Wedding Blog
We sent out our invitations dangerously close to the July 30 RSVP date, so we’re giving our guests—and the Postal Service—a little extra time to respond. Over the last week we’ve been watching our RSVPs roll in (or not, in the case of some pesky procrastinators), a few at a time, day by day, and we’ve noticed a disappointing trend.
I knew that when we started planning a destination wedding in Montana, we would forfeit the attendance of some much-loved guests. Many of the East Coast relatives on Mr. Cherry Pie’s dad’s side of the family have a history with Glacier and money to spare, so we expect to see most of them there. However, Polebridge seems like the end of the world to most of my Michigan relatives, which makes it just as remote as the dark side of the moon.
As a result, we’ve so far received about 24 “yes” responses from Mr. CP’s dad’s side (including 6 relatives neither of us have ever met), 8 “yes” responses from Mr. CP’s mom’s side… and only six total “yes” responses from both sides of my family.
This six includes my mom, dad, three sisters, and one aunt.
Ouch.
I don’t want to play the numbers game, but it’s hard not to. I thought maybe half of the invitees in my extended family would RSVP “declined,” not all but one.
I’ve known for quite some time that my grandparents on my mom’s side probably wouldn’t be able to attend due to health concerns. It has been tough dealing with the thought of not having there on our wedding day. But my grandparents on my dad’s side have had their reservations since May. To hear from them recently that they, too, have had to cancel due to health concerns is heartbreaking.
As expected, it’s the current economic recession, not health, that is keeping everyone else from attending. Airfare, gas prices, hotel costs, and meals make our wedding an expensive trip. I am understanding of everyone’s very legitimate reasons for declining, but it won’t make it any easier to look out at our guests on my wedding day and feel the void of my missing family.
Their absence has hit me a lot harder than I expected. Every “declined” response from family means one less familiar face I might not see again for years and one less family photo I’ll have as an heirloom. It leaves me wishing more and more that my family were the type for regular reunions.
I spent much of last Thursday and Friday feeling really down in the dumps about everything. First I was sad, then I was spiteful, then I was just plain depressed and frustrated.
I’ve been putting so much effort into making this a truly memorable experience for everyone, particularly those who have not visited Montana before. We chose Glacier/Polebridge as our venue for its pivotal significance to us and for its breathtaking beauty. We also tried to make every effort to convey those things to our invitees. I had hoped that everyone understood we were planning our wedding with their experience in mind.
And, of course, underneath my emotionality, I realize that where money or health is concerned, rational decisions are a large priority over my daydreams of a “perfect” day.
Despite my disappointment, I am trying to count my blessings. I am thankful that my family is supportive of my wedding to Mr. Cherry Pie, and that none of them are withholding their presence due to dissent.
I am glad that Mr. CP’s family will be in such high attendance because I love them dearly and have spent a lot of time with them at family events over the years. (Even his 93-year-old grandpa with a glass eye and pig’s heart valve will be there!)
Finally, I am very grateful that we will be joined in Polebridge by more than forty of our closest friends. To have them there on our wedding day means the world to me.
Certainly, there is something to be said about the intimacy of a small wedding and reception. (Our guest list is about 20 less than our initial projection.) But nothing can replace the presence of family at a truly important life occasion such as this.
It’s a small success that today I don’t feel nearly as blue as I did last week, but I am still struggling to feel excited about our wedding again with the knowledge that most of my family will be absent. I’ll honor them with our photo line, but a paper stand-in can’t beat a real person.
Have any of you dealt with this? Do you have any suggestions on how to incorporate my absent family into our wedding, to make them participants despite their absence, and to cope with the void that I’m still feeling?
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I don’t have much advice to give, for us it was the opposite, lots of my family little of his. I know it was hard, but when the day came he said it bothered him less than he expected because of all of the excitement etc. Hang in there
I’m sorry you’re feeling blue. I totally understand how you feel. I’m an only child with no cousins and one of my aunt and uncles couldn’t be bothered to come to Vegas when we eloped. Both sides of our family were there and their excuse was that it was too hot. WTF? It’s actually put a big hole in our relationship and I don’t think it will ever be the same. Oh well, my parents and my favorite aunt were there, so that was great. Now that you have a smaller guest list, you can spend the extra money on something fun!!
