Wedding Blog
I have known that I wanted to be married in the temple since I was a very young girl and it’s kind of hard to believe that after so many years of waiting to go inside, my time is almost here!
I must admit that this is a post I have been apprehensive about writing, as the private religious ceremony which occurs in Latter-day Saint temples is a confusing topic for many and I am not quite sure how to explain it. I hope that my fellow LDS readers will help me in the comments section as I attempt to explain what we do, and why we do it.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or the LDS church, also known as the Mormons, has 140 temples built or in construction around the world. To quote the mormon.org website directly:
Inside [the temple], members learn more about the purpose of life and make covenants to serve Jesus Christ and their fellow man. In addition, they participate in religious ceremonies that reach beyond mortality, such as baptisms on behalf of deceased ancestors and eternal marriage.
Due to the extremely sacred nature of these buildings, only worthy members of our church who have obtained a recommend may enter. Any member of our church can get a recommend by answering a series of questions to assess personal worthiness during an interview with a church authority. Men usually receive a recommend before they serve a mission at age 19, and women receive theirs if they serve a mission at age 21, or right before they get married.
Only members with a current temple recommend are allowed to come inside the temple for the sealing and the marriage ceremony, which means that the majority of our friends and family will be unable to witness our marriage. Some of you may be familiar with this concept if you have had friends or family members who have gotten married previously in the LDS church. As a couple, we have had to deal with this personally, since Mr. Avocado’s parents are not members of our church and therefore will be unable to attend the sealing/marriage ceremony.
It is very difficult to tell someone that they will be unable to personally witness such an important event, but Mr. Avocado’s parents have been very understanding and supportive of our decision to marry in the temple. The private nature of this ceremony is actually the reason why we are having a separate ring ceremony as well. This ring ceremony will allow us to share our feelings for one another and about marriage with all of our guests, whether LDS or not.
What goes on inside of the temple is so sacred that it is not discussed with anyone who does not have a recommend. This means that I have never seen or participated in the sealing ceremony that Mr. Avocado and I will participate in come October. Although some brides might lament the loss of the ability to personalize the ceremony, I believe in this process and have never wanted to be married anywhere else. I want to be sealed in the temple because I believe that a marriage done by sealing will last forever, and that we will never have to say “till death do us part.”
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Share this post: The LDS Temple Ceremony
This is very enlightening, Miss A! Thanks for sharing 
Thank you for sharing That is the best way I’ve heard the sealing explained.
Forgive me for asking a morbid question, but I am really curious, having never learned about the LDS teachings on marriage….when one person in an LDS marriage passes away, is the other free to remarry?
Nevermind….I have just found a website that explains the answer.
WOW. You have some VERY understanding in-laws. I have cousins who are Mormon. (Don’t ask me how that works that only some of the family is - I don’t know.) Mental note to me - don’t be surprised if I don’t get a Save the Date when they go to get married!
an ultra private, special ceremony sounds beautiful. having the ring ceremony sounds like a great way to share the event with everyone!
thank you for sharing!
Another odd question:
Seeing as how the ceremony is so secret, what happens if something occurs during the ceremony that you disagree with? (I guess if the vows included something that you disagreed with?)
Just curious
I’m curious as well, if you’re sealed in marriage for eternity, and as you so eloquently put it, you will never have to say “till death do us part,” then how can you remarry after your partner dies- it seems extremely contradictory- since the first marriage doesn’t end with death, you would be married to two people at once.
Can I ask what you’ll be doing in your “ring ceremony” it sounds like a fabulous solution to my own similar, and yet very different predicament. Thanks!
Thanks for explaining this. As a Catholic bride, I don’t know much about LDS (and know better to believe the jokes/stereotypes) and recently went to SLC and took a tour of Temple Square. I found it very interesting and that was one of the first questions I had… what are LDS weddings like? It’s so interesting to hear about other religions/traditions.
