Wedding Blog
When we first got engaged, I daydreamed about Mr. Cupcake and I seeing each other for the first time during my walk down the aisle. So traditional, so picture perfect…
So not a good idea for two major criers like ourselves.
I have admitted before that I am a big-time crier, so I know that I am going to cry on our wedding day. If you were to bet against me shedding tears on our wedding day, you’d lose. It is a done deal. I will cry. Probably more than once.
I know that Mr. Cupcake is also in touch with his emotions, and although he doesn’t cry nearly as much as I do, he still tears up when he talks about Maggie, his golden retriever who died of cancer seven years ago, or when a good sob story is being told on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (he’ll kill me for that one, but it’s true!). And when he sees me cry, his eyes get a little glossy and he says “please don’t cry, please don’t cry” because eventually it becomes contagious.
The more I thought about seeing each other for the first time during my long walk down the aisle, the more anxious I started to feel, and the more I questioned my desire to wait to see each other.
What if all the excitement and anxiety that has been building up over the last year and a half leads to an uncontrollable sob fest (which our friends will later call “Sob-fest 2008″)? What if I can’t prevent the “ugly cry”? What if my sobs can be heard over the sound of Trumpet Voluntary playing on the organ? I began to reconsider the idea of seeing each other before the ceremony in order to calm our nerves and to steal away a little alone time before the festivities, but the traditional side of me was still conflicted.
And then, I got the greatest email ever from my DOC, Jenn Poletti of Perfect Planners, responding to my inquiry about what she thought would be best:
My below long story is in NO way me trying to sway you, just telling you what happened to me!
I will tell you that I did not see Dan before the ceremony. I had it in my head that I wanted the first time seeing each other to be while I was walking down the aisle, and it would be so much more special, etc. Looking back, I wish we had seen each other beforehand. The first meeting would have been just as special (in my opinion). But, at the time, there was NO talking me out of it. My mom tried, Dan tried, and my step mom tried. I was such a calm bride the entire planning process, the morning of the wedding, etc. I’m not typically a crier. Well, when those church doors swung open, all of a sudden, I was so overwhelmed with emotions, I started bawling. Not crying, BAWLING. Think Niagara Falls. And, no, I’m not kidding. I don’t know what happened! People probably thought my dad was dragging me down the aisle and forcing me to get married! I was crying so hard, that I could NOT see going down the aisle. As soon as I got up to Dan, the first thing out of his mouth was, “why are you crying like that?!” Not the “you look absolutely stunning” that I was expecting! Ha! Now, I’m not saying this will happen to you at ALL. However, looking back, I think if I would have seen him beforehand, I would have not felt so rushed, emotional, etc., and I could have enjoyed and remembered my walk down the aisle and seeing all of my friends and family smiling at me while I was beaming down the aisle… rather then choking back the waterworks. Ugh! And, I still think walking down the aisle would have been just as special.
When I thought about myself and how I react under pressure, I realized that seeing each other before walking down the aisle would definitely be a good thing for us, and Mr. Cupcake was relieved. He had been pushing for this all along, but I, too, had been adamant about waiting, just like Jenn. After hearing her story, it was decided once and for all. (And I’m not saying I won’t cry at all now… but maybe I’ll be a little more relaxed and they will be pretty, happy tears!)
When we mentioned seeing each other before the ceremony to our Pastor, he liked the idea; he suggested that maybe we could see each other earlier in the day, for a quiet breakfast together before we are in our fancy duds, perhaps, so that we feel more relaxed. This would allow us to still have that element of surprise when walking down the aisle, but also leave us feeling more at ease about the exciting day ahead. I am still undecided if I want to do this or if we should wait until we’re all fancied & prettied up.
What are your feelings on seeing each other before your walk down the aisle? For anyone who has done this, did you see each other earlier in the day, pre-fancy clothes, or did you wait until you were primped and ready to go?
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Share this post: The Big Reveal
We are seeing each other beforehand, to calm the nerves and to get some good pics because the sun will be completely down by the time our ceremony is over! I’m especially glad that we chose this now because every wedding function for our wedding I’ve gone to I end up crying - and I’m NOT a crier!
This is an interesting question. I really didn’t want to see Mr. J before the ceremony, but looking back, I kind of wish I had. Walking down the aisle was truly an unforgettable moment, but I wish we could have had our cocktail hour for chatting wtih guests and mingling instead of rushing to finish all our pics. I think seeing each beforehand might have been worth it.
Also, you may surprise yourself about the crying! I’m the biggest crier I know— everything makes me cry and sometimes I just need to cry for no reason 
But on my wedding day, I only cried once and they were soft, gentle tears 
Go figure!
Well our case was a bit special. We didn’t plan for the civil wedding the way we are planning for our family/formal wedding.