Mrs. GB 2.0 had no blood relatives in attendance. Her friends stepped in though and really provided a support for her that would have otherwise been absent.
I think it’s good that you are giving yourself time to cope with your feelings now rather than trying to put on a brave face. Dealing with it now will probably mean that when the wedding day comes, you’ll be free to enjoy the day for what it is. It will be wonderful. It’s okay to be sad now though.
Ouch, that must hurt so very much. I am sure Laura’s right, that the day will be filled with excitement and love anyway.
Could you do a reception in Michigan, maybe a month after, or six months later, or on your first anniversary? It doesn’t have to be expensive, it could even be a fun picnic. The reception could be a welcoming in honour of the newlyweds, complete with invitations (though not as nice as the wedding invited) a photographer (or designated family member with camera) and a cake (homemade)! It’d be close to your family, they’d all be invited, and they’d probably love to get the chance to honour you in this way, since they can’t travel to your wedding. Plus, if you want, you could wear the wedding attire again! 
I had the same problem. Most of my family is in the UK as is my Fiance’s. We had to ask people to fly to arizona for our wedding. We had around 50 guests and it was a perfect number.
My husband had 17 relatives including his mom, dad, brother and sister at our wedding. Nearly all of his family lives in the midwest and coming out to California would have been quite the expense. He isn’t super close to his extended family so he wasn’t too bummed out about it but out of over 100 family members, for only 13 to make the trip was a bummer.
You just have to do your best to enjoy the guests that are there. I’m sure you family doesn’t want to miss out but you are right, times are tough and travel and lodging is expensive.
In my experience, considering we had 219 on our guest list and 115 attend our wedding, less is more! We were able to visit with everyone and not feel overwhelmed!
My heart goes out to you, Miss Cherry Pie. We had a backyard barbeque up in Spokane, where my fiancee is from, about a month ago, mostly for his extended family who won’t be able to make it to Napa in September due to the same reasons - travel is just too costly. I can’t say that makes us feel any better about their absence on the wedding day, but at least we got to see them all and celebrate the occasion. I guess that will just have to do. I feel ya sister…
oh, miss CP, i’m so sorry to hear this. *hug* my husband and i ended up doing to vegas due to real-wedding drama (mostly family and money based) and the only people who came were 5 of my husbands friends. none of my friends could come (and a few who couldn’t be bothered who i don’t really consider friends anymore) and our families decided they wanted nothing to do with it, even thought we invited them. my parents didn’t even contact me on the day of my wedding. 
i’ve always considered myself fairly independent, so i never imagined i would be as devastated as i was that day when i realized i was totally alone on my wedding day. i totally sympathize with how you’re feeling. *hug* all you can do is focus on the positive…your parents, your friends who will be there and your soon to be hubby!
I’m so sorry!! Maybe you could try one of those internet broadcasts? I know older relatives might need help with it, but it might be worth it (we were even considering it … ). & I second Krista’s idea! Have another party!!
Neither set of my grandparents were able to make it due to health concerns and inability to travel. Hearing the news was a lot sadder than them not being there on the actual day. You’ll be so occupied with who IS there and celebrating that you won’t worry about it too much the day of. My grandparents inability to attend influenced us to get a videographer, and I am SO glad we did.
I completely understand it being frustrating. None of DH’s uncles came and a lot of his side had lame excuses (”Oh, little Billy has a soccer game that weekend.”) We still had a blast though!
I had this feeling a bit when a much loved aunt couldn’t make it to my shower - I cried buckets one day on my way home from work in the car.
It’s easy to feel like you won’t be able to fully enjoy the day, but remember - the most TRULY important detail is that you’re getting married. Could you host a small bbq or something nearer to your family after the honeymoon? then they could feel like they are part of the process.
