Ridding the Lump
September 6th, 2008 @ 2:44 pm by Mrs. Green Tea
I don’t know if anyone else shares this sentiment, but one of the things I really looked forward to about being married was being able to pack that engagement ring away!
I have never been big on wearing jewelry, and had never dreamed about wedding rings of any kind. It was very weird to carry something so valuable on me all the time, and at the beginning it was honestly quite uncomfortable to have a thing sticking out at that odd (to me) spot on the finger! Mr. Green Tea offered that wearing it was not a requirement, but after leaving it at home for a couple weeks, I realized that it made him quite happy to see the ring worn. So I wore it most of the time, and got mostly used to it. 22 months later though, whenever the sticky-outty part hits or snags anything, it still freaks me out a little.
Upon our return from the honeymoon, several people already asked where my e-ring went. Some folks have a hard time understanding why I wouldn’t want to don it everywhere I go. While one of my bridesmaids is looking to get a second band to add to her current big rock e-ring plus blingy band combo, I’m totally digging the comfort of my simple little band. The e-ring is now safely tucked away at home, to be brought out only on special occasions. No more sticky-outty for me on da daily, whoopee! Ahh… the joys of marriage.
I’m glad Mr. Green Tea and I agree on that comfort comes first. Even though I would have been fine with not wearing anything at all, the symbol is important to him so this is how we compromised. But I do know many out there who would feel awkward not wearing their e-ring along with the wedding band.
What do you plan on doing? Did you and your spouse agree on the ring wearing arrangement? Am I the only one out there getting odd looks for rocking only the band?
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39 Responses to “Ridding the Lump”
This is one of the reasons we stuck with our engagement bands wedding rings. Too much bling made us uncomfortable too.
I got used to my e-ring, but also having just a band instead of the bling ring was also an option when first thinking of ring selection. I do indulge in the thought and what if’s of the look of a simple band, which is against the norm these days when women usually daydream of a big rock. To each their own when it comes to these things. I understand!
I can’t wait to just wear a band too! I love my e-ring, but it’s definitely not an ‘everyday’ look for me, at least not forever. One year of bling is plenty, thanks!
I don’t wear my e-ring around either. i know my husband spent all his life saving on my e-ring, but it made me feel uncomfortable wearing it around, and my husband is completely fine with it. you’re not alone!! 
One of my closest friends didn’t even get an e-ring. Her hubby proposed to her with the intention of letting her pick whatever she wanted but jewelry and anything fancy is just totally not her style (it was really hard to help her find a wedding dress for the same reason!). She decided against the e-ring altogether. Now that they’re married she just wears a plain gold band.
Do what you want to do, it’s your ring and your finger!
I guess I’ll be the first to post for the opposition Hubs spent $2000 on my e-ring, you better believe I’m wearing it every day for the rest of my life! Too valuable (and pretty!) to sit hidden away in a drawer
I love my engagement ring and I wear ONLY that. I don’t wear a band at all. I have one, but I don’t like how it looks with my ering, so I just wear the bling. I hate the word bling, btw. I have no idea why. Anyway, I think it’s OK to wear what you want. People ask me when the wedding is all the time.
What’s the point of even spending the money on that fancy ring if you’re not going to wear it? I’m not wearing mine but just cause I just had a baby and my fingers are still swollen. After that, it’s back on, baby! I totally agree with kanaceandjason…get your money’s worth!
I love my e-ring, but it simply cannot be worn with my wedding band (http://applesofgold.com/133-13.html) without coming way, way up my finger (almost to the middle knuckle). So I guess I will only be wearing the wedding ring on most daily occasions.
My fiance would be pretty heartbroken if I didn’t wear it. He saved like a fiend for it and I think it’s kind of selfish to not wear something that means that much. It’s an expensive thing and sure it might make you nervous, but what’s the point? It’s like buying nice dishes and never wanting to use them because one might break or never wearing your really expensive perfume because you don’t want to waste it– we only have one life to enjoy what we have, especially a pretty little ring that actually carries a lot significance with it. Nice things are meant to be used and worn.
I too am gonna play devil’s advocate here…
I read this post to my man and he said this is the most insulting thing he had ever heard of. This is the ultimate slap in the face. Men (in general) put a lot of time, money and effort in finding the perfect engagement ring for their woman. It makes them very vulnerable. The least you can do is be gracious enough to wear it and not make him feel bad when you don’t. If you are soooo concerned about wearing something so valuable, you insure it. End of problem.
