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As our invites have now gone out, and our final guest count is about 100 people larger then what we were aiming for, a concern came up between both sides of our family. In Mr. H’s Hispanic culture, it is not unlikely for invited guests to bring along uninvited friends with them to the reception. At Hispanic parties, the more, the merrier.
Unfortunately, we will not be able to afford for this at our wedding, and the room for the reception is already nearing its max capacity. And although the invitation stated an “Adult Reception,” Mr. H’s mom is still worried that her family will not understand this and they will show up with their children.
After MUCH discussion (heated, at times), Mr. H decided that it would be best for us to send out an individual card to our guests in order to clarify that we unfortunately only have room for invited guests. He also wanted to be sure that the note was in both Spanish and English, so this is what we came up with last night:
English: We are looking forward to
celebrating our wedding with you
on September 27, 2008!
To be sure that there is no
confusion, we ask that you please
do not bring children or any
guests that were not listed on the
invitations to the reception. Due
to limited seating, attendees with
children and uninvited guests will
be asked to leave at the door.
We appreciate all of your
cooperation and can’t wait to see
you next month!
Spanish:¡Esperamos celebrando nuestra boda con
usted en el 27 de septiembre de 2008!
Para estar seguro que no hay
confusión, nosotros requerimos que haga
el favor de no traer niños y ningúna otra
persona que no fuera enlistados en las
invitaciones a la recepción. Debido a
asientos limitados, los asistentes con
Niños y personas no convidados serán
permitidas en el salon.
¡Apreciamos toda su cooperación y
esperamos su presencia para verle el mes
próximo!
Mr. H’s mom decided how the Spanish version would be worded after I came up with the English side. I was super hesitant to send these out, but Mr. H and his mom feel that this would be one further precaution we could take to curb any uninvited guests showing up for the wedding.
Have any of you had to worry about uninvited guests attending your wedding? How did you keep things from getting out of control?
It seems like people might take these the wrong way? Mr. H probably knows his family best, but wouldn’t a personal phone call from him or his mom be better?
Is there maybe a gentler way to say “asked to leave at the door”? How about “not permitted entrance to the venue”?
I totally get why you need to do this (and I’m sure it will save you some unnecessary headache on the day of the wedding) - just thinking there might be a softer/gentler way to word it.
Good luck! This is a tough one - but sounds like it has to be done.
Wow… the wording “asked to leave at the door!?” sounds really harsh… maybe you could leave that part out… Ive you’ve already sent them out I wouldn’t stress but if not I’d seriously re-consider re-wording that part
How about “attendees with children and uninvited guests cannot be accommodated”?
I totally understand your position, too. I don’t want a repeat of my parents’ wedding (200 invited, and approx. 425 showed up!)
I think you know your situation best and if people are not willing to take the hint then I think this is your best option.
I’ll def think about re-wording the English invite - it’s ultimately up to him! I originally wanted them to call their relatives, but he and his mom still thought this wouldn’t help as much. I feel pretty tacky sending them out at all 
Chinese wedding banquets are also big, raucous, usually RSVP-less affairs, so I empathize with your concern. I wonder, though, if there’s a softer way of saying this? Something short and sweet like “Unfortunately, because of space constraints, we regret that we are unable to accommodate children and uninvited guests.”
First, I don’t envy you in this situation. I am sure it was heartbreaking to everyone involved to have to create something like this.
I think that as American brides, we can often be a bit etiquette obsessed. This is a situation that most of us are not familiar with, so I think that Mr. H and his mom probably know what is best when addressing this cultural difference. It seems to me that they feel you need to be very direct with your Hispanic guests, or they will not get the message.
Great job on the additional card.
i agree with cassoftroy’s opinion when she said that miss hydrangea knows her situation best. combine that with that her FMIL was in charge of the wording, i think they did everything they did to make sure their point got across tactfully but clearly. seeing as how she was hesitant about the wording to begin with and, i believe, has already sent these out, being less critical of the word choice really would be more supportive in this case.
