Wedding Blog
According to the 2006 US Census, the average age of first marriage is 27.5 for men and 25.9 for women. Of the 22 current Miss Bloggers, the average age is 25.75, with the youngest at 23 and the wisest at 32.The average age of marriage has continued to rise. The year my parents were married, 1972, the average age of marriage for a guy was 23.2 and the lady was 20.9. This is similar to my parents’ ages when they got married: my mom was a fresh 21 and my dad was 22.
The average age of marriage varies by region too. Newlyweds in the Northeast are older than the national average and brides and grooms in the Midwest, West and South are younger. Idaho has the youngest average female age of 22.5 (followed closely by Utah at 22.7), and Massachusetts and New York have the oldest average age of 27.7.
I can personally attest to the regional age differences. In rural Minnesota, where I grew up, it is quite common to marry in your early 20s. My brother was 23 when he got married, and at the time (I was 15) I didn’t even think to question his age. Today, three out of four of my closest friends in high school are now married, all by the age of 23. Having lived in the Northeast for the last six years, a majority of my friends are not married and I rarely stumble upon someone sub-27 who is hitched.
I was 23 when Mr. PN and I got engaged and will be 24 when we get married (he will be 31 on the big day). I cannot begin to recount the number of people who have asked me the following questions:
“Are you old enough to get married?”
“I couldn’t even imagine getting married when I was 24!
“Why are you getting married so young?”
I usually shrug off these questions but sometimes they really get to me. The majority of people making these comments are essentially strangers including doctors, sales clerks, and coworkers. They know very little about me or Mr. PN. They don’t know that we have been together for over four years. They don’t know what we have been through together. They don’t know anything but they still feel the need to pass judgment.
I want to ask these people: “What do you think I should do then? Leave Mr. PN, whom I love and who loves me, just to play the field? Continue dating Mr. PN for another four years until I am old enough to get married?”
So, how old are you? Have you heard similar remarks regarding your age? How do you respond?
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i’m 28 and FH is 29. It’s quite the opposite for me. People used to say.. when are you guys going to get married? better get married before you get old. Apparently, “30″ is the benchmark for females in my culture to be called “old”. Boo for those people!
Very funny - just smile and tell them that you think you’ll be all right. I am 43, and DH is 50 - we were married a little over a week ago. I have been asked thousands of times (starting in my thirties) “How come you never got married?” And now, of course, everybody says “Well, you know, you’re both still young… when are you thinking about kids?” You’re right - it’s sometimes friends and family, but often people you don’t really know at all. I just smile and say “Well, we don’t want to rush into anything!”
I will too be a young bride when I get married.
I am 21 now…but, will be 22 on the big day.
The only people who have questioned my age are the people who don’t know myself and my fiance. — I usually have the same response as you do when people that don’t know us question us, like:
“I am in love with my fiance and want to spend the rest of my life with my fiance — why would I date anyone else when I know in the end he is “the one”.”
I know it won’t change their opinion but, I feel like I have justified it more and more for myself!
PS. I have also grown up in Minnesota…Yaahhh! 
I’ve heard a great deal of the same thing since Mr. CC and I are both 24 as well. We hear a lot of “you’re young, why would you waste your youth on marriage?!” or people feel like they need to tell us how miserable they are in their marriages and how hard it is (of course it’s hard!) and what we’re up against. I try to ease people’s fears by telling them that we’ve been together for six years and have lived together for five, but it doesn’t make a difference, they are still full of lectures and judgments. We’ve just learned to nod and smile and take everything with a grain of salt since we know we’re happy and that’s all that matters
wow i get that “why are you getting married so young” question ALL the time. i got engaged at 22 and my fiance is 28. we’ve been together for over 4 yrs now and seriously…what am i supposed to do..just wait until i’m around 25 to get married?
my usual response: when you know …you just know. what’s the point in waiting.
I punch them in the face and yell “TUNA FISH!”
It’s an absurd response to an equally absurd inquiry.
Actually, I don’t think I’ve dealt with this question. People generally assume I’m older than I am. Boo for me. 
I am 22, FH is 24, and we’ll be 24 and 26 respectively when we get married. We were 20 and 22 when we got engaged. I never doubted the age thing, and my parents were very supportive of our engagement. There was always the understanding among all four of us that there would be no wedding until I was done with law school, so a long engagement it is! Works for us!
I get that ALL the time. What I want to ask them is if YOU had found the love of your life, and dated for years and know you are blessed and happy, would you still wait because perception is that 23 is too young? Heck no! Besides, age can often be just a number–maturity levels don’t necessarily coincide.
@Miss Cherry Pie: haha cherry pie that comment cracked me up!!!!
I’ll be a few weeks shy of my 27th birthday when we get married, but I’m fully anticipating the “but you’re so young!” unless my face does some serious aging between now and then. (I got carded at a MOVIE THEATER when I was in college by a pimply faced 16 year old. Seriously?!)
When we get married next year, he will be 27 and I will be 25… but I was 24 when he proposed and I said yes.. and 3 days prior to that, I was 23. I think it is such a personalized thing of whether you are indeed old enough, (which in reality is mature enough and that sometimes has nothing to do with age). I know some people, and some friends who are engaged or already married and I really do think they were/are too “young”, but I’ll keep my mouth shut because its really not my business. What I don’t understand is the “we must be married NOW” syndrome. I know two people lately who have gotten engaged after not dating very long and then said and we have to get married now… AND they weren’t even shot gun weddings! I understand the wanting forever to start as soon as possible bit, but I think anyone who can’t see past that to a more logical point of view might be too young.
Ha, I’ve gotten the opposite reaction. I’m from the east coast, and have been dating my fiance since I was 20. We lived together with a third roommate for a year, then he and I moved to Louisville, KY so I could start medical school (I was 24 years old and he was 25). At that time, only 1 of my friends had gotten married. I arrived in Louisville and was bombarded with questions about why we weren’t married yet — or “at least” engaged. There were a lot of married young people in my class, which was unusual compared to my friends’ med school classes on the east coast, and it was surprising to me. We were happy living together, and while I might have been ready to get engaged a little earlier than he ended up proposing, I didn’t have a real problem with our timing. I’ll be 28 at the wedding and he will be 29, which seems completely normal to me, but I was SO sick of people insinuating that we were waiting too long or getting too old or things like that! We all just have to learn to not pay attention to other people’s comments, I guess.
I got that a lot, too, but mostly because both the Mr. and I look younger than we are. We both turned 26 right before our wedding, but both of us could probably pass for a few years younger.
I completely understand! I’m 22 and getting married in 2 weeks. I’ve been dating my fiance for 7 years, so I’ve always gotten questions like that. My standard answer is ” yes well, we’re happy, and in love, so why wait?” I’m considering using Miss Cherry Pie’s response from now on though!! I find most of these comments are from snarky FSIL, or my pretending-not-to-be-but-clearly-is-jealous co-worker.
I’m 31 and people have said things like “whew, just in time!” and “well, you sure are cutting it close” - whatever. I personally grew up in NYC and could NEVER EVER imagine getting married under 30, but seriously, to each their own.
Well, I’m a cougar… the FH turned 28 today, and I’ll be 32 in September. No one really said “why so young” which is surprising, cuz I look a helluva lot younger than I am.
They mostly comment on our difference in age.
I’m 27, my fiance’ is 27. We’ll both be 27 (he’ll be alllllmost 28) when we marry. I’m really glad I didn’t get married when I was 24 because I didn’t know my FI back then and he’s the only person I want to marry. And that’s about the only reason. I have to say that honestly, if I meet someone who is getting married (or already married) younger than 25, I might think “whoa”…but at the same time, if I was 21 and with my FI, I would have done the same thing. People tend to draw on their own experiences, I think…if they marry at 24, that’s normal. If they were partying it up at 24, that’s “normal”…I’m glad you posted this b/c it will definitely make me think twice about what I think first, if you know what I mean.