Personally, if you aren’t gonna wear it, sell it. Why is it sitting in a drawer somewhere?? You could put that money towards something useful. My fiancee just said, “No man will ever be happy with the idea of his wife not wearing the e-ring. He might be going along with it to make you “comfortable” but he is secretly pissed about it, guaranteed.” I totally agree with Colleen: Nice things are meant to be used and worn. Show off you bling bling and make your man proud! This isn’t so much about you and it about him.
i don’t wear it everyday either … only on special occasions… plus i ride subway so prefer to keep it at home…
GT, I can see your reasoning, but I gotta agree with the idea that it was something that he spent a lot of money and thought on. Part of the justification for spending the money was that I’d wear it every day, and thus, the cost per day would be low =) I’d have felt it a waste to spend so much money and then not wear it (but that’s just for us). Like buying nice furniture and always keeping it under plastic wrap and not actually using it =) My ring also has a low and smooth profile for everyday wear.
December, my e-ring doesn’t ‘go’ with my band either- I just wear them on separate hands. That way both my hands get some happy!
I loved my e-ring so much, I also almost went the no wedding band route, but then I decided I wanted something to match with him, so two rings it was.
My e-ring was not expensive (the best part of getting engaged in college when we were broke), so it doesn’t hurt my husband’s feelings that I’ve stopped wearing it. I hardly ever wear jewelry, and two rings on one finger just felt bulky. But the reaction from other people has been pretty telling. People regularly assume that I’m not married because I’m not wearing a big ole rock. This doesn’t bother me; I see it as a teaching moment about the extent to which materialism has entered our most sacred relationships …
I knew he would want me to wear it all the time, so we looked for something I would be comfortable with. I sew and work with fabric a lot, so there is no way it could be something snaggy, and also for my general absentmindedness I didn’t want it to be super-expensive or irreplaceable. What I have is seven teeny diamonds set into the ring, so no snagging, and beautiful to me but not expensive. I wear it with my gold band and it is great! Not too much, but I get to wear it all the time. Makes us both happy.
We had this talk well before becoming engaged . I love my ring , and wanted it not to sit too high because i WOULD smack it into things. But I too will be glad not to be questioned why i am not wearing my e-ring. I work with my hands and don’t wear it to work all the time because i don’t want to kill my ring. It’s a comfort thing but also a peace of mind thing , I would hate to have a stone pop out at work.
This is why I’m so glad I got to be a part of choosing my e-ring. The ring my honey had originally picked had a really high profile, and I knew I would snag it on things all the time. Instead, we chose a ring that matched the aesthetic of what he had chosen, but with a lower profile and less pointy setting. So far, it’s been great, so the plan is that I’ll wear it all the time.
My mum wears her e-ring all the time, because she always switches it te her right hand when she has something important to remember! 
that’s why my engagement ring is a band ring. I still wear it on my right hand with the plain wedding band on the left, but I knew I didn’t want to wear something sticky out-ie on a daily basis.
I picked out my own e-ring, and I love it. But I can’t wait to wear my wedding band, cause I love that even more. I plan on wearing my wedding band on my left hand and the e-ring on the right, since they are both pretty thick. And the e-ring doesn’t look like the typical e-ring.
Looking around at all my friends who never wear their engagement rings post-marriage, I expressed to my boyfriend that when he began looking for an engagement token to get me a small diamond pendant necklace instead of a ring. I’m not a ring person, and know I would only want to wear one after the engagement period was over. This way we’re saving some money and I get to have a pretty necklace AND ring!
I agree with some of the posters that if you’re not planning on generally wearing it all the time, you shouldn’t have gotten it or should have exchanged it for something else. I love the engagement pendant idea, and at one point I thought I wanted an engagement couch instead of an engagement ring.
But I just think it’s generally wasteful to buy anything (clothes, sports equipment, jewelry) if you’re not going to use it and enjoy it.
just my two cents.
On on the fence on this one… yes my ring gets in the way and I take it off as soon as I get home (which the FH is OK with), but once I go out of the house it’s on. I don’t want to disrespect him by not wearing it. It was hard enough to have to go without it for a whole month when it was being re-casted 4 times.
I just feel he’s spent too much money to not wear it everyday… I feel that way with everything, including my LV purses. I use them every damn day, I don’t care if it doesn’t go with the outfit. It’s not gonna stay home in the dust bag for too long.
