Wedding Blog
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So, we are t-minus 12-ish weeks until the wedding and quickly approaching bridal shower and bachelorette party time. My wonderfully wacky sister Kristina and bridesmaid Katie are planning the shindig to be hosted at Katie’s house. I have been mostly out of the loop on the plans for the parties, which is a-ok with me. (I have heard whispers about a possible mini-cake decorating contest, cheese, and certainly some line dancing!)
What is driving me nuts is not that I don’t have any say in what is going to happen, but that I can’t help. I feel quite guilty that all this time and expense is going into a party for me. My sister and two bridesmaids will be flying in for the weekend on top of whatever expenses come from the festivities. When in reality cheese and line dancing with a couple friends would be more than enough.
I get the same feeling when someone offers to help make favors or address envelopes or whatever. Can they really want to help or is this a pain in the bum for them and they are just being nice?
How do you get a grip on bridal guilt?
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I’m right with you on every level, Miss P. Im about 12 weeks out too, and i’ve had bridal guilt since this whole things started (we’ve been engaged a year, next week). Everyone is strapped for cash right now, and we decided to do a semi destination wedding (getting married in my hometown, we live elsewhere and his family is elsewhere still) i just feel crappy because its costong everyone so much money. *sigh* so yeah, i understand. I have no genius ideas to fix it but i’m with you
I have those issues too. I had my shower 2 weeks ago and I think the best thing I could of was to be REALLY glad to be there, VERY happy to see everyone, and enjoy it, because it goes by so quickly and it cemented the whole, I getting married thing for me. I can be negative in those situations b/c I think it’s funny (even if it’s not), but for that I wanted people to come away saying, “wow, we spent a lot of time/money/energy on that, but look how much she enjoyed herself. (I didn’t have to pretend either; it is awesome to sit in a room with all those ladies cheering you on.)
Maybe I can help with the guilt: did you ask - or tell - any of the women involved that these parties were an expectation? If you didn’t, and they’re doing it anyway, then don’t feel guilty. As a frequent bridesmaid (and a former bride, myself), I’ve been to showers/b-parties that were everything from low-key fun to nothing but stress… and it’s all been about expectations. I presume that you didn’t order a shower and bachelorette party in your honor, so please presume that the gals just want to show you a good time because they care about you.
And when it comes to helping with favors, etc, some people just love doing crafts and helping with parties.
If someone says they can’t participate in something because they can’t afford it, you could always offer to chip in toward a part of the cost. Even if you end up not paying a dime, that’s a nice gesture.
Finally… cheese and line dancing? Sounds like it’s worth a flight. 
I felt really weird about my shower and bachelorette too. I felt kind of like “geez, I’m just getting married!” I actually protested having anything, but my friends and sisters insisted. I decided that it actually meant more to them - they wanted to do it FOR me. The confused look on their face when I gave them thank you gifts confirmed my suspicion. Maybe I’ll understand when my BFF gets married and I’ll be begging to throw her a party!
i have bridal guilt about eeveerrythiinng. just hoping it will somehow melt away or magically disappear on, or before, the wedding.
It’s completely understandable. To assuage my guilt, I nixed the bach party (we’re doing a low-key couples thing instead) and urged my MOH to have a potluck shower/party to help defray some of the costs.
On the project front, I’m completely astounded at how many offers of help I’ve received. When I started out, I just assumed no one would really want to help make things, but it turns out I know a lot of crafty people who enjoy that sort of thing. So, I provide food and drinks and we make a mini party out of it. 
Think about it this way. If you had a close friend (choose one of those lovely ladies doing something for you right now) and they were getting married - would you not be totally excited to throw them a party/fly to a party for them/surprise them with awesomeness? I bet you would. They feel the same way about you. And someday, you’ll probably be able to return the favor - if not for a wedding, for a birthday or another special event!
I’m roght there with you Ms. P. The wedding is still a year away and I’m already feeling guilty when I think about the showers, bachlorette parties etc. My family is in CT and MY Fi’s family and I are in PA, my MOH is in NC and 3 of my other bridesmaids are in CA, CT & NY. I know I will have at least 2 showers since my CT family will insist, as will my PA friends and future in-laws. My future BIL’s girlfriend is already talking about a bachlorette as is my MOH.
It all seems like a lot of work and expense and so many gifts (not that I don’t like gifts but they always make me feel guilty somehow).
i don’t worry about it At All. i’ve been maid of honor more times than i’d care to recall (definitely more times than i could afford). and i’ve organized out of state events for these girls. i have no guilt about them doing it for me. i know i had a great time doing it when it was my turn and everything i planned/paid for was only because i was excited and really wanted to do it. i would be sad if i don’t get the same in return.
I was MOH for a friend eighteen months ago. While us bridesmaids were more than happy to help with anything, the bride wasn’t great at communicating her expectations or plans to us. We had so many sour moments on and before the big day, all of which could have been avoided.
Now that it’s my turn, I made sure to get things out in the open early with our (large) wedding party. I made personalized BM bags filled with goodies, a note thanking each girl for being my friend, and a sheet detailing what they needed to know about the wedding. The sheet included a list of my minimum expectations for them being BMs (things like buying their own shoes, being available on given days before the wedding, and agreeing to support me in my marriage). Another section included an extensive list of ‘Jobs That Someone Else Can Do’. Each girl has told me which of those tasks she would like to do, and understands that there is no pressure to commit to anything more than the minimum to be an official BM.
The BM bags have been great for blessing my girls and for keepin’ it real between us. I know that whatever they end up doing for me, it’ll be because they want to.
You know what? It works both ways. For my bridal shower my mother and sister asked me about EVERY DETAIL. I felt guilty because it didn’t feel right for me to have any input into a party thrown in my honor. I felt like I was making some of the decisions and I didn’t know if it was more money than they wanted to spend, more elaborate a plan than they wanted to execute, or if I was somehow creating more work by making one choice over another.
That being said - in the end - it will be fabulous either way and you’ll have a great time surrounded by the women you love most in the world! 
Put yourself in their shoes. You would love to plan something like that for them, wouldn’t you? I’m sure they’re happy to do it. The best thing you can do is relax and enjoy it
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Mrs. Pineapple, Pittsburgh
Age and Occupation: 24, Graphic Designer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Student Affairs Administration
Engagement Date: August 4, 2007
Wedding Date: October, 2008
Blogging Since: April 14, 2008
Venue: The Rivers Club
About Me: Being a transplant from sunny south Florida I am learning to live with all four seasons while playing with our cat collective, line dancing, and doing a ton of DIY projects for our wedding (seriously, like a thousand)!
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