The Bedding Down
August 11th, 2008 @ 3:29 pm by Mrs. Avocado
While researching Polish traditions that we could potentially incorporate into the wedding, I stumbled across a fascinating book in the folklore section of my university library. I was pumped to see it had an entire section devoted to Polish wedding traditions. The excerpt I share below is definitely ancient and I have been assured by a few different Poles that no one does this anymore, but it’s so hilarious that I couldn’t resist sharing it with all of you.
Pokładziny- The Bedding Down:
In ancient times, putting the bridal pair to bed was a normal and expected part of the marriage customs, and was done with much joking and hilarity. The young couple were directed by the entire wedding party to a room that had been specially prepared for them. The swat, still overseeing that all went according to custom, placed himself on the marriage bed to “warm it up”. The womenfolk jumped up and down on the bed to make sure it could hold up and not break down. Rocks or sharp straw or thorns might have been placed underneath the sheets. The swat and swata then chased everyone out of the room and took the bride and groom to the bed and left them alone. The door was locked behind them and after serenading the bridal couple with some very warm and bawdy songs, along with vodka toasts and admonitions “not to be lazy,” the couple were left alone.
The next morning, musicians awaken the couple and gave them kasza cooked in milk and vodka that had been dyed red as a sign of lost virginity. The sheets were inspected for the expected stain that meant the loss of virginity. This made everybody happy and was the cause of more singing and dancing.
From “Polish Customs, Traditions and Folklore” by Sophie Hodorowicz Knab
At my wedding there will be no warnings against being lazy, and the best man isn’t coming anywhere near our hotel room to warm things up for us.
’Fess up my friends, are there any traditions in your own culture that have you shaking your head in bewilderment?
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22 Responses to “The Bedding Down”
Various incarnations of “putting the couple to bed” are common in most ancient societies. This was basically “the point of no return” where neither bride nor groom could back out of the marriage contract. Marriage was not a love match. It was a business transaction and proof that the bride was a virgin was part of that contract. The groom’s family in a jovial, fun, light-hearted way is really making sure they got what they paid for.
In Medieval Europe, high-ranking brides would have their virgin bed-sheet hung from the highest turret like a flag of the castle to prove to the villagers the groom’s virility and the bride’s chastity. She was now officially lady of the castle and recognized by her new people as such.
the virginity stuff is distasteful to my modern feminist sensibilities, but the jumping on the bed “to make sure it’s strong enough” is pretty hilarious.
I will have a pretty much 100% Polish wedding in two weeks from now. I also have guests flying in from Poland, including my dad. We will do some of the traditional stuff. Example: Welcoming with bread and salt, family blessing…etc. Nothing to crazy tho since both of us are up to date on things. Food will be semi-Polish since eating pierogi and stuff cabbage on my wedding day is not classy enough for my taste. 
It must pretty much suck for those brides who don’t really bleed when they lose their virginity. Not to be crass, but I certainly didn’t get any blood on the sheets.
@Shelbystar: That. Is. HORRIFYING. Like someone else said, not everyone bleeds! OMGG how embarrassing.
Lol. Hilarious. Maybe you can have someone take pictures too! The only reason that wasn’t tradition is because they didn’t exist yet.
shhh, don’t let my FMIL read this! She is part Polish (as is my own mother) but keeps insisting on all these Polish traditions. I would oblige if they were family traditions too, but I think she googles them, then insisits we have to incorporate them!
Hehehe Loved this!
A while back, I came across a description of why the groom stands on the right and why there is a best man. Apparently it had something to do with grabbin’ the unknowning bride while on horseback - the groom had to hold her with his left so that he could keep his right hand free for his sword. He’d bring along his best friend to fight along side him! Hahaha! I have no idea how true this is, but I got such a chuckle picturing my then-fiance convincing his brother (BM) to go along with his plot to steal me on horseback!
um… wow. I had heard of this but your description is too hilarious (and terrifying!) for words!
@Barbara: I LOVe learning about the traditions of other cultures. Yes, it can seem weird, but I think if you take away the sexuality of the moment, it’s cool to engage in a tradition that has been around for hundreds of years!
@Shelbystar: Very interesting Shelby, are you a history buff?
@Izabela: Yeah, I didn’t want a Polish wedding bad enough to do the cabbage either, although I loved Pierogi while I was in Poland!
@Kelli: Mr. Avocado would totally say you are right. Although I can see the appeal of documenting the bedding down experience…..
@Erin: Amazing Erin! Whether it is true or not, I love the “urban legends” that you can find about wedding traditions.
@Miss Avocado: Yes I LOVE history. Mostly weird obscure history as evidenced by my little nugget about Medieval bride sheets. lol
Heee-larious! I actually HAVE this book at home and told my mom to bring it with her this weekend when she comes to visit. I love how everything Polish always has an element of vodka in it. (Ooh, and for the record, if I could have cabbage at my wedding, I SO totally would.) 
@shelbystar: I’m English, so I will have to remember that one for my wedding
@miss avocado: it’s fascinating what things have stood the test of time!
@Barbara:
We have the English to thank for the honeymoon!
The Honeymoon:
Honeyed Moon. Few know that the term honeymoon is a specific reference to mead, originating from a medieval English tradition that after any wedding ceremony, nuptial couples were given a month’s supply of mead, enough for one full cycle of the moon. It was believed that by faithfully drinking mead for the first month the bride would “bear fruit” and a child would be born within the year. If, indeed the woman conceived, success was attributed to the skill of the mead maker. The ability to produce life was believed to be imparted through the indulgence of the gods of heaven: honey for their mead.
[...] The Bedding Down By Miss Avocado In ancient times, putting the bridal pair to bed was a normal and expected part of the marriage customs, and was done with much joking and hilarity. The young couple were directed by the entire wedding party to a room that had been … Weddingbee - http://www.weddingbee.com [...]
Great story, Miss Avocado. I love hearing about all these different cultural traditions too.
Thanks for the bit about honeymoons, Shelbystar, I had been meaning to look that up…
If you think that’s terrifying you should read about the Borgias. Rodrigo Borgia (Pope Alexander VI) was actually in the room when one of his sons had his bedding ceremony. He just chatted with his friends while the new couple consumated their marriage!
@Just Visiting: Oh my! That is a terrifying piece of history/folklore if I have ever heard one!
[...] Note: You will not be shaking with laughter while reading this post (as I am during the composing of it) unless you have read this post first. [...]
Mrs. Avocado, Seattle
Age and Occupation: 23, Student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Consultant
Engagement Date: July 27, 2008
Wedding Date: October, 2008
Blogging Since: June 30, 2008
Venue: LDS Seattle Temple & Hotel 1000
About Me: Somehow this little farm girl found herself a genuine Pole to fall in love and eventually move away to Poland with. I am an LDS bride attempting to plan a private religious ceremony, ring ceremony, seated reception for 100, and an open house while coordinating for guests flying in from across the United States and as far away as Poland. I try to avoid fads, excess waste, and saturated fat. I strongly endorse photography, DDR, calorie counting, rss feeds, cooking, and utilizing your resources.
my sister-in law married an indian guy, and they did the first part of the tradition after their nikkah. the bed was decorated and we ate cake up therewith 20 other people. kinda weird!!