First Things First: The Dress
July 2nd, 2008 @ 2:10 pm by Mrs. Avocado
Dress shopping as an LDS bride is, in many ways, a different experience. When married in the temple you make certain promises concerning modesty, and they dictate the type of gown you are able to wear. It must have sleeves of a certain length, and it must cover part of your chest and shoulders. I am very excited to make these promises and I wouldn’t want to be married anywhere else and so I’m happy to find a gown that fits these requirements.
An example of the dress selection in the Utah stores I visited.
Unfortunately, finding a dress that meets these requirements can be really hard. As you can see from the dresses shown above, they tend to look exactly the same. A little bit of a 90’s style, mixed with a square neckline and the same short sleeve on each. I am not being manipulative in what I am showing you, most of the styles look just like this. I did find a very pretty all lace dress with a nice v-neck, but it cost close to $1000 and I knew I could find something I liked more somewhere else. I wanted to find something different that would never feel out of style. Three out of the five stores I visited carried dresses just like this, and I was feeling pretty discouraged about my options.
Another round of dress shopping in a store that caters to LDS brides.
Up next: I decide to branch out and try on some gowns that are little more mainstream, the tradeoff being that they would have to be altered.
Anyone else have “modesty” requirements they have to meet? If so, how did you find your dress?
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54 Responses to “First Things First: The Dress”
Adding… my FSIL really loved the look of strapless but hated that most strapless dresses were low-cut. She happened to find one that came up to about the same place on her chest as the dresses you are modeling. She added a little bolero and if you even used brooches to pin the sides/lapel area to the dress you’d get the same silouhette as the dresses in your picture! Just thinking of ways to offer you more variety…
I actually like that lower-left dress (from the top set of photos) on you. From what I can tell - the neck and waistline were very flattering on you. Can’t wait to see what you chose!
I’m so glad we have an LDS bee! I was married in May in the San Antonio Temple, and yes, dress shopping is not fun, reminded me of the horrors of trying to find a modest prom dress.
I actually found my wedding dress on the SLC craigslist, bought it from another LDS bride, and I loved it. It was the Maggie Sottero Grace Kelly (http://www.maggiesottero.com/dress.aspx?showAll=1&style=J135) and it was so gorgeous and different from most modest dresses. If you want to wear your dress in the temple (I don’t recommend it at all, but its totally a personal thing), you have to be really careful, mine was too sparkly, and some of the beading was silver, rather than white. Just keep that in mind!
wow…tricky problem…looking forward to seeing what you decided to go with! 
Agreed with Miss P - I like the lower left dress from the top set a lot!
I live in Phoenix, which has a huge LDS population, and all of the photos I see of LDS brides look exactly the same. I always feel badly for them - it’s like they are wearing The Official Mormon Wedding Costume.
Perhaps something sort of retro would be a modest yet stylish choice? I don’t know all the requirements, but you could do a boatneck with 3/4 sleeves and a full tea-length skirt, which is modest and 50’s stylish. It would be stunning in a plain fabric.
I also like the one the other girls like…
Other idea: Can you or someone you know make a dress?
Just throwing this out as an idea for a dress with full length sleeves:
isn’t there a mainstream designer who offers additions and stuff to their dresses? i can’t think of the name but i think one of the bees mentioned that option briefly…maybe it was mrs. pearl?
What a shame that they don’t play more with the type of dress you are looking for.
I have to say that the first thing that came to my mind was like misschickie: How about a bolero or an additional piece to cover your shoulders and follow the promise of modesty.
Or get it made, or find a cheap one that can be worked from…
Good luck though, it doesn’t seem easy.
I actually think lots (even most) strapless gowns look the same too - especially within the price range that most LDS brides are in. Its not the designers fault either. I think most people want to look like a traditional bride on their big day, and not make a huge fashion statement or follow a big trend.
Having said that I can agree that LDS dresses can tend to look alike. But getting a strapless gown and putting a jacket on it or sewing on sleeves doesn’t always work either - the alterations have to perfectly match the style of the dress. And it bothers me that some LDS brides look like they’re trying to get as close to the “normal” strapless dress as possible (you know, the 1/2 an inch sleeve syndrome). Its so personal though, I don’t want to judge! I went with elbow length sleeves on my dress so it didn’t look like everyone else’s (I got married in January though!) Its such an interesting topic - thanks for the blog!
