Sundae, Party of One…
August 26th, 2008 @ 3:37 pm by Mrs. Sundae
We live roughly two hours away from where we’ll be getting married, which means that I’ve been planning what I like to call a “semi-destination wedding.” The vast majority of my communications and dealings with vendors have been either over the phone or via email, with the exception of 3-4 weekends we’ve spent up at the lake during our engagement. On top of that, only one member of our wedding party (the best man) lives in the same state as we do. My parents live two hours away and the rest of my family is kind of scattered across the country. Everyone has made huge efforts to spend as much time with me and help out as much as possible during the planning process, and in all honesty I started planning so early that I’ve never felt like I am lacking any support.
But the point of all this rambling is that, due to the aforementioned logistics, I’ve had to go to several vendor meetings by myself. It never crossed my mind that this isn’t the norm… I would just grab my binder and be ready to get on with it. But then I started to get the sympathetic looks and the questions, “It’s just you here today? Where is the rest of your party? You’re all by yourself?”
And then I started to feel a little like I had been stood up on a blind date at a swanky restaurant and forced to eat dinner by myself…. “No, no, clear the other place setting! She’s here alone.”
So it got me thinking - am I the only one going to vendor meetings solo? The lone bride in a world of bridal posses? If you’ve gone to meetings by yourself, have you been met with the same reaction?
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26 Responses to “Sundae, Party of One…”
I am vendor solo for lots of things… no questions or comments… yet!
I feel your pain. I live in Phoenix; the rest of my family is scattered along the East coast. My fiance travels a ton for work (he’s a pro driver doing automotive marketing programs, and this is high season) and he has only been home for a whopping 9 days total since May 1. Our wedding will be in the town where my parents now live, on the Gulf Coast of Florida. Most of my planning has been done by myself, on the internet or over the phone. I did get a week in Florida to drag my mom around with me, but I wound up getting pretty sick and that was that. I feel like I should have a huge gaggle of women around me, helping me plan and fussing and clucking, but quite frankly, after reading horror stories about fighting with families about wedding plans, I am more than happy to be able to do everything MY way!
I’m planning my wedding from nearly 4 hours away, and while my parents are in that area, the entire wedding party is several hours away, as well as FI’s entire family. There have been a couple of times when I’ve made the trek back home w/o my FI because of his work schedule and met with vendors on my own. I’ve gotten the question regarding my single status, but not too much fuss.
Well I (or myself and my fiance) did most of the stuff alone, because most of our wedding party and family don’t live near us. But I/we never got that kind of reaction - in fact, I got the opposite the couple times I did bring bridesmaids and my mom with me…like “great, here’s the annoying group of babbling women who will make my life difficult” which I get, but…I don’t know, I thought lots of stuff was done with a posse and the few places I tried they seemed exasperated. I don’t think it was us, I mean it’s like 4-5 women so I’m sure that can get to be too many cooks in the kitchen, but we’re not high maintenance or crazy - and isn’t it their job to deal with posses of women? Oh well, I feel your pain, but it doesn’t always work out when you have a posse either 
I agree with the previous posts - most of my planning has been over email/phone, and I didn’t meet most of my vendors before booking them. It’s worked out great. And like CarolineG, it SEEMS like everyone around me should be doing all this planning with me, making a fuss with me, but … to be honest, the lack of drama has made wedding planning truly enjoyable. There’s no stress, no muss, no fuss. Just a few more weeks for you Miss Sundae!
I expect to go to many of my vendor meetings alone. I am planning a semidestination wedding in Connecticut from Philadelphia. While my family lives in the area of the wedding, my mother is very pressed for time and gets hives at the thought of all the $$ I’m spending (needless to say she does not have the ability to help us with the cost of the wedding). I fully expect to do most of my planning over the phone and by myself. My in-laws live near me and are fabulous. They will be more than helpful and pitch in as much as possible but while they will come on prewedding trip to see the area where I grew up and the wedding is to take place and then will not be able to return until after the wedding. With the exception of one sister (who is not very helpful) none of my bridal party live in the area where the wedding will be held. I amy be able to snag an aunt or two to attend meetings but I don’t expect to have much help. FI will want to be off doing other things unless there is food involved.
Despite all this it doesn’t bother me. I am a contrall freak so this suits my way of working anyway.
I’m actually getting married in DC, where my FI and i live now; my family and FI’s family are all down in NC, which is at least a 5-hour drive for any of them. So it’s been just the two of us for almost everything (I’m not having a bridal party, so there’s no MOH to come with).
I have to say — i actually really like it. It means that the choices we make aren’t just mine; they’re ours; plus, it ensures that FI and i get exactly what we want, without undue pressure or influence from our families (who are v.v. much more traditional than we are). I did go dress-shopping with my mom, but other than that, it’s just the two of us!
I expect to do a lot of this alone too, since Mr. HC is in med school and working 30 hour shifts with no vacation anytime in the near future. I’m a little sad about it, since I always imagined this wedding planning process to be a partnership thing. But it helps to have great bridesmaids and a stellar wedding planner who is happy to fill in.
I do a lot of stuff alone. I’ve never gotten a funny look. That’s weird… But I’m older than you. Maybe they expect younger brides to come w/a posse?
While I didnt have a lot of vendors, outside of our Venue meetings, I flew solo on everything else, especially because our vendors were all near my parents house and not near where Mr. Peng and I lived. I rather enjoyed going by myself! Often, Mr. Peng is my crutch, and I liked being forced to conduct business on my own. I think the more people you add to your meetings, the more stressful it can be! Its nice to just sit down with you and your vendor, and straight talk, rather than be bogged down with opinions and second guessing by your family and friends! I heard so many horror stories about stress caused by friends and family (and witnessed it myself at many bridal shops) and realized that there was much less pressure on me when I just did things on my own! It was quite nice!
