That’s the Way Love Goes
July 16th, 2008 @ 10:33 am by Miss Sweet Tea
You didn’t think I’d leave you hanging for too long, did you? I feel like I’m writing a serialized soap opera as I fill you in on our back story, but thankfully this is the last episode!
Dear readers, perhaps it was unfair to end my last post that way, because the rest of the story is not as dramatic as I made it out to be. Sure, Mr. Sweet Tea and I had some issues to work through once I decided to move to California for grad school. I’ll admit, I made it a bit difficult once I did decide to go. First, we decided we would both move at the same time, then shortly before I started school, I thought it best I move out there first to make sure I liked the program and living in California. With this new game plan, Mr. Sweet Tea would stay behind in New York for one year or maybe longer.
People used to ask me why I went alone when we could have gone together, and sometimes I felt like they were judging me for this decision. I will admit that part of me wanted to move somewhere alone and get that measure of independence. As much as I love Mr. ST, we had been nearly inseparable for almost three years, and I was still in my early twenties! For someone that never thought she’d be married until her 30s (if ever), this was an adjustment.
But really, truly, I wanted to move out alone because I couldn’t bear the fact that someone would throw away their whole life and move somewhere for me. I felt uber guilty about that, and it took me a while to realize that if Mr. Sweet Tea moved, it was not just for my happiness, but for his, too. I guess I’m still not used to the fact that committed relationships sometime require sacrifice and compromise. I better get hip to it before December, don’t you think?
Doing a long-distance relationship was bumpy at first, but thankfully, at least during the first six months, we saw each other almost every six weeks due to fortuitous circumstances like weddings, holidays, etc. Our year apart actually went by faster than I thought it would, and being a swamped first-year grad student probably helped on my end, too. In fact, I was so busy I hardly had time for myself, let alone Mr. Sweet Tea. In retrospect, I am so glad we waited for him to move, because I would not have been very good company that year!
Finally, Mr. Sweet Tea moved to SoCal last August and our lives together got back on track. I would tell you our proposal story now, but I wouldn’t want to bore you with silly little details like that 
What, you say? You want a picture of Mr. Sweet Tea now as compensation for reading this far? Well… ok. Don’t say I didn’t warn you that I have some crazy pictures of us.
Isn’t it so obvious why I’m with Mr. Sweet Tea? He’s such a fashionable hottie!
Have any of you maintained a long-distance relationship, and what’s your secret to success?
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19 Responses to “That’s the Way Love Goes”
Currently, I am in a relationship where we even live in different countries! Luckily, only 5 hours apart…5 hours is still a lot because we don’t have the option to go on random dates and events. The secret i think is to see each other as much as possible and have a plan for thr future. That way, you know an end to that is SOMEWHERE!
Mr. MagPie and I did, when I left Philly for grad school in Boston. At that time, we’d been together a little over four years.
And what made it work for us was designated daily phone time and/or Gchats. Honestly, we talk way less now that I’m back home full-time (which is a depressing thought at times)!
It’s nice to know that when it really counted — when distance was the issue — we both stepped up and made it work by enhancing an already strong connection.
We had a long distance relationship for about a year when Mr. Radish went off to grad school in Chicago and I was still in NY.
Eventually I moved to Chicago, too, but I wanted to make sure it was the right decision before I took the plunge. I’m very independent, and I guess I didn’t want to be the kind of girl that followed her boyfriend around.
But…we really wanted to be together and I felt that after a year of separation I could be sure that it was what I really wanted.
My fiance and I spent our first 18 months together living 6000 miles apart! (and 6 time zones.) Obviously I wasn’t thrilled about it, but I also wouldn’t have changed a thing about it. We learned to communicate. If I was mad at him I couldn’t just not speak to him, I HAD to tell him that I was mad and why I was mad.
And it was also an independence / youth thing. I was finishing up my undergrad degree. In my college career, I had moved from Panama City, to Orlando, to Tucson, and finally to Hawaii all on my own. And while being the new kid aint easy, I feel stronger and more independent for it. So I understand your feelings there, and anyone who judged you for your actions probably doesn’t know themselves or what they want nearly as much as you know yourself.
10 months of long distance done between the Avocados. I recommend just not doing it. So happy that stage of my life is over. Except for the 2 1/2 freaking months of not seeing each other right before the wedding!
Five years together, 3 have been long distance. I was like you, Ms. Sweet Tea, moved for grad school, wouldn’t let him pick up his life and move with me. We’re still long distance but make it work with a lot of understanding and commitment!
