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Mrs. Pinot Noir, New York/Napa Valley Age and Occupation: 24, Health Educator Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Market Researcher Engagement Date: November 10, 2007 Wedding Date: October, 2008 Blogging Since: June 25, 2008 Venue: Auberge du Soleil About Me: I am a Minnesota raised, NYC transplant planning a destination wedding in Napa. I'm balancing my love for the environment and my hubby-to-be's love for tradition to create our "green wedding in disguise." Our wedding will include local food and wine, antique touches and lots of love and laughter. When wedding planning isn't taking up my free time (and money) I love to read, cook, workout, watch baseball and travel! Follow along in my adventure as I attempt to plan an eco-friendly and socially responsible wedding (with eco-oblivious Mr. Pinot Noir).
About Mrs. Pinot Noir

Too Young?

July 22nd, 2008 @ 6:40 pm by Mrs. Pinot Noir

 Too Young? :  wedding napa valley Geddes 1 geddes_

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According to the 2006 US Census, the average age of first marriage is 27.5 for men and 25.9 for women. Of the 22 current Miss Bloggers, the average age is 25.75, with the youngest at 23 and the wisest at 32.The average age of marriage has continued to rise. The year my parents were married, 1972, the average age of marriage for a guy was 23.2 and the lady was 20.9. This is similar to my parents’ ages when they got married: my mom was a fresh 21 and my dad was 22.

The average age of marriage varies by region too. Newlyweds in the Northeast are older than the national average and brides and grooms in the Midwest, West and South are younger. Idaho has the youngest average female age of 22.5 (followed closely by Utah at 22.7), and Massachusetts and New York have the oldest average age of 27.7.

I can personally attest to the regional age differences. In rural Minnesota, where I grew up, it is quite common to marry in your early 20s. My brother was 23 when he got married, and at the time (I was 15) I didn’t even think to question his age. Today, three out of four of my closest friends in high school are now married, all by the age of 23. Having lived in the Northeast for the last six years, a majority of my friends are not married and I rarely stumble upon someone sub-27 who is hitched.

I was 23 when Mr. PN and I got engaged and will be 24 when we get married (he will be 31 on the big day). I cannot begin to recount the number of people who have asked me the following questions:

“Are you old enough to get married?”

“I couldn’t even imagine getting married when I was 24!

“Why are you getting married so young?”

I usually shrug off these questions but sometimes they really get to me. The majority of people making these comments are essentially strangers including doctors, sales clerks, and coworkers. They know very little about me or Mr. PN. They don’t know that we have been together for over four years. They don’t know what we have been through together. They don’t know anything but they still feel the need to pass judgment.

I want to ask these people: “What do you think I should do then? Leave Mr. PN, whom I love and who loves me, just to play the field? Continue dating Mr. PN for another four years until I am old enough to get married?”

So, how old are you? Have you heard similar remarks regarding your age? How do you respond?

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131 Responses to “Too Young?”

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1.
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Member
callalillies (message)  107 posts, Blushing bee

i’m 28 and FH is 29. It’s quite the opposite for me. People used to say.. when are you guys going to get married? better get married before you get old. Apparently, “30″ is the benchmark for females in my culture to be called “old”. Boo for those people!

 
2.
suzanno
Hostess
suzanno (message)  2,683 posts, Sugar bee

Very funny - just smile and tell them that you think you’ll be all right. I am 43, and DH is 50 - we were married a little over a week ago. I have been asked thousands of times (starting in my thirties) “How come you never got married?” And now, of course, everybody says “Well, you know, you’re both still young… when are you thinking about kids?” You’re right - it’s sometimes friends and family, but often people you don’t really know at all. I just smile and say “Well, we don’t want to rush into anything!”

 
3.
happymnbride
Member
happymnbride (message)  29 posts, Newbee

I will too be a young bride when I get married.
I am 21 now…but, will be 22 on the big day.
The only people who have questioned my age are the people who don’t know myself and my fiance. — I usually have the same response as you do when people that don’t know us question us, like:

“I am in love with my fiance and want to spend the rest of my life with my fiance — why would I date anyone else when I know in the end he is “the one”.”

I know it won’t change their opinion but, I feel like I have justified it more and more for myself!

