Blinded by Bling… er, Love
July 17th, 2008 @ 10:24 am by Miss Sweet Tea
You’ve heard our sappy love story, so let’s move on to the shiny baubles!
Unlike the stories they will tell you on Platinum Weddings (or whatever new TV show out there) of a surprise engagement topped with ginormous blingy diamond ring, Mr. Sweet Tea and I went a slightly different track when it came to getting engaged, particularly when it came to the ring.
As I posted before, I studied abroad just prior to meeting Mr. Sweet Tea, but what I didn’t tell you was that I was in South Africa and began getting involved in social justice organizing around that time. Long story short, my burgeoning relationship with Mr. ST coincided with my community organizing around women of color and LGBTQ issues, paving the way for my career and lifestyle today.
While in South Africa my eyes were really opened about how so many industries are built on the exploitation of brown and black folks, the diamond industry being one of them. A very large percentage of the world’s diamond supply comes out of the mines in Southern Africa, especially in Botswana and South Africa. From unsafe, unhealthy and underpaid working conditions for miners, to the trafficking of diamonds to finance civil war, the diamond industry is so corrupted that I wanted to stay as far away from it as possible.
With the passage of the Kimberley Process, more jewelers now offer conflict-free certified diamonds (FYI: Canadian diamonds are the safest bet). But the assurance comes with a price- they cost much more than we could afford for what we wanted! And even “conflict-free” diamonds don’t protect against other abuses, such as the displacement of indigenous tribes to mine on their land.
Secondly, Mr. Sweet Tea and I also knew that we had very specific design ideas for the ring (ok, so I am the picky one) that would be nearly impossible to find off the rack at the jewelry store.
As you can see, we decided to have a custom engagement ring set with a sapphire and, yes, little diamonds around it. We worked with a local San Diego jeweler, Charles Koll Jewellers, to create something even prettier than I imagined.
Having been very involved with the design of my own engagement ring was really exciting, and didn’t take away from the “experience” of getting engaged. If anything, it was a nice way for Mr. Sweet Tea and I to bond, and make sure we were getting a good value ring for the money. Being debt-free is romantic to me! The “surprise” came in the proposal, and the fact I didn’t see the actual ring until he proposed.
Folks out there with diamond alternative engagement rings: show me your bling!
[Some more reading for you: An article by hip-hop activist Davey D on the connection between diamonds, apartheid, and hip-hop; and an international security studies report on conflict diamonds.]
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48 Responses to “Blinded by Bling… er, Love”
Gorgeous ring Sweet Tea! Thank you so much for posting about this important topic! We reused a family diamond in order to avoid using conflict diamonds! When my parents got engaged my mother had an amethyst engagement ring!
That’s beautiful and so vintage-y!
I love your ring! I wanted something more vintage myself, but my FI did a wonderful job picking out my ring…
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e228/nejireta04/ring.jpg
I have almost that exact same ring, only in more of a square shape and LOVE it. I thought I would miss not having a diamond…and I totally don’t! Everybody comments on how special and unusual my ring looks!
I have a sapphire with diamond border ring as well, only mine has no border around the diamonds and diamonds in the band. I picked out the original and when the jeweller’s wife sold it, he made me another with a bigger sapphire. I love my ring! And now I’m proud of the fact that it is environmentally friendly!
That is a STUNNING ring.
Your ring is beautiful and I love that you designed it together, and with a social conscience! Are your small diamonds Canadian?
Absolutely gorgeous!
what a beautiful ring!
Yay for blue engagment rings! I have an aquamarine, with two small diamonds on each side reused from family jewelry I had inherited. I started to get creative because ethically I just couldn’t be okay with buying diamonds. In the end, I am so much happier than I ever would have been because my ring has so much personal meaning. It is my family heritage (family diamonds), my self (aquamarine is my birthstone), and my future family (the engagement promise). I absolutely agree with you that doing a custom ring -and learning to make life choices together that reflect shared ideals- is a great way to bond with your sweetie.
I’m so happy to read that you were sensitive about making sure you used conflict-free diamonds. This was actully one of the main reasons my Fiance went with Tiffany to get my engagement ring and we plan to get our wedding bands from Tiffany also. As brown people ourselves, we want to ensure that we don’t contribute to the further exploitation that you describe.
sapphire + platinum + diamonds here too! the sapphire was a family heirloom that he had re-set in an awesomely vintage yet modern setting. my stone faces east-west, opposite of yours!
oh yeah — photo 
http://www.euphorique.com/ring.jpg
The setting on your ring is gorgeous! I’m anti-blood and actually anti-Kimberly as well. I guess Mr. Avocado and I don’t totally trust that diamonds can really be tracked that well. So I went used. To each his own though, and I have some friends who went to South Africa who feel the exact same way you do.