(hugs)
becky
We have not sent out our invites yet, but my father already said “well, no one is going to come anyway” referring to any/all relatives who don’t live in Pennsylvania with us. It definitely stung. Since then though I have actually been hoping for a small weddding. Everyone who wants to and can be there will be and that is enough. I bet you will be thinking of no one else except Mr. CP on your wedding day and it will still be perfect.
My sister was married in Santa Fe. Not really a DW for her, as she lives in Los Alamos. But it meant travel for all family on both sides - the only locals were their friends, and not even all their friends were local. I know that she was actually surprised that so many family came, but it was at an advantageous time of year - just before Thanksgiving. Most of our family farms, so it’s pretty much when they plan their vacations anyway.
However, Santa Fe is an expensive destination. My wedding (in July), although it still required travel for some family friends and relatives, got much higher attendance. I was initially sort of mystified as to why people who didn’t go to my sister’s wedding would travel to come to mine. But - our location is relatively east to fly in and out of. The hotels are much less expensive, even the nicest ones. And that was obviously a big consideration for a lot of people.
We actually thought of - and talked seriously about - getting married at Timberline Lodge. It would have been really nice. However, in the end we decided that effectively limiting our guest list to people who could easily afford to drop a minimum of $1500 to be there was not what we were after.
I also vote for a reception in Michegan at a later date. You could have a photo album from the wedding for your family to see, and you would get to celebrate with them. My sister’s wedding was fairly lightly attended due to travel issues, but the open-house reception that we threw for her later was lots of fun. We got a small replica of the wedding cake, and not only did many friends and relatives who just hadn’t been able to make the wedding come, but a lot who had travelled to the wedding also came! And she enjoyed it a lot, as it was quite more relaxed than the actual wedding day.
Thank you all for your empathy and support!
@Krista: When I first thought about throwing another party, I was like “oh man, we could never afford THAT.” But you know what? The way you described it, we probably could! And I bet they’d actually come join us somewhere in Michigan. If we did that next summer, maybe I could actually see my childhood friend who is getting married on the same day.
@Emily: I was tempted by this idea! But unfortunately it’s wishful thinking given that our wedding is in the middle of nowhere without broadband or cell signal… and most webcams have difficulty with diffuse sound (like outdoor ceremonies). Ah, well.
Oh Miss CP, I’m so sorry to hear this! I can only imagine how upset you are….and I’m glad you’re staying positive and looking on the bright side.
A small reception/party later down the road is one option, as well as broadcasting your wedding live via webcam.
Maybe investing in a large card and send it out, chainmail style? Include a list of names & addresses and ask everyone to write something on the card, and send it on to the next person on the list. I don’t know if this would be asking too much, but if you get a lot of people to sign, you can display the card at your wedding in honor of those who couldn’t (but wanted to) make it.
How bout trying to find some time during the first year of your marriage to take a vacation to visit all of these relatives? You can personally introduce your new husband and get to spend quality time w/ the people you love who were not able to make it to the wedding.
I’ve always wanted a pot luck family picnic. We don’t have reunions, we are in 11 states - if you have a lot of people not attending who all live in the same 3 hour radius - throw a pot luck picnic. You supply the booze, cake, decor - and different people bring salads and pasta to pass and people grill, and people play frisbee ad bocce ball - oh it is my dream that will never be - so do it!!
A few days ago someone posted on the boards a Washington Post advice columnist saying it was selfish and ridiculous to plan a special day so far from all the family just so it can be “unique and different” - and her letter stung a bit (it was better written than what I just said). We were expecting 165-180 in Sonoma for our 100% destination wedding, and we are getting 125 - we have the same RSVP date as you too. I was low for a little bit too - but we’ve both made our bed - we chose a memorable wedding over a family wedding. Harsh, I know. But then go have a pot luck in Michigan, or spend a vacation visiting the relatives you never see and had hoped to see at your wedding. (I will admit that I’m Mr. CP in this scenario and my FI is you when it comes to the family - but we’ve decided we are taking a few extra days off at Thanksgiving and we’re going to spend it with all of his family who all live in the same city and we are bringing the video and the pictures and it will be fabulous).
