Elephants, Zebras, and Llamas, Oh My!
August 19th, 2008 @ 10:34 am by Mrs. Margarita
We are officially less than 2 weeks away from the wedding day! We’ve been planning this sucker since last March and we’re SO tired! Our wedding planning process has been filled with emotional highs and lows. If you told me a year ago that I’d be crying and angry about the cost of flowers and cake, I wouldn’t have been able to believe it. I can’t tell you how many times this year I’ve uttered the phrase “I just can’t wait until this is over.” Yup, I can be a drama queen. 
Growing up you are led to believe that a wedding is all about the couple getting married. Realistically for South Asian brides (and for many other cultures I’m sure) weddings are about families joining together. Every person has an opinion about what you should do. Not only do you have to consider your parents’ opinions, you oftentimes have to think about grandparents, aunties & uncles (the real and fake), brothers, sisters, and cousins. On top of that, you have to make sure that you are respecting your culture and religion. For me, that involves respecting both Sri Lankan and Indian culture as well as the Buddhist and Hindu traditions. I’m not for a second complaining about our rich cultures and religions or our wonderful and well-meaning families. I love that our wedding encompasses so much history, life and love. We are who we are because of our families, our religions and our cultures, and our wedding wouldn’t be “us” without it. It is just truly overwhelming sometimes to try and consider all of it when you are planning a wedding. How can you fit so much and please so many in just a few hours on one day?
On top of all of that, the wedding industry is incredible. The flowers, cakes, chairs and tables are so gorgeous and the creativity is truly inspiring. People put so much thought and time into making weddings special. Who would have thought that you could really worry about the stamps that go on your wedding invitations? Or spend hours thinking about what favors to give out and how to wrap them? I certainly had no idea what I was getting into when we started planning this wedding. It has become an obsession of mine for our wedding to be thoughtful, unique, and perfect. I’ve spent a ridiculous amount of hours perusing wedding blogs and florist/photographer/design websites. Not to mention the tons of magazines I devour (MS Weddings, In Style Weddings, Asiana (a great UK South Asian bridal mag)). I’ve made spreadsheets, checklists and even an entire binder filled with wedding documents and inspiration organized by categories with dividers. Yup, I bought dividers. I haven’t done that since high school.
So now we have families, culture, religion, inspiration and a compulsive bride obsessed with making our wedding an event to remember. Then add another huge factor… money. South Asian weddings are notorious for being lavish. We have hundreds of guests, elaborate jewelry and bejeweled outfits. We have a guest list of about 400 people! I like to joke that we really are having a circus wedding since Mr. Margarita is riding in on an elephant and our wedding site has zebras at it. The costs of having large weddings are out of control. I also feel like all of our costs are doubled instantly just because the service or product is for a wedding. I almost choked at my cake tasting when our baker busted out the price. I am feeling the budget pressure especially now as final payments are due and last minute costs are adding up. We’ve planned according to our budget, but it’s quite another story to actually cut the checks and realize that all this money is going into one day.
I know I’m not the first bride to realize this or feel all of these frustrations. I think it just all came bubbling up this morning because the wedding is just around the corner and my to-do list is 5+ pages long. I feel like a bridezilla for working so hard on this wedding, wanting so much, and becoming so focused on the details. All this heartache and drama just can’t be worth it for one day. So, I tried to remind myself today that I need to focus less on the things in the wedding, and more on the people. As cliché as this sounds, I know that what will make our wedding perfect is having all the people we love with us. I just need to make it through all the other frustrations to get there. 12 days and counting!
Do any of you feel this way as your wedding day gets closer? How do you deal with it?
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8 Responses to “Elephants, Zebras, and Llamas, Oh My!”
HEAR. HEAR.
A great post that highlights the dilemmas many brides face.
Hang in there, you’re almost at the finish line!!
Miss Margarita,
I’m just at the beginning with 10 months to go, but I wanted to say that I’m beginning to know how you feel. I had my first, “Why don’t we just elope?” moment a couple of days ago.
I want to encourage all of us to take back the name “Bridezilla” and delete it from our thinking. The vast majority of us are nice girls who want a fair and reasonable deal that fits with our wedding vision. Sure there are a few bad apples, but there are some bad vendors too!
This industry is trying to control us by calling us bridezillas and making us meeker than we otherwise would be. Screw that! You are not a bridezilla. You are paying a lot of money to throw a really big party, and you are entitled to have a fabulous day! Don’t feel guilty about that!
Although, I can only image the stress of a 400 guest wedding — YIKES — I can totally relate to the budget pressure! We too are starting to pay our final payments and feeling the emptiness in our pockets — all for just one day. Its like, “I am paying how much for you to uncork that bottle?” Ridiculous.
I agree with Jasmine, you have to start to let go and enjoy the moment! It will go by so quickly. Don’t let the stress distract you from being present to the moment.
Deep breath, it will all be over soon!
My husband and I couldn’t wait for our wedding to be over – we were just so DONE with it. The wedding was wonderful, a complete success. However, I can’t help but think “Was it really all worth it?” I thought the whole wedding thing would make sense when it was done, after I had experienced my own wedding, but now it makes even less sense. I just wanted to marry my sweetie! Maybe I’d feel differently if we had thrown it together. I’m not suggesting that there’s anything wrong with carefully planning a truly beautiful and meaningful celebration (that would be hypocritical!), more that a wedding will be special no matter what.
Stay calm and in the moment! We entered the last few weeks before the wedding with the attitude of “We have the marriage license, and anything else is just icing on the cake.” That mantra kept us cool and focused – we were definitely the calm eye of the hurricane!
I am feeling overwhelmed by the amount of negative comments I am getting regarding my wedding lately. I constantly have family members asking me “Are you sure you want to do this? Don’t you want to do something simpler? Isn’t this just a waste of time?” It is NOT what I need to hear right now. I am trying to plan a wedding that my guests will love, but it feels like none of them even want to come sometimes.
All brides have pressure in some form or another! From what we have seen so far though, your wedding is going to be unbelievably beautiful. Don’t let the haters get you down!
Thanks guys! You are so right - just gotta keep my eye on the prize (Mr. Marg) and not stress too much about everything.
Even though this feeling isn’t the greatest, its nice to know I’m not alone out there. 
It sounds like you’re doing everything you can and trying to accomodate everyones wishes. Just know that you will never please them all and as long as you can walk away knowing you did all you can you will be happy. And in the end you’re family will be thrilled and be able everything else as minor details. Good luck!
Miss Margarita, Boston/Los Angeles
Age and Occupation: 26, Healthcare Consultant
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Doctor
Engagement Date: March 21, 2007
Wedding Date: August, 2008
Blogging Since: June 18, 2008
Venue: Saddlerock Ranch
About Me: I grew up in Southern California, moved to Boston for college, New York for grad school, back to Boston and now I travel the northeast every week for work. When I'm not on the go, I love to read, draw, shop, sleep and spend quality time with my fiancé, family and friends. We're long-distance planning for our "big fat brown wedding" in California and are excited to unite our Sri Lankan and Indian cultures and Buddhist and Hindu religions in a unique and modern way.
Oh my goodness, I can completely relate. In the weeks leading up to the wedding, I truly thought I was losing my mind. Everyone needed to give their two cents about our wedding decisions, and because South Asian weddings are so much about family, you have to listen! And the money, stress, the combining two different cultures and religions, I just felt like I couldn’t win at all.
I talk about it in my ceremony post, but my biggest piece of advice is to just let go of all expectations, opinions, and worries on your wedding day. Be joyful and happy and dont’ let the input of others influence your day!