Love this post. We went with an estate aquamarine and diamond ring because of my own concerns about contributing to the mining of new materials (it’s all detrimental to the environment) and my rejection of the marketing of diamond rings as THE engagement ring. The stone’s so much bigger than any diamond we can afford, it has color (!), and it’s just incredibly different.
Love it! I, too, have an oval cut sapphire in a halo diamond setting :-). My father works in Africa, and his stories of the mines definitely drove my decision to look at other stones. I love the symbolism of the sapphire, too- loyalty and passion.
amazing…..I wanted a three stone ring with a ruby in the center. I got part of my wish (the diamonds) BUT our engagement rings with have sapphires in them to signify the month of our wedding
We did an Australian diamond. It’s light yellow/champagne colored, which made it affordable and unique.
Here’s a link to a photo I took.
What a gorgeous ring! I love it.
Mine is an antique diamond ring. Mr. Radish is a human rights activist (he works on Burma issues and indigenous issues) so he didn’t want a conflict diamond either… nor did I. I also wanted to try and keep it green by reusing already mined gems.
Where are sapphires coming from though?
I don’t mean to be a party pooper to anyone, but I know sapphires are Burma’s 3rd biggest gem export (behind jade and rubies) and pretty much anything that comes from Burma is associated with egregious human rights abuses and often slave labor.
Anyway, while I’m thrilled that people are starting to think more about conflict diamonds, I just wanted to point out that it’s not only diamonds that abuses are associated with.
Gem mining in general seems to be linked to human rights abuses and, by nature, any kind of mining is going to be bad for the environment.
Just something to keep in mind for anyone thinking of getting an alternative to a diamond. If you really want it to be “clean” you should still look into its origins.
Great post! We had similar concerns about human rights and environmental issues, and wound up going with a sapphire ring too: it’s renewed gold, so the processing is eco-friendly, and the company has a relationship with a mine in Malawi to get the sapphires — the stones are “ethically sourced,” so they guarantee the workers’ fair wages and working conditions. We bought the ring online from Brilliant Earth, and loved it! It’s been fun sharing the story with family and friends, too, hoping to raise their awareness of issues.
Mrs. Radish, you said the same thing I was just about to type, so I’ll just second what you said =P Also to consider are the environmental effects of any kind of mining, ethical or otherwise.
I love the story though, Miss ST!
@Mrs. Radish: I was thinking the same thing. It’s wonderful to have such an important issue brought to light. But it’s not just diamonds that are dirty with environmental degradation and human rights violations; other gemstone and precious metal industries have issues too. And it’s nearly impossible to track gemstones to declare them “conflict-free.” That’s why we went with an estate jewelry store where we could get an antique setting and re-use a (modest) stone. There are tons of used rings out there; many are even at a discount. Going without a ring is always an option too.
I’m excited to hear so many brides are becoming aware of the issues. It’s really important that they also change their purchasing habits (and expectations). Just like cars, houses, and energy usage - you need to think about the effects of your jewelry. A huge rock on your finger may not be the most sustainable decision; and you are just as married without a diamond.
Wait, so where did the diamonds in your ring come from?
I’m so happy you posted this. We too went against getting a diamond center stone. My fiance was the one with the objections, and I got educated along the way. We ended up with the Tiffany Legacy Ring, with an aquamarine center stone (his birthstone).
I have an oval sapphire with two tiny side diamonds. I told my FI to get me a sapphire because I like blue and I knew he could get more ring for his money with sapphire instead of diamond. And I love having such a unique ring!
Wow. Before reading everyone elses comments I thought my sapphire ring was a crazy unique idea. Ah well - I still love my ring!! And while it does have a center diamond - its Canadian!! =) And its perfect and my fiance did it all on his own! Lets hear it for the boys!
check it out!
http://barefootstargazer.blogspot.com/2008/06/perfect-ring.html
Sapphire here, as well, with tiny diamonds (allegedly conflict-free) set in the band. The best part about going a different route than the diamond solitaire is that you get something unique, socially conscious (you, at least, hope), and you show that you are not buying into all the hype about guys having to shell out ridic amounts of cash for a ring. Nice work, everyone!
My engagement ring is styled similarly to yours, and I can’t figure out what to do about the wedding band. What are your plans?
I wondered too about where your diamonds came from? I was thrown a bit to get the the end of your post and find out that you did actually use diamonds in the end!
My rings were made at Charles Koll too! Aren’t they great! I had always said I wanted a sapphire ring, but my boyband (boy+husband-hus = boyband) surprised me with his own design. Which I love, but I would’ve been really happy with a sapphire too. Love your post!! Thanks for all the great info.