On an other note, maybe you could look for a Victorian or even medieval style dress… I like the idea of a long sleeves (like on the link from sandy) if they allow that, it adds a certain style to it…
I like CarolineG’s suggestion. A vintage feel could be great!
I think the reason the lower left one looks the best (the one everyone else is referring to, too) is that the sleeves are kind of cap-like, so it adds a bit of romance/interest to the neckline. The tops of the other ones all kind of look like a t-shirt in shape, which comes out a little too square/boxy.
So if you continue to try short sleeves, I would definitely look for bodices that have a little more interest around the shoulders, to curve things up a bit!
Agreed with MTYF - I think it’s the boxiness of the other necklines that makes them look so similar, whereas the one we’re referring to is softer.
definitely check out bolero options for more standard dresses. another thing to try would be to see if sleeves can be added to a style - at the stop i went to, they had a whole hangar of sleeves that you could add to certain styles.
also love the idea of a tea length boat neck in a vintage style.
J Crew has nice cheaper dresses that cover you up. Mine is the daphne… it was sold out, but I got a dressmaker to custom make it for even cheaper than the original price!
Hi! Although I am not an LDS bride, my religion does require quite modest attire, even at functions such as weddings. I have purchased gowns through beautifullymodest.com but found a salon willing to help me when it came to my wedding dress. They ordered a stapless dress I picked out, but requested extra fabric be sent in order to make a bolero/sleeves, whichever I decide when the dress comes in. They also gave me names of designers that are willing to modify their dresses to make them “temple-ready”. Good luck in your search!
Hmm…have you looked at Stephanie James Couture? I’m not sure what the LDS requirements are, but would the Josephine work? It has sleeves, and is adorable! She also has gorgeous suits that are very “Carrie Bradshaw at the Courthouse”
Oh yeah, and David’s Bridal has sleeve options for almost all of their dresses!
I am getting married in the Church so I can’t have my shoulders exposed… I am wearing a strapless dress (although i always said I never would) but I have a reallllly long and luxe veil that will cover my shoulders for the entire ceremony. My friend had straps added to her dress that she then removed for the reception. Both functional ideas. I hope you find your solution!
Jasmine Bridal will alter any of their dresses to be “temple ready”
I agree - the lower left in the first collage is beautiful
I also like the one in the lower left corner! It looks really nice on you. I have several shirts with that style neckline.. I just can’t get enough of it!
I like the one that everybody else likes. It looks the best on your and looks the least like you’re trying to cover up. It’s very cute!
The modestbride.com has many beautiful dresses.
It sounds like you are leading up to your dress find - but in case you are still looking, try looking at stores that are used to dealing with jewish dress requirements. (Obviously I mean the more “traditional” ones.) I am not Jewish, I just saw a bit of “Say Yes to the Dress” (Kleinfelds, NYC) that had a Jewish bride there working with the seamstress to make sure her sleeves covered her elbows but could still be moved in etc. Just a thought.
Oh - and it may be “blue on black” here, but I also like the dress in teh bottom left corner of the top set of pictures. Fun and flattering.
I’m marrying into an LDS family although FI has left the church. When I went to Provo to meet the family, of course we had to go to Alysse’s Bridal (which is probably in one of your pictures, but it’s been a while since I went). I was excited, because while I don’t have modesty requirements for my ceremony, I hate strapless dresses - but when I got there, I did realize that either the tops all looked similar or there was WAY too much beading/frilliness for me. There are definitely some nice options though (the one I liked was this: http://www.beautifullymodest.com/store/wedding-dresses/3869m/ ) I also think you should look for more vintage-style dresses - maybe go Grace Kelly-style with the longer sleeves (and even the higher neckline - its different from the usual “how low can you go while being temple-ready” LDS neckline). It shouldn’t be too warm in October, and you might even be able to do something removable so you don’t get too hot during the reception (if you are dancing).
A good friend of mine had to wear modest dress for the ceremony (church rules) as well.. And she found a mermaid dress that had a jacket-sorta thing attached to the dress. It was lace and had kind of a high neck so it was very classic and chic looking. Since it was attached she was able to take it off for the reception! I believe the ‘jacket’ was 3 quarter sleeve.
I don’t believe my specific church has modesty requirements, though most every wedding I’ve been to (Catholic or Episcopal) the woman has worn a bolero or shawl to cover her shoulders. I’ll be wearing a vintage fur wrap over my dress, even if it’s not a requirement, 1) so I won’t be cold in December and 2) to please my mom who doesn’t want my tattoos showing in all the wedding photos!
