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Lately, there has been quite a discussion about children at weddings. Here’s my two cents: Whether to have an adult only gathering or one filled with children, I think is a very personal decision for each couple. Me, I am riding the fence. Although, I’ve been to more than one wedding where a screaming baby disrupted the ceremony, I’m bummed because we are not having a flower girl, ring bearer, or any children attending our wedding, at all. 
It wasn’t planned this way.
We actually had a kids’ menu and babysitter waiting in the wings, but all invitees with children declined. What I am really kind of bummed about is that there will be no flower girl and ring bearer at our wedding. None of our married friends have children and our relatives have infants. We did ask a couple, that are close friends with my mother, who have age appropriate kids. Then, they found out they were pregnant and that the baby was due around our wedding date. Rightfully so, they declined. We were left without any options.
I was in so many weddings as a kid—mainly a flower girl, although, I did get to be a junior bridesmaid once. Above is a photo of my dad and me as a junior bridesmaid dancing at my second cousin’s wedding circa 1990. Oh, early 90’s fashion, you gotta love it!
But the point is that we at least wanted a flower girl and ring bearer at our wedding. Without any kiddos, I’m a little bummed that I didn’t get to go shopping for a cute flower girl outfit or design a really fashionable ring pillow. That being said, I am kind of glad there aren’t any kiddos coming—no possible ceremony disruptions. See, total fence rider!
Bees, as this is a sensitive topic for most, I ask that you please keep your comments civil and non-judgmental.
Why did you decide to have an adult only wedding or one filled with children? Or are you riding the fence about inviting children?
We did a combo. Nieces and nephews as flower girls ring bearers. They stayed for the cocktail party but went home before the (8 PM ) reception. I didn’t like the idea of kids running around when people were drinking and it was late and the kids would be tired. My nieces and nephews, as a group, are very rowdy. I second guessed this decision, but anytime I was around them at night and observed their behavior when tired, I was happy I made the decision I did 
We’re kinda in the middle. . . we have a ringbearer (fiance’s godchild - he’ll be 2 1/2 and he’s my favorite little guy in the world) and a flowergirl (technically our flowerbaby since she’ll only be a year old for the wedding, but I’m holding out in hopes my godchild will be walking at the time - otherwise we’ll have a backup plan on how to get her down the aisle). They’ll be the only kids at the wedding but that’s only because they’re the only kids we really know. Everyone else in the family who has kids either won’t be able to make it or their kids aren’t really kids anymore.
We don’t have a flower girl or ring bearer b/c there were not age-appropriate kids that we wanted for this either. That said, my nephew will be there, four young cousins, one newborn neice, and one cousin from out of states 1 year old. I still discouraged (and acutally had to demand in some cases) not bringning children. i think it’s okay to have a few, but we could have potentially had 58 more and that’s just proposterous!
We love kids and think it’s important for them to witness love and commitment. And for us, a joyful day isn’t complete without the laughter of children. One of my favorite pics from our wedding is of a group of kids rolling down the grassy hill. Awesome! I wanted to join them!
We didn’t have kids IN the wedding (which my 12-year-old cousin is still complaining about), but we invited all the kids.
So, we had about 25 people under the age of 21, and we could have it no other way. Kids are a big aspect of my family.
However, my fiance did not include kids in his invites, only because that would have meant that he went way over the 80 max we had allotted for his side (80), my side (80), and friends (80).
Most of the kids in our families are older tweens or teens, and they will be invited. The only real youngin’ we’ll have is our friend’s baby, who will be about a year at that point, so a bit too wee to be included in the ceremony.
We LOVE children, but we’ve decided to only allow the children that will be in the ceremony to attend the reception. Since both of these children are pretty much the ONLY children in our families outside of two infants that makes it pretty easy and they are really accostomed to being around adults.
However, I could have gone either way. For us, we have a lot of friends that REALLY like to party so I think having children there probably isn’t the best of ideas. In fact, that just made me think that I should really warn my grandparents ahead of time! ha! 
We aren’t having a ring bearer or flower girl but if we did I’d want one like this: http://offbeatbride.com/2008/08/adult-male-flower-girl
We are having a child friendly wedding (with a separate kids room and a lot of nannies!). To answer your question - why did I decide to invite kids - For us, our wedding is about family, and family usually means kids. Plus, we are some of the last of our friends to get hitched, so a lot of them have kids. And finally, it is a 100% destination wedding - we decided that if our guests were going to be taking vaca time from work and spending $$ on plane tickets, rental cars, and hotels - if they want it to be a family vacation, that that is fine with us. We are just so honored they are making the trip. Similar to Miss Cookie, we have had a lot of friends decide to leave their kids at home, which is also totally fine with us.
We’re including kids because it’s a destination event at the beach. We are also renewing our vows and have one (maybe two by then!) daughter and all our friends have kids, so nobody could make it if we didn’t invite the kiddos.
I love the Flower Man idea! LOL. We are not having kids at our wedding at the end of the month and as a result had a few guests who couldn’t (wouldn’t?) come. At the 11th hour though I have had to let one 4 year old attend through dinner. Do what you like! I took some heat for it, but I wouldn’t take it back.