My husband and I began dating 5 years ago when I was 17 and he was 26. Im 22 now and he is 31. We’ve been married for a little over a year and married life is wonderful. Sure, we have rough patches like everyone, but I can’t imagine my life without him. When strangers and random people I know make comments like that I just smile and say I consider myself blessed that I found the love of my life at such a young age. I actually got a comment similar to the one’s above from the mechanic at the tire store this morning. I completely understand where your coming from though….
i’ve been married twice with the first time @ 24 [after knowing him for 3 years]. i can tell you from experience that you WILL change and so will your partner. while i thought i knew who i was and who he was, i didn’t know anything. not a clue. we said all the things that posters are saying, “when ya know, ya know.” and “i just never doubted it.” and “we’re happy and that’s all that matters.” and “he’s the one!”
we were together for 6 years of marriage. at 30 we both decided that we had both grown in different directions than we thought we would and thos directions were apart, not together.
at 24 you can claim to know all about yourself [i did too!], but you’re kidding yourself a bit. i’m 38, have been to years of ‘maintenance’ therapy and i still haven’t got myself figured out [tho i'm pretty close!].
this isn’t a post to say “you’re not old enough!” or “you’re too young!” but i do urge caution.
I think that everyone is different. I’m a bit older than most of the bees and believe in waiting to get married. I have known at least 3 couples who get married right after college and got divorced. You can be ready to be married in your early twenties, but people do change a lot in their twenties. You just don’t see it while you’re there.
McG - seriously? 4 years is nothing!
Both my FI and I are a bit over 30, so I guess we’re on the older side. 
Neither of us feel as if we waited obscenely long - that’s just how things went. Any pressure to marry by a certain age does not make any sense at all. You should marry when it’s right for you and your FI. Some people are lucky to find that person earlier, some opt to wait.
My husband was 23 when we got married, and I was 24. He was going to start paramedic school a few months after our wedding, so I used to explain to people who asked, “Well, we wanted to get married before he starts school and don’t want to wait until he’s finished in two years…” After awhile I realized that I didn’t owe anyone an explanation! The REAL truth was that we were so in love and the time was right. When you know, you know!!! When people make comments now, it doesn’t even phase me. I know we did the right thing and I would never take it back for anything in the world
Sounds like I’m not the only one getting comments about my age - young or old.
@Miss Cherry Pie: Perfect response Cherry Pie! I will try that one next time
@A: I agree with you A - age is just a number, maturity is what really matters.
I’m 23, will be 24, maybe 25 if we play the date of the wedding a week after we are thinking right now, - he will be 26/maybe 27 (our b-days are 6 days apart). We have been dating since I was 15, (8+ years) went to highschool together, etc. Dated all through college, lived together for a year before we got engaged. It was me who wanted to wait, not because I wasn’t sure of the relationship, but because I wanted people to take our relationship as serious as we do. I didn’t want the comments about another couple that is ‘too-young’ and ‘doesn’t know what they are getting into’. We haven’t really heard any of them yet, in fact we got an ‘well its about time’. We knew we were going to get married, we practically have been for years now, we could wait for a piece of paper.
Location : Boston, MA
I’m 23, and my fiance is 24. We get that comment a lot! Even from friends, which I have to tell you, hurts the most. But what I know is that we love each other, and we know there’s no one else we’d rather be with. So why not get married now?
I get it all the time! It is so frustrating. What gives perfect strangers (usually someone I’m paying for a service, too, none the less) the right to say when I can and can’t get married. We’ll both be 22 on the day of our wedding (currently 21), but we don’t see a problem with that as we’ve been together for a long time and have thought this out quite a bit.
@Miss Cherry Pie: hahahahha. Awesome response!
I get pissy about people who make these kind of asinine comments. Even brides make them about each other (see comments on these boards). It’s obnoxious.
I’m also tired of the “you can’t tell who you’re going to be at XX age so don’t get married too young” argument. We all know we’re going to change. So how is it logical to wait until you’re 35…45…55 until you, what? Stop changing? Know yourself better? Don’t these things continue to happen into old age?
I’m 38. For years people have been asking me why I never married. (I don’t know why I didn’t. It just didn’t happen.) I wonder why anyone thinks it’s any of their business how old you are when you get married or why you haven’t gotten married yet? I used to tell people, “No man deserves to be that happy.” But really, what a crass question…
However, when I was 24, I Really wanted to get married because all of my friends were getting married and I felt I was “ready” (whatever that means). I think there are pros and cons to getting married when you’re in your early 20s (e.g. you have more energy, you’re more open to another person, you’re hopefully a little less settled in your ways, don’t own your own home and are less cynical) and to waiting until you’re older (e.g. you probably do know yourself better, you’ve lived more and are hopefully more mature, you have had time to have adventures of your own and develop your own identity a little more). I certainly haven’t waited until I hit a magic number and there are many drawbacks to waiting as well as many good things.
Whatever you decide, it’s your life and you will make your own decisions, for better or for worse. Anyone who wants to judge your choices should go fly a kite.
If we go with our current plan, I’ll be 24 and my mister will be 26 when we marry. I’m actually surprised at how little “you’re so young!” we’re getting! I think it’s because we’ve been together for over 5 years, so people have been expecting it for a while.
At 30, I’m one year older than Mr SB. People (read: his friends) like to tease him about marrying an older woman (har har, very clever, guys).
I think age is a state of mind. You’re ready to get married when you’re ready to get married, and that’s all that should matter.
We will both be 30 when we get married and while people don’t comment on our age, they sure do comment on how long we’ve been dating (7+yrs and counting).
Morale of the story ? People will make comments no matter what, either you are ( according to them) too old, or too young, dated too long or too short, and if none of that applies then surely you are younger than him or he is younger than you. People need to mind their own business.
@Miss Cherry Pie: Whaa?? No Cherry Pie SMAAASSSH!?
I haven’t been asked that question - and I feel sorely left out of the “young loop” - much like I do when I don’t get carded for ordering a beer. PEOPLE! WHY WON’T YOU PESTER ME ABOUT BEING TOO YOUNG TO GET MARRIED!? I am chopped liver.
I get asked if we’re old enough to be getting married all the time. My FH and I are 21, and we’ll be getting married on our three year anniversary of dating. We’ve been through a lot together and have also made the wise decision of spending plenty of time around each other’s families and getting to know one another’s cultures. We’re from different countries, so I’ve even travelled overseas to spend time with his family in his hometown.
We’re not quite in the teen marriage category, but people sure act like it. We’re both well educated and considered by close friends to be mature for our age. I think some acquaintances even go so far as to think that I’m pregnant, though, which I most definitely am not! Besides, our wedding isn’t for another 8 months…go figure.
We both see marriage as being very serious and spiritual and consider ourselves blessed to be able to enjoy our youth together. We want to cherish that because most people go through so much to find “the one.” We don’t think we should wait to tie the knot just because society says it’s not acceptable to marry young.
Marriage is about love, commitment, genuine friendship and understanding, things that come with maturity, which isn’t necessarily dictated by numeric age. I think has been perfectly exemplified by all the cheating, divorcing, 40+ Hollywood A-listers. Uggh.
I was 22 and my husband was 24 when we got married. On the “young” side, but not unheard of in our circle seeing as how the school we were undergrads at’s unofficial motto is, “Ring by spring or your money back!”
I can’t say for sure that I know how the numbers work in our region (Southern Californa - Orange County). There are plenty of 20s singles, but there’s also no shortage of younger married couples.
I am 22 and my fiance is 23 and we still be that age when we get married. And out of all my friends and (step) sisters, who aren’t any older than me, I am the last to get married. Crazy, huh! Even before we got engaged family was asking us when we were going to get married. So we pretty much had the opposite reaction from people that you get… I’m from the midwest though, so I guess that average age stuff is definetly true. We decided to get married when we felt like we were in the right spot in our relationship, as well as when we finished school, and could afford to have our wedding.