I sympathize, Mrs. Green Tea, and thanks for posting on it! I love my engagement ring, and fortunately its setting isn’t too “sticky-outty” but I don’t always feel like wearing jewelry. And though I’ve gotten used to it, my e-ring is substantial jewelry. So there are definitely days when I just don’t wear it (or honestly, forget to wear it), and my FI is comfortable with that. Fortunately!
as with any other decision, people do whatever is comfortable to them. that is going to be different from person to person, couple to couple. i have never been one to wear jewelry, so the e-ring was a little weird to me at first. i either take the bus or ride my bike to work everyday, so it just doesn’t make sense for me to wear a huge rock. also, the line of work i’m in doesn’t jibe well with sticky-outty jewelry.
I am with you on this one, Mrs GT. I can’t wait to be married so that I don’t feel like I should wear my engagement ring all the time. I’ll probably wear it most of the time, but I can’t wait to be able to take it off without feeling like people are going to ask me why I’m not wearing a ring.
It’s your ring, your finger, your husband, your choice
I explicity told the hubby not to buy me a blingy engagement ring (no diamonds or gemstones of any kind). He ended up getting me a simple wooden band and I love it. For the wedding we exchanged custom made bands that match (awww, how cute I’m a simple girl and love my simple jewelry.
i get the snaggy thing… my engagement ring doesn’t even have that high of a profile, but can snag things. you could consider having your ring re-made so that it’s not snaggy… i totally love the one-ring look.
italians just exchange gold bands… no engagement rings. i think it’s simple and romantic, and really, the marriage IS what matters more, after all.
heh, I sometimes call my bike my engagement bike. he bought it for me during our engagement period, and I turned me into a serious cyclist. It came with us on our honeymoon, and now we bike in to work/school together several mornings a week.
wow. i felt totally uncomfortable wearing my ring too. not because of the cost, but because i do not wear any jewelry except for special occasions. it felt too showy.
i have gotten used to it now, but will likely wear my band alone after we get married.
i’m glad to see i am not alone
Mrs Green Tea, it’s totally fine for you to be uncomfortable with wearing your e-ring. That said though, I wouldn’t dream of not wearing mine (I love mine though…). I read this to my fiance as well and he said he’d be hurt if I didn’t want to wear my ring, since he spent a lot thought, time, and money on it. He said, if I felt uncomfortable with it, he’d help me figure out a better setting and take the diamond out and get another ring. I think that would be a great idea. If the setting is too high-profile for you, you can always take the diamond out and get a new style. I don’t know exactly how your e-ring is, but there’s always options. Your hubby might appreciate it, who knows…
i don’t think there’s anything wrong with having an e-ring that you only wear for special occasions. plenty of people have special jewelry that you don’t wear all the time, that can still have significance (heirloom, etc.) why should an e-ring be any different? it’s special, and you’ll wear it occasionally, and someday you can pass it on. that’s perfectly fine!
i do wear mine every day, but i don’t have a band - we couldn’t find anything we liked that matched it, so i decided just to stick with one ring. but like katemw, i get asked when the wedding will be all the time. oh well!
We all have other pieces of jewlery that we only wear on special occasion.
I know couples were they don’t even wear their wedding ring. One guy is a mountain guide and he keeps his wedding band in his med-kit. An other person couldn’t stand to keep it and still has scar from it.
Does it make you less married? No.
It’s something that comes with feelings yes, but what means the most? The fact that he asked or the ring? I pick the first one personally.
If you want to wear it, you can always get a chain that matches the ring and wear it around your neck. I’ve seen people do that and I’ve never been shocked by it.
To answer your questions: it was so weird for me at first to wear the engagement ring. I kept on scratching things and hitting things with that little rock, I still do but less often.
We never really discussed the options, I guess because I want to wear the e-ring and the wedding band together. I even plan on adding an other ring later one (we can’t afford to get the bands together right now so it’ll be an anniversary or special occasion ring to attach to the wedding band). 3 years ago you would have never, ever seen me with a piece of jewelry besides my necklace… Now, well my e-ring is getting re-sized and I’ll have to wait until the family wedding to wear the wedding band and let me tell you: I miss it!