I had the same issue. I purchased a strapless Casablanca gown and had it customized to the way I wanted it to look. It came out perfect! They’ll make you a dress from scratch with no extra cost. (Although addition of sleeves may cost a little bit more; no additonal labor costs are involved) But you have to find a shop that carries Casablanca and is willing to take exact measurements of everything you want from sleeve type & length, neck type & how open you want it to be, shoulder length, back length. If you can find someone who is willing to do that and even sketch it out for you, I’d try Casablanca bridal gowns. They really do have some nice ones…and not that expensive.
I like the one everyone is referring to. The bottom left in the first batch of pics. It looks beautiful on you.
P.S. Venus bridal has a modest section, but I don’t think any of them are as pretty as the one above.
Yes! I’m Jewish and although it’s not really required in the community I’m in to cover EVERYTHING (like neck down to wrists and stuff..), I’m just not that comfortable wearing a strapless dress.
In the end, my dress is strapless but not low cut at all. The seamstress will be making a little jacket out of the shawl that comes with it so I’ll have 3/4 length sleeves and I’ll have enough coverage to feel comfortable. It’s not a bad solution–then if you really do get hot and feel comfortable taking the jacket off anyway, you can.
Justin Alexander has some items that are more modest.
http://www.justinalexanderbridal.com/us_en/collection.php?linenum=10&totlines=-1&disc=
#8380, 8384, 8322, 8267.
We might be able to give more suggestions if we knew all the requirements.
I haven’t even started the dress search. I’m so turned off by the traditional LDS dress. For the temple ceremony, I plan on wearing my mom’s dress from the 70s (totally simple and gorgeous although altered cuz we’re different sizes). I’m planning on having a reception dress made for me. My sister in law did that and it ended up being fairly unique looking and way less expensive than having something altered. My sister had a dress altered and it ended up looking amazing, even though up close you could see seams where they had to add fabric to fill in the back.
Here’s the bride from a wedding my mom went to a couple of weeks ago (a family friend I don’t particularly know):
http://bp0.blogger.com/_Xb2CWRX8ncM/SFvWmi1hfhI/AAAAAAAAAi4/OaQyzW_YHdw/s1600/jacobs055.jpg
And another (my best friend’s ex’s sister):
http://bp3.blogger.com/_oZuFDni50Qs/SGGvlr9OXUI/AAAAAAAAB8w/JXuFuHmwGjE/s1600/5.jpg
In a nutshell, LDS dresses for within the temple ceremony need to be WHITE (no ivory), long, and simple (little to no beading) with long sleeves and a high neck and back.
Outside of the temple, it’s possible to wear cap sleeves but they cannot be sheer, the neckline should be non-cleavage baring and the back needs to be about 2-3 inches above the bra strap. You can also wear a tea length gown at that point. Am I forgetting anything?
Shaver2b, that really helped - I was so confused when someone else recommended wearing a different dress inside the temple.. so there are modesty guidelines for BOTH the temple and reception - but the guidelines for in the temple are stricter. Thanks for spelling it out for us. Just last week I saw the most beautiful LDS bride and dress. I fell in love with her dress before I even realized it was chosen for modesty. I’ll look around for it.
@misschickie: There are many brides who are doing just that, and a bolero/jacket can be a really good option. It’s actually my Mom’s preference that I don’t have one, as she feels they break up the dress and would make me look extra busty. Sometimes you just do what your mom likes, you know?
@ckonkle: I’m glad you had some luck Craiglisting. I couldn’t find anything cute and modest at the same time, and I didn’t want to buy a strapless dress and then stress about finding the right fabric to match for alterations.
@AFD: You and I are right on the same page. I wanted to find a dress that I didn’t have to add a bolero to, that would look natural when altered.
@Jane Doe: I’m pretty bummed I didn’t know about this option before, I would have loved to do that!
@shaver2b: Couldn’t have said it better myself. Stick around help me out in the future, will you?
Of course, Miss Avocado! We’ve got to stick together!
alfred angelo will alter almost all of their dress designs to fit temple requirments…and if you go to their website, you can pick the gown, the neckline, and the sleeve length, and it’ll show you a sketch of what the new look will be.