Yeeeaaaaahhhh… I’m from New York and my parents would have locked me in the basement if I so much as suggested I was going to get married in my early - or even mid-twenties. Of course, that could have had something to do with the type of men I was dating during that period : )
my husband and i are both 21, i was 20 when we got married almost 2 months ago! I got it all the time… your too young… do you know him? you’ve got so much living left to do… so what… when i get married my life ends… we both felt that getting married started our lives, together, the way we felt it should be! my hubby has also gotten asked if this is just a practice marriage… i cant believe that is even an idea these days! ahh! it has been really frustrating and the questions haven’t stopped since we have gotten married either! haha i jsut want people to remember back like 30 years when people didn’t move in together and getting married was actually a really important turning point in life!
woah… sorry about the rant!!
I’m 24 and my fiance is 29, and we’re getting married in two weeks. We got engaged when I was 23 and he was 28.
I totally know how you feel, I get the “child bride” thing A LOT (mostly because I still look 16). I work in LA and it’s especially prevalent here that you really “don’t know yourself” until you’ve hit your 30’s. Because of that, I get a lot of comments asking me why I’m rushing in to marriage. It’s so frustrating, but you’ve just got to take it in stride.
I’m happy I’m getting married “young” because it doesn’t put pressure on me to have kids right away. I’ve still got plenty of time on my biological clock and I can use that time to spend with my future husband. =)
This isn’t a comment against marrying young but a comment about my own experience. I got married last year at 32 and can definitely say that looking back, I was not ready for marriage before age 30. It’s not a simple matter of how mature you are, I’ve always been mature “for my age” but being mature “for my age” is a far cry from having the wisdom that comes from years and years of life experiences. I’ve been in two long-term relationships (7 & 4 years) and marriage was discussed in both of those. Personally, I’m so glad they didn’t end up in marriage because I was honestly too young to really know what I want from life. The extra years allowed me to grow into my own skin and really know myself and know what I truly want from life.
Us old farts remember how we were in our 20’s and can’t help making comments like that. Sorry.
that is so interesting
i always wanted to get married younger around 25.. so then i wouldn’t have to worry about looking older in my pictures haha. When you’re ready to get married… you’re ready to get married. Age doesn’t dictate how ready you are.
FI and I are 20 and we will be married next month. I am getting the same questions from, as everyone else says, people who don’t know us. As someone raised in the NE, when we started talking about marriage, my first thought was “but NO ONE gets married before 27. AT LEAST”. FI grew up in the Midwest in a Mormon family, so obviously his experience was far from mine. I think no matter what, strangers (especially strangers) are going to voice opinions on your wedding - you are too young, why aren’t you married yet, etc.
@Mrs. Bee: @Miss Cherry Pie: Ditto to what everyone else has said - perfect response.
People bug me, they just can’t keep their opinions to themselves.
I agree with you. I live in DC and will be 26 on the big day (my FI will be 25) and I feel totally alone among my peers. No one I know here is getting married or even considering it. In DC, getting married under 30 is almost like contracting a disease.
my husband and i were 23&24 when we got married last year. we get a lot of questions about why..from people that don’t know us. we also only dated 7 months before we got married. but we’re still together and going strong 1 year later (and many more). we were on the east coast and yes, people think it’s strange cuz they’re still in party/drunk college mode. my husband and i also still get carded all the time (darn those asian youthful genes). now people keep asking when the baby is coming. so.first we’re too young to get married, now we’re supposed to be a baby factory (we want kids, when we’re more solid in financial savings). i’d go for the punch method.
I was married at 22 and divorced at 28. At the time I too balked at the comments about being too young. Now in my mid 30’s, I completely see we were too young. As cliche as it sounds, I “found” myself around age 27. No one could have told me this at all when I was 21 and engaged. I also didn’t see it as unusual as I too was from the midwest where my Mom and sister married young when they were each 20.
Even though my marriage didn’t work out - it has made me into the person I am today. We didn’t have children. It made realize what I wanted and didn’t want out of life. I wouldn’t change that for anything.
I can honestly say out of the 6 out of the 7 friends I had who also got married in their early 20’s - all are now happily re-married to someone else in their mid to late 30’s. One is happily married and going on her 14th year anniversary with 2 young sons. My only other non divorced friend got married when she was 29 - and she attests waiting is why she’s still married.
Questions of if you are too young just can’t be answered right now. You won’t be able to answer that either until 15 years down the line, when you have time, age and retrospect to look at it with eyes you currently don’t have. No matter what the outcome will be - with age wisdom does come.
The comments people are giving you are tackless. Even if I don’t agree with something I’m not going to spew it out in someones face. Just Ignore them. Don’t respond. There is no reason to. There is not need to justify yourself. You are doing what is right for you for the right now. That’s what life is about. You’ll learn and grow from your marriage no matter what the outcome will be. Age in that respect has nothing to do with it.
I normally never comment on this matter, but here goes. I think we all deal with things as they come — which means we deal with our choices as we make them. For us, we chose to get married young; we deal with each other’s changing careers and characters, support each other’s life explorations, and remain committed because that’s what we chose to do. We understood the responsibilities of marriage going into it. And we love it!
Will I be more mature at age 30 than now at almost-24? Yep, I expect to be! And I bet if I got married at 30 I’d go about it a different way than I have done now, since my experiences would be different.
Since experiences are not measurable and vary so much from person to person, I would say the life experiences of a 20-year-old could possibly rival those of a 30-year-old in richness, depending on what kind of life the individual leads and what matters of happiness and grief, pain and conflict and joy she has been through. It is all these things that allow us, or perhaps even prompt us, to make the decisions that we do. If two people are ready to take on the commitment and responsibilities of marriage, I don’t think it matters what age they are at.
We all tend to judge people according to what we’ve done ourselves, but I think that’s just human nature, and I accept that. In fact, I’m probably guilty of it myself. If people say, “… wow, you got married YOUNG!” I nod and say, “Yep, we did!” and take it as a nice reminder of how blessed I am to have done so.
I’m glad you’ve addressed this. I remember going to my girlfriend’s bachelorette party last year and some women in the restroom harassing her about getting married at 22. Of course, I think she was intoxicated–but still! I’m 22 right now and will be getting married when I’m 23. My FI will be 26. I think the “right” age for people differs from person to person.
Don’t let those people get to you! Punching them in the mouth and yelling “TUNA FISH” seems like a perfectly acceptable response. Try that next time and let us bee readers know how it goes
Oh, and I’m from MI
I’ll be 26 (one month shy of 27) and Mr. ST will have just turned 30 by the time we get married. I honestly never pictured myself married in my 20s but I guess I’m officially mid-twenties so it’s almost the same
I definitely see weddings in waves. A lot of my friends in the South got married in their early twenties, and only now are lots of my NY friends getting married- they are late 20s to early 30s. I posted something similar to yours on my original blog, because I was frankly surprised so many of my single lady friends were getting married all at once!
Compared to our midwest-friends, we’re late. Compared to our California-friends, we’re early. No one has said anything about it, but sometimes you just can’t win.
I would totally play up saying “OMG You’re right! I’m leaving him tomorrow! Are you single??” But, I’m kinda obnoxious like that.
I know exactly how you feel. My fiance and I are both 23 and will still be when we get married. We have been dating since we were 16 years old. People (especially at work) always make comments about how I’m so young and I haven’t had a chance to live my life yet (mind you these are all single people who would probably love to be in my shoes and are just jealous). I don’t see why people don’t understand that I’m still going to have a chance to live my life, I’m just going to get to do it with my best friend by my side!
Good Lord I think I’m the oldest:
I’m 33 (well 34 Sunday but who’s counting) and I have heard, “its about time” or “oh wow your old.”
I’ve been a little floored in a “do you realize you just said that out loud” kind of way.
