Worn Out
September 2nd, 2008 @ 10:30 am by Mrs. Shortcake
I think there must be a happy medium between a too-long engagement and a too-short engagement. We have been engaged for a year now, and we have been unhappily floating in that sticky morass known as “OMG we can’t wait for this all to be OVER” for at least three months now.
Planning any wedding is stressful, but taking that stress, and Stretch Armstrong-ing it over a year or more is just cruel. No matter how proud of our DIY projects I am, no matter how gorgeous my gown is, I am ready to jump ship. I’m at least ready to take my beading pliers and jam them in my eye.
A year is too much time to plan a wedding. There are too many opportunities in twelve months to change your mind, or to have others change your mind for you. Twelve months is too long of a period to drag out the constant inter-familial squabbles over guest lists and budgets and colours and ribbons and everything. We just want to get married. That’s all. We originally wanted to get married on a beach—just us and our immediate families—and within a week of our engagement, our minds had been changed for us and suddenly we were having a wedding that was so much bigger than we had originally planned.
We’re excited for our wedding.
CORRECTION: We’re excited for our wedding to end.
I still DIY because I know that if I don’t, I will look back at our wedding and regret not sucking it up and doing it right. Doing it our way. Except, weddings are family events, and as such, have the unfortunate tendency of turning into monstrous beasts that have no similarity to a couple’s original desires and are instead composed of all the opinions of everyone around them.
I wish for you, as you plan your wedding, to have the courage to say “no”. To say, “We’re doing this our way,” and when you both get boxed into a corner and are badgered, for you to put up your dukes and growl, “because we said so.” Well, maybe without the growling.
But seriously, your wedding is your wedding. It is not your parents’ wedding (even if they’re helping to pay for it), it is not your grandparents’ wedding, it is not your bridesmaids’ wedding, and your wedding is in no part property of your coworkers or your friends. It is your wedding.
Sigh.
Now, if you excuse me, I have a beast to tame.
Are you dealing with outside influences when it comes to planning the wedding of your dreams?
Related Posts
22 Responses to “Worn Out”
Oh yes. And all of the drama I have had to deal with has come from where I least expected!
you’re almost there. and you’ll have fun on the big day. and then you’ll be married to the love of your life!
We had the same thing happen. We were engaged for 13 months. WAY too long. The family drama was enough to make us want to forget the whole thing and just run away.
Do exactly as you said, stand firm in your convictions about the way your wedding should be. In the end, you’ll both be happy you did. Hang in there.
Oh my god, I was just thinking the same thing. I’ve changed my mind a million times in the past year, and about every 5 months or so my FMIL pitches a guest list fit so spectacular it literally results in her not speaking to her son for WEEKS when we say we can’t invite a family friend’s child’s girlfriend (what, with the fact that we didn’t even invite all my FAMILY). Can you tell one of those 5 month marks was yesterday? I can’t wait for October 5th. Can.not.wait.
Yes, it’s hard to balance things between wanting your family to be happy and what you want.
That’s how I ended up with an unplanned Jr Bridesmaid…
Good luck. I think there should be a training for brides to learn to have guts and say no and stand up to what we want at all times 
I thought the same thing when planning for my wedding, but then that magical day comes and you are so happy. I would plan it all over again if I could, but if you had asked me that prior to my wedding I would have told you, you’re crazy!
i 2nd what “does the dress fit” said…i have only been married a little over a month and wish i could do it all over again! i was so looking forward to the planning being over but now i miss it! i wouldn’t change a thing though because we did everything the way we wanted to and it was a perfect day. i’d just like to relive it every weekend! 
i love being married though!!! enjoy the next month, it goes by so quickly!
I so needed to hear this today. We have decided to not have a Catholic wedding ceremony and we really don’t understand why “because we said so” isn’t enough for both of our parents. We even spent a good two hours over this past weekend sitting there writing out all of our reasoning and we finally just looked at each other, threw our hands up and said “because we dont WANT to!” … now we just have to get it together to say that to our parents (who are paying for it all!) We are willing to concede on a few other points, but this one is big and we will not back down. (Right?!?! haha)
Oh also - sorry to forget - that we’ve been engaged for 4 months and have 16 more to go — umm yikes! Wish me luck.