PS. I have also grown up in Minnesota…Yaahhh! :)

 
4.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Candy Corn (message)  616 posts, Busy bee

I’ve heard a great deal of the same thing since Mr. CC and I are both 24 as well. We hear a lot of “you’re young, why would you waste your youth on marriage?!” or people feel like they need to tell us how miserable they are in their marriages and how hard it is (of course it’s hard!) and what we’re up against. I try to ease people’s fears by telling them that we’ve been together for six years and have lived together for five, but it doesn’t make a difference, they are still full of lectures and judgments. We’ve just learned to nod and smile and take everything with a grain of salt since we know we’re happy and that’s all that matters :)

 
5.
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Guest
cindie_rella

wow i get that “why are you getting married so young” question ALL the time. i got engaged at 22 and my fiance is 28. we’ve been together for over 4 yrs now and seriously…what am i supposed to do..just wait until i’m around 25 to get married?

my usual response: when you know …you just know. what’s the point in waiting.

 
6.
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Bee
Miss Cherry Pie (message)  884 posts, Busy bee

I punch them in the face and yell “TUNA FISH!”

It’s an absurd response to an equally absurd inquiry.

Actually, I don’t think I’ve dealt with this question. People generally assume I’m older than I am. Boo for me. :(

 
7.
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kelly

I am 22, FH is 24, and we’ll be 24 and 26 respectively when we get married. We were 20 and 22 when we got engaged. I never doubted the age thing, and my parents were very supportive of our engagement. There was always the understanding among all four of us that there would be no wedding until I was done with law school, so a long engagement it is! Works for us!

 
8.
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Guest
A

I get that ALL the time. What I want to ask them is if YOU had found the love of your life, and dated for years and know you are blessed and happy, would you still wait because perception is that 23 is too young? Heck no! Besides, age can often be just a number–maturity levels don’t necessarily coincide.

 
9.
Mrs. Bee
Bee
Mrs. Bee (message)  3,235 posts, Sugar bee

@Miss Cherry Pie: haha cherry pie that comment cracked me up!!!!

 
10.
caitlanc
Member
caitlanc (message)  2,084 posts, Buzzing bee

I’ll be a few weeks shy of my 27th birthday when we get married, but I’m fully anticipating the “but you’re so young!” unless my face does some serious aging between now and then. (I got carded at a MOVIE THEATER when I was in college by a pimply faced 16 year old. Seriously?!)

 
11.
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Guest
Michelle

When we get married next year, he will be 27 and I will be 25… but I was 24 when he proposed and I said yes.. and 3 days prior to that, I was 23. I think it is such a personalized thing of whether you are indeed old enough, (which in reality is mature enough and that sometimes has nothing to do with age). I know some people, and some friends who are engaged or already married and I really do think they were/are too “young”, but I’ll keep my mouth shut because its really not my business. What I don’t understand is the “we must be married NOW” syndrome. I know two people lately who have gotten engaged after not dating very long and then said and we have to get married now… AND they weren’t even shot gun weddings! I understand the wanting forever to start as soon as possible bit, but I think anyone who can’t see past that to a more logical point of view might be too young.

 
12.
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Member
hwong14 (message)  239 posts, Helper bee

Ha, I’ve gotten the opposite reaction. I’m from the east coast, and have been dating my fiance since I was 20. We lived together with a third roommate for a year, then he and I moved to Louisville, KY so I could start medical school (I was 24 years old and he was 25). At that time, only 1 of my friends had gotten married. I arrived in Louisville and was bombarded with questions about why we weren’t married yet — or “at least” engaged. There were a lot of married young people in my class, which was unusual compared to my friends’ med school classes on the east coast, and it was surprising to me. We were happy living together, and while I might have been ready to get engaged a little earlier than he ended up proposing, I didn’t have a real problem with our timing. I’ll be 28 at the wedding and he will be 29, which seems completely normal to me, but I was SO sick of people insinuating that we were waiting too long or getting too old or things like that! We all just have to learn to not pay attention to other people’s comments, I guess.