Some people see my engagement ring and say, “wow, how old are you?….oh no wonder”
I’ve learned to smile and say, “its true when they say, good things come to those who wait.”
Then I turn around and roll my eyes in disgust - haha.
FH and I have been together 3 years now. He turns 40 tomorrow and though he’s been down the isle before*, he’s told me that if we weren’t so “seasoned” I wouldn’t have had a ring which I sometimes think is a bit much.
*something tells me, my ring kicks that ring in the BEE-HIND «tee-hee»
I get it aaalll the time. My FI and I are 4 years apart (I’m 22, he’s 26) and we will be 24 and 28(!) at the time of the wedding. A few days ago my mom told me some of her friends remarked that I’m “so young.” She actually admitted to me that she would rather me be young and happy than wake up at 30 saying “Oh, sh*t.” Whenever some one gives me a hard time about getting married young I just say that I’m extremely happy and I just have faith that we will work. If anything, FI’s parent’s have shown me that marrying young (they were 21 and 22) CAN work. Although…next time I get a naysayer I might go the punch in the mouth and yell “TUNA FISH!” route
Oh and we’re in Florida but transplanted from NYC and Jersey.
For northeast standards…I’m not that “old”
p.s. I’m from the south and have attended 7 weddings of friends my age this summer so I definitely see the regional thing.
I must be the one to take the cake. I’m 18 and was engaged 2 months after my 18th birthday. He is 21. I’ve been with my future hubby 4 years so no one has had an issue with our ages. In fact, when we asked our pastor to marry us (keep in mind this guy is a good friend of ours) he replied “wait, I thought you were already married. How old are you?” My biggest advice for someone who is accused of being too young is keep your head held high. The one person who reacted negatively was my step sister. When she asked me why I would willingly miss out on what life had to offer, my only reply was “I couldn’t imagine experiencing anything worthwhile in life without him.” And its the truth.
i was 24 when my fiance proposed (he was 25) and we’ll both be 26 when we tie the knot next year. our wedding will be between quite a few friends’ weddings, so i guess we’re just average! it’s strange how friends tend to marry in groups…
we’re both 22 but will be 24 when we’re married. it sounds young sometimes, but some people are ready sooner than others i guess! plus we both grew up in the midwest…i think that has something to do with it too
my fh and i are both 23 and will be married when we are 24 (or just barely 25, depending on the date). while we are still growing, maturing, and changing, we have been through enough in the almost five years that we have known each other and been together to know that whatever gets thrown our way in marriage will be survivable.
i also agree with charmedbride, location has a lot to do with it. most of my friends here in the northwest are my age or older, and most of them don’t even have significant others, much less marriage on the radar. but mr. 122 and i met in tennessee in college, and i had very few friends who weren’t already married by the time i graduated.
Somewhat like Emma above, I was “late” compared to my midwest rural high school friends (who started getting married at 17… it still happens, folks), and “early” compared to my urban Chicago friends (he was 24, I was three weeks shy of 24 when we got hitched). Since we couldn’t please anyone, we never tried.
Here’s the thing: when I met Mr. HB when we were both 20, I had absolutely no intention of falling in love. It just happened. For some people, it happens when they’re 15. For others, it’s when they’re 50. There’s really nothing to be done to speed it up or slow it down, I think.
2+ years into the marriage, we both know we’ve already changed in ways we wouldn’t have anticipated, but it’s OK, and I think this may be helped by the fact that we were youngsters when we got hitched: we knew we didn’t have it all figured out, but we wanted to figure it out with each other.
I do think it’s rude for people to ask things like “why haven’t you gotten married yet?” or “don’t you think you’re too young?” - it’s the same genre of rude as “when are you going to have kids?” which is so intrusively personal I do get tempted to do something like Ms. Cherry Pie’s Tuna Fish move…
I think it can also have to do with what religion you are. In our church we don’t believe in living together before we get married, so I think that speeds the process up a bit. Most girls are married by their mid twenties, males by 30. When my FH and I get married I will be 22 and he will be 25, and after 4 years of dating.
I don’t think age so much matters—so long as it’s not DIRECTLY out of HS–as long as you have spent a couple years together and have been able to weather things, that’s all that really matters.
I completely know what you mean! I’m 22 and my wedding is in 3 weeks. Most people who don’t really know my fiance and me as a couple very well will ask me if I’m nuts. People who have hung out with us in the last 3 years are very excited for us.
Everyone is ready at a different age, some of us earlier then others.
@rebecca: I completely agree with this! Both Mr. PN and I have changed a lot in the last 4 years. I am not the same person I was when we started dating when I was 19. We have weathered those changes and will continue to for many years to come!
@Mrs. Plumeria: Well said! You wrote a lot of what I was thinking. Each person has thier own life experiences and is thier own unique person. In my case I had lived alone and supported myself financially before meeting Mr. PN because I didn’t go straight to college - somewhat unique for a 19 year old…
Haha. I’m only 22 and I don’t even think my mother was surprised that we were getting engaged (my step-dad knew as soon as FH walked in the door). Yes, I’m young and my parents are both in their second marriage so I know the risks of getting married young. I’ve also been with FH for 3 years but we’re old for 22 and 24. We aren’t partiers (even though he’s a rock musician) and we’d rather watch Jon and Kate plus 8 (ok maybe just me) than go to a Kegger with all our friends!
It’s all about your individual situation, personality and relationship! Best of Luck to all my fellow young brides out there!
My new DH and I (we have been married a little over two months) are both 20. We have been together five years, and have gotten a slew of comments from any and everyone you can imagine. The bottom line is- we are both adults, I have been a nurse (RN) for a year now- we can easily afford to support ourselves, and therefore it should not be any of their concern.
He is my best friend in the world, and has been for quite a while. We have changed a TON, gone through a lot of “hardships” so far, and our relationship has weathered more so far than many others… I am not concerned in the least about our marriage lasting.
Some things you just know- and this is one of them. I certainly wouldn’t recommend marriage to most my age- most people are too immature and unwilling to work, and work hard at making a marriage work. It isn’t a 50/50 effort… both of you must put in 100% for it to work.
If you are both willing to commit to putting in 100% NO MATTER WHAT, then it will work.
First I love what Mrs. Plumeria said and we are a society known to judge.
Now onto me… I will be 22 and the man will be 23. It is very common here (Texas) to get married in (eep) or just out of college. We both got our bachelor degrees in May and it’ll be a year before our wedding. We have been together for four years and known each other for 5.
I think that different part of the country have different emphasis’s on whats important. In bigger cities its becoming more important to be stable with job/money issues when entering a marriage these days. A lot of people think that you should build up your career first and foremost before marriage which will take what, 5-7 years after college? If you are 21 you likely won’t be quite as stable as you would if you waited a few years. Smaller towns and slower paced areas tend to value the family aspect and see it as important to get a good start on creating a family. The first step to that is catching a man right?
That being said you can’t help when you fall in love. So what if society has put marriage on the back burner and told you that you need to live first. What if they expect you to marry young and 30 is way past pushing it? Regardless of what others say, I’m ready to move onto my life as a wife living it up with the greatest guy in the world by my side. Realistically - there is no reason we can come up with right now that says anything is wrong with it.
we’re both 21 and got married just under three months ago. however, we both look like we’re 16… i work in the admissions office at a university, and have had MANY prospective parents grab my hand, inspect my ring, and claim that i can’t be old enough to get married legally. thanks, but i am, even if you don’t think so! not sure what makes them think that’s ok!
will we change and grow, yes. i’m sure we will. but if i’m going to change no matter what, i’d much rather do it with my best friend by my side.
I’m 21, the FI is 23, and we’ve never gotten a comment about our age (yet). I think this may be because we live in that oh-so-bubble-like subculture called Private Christian University where everyone is expected to be paired off before they graduate. We both abhor ridiculous expectations but just found eachother too irresistable– even if it means we have to be pro-establishment just this once
I’m 37, C is 26…
My parents were married when my mom was 18 and my dad was 24. They are still together, but I think getting life in order and waiting for Mr. Doctorgirl was the right choice for me.
