Wedding Blog
Mr. Pinot Noir and I have been looking for unique ways to remember the people that will not be able to celebrate our wedding with us. We have chosen three ways to honor those who cannot be attendance.
I particularly wanted to honor my grandmothers (one passed away in 2005 and the other is too sick to travel to the wedding) and my uncle who passed away last summer. In their honor I will be adding photo charms to my wedding bouquet. This way they will be with me all day and then I will be able to save the charms as a keepsake (as I do not plan to save the bouquet). I talked to my florist and she thought this was a wonderful idea and doesn’t believe she will have any trouble incorporating them into the bouquet. I will use a photo of each of them from the day of their wedding.
This is an idea of what I am planning:
And this beautiful photo:
The florist suggested looking for photo charm frames at a craft store but then I found a wonderful seller on Etsy named DesignsbyTami, who makes and sells two sided charms. She will be making me three soldered glass bouquet charms. I am happy to be able to support an independent vendor and to have a quality keepsake.
Another way that we are planning to remember the important people in our lives is by placing framed family and wedding photos on our cake table. We will not be having a traditional large wedding cake (more on that later) but we will be doing a small, 6” round cake to use for the tradition of cutting the cake. The cake table at our venue is very large so we needed to add something to fill it up since our cake is so small. We will be placing our parents and grandparents wedding photos there, as well as other sentimental family photos. The photos will be placed in frames we already own or in frames bought from second-hand stores. It will look something like this (with a much smaller cake):
Finally, in lieu of favors, we will be making a donation to the National MS Society in memory of Mr. PN’s cousin who recently passed away due to complications related to multiple sclerosis. We considered replicating Ms. Lovebug’s great Sweet Charity idea but we decided to stick with one charity because the wedding will be small (60-70 guests) and the logistics of getting the tokens to and from the site would have created too much extra stress. Instead we will place a framed notice near the escort cards that lets guests know about the donation.
How are you remembering loved ones on your special day?
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Share this post: In Loving Memory
Aw PN… I think its a great idea. I made donations to Breast Cancer in memory of my grandmother and in honor of my mom.
I had a huge debate over donation favors… but all my guests were extremely happy about it. As though they were part of something greater. Its an excellent idea… and for such great cause!!!
For my wedding, we had a vase on the altar with calla lilies in it and a note in the program that just mentioned those who couldn’t be with us.
My father passed away in 2002 from cancer, and I wanted to honor him without making other family members cry at the same time. If I would have had a photo charm on my bouquet, I would have been a basket case. 
Those are very thoughtful though.
Becky
@Becky: I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your father. The vase on the alter is a wonderful way to remember loved ones!
I love your ideas!
Wow - I think this was the most difficult part of the wedding planning My hubby and I have both lost parents to cancer. It had been 3 years for me and less than a year for my hubby. Needless to say a very emotional wedding day. I really struggled with finding just the right was to honor them. (And other family members we had lost)
I choose to have two large orchids (they were also in my bouquet and small ones were the table center pieces) to honor each of our parents. They were behind us during the ceremony and moved to the reception area. We didn’t have programs, so had the preacher say these words at the beginning of our ceremony:
Jilian and Todd would like to recognize all who are not here with us today. These orchids are in memory of *grooms mom* and *brides dad*. Todd and Jilian have asked me to read this:
Though we are separated physically,
Faith and love have bound us eternally.
Though we cannot see you,
We know you are here.
Though we cannot touch you,
We feel the warmth of your smile, as we begin a new chapter in our lives.
As the planning progressed more ways fell into place. Todd couldn’t find a band he liked - so rather than just buying anything we used my dad’s wedding band during the ceremony. Also his step-dad had given me a bracelet that belonged to his mom the night before - which I wore during the ceremony. Our photographer unknowling got an amazing picture of me putting the ring on Todd’s finger where the ring and bracelet are the focus of the photo. I almost started crying when I saw that picture!
We didn’t have the f/d and m/s dances at all. But I did dance to two first dance songs with Todd. One of which was ‘I loved her first’ by Heartland. Yes it was my moment to cry and miss my daddy. (I’m crying even typing this) Some wonder why I would bring the tears on myself - but I had to have that moment and play that song for my dad
Also - as a surprise to us my mom had put together a ‘growing up’ montage photo video to share at the reception. Of course there were many photos throughout that included folks who weren’t with us. Yes it was emotional - we went from laughing to crying to laughing. (my brother was seriously bawling in the back of the room) It was so special to have those memories shared during our wedding though - and for both families to be able to really get to know the opposite family - if that makes sense.
I hate that this is a piece of anyone’s wedding planning process - I do know that all idea’s to honor those important to us are good ones! And our loved ones are there to share in our special days - cause we feel the warmth of their smiles
We had small glass candles for each of our grandparents and my parents, and inside each was a glass pebble with their initials on it. As the wax melted, the pebble just settled in. We could see them from where we were standing, but to everyone else, it was just a simple row of candles. We’d had an emotional roller-coaster leading up to the wedding, and I was concerned with keeping the mood “up” without ignoring the past completely, and this worked as a nice balance.
I really like the idea of the photo charms. I’m definitley planning on having photos of departed family members and those who are too old to be there on either the escort card table or the cake table.
I am debating the idea of a donation to the American Lung Association, as my maternal grandfather and paternal grandmother both died of lung cancer, and to honor my boy, as I’m very proud of him for quitting smoking.
I think it’s really great that you are doing a donation instead of favours and you have some really great ideas here
I also love the idea of photo charms. I think I will be incorporating this idea into my own wedding. My father passed away when I was younger and I want to feel as if he still has a place in this wedding, even if he’s not physically there to give me away. My idea right now is to hang a photo charm and include his favorite flower into my bouquet. I may or may not make a note of it in the program, but this way I feel I’m honoring him without making the mood somber.
That is such a nice way to remember. Also you can have extra prints of the bouquet photo’s made and framed for the mom and mil!!
Thank you so much for letting me create your beautiful charms for you! I am so honored to be a teeny tiny part in your big day! It is such a meaningful set of charms, and I hope they bring you some happiness on your big day! Thanks so much for sharing me!!!
[...] custom bouquet charms arrived and I couldn’t be happier! I ordered three custom charms from Etsy seller Designs by [...]
[...] placed framed photos of our parents and grandparents around the cake. My original idea was to use vintage photo frames from local thrift stores (a very eco-friendly choice) but they [...]
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Mrs. Pinot Noir, New York/Napa Valley
Age and Occupation: 24, Health Educator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Market Researcher
Engagement Date: November 10, 2007
Wedding Date: October, 2008
Blogging Since: June 25, 2008
Venue: Auberge du Soleil
About Me: I am a Minnesota raised, NYC transplant planning a destination wedding in Napa. I'm balancing my love for the environment and my hubby-to-be's love for tradition to create our "green wedding in disguise." Our wedding will include local food and wine, antique touches and lots of love and laughter. When wedding planning isn't taking up my free time (and money) I love to read, cook, workout, watch baseball and travel! Follow along in my adventure as I attempt to plan an eco-friendly and socially responsible wedding (with eco-oblivious Mr. Pinot Noir).
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