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There’s an interesting post on the U.S. News and World Report Alpha Consumer Blog about the escalating costs of being a wedding guest and—especially—a bridesmaid. Here’s the money quote:
But the heftiest burden of all falls on bridesmaids. They play a role that, for all the honor of its implied intimacy to the bride, comes with a price to match. Bridesmaids are often expected to buy a dress, matching shoes, and jewelry, not to mention professionally applied makeup and nail polish on the day itself. And well in advance of the “I do’s,” they usually serve as host for a bridal shower, bachelorette party, or both. TheKnot.com estimates that, excluding travel, the average cost for each bridesmaid adds up to around $700.
Oy gevalt. I kind of hurt for my bridal party just reading this. I wanted to recognize their friendship and support for me through the years by asking them to play a special role in my wedding, but I by no means wanted to bankrupt them in the process!
I’m doing my best to help defray the costs for my bridesmaids.
I’m going to be purchasing their dresses (I am, if nothing, a talented bargain hunter, so this should be manageable and fun). I’m also going to be paying for makeup and hair for the day of; after all, they are getting gussied up on my behalf. But they will still have to fly to the West Coast from the East Coast, find a place to stay, and incur any incidental expenses while they are in California. Those expenses, plus even the most low-key bachelorette party (cancel the male strippers!), can really add up for the merry band of academics and government employees who make up our wedding party.
Are you worried about expenses for your bridal party, or do you think it all evens out in the end? Did cost concerns lead you to forego having a bridal party altogether? Do you have any tips or advice on how to help lower the costs?
I too worry about the expenses my maid’s will have to endure. I won’t be paying for their dresses, but I will make an effort to find them affordable dresses and shoes. I will provide the jewelry for them as part of their gift, mostly because I want them all to match but that’s one less thing for them to pay for. Additionally, there will be minimal travel involved for my girls, so that helps! I agree, being in a wedding is expensive but your true friends know this and I am sure they want to do it anyway! It’s a once in a lifetime thing that they wouldn’t want to miss!
You are generous to buy their dresses/pay for makeup and hair. Their expenses should be pretty similar to a guest’s, as they will pay for lodging/airfare as would any other OOT guest.
I felt the same way, so I budgeted for a lot of items. I am paying for their hair ($50 of it), nails and jewelery as well as their lodging(for them and their SOs) and transportation (We are renting two 15P vans). They will also have dinner the night before the wedding at our welcome party and brunch they day of. Their expenses are their dresses (letting them pick any of the brown Cotton Cady dresses from J. Crew) and plane tickets.
We paid for plane tickets, a rental car, and lodging for all of our attendants. It was our second biggest expense, after catering and before rentals. But if we hadn’t done that, some of them would probably not have been able to be there for us, so I say it was worth it. They paid for their attire, which was under $100 each, and we had no showers, no bachelor/bachelorette parties, no obligatory updo, no mandatory manicure, none of that. So even if they filled up the rental three times, it probably cost them under $200 to be there for the weekend–not at all bad for a destination wedding!
Similar to you, I was also worried about the expenses adding up. I tried to empathize and be proactive about adding expected costs for my BMs.. I picked dresses that were only $100, paid for shoes and gave the jewelry as part of the gift. I also paid for hair/makeup the day of and treated them all to nails and lunch the day before.
I had one BM who had to fly to be the wedding so that was an added expense for her, but I made sure she stayed with me so she didn’t have to pay for hotel/car, etc. The others drove from OOT and stayed with family/friends or already live here.
I had two pretty low-key showers (one was planned by a non-BM friend). The one big expense was my Bach. Party in Vegas. One BM didn’t come and it was a larger group of friends, not just BMs. Another friend had a connection for a free condo on the strip, so our only real big expense for the trip was airfare and I paid my own of course!
Obviously, these things will all vary depending on your specific circumstances, but I tried to minimize thing that they were required to pay for. In the end, I was probably overly generous with things, but I wanted to show my appreciation.
The other thing I did was getting hair/make-up for a very reasonable price. Since I knew I was paying for everyone, I hunted down someone affordable (and was still very happy with the results). I have been in situations where brides pick expensive options and then the BM are stuck paying for things they didn’t have a say in. At the very least let your BMs know up front that your option is one option and they can choose if they want to use it or not.
I am worried about this too! I’m definitely trying to keep costs down by having my girl choose her own black dress, and paying for her hair/makeup/accessories. But I still feel super guilty- all the members of our wedding party still have to fly to New Orleans and pay for hotels… I’d appreciate tips on cost-cutting too!
@ErinMarieMack and @Sarah: Ooh. Paying for lodging. I hadn’t thought of that. Is it too late for me to be part of your wedding parties? LOL.
I just spent well over a grand to be in a friend’s wedding - and it was local! I thought that was pretty excessive, to be honest, but the bride and her mom had expensive taste so there wasn’t much I could do or say…I definitely had to scrimp all spring/summer as a result, and as the expenses mounted it kind of put a damper on the big day. Obviously, any girl should think about the potential costs before accepting - but don’t count on all the other BM’s sharing costs equally (which is where I went wrong).