Very glad to hear your future in-laws are supportive and understanding of it too. I can imagine that being difficult for them.
Perhaps you could clarify something……I have heard it said that part of the reason that women are sealed in marriage to their husbands is that without being sealed a woman is unable to enter Heaven. I have also been told that in order for a woman to enter the Kingdom of Heaven she must be invited in by a man.
Is this true?
Thanks for clarifying this stuff!
@FormerMormon:
Thanks for your response! I guess my concern was more along the lines of being required to “honor and obey” when maybe that’s not what some would want in their vows.
Miss Avocado ~ Maybe I missed this before, but did Mr. Avocado convert to Mormonism? Was that a difficult thing for you two to decide on and was he raised Catholic (guessing from the fact that he’s Polish and his parents aren’t Mormon)? Just curious, I see very few men who convert to mormonism, usually the other way around.
1990 was not that long ago… wow.
I just can’t get past excluding close friends and family. 
Wow, I can not imagine telling my future in-laws they can’t see their son get married because they are not deemed “worthy” by my religion. You have some super understanding in-laws to be.
I’m sorry to find you had reason to be apprehensive, Miss Avocado. I think it’s important for everyone to realize that all the anti-mormon and ex-mormon literature you find online will not tell the whole story. We don’t discuss the ceremony outside of the temple because it is so sacred to us, not because it is secret. Yes, there is a level of worthiness required, but we would love for everyone in the world to be able to come.
As far as “anon”’s post goes, I was recently married in the temple and it was nothing like that. And no, I’m certainly not brainwashed. I chose a less busy temple so it would be more personal (the SLC temple is busy because it is so many bride’s favorite temple and where they dream of getting married). It was the most beautiful experience I have ever had. Miss Avocado is certainly not being forced to get married either, and it’s clear she really loves Mr. Avocado. Please just be respectful, she was trying to explain a little bit
That’s really well written. Thanks Miss A for sharing.
I find it very touching that you have such a close relationship with your faith. I especially love that your friends and family are so accepting.
I think it’s refreshing.
Best of luck with all the planning!
Wow, I have to say that I’m kind of shocked by the close-mindedness of some of the people on here, what with posting a link to a website which is anti-temple marriage under an anonymous name and all.
It’s one thing to ask a legitimate question about another faith, and something entirely different to decide that you think there are flaws in it or attack it.
How about we be happy for Miss Avocado finding the love of her life and thank her for sharing her wedding ceremony with us. I, personally, do not have any friends who are Mormon and find this very interesting and enjoy learning about her wedding ceremony… just like most of my co-workers, who were Muslim, were fascinated at learning all about my Jewish ceremony.
Miss Avacado, please don’t become discouraged! It is wonderful that you are sharing these things. I myself was raised in a Baptist church–attending 3 days a week and in Christian school 5 days a week. I no longer attend, but I respect individuals of all faith communities. Each one is special, and I love to learn about the things that the individual members hold sacred. Thank you for sharing! Your wedding will be beautiful and spirit-filled. It is incredible that your in-laws are so supportive. I think it is wonderful that you have created something unique for them to be a part of which is also special! You are bold and absolutely fabulous for taking a step out of the comfort zone and explaining a little bit about who you are and what you hold sacred–your faith! You ought to be commended for that. Thank you so much for sharing!
I was raised Mormon and most of my family still practices. While I no longer believe in a lot of the doctrine, I resent those who feel it necessary to hijack an eloquent post about a deep and nuanced topic. One-paragraph retorts or links devoid of context polarize rather than enlighten.
I was upset when my sister got married 3 years ago and I could not witness it…but I got over it. She has a wonderful marriage and is content in her faith. We can all agree to disagree without being disrespectful.