Mr. Darb and I had only been dating for 4 months when he moved from Chicago to a very small town in Iowa for a new job! I knew he was the one for me and decided to tough it out! His mom and siblings all live in the Chicago burbs so he came home often. He asked me all the time to move out with him and finally after 2 1/2 years I did! After living together for 15 months we were engaged! We made it through by talking on the phone each morning on the way to work, at lunch, on the way home from work and before bed! We also sent emails through out the day…we were always connected!
The Aussie and I have been together for 8.5 years this August (and engaged for 2.5 of it) and I left twice: London 2004-2005 and to Kyoto from October 2006-March 2008, so a total of 2.5 years, and half of our engagement!
One key important thing to an LDR is alot of clear communication; back when I was in London the time difference sucked so we sent alot of emails and would chat when we can. In Japan, the time difference worked out so well that we ended up speaking with one another twice a day.
Sending mail was also sweet - he sent me birthday cards, and I mailed him a scarf I made for him.
And onto that note: god bless Skype. We NEVER had to use phonecards, since I had internet in Japan.
@thefuturemrsdarb: I saw your name and couldn’t help thinking of Colin Firth saying it in his British accent. Hehe.
@Miss Avocado: is Mr. Avo going to be back in Poland? Maybe I missed it, by why won’t you see him before the wedding for two months?
We’ve been together for 7 years, and living together for 3, but in January, my fiance moved halfway across the country for a job in the location where we want to settle after I graduate and we get married. So for the 1.5 years before the wedding, we’re 700 miles apart — booooo. We try to see each other every 4-6 weeks, and the fact that we’re planning the wedding helps, because he has to come back to attend caterer tastings and things like that!
Same story, grad school in CA caused us to be 3 years apart. Talking about absolutely whatever was going on in our lives kept us close, so we didn’t grow apart. We learned how to really communicate. We also saw each other every 3 months. I get asked about this all the time. Oddly enough, it wasn’t that hard.
three years and counting for me and the bf! though it was was long distance from the get go. hopefully we’ll be able to settle on an ideal location soon and start making headway towards marriage.
with the cost of flights [i'm on the west coast, he's in the midwest], it’s been hard seeing each other as much as we like but we talk as much as possible. plus with a joint investment in webcams it’s been a lot easier to handle going through the months when we’re apart.
Can Mr. ST bring those glasses with him to the reception? I am serious! They would be great for our faux photo booth!
Hi Miss Sweet Tea,
My name is Holly Hatam and I am the owner of TearDrop, a high-end invitation company. I stumbled upon your blog yesterday and I was so inspired by your personality. You seem so unique and outgoing that I wanted to design an invite around your personality. I often check the blogs of brides to get a sense of what the bride is looking for in her wedding so that I may design my invitations around that. I want my designs to be genuine and real, and all you bride’s helps us to do that at TearDrop! I have posted the design on my blog at http://www.teardropweddings.blogspot.com
I would love to hear what you think!
FH and I met in September– in March, I got orders to move 7 hours away (I’m in the military). I never thought I’d find someone I felt so connected to, much less want to marry, but it was so early in the relationship to go long-distance. Although we didn’t want to do this at first, he eventually decided to pack up and move with me. I am still amazed at his committment and sacrifice, and at his support for my career (some of my friends and family have been less than supportive of my choosing the military). I had never experienced that from someone before, and that’s when I knew I was in this for keeps! Our wedding is 2 1/2 months away
Miss Sweet Tea,
Great to hear from you and I’m so happy you love the design! I would be more than happy to talk about thank you notes or rehersal dinner invitations. You can find my contact info on my website at http://www.teardropweddings.com
I look forward to speaking with you!
Miss Sweet Tea, San Diego/New Orleans
Age and Occupation: 26, Graduate Student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Web Monkey
Engagement Date: December 1, 2007
Wedding Date: December, 2008
Blogging Since: July 14, 2008
Venue: Small church ceremony, museum reception
About Me: I'm an East Coaster living on the West Coast, planning a wedding in the South. I teach, study and write about pop culture, race, and sexuality for a living- now if only my dream job paid! After Mr. Sweet Tea, my other loves are scuba diving, traveling, being a semi-pretentious foodie, and fighting for social justice. I can't wait to have our best friends and family together in our favorite city to
celebrate with us!
FI and I went to different colleges about 2 hours apart. Not the cross country distance that you endured, but with both of us grad school bound, we were incredibly busy and only saw each other about once a month for 4 years. It wasn’t fun being away, but in retrospect, we probably wouldn’t have been as successful had we been together during that time (too much distraction!).