Wedding Blog
I was watching TV at Mr. Martini’s apartment and happened to come across an episode of Bridezillas.
I’d never watched that show but I had heard about it, so I decided to tune in for a while. About 10 minutes into the episode, my mouth dropped open and didn’t close for the entire hour. This particular episode featured a bride who actually said the following words ON CAMERA regarding her future husband:
“I’ve got him wrapped around my pinky! I can’t wait until we get married because I will OWN him! I will own him and he will never see his friends again for as long as he lives. The second I put that ring on his finger he will never see the light of DAY!”
This was after she threatened to un-invite every single one of the groom’s friends to the wedding because someone jokingly bought him a T-shirt with the word “single” written on it, and he refused to tell her the name of the person that bought it.
This bride also handed her bridesmaid a larger sized dress while saying to her, “It looks as if you’ve been gaining weight lately, so I think THIS size will suit you better.” The next scene was of her bridesmaid walking out of the house in tears.
She also showed absolutely no respect for her parents and spoke to them as if they were toddlers. When her dad mistakenly broke a cup, she attacked him verbally with no mercy. When a couple of groomsmen wouldn’t take her manic yelling and talked back to her, she immediately demanded that her FIANCE apologize to her. Wait, what?
She obviously wore the pants in the relationship and treated her husband-to-be like… well… dirt.
I was completely engrossed in the episode, not because she was a Bridezilla, but because I thought there was NO way that this guy would actually walk down that aisle. I even called Mr. Martini (who was reviewing his fantasy football draft) out into the living room to watch it with me.
I think this girl had serious personality issues. She was just a mean person in general to everyone around her. The groom even admitted that before he met her at his new job at the time, his co-workers had warned him that she was not a nice person, so he wasn’t looking forward to meeting her. The bride admitted that she forced him to ask her out on a date. So she had issues. Major issues. Does this make her a Bridezilla?
Dictionary.com states that a Bridezilla is a “bride-to-be who focuses so much on the event that she becomes difficult and obnoxious.”
But Megan is an obnoxious person who just happened to be planning a wedding. I didn’t feel as if she was focused on anything other than her life’s mission, which was to be as mean as possible to anyone within a 10-mile radius of her, for no good reason.
On the other hand, sometimes I think that people tend to throw the word “Bridezilla” around in jest, sometimes a little too casually. Not that it has specifically happened to me (yet), but I see it all around me. If a bride is upset that her alterations to her dress came out wrong, she is a Bridezilla. If she is unhappy with the flowers because they were not what she originally had in mind, she is a Bridezilla. But planning a wedding is tough! It takes six months to a year to plan one day. If you were planning a non-wedding related event just as big, and something went wrong, would you see yourself as being obnoxious for being upset about it? I have respect for brides who have the organization skills to do it alone, and I can see why it can get stressful. But watching the unstable personalities of the people on the TV show, it seems that it would be offensive to be referred to as a Bridezilla just because you want things a certain way for your own wedding. At least, it would be offensive to me, especially since I do try my best to make things convenient for our guests and our wedding party.
Of course, I’m sure there are brides out there that let their planning get a little bit out of hand. I hope I don’t get pulled into that, but if I do, I expect my friends to put me in my place and bring me back to reality. At the same time, I want to be able to feel that it’s okay to cry a little, and complain a little, and be frustrated a little if something should ever go wrong—without feeling guilty about it.
What is your definition of a Bridezilla?
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I saw that episode that girl was awful, but the groom was just as stupid. First he put up with it but he was also upstairs playing video games instead of helping. Sometimes I feel sorry for the grooms and think why are they marrying these women but they must know.
I think a bridezilla is someone who doesn’t care about what other think, spends like there is no tomorrow and does whatever she needs to do to get what she wants.
I can’t really come up with a good definition of bridezilla of my own, but some examples come to mind of people who may have just gone overboard with wedding control, even though they might be totally normal people otherwise. I don’t think being picky about things (to a reasonable degree) constitutes bridezilla-ness.
Brides that “demand” things (not asking nicely or suggesting): expensive places to have bachelorettes/showers, money for the wedding from parents/family/whoever, gifts, special treatment for their special dayyyyyyy.
Brides who expect a lot of effort/money from their bridesmaids in general. This always bothered and confused me, since the idea was just supposed to be that you had good friends with you to be happy for you, not buy you things and be your servants.