We spent the night together, and gosh I have to say waking up with him was just awesome, I barely stressed, just a few minutes on the way to the courthouse.
Of course it’s a different situation, the wedding was no the achievement of months of planning and all, so he saw me in my simple wight dress and all.
But I think that no matter what it helps. You know that he will be there because you see him, you share that one last special moment before you say I do.
And let’s be honest, you are marrying him. He is the one who makes you happied (and if you’re like me, calmer).
I like the idea of your pastor so you can still keep the surprise of the outfit. Not to mention that things can go out of plan and finding the time to meet when you are ready right before the ceremony could be tricky.
We saw each other beforehand, for pictures. It was great for the nerves. I definitely see the value in not seeing your FI before the ceremony…I don’t regret taking pictures before hand, but I definitely think that its really special to be able to see your husband for the first time all dressed up, walking down the aisle!
However, I think what your pastor suggested is a WONDERFUL idea! Perhaps a breakfast alone or something on the day of? Just to talk about your excitement and fear and expectations of the day…I think that is a great idea!
I am a crier myself, and it runs in the family. I have three siblings, and once one of us cries, it’s like a chain reaction. At all of their weddings, one person cried, and the rest would start within 2 seconds. So, when it came time to wondering whether I should wait to see my husband until walking down the aisle, or seeing each other beforehand.. I knew I was going to cry anyways, so I figured why not just wait. (my two sisters were bridesmaids and my brother was the officiant), so it’s like a row of 4 siblings all together, bound to cry.
The walk down the aisle was the best moment in the night for me. The ceremony was not until the evening, and I had waited the entire day to see my husband. I expected that I would be extremely emotional walking down, but I was all smiles. My brother actually started crying at the start of his speech, and my sisters started crying behind me, but for some reason, it was like a moment where I knew I couldn’t cry because I was so happy, and I needed my brother to get through the ceremony!
I think every bride knows what will be best for them. I’m sure that seeing your FI before the ceremony will be very special as well. One pro to seeing each other all fancied up would be for photos, which I think is a reason why a lot of people see each other before the ceremony anyways. Good luck!!
~Emilie
Oh yes, and I only cried once during the ceremony, just like Mrs Jasmine! I’m also a crier. I think the element of surprise definitely diminished, so it was one less less emotion to hold in
I like your Pastor’s idea about breakfast that morning… and actually liked the idea from the beginning way back when Mrs. Ladybug posted about her wedding day: http://www.weddingbee.com/2006/05/04/professional-photos/
Hubby and I waited until I walked down the aisle to see each other (you can see some reaction shots if you go to my blog and scroll down). I didn’t cry at all, not even a little bit.
The thing is, one of my nephews had gone into the hospital a few days earlier for spinal menengitis and he was a very sick little boy at only six months old. I had cried for the entire day after hearing about his diagnosis, and so I think I really just used all of my tears up! (By the way, my nephew was in the PICU for 12 days, but is now completely healthy).
I am really glad I didn’t have to worry about ‘ugly cry’ face!
Becky
I understand where Jenn is coming from….I had the same horrible crying! I couldn’t breathe, I was sobbing and practically hyperventilating. I’d say I cry maybe a few times a year? I could not control it. And I was such a relaxed bride for the last few weeks, and that whole day, and I had taken 2 adivan (not sure how to spell that) . It was when we first looked at each other BEFORE the ceremony. It would have been horrid if we had waited. Especially since he was wearing a mic for the video! That would have sounded great. And still, seeing each other for the ceremony was still emotional and meaningful and everything its supposed to be.
awww miss cupcake! I too am a crier! and boy did I do the ugly cry the first time I saw hubby in my tea ceremony dress and the first time I saw his reaction to my bridal dress.. yeah.. all caught on video and pictures!! i’m sure seeing each other earlier that day will help alleviate that anxiety. good luck!! =D
I got married two weeks ago and we did the reveal beforehand and I have NO REGRETS whatsoever. I’m a crier to and was really concerned. At the rehearsal I was shaky and feeling a little out of control. I’m so glad that we took pictures before hand because it helped everything go smoothly for the rest of the day, picture wise and emotion wise. When it came time to walk down the aisle I had already been in the church a couple hours and felt comfortable in my space, you know? And I was able to STRUT down that aisle nice and proud and still have that private (only parents and wedding party around for the first moment pics) moment to always remember.
I am in a similiar situation, but, unfortunately the choice has been taken from me by my priest. He doesn’t allow pictures after the ceremony and believes that this tradition is routed in pagan history where arranged marriages were common and it was also common to switch the bride before the wedding. Needless to say, I’m not very happy with the situation. The church is beautiful, it is a basilica, and it is amazing. The priest, also, happens to be my uncle… awkward… Our thoughts on the subject are in regards to the photography, which may or may not apply in your situation. We want pictures after the wedding to reflect how happy we are after we are married, not how nervous we are before (Didn’t think about the red face I might have if another Niagra falls happens during the ceremony).