It’s better than the wedding I went to in April. They put in BOLD on their invite “Adults only please” and then there were more than a dozen kids and infants at the wedding!!! It was ridiculous. I’ve never seen so many tikes at a wedding!!
I didn’t have kids at the wedding not because of any other reason than numbers. There were really only a couple options for venues and due to my mother’s large family, we couldn’t really have many kids (although some managed to bring their kids anyway) bc we were at capacity number wise. It was sad and stressful as many made me feel guilty about it. as a child I loved going to weddings and being in them. If the situation had been different I would have said come one come all. Kids are so much fun on the dance floor. However, like you said, this is a personal decision and I think people should respect whatever the bride and groom and their families decide.
We didn’t ride the fence at all. So many of our friends and family have small children, and we LOVE our nieces and nephews. We would have missed them. Yes, it was disappointing that everyone left earlier than they would have pre-kids. But, I’m sure they would have left even earlier if their kids were home with a babysitter. While we would have preferred the throw-down, late-night party that our friends had years ago, not inviting children doesn’t magically throw everyone back to their college years.
It’s not for everyone when the 3-yr old daughter of the best man hugs his leg through the ceremony, or when the school-aged kids throw balloons at us during our recession down the aisle (not even in our wedding colors! ). But we didn’t mind. In fact, everyone was on their best behavior. I think it was really helpful that we had an adjacent room with kids activities, which turned out to be a very helpful “cry room” during the ceremony.
However, we did not have flower girls or ring bearers. I’ve been to too many weddings where those roles resulted in nothing but fuss and tears.
We’re including the kiddies. As others have mentioned, people will be doing a bit of traveling to come to the wedding, so having a no kids policy would have been quite the burden for our guests. A lot of people are turning our wedding into their family summer vacation, which I think is wonderful — it means they’re coming! Plus, most of my fiance’s cousins are still kids and we would have felt terrible excluding them.
Lastly, I went to a ton of weddings when I was a kid and I remember having so much fun at them. I got to dance and stay up late. Wow!
Wow, we have the exact same situation, including upcoming pregnancy of mother of the possible flower girl! I was going to post on this very soon too. I’m bummed out, but maybe something will present itself closer to the wedding… I hope.
We had 2 flowergirls (my nieces) and that was it for people under 12 years of age. We arranged it that way mostly due to space limitations although I also was concerned about crying babies during the ceremony and little fingerprints in the cake’s icing, etc.
We had a venue that could seat 160 people comfortable so we invited 200 people but drew the line at first cousins and that almost automatically accomplished the no kids rule and took care of the space concerns. In terms of friends with little ones we just asked our parents and wedding party to politely spread the word!
We’re not having kids. Our reception is an 8pm cocktail party and dance. It’s not an appropriate event for them. Also, both of us have very little tolerance for poorly behaved kids, and when they’re present en masse, there’s bound to be some misbehaving.
There are a couple kids in my family that it would be fun to have there, but all in all, I think it’s the right decision for us.
we had initially not invited any kiddos, except our only niece, who will be just shy of 3. rather than stress out about getting her to walk down the aisle, we’re calling her the unofficial flower girl. she’ll attend and be cute - that’s her job.
now that we’re receiving RSVPs, the questions are coming in from a small group of people we know with kids. at this point, we have the space, despite a very small guest list, but are letting the parents in question know that there will not be many children there and are letting them make the decision on their own whether or not to bring theirs.
thankfully, the kiddos in question are all relatively well behaved and have adventurous enough palates to eat the food we have, so we’re lucky. overall, it is a very personal decision and no one solution is right for everyone.
We aren’t close to any ring bearer / flower girl age kids, so we knew we wouldn’t be having any in the wedding. For us, this was no big thing - a couple less things to plan for. But when it came down to guest lists, we are similar to MissBanana. So for us, that means no kids. Now if someone shows up with their kids, ok - but we aren’t inviting them.
I agree that it is a very personal decision and what I don’t get is why everyone feels the need to not only toss in their 2 cents but then to REALLY argue their point or tell me we are wrong in our choice! I think my most hated thing is when people assume (out loud) that we aren’t having kids at the wedding because I am afraid they will ruin my moment. ummm..no. And frankly that just makes me mad.
I’ll keep my answer simple. I just REALLY like kids. Especially little ones (which are the ones coming to the wedding). When they are around I can’t keep my eyes off them- they are just too adorable!
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Mrs. Cookie, Denver Age and Occupation: 25, Nonprofit Fundraiser/Theatre Designer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Financial Analyst Engagement Date: September 2007 Wedding Date: September 2008 Blogging Since: May 8, 2008 Venue: Ten Mile Station About Me: With a degree in Theatre I never realized that planning a wedding was a lot like Theatre Management, until I started planning my own. I am a coffee addict, especially Starbucks' Grande Mochas, yummy! I love to cook (especially chocolate chip cookies for my honey), travel to exotic places, and be creative. As a couple, Mr. Cookie and I are extremely practical, down to earth, and children at heart. We live in a cozy abode with our adorable Pomeranian, and love to play board games and watch movies into the evening.
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