I worry a lot about the costs for my girls and the guys too! I want the dresses to be low cost and somthing they will truly wear more than once (ok so my sister won’t but she never wears dresses.) Except for one sister and one brother, they will all be traveling for the wedding. I know my Dad and my FILs will help with the costs for all of the siblings (4 on each side -yikes) but we still have 3 friends each who will be incurring costs on thier own. We are tying to keep them as low as possible so that we don’t stress thier budgets too much. With 2 of my girls having new babies right now and and one who is a stay at home mom and has a husband who jsut started a business my girls are all for the low cost dress!
I worried a lot. I made sure to be as easy going as possible, no mandatory hair/jewelry, and all I ask is their shoes be white/off white, their dresses were $106 ea the cheapest I found anywhere in the right color. And still I’ve gotten a ton of complaints about the cost. Esp. from my MOH who was really upset about the cost of the bach. party, and made me well aware all night. I feel horrible! What’s a girl to do?!
i was really worried as well. i paid for their dresses which i got on the cheap. i am not requiring that they have fancy hair or makeup. if they dont want to throw me a bridal shower or bachelorette party, that would be find as well. all i care is that they are there with me that day and that they have lots of fun celebrating with us!
I have a question - do brides actually make their bridesmaids pay for matching jewelry?
@pookie: Over $1000? Wow. Mr. HC once spent over $2000 on a bachelor party in Las Vegas though. I was horrified!
@MM: I couldn’t agree more with your last sentiment!
@linda: I wouldn’t be that surprised, I suppose, if that were true. There was that article in the NYT a few weeks ago about brides asking their BMs to get plastic surgery. 
i pulled my hair out trying to find an affordable dress! i told the girls they didn’t have to have hair/makeup professionally done. i bought their shoes, jewelry, plus a clutch that would go with the dress but they were not required to use any of it if they didn’t like it. i had no shower or bachelorette party so i guess that helped!
we’re definitely mindful of the costs. our wedding is fairly local (within an hour’s drive), but between the rehearsal dinner and day-of activities, we’re all staying at an Inn a few minutes away from the venue. we weren’t able to pay for the rooms, but because FI and I upgraded to a larger room, they were able to cut MOH a deal and waive the 2-night minimum for her. woo hoo! we’re paying for mani/pedis as a pre-wedding thank you and left the choice for hair up to them.
they paid for the dresses, but they are off the rack - one was under $100, the other under $50. 
I am a bride’s maid in a wedding that will take place in a few weeks.
The bride helped us girls out by purchasing our beautiful dresses and is taking us out the week of the wedding. Having said that, I spent just shy of $400 to host a bachelorette party. My airplane ticket is costing me about $800 round trip. Because I am staying with family I don’t have to worry about hotel. I have already purchased shoes and will need to get my nails done and eye brow’s waxed (potentially hair done too) for the wedding.
Then there is the present in cash. Not to mention the cost of attending another bachelorette party at the wedding locale.
All in all I would say this wedding is running me a total of $1500. Because I have been prepping for the bar exam I haven’t worked since April. And this hurts. Oh it hurts.
Love my friend. Thrilled to be there. But it’s particularly difficult at this point in my life.
BTW I think the $1500 is a low ball. VERY low ball!
Like pookie, I was in a wedding party where the bride just kind of kept piling on costs and was seemingly oblivious to how much she was asking us to spend on hair, shoes, dresses, parties, etc. We all still had a great time that weekend, but money woes definitely dampened my spirits in the weeks leading up to the wedding.
After that experience I’m definitely trying to be conscious of how much money my BMs will have to shell out. My mom has generously offered to put $100 towards the cost of each BM dress and cover a hotel suite for the girls, which is awesome. I’m also not going to ask them to pay for matching shoes or jewelry or any spa treatments — I’m sure they’ll look great even if they don’t want pedicures, facials, or Botox
http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2008/08/02/bridesmaid_etiquette/index.html
This is an article in Salon that really got to me. It really drives home the fact this whole mentality of “my special day” makes us kind of insane.
yikes! I had no idea. Off the rack dresses for my maids…I’ll have to keep tuned into Ms. HC’s sage bargain shopping advice.
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Mrs. Hot Cocoa, Boston/Los Angeles Age and Occupation: 31, JD/PhD Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 32, Medical Student Engagement Date: May 30, 2008 Wedding Date: March, 2009 Blogging Since: April, 2008 Venue: Ritz Carlton, Marina Del Rey About Me: I am a professional student by day and an amateur cupcake taster, bargain shopper, and wedding planner by night. I am obsessed with NPR, the Food Network, paper, dance shows, Anthropologie, post-structuralist theory, Weddingbee!, "The Office," and celebrity gossip. When not procrastinating from my dissertation, I spend time catering to Jellyby, our overly anxious shih tzu, and getting to know Mr. Hot Cocoa. We have only been dating for fifteen years, so it's like I'm in love with a stranger! From the East Coast, we are planning a Jewish-Chinese Extravaganza in L.A., where we both grew up.
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