My Catholic parish did require modestly in dress, though the regulations were not spelled out quite so explicit. I think my pastor only specified no strapless. However, I have always been raised with the idea that bare shoulders and backs were not appropriate in church. I ended up with a custom ensemble of a fairly simple v-neck sleeveless gown and a high necked lace jacket. I took my inspiration for the shape of my neckline from Grace Kelly, though the neck on my jacket was a touch more open. The simplicity of the design of my dress kept my cost down: my seamstress charged me her evening gown rate rather than bridal, and for the jacket, she charged only a little over what she charges for a tailored ladies blouse.
My cousin and MO decided to follow my cue and paired a cropped eyelette fabric jacket with her dress.
Anyway, I’m looking forward to seeing what you come up with.
hi miss avocado!
i am not an member of the LDS community, or any other community that has wedding attire requirements, but temple-ready gowns are some of my FAVORITES!
i imagine it can feel sort of limiting, but sleeves and modest necklines are timeless and really feminine- they really showcase an hour glass figure. they certainly look beautiful on you!
good luck!- i know you’ll find the perfect dress!
Hi Miss Avo!
You might want to also check Jasmine Bridals. I wasn’t a LDS bride but my dress was a Jasmine, so I was on that site a million times during my planning process. If you check their website (www.jasminebridals.com) under “temple ready,” there are many that you can customize to be more modest (choose neckline, and then choose sleeves, so you can mix and match) and you can have a little preview drawing to see what it would look like. Best of luck!
What about a longsleeve dress? Kate Walsh wore a beautiful lace gown that covered pretty much her whole body from neck to wrists to toes when she married last year! It was beautiful & current, but had a great timeless-vintage vibe that means she will love her photos for years to come…
All here have made good suggestions. You might also want to check out the collection of Colette Komm (http://www.colettekomm.com/). She is probably one of the first people to design a more upscale, high-end, fashion forward and modest bridal line. She’s an LDS member herself. She’s also a graduate of Parsons school of design when it was under the direction of Tim Gunn!
She’s got really beautiful dresses and also does custom work. Maybe she might cut a deal for a bee like yourself….especially since her work would be introduced to such a new audience.
I don’t know why my post was taken down. I’m sorry if is a stupid question but…
What does LDS mean??
I’m also an LDS bride and didn’t want the regular square neck short sleeve thing so I had a dress made from a vintage vogue pattern. It’s v-neck and tea-length. And the best part is it’s great for twirling in.
@no thanks: I’m not sure where your post mean. LDS refers to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, also commonly known as the Mormons.
So far I love the strapless from the other post and from this post, I love the 3rd dress (second row down - 1st dress) - You look really cute in that one.
Hello! I as soon as I saw the photos I gravitated directly to that lower left one in the first photo. That color looks great on you, and the cut is soooo sooo flattering!! You look so chic and elegant! wow. I would definitely definitely consider that one if I were you.. You look gorgeous!!!
Wow, I’m surprised that so many people didn’t grasp the concept that modesty is a 24/7 thing for LDS members. That’s kinda basic knowledge about the world around you.
jo - not necessarily. i don’t personally know any LDS folks and never have. to someone whose not religious (i’m not), or has only really been exposed to one religion, it’s not that surprising that some people wouldn’t know the ins and outs of someone else’s religion, especially something like LDS that’s pretty different from y our general flavor of christianity. i don’t think anyone was disrespecting miss avo…just asking (very valid) questions about her religion.
Hear hear, when I was reading everything you had to say about all the dresses looking the same, I kind of found myself scratching my head going, “but the one on the lower left is such an obvious standout from the others!” Maybe it was different in person but in the photograph it looks just lovely on you.
Mrs. Avocado, Seattle
Age and Occupation: 23, Student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Consultant
Engagement Date: July 27, 2008
Wedding Date: October, 2008
Blogging Since: June 30, 2008
Venue: LDS Seattle Temple & Hotel 1000
About Me: Somehow this little farm girl found herself a genuine Pole to fall in love and eventually move away to Poland with. I am an LDS bride attempting to plan a private religious ceremony, ring ceremony, seated reception for 100, and an open house while coordinating for guests flying in from across the United States and as far away as Poland. I try to avoid fads, excess waste, and saturated fat. I strongly endorse photography, DDR, calorie counting, rss feeds, cooking, and utilizing your resources.
Would you consider a non-modest dress that you could wear with a bolero or cape?