I don’t regret holding out for everything I was looking for, even for a second!
I suspect you’ve probably read enough comments by now but I really wanted to jump on the band wagon (what can I say, everyone else made it look like so much fun). This issue bugs me to the point that whenever I’m given an opportunity to avoid giving someone my age, I do. Or I round up. My fiancé will be 25 and I will be 24 when we are married and that is after a two year engagement. I believe that we just got to a certain place in our lives sooner than other people may have and that is why we are choosing to get married now. One of my sisters is nine years older than me but I still don’t think she’s at a place in her life where she should be getting married as she change her personality with every guy she dates and tends to act very needy when she’s in a relationship (no I would never say this to her.) I think it’s weird that some people find it more acceptable for someone a little older to date someone for a shorter period of time and then get married then for a couple who’s on the younger side who have been dating for a while to get married. While I have no doubt that my fiancée and I will change more as the years go on, our experiences so far (we’ve been friends for 14 years and dating for 3) have only made us closer. At some point, I think you have to accept that you are comfortable enough with who you are, and who he is, that you guys can change together and have faith that it won’t drive you apart. The people I’ve actual gotten the more crash comments about our age from, have been my friends. Interestingly though, it seems to be my single friends who really take an issue to it. The people I know who are in solid relationship tend to express a stronger sense of true enthusiasm for us. I have tried to limit my comments backs only because I think it is hard for people who aren’t in the midst of such happiness themselves to really understand how two people could be so comfortable committing to a life so different from their own.
(Oh and I should say, lest someone think it… I’m no cougar. The age gap just happened, and I spent three years of him asking me out before I finally gave in.)
I get this from mostly from people who are older than me and single. FI and I have been great friends since middle school but didn’t start dating until we were 22 and we both had love lives before that. I’ll be 25 on the big day (literally, on-that-day).
I just say to myself that “everyone’s jealous I found him so early!”
Haha, one more!
I’m 23 and the FH is 22. We’ll be 24 and 23 on the big day. As most others, I get the “Why waste your youth on marriage??” including the waitress at a restaurant on our first anniversary. (%$*#!!!)
Funny though, because most of the people I get it from are people who married young and had it end in divorce. I just want to look at them (including my mother!!!) and say, “Just cause you did it wrong doesn’t mean we will!”
And just like “bride2010″ above me, it’s those in solid relationships that tend to root for us the loudest (also, strangely enough, those who got married young and are still o-so in love, 5, 10 and 25 years later.)
It’s taken me a while to not let it get to me, but rest in the truth of your relationship, and don’t let the haters get to you!
I’m 30 and my FH is 35 (turning 36 in a week) we live in Los Angeles where most people our age aren’t married yet. I think because of where we live and life here in LA it’s easy to wait until your 40’s to tie the knot. Almost none of our friend shave kids either. But I also agree with you Miss Pinot about each person being different. Some people are more mature at 24 hence ready for marriage. Don’t let anyone ever tell you different. You know when you’ve found the one and only YOU know when you’re ready!
Divorce rates are proving MANY young and old brides wrong…only time will tell.
I think everyone here agrees that people out there who are judgmental about this are WAY out of line. The best I can do is offer my personal experience: if I had gotten married at a younger age to my steady boyfriend of many many years I would not be marrying the man I am madly in love with and marrying soon. Or if I was, I would be a divorcee. On the counter side, if he had married the woman he lived with for a number of years when he was younger, he most certainly wouldn’t be marrying me. Both of us talked about marriage with our previous partners but it just never happened - I know for me it was because I was ready when he wasn’t and then when he was ready I wasn’t. Neither of us are terribly old (I’m 27, he’s 29) but we were dating those individuals through perfectly acceptable “marrying ages” as well. I just figure fate made sure things panned out this way for us. And boy am I thankful!
Wow there are a lot of comments! I’m right there with you Pinot. Being 23 I get the same thing. But Mr. E and I have been together for over 6 years, so I just let it roll on off… kinda
Trust me, I’ve heard it all!
My answers are that I found the right person and there’s no true and right age for everyone. Each person has different situations and make their own personal decisions.
Dang PN, this is definitely a hot topic. I’m 23, and guess what, I’m one of those girls from Utah considered OLD! In fact, on my mothers side of the family, every single one of my cousins (and one Aunt!) have been married at or before 19. Mr. Av sometimes feels really old, but even the median age for mormons is going up a bit, although we generally do get married a lot quicker.
I’m happy with who I found, and the stage we are at right now. We know we are right for each other and so we don’t need to wait. I’m just happy to stop dealing with comments from people in my church asking me “when are you going to get married already!”
I got married when i was 32 BUT, it was because the right partner hadn’t come along until then. Isn’t that the real criteria? And of course, many older folks aren’t ready to be married if they still don’t have they’re feet on the ground enough to make the required compromises and sacrifices for their beloved.
@Sandra:
a lot of people in America believe in divorce more than marriage. but not all young marriages end in divorce. I know X-amount of couples that got married under 25, and they’re all still together (happily with babies or kids-though i know all these people through church–presbyterian if that makes a difference). some people just don’t have the right foundation. and about the whole “people change and finding yourself bit” hopefully young couples will be able to communicate and change, together, instead of apart.
i’m also a firm believer in, “if you know, you know” and “everybody has different ages that are right for them”. some people wish they knew, and they were wrong.
as a person who got married at a young age, i don’t look down on people that get married later in life. i hope this doesn’t sound spiteful.
I will be 23 on the wedding day and FI will be 35. I love him, I don’t care about his age (although some other people seem to care), and we are happy!
I will be 24 when I marry my FH who will be 30. We were 23 and 29 when we got engaged. I get the ‘you’re too young’ thing a lot but what REALLY bugs me is when people question why I want to get married in the first place! “Why do you want to get married? You have your whole lives to get married! In this day and age you don’t HAVE to get married blah blah blah blah…” I don’t need a ‘good excuse’ to marry my love, I also don’t need to live up to other people’s age requirement. When I get questioned I just smile and ignore. It’s my business not theirs!
My fiance is 23 and I am 27 and we’re getting married in a month. Everyone who knows us is happy for us and thinks this is the right time. Initially, his mother was nervous that he was so young and in such a serious relationship. We’ve been dating for 9 years (8 of them long distance) and engaged for 2.
I have always wanted to be young bride. I live in the northeast and all my friends hear me talk about marriage and its like I have three heads and four eyes!!!
My parents where 19 (dad) and 23 (mom) when they got married and 21(dad) and 25(mom) when I was born. They are the only advice that I listen to because they have an amazing marriage where they have thir ups and downs.
When I get married I will be 24 and my FH will be 25 getting ready to be 26!! We got engage at myself 22 and FH 23
Yep, happens all the time. My FH had just turned 23 when he popped the question. I was 22.
We get the, why don’t you just wait, enjoy dating life.
To which I respond… we’ve been dating for 6 years, we have enjoyed it to the fullest.
When we get married next year he will be 24 and I will be a month shy of 24.
I don’t think it’s too young, I’m happy, I’m in love.
The next time someone comments I am definitely going to punch them in the face and yell TUNA FISH.
I was marred at the tender age of 21, and my DH is only a day older than me so he too was married at the age of 21. And the only explanation I think I can give is that every situation is different, if all the situations were the same then what kind of boring world would be live in? I wouldn’t change getting married at 21 at all, and if in 15 years from now it didn’t work out I’ll look back and hopefully be thankful for it occuring since I would be a completely different person if it had not.
I was hassled too, and it was only strangers that did not know me, if you had asked any of my friends or family if they thought we were too young to get married they would respond with they wouldn’t have seen it any other way. Also, my response to the strangers that judged and said don’t you want to experience life, I would just respond with I will and imagine how much better an experience it will be with my best friend by my side.