People thought I was crazy for having such a short engagement period of 7 months (and we’re 2 months out now). However, I’m already ready for it to be over. Almost everything is planned out (still have to fit the dress, pick the menu). I’m definitely feeling that 7 months is a good engagement period—long enough to have choices and think about things but not long enough to change your mind about anything. I’m also thinking of my wedding as a big party for our families and trying to keep a “hands off” attitude so I don’t get wrapped up in too many details and lose sight of the big picture—our marriage.
I agree. We have been engaged for 13 months and you don’t need that much time. I am seriously meditating (hourly) to make it through the next 18 days. This morning I found out that my parents went off and ordered favors without bothering to even ask me what I think. Over it.
For sure. My fiance and I wanted to get married here in Texas where we both live but my family was sooo upset because we would not be married near my home in CA. I had to deal with lots of guit trips from my family for a long time… they are finally coming around…. 26 days before the wedding… sheesh!
By the way… ive been engaged almost 3 years…totally agree on the opportunities to change your mind.
Completely agree. We were supposed to have a 1.5 year engagement that has now turned into over 2 years due to a recent postponement! Now the wedding isn’t until June 2009 and I’ve gone through the entire range of emotions. Overall, I just want it all over with and I want to be married! Wedding planning is seeming like a bad habit that won’t go away. BUT, there are worse things in life and I’ve learned to accept that. Hang in there, Miss Shortcake!!
I think that wedding-planning-tired-outness rears its head no matter how long the engagement….although the longer it goes…the worse it gets, I’m sure. Our engagement is only 3 1/2 months long…we’re getting married in 3 days!…..and already I’m ready for it to be over. I think there comes a point in everyone’s engagement when the little things just don’t matter as much anymore and your just dying for it to be over.
Your post is exactly why I don’t want a terribly long engagement, we’ll be looking at less than a year if all goes well. I have a really hard time making up my mind, so if I think I had a two year long engagement, all of my friends and relations would kill me from changing things so much!
You’re in the home stretch, you can make it through!
Engaged May 1, will be married October 12, and any longer than that I would go bonkers. I am lucky enough to have a pretty hands-off family when it comes to things like this. It helps that I’m a bit older, run my own business, etc.; I guess my parents feel like if I can handle that, I can handle planning a party by myself ; ) I’ve only had one specific guest list request from my mom, which was to invite her cousin who I haven’t seen in probably 20 years. I said yes without hesitation, since that really was the only request she made.
Definitely agree. For us it was 17months based strictly on our finances - we needed that long just to save for a basic 60 guest wedding -we didn’t want money from our families. We’re 5 months into our 17 month long engagement. The time seems to be a curse and a blessing. I like the fact that I have so much time to find the best deals for our money but the curse is that I constantly contemplate the big decisions - even ones that we have already financially comitted to. Just this weekend I was contemplating ditching everything for a smaller wedding at a beach house rental and just buy a bunch of bbq food and drinks. It times like these when I’m glad to have the time to step back and take mini vaca’s from planning.
We’ll have been engaged for 2 years by the time we get married … and I love it! Granted we’re both still in school (will be done by the wedding), but the first year I just browsed websites and collected ideas that just sounded neat and kept track of them. Now that we’ve passed the one year mark, we’ve started the real planning phase. So many places in our area were already booked a year in advance, I wouldn’t have wanted the added stress of trying to plan in less time when less things would be available.
Right on. I wish that things were a little more carefree and that our vision of the wedding wasn’t complicated by the peanut gallery that is our well-meaning/loving friends and family.
Mrs. Shortcake, Vancouver
Age and Occupation: 24, Marketing Manager/Children's Lit Writer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Master's Student/Personal Trainer
Engagement Date: August 7, 2007
Wedding Date: October 2008
Blogging Since:
Venue: Ceremony in a historic church, tented lawn reception at a golf and country club
About Me: 1950's housewife sent to the future, reborn as crafting-obsessed, jill of all trades. I enjoy decorating, writing, baking sweet things, singing show tunes/dancing in public, wearing pearls, and knitting sweaters for my furbaby, Harvey, to chew upon. I heart pink, and believe that sparkles are the new black.
yes……the same exact thing happened to us. an intimate ceremony of close family and friends turned into a fiasco….
i’m pleasantly surprised that as i am about to began printing addresses on envelopes, my mother is asking to revise her list. muttering “all these people dont need to be there”….wow….
i really haven’t fought it…..but thankfully, as we get closer and closer (8 weeks now), people are yielding to our original vision.