You did a good job explaining as much as is appropriate to explain to people who have not been in the temple. My sister-in-law just got married in the new Rexburg, Idaho, temple this weekend. I had to wait outside with my husband, as well as my sister-in-law and her husband, and all the children. It wasn’t a big deal, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to go anyways. I know a lot of things that aren’t shared about the temple, simply from knowing people who have left the church who have shared (not specifics, but more than most people would know). In some ways I wish I could have been there, but I realize it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to be there as I do not share in their beliefs. Most of my husband’s side of the family is LDS, and so all of them were in the temple and got to witness the ceremony. I didn’t mind it really. What I did mind was afterwards, many people said things like “I feel so bad for people who can’t be in the temple” or “can you imagine how unhappy their lives are?” That, to me, was not cool. My husband and I are really active in our church, but since it’s not a LDS church, it doesn’t count in the eyes of his family. But that’s their deal, not ours, we all still love each other and are close. I totally understand why they believe what they do, and I’m proud that they live out their beliefs. They’re amazing lovely people.
Are you going to have a “traditional” LDS reception? As in nut cups, open house, and cake? Or will you have dancing and that sort of thing?
I do think it’s cool that you’re willing to be “not the norm.” I think there’s something really special about living your beliefs, even if they are different from others. And the outside of the Rexburg temple? Really pretty.
BTW I think it takes courage to open up and share with the world stuff like this. Especially when you know your faith is controversial or misunderstood.
Kudos to you for having the guts to write about your temple ceremony!
Popping back in to agree with others that it takes a lot of guts to post about something so personal — that was very brave, Miss A! And I think it’s a really neat idea to have a separate ring ceremony, too, so as to include your non-LDS guests. Best wishes.
@Karen, @maryalison & @JuneBride09: Ditto! Again, thank you for sharing Miss A
Thanks for sharing! (what you can )
I have to admit that I have been eagerly hoping you’d post about the LDS ceremony! I am interested in religions of all kinds, although I don’t practice in any of them. Naturally, my curiosity would love to hear more, but I respect the sensitive nature of the topic. I didn’t realize that even you would not know what will happen! Wow! So will your wedding be the first time you go to the temple at all?
I have really enjoyed getting a glimpse of the LDS faith in such a personal way from you. I’m in Rochester, NY. I grew up here, and my dad lives about 15 minutes away from Cumorah Hill, and yet find i still don’t know much at all about the church. Thank you so much for sharing, Miss A.
The majority of my family on my mom’s side are practicing LDS. I myself was baptized in the LDS church but am no longer practicing out of personal choice. I suppose that even though I am technically mormon (through baptism) I would not be able to attend my sister’s future wedding in the temple? That stings a bit but I am completely understanding and respect those who choose this path in life. I must say that the people I have met through this particular church were always so welcoming and loving. Overall extremely kind people always willing to help each other. Kudos to you for having the bravery to share your story. Not everyone is understanding towards this religion, I grew up facing a lot of scorn over it. Thanks for sharing and I think it’s so cool that you are having a ring exchange ceremony afterwards.
Thanks for the post. I really like reading about other people’s experiences. I think it makes everyone a little more understanding when they can see things from a real person’s point of view.
Miss Avocado, thanks for giving us a glimpse into your faith and practices! It’s really interesting, and while it’s a shame they’ll miss out, I’m glad your in-laws respect your faith enough to miss the ceremony.
Thanks for putting yourself out there, Miss Avocado. Learning about someone else’s way of doing things is part of what makes life so interesting and wonderful!
I think your idea of a separate ring ceremony that everyone can participate in is really sweet. Does the ring ceremony usually happen as part of the sealing ceremony then?
As a Mormon I just want to critique one of Miss Avacodo’s statements a bit because the feminist in me rebels against it. She stated that men receive their temple recommend at age 19 and women at 21 or when they’re married. This is what _typically_ occurs as receiving a recommend is tied to serious, sacred promises with God. Most individuals feel that they are best prepared for these commitments just before they serve a mission or seek marriage. I’d like to add that it isn’t unheard of for men or women to receive their temple recommends as soon as they reach their majority (i.e. 18). Single women and women who have not served missions (and single men and men who have not served missions) are not barred from the temple if they are worthy to receive the recommend.