If you do decide to see eachother before the wedding, it is probably easier to do the pictures beforehand. I keep going back and forth. Practical and easy vs. romantic and a little stubborn. I’m leaning toward giving in just to avoid drama. Anyway, when you want your photographs done should also play a part in the decision. Good Luck, let us know what you decide.
we’re definitely planning on seeing each other before. the decision was made when planning the photography (our photog suggested it, but wasn’t pushy in case we wanted to wait). long story short is that it made sense from a schedule perspective and i also think it will be a wonderful and fairly private moment i’m very much looking forward to. when it comes time to walk down the aisle, i’ll be excited enough without the extra kick of seeing mr m for the first time. i’m hoping it will give me a chance to put into play some good bee advice: take a moment at the start of the aisle and drink in all the loving people gathered together to share the day.
I am a crier too. Big time. Listening to Canon In D at the gym made me cry right there on the treadmill. I fully expected to be a huge mess walking up the aisle but I wasn’t. Sure, I nearly broke down right before I walked out but I held it together when I saw the smiling faces of my guests. And when I turned the corner and saw my soon to be smiling back at me, all I could do was smile too. He isn’t a crier so I knew he wouldn’t be crying and I’m sure he was shocked that I wasn’t a mess. Why not?
Well, I watched two weddings earlier in the day at my venue and cried my eyes out. BAWLED. I almost ran into Mr.Michelle in the hallway during pictures and cried. BAWLED. I think I got it all out. Seeing him just made me happy. I felt no need to cry.
That being said, I wish we would have had the chance to see each other prior to the ceremony for the sake of pictures. I don’t think it would have taken anything away from the aisle moment. You are still walking to him getting married and that is special. We didn’t have time to take the pics we wanted to and that bums me out, 2 months later.
We saw each other beforehand - so glad we did! I actually saw him that morning too, I had something he needed, so he came to the hotel to grab it, I was just going to give it to him through the door, but said screw it - seeing him them helped calm my nerves. Then we had our ‘reveal’ before the ceremony and got most of the pics out of the way. It didn’t make walking down the aisle any less special and I still cried the whole time!
We plan on seeing each other b/f the ceremony! I think it will calm my nerves and i want some one on one time with my Fiance b/f the ceremony. I also want to get the pictures done b/f the ceremony with my wedding party so we can all go to the reception right after. My fiance and I will go with our photographer right after the ceremony to capture that energy of just becoming husband and wife!! AHH! I can’t wait!
LOL Jenn’s story sounds just like mine. Right as I started to walk down the aisle, the waterworks came a la Niagra Falls. But, my dad, mom, now husband, cousin, sister-in-law, and mother-in-law were all crying, so I didn’t feel so out of place. I’m glad I didn’t see him before the ceremony for traditions sake. But the pictures after felt very rushed. It would have been nice to not rush the pictures and get more husband and wife pics. I say go for it!
Also, since I was crying so much, all the pictures have me with glossy red eyes. Those would have been nice not to have.
We saw each other beforehand, though there was a “reveal” moment. It was SO good to see him and get those pictures in. Besides, he cried when I walked down the aisle anyway!
Oh, Miss Cupcake, we’re twins! You essentially typed out my story, and my sweet Mr. Pants and I have the same ending - seeing each other beforehand to (hopefully) curb the sob-fest.
I am NOT A CRIER. At all. I’m totally not emotionally. I believe the phrase “cold-hearted bitch” has come up more than one time when describing me.
Let me start by saying that I didn’t cry on my wedding day. I didn’t come close to crying on my wedding day, because I’m not a tears-of-joy crier, I’m an “I’m so hurt/angry/upset, I’m going to strangle you with my bare hands” crier. But, I felt a surge of emotion that almost made my little heart of coal swell on my wedding, and it was while I was waiting to see my almost-husband for the first time in our pre-wedding “reveal”. Since we’re Jewish, we of course saw each other before the ceremony, but when I got the flood of emotion, I was quite glad that it happened before the ceremony when all eyes were on me, and that I could have the moment alone (well, “alone” with my photographers). We waited until we were all set, ready to go, all dressed for the day, and made it a big reveal — I was waiting at the top of a big escalator with my back to him, and my favorite pictures from the big day were the reveal pictures. I hadn’t realized that our bridesmaids and groomsmen had snuck down at the bottom of the escalator to watch, so when he came up and met me and we kissed, they all cheered from the bottom. It was adorable.
If the moment could make this cold heart pitter-patter, imagine what it’s going to do to you!
We didn’t see each other before hand, we both wanted the moment to happen while I was walking down the aisle. For us it was perfect! And we wouldn’t have been good candidates for the “reveal” because we would both be too self conscious having the moment choreographed -its just not us. But I am SO in the minority on this subject on these boards. I say, do what works for you! I think pics after you are actually married should be done no matter what because that elation can’t be beat.
