Weddingbee Blog

I respect your decision. More importantly to me, however, is when did it become okay to question each other in such a manner? Our relationship, procreation views, career paths, etc are not open for discussion. I am forever amazed at the casual-ness that has seeped into our everyday lives!

We are and will remain “childfree” too— and I too have ALWAYS known I didn’t want children of my own.

Instead of belittliing those of us who choose not to procreate, I wish that more people would focus on the parents who didn’t really think about how suited they were to the task and are thus raising brats.

Sorry, that sounds a little rant-y, but I think FAR too many people just assume that they have what it takes to be good parents. We knew we didn’t and also that we didn’t want to make the sacrifices required.

Some say that’s selfish, I say it’s just honest— and it’s not like we don’t have enough people on the planet already, so the human race will go on without my tossing my DNA in the gene pool.

You’re very much not alone, Miss Green Tea, my man and I don’t want children either. I typically avoid the topic, but now that our wedding is on the horizon, it’s almost impossible, and I, too am constantly met with surprise and hostility about it. Some people just brush it off with a “you’ll change your mind” type of comment, while others get very defensive, as if they’re scared of the idea that a woman could choose what to do (and NOT to do) with her own uterus. I wish I had good advice for how to deal with the negative reactions you (and many others of us) are getting (other than a few snarky and not very constructive retorts, I’ve got nothing, haha), but either way, know that you’re not alone!

We always respond that, “we have a chihuahua.” I find that the same people ask if we’re going to have children over and over, and pretend as if the previous conversation where I mentioned that, “another dog would be nice, but no, no children will be involved” never even happened.

Frankly, I do the same thing to couples who are not married, it’s not right for me to hound them about popping the question, and yet I do it anyway…hmm, maybe I’ll stop that.

It does baffle me that people want to demand you have kids after saying you would prefer not to have them. Not to say you’re choosing it because you think you would be a bad parent, but it wouldn’t really help if you knew for so long you didn’t want them.

I must say though that my dad didn’t want kids. He was in his late 20s when his sister had a kid. It was then he said something clicked inside of him that having a family is what life was all about. He then tried to convince my mom to have five kids instead of just two. I can imagine that someone believing that growing a family is what is most important in life would want you to share the same experience and not “miss out.”

I definitely want kids, but only now that I am madly, crazily in love with my soon-to-be husband do I see the appeal in not having them. We definitely enjoy our Sunday mornings exactly as they are. Then again, on the flip side I’m excited to someday (some very far off day) make a person who is half me and half my absolute favorite person in the world. I think it’s totally understandable to decide what you’ve decided (and awesome you found a partner who feels the same way)…I think you really ought to figure out a way to get in on that pool at work though!

I’m also irritated by the “you’ll change your mind” attitude. This usually comes from friends who want kids *so bad* that they can’t imagine not wanting them, so I don’t take it personally. But I’ve never once felt the urge to tell them that they’ll change their mind…

Telling them that we’re getting snipped usually shuts down the topic. I highly recommend it.

You are so NOT alone! FI and I don’t want kids, either, and we’ve been upfront about that (when asked) for the past 10 years that we’ve been together. When someone presses on with, “why not?”, I simply answer, “because.”

The thing that irritates me the most is when people say, with this all-knowing air about them, “you’ll change your mind.” No one would ever tell a couple that says, “oh, we want kids soon!” that “they’ll change their mind.” Why the double standard? Why judge what’s right and what’s wrong?