Miss CP, just wanted to say that I can empathise with you a little! I’ve been a little down the past couple of days because of the 144 we invited, we’ll probably have only about 85 once all the RSVPs are in. The guest list was a little more skewed towards my side, so I’ve had more declines. For the most part the most important people to us will be there, but there are some people that I will really miss. Including our grandparents who can’t travel, and one of my bridesmaids who can’t come for a reason completely out of her control. I know that’s sort of what we get for planning a wedding where we live (down South) instead of where we’re from (NE) but I wouldn’t change it because this is our home together. I know the people who aren’t coming wish that they could be there, and I know it will allow us to spend more time with the ones who do come! But I am just letting myself be a little sad about it for a few days.
I think it would be great to have some sort of gathering with your family after the fact–I hope that works out for you! I’m sure your day will be beautiful and special no matter what, and I know your family will be thinking of you no matter where they are that day. Hang in there.
Our friends are having a similar problem because the grooms side is all from Zew Zealand! Their solution was the web broadcast (the family is gathering down there to have a party for the webcast too :-)) but if thats not going to work…
How about a videographer? I can’t remember if you are going to have one, but even if its not in your budget, get a relative who will be there to do it for you. That way you can make a fun “honeymoon ceremony” of traveling to the one or two places (maybe the two grandparents places?) where some of the people who couldn’t come are and show the video off and make a party around it! Given Mr. Mango’s recent post on the billions of celebrations involved in his wonderful culture, I can’t see it being too bad to have a couple of celebrations for yours as well! You could even try and bring some aspects from your wedding, and maybe invite some people who would be willing to make those heirloom photos happen for you, even if it isn’t the one special day in the right place - it still your family celebrating with you.
Wow, I’m so sorry to hear that. The way I see it, Montana is practically my backyard in comparison to Seattle, so y’all will be like… CLOSE. I can just drive over there (granted it’s a 15 hour ‘just drive over there’ but still)!
Everyone is right though - they will still be thinking of you. It’s so tough that many people have to choose between a month’s gas, and a plane ticket… It is a small silver lining for you, though not as awesome as seeing your family, that you will have to pay for less dinners and chairs with less guests, am i rite?
P.S. I will formally ‘rsvp’ if the postal service ever delivers my invite. like, even if it’s next february. I WILL rsvp.
I’m in the same boat as you Ms. Cherry Pie.
When we sent our STDs earlier this year, everyone was so excited and looking forward to a destination wedding but now that RSVPs are coming in, the majority call/email to tell us that they would love to come but it’s financially too much, even with the discounted hotel and airfare we arranged for them. Although I understand where they’re coming from it’s hard to hear that the people you wanted most to be present won’t be there after all.
Have you thought of setting up a live feed via internet? Our church offers this neat set up for $100, I found out about it at our meeting with the priest… just an idea!
I feel your pain! I have a small family, and only one grandmother left - she’s never even met my husband even though we got married after 6 years together, and although she offered other excuses, we suspect that she refused to attend our wedding because she is STILL bitter about her divorce from my grandfather 30 years ago. And she was the one who asked for the divorce! I had a couple of bad days thinking “what kind of wedding is it without my one grandmother?” but then I came around to the opinion that if she really didn’t want to be there, I didn’t really want her to be there either. Hang in there!
Oh Miss Cherry Pie, I’m so sorry to hear about your grandparents I have a Grand Aunt that may not make it due to health reasons too! She is my last surving grant parent/aunt
But I think Krista’s idea is perfect. My sister, who got married in England the spring of 2000, came for a visit later in the summer to celeberate. All of her friends and our family were able to make it… we just had a big ‘ole BBQ…. very relaxed. Keep my fingers crossed for ya
Hi Ms. Cherry Pie. I just love your wedding! You’ve picked an amazing location and I just love seeing the great things you’re planning for it. Please don’t let this get you down. My husband and I were married in June in Hood River, OR, because we loved the location. Unfortunately, it was a trek for most of our guests, and many more than we’d expected declined the invite. It did bum us out, and I shed a few tears over it. But, once I started focusing on those who were coming instead of those that weren’t I was able to get back into things, and the wedding was amazing! Now, I just feel sorry for those who missed it. We are having a second reception back in OK where both our parents live and we have several family friends. It’s going to be a totally casual barn dance. My mom is doing all of the planning, and all my husband and I have to do is show up and have a great time. It’s actually really nice to have another party to look forward to.