I like your compromise - save the all dudded up moment but see each other in the morning. Nice idea!
We saw each other beforehand. We had a 6 pm wedding and trying to fit in all formal photos between the ceremony and reception just wouldn’t work. So, we saw each other early in the afternoon, just before we were going to start photos. It was such a special moment. He stood on the stage of the church with his back turned towards the door and I came up behind him. It was just the photographer, him and me in the sanctuary (with my bridesmaids watching through the windows ). I love the photos that we have of that moment and will never forget it. We also took that time to exchange gifts and cards. Walking down the aisle and seeing him standing there waiting for me was still special, but I’m glad we saw each before as the walk down the aisle for me was overwhelmed by not only seeing him, but by also seeing all our friends and family gathered to share this special time in our lives.
I also had some crazy notions about waiting until the aisle walk… but then I remembered how much I bawled at my little brother’s wedding (think gigantic gasping sobs and a runny nose that I kept mopping up with my shawl) that I think we’re going your route too.
I think there’s really no right or wrong decision - it’s totally personal. We chose to see each other before the ceremony, and I was glad that we did. Mostly because it was still special - perhaps moreso - to see each other as bride and groom when we could enjoy the moment. Plus the walk down the aisle was, for me, quite a bit about all our guests, and about my father. It was nice to be able to focus on them and their reactions, since I had already seen DH’s reaction. And, as I have said elsewhere, if I had it to do again I wouldn’t take any formal pictures after the ceremony. You have little enough time with your guests anyway. Our biggest regret, we both agree, is how little time we got to talk with everybody. I would give up the boring family-in-a-row portraits in a heartbeat to have that time back to spend with our guests.
I would be ok with seeing him for a reveal ahead of time. But my FH said “nope!” He wants the first time he sees me to be as I am walking down the aisle. I said ok! WE will have a hands around the door moment, but we wont see each other. Anyone other brides flexible on this find out their grooms arent?
i always thought we would wait until the ceremony to see each other for the first time, but when it came to planning the schedule it was just so much easier to see each other first in order to take pictures together and leave pictures after the ceremony for the the big family shots. this worked out great since when we did see each i was totally speechless for a few minutes and was able to stare into my dh’s eyes as my eyes welled up with tears. even after seeing each other before the ceremony, i was still super nervous and almost breathless as i walked down the aisle, because i realized that wow this is really happening. i’m getting married! i don’t think seeing each other before the ceremony lessened any of the emotions and excitement that i felt.
i’m a big fan of seeing each other just before the ceremony all dressed up. while my mom may drop some bricks about it, i’m really going to push for it. just to have that moment together, and the get the photographer to capture pictures of that “private” moment between the two of you… i think it’s such a wonderful thing. for me, it’s definitely the way to go.
It was actually my photographer who suggested seeing each other before the wedding. I had never heard of doing so before. Before guests arrive, the sanctuary will be closed off so that it is just my fiance and I, and the photographer (though I really doubt she will even be noticed). The photos will be fantastic, showing the true emotion. My fiance and I are both privately emotional people. We know we are going to cry, and we’d much rather do it behind closed doors, when we have some time to breathe and regroup before the big organ tones hit.
For this very reason, I am seeing him before. It will also be much more personal and intimate.
Thank you for sharing this story… I’m so glad now that we’ve decided to see one another before the wedding!
I am a mega-cryer (and nervous nelly on top of that!)…to prove this, I was tearing up reading some of these comments LOL
My FH is pretty traditional and wants to wait to see each other until I’m walking down the aisle, but I’m loving some of these ideas about a “last breakfast date” that I’m totally going to tell him about it! I’m thinking that meeting up for a quiet coffee together before we go to get all prettied up will be just perfecto! Just what I’ll need to chill out and relax before the whirlwind!
[...] tissue? Are you sure?” And you can also see him compliment me on my bracelet at one point. I surprisingly held it together really well during my walk down the aisle, but something about hearing that beautiful song combined [...]
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Mrs. Cupcake, Philadelphia
Age and Occupation: 27, Graphic Designer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Construction Project Manager
Engagement Date: February 10, 2007
Wedding Date: September, 2008
Blogging Since: December 7, 2007
Venue: The Desmond Hotel in Malvern, PA
About Me: Mr. Cupcake and I hit it off at a Halloween party and immediately began a long-distance relationship. After two years, he moved to my neck of the woods, and a year and a half after that, he proposed at the “place we fell in love.” I am a true perfectionist who enjoys designing and creating more work for myself, so wedding planning is my perfect outlet. Mr. Cupcake and I are both old souls, and we hope to weave that aspect of our personalities into our wedding day.
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