I did EXACTLY the same thing - our venue was 2 hours away and I went to most of the meetings by myself. No one said anything though. I guess it’s because they are used to destination and semi-destination weddings in sedona? It was just hard because my husband had a new job and couldn’t take random fridays off to come up with me to meetings.
Personally, I wouldn’t have wanted a ton of bms and moms to come with me to meetings - too many opinions, I was glad it was just me or me and my then fiance. Embrace the 1 on 1 or 1 on 2 meetings with your vendors!
Aw, don’t feel too bad! I’ve done quite a bit on my own, with everyone either far away or busy. I found and bought my dress by myself, and I think they were extra nice to me because it was just me … but I didn’t mind at all. I didn’t have a crowd telling me what I should do, so they were more than helpful!
Just remember to ask people for help (it’s always amazing who’s dying to help you out!) and make sure to enjoy all your hard work the day of!!
Add another voice to the ‘did it mostly myself or with my fiance’ crowd. Our venue was out of town, and I loved using e-mail to communicate when possible, but I always at least met the vendor in person at least once. About half the time, my fiance came with. I didn’t get questions or weird looks, but I am an older, second-time bride. (My folks are both gone.) People were probably more freaked about my age than about my singleness! 
I did go with my mother-in-law to try on dresses most times, but otherwise was pretty solo until my best friend came into town the last week. This worked fine for me, except sometimes I just needed to talk to someone about it — but my fiance was pretty involved and really great about it! Good luck with the rest of your planning — you can see the finish line at least! 
I have done lots of appointments by myself. I agree with Penguin. Its easier because you can ask the questions you want without wondering what your friend/Mom/FMIL is thinking.
One of the most embarrassing solo appointments I had was actually dress shopping for the first time. It was next to my work, so i just stopped in one day. I immediately felt all nekkid and stuff when I realized all the other brides were there with their mom or MOH, etc. DOH!
I also agree that it can be easier. I enjoyed my meeting with the florist so much because I was alone! I even went to several dress shops alone and felt so much more relaxed (but my sister yelled at me later for going without her).
Since I haven’t started doing anything yet for my wedding, I do give it serious consideration. Like you, my relatives live about 3 hours away. In saying that, I’m glad I can make the decisions alone, I’m a control freak. And my Aunt who basically reared me, is also a control freak. That being said, we would FIGHT. I can show her what I did, after I do it. As for the bridesmaids, I have 8 female cousins, 2 male cousins and one friend that will be in my party…FS has 3 brothers, And one friend that will be in his party. Pairing down won’t be easy and neither will the dress selection. So being far from them, this time isn’t so bad.
I actually had a DOC who refused to work with me because I told her that my groom would not be involved in the process at all. She did not seem to understand the idea of a long distance relationship, and a full time job, meaning that Mr. Avocado doesn’t have time to fly up to Washington every weekend to meet with our vendors!
I never did any dress shopping alone though, and I am really glad. I went to my first dress fitting by myself and I hated it!
I have done 99% of my vendor meetings solo. For the first eight months of our engagement I’ve been 3 hours away from where we’re getting married, and tomorrow I move several states away for the last six months of the engagement! I had my fiance with me when we first checked out various venues, and then my mom came with me to visit our venue and meet with the coordinator there once, because Mom’s doing all of our decorations.
It didn’t really hit me that I’d done everything alone, either, until tonight. I went out with my maid of honor (FINALLY she was interested in helping out with wedding stuff!!!) to order the bridesmaid dresses. Shortly after we arrived a whole brigade of people showed up with one bride as her bridesmaids tried on dresses. I felt like maybe I was missing out on something?
So glad I am not the only solo bride out there! I do have to agree with most of you, I’ve liked going to the meetings by myself (control issues and all). It didn’t even occur to me to care until someone pointed it out
Yikes, you’d think they’d realize that’s NOT what you’d want to hear at that exact moment. You are not alone - I’ve done a LOT of my vendor appointments alone.
me too….i’ve done it all by myself. my FI is away and my mother has not been able to make it….just had a meeting with my florist last evening by myself.
i felt bad about it at first bc its not what i read about or see on tv, but its what i’ve got to do, so i’m ok with it now.
i did some alone and some with one other person. only time I felt I wanted someone was at one of my dress fittings when everyone had their mom’s there.
My MOH was slightly involved, since she is the only bridesmaid in the town I am getting married. I don’t even live in that town anymore! She tasted cakes for me (oh horrible of me, I know!) and went to my last florist appt with me. It isn’t bad, really.
I almost went dress shopping by myself; I took the groom with me instead. Yes, the groom.
Me, too, lots of stuff by myself. I haven’t had too many comments — at least, none that I can remember. But we just scheduled our tasting with our caterer (waiting for a special weekend when my fiance could come), and she emailed me back with, “will it be just the two of you or will you bring anyone else?” And then I got sad, because I know lots of people bring a parent or two or trusted friend, but we don’t have anyone like that available to come to the tasting 
Mrs. Sundae, Chicago/Lake Geneva, WI
Age and Occupation: 28, Knowledge Manager
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Investment Advisor
Engagement Date: July 20, 2007
Wedding Date: September 2008
Blogging Since: February 5, 2008
Venue: The Abbey Resort
About Me: It’s hard to believe that by the time Mr. Sundae and I get married we will have been together for almost ten years. When we first met in college we split dollar pitchers and now we share the mortgage payments. Despite our love for the city we are looking forward to tying the knot in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin.
i didn’t have the same reaction, but i did end doing a lot things by myself and especially doing things over the phone and email! i booked almost all of my vendors without meeting them in person until the day of the wedding! i really lucked out that they were all so great!