“It’s once in a lifetime…”
I hear this a lot. It’s what people tell me when I hesitate about making a wedding purchase due to cost. Sometimes people feel so passionately about what they think I deserve that I end up having to defend myself. These good intentioned debates usually halt completely when someone suggests involvement of my plastic buddy. I guess that’s where I draw the line.
In case you haven’t noticed, I am a frugal gal. I am not stingy, I simply take measures to ensure I do not spend much more than necessary to satisfy my needs. I believe that I deserve what I have earned. I put myself through college and bought my humble dream car without getting into debt, so I surely am not about to do so to throw a party, even if it is in fact ‘once in a lifetime’.
I am all for great weddings, which is something brides define in vastly different ways. Big or small budget, most brides share the same goal to mark and celebrate the beginning of their new lives. To me, it means a small party leaving a small nest egg in my coinpurse to build upon. I’d like for my plastic to be left out of being a payment option.
What is your approach when it comes to managing wedding debt?
just keeping track of it. i’ve got a spreadsheet with anticipated/actual costs so that if the cost of one thing goes up, i can see how it will affect everything else and try to plan accordingly. i just cannot believe how expensive everything is, and i feel you on the whole having to argue with people thing — “no, mom, i really don’t need $10/apiece letterpressed invitations just because it’s my wedding. really, it’s ok.” craziness.
I’m with you! Mr. Pom and I have a “no plastic” rule in regards to the wedding. We won’t be entering our marriage completely debt-free – but we most certainly will not be increasing that debt!
We’re the “Pay As You Go” kinda couple. It’s worked so far!
My parents are giving us the money for the wedding, so it actually helps because it’s not my money. I don’t feel like I can spend it frivolously because it’s not my money to spend.
you and i are so of the same mind. our budget is tiny and we refuse to put any of the wedding expenses on credit to be paid off later. we’re still planning a fun and hopefully pretty day, it just takes a little more planning, price comparing and creativity. we’ve organized our budget using spreadsheets since the beginning and have always made sure to take into account all of the little additional expenses (tax, tips, etc) so we wouldn’t be surprised by those later. we also prioritized our wedding spending from the start so we could figure out what would have the most impact on the day and then distributed money likewise. so far, with less than two weeks to go, we’re actually a tiny bit under budget, which is cool ’cause it means more spending money for our honeymoon!
I have a luxury of a long engagement. We will be engaged for a year and a half before the big day arrives. My fiancé and I set up a 3.0% interest savings account- ING Savings. Money is tight now, as I am putting one paycheck a month into that and the other goes to my student loans. It kind of hurts every once in a while when I’d like to do things like go to movies or buy a new bathing suit… but, we really want to have a nice wedding. The sacrifices I make now make it a “non plastic” wedding.
I have a credit card devoted to wedding spending BUT I pay it off as I go. I read somewhere that if you’re in a debate with a vendor, the credit card company should help you. Now, I frankly have never had visa HELP me but I figure, it’s a good way to track things and might possibly help if there’s a fraud issue. I really don’t want to go into debt over this, though.
Like sunflowers, we charged everything (those points add up!) but paid it off as we went. We set up an overall budget and stuck to it. If one item ended up costing more than projected, we cut back in another. It made for some tough decisions but worked out really well in the end.
1. We have spreadsheet of the major costs.
2. I have a book that details EVERY penny related to the wedding. Down to the paper, glue and pens I buy.
3. We re-evaluate our spreadsheet about once a month to make sure we are ok.
4. We have used our cc’s but it is immediately paid off. I am using my cc is b/c If there are issues, we have better recourse with a cc than cash, check or a debit card.
5. When we look at the spreadsheet, we re-evaluate what we really want and what we can do with out. For example, I skipped the groom’s cake as I felt we did not need another cake.
I am working hard to be completely debt free before the wedding, which means I am going to have to start putting in some extra time to get my car paid off before the big day. Sometimes it’s really really hard not to tack on that extra grand or so to the wedding budget, but it would be the absolute best present possible if I could show him a screenshot of my bank account on the big day!
I also use the spreadsheet that Miss Flamingo (I think) posted months and months ago. Mr. Av worked it over to fit our needs, and I have been sucking every last penny out of the budget using it.