I think I will be feeling a similar dissapointment when our RSVPs start coming in. Not quite with the lopsided factor, but my family is scattered across the country. There are a few I am REALLY planning on being there and I am hoping that by sending out Save the Dates 7 1/2 months ahead of time that they can figure out where to get deals and how to make it work.
As for the webcam thing… Webcasting can be expensive and tricky. But if you have a laptop with a webcam (Hooray Macs!) SKYPE is your friend!! The quality isnt amazing, but its free anywhere in the world. I will be Skyping a few select people close to my heart that wont be able to join as I get ready (twirl in my gown for them, and tell them I am thinking of them type of thing.)
Awww Ms. CP, I’m sorry. I’ve been feeling pretty down too, because although my family will be there, I am not very close with them. Instead, the people I had most counted on, my good friends, have for the large part had to decline because of money - and this was mostly a surprise to me as many had maintained they would be attending until recently. Out of the 100 guests we have invited, 40 will be attending. I was not expecting this. And one of these friends was going to be our photographer, which has just added extra stress and disappointment. It’s a big bummer, and I feel kind of hypocritical saying it because when I think about it I feel down again, but to think of the people who will be there for you and remember how much everyone loves you and would like to be there, whether they can come or not. And no matter what, your wedding will be wonderful and memorable.
I’m so sorry to hear your family can’t make it. I would feel resentful, too. I actually wondered about that when I first read that you were getting married in Montana at Glacier Park. It’s hard for people to come when it’s long distance and hotels, etc. (though, the resentful side of me thinks, I have moved heaven and earth to get to all kinds of weddings for guests who told me they could not come to mine).
Here’s one more thing to be grateful for: your finace deeply wants to marry you. At the end of the day, that’s what it’s all about. Whether your people or his people can make it, you chose your wedding site because it was meaningful to you and you wanted to marry your fiance there.
I am sorry that your family can’t make it because that would break my heart too, but you’re getting married! Whoo hoo!
This is almost exactly the number breakdown of our wedding: we had sixty-some total, and 8 from my family. And the reasons were all the same: the groom’s upper-middle-class east-coast family had the disposable income to make the trip, and my lower-middle-class midwestern family didn’t.
Our wedding website included a blogger.com feed, and I made an extraordinarily detailed post on the day of the wedding, more for my benefit than anyone else’s, and our Christmas letter ended up being a longish description of the event. We got tons of email from people who hadn’t made it to the wedding, saying how thankful they were for both the blog and the letter, and how it made them feel like they were part of it.
I’m in the same boat CP. We invited over 150 people to our wedding, and we will be lucky to get 60. All of Mr. Cookie relatives from Ohio are coming, but none of mine are coming at all! There lack of willingness to travel sucks! I’m in the “sad and pissed off” phase right now, hopefully I will move toward acceptance soon!
Because of a similar situation in Mr. L’s family, his mom is planning a separate, more casual reception in their hometown a month or so after the wedding. My family is way more spread out, so that doesn’t really make sense for my side to do. See if you can foist the planning off on another relative– your mom, aunt, cousins — in Michigan so you don’t add to your stress.
Sorry to hear about your situation, but I think it just gives you another reason to keep the party going. We are having a small wedding where we live by choice, and only my immediate family will be in attendance. My Mom’s side of the family doesn’t travel, so we are having a party at my parent’s house one month later. Not to mention, we are having a shower where his mom lives to include her friends and family.