Hi Miss Avo, thanks for the information. Good for you for standing up for what you believe in, and having a ring ceremony and realizing its important to share your love with other people also.
Also! I live right near the Seattle temple, and did you know that the steeple is under construction and has scaffolding all the way up to the statue of Moroni? Do you have any way to check and see if it will still be under construction when you get married? It has such pretty grounds and I would hate for it to ruin the only pictures you will have at the temple!
the ceremony sounds like it will be so meaningful and special to you both. thanks for sharing
Miss Avocado,
I’d think long and hard about the temple marriage and how that will affect your relationship with your future in-laws, especially your mother-in-law. I love the church, but have many qualms with the culture. My Mormon friends are nice people, but I have to admit that their is an air of superiority in the culture of the church, especially amongst the families with a 170+ year history in the LDS church (disclosure: I’m a direct descendant of both Joseph Smith and Brigham Young). Be mindful that your in-laws will likely feel excluded and judged.
In my experience, it’s not uncommon for see arguments and crying at an LDS/Non-LDS weddings. If nothing else, your future mother-in-law will hold this against you forever despite their professed acceptance at the moment. Just imagine not being able to see your little boy get married.
One other thing. Your converted fiancée may fall away from the teachings of the church. This is something that you should think about and question whether you would want to keep the marriage together if that happened. Converts leave the church all the time and I hate to admit it, but a lot of my friends from 8th/9th generation families have left the church too. I’m just glad I have such a strong testimony and it sounds like you do too! It sounds like you’ve made a nice compromise with the inclusion of the ring ceremony. Make sure to make it special for his family! A lot of girls I went to BYU with wouldn’t have done it because it takes away from the temple. I think you’re really cool for trying to bridge the divide.
I dated a Mormon for 4 years. I was engaged to him, although I am Lutheran. He desperately wanted me to convert so that we could be married in the temple. It made me sick to my stomach that my family would not be able to witness our wedding. It’s just another way to separate you from the “non-believers”
we eventually parted ways and later I found out all about the secret temple handshakes and Kolob…
oh yeah and the part where Mormons believe that they become gods themselves.
Pretty sure, I only believe in one.
@maryalison:@sara: You are free to remarry civilly, as many times as you desire. Getting remarried in the temple is a little bit different.
@Starry-eyed Barefoot Bride: I suspect that your cousins will send you an invitation, but it will likely be to a very scaled down reception. They also may invite you to the temple grounds for pictures and to greet the bride and groom as they emerge from the temple, but unless you have a recommend you cannot go inside.
@Jess: The ceremony is based on the beliefs of the church. Since I believe in the teachings of the church, I know I will agree with what is taught inside of the temple. It’s important to remember that the teachings are not kept secret because they are controversial, only because they are special.
@Michelle: I should have a few different posts about the ring ceremony coming up. Designing it has been really fun because we will already be married, and so I don’t have any “rules” I have to follow. Everything is 100% personalized!
@Karen: What you have heard is almost true, but the way it was explained to you makes it sound like all of the men can do whatever they want, and that a woman can’t do anything without a man. We believe that Heaven is made up of different levels, and to reach the highest level you must be married, in the temple. In truth, man and woman both cannot make it to the highest level without each other.
@mandoo: Mr. Avocado found the church when he was 16 years old, and was baptized when he was 19. He was raised Catholic, and his parents were initially very resistant to his conversion, but they raised him to make his own choices in life, and have now been able to witness the positive ways that being a member has influenced him.
