Weddingbee Blog

One of the most interesting results of the union between the mister and I is our integration into each other’s families. We are fortunate that even though it took a bit of warming up from both sides at the beginning, we do get along with each other’s supporting casts rather well.

We’re both sort of a novelty to the other’s circles, with neither of our families having members outside our own race. For him, the challenge was getting used to the food and all the fingers pointing at him amongst the Chinese conversation. He got lucky, however, since his quick pick up of the game of mahjong won over just about everyone in a snap.

The mister’s friends and family are fairly accommodating. They are an educated and understanding group, comprehending the idea that people are just people, and that Americans include folks from many races. Somehow though, perhaps due to the lack of diversity in their smaller town, recognizing that I am as American as them proves to be difficult.

I call it the gummy bacon theory - the package reads gummy, your friends tell you it’s gummy, reviews even rave ‘yummy!’…but the concept can be difficult for you if you have only had gummy in the shapes of bears and worms. Understandably, when you put it in your mouth, you swear you taste bacon for a split second until reality takes over. The gummy bacon, no matter how good, will somehow always lack the authenticity of the bear or worm shaped gummy.

It doesn’t look like gummy, just as I don’t look American, according to some people’s image libraries. Because of this, I get explanations that start with ‘well even if you were American…’ or my FMIL tells me that taking pictures is ‘an American thing’ when I react with my usual camera shyness. When I tell that I am American, her reaction is ‘I know that… well, you know what I mean.’

I do know what they mean - that I am Chinese-American, with all the rights and privileges of the regular American that I am not. Though this sounds rather negative, I do also recognize that within ‘what they mean,’ that there are no intentions of put downs nor are there negative associations. It’s not that they have anything against gummy or bacon, it’s just hard for them to instinctively accept one looking like the other.

They will adjust more to me as time goes by, as I will to them, and as we already have. I do not need to prove to anyone that I am an American, and that I’m proud to be one. On this fourth of July, I will once again celebrate how far this wonderful country of mine has come, and have faith that it will go much further in this long road ahead.

Happy Independence Day All!

P.S. Totally unrelated, but here are the earrings I made for this 4th of July. I love them.