I’m going through the same thing! We’re getting married in Grand Cayman in December and until last month, we had 40 people with booked airfare and hotel rooms. I was ecstatic! Then we got word that Spirit Air was shutting down out of Detroit and suddenly, 15 people who had paid less than $600 for their tickets are now looking at airfare that costs over $1000. It’s SO frustrating.
To cope, we’re paying for our wedding to be webcast live, so hopefully our friends and family who aren’t with us in person can be there through the magic of the Internet.
Keep your chin up. Try to remember that as long as you and Mr. CP are there, it will be a perfect wedding!
I’m very sorry to hear about this as well. The same exact thing happened to us! My family is from Michigan originally, although they’re all spread out now, and they all gave us pretty lame excuses for not attending the wedding - my middle-school aged son has a football game that weekend (and every weekend - so are you just going to stop going to family events???), I moved last summer and we’re settling in (but the wedding is in October???), I’ll only have about 8 people at the wedding from my side - but remember: it’s quality over quantity. Those 8 people pulled out all the stops to get there and it’ll be great to see them!
I’m sorry to hear this is happening to you, Miss CP!
This may happen to us, too. We live about 3 hours from my hometown, but all of our extended family and many of our friends live in Ontario and Nova Scotia. I’m nervous, but hopeful that people will make the trip.
Oh Miss CP! We are in the same boat. We live in Seattle and are getting married in NY. This decision was based on the fact that everyone in Mr. Pants’ family lives on Long Island, and all of my extended family lives all over the country and would have to travel no matter where we got married.
I felt especially good about it, too, because NY is closer to Alabama, where my grandparents live, thus upping the chances that they might take the train. No such luck.
Our RSVP date was 08/01, and so far, from my “side” of the guest list is full of disheartening zeros. Out of 179 guests, approximately 40 of which were my family, only 6 (!) are coming, and those 6 include my mom and her sister (they’ve lived together since they both got divorced in the early 80’s), my dad, and 2 sets of aunts and uncles.
I try to keep positive - I know everyone really loves us, they’re sad they won’t be there, also… and the biggest surprise has been from our friends out here in Seattle - a lot of yesses! So I guess it all works out, and I’m sure I’ll be having too much fun on the actual weddin’ day to notice that Hypochondriac Aunt Crazy from Virginia is missing.
Hang in there!
Somewhat similar situation here. Our wedding was in southern CA, my family is all in northern CA. not a long trip - but enough that a chunk of my family couldn’t come due to finals/costs/whatever.
i was bummed at first, but we ended up having a reception up north, at my parents’ house, two months later. it was totally casual, just hanging out, but it was great to see everyone and celebrate again. plus by that point we had all the pictures and whatnot, so it was a blast. i definitely agree with krista, go with a second reception!
So sorry to hear it, though I completely understand. Our wedding is in the bay area, near FI’s immediate family. His extended family are all trucking out from the east coast with few exceptions. My mom and potentially my brother will be at the wedding from my side. Her extended family don’t necessarily have the income or the inclination to travel much, which was sad and disappointing at first, but I’m trying to focus on those that are coming, including FI’s amazing 90 year old grandmother and some dear family friends from Australia. Try and focus on all the love and good times on the big day, even if you can’t share with the whole family. The post-wedding picnic sounds like a fabulous way to catch everyone up!
I feel your disappointment! My parents’ family all live in Michigan as well, and I can already count at least 20 people out of our 150-person guest list who won’t make it (we haven’t sent out invites just yet).
The worst part to me, is, most of FI’s family lives about three hours away, but his mom keeps saying how “not many people are going to come, because it’s so far away.” To me, three hours is NOT so far, so it makes me feel quite hurt when she says that. I suppose the proof will be in the pudding when we start getting RSVPs back.