@shibaby: It is difficult to tell people that they cannot come inside, but it is important to remember that it isn’t only nonmembers who don’t come in. My best friend just got married last night and I was unable to witness the marriage ceremony personally because I do not yet have a recommend. We hope that our friends and family care for us enough to respect and support our belief system (because it is really what makes us who we are)
@ckonkle: @ceche: Thanks
@JessicaMayBe: I’m sorry you encountered so many insensitive people. I try to live by the mantra that I want other people to respect my belief system, and so I must in term respect theirs. I am sure your SIL appreciates your open mind towards her decision. I had to LOL at the end of your comment, as you were dead on in describing the typical mormon reception. And no, we will not be having nuts and cake We are going to do an open house the week after, but it won’t be at the church, and I refuse to stand in line.
@peachypear: I will be visiting the temple for the first time the day before the ceremony. We use the temple for things other than marriage, and I will be going on Friday to participate in those ordinances.
@Heidz: I am sorry that you did not know about this until now, I hope you will sit down with your family and discuss it with them so they can help you understand a little bit better. They would love to answer any questions you might have!
@Miss Sea Breeze: The ring exchange is usually done in the temple, but it isn’t really part of the sealing ceremony. The couple steps off to the side and exchange rings privately.
@jtg: You zeroed in on the part of the post that I kept coming back to and editing. I wanted to be as concise as possible while still giving some information. You are right though, women do NOT have to get married or serve a mission to go to the temple eventually. Both men and women can go when a church authority determines they are ready.
@AnnieBelle: It is closed for a month for renovations, but that just means it will be extra sparkly for my wedding in October.
@Miss Margarita: I really enjoyed your posts as well!
@9th Generation Mormon: Marriage is work, and so is staying strong in the church, and those are two things that both Mr. Avocado and I are committed to. We believe too strongly in the teachings of the church to have anything but a temple marriage, and we can only hope that this parents will work to understand that.
@ml: ml, I’m sorry your experience is a negative one. I support your decision to be Lutheran, and I respect your choice of a belief system. I hope you can learn to accept the decision I have made to believe the way I do.
Good job, Miss Avo. My boyfriend and I sat on the lawn of the San Diego Temple on Sunday morning discussing our goal of being married there at some point in the future. We both come from LDS families so we don’t have the complication of one family feeling excluded but even knowing that his younger siblings and some of my good friends won’t be there with us makes us a little sad.
My cousin was recently married to a guy who was the only member in his family and their ring ceremony was seriously awesome. I was a little jealous that she got to have the “typical” bride experience of walking down the aisle with her dad to a string quartet playing beautiful music. My dad is a bishop so he performed it and he took the opportunity to explain the sanctity of the covenants that are made in the temple. The groom’s family really appreciated that. Then they just said their own vows to each other and it was really sweet. Just an idea for you…
One thing I’d like to reiterate about our religion. The family unit is central to our beliefs so we view the sealing ordinance (marriage) as an incredibly important step in a couple’s life. It isn’t merely a celebration of love or a legal contract between two people, it is a commitment we make with God as much as it is a commitment made with our spouse. Hence it is sacred and private not to exclude anyone or to prove that we are different or anything like that.
@shaver2b: The ring ceremony you described sounds like exactly what we are going for. I am actually having a hard time finding someone to do it, since there is the perception among church members that the church discourages ring ceremonies in general (for any other LDS brides, I have, so far, been unable to find anything to back this up). Thanks for your reiteration of what the temple ceremony means, it was spot on.
sorry to comment nearly a week later but i was on vacation and just have to ask this–
i am a christian. and from what i know of the LDS church (and thank you for expanding my knowledge!) mormons are christians as well.
that said, i know in my bible it says nothing about different levels of heaven. where are you finding this?
@kaymarie: Yes we are Christians! We believe in modern day revelation, and a book called the Book of Mormon explains concepts such as this inside. I don’t want to be preaching on here, so please let me know if you would like me to email you and explain in better detail. Thanks for being so open minded!
@Miss Avocado: i would love that. my email happens to be my full name and i’m wary of just writing it out on the hive for all to see. is there a way i can more privatley communicate it with you?