My husband’s family is also hispanic and they definately took this “more the merrier” route too, inviting the uninvited at the last minute, verbally. You know your guest list best, but I agree that this may be best handled through a firm, but polite, phone call. Probably by you or your fiance so the message doesn’t get confused or watered down. my husband’s side of the family completely disregarded all written, formal communications.
“Debido a
asientos limitados, los asistentes con
Niños y personas no convidados serán
permitidas en el salon.”
Aren’t you missing.. NO seran permitidas…I’m not sure what “no convidados” mean…I speak and write spanish but still doesn’t make sense to me. I know that spanish varies from country to country so …sorry if the negative is already there. Just checkin’.
P.S. Yes, I limited my mom’s guest list…she has lots of Hispanic friends and I saw that coming a mile away…it always happens.
Good luck Miss H.
I agree with endb, would it be better for your fiance’s mom to speak to the family instead of being asked to leave at the door? My fiance and I are both Mexican and for those couple of people that might think they can bring uninvited guests…we’re just having another family member speak to them.
Sorry for the triple post but:
“Esperamos CELEBRAR nuestra boda…”
reads better to me. JMO
@V: Good catch! I’ll have to check with Mr. H on the rest of your suggestion because I have no clue (they tend to use a lot of slang).
i think its a good idea. I have the same issues and have been telling this tp people in person.I like your format.. it is a classy way to alert folks that this is not your traditional hispanic free for all party…
I do have a non-snarky constructive criticism. I think the spanish needs a bit of editing since it goes against your intent. the last lines actually say:
Attendees with children and persons not invited WILL BE permitted into the ballroom
We appreciate all your cooperation and hope for your presence to see them next month
there are a few other glitches that maybe someone can check for you. Good luck!
yea!! I am Puerto Rican and it is def like that. People assume that its okay to bring kids because they think that you didnt mean their kids. I am going through this now and its only my engagement party. Now some people said they wont come because their kids cant. I just dont get it. Weddings, Showers and other parties related to weddings were for adults. Atleast thats the way that I was raised. Hang in there!!!
I agree with ‘V’… I just read the traslation to Spanish, and I think it must say:
“Para estar seguroS DE que no hay
confusión, nosotros requerimos que haga
el favor de no traer niños y ningUna otra
persona que no fuera ENLISTADO en las
invitaciones a la recepción. Debido a
asientos limitados, los asistentes con
Niños y personas no convidados NO serán
permitidas en el salon. ”
I hope it help you… Good luck!
A co-worker of mine who was recently married would have LOVED you for this suggestion. Her wedding was overburdened with a HUGE barrage of uninvited guests. Yikes!
I say it was a good call - and very politely worded.
I disagree with Shay:
In the hispanic culture (at least mine) weddings etc. are a family event. It’s totally cool if you don’t want kids there, but it is erroneous to assume that these events are “adult” in nature. Unless there will be some XXX action going on at the wedding, I don’t see how it is an “adult” event.
About the card:
I thought this was a joke when I read this. Then I realized that you weren’t kidding.
I get the whole “more the merrier concept” and how problematic it can be. I am just saying that this is plain rude though. You are setting yourself up for a reception were everyone will be too afraid to do anything inappropriate so they are going to be sitting quietly afraid to move. It sounds like your guest list is A LOT like mine was. My guests were in no way dumb or uncouth (which is what that note hints at). If I got this in the mail, I would be really offended. I would at least hope that you are sending these out to your guests as well, so the offense will be to both sides of the guest rather than just the hispanic ones.
For my wedding I had a RSVP card that read ” total number of invited guest ____”. We did not have a problem. But you already sent these out right?
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Mrs. Hydrangea, Dallas Age and Occupation: 26, Administrative Assistant Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Network Analyst Engagement Date: June 2007 Wedding Date: September 2008 Blogging Since: January 14, 2008 Venue: Catholic Church and Reception at The W Hotel About Me: Mr. H and I come from very different cultures and backgrounds so I'm excited to plan our wedding with a balance of both traditions. My mom has always been a DIY queen, and I'm just now starting to get into it with a new house and a wedding to plan!
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