At the very beginning of the planning, the first time FI’s mom commented about how no one would come, she mentioned throwing a kind of at home reception in his hometown. Now I’m really wishing she’d bring that up again, because it sounds like a perfect way to catch up with the people who can’t make it!
i totally feel you cherry pie. one of my best friends just told me she can’t come to the wedding and i was heartbroken. it must that much more difficult when its your family that can’t attend.
regardless you’ll still have a fabulous wedding and still be able to share with all those friends and mr. cp’s family
Much of my FI’s family live in South Africa and will not be coming to our Florida wedding in October. I think out of everyone he is most disappointed that his brother won’t be there because airline tickets are too expensive, but my feeling is that his brother is 24 years old and if he really wanted to come he could have taken a weekend job waiting tables months ago and saved the money.
I’m sorry you’re so sad and that your relatives can’t attend! We’re inviting close to 400 guests and most live in the town or state our wedding is in. I told FI that we need to start fights with our relatives so they won’t come! I’m only joking, but your day will be great and the people who can make it will make it a great day for you and Mr. CP!
Hang in there, girl. The same thing happened to me. You’ll shed a few tears because where there’s a will there’s a way, but keep your eye on the prize. YOUR MAN! Congratulations.
Just wanted to give you a {HUG}! It will all be okay!
No one from my mom’s side of the family came to my wedding, but they made it worse by not RSVPing either. I was so hurt that I didn’t even call to confirm that they weren’t coming to our wedding. Out of 130 or so invites, we had 75 people at our wedding, including the wedding party and us. I ended up feeling so grateful that the guests who could come traveled the distance to be with us. You’re going to have a wonderful day even if some key people in your life are absent.
I will probably have similar numbers. I actually have a very large family, but only when you start getting into 2nd cousins. So either we put 100+ on the list, or more like 40. His family in the same circle was about 60, and we have invited about 100 friends. I think we might make 100, and none of our grands are coming. His are 3.5 hours away from the site, mine is 7 hours away.
We try to go to family reunions as much as possible to make sure we meet relatives, but it is really hard when my family is a minimum of a 12 hour drive away from where we live now. Comfort yourself with the ones that are there and send lots of pictures later.
We sent out our invites pretty late, but we sent out save the date cards about 9 months in advance if I recall correctly (Miss CP knows how much I suck at chronology though…).
We certainly gave a lot of advance notice that this event was coming, even if we didn’t provide ‘invitation specific’ details until recently (website has been up the whole time, and it was on STDs for what that’s worth)
At least you have family. I have 1 person in my family….
Mr. CP - we sent out STDs as well, in February. For the purpose they supposedly served, it doesn’t seem to have worked.
The first negative RSVP was from my aunt and uncle who live in VA and travel extensively (if you believe their Christmas newsletter), and I was all, “WHAT? They had at LEAST 7 months to plan. It’s not like this was a surprise.” Gosh, I’m such a Debbie Downer regarding this topic, but I just really want to say that Mr. Pants and I know what you’re going through.
Wow, Cherry Pies, you seem to have hit a sore spot for many people. Thank you for sharing your hearts with us readers. We feel for you, and many of us share your sadness.
I will have two blood relatives at my wedding; FH will have six. His family is tiny anyway (his dad is an only child), we’re immigrants, and dysfunctional relationships on both sides mean that biological family will make up less than 2% of the guest list! I will miss my overseas sister and my soon-to-be born niece the most.
Gaby, FWIW, we have found family in our churches. I know we will be surrounded by love on our wedding day even though we will be missing our relatives. I hope that a ‘family’ finds you, too.
Hi CPs. My midwestern family, who received STDs well in advance of our invitations, has responded in a very similar way to yours. What makes it upsetting is the fact that they didn’t let on that they wouldn’t be able to attend months ago. I think having some time to let it sink in and perhaps invite those who we had to cut from our original guest list would have made it easier to take. It sucks. That said, I’ve decided to make lemonade with my lemons. Less people on the guest list means less money on the reception and more room in the budget. I think we’re going to splurge on a couple of things that we removed to cut costs. Like Mrs. Lovebug says, make it quality over quantity and really enjoy the people who are there.
My grandparents refuse to travel as well, which makes me sad since I already have a very very small family. Now my Aunt is also saying that her husband and one of my cousins might not come either!
