Weddingbee

Be warned, my friends. Executing the following plan of action could lead to a significant other who enjoys eating sweetened condensed milk out of a tub, claims that all sausage is vile other than that found in Poland, and might possibly allow you to live in Europe some day where you will be able to visit fabulous countries like Croatia and Austria by taking the train.

Step 1: Learn how to say his name.

Mr. Avocado and I lived right next door to each other (I could walk out of my apartment, around the corner and knock on his door) from July of 2005 to April of 2006, yet we only have one memory of each other. I knew his roommate J and asked J to come over one day to take a look at my computer. Mr. Avocado came along and complimented me on my limited computer skills. I blushed and thought he was sweet. I am assuming that we went so long without interacting because I was nervous I would pronounce his Polish name incorrectly.

Step 2: Find out what he is good at, then flatter him by asking him to use those skills to serve you in some way.

After moving back home for nine months, I came back to school and moved into a house right next door to my old apartment complex. My computer was on the fritz once again and so I went up to the apartment of J and Mr. Avocado to find out if one of them would come down to look at my computer again. Mr. Avocado brought his genius friend C, and after C and I quickly bonded over an affinity for Battlestar Galactica, the three of us were attached at the hip from that point on.

Step 3: Unleash his competitive side.

Mr. Avocado is super competitive. And he loves to participate in any activity that involves the two of us attempting to best one another. Our love blossomed over many rounds of darts, where I thoroughly whipped him every time.

Step 4: Ask him out. See if he will dress up for you.

Ladies, stop sitting around and waiting, and make the first move! The nice part about being in charge of the date is that you are able to dictate what type of date it will be. Ours was a college prom-ripoff where I forced Mr. Av to dress up and take awkward photos with me.

I almost didn’t post this picture as it shows me at a time when I was a much chubbier avocado. But Mr. Avocado is doing such an excellent job demonstrating his “awkward prom picture” form.

Step 5: Corner him. Tell him that it’s time to start dating.

After the prom was over, I told Mr. Avocado it was time for me to walk him home. He protested. I insisted. I stood in front of his apartment door and confessed my feelings for him, baring my soul. He thanked me. (Any other Friends fanatics remembering when Emily said thank you to Ross at the airport as she was flying back to London?)

Step 6: Be patient.

It may take him three entire weeks to tell you what he decided after you confessed your feelings for him. Yes, you read that right, it took him 3 weeks to “get back to me” on the whole I-want-to-date-you conversation. I don’t think I realized how bad I wanted it to work out until then.

He finally came down to my basement living room. We talked. We kissed. The magic began.

As far as the future, after our October wedding we will live in Dallas for at least two more years. After that we plan to be in the States for about five more years before we hop the pond and live somewhere in Europe. Eventually we plan to settle down in Poland and raise our family there. Yes, we plan to live in Poland. Don’t worry, I’ve been there. The sausage is really as good as they say it is.

Disclaimer: Miss Avocado would love to be held responsible for any and all successful relationships which result from executing the following steps.

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