I agree that maturity is what counts, not age. Everyone is going through a constant metamorphosis. We change from one day to the next, so the fact that we are going to change should not hinder our desire or plans to marry someone we love. I think a lot of younger couples who fail just don’t work hard enough on the relationship. It’s easy to think about yourself, but walking down the aisle means that you’re living your life together and you need to work together to stay a strong couple. As long as you are willing to truly share your lives with one another and treat each other’s needs with the same weight as your own you guys will last forever!
I will be 27.6 and fiance will have just turned 28… According to the info you posted, we’re right around our area’s average age (MA with 27.7)
I’m with you Miss PN! Pretty much EVERYONE keeps telling us to wait to get married, etc. because we’re too young and we don’t know anything about each other, but you know what? They’re all wrong. They don’t know US. WE KNOW “US”!
It’s always very frustrating and very disheartening to hear so many people side AGAINST our marriage, but at the end of the day, if you two know that now is the time for you to be married, then go with it. We all love you both!
Fiance and I are actually switched on the 2006 census; I’m 27 and FI is 25. As callalillies already said, I’m slowly closing in on 30, so I don’t get asked/told that I’m too young. Actually, I get asked, “when are you having kids?!” People totally skip the marriage and go straight to baby making. LoL.
We are both 23, but we are both young looking - people guess him to be under 21 and they guess me to be between 16 and 18! So, needless to say, when we refer to people as “fiance”, they question our ages and our motives! It is like, “no, I’m not pregnant…yes, I am old enough to know what love is…no, we do not plan to get divorced…yes, our parents are ok with it…no, we don’t want to wait until we are older!” I think that people want us to wait until we are older so that we break up before we would really get married. I agree, though, that it is always strangers that make comments! The people who know us do not think it is anything strange…if anything, those we know us are surprised we aren’t already married!
I should also note that I’m in the military and work with mostly guys. So they usually give the comments of “why get married”, “don’t get marrried”, etc. LoL. Men. ::shakeshead::
I think you really just have to have a good sense of who you are, who your fiance is, and the wisdom, love, commitment and flexibility to go with the ever changing tides that marriage brings along. Then, you have to meet someone else who has that same commitment to you and you both have to be ‘ready’ at the same time in the same place. If all of that timing comes together whether that be at age 18 or 67, then that is the appropriate age for you to get married.
I’ve had a mix response.
I’m 23 now and will be 24 when FI and I tie the knot. But when I was just shy of 23, I was asked how it could be possible that I was that age and not married. This was before the thought of marrying my FI had even became a real idea.
However, I think I am the youngest in my generation in my family to get married, and I think that worries some of my relatives. My cousins seem to be getting married between 27-29. The next person to get married, three months after me next year, will be my cousin who will be 26.
Some strangers ask why I want to get married so young, but I just shrug it off, like you said. My FI and I have known each other for 12 years and were each other’s first love. We were able to grow up and apart through college where we “sowed our oats” as his mother puts it, but we made our way back to each other again. It’s meant to be. And I don’t care what anyone says about our ages. I would have married him 12 years ago if it were legal
The comments thus far have all been fascinating to read and have made me feel like a complete old fogey As a WB reader is not even engaged yet and staring down 31 in less than 8 weeks, I am really glad that everyone is so confident in their choices and they should be! I spent most of my 20’s without so much as a boyfriend (not by choice). Also according to the NY Times, I am a part of a demographic that supposedly has a 30% marriage rate, so that does not make me feel all that great either. I do live in NYC and most of my friends are in their late 20’s early 30’s and either quite single or in long term dating relationships.
Younger engaged/married ladies as much as people tell you that you are too young, there are also many pressures for those of us who are older as well, be they family pressure, social pressure or even biological. I have been lucky NOT to have any of those and also to be happy to be in relationship currently with someone who I believe I will marry (hopefully next year!). I think the moral in this is to feel that as women we have so many choices and different life circumstances and to try to no judge other for theirs whatever they may be.
I’m so glad I’m not alone on this one. Just like you, I was 23 when I got engaged. I’m 24 now and getting married in a month (8/23) I got all kinds of comments like that when I first got engaged (especially when I look younger than my age), FI never got any since he looks more mature than his age (he’s currently 27). You just have to ignore them and laugh it off because no one knows what’s best for you except yourself. I’m the first out of all my friends to get married, also the first in my family (even before some cousins who are way older). I consider myself very fortunate to have found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with at this age. Miss PN, age is just a number, don’t let other people’s comment bother you. Most of the time they are just jealous that they don’t have what you have.
I can totally relate. I was 21 when we got engaged and will be 23 when we get married (alex will be 26). Not only do we get crap about marrying young, but also for marrying so soon. We’ve been together 2 and a half years. But like everyone else on here said, why wait when it already feels right? We’ve done everything together and gotten to know each other so well in the time that we’ve been together so we’re definitely sure about this. What difference would it have made to wait when we’re pretty much common law already?
The most important thing is that our family and closest friends are supportive of our decision. They know us well enough to know that this path is right for us. Besides, my parents have been together almost 30 years and still going strong. They met at 20 years old and were hitched at 23. Guess I’m also following tradition too hehe.
I can relate even though I’m a complete hag by the national standard! I’m 28 and FI is 29. We’re the first of our circles of friends to get married, and we’ve gotten tons of comments about how we’re too young.
We’re in DC and the majority of our friends work in politics or law - both fields that are not conducive to family life. I always swore I’d never think about marriage until at least 33 (about the average among people I know here), because I didn’t want to limit my career potential by having to include someone else’s wishes in my decisions.
I’m 22, marrying at 23, engaged to a 21-year-old, marrying at 22. My favorite “You’re too young” comment came from a woman with a daughter 2 years younger than I am. Her daughter has 2-year-old child. So, her daughter had a baby at 18, but I, at 22, am too young to get married. Go figure. Marriage is a joyous occasion, regardless of age. I have celebrated with all of my friends and family members as they have gotten married, whether at 18 or 48.
It’s a fine line between “you’re too young” and “why aren’t you married yet?”
I’m 30 and will be getting married when I’m 31 (almost 32). My FH and I have been together for a while, and the “why haven’t you two gotten married yet…don’t you want to get on with having kids?” comments have been coming far too often!
I refuse to call myself an old hag, a cougar or an old fart! I am 31 and my FI is 29. That is completely normal to me, as I am one of the first of my friends to get married. I’ll be 32 when we jump the broom and I don’t feel old at all. Actually, when I look at my FI’s friends who have all got married and have kids (he is from the midwest, I’m from the northeast) I think they seem much older then we do!! They all have suburban homes and SUV’s or minivans. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it is just not me. I’m always like this is so weird, they are younger then me but they feel so much older. The only friend I have who was married at 23 is now divorced and in a fantastic new relationship at the age of 28.
It is a very regional thing. We live in a city and want to continue to live in a city, even after having kids. Career and travel has come first for us. It sometimes seems selfish, but I have no qualms or regrets. I laugh at the boyfriend I wanted to marry at 22. Thank god that did not happen. I was an utter mess. I still feel like I’m only 90% “grown up” enough for this marriage thing. Hopefully by 32 I’ll have it together
Enough about me, Just do you and don’t worry about what other people say.
I just celebrated my 21st birthday and 1st anniversary last week. I was engaged at 19 and married a few days after I turned 20. (My husband was 24.) We’re both from the midwest and religious families, so we didn’t really get any comments from our family or friends. (Actually, his sisters and a close friend were all married at 18 or 19, so everyone had kind of gotten used to the idea already.) I do get some comments from random people. We just bought a house and our closing agent saw my ID and was like “I can’t believe you’re buying a house at this age, much less that you are married.” But I don’t care about the opinions of people who don’t even know me or my situation…it’s none of their business. I met my husband when I was 11 years old and we’d seen each other nearly every day since then, so we had already had years of each other growing and changing and learning to be flexible and stick it out through the tough times. I didn’t see any need to wait, as we had 10 years of knowing each other behind us. Plus we loved one another and knew that we were meant to be together forever…I think if you have that mutual commitment, no matter how old you are, then you will stick by one another come what may…
this is so great! I love how you said ‘wiser’ instead of older. I am 24 and will be married when I am 25. I have already seen many of my friends get married at ages younger than I am now, but that is common in the south. I just knew I wanted to wait until I was out of college to get married, and I’ll have been out for 2 years when we tie the knot!