No matter what, I’m happy I’m getting married in the DC area and not back in my hometown of Ohio. This is where I’ve made my new life with my fiance and our friends.
Other Sarah- I really like your idea of a detailed blog!
Like Miss Cupcake and danathebride I just wanted to give you a {HUG}.
@joyfulgirl, Becky, Miss Cupcake, danathebride, and AliCherri1: Thank you very much for the hugs, ladies! I definitely need them.
So far we have convinced one more uncle to attend and my grandparents on my dad’s side left me a cryptic phone message last night stating a “change of plans,” but not indicating whether this means that they are coming for sure. Here’s hoping!
My fiance’s parents both died before we met, under very tragic circumstances, and he has since been estranged from every member of his family other than his younger brother and his paternal grandmother. We have both assumed that his brother would make the trip to Texas from Colorado, but our biggest fear is that Grandma B won’t make it to our 2010 date. It has been hard enough settling into the fact that I will never have a MIL or BIL, but it breaks my heart to think that he would have no family there.
FIL*
[...] turns out we only need 11 table numbers after my family’s low RSVP count, but I’m not complaining! And I can’t wait to show you what ELSE we’ve been working [...]
I’m in the same situation, except that I was expecting it.
I’m French, my entire family is in France and I am asking them to come over here. I know it’s expensive and I know not many will come and that it’s a huge expense for those who do.
I might have like 8 people from my family.
I wish I could have had everyone there. My 40 family members, but either way we did it one of the side would be missing numbers.
My plan is to bring him to France next year and just have a gathering. It doesn’t even have to be a big party, just a fun family gathering where everyone pinches in with the food preparation and just have a good time.
I talked with my cousins about it, I was even considereing doing a ring blessing or something of the sort with my family there, but my cousins where like: what matters is that we all get together.
You should simply organize a family reunion, no one says you can’t wear your wedding dress again for it 
I totally reccommend the party, since my fiance’s family is German and mine American and we decided on an American wedding we knew for financial reasons and due to health concerns not all of his family and friends would be able to make it to a wedding across the atlantic despite our advanced planning (3 years) so we had sort of an engagement party, low key in a tent in his parents back yard for about 50 people, we bought cases of beer an whine and had a catered meal, the party got a bit more formal when his mother got involved in the planning but in teh end we spent about $2,000 and got to spend time with his family and friends who may not be able to attend the wedding and planned to coordinate with a visit from my parents so it also served as the meeting of our families. It was amazing and totally worth it. You should look into doing a post wedding party, I’m sure things will fal into place in Michigan and you’ll be able to do something low cost and memorable.
I am having a similar experience. I moved to australia from europe 8 years ago. All my relatives live in the UK, but my fiance’s family all live here in Australia. We decided to get married in oz as all our friends are here too. Its turned out that the only family members I will have attending my wedding will be my parents, sister and grandparents. While I’m exceedingly greatful that my grandparents are making the tough journey especially for the wedding, sometimes i wish that more of my family could be there….
[...] Mostly, I am frustrated that I can’t even go to the one place of solace I thought I had had. The hive is comprised of everyday people, with everyday struggles. Just the other day, I found a blog written by someone had to experience one of my major dilemmas: a wedding without my family. [...]
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Miss Cherry Pie, Seattle/Polebridge, Montana
Age and Occupation: 25, Marketing Communications Specialist
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Nurse Practitioner
Engagement Date: August 26, 2006
Wedding Date: September 2008
Blogging Since: April 1, 2008
Venue: A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park
About Me: I think of life as a journey and I love the places it's taking me! I went to school to study Magazine Journalism, ended up with a second major in Japanese language, and now work at a company that makes software for libraries. I love writing, computers, photography, and the great outdoors. I spend most of my time playing Guitar Hero and Rock Band or geeking out online with Mr. Cherry Pie. I'm happiest when I'm on the road, especially traveling abroad, or just nesting quietly at home with my sweetie, who is a fabulous cook and bakes a delicious rendition of a certain cherry-filled dessert!
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