I have a sapphire and diamond engagement ring that I picked out myself and sent him to procure : ) It’s a round sapphire in a diamond halo setting and a diamond band. It’s beautiful and totally me. Plus, he is British and it is a British royal tradition to give sapphire engagement rings - the Queen Mother, QE2, Princess Ann and Princess Diana all had/have them, plus lots prior.
I’ve also heard that many sapphires and other precious gems have the same issues as “blood” diamonds. I’ve had trouble finding as many resources for conflict-free precious gems as I have for diamonds.
Your ring is gorgeous and even more so because of your socially conscious choice
woo hoo for alternatives. i was very keen to encourage a responsible choice when FI started hinting around. i thought of a sapphire ring, but ended up getting a blue diamond from green karat in an unusual setting. between the recycled white gold, the carbon offset for the shipping, and the cruelty-free gem, we felt good about the ring. i absolutely love it.
@Peonies and Polaroids: I think the small stones like that are really just the scraps from when they cut larger diamonds.
So they could still be conflict-free. And even if they aren’t they are just leftovers, so in my opinion at least, it’s not that bad.
I like your ring - it’s very pretty.
This is totally crazy, my fiance is totally the same way. Her engagement ring is actually made of a natural yellow sapphire, set in a tiffany legacy-esque setting. She’s a political science major, and hence a little bleeding heart.
I absolutely love your ring!!! My fiance’s birthstone is a sapphire and my birthstone is a diamond. So my ring is a small round sapphire with tiny diamonds surrounding it (looks like a french tulip holding up a blue stone) and since college we’ve had this running joke that if he got me this ring, he’s the sapphire and i’m the diamonds surrounding him and he can NEVER escape me! (have to add in the muah ha ha ha here). Plus, having a sapphire eases my conscience just a tad, not too much because the small diamonds, although non-conflict, could still have caused some pain in this world…
I have always wanted an old engagement ring because I have always loved european and old mine cut diamonds. Plus, the designs are unique and you aren’t likely to see another woman wearing your ring. My fiance ended up buying my ring from a jeweler that I buy a lot of antique and vintage jewelry from that is located in an antique I have gone to all my life. It is a beautiful 1930s Art Deco diamond ring that is lovely and did not cost an arm and a leg!
Totally beautiful ring - I love sapphire e-rings. My unblingy ring is here (not trying to increase blog traffic, just easier this way!): http://parentheticalbride.blogspot.com/2008/07/raw-goodness.html
I completely agree with Mrs. Radish and others that it’s extremely important to be cognizant of all the other non-diamond mining problems that still exist, but I’m happy whenever this issue is brought to light. I think we just do what we’re comfortable with and capable of.
It’s a beautiful ring! My e-ring is a lavender sapphire solitare (and FI did the research to find where the sapphire came from).
Wow, what a response! Sorry, I just got back from the Gingerbreads’ wedding late last night so only am reading this now.
@Mrs. Radish: You’re totally right- it is just as important to be track the sources of all gemstones, not just diamonds. And, as Maujer said, it is harder to find ‘conflict-free’ gemstones because they don’t even have the Kimberley process, if anything at all.
We did, in fact, track the origin of our sapphires and diamonds before purchasing by having our jeweler only give us a selection from ethically-mined sources. Our jeweler does a lot of non-diamond gemstone work, so I was confident they would help us find stones that were beautiful, within our price range, and ethically-mined. In that sense, they did cost more then sapphires/sapphire rings you can buy online, but it was worth it to me.
@Miss Avocado: Our other option was going with an estate diamond too. I should have mentioned that as another alternative that is less environmentally damaging to boot- buying a vintage ring. I think I mentioned in a prior post about almost getting a vintage e-ring in NY…
I love your ring… utterly gorgeous. Sapphires are my new favourite stone
Miss Sweet Tea, San Diego/New Orleans
Age and Occupation: 26, Graduate Student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Web Monkey
Engagement Date: December 1, 2007
Wedding Date: December, 2008
Blogging Since: July 14, 2008
Venue: Small church ceremony, museum reception
About Me: I'm an East Coaster living on the West Coast, planning a wedding in the South. I teach, study and write about pop culture, race, and sexuality for a living- now if only my dream job paid! After Mr. Sweet Tea, my other loves are scuba diving, traveling, being a semi-pretentious foodie, and fighting for social justice. I can't wait to have our best friends and family together in our favorite city to
celebrate with us!
i also have a sapphire engagement ring w/ little diamonds around it
took a diamond ring from a jewlery store and had them replace it w/ a sapphire. i just loved the look of a sapphire, and i’m not really a big diamond bling kinda girl. What are you doing for yoru wedding band?