Who Gives This Woman to be Married to this Man?
August 27th, 2008 @ 4:28 pm by Mrs. Cookie
Call me a feminist or un-traditional, but I am not comfortable with the traditional giving away of the bride. I think it is an incredibly sweet, touching moment in the ceremony when the father gives away the bride, but it’s just not me. We did, however, want some kind of a symbolic gesture.
The first idea was a la Brothers & Sisters. I cried when Nora (Sally Field) “gives” away Kitty (Calista Flockhart) by saying, “She gives herself freely, but with my blessing.” (Although, I am already a crier, there were major tears!) I LOVED this idea, but Mr. Cookie was not too keen on the wording. His thought - if it wasn’t going to be a traditional giving away of the bride, then it should be more about the two of us and the joining of two families. And that, dear bees, is one of the many reasons why I love Mr. Cookie.
Our pastor loaned us Words for Your Wedding: The Wedding Service Book by David Glusker and Peter Misner, which for those considering a modern/traditional wedding with roots in Protestant denominations, I cannot recommend this book more highly. It’s a great jumping off point to plan your ceremony. You can find it used on Amazon for $.01. In the book we found this wording:
As the Cookies’ union brings together two family traditions and two different roots, it is their hope to plant a new family tree that will grow and flourish. Theirs is a personal choice and a decision for which they are responsible in undertaking. Yet their life is and will always be enriched with the support of the families from which each comes.
Will you Mama and Dad Cookie, and Mr. Cookie’s Mom and Dad, encourage Miss and Mr. Cookie in their marriage? Parents: We WillDo you celebrate with them the decision they have made to choose each other and will you continue to stand beside them with each passing year?
Parents: We will
This is perfect! I love how it celebrates the personal choice Mr. Cookie and I are making, while including the blessing and honoring of our families. Yes, there still is a bit of tradition and sentiment in this little cookie.
What modern ceremony elements are you incorporating in lieu of traditional wording?
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15 Responses to “Who Gives This Woman to be Married to this Man?”
I am in the same boat as Mr. Cookie that the ceremony should be about us and the joining of our families. I am so glad you posted this!
I wanted to compile some non-biblical readings on love, marriage, and family, and have someone read “the blessing of the hands.” I also absolutely LOVE the wording you posted. I may just have to incorporate that somehow so that I can have all parents involved. 
@Mrs. Gingerbread: The original plan was to have both my mom and dad walk me down the aisle. However, my mother insisted that only my father walk me down the aisle. I am respecting her wishes.
I’m loving this. Thanks for the great wording.
We are doing the group blessing thing. I love the idea of all of our friends and family vowing to help us on our journey of marriage.
this is a nice passage! thanks for sharing your process of choosing elements of the ceremony.
Wow, I teared up just reading that! I’m definitely going to pick up a copy of that book.
I cried watching that episode. Well, who am I tryin to kid? I cry at just about every wedding these days. Even on TV with strangers!
This is an excellent idea.
I love this idea. It’s a great way to involve my step-parents, too, because they have been in my life for over 20 years. Thanks for the post!
excellent timing! we’re working on our ceremony and i was struggling with the same thing. i liked the alternative you opened with, but FI is not too keen. hopefully, he likes this one!
I LOVE that, I’m totally buying that book Thank you for sharing!
I love Brothers and Sisters too! And I’m definitely buying that book now. How could I pass up inspiration for 1 cent?
My officiant had some really good ways to handle this. The question will be something like “who supports this woman in her decision to marry this man?” or something similar. I am so glad that we women aren’t traded for goats anymore!
[...] our ceremony didn’t include a traditional giving away of the bride, I knew it was important for my dad to walk me down the aisle. Before I took Mr. Cookie’s hand, I [...]
Mrs. Cookie, Denver
Age and Occupation: 25, Nonprofit Fundraiser/Theatre Designer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Financial Analyst
Engagement Date: September 2007
Wedding Date: September 2008
Blogging Since: May 8, 2008
Venue: Ten Mile Station
About Me: With a degree in Theatre I never realized that planning a wedding was a lot like Theatre Management, until I started planning my own. I am a coffee addict, especially Starbucks' Grande Mochas, yummy! I love to cook (especially chocolate chip cookies for my honey), travel to exotic places, and be creative. As a couple, Mr. Cookie and I are extremely practical, down to earth, and children at heart. We live in a cozy abode with our adorable Pomeranian, and love to play board games and watch movies into the evening.
I love Brothers & Sisters! I also love how you are giving thoughts to the different elements of your wedding and choosing things that fit you best. What is your plan for walking down the aisle?