 
13.
Mrs. Toucan
Bee
Mrs. Toucan (message)  1,327 posts, Bumble bee

I got that a lot, too, but mostly because both the Mr. and I look younger than we are. We both turned 26 right before our wedding, but both of us could probably pass for a few years younger.

 
14.
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Guest
Sarah

I completely understand! I’m 22 and getting married in 2 weeks. I’ve been dating my fiance for 7 years, so I’ve always gotten questions like that. My standard answer is ” yes well, we’re happy, and in love, so why wait?” I’m considering using Miss Cherry Pie’s response from now on though!! I find most of these comments are from snarky FSIL, or my pretending-not-to-be-but-clearly-is-jealous co-worker.

 
15.
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Guest
Fran

I’m 31 and people have said things like “whew, just in time!” and “well, you sure are cutting it close” - whatever. I personally grew up in NYC and could NEVER EVER imagine getting married under 30, but seriously, to each their own.

 
16.
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Member
McG (message)  117 posts, Blushing bee

Well, I’m a cougar… the FH turned 28 today, and I’ll be 32 in September. No one really said “why so young” which is surprising, cuz I look a helluva lot younger than I am.

They mostly comment on our difference in age.

 
17.
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Guest
StefM

I’m 27, my fiance’ is 27. We’ll both be 27 (he’ll be alllllmost 28) when we marry. I’m really glad I didn’t get married when I was 24 because I didn’t know my FI back then and he’s the only person I want to marry. And that’s about the only reason. I have to say that honestly, if I meet someone who is getting married (or already married) younger than 25, I might think “whoa”…but at the same time, if I was 21 and with my FI, I would have done the same thing. People tend to draw on their own experiences, I think…if they marry at 24, that’s normal. If they were partying it up at 24, that’s “normal”…I’m glad you posted this b/c it will definitely make me think twice about what I think first, if you know what I mean.

 
18.
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Guest
Emily@oncewed

My husband and I began dating 5 years ago when I was 17 and he was 26. Im 22 now and he is 31. We’ve been married for a little over a year and married life is wonderful. Sure, we have rough patches like everyone, but I can’t imagine my life without him. When strangers and random people I know make comments like that I just smile and say I consider myself blessed that I found the love of my life at such a young age. I actually got a comment similar to the one’s above from the mechanic at the tire store this morning. I completely understand where your coming from though….

 
19.
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Guest
blankhead

i’ve been married twice with the first time @ 24 [after knowing him for 3 years]. i can tell you from experience that you WILL change and so will your partner. while i thought i knew who i was and who he was, i didn’t know anything. not a clue. we said all the things that posters are saying, “when ya know, ya know.” and “i just never doubted it.” and “we’re happy and that’s all that matters.” and “he’s the one!”

we were together for 6 years of marriage. at 30 we both decided that we had both grown in different directions than we thought we would and thos directions were apart, not together.

at 24 you can claim to know all about yourself [i did too!], but you’re kidding yourself a bit. i’m 38, have been to years of ‘maintenance’ therapy and i still haven’t got myself figured out [tho i'm pretty close!].

this isn’t a post to say “you’re not old enough!” or “you’re too young!” but i do urge caution.

 
20.
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Member
molliechloe (message)  16 posts, Newbee

I think that everyone is different. I’m a bit older than most of the bees and believe in waiting to get married. I have known at least 3 couples who get married right after college and got divorced. You can be ready to be married in your early twenties, but people do change a lot in their twenties. You just don’t see it while you’re there.

 
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Mrs. Pinot Noir
Mrs. Pinot Noir

Mrs. Pinot Noir, New York/Napa Valley Age and Occupation: 24, Health Educator Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Market Researcher Engagement Date: November 10, 2007 Wedding Date: October, 2008 Blogging Since: June 25, 2008 Venue: Auberge du Soleil About Me: I am a Minnesota raised, NYC transplant planning a destination wedding in Napa. I'm balancing my love for the environment and my hubby-to-be's love for tradition to create our "green wedding in disguise." Our wedding will include local food and wine, antique touches and lots of love and laughter. When wedding planning isn't taking up my free time (and money) I love to read, cook, workout, watch baseball and travel! Follow along in my adventure as I attempt to plan an eco-friendly and socially responsible wedding (with eco-oblivious Mr. Pinot Noir).

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