I gave my husband the specs for my e-ring before he bought it so that it would be something I would be comfortable wearing everyday (not too blingy and a low setting so it doesn’t snag
Funny, I’m just the opopsite. First my E-ring is not hugely valuable. In fact I have pieces of jewelry from my grandmother that are more valuble monetarily. I had insisted on a non diamond main stone because it just wasn’t me. We picked out the ring together and I love it. I feel bare without it now that I’ve been wearing it for almost 11 months. (I do forget to put it back on once in a while in the mornings and I end up spending the day rubbing my finger because it’s not there.)
I always thought I would have a simple plain band with a inscription on the inside but the shape of my e-ring negates that if they are to be worn together. We are looking at custom bands so the rings will sit flush and I can wear them both together. People have said that i should just a. not wear my e-ring or b. wear it on my right hand. Both ideas do not work for me. A. I love my e-ring and love the thought that went into so the only reason I would not wear is because of a particular activity such as gardening, cleaning or camping. Which is what I do now. B. I’m very traditional so to me the e-ring should be on my left hand with my band. Also, with a colored stone it won’t be noticebale as my e-ring and may loose significance. Aside from all of this, it doesn’t fit on my right hand.
I wonder if you just don’t need a different setting, if the problem is primarily that you catch the ring on everything. Frankly, the typical solitaire type setting is prone to that, even if the diamond isn’t huge - because it sticks up so high, and because of the claw-type prongs. If you get a tension type setting, the band looks a chunkier, but tends to have fewer acute angles - and so nothing to catch. Here is a link to a photo of my setting - and I wear fluffy, loopy sweaters, lots of handknits, do a lot of needlework, and have several pets, and I have never caught it on anything.
http://www.billbarnes.com/product.asp?product=6847
As far as the bling factor goes, I guess that’s the number one reason in my mind for having input into the ring selection. I never would have felt happy just putting the ring away and not wearing it - and DH would be quite unhappy (even if he SAID it was okay). So we picked out a ring that I knew I would be happy to wear.
I love my engagement ring - it did not cost a bomb - infact the stone is my fiance’s grandmothers ring. However, I would feel more comfortable wearing just my plain wedding band and will do once we are married. I certainly don’t think this is disrespectful to my husband (to be) nor does he. I will wear both on special occasions / evenings out but every day no. I think sometimes people over think these things.. not wearing your engagement ring does not make you disrespectful to your husband nor less married than someone who does.
I love my engagement ring - it did not cost a bomb - infact the stone comes from my fiance’s grandmothers ring. However, I would feel more comfortable wearing just my plain wedding band and will do once we are married. I certainly don’t think this is disrespectful to my husband (to be) nor does he. I will wear both on special occasions / evenings out but every day no. I think sometimes people over think these things.. not wearing your engagement ring does not make you disrespectful to your husband nor less married than someone who does.
To all of you who say that you(or your fiance/husband as the case may be) would be hurt if your fiance/wife no longer wore her engagement ring after you were married and just wore a wedding band: Is this true even if you bought the ring knowing that she only wanted to wear a wedding band after you were married? My fiance really wanted to buy me some sort of engagement ring, even though I didn’t care and said I only wanted to wear a band post-marriage…so he bought me a rather inexpensive(though, I haven’t seen anything more expensive that I’ve liked anyway) engagement ring.
“No man will ever be happy with the idea of his wife not wearing the e-ring. He might be going along with it to make you ‘comfortable’ but he is secretly pissed about it, guaranteed.””
I really don’t see how he can be pissed about it if he knew when he bought it that I didn’t want to wear it after the wedding.
Mrs. Green Tea, Sacramento
Age and Occupation: 30, Tea Analyst
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Coffee Critic
Engagement Date: November 17, 2006
Wedding Date: August 23, 2008
Blogging Since: June 10, 2008
Venue: Vineyard on the Delta
About Me: I'm just your average obsessive compulsive, arts & crafts loving, funky-on-the-inside/boring-on-the-outside girl, who dares to say 'Hey! I can make that!' Nerdy professional by day, goofy won-ton by night. The won-ton sometimes comes out during the day when I'm fed the dollar breakfast at Ikea. Since our engagement, wedding planning has put me on high alert for bargains and I've been pushing my nimble fingers through callous building experiments!
It unnerved me too to be wearing something so valuable on my hand every day. I was really worried about it and actually didn’t want to wear it to work because I work with kids. But then I got over it because it did make my fiance happy, plus the setting was super low, lightweight and a comfort fit. I don’t notice it anymore.