I think a lot of the comments come from the fact that if you are under 25 when you get married you are more likely to get divorced than if you are 25 or older when you get married (Gottman, 1994). This is a fact. But does that mean if you are under 25 you shouldn’t get married? No. There are also lots of other facts. You are less likely to get divorced if: you both have finished your BA, make a combined income of 75k, are religious, aren’t preggers, have never-divorced parents… People always assume that the 50% divorce rate means they have a 50% chance of getting divorce - these people weren’t forced to take oogles of stats classes. There are LOTS and LOTS of variables that factor into whether a marriage is 1.) happy and 2.) long-lasting. And age, age is JUST ONE of the many variables - but it is one of the most visible and it is one of most socially appropriate to comment on. (Age can be a proxy and get tied into variables of career and income). I can’t imagine a mechanic questioning someones decision to get married because her parents were divorced… but yet, the same comment can be made with age.
Finally, I wish a “happy marriage” rather than “not getting divorced” was the goal for more people.
people change a lot in their 20s and 30s, probably much more so than ever before, since there are so many opportunities to change jobs, live in different places, etc.
i was in love twice before my fiance, and i might have married either of the other guys. we were *that* in love.
i’m so glad i waited and had a chance to grow up and develop as an independent person before deciding to commit myself to someone else. that has nothing to do with “playing the field.”
if you’ve ever fallen in love only to have the relationship not work out, you realize that the idea that there’s “the one” out there is a crock. and once you realize that, it’s easier to understand why some people think it’s probably better to wait till you’re older to get married.
@Miss Pomegranate: Sorry, the correct response is CHERRY PIE SMMMMAAAAASSSSHHHH.
I’m 20, FH is 21. If our date works out, we’ll be 21 & 22 when we get married. I have been so extremely grateful that no one really (except for my own father) has given me any grief about how young we are. Most of our mutual friends have been so supportive and just last night, two of them told me they were jealous of our relationship. Bottom line is different strokes for different folks. As long as the two people engaged are happy, what else matters?
I get that I’m too young a lot.. I’m 22 and recently got engaged. I look even younger than I am, too. When I got engaged, people where I work told me that I was too young. One of the people I share an office with, who I would say is in his mid to late fifties, was more vocal than some on the issue on several occasions. Most embarrasingly, he brought it up during an informal meeting we had with two other people that I hadn’t even met before! It was awful. They talked about how young I was, and how since it was over a year away, it probably wouldn’t happen anyway. I work in a male-dominated industry, but I was suprised at what they were daying while I was actually standing there with them!
@rebecca:
It’s SO. TRUE. of COURSE you’re going to change! You change all of your life! It’s a growing process and we’re dynamic creatures! The very essence of being married is sticking with a person for a lifetime. This means through all the changes aging brings, and all the adversities and differences life gives you. This is a subject I’m very passionate about, as I’ll be 21 and he’ll be 22 when we’re married. There are very few things that are certain in life, and when you’re with someone who is certain to be with you forever, why delay it? I know I won’t be the exactly the same now as I will be ten, twenty, even fifty years from now. No one will be! But no one does so much of an about-face that makes them a different person than they were when they were first married. Everyone grows up, it’s life. I’m still me, just like I was when I was ten. Being as young as I am, I consider myself EXTREMELY blessed to have found the love of my life as young as I am. I don’t look at it as a problem, I look at it as the hugest blessing in my life, and luckily those around me have felt the same way.
@Amber:
You’ve so much more eloquently said the very thing I tell people all the time! Congrats on having such a wonderful marriage! It warms me to hear things like that.
I think people are more likely to comment on young people getting married because people do go through a LOT of changes during their 20s. I believe I’ve had about 11 different lives since I was 24- over 16 lives if you count back to when I was 21. My goodness, I’ve changed a lot. I never would have predicted that.
The tricky thing with age and experience is that you can’t know until you’ve gone through it. Young people think old people don’t know anything and old people try to explain their experience. Which is impossible. So it’s tough to see a younger person making the same decisions you’ve made that didn’t work out for you and not say anything. Because they ALWAYS say “you don’t know me”. True, but if you only knew what I knew…
I got married when I was 24. It was a bad decision for me. We got divorced a couple of years later. I got married again when I was 33. I know a lot more now, about myself and the world. But still, I only know 33 years worth.
Of course people don’t really understand you and can’t know all that you’ve been through, but you (if you’re young) also can’t know what older people are talking about when they comment on your age. As my dad would lecture to me “Jen, I’ve been 16, but you’ve never been 52″. Can’t argue with that.
The paradox is that you won’t know until you get there. It may turn out that you’re right, and you may be wrong. But you’ll just have to find out. You don’t know yet. I promise you don’t know. I promise. You may feel wise and older than your years, but I was too- I’ve had a rough life, and I was sure I knew myself by 22, but I didn’t know. I am pretty sure I know now, but I don’t really.
I think the best thing you can do when people are rude enough to comment on it is to thank them for their concern. “You’re too young!” “Thank you for your concern”. See, it’s nice and also makes the point that they should mind their own business.
Good luck, to all of you. Me too. We’re all fools
Definitely have heard this. I am 21 and FI is 22. When we get married I will be 22 and he will be 23. Most of my friends aren’t even seriously dating, so commonly I hear, “but you’re so young..” I agree with you 100%. What am I supposed to do, just go look for someone else for no reason? He is who I want to be with. He has a college degree and a job that could support us both. I will have my degree and either be entering law school or finding a job. What’s the issue? We know each other and have been together. We’re willing to do whatever it takes to continue growing together and keep the relationship alive. I don’t see any issue with us marrying.
Great post. I am 24 (which is very young to get married where I live in UK) and my fiancé is 29 (which is about average, but young amongst our group of friends). I get “child bride” jibes all the time, but we’ve bee together 6 years and we’re not splitting up so why not get married now?!
I’m 24 and my FH is 31. I’ll be 25 and will have
been/lived together 5 years by the time we’re married. I really dont think mid twenties is too young to get married. my mother was married twice before the age of 25. It has more to do with maturity and life stage than age I think. Everyone tends to think I’m 27-28 anyway so I havent gotten any comments about being too young.
there are sooo many comments here and i have no time to read them all (at work) but i wanted to chime in in response to someone way, way up there that spoke of her marriage ending and now she is in her late 30s, ect……
she stated that she and her husband had “grown apart”…..i understand this happens for so many couples. but the key thing when you marry younger, i believe, is growing “together”. you made a commitment to be together for life, so why on earth would you allow yourselves to grow “apart” ?
marriage is day by day work and effort. for those who do not tend and nurture their marriages this can happen, but if you are committed to the work involved, you can enjoy long happy lifes together whether your 18 or 40.
for the record: i’m 26 and my FI is 30. i’ll be weeks away from my 27th bday on our wedding day this November. we’ll have been together 5.5 yrs by that time.
I can’t imagine making it offical and getting married until after you’ve been together and maybe even lived together for several years–That’s just me. In general, though I can’t imagine getting married before about the age of 27 or 28. There is too much to learn about yourself and living before deciding to get married and have a family (and I have always seen getting married as pretty much the start of having a family). But, then again, I have lived with my FI for quite a while and am in my early 30s. I live on the East coast…I have some married friends and most don’t have kids. Some of it is geographical and cultural–I have friends in the South & Midwest who think it’s terrible to get married later and to have babies later–In fact have one friend who made some mean comments about her aunt who was 40 and pregnant. Who knows–To each, his or her own. Attitudes have a lot to do with cultural and geographic location. If you found yourself in the Midwest, you’d be considered an “old maid” if not married by 25. It’s crazy. Good luck to you and your FI!
