A Letter to My Dear Aunt Flo
August 8th, 2008 @ 1:15 pm by Mrs. Cookie
Dearest Auntie Flo,
I am sorry, but you are not invited to our wedding. I know how much we both enjoy our monthly visits together—even though you have been giving me horrible bloating and cramps lately. Mr. Cookie and I have a love/hate relationship with you! Every time you come to visit, Mr. Cookie has to rub my belly and says I become very irritable. 
But we both like that your visit indicates we will not be welcoming newly baked cookies to the family, just yet!
Recently, it seems like you keep pushing back your monthly visit. Your September visit is nudging closer and closer to our wedding date. I apologize, but during our wedding I just cannot accommodate your demands. Having my bridesmaid lift up my wedding dress, while I try to change a tampon, is just not an experience that I want to share with them. I also want my hormones at a steady level; I am already going to be emotional as is! In addition, Mr. Cookie and I would also like to get to know one another, in the biblical sense, if you know what I mean. 
We just can’t do “it” with you coming between us.
So, for the sake of our wedded bliss, can you please schedule your visit before the wedding? By your November visit, I will have beautiful pictures of the wedding to show you.
It would be ever so helpful for you to comply with my demand! Even though your visit will not to be able to ruin our wedding day, I prefer that you not attend.
Hope to see you earlier rather than later,
Miss Cookie
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64 Responses to “A Letter to My Dear Aunt Flo”
hahahaha. i love that mr. mango has the first comment on this.
I am WITH you. Unfortuantely due to some major health issues (experienced in the past 3 weeks no less, after 33+ years of great health!) I have no idea when my Auntie Flow is appearing. So I am just praying that she has mercy.
lol hilarious
eeeeep! can you imagine if she did visit? I am worried about the same issue… I will keep my fingers (and every other limb) crossed for you. and YES, I too find it hilarious that Mr. Mango commented first, it’s so nice to have a man around for perspective!
God, tell me about it. My current extrapolations (considering I’m 9 mths out), predicts that my own aunt will be arriving the DAY BEFORE my wedding!
Cannot happen.
This might be a dumb or too personal question - but is no one on the pill? According to my schedule Aunt Flo should be accompanying us on our honeymoon, but as she is not invited… I’ll just keep her away by not skipping a week of pills…
@kpenn: This only works with some pills (monophasic) for some people… but I did it for years before I got an IUD!
hahah, that’s awesome. also, kpenn, that usually works best if you start doing it a few months in advance, otherwise it will usually still show up…
i’m on depo shots and don’t get mine. unless i’m under a lot of stress! for some reason, that just brings it on.
lol! so hilarious!! 
i have been thinking the same thing for the past two weeks.
also, mr mango your comment is making me lol
“newly baked cookies”?!?!? I nearly fell off my chair at work!
Good luck!
sometimes the “skipping that week” doesn’t work, so it is better to alter it ahead of time…one of my close relatives (back in the day) got hers the day of her wedding…bless her heart…and of course she was still a v*****
Hopefully this works out for you. Mine was not supposed to come for visit the week of my wedding but (I think b/c of stress) it came anyway, almost two weeks early!!! I was bummed. But it forced me to deal with my dress on my own in the bathroom which was nice to figure out. Plus the bathroom at the venue had complimentary tampons and when I ent to get one they were almost gone. I went back to the table and mentioned to my sister that I couldn’t belive they were all gone int he first half hour of the reception and she said “Oh here” and opened her purse and there they all were. She had pocketed most of them. Classy.
Oh my goodness, I was in a pissy mood and that actually put a smirk on my face. Thank you. Aunt Flo is the reason I asked my MOH to perform a not so typical MOH duty….. She prescribes and gives me depo since she’s a PA. I love her. I haven’t seen Auntie since late December/early January. I don’t miss that witch, she was a real thorn in my side. 
hahhahaha….love it
ps - aunt flo - take mercy on me and let mine end just in time to enjoy my special day!
I have planned ahead. I did the math on my calendar and saw that I was set to start my period on my wedding day… so I am going to skip my sugar pills for two months so I know I will be “visitor” free until after the honeymoon. Hooray!
I was literally laughing out loud while reading this and my (male) boss walks by and says, “If it’s that funny then forward it to me” and then I laughed even harder!!! haha!