Uh, in our world there is no such thing as wedding “debt.” If we can’t afford to have it paid for by the day of the wedding, it’s not happening – there will be no charging things to pay off over time or taking out loans. It’s a six-hour party. Debt is for mortgages, not parties.
i’m saving now for our future wedding so i’m hoping to have all the cash on hand before we need it, or at least use what we have to fund the wedding completely. i still plan on using the credit card to pay for everything [gotta love those points] but using the wedding fund money to pay the bill every month. this is one day but i don’t want to be in debt for forever afterwards
Way to go on avoiding the pressure to spend, spend, spend!
I totally agree with your philosophy. I have a gf who is getting married about the same time as me and when she hears of my bridal shopping experience with dresses (I am not keen on over paying for ONE dress), she goes, but it’s a once in a lifetime thing! You shld get THE dress and not any old dress! She doesn’t really get me at all. I want a beautiful wedding but that doesnt mean I have to spendspendspend. Every dollar I save, goes towards renovating out new house or buying that extra sofa. 
i feel the same way. neither my fiance nor i have credit cards. we started listening to dave ramsey while living in nashville in college. good advise (though we don’t necessarily believe it works for everyone) and have decided not to start our lives in debt (except the remaining student loans we have). i know a lot of people who have made the opposite decision for various reasons, but this is what we believe is best for us.
Just last night I was saying to my fiancé how I’m a little bit fed up of hearing this “your big day,” “once in a lifetime” etc. as an excuse to spend money. I’m not getting sucked into it and we’re not getting into debt to do this.
Cliché time: at the end of the day, we’ll be married and that’s what matters
Luckily, due to a life of frugal habits, my fiance and I already had enough cash on hand to pay for the whole thing (though we do put everything on a credit card for our own protection). Still, when it comes down to it, it’s stupid to spend this money on a wedding — it’s a new car! It could be part of a down payment on a house! We’ve made peace with it by still saving money for the wedding. This way we’ll dip into our savings less, and by continuing the habit, replace what we’ve spent in the next couple of years. And keep track of that budget. Keeping that big number looming helps to remind you how an extra few hundred dollars here and there add up to a sum you should be sick to spend on one single day.
Paying on a CC is not an option in our minds. It’s too easy to say, ah I’ll pay it off next month, so if we dont have the funds, we’re not getting it.
I got a 2nd job that is purely for the “wedding fund”. Every paycheck goes into savings, and its actually building very well!
I agree with you that it really is just a “party” I’m paying for, for my family and friends to have a good time. It’s essentially their gift, in return for their gifts to us. And while it is “once in a lifetime” the important part is the actual marriage, and I’m marrying my best friend and I can’t wait! The party is just the fluff.
My mom is the one taking it the hardest. She just wants me to “have the wedding on my dreams”… but its more like the wedding of HER dreams. And shes not even the one paying for it! I know they all mean well (friends and family members) but they keep second guessing what we want!
We’d much rather save money and buy a house, not blow it on an 8 hour party.
we are paying for our wedding in cash. no plastic. none whatsoever. so our wedding is comprised of only the necessary and a few non extravagant extras.
its been hard to keep that perspectice, until i open our budget spreadsheet. i see how close we are to budget right now and i can’t argue. numbers don’t lie. i’m battling whether we should take up a friends awesome offer for his quartet to play our ceremony. its an incredible discounted deal but i’m not sure if we can do it yet……
this is the part that annoys me….the stuff thats not cut and dry. like “we could afford it if…”which seems to be all of the small details now.
Well my husband already has debt, however I do not wish for us to have anything adding up on it because of our family wedding. So I’m working extra jobs and saving every penny so as not to have any additional debts.
It’s a “once in a lifetime” kind of thing but that’s exactly that. It’s just one day and I don’t want to spend too much on one day when there is so much more that matters after that like for us getting our own house.
Mrs. Green Tea, Sacramento Age and Occupation: 30, Tea Analyst Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Coffee Critic Engagement Date: November 17, 2006 Wedding Date: August 23, 2008 Blogging Since: June 10, 2008 Venue: Vineyard on the Delta About Me: I'm just your average obsessive compulsive, arts & crafts loving, funky-on-the-inside/boring-on-the-outside girl, who dares to say 'Hey! I can make that!' Nerdy professional by day, goofy won-ton by night. The won-ton sometimes comes out during the day when I'm fed the dollar breakfast at Ikea. Since our engagement, wedding planning has put me on high alert for bargains and I've been pushing my nimble fingers through callous building experiments!
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