I feel like I’ve got to chime in here, since I definitely got a downright hurtful comment when I got married at 24 two years ago. At work one day a few months before my wedding, I was commenting that one of our clients was divorcing at 22 and how bad I felt for her. A coworker said to me, “Well if you don’t want to get divorced yourself you shouldn’t be getting married.” I cried and cried and cried. As a child of divorced parents I had done a lot of thinking and had a lot of therapy on what marriage meant, and it hurt to have someone say something like that. Now I know she was just projecting her own experience on me, but it was very difficult hearing someone say that at the time. Besides that comment, we’ve only had two comments from others, and they were relatively minor.
Two years later we still get “Oh your married? But you’re so young!” Our response is “Yeah, but we’re very happy.” We felt no pressure to get married; we’d been living together for 2 years at that point and could have easily continued on with that arrangement. I’m so glad we got married, though. Our relationship has deepened and only gotten better in the last two years. Being married truly is a different experience than just living together and I don’t regret anything.
I don’t pretend to think that we won’t change (and that we haven’t already). I’ve seen my two parents change a lot in the last 26 years. There will be difficult times, but I’m ready to work through them and find a way to adapt and grow together during those challenges.
Mostly, I wish people would realize that they don’t know what a young couple is going through or what they’ve talked about, and therefore it’s not really any of their business. If a couple asks for your advice, then you can give it, but otherwise it’s not your place. People have to follow their own paths and yes, even get hurt sometimes. The trick is getting back up a stronger and wiser person.
Ok, stepping down from soapbox.
I gave up reading all the comments.
I was 21 when we met and he was 28, shy of his 29th birthday.
We dated for 3 years. For 2 and 1/2 years we had people asking us when we were going to get married. Mainly in his family. >.<
I would tell them that I felt too young for it and that I just didn’t feel ready.
Well last year we got married, our main reason was not to be apart (I’m French and visa stuffs are not fun). I’m so happy we got married though.
I do remember some comments of my cousins (older) who though I was young and my answer was: “Why would I look somewhere else for what I already have?”
Yes it might not last forever and so? I’m happy with him now and I don’t regret our choice. I was one week shy of being 24 and he was 31 when we got married.
I think the best way to answer stupid questions is by stupid but humorous answers.
Ideas:
“Well I lie on my age, botox does great things nowadays”.
“I’m only marrying him for his money”
“Oh we’re only doing this to get presents.”
“I’ve always wanted a big party”.
or like someone said
“I’m doing it now so I don’t have wrinkles on my wedding pictures”.
etc…
OUr friends use to say “We’re not sure we love each other enough yet” when people asked why they weren’t married yet after dating 7 years. It usually shut ups people.
I wish I still got the “You’re so young” comments. I told a lady at the salon I was getting married. She asked me how old I was. When I told her I was 33, she said very solemnly, “Yes, it’s time.”
@ belladuke97
Your comment’s only funny because I completely feel you. See my previous comment, I think it was #52 or 53.
@Shasha
Just read your comment. We must know the same people. LOL! I can’t believe how bold they are to say things like that, too.
People also comment on the size of my e-ring too. Most of my friends have a half-carat or quarter-carat because they were younger when they got engaged and that’s all they could afford. Because FI and I are older and more “established”, I got a full carat. I’m also sentimental and want to keep my orginal e-ring, so we aren’t planning any upgrades.
I’m 31 and my boyfriend of 9 years(oh yeah you read that right..NINE YEARS.) is 37 we aren’t even engaged but people now assume that because we’ve been together so long that we might not. All of my friends here in Toronto got married over the age of 30 though. I only have 3 friends who were married young(at 24, 25 and 21) they aren’t any more though and I doubt that has any thing to do with the age they married at it just sometimes happens.
I think “too young” depends on the actual maturity level of the individual. I’ve met some incredibly mature 19 years olds and some really immature 33 year olds!
To end my ramble I personally think that asking someone that is incredibly rude and that each person knows when they are ready to tie the knot!
I personally like Miss Cherry Pie’s answer and will use the TUNA FISH method next time someone asks me when I’m having kids!(cos I’m over 30 which is basically retired!)
It’s pretty much impossible to make a comment or ask a question about major life decisions like getting married or having children that isn’t completely tactless. And, given how widely people’s development varies, age is a ridiculous barometer. If I ever questioned something like that, it would have to be on the basis of deep personal knowledge of the individuals involved… But I think it’s better for everyone to just keep their mouths shut!
I’m always fascinated by the suggestion that people who get married early are “wasting” something, though. I mean, I’d never encourage anyone to get married just for the sake of getting married. But if I’ve found that special someone, and if we’re sure, it seems as if the time we delay is the time that’s being wasted. By your mid twenties, you’ve already lived a third of your life apart from that person. Every year that goes by is a year you don’t spend together with that person, together as a single unit that is more than its two parts. That’s the time that feels wasted to me.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying that anyone ought to hurry up and get married for that reason. It’s a fundamentally personal decision, and, as I say, no one else can know when it’s right. It’s just that the idea that marrying in your early twenties equals time wasted feels really counter-intuitive to me. When said by people of roughly your age, it sounds like a comment about themselves more than you; when said by older people, it sounds like personal disappointment through rose-tinged glasses.
@ belladuke97
Well since I’m minutes away from 34, I’m older you add to that, that this is not his first trip down the isle explains the whopping 3 carats I scored. LoL.
I’m telling ya…good things come to those who wait.
I’m 22, and get the spiel ALL the time, esp. from my own family. I figure some people who tell me I’m too young regret their own decisions.
My question to those who question me: Don’t you wish you had met/married your spouse earlier?? The more time with them the better! At least that’s my attitude.
Whew, you touched off a hot topic! I’ll be 22 for a month by the time we get married, and he’ll be 23, and I get the “too young” comment all the time. It really annoys me.
I’m well aware of what I’m getting into, I know marriage isn’t a cake walk, and I know that we’re going to change. I met my FI at the beginning of college and since we started dating we’ve changed and grown together, I couldn’t imagine not continuing that growth.
We’ll both be out of college and ready to start a new stage of life. FI will be heading to Grad school, and I’ll be looking for a career. What point is there to waiting, why not go through that change together?
And my final thing (well, major thing, I could keep going with little things) is that I don’t want to be an old parent. I know your reserves of energy decrease as you get older (heck, I’m only 21 and I already feel it!) and I don’t want to rob my future kids of a fun, mostly energetic mother. I also want to be around to see my grandkids grow up.
Plus, by the time we’re married, we’ll have been dating over 3 1/2 years, engaged and living together for 2 of those. I’m not sure what other benefit we could gain by waiting.
Ok, done ranting! <3
d’oh, I got linked to the blog previous to this and just did my normal cycle forward until you get to the beginning of the blogs without thinking. Now I feel silly for commenting on a several month old topic!
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Mrs. Pinot Noir, New York/Napa Valley
Age and Occupation: 24, Health Educator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Market Researcher
Engagement Date: November 10, 2007
Wedding Date: October, 2008
Blogging Since: June 25, 2008
Venue: Auberge du Soleil
About Me: I am a Minnesota raised, NYC transplant planning a destination wedding in Napa. I'm balancing my love for the environment and my hubby-to-be's love for tradition to create our "green wedding in disguise." Our wedding will include local food and wine, antique touches and lots of love and laughter. When wedding planning isn't taking up my free time (and money) I love to read, cook, workout, watch baseball and travel! Follow along in my adventure as I attempt to plan an eco-friendly and socially responsible wedding (with eco-oblivious Mr. Pinot Noir).
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