Aw. I feel your pain. Mine monthly visitor did the same thing in the months leading up to our wedding, and … she did make an appearance on the big day. I was horrified by the thought of having to have a bridesmaid life up my dress so I could change my tampon, but I managed to do it myself. It was no fun, but looking back, it didn’t spoil the day a bit. Even so, here’s hoping you have better luck than I did!
hahaha… time for the Diva Cup?
HAHAHAHHAH!!! Love it.
How weird is this? I am on Nuva Ring and my fiance has figured out my scheduling so that i’m only adjusting by 1 or 2 days a month so that Flo wont be visiting, AND I wont have to worry about homormone (read mood) effects from shoving myself off track by a week all at once.
Anyone else have a groom really REALLY involved with the planning?
LOL….this is hilarious! Very well put. Thanks for the laugh - but I really do wish you and Aunt Flo the best of luck on your big day!
I am on the pill and skipping doesn’t work for everyone… so I found during my trial run in June. disastrous.
ugh! Me too! My schedule was totally good a couple months out, and then it started creeping a litle so that now it looks like I’ll be having my worst cramps on the wedding day. UGH. I am not on the pill, so I can do nothing.
Omg, trying to mess with the pill is HORRIBLE! You get.. um… how should I say this? Bad… stuff…for, like, an entire week. It’s better to just get your period and get it over with, seriously. Mine’s due to arrive the first day of my honeymoon. Sigh.
Yep, if you don’t have the right kind of pill skipping your placebo week will not work. Don’t try skipping with Ortho Tricyclen Lo, it will not work, please just take my word for it.
best. post. ever!
Thanks for giving me a laugh today!
skipping the sugar pills doesn’t work for me either.
this is awesome, i think i’ll forward your letter to my ‘aunt’, she definitely needs to read this!!
ah yes, I must say that I approached my gyno about 4 mos ahead of time in an attempt to outdo Aunt Flo. She had been showing up unannounced and then overstaying her welcome.
I can’t take the pill, but he gave me the option of having the Depo shot or taking another hormone shot (i can’t remember what though– sorry!)
I took the second shot and it worked like a charm– up until the day of my wedding. Dang. Oh well. She didn’t ruin the day.
I read once on the knot, that parsley (really?) actually worked for someone to start a bit early to avoid crummy timing… Eating a bunch, I guess.
I’m not gonna lie, this is a HUGE fear of mine. We haven’t nailed down a date yet, but I am SET on scheduling it AROUND my carefully mapped out visits. So when people ask, “So why did you pick this date?” I can tell them, “WELL I was working around visitor accommodations…”
@Starry-Eyed Barefoot Bride: that’s HYSTERICAL. I actually just laughed out loud, and usually when I say something’s funny, I don’t actually laugh about it.
I tried the skip a week thing…however my normally CLOCKWORK aunt came a week EARLY and did not LEAVE until after the wedding. What the heck? Your body is going to be so stressed out those few weeks around the wedding that you really cant control it.
As a follow up. It will NOT ruin your day. You won’t notice it and if you have “relations” it tends to stem the flow.
thank you for some levity! thanks to a prior wedding bee post, i discovered a while ago that this is something to think about, so i was prepared and am on the kind of pill where skipping is ok, but between the wedding and the honeymoon, had to do some careful counting to figure out when to skip! to help smooth out any bumps, i started the adjustment almost two months out from the big day so hormone levels could settle back out.
OMG I think I piddled myself just now.
If you use any kind of birth control pill/ring, it IS clinically safe to skip the sugar pills and just start a new pack or if you’re using a ring to take it our after 3 weeks and replace with a new one right after.
@Jessica: that’s 100% true girl! 2 tablespoons a couple times a day is what I did a few years ago for a big trip and it worked.
I too am due to get my period ON my wedding day. It’s just a day. I will live. Right?
Skipping the sugar pills NEVER worked for me. I don’t take bc anymore (nor do I want to). But I did read about a progesterone-only pill you can take at the end of your cycle to delay your period by a few days (it doesn’t offer contraceptive benefits, however). I am going to my doc on Tuesday to ask about it. Has anyone heard about this or used this?
You may want to try a divacup instead of tampons. I’ve been using a divacup for years now and have NEVER had a leak… plus they are reusable so you are using one thing each month and not generating waste. Google divacup or mooncup.