Some of my favorite ceremonies that I’ve been too have only had the closest family there and they were super special. One couple wanted the blessing of the catholic church so they got married in the catholic church with only close family there. They said it was one very emotional, and absolutely loved having the small ceremony. The next day they had a ring ceremony and a big reception. Most LDS weddings only have the closest family there for the ceremony. There is something special about that. Rather than worrying about all of the things aren’t really that important, you get to focus on the thing that is really important, getting married to the one you love.
[...] ceremony was held in the LDS Temple (Miss Avocado from Weddingbee explains the Temple ceremony here), which then provided a stunning backdrop for these [...]
@joshua gene photographer: Well said. Do you photograph many LDS weddings?
[...] 1: The Temple sealing at 12:00 pm. As I explained previously, this is a private ceremony. The room we reserved seats 35, [...]
I actually see very many men converted. My dad was converted after my mom introduced the church to him, and my brother in law after my sister introduced the church to him. Those are just 2 examples, but I know many more.
If they are truly converted and not just doing it for the girl, then no they wont fall away. My dad joined the church when he met my mom, and after 25 years of marriage he is still active and strong in the church.
Miss A - I am LDS, and face a similar issue - many of our family members (including my father and my fiancé’s parents) will not be able to attend our sealing. I understand the difficulty of not being able to include your in-laws-to-be in the sealing ceremony, and a ring ceremony is a wonderful idea.
Some advice for you, however, as you are planning your ring ceremony—As a wedding photographer, I had the opportunity to photograph a number of ring ceremonies following temple sealings. One of them was basically just another wedding ceremony, where the bridal party all walked down the aisle to “Here Comes the Bride” along with all of the other usual hoopla. It felt very much like they were making light of the sacred and serious covenants they had just made.
Another ring ceremony I photographed was a completely opposite experience. They didn’t walk down the aisle or try to duplicate a civil ceremony; instead, their bishop took a few minutes to explain the significance of the temple ceremony and then the bride and groom each shared their feelings about the ceremony they had just participated in. They then exchanged rings and went to their reception. It was a beautiful and spiritual experience that added to the specialness and sacredness of the event rather than taking away from it.
In case you were wondering what the official position of the church is, the Church Handbook of Instructions states:
“Exchanging rings is not part of the temple marriage ceremony. However, couples may exchange rings after the ceremony in the room where the ceremony takes place. To avoid confusion with the marriage ceremony, couples should not exchange rings at any other time or place in a
temple or on temple grounds. However, after their temple marriage, a couple may exchange rings at locations other than the temple. If such an exchange is made, the circumstances should be consistent with the dignity of their temple marriage. The exchange should not appear to replicate any part of the marriage ceremony, and the couple should not exchange vows.”
Just as a side note, I would highly recommend that you receive your endowment earlier than the day before your sealing. It is also a wonderful and sacred event, and I think it would be beneficial for you to be able to separate it just a bit from your wedding if at all possible. It’s nice to have a little time to absorb and to ponder without the stress of having your wedding the very next day.
[...] hundreds of people when only 35 are invited, as most people we know are familiar with the fact that a temple recommend is necessary to enter into the temple. Those guests who are recommend holders know that a personal invitation [...]
[...] mentioned before how important temple marriage is in the LDS faith, and as teenage girl I participated in many youth [...]
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Mrs. Avocado, Seattle
Age and Occupation: 23, Student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Consultant
Engagement Date: July 27, 2008
Wedding Date: October, 2008
Blogging Since: June 30, 2008
Venue: LDS Seattle Temple & Hotel 1000
About Me: Somehow this little farm girl found herself a genuine Pole to fall in love and eventually move away to Poland with. I am an LDS bride attempting to plan a private religious ceremony, ring ceremony, seated reception for 100, and an open house while coordinating for guests flying in from across the United States and as far away as Poland. I try to avoid fads, excess waste, and saturated fat. I strongly endorse photography, DDR, calorie counting, rss feeds, cooking, and utilizing your resources.
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