You may want to try a divacup instead of tampons. I’ve been using a divacup for years now and have NEVER had a leak… plus they are reusable so you are using one thing each month and not generating waste. Google divacup or mooncup.
You may want to try a divacup instead of tampons. I’ve been using a divacup for years now and have NEVER had a leak… plus they are reusable so you are using one thing each month and not generating waste. Google divacup or mooncup.
Oops, sorry for the triple posting. Next time I’ll be patient.
LOL, this is hilarious - and I can completely understand what you’re going through!
dude, it makes me so happy that people here are mentioning diva cups. i’ll never go back either!
i started my period the day before my wedding. we dealt with it, but we were *not* happy about it, and i was in pain after the ceremony. it sucked.
Love this post. I was laughing while reading it because you said everything I was thinking. I have been stressing about it for a couple months lol.
Oh so true. This is the main reason I’m considering going on the pill– not for birth control reasons, but holding back the “crimson wave” (as the Mr. affectionately terms it)!
Besides, I lose all sense of self-esteem starting about a week previous. I shudder to think what would happen if that week was the one leading up to our wedding! :/
@Michelle: @Kellbell: @clarita: totally agree - skipping pills is NOT a guaranteed way of skipping a ride on the cotton pony! I tried that (starting three months before) a two-month backpacking trip in Europe. And you know what? I had it THE ENTIRE FREAKING TIME. By the time I got back, I was anemic, and totally convinced that I would never refer that method to anyone, again! :p I’m due to end mine right before the wedding, but if I don’t, no biggie. I’d rather inconvenience my bridesmaids than ruin our entire honeymoon!
so hilarious! i also mentally wrote a letter very similar before our wedding day just about 2 months ago. she very graciously appeared a week later. now we are getting ready to take our belated honeymoon and i just hope she decides to visit a week before. that way i have a flat tummy in the two piece….and don’t have to cry at the drop of a hat…hee hee
MrsDavis: Do we have the same sister? LOL.
ME TOO! I was to be a week early and 3 months out I’m running late…meaning I’ll probably have it! GREEEAT…another issue to deal with.
this is absolutely hysterical, Miss Cookie! Very VERY creative!
PS - considering talking to your gyn - you might be able to take a week’s worth of pills to hold off your period. While I can’t guarantee what this will do for your irritability, it will certainly prevent tampon usage and allow for traditional wedding night festivities
[...] A Letter to My Dear Aunt Flo by Miss Cookie [...]
@Shasha: Parsley? Really? Like as in parsley juice? or fresh? or the dried herb from the container? Fascinating.
ha ha ha! i worried about the same thing. but i think with the stress it completely stopped all the way through the honeymoon and the day we got back.. she visited. she can be good to you sometimes.
I think this is a worry for every bride! For me, having irregular months makes it difficult to plan out months ahead, so we’ll see. Crossing fingers that my Aunt Flo doesn’t decide to make an appearance on the Day or during the Honeymoon!
Oh dear. We must know the same Aunt Flow. I also was due to get mine on the day of, this coming Sunday the 31st. It came yesterday - nothing like sharing your period arrival date with a bunch of strangers!
I think stress and a little over-working out helped. And - perhaps - a little begging to Dear Aunt Flow (she’s such a biotch).
Best to you. Hope it all worked out.
Heather
[...] we ditch the hook for nimble, little fingers instead to avoid breaking the delicate eyelets. (Aunt Flo—remember my words of caution, because once I am in this dress I am not getting out of it until [...]
Mrs. Cookie, Denver
Age and Occupation: 25, Nonprofit Fundraiser/Theatre Designer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Financial Analyst
Engagement Date: September 2007
Wedding Date: September 2008
Blogging Since: May 8, 2008
Venue: Ten Mile Station
About Me: With a degree in Theatre I never realized that planning a wedding was a lot like Theatre Management, until I started planning my own. I am a coffee addict, especially Starbucks' Grande Mochas, yummy! I love to cook (especially chocolate chip cookies for my honey), travel to exotic places, and be creative. As a couple, Mr. Cookie and I are extremely practical, down to earth, and children at heart. We live in a cozy abode with our adorable Pomeranian, and love to play board games and watch movies into the evening.
LOL. This truly makes being a groom blogger ever so rewarding