Same thing goes for turning your family and friends into servants.
Brides who are inconsiderate of the well-being or happiness of others: pregnancy, other obligations that don’t allow people to come to said shower/bachelorette/whatever, illness.
Brides who exhibit gift grubbing and greediness in general.
Brides who forget that their SO may have an opinion about things, or disregard those opinions.
Do you think the people in that show are real? It’s so outrageous that I think they must be actors. The purpose of those kinds of reality shows are to make us, the viewer, feel good about ourselves because we’re better than the “real” people on the shows. Hence, we keep watching b/c we like to feel good.
I hate the word “Bridezilla.” It just leads to unfortunate stereotyping and justifies/propagates bad behavior. My two cents, FWIW!
I agree with Caroline, but if these women are actors–their performances are Emmy worthy. I think Miss Martini is closer to the reality of the situation: They’re obnoxious women with personality problems that happen to be planning weddings.
I watched an episode a few weeks ago and thought the same thing. How the heck can you marry someone who acts like that. Eventually one of the producers asked him on camera that very question, and he shrugged and said, well, its better than being alone. WHAT?!
I’m starting to wonder if its staged. I looked up the girl that Miss Martini referenced and in her bio she discusses how her single mom is paying for everything and had to refinance her house to do so. WHAT?!
Maybe I’m just hoping this is staged since I want to believe that there isn’t a daughter who would do that to her parents as callously as this girl does.
Miss Martini, I really enjoy you tackling this issue. Your thought on women who may be planning a non-wedding related event of the same size was a really good one. When I think of comparable events, I think of planning conferences, meetings, workshops. People not only spend months to years planning them, but they are applauded and typically regarded as more important to their field afterwards. If they get upset by details not going the way they want, they are seen as career forward people when they go to lengths to get things fixed.
I’m not condoning flipping out about trivial details, not by a long shot. Just because you choose to put your time and effort into confirming and celebrating a relationship that will last a lifetime, however, rather than a career that may or may not be what you do for the next 20 years, you are looked down on. Now I’m not trying to bash people who are fully into their careers, I’m pretty into mine and planning conferences as well. All I’m saying is that in the long run, isn’t a relationship just as important, if not more important to put a lot of time and effort into getting the event to be the sendoff of your dreams?
I’ve seen that episode. Lately, it seems like that show is focusing on girls that are like that all together… not just Bridezilla because of the wedding. It amazes me that the guys actually go through with it after being treated that way… I know mine wouldn’t!!
i saw that episode…and just cannot believe anyone from her life would put up with it, wedding stress or not, it’s so unbelievable.
I love that show, because it is so insane! I did hear one episode was fake though.
I have to say I was called Bridezilla once, by my friend, and it really hurt. I had sent those cute Martha Stewart cards to all of the bridesmaids, showing the dress choices (they have a choice of 4), with swatches, what type of shoes to get (strappy) and everyone’s info.
She called and said - “Wow Bridezilla aren’t we?”
I thought I was being organized and helpful by sending all their contact info, where and how to try on the dress, and the swatches…
I guess to some organized is a Bridezilla trait?
You should absolutely watch Sarah Haskins “Target:Women” about weddings. It is on current tv (meaning online) and absolutely hilarious. She really hits a number of issues straight on the head.
That show makes me so angry. What mystifies me is that women go on the show in the first place! They’re proud of thier obnoxious behavior!
To me a bridezilla is someone who lets the little things that can go wrong ruin her wedding day. Someone who expects her bridesmaids to be her slaves. That the world rotates on an axis around her because she’s getting married.
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I have major problems with the word “bridezilla.” I agree that the word is thrown out too easily, especially when referring to a bride that is being accretive. I think its intended meaning, when used to refer to a bride who is not difficult, is almost equivalent to the “c” word. In my own career I plan nonprofit fundraisers; I am accretive, specific, and proactive. Why then when I exhibit those same behaviors as a bride I am a “bridezilla?”
Those shows are most defiantly staged for entertainment purposes and give brides a bad reputation.
Wedding are stressful! I also agree that there should be no guilt in crying, complaining or felling a bit overwhelmed during the planning process. It’s a major life event!
My videographer swears its scripted and told me to watch the credits because there are writters.
I haven’t had a chance to see the credits to see if that’s accurate though.
I saw a series of episodes because the woman sucked me in. In not particular order here’s some of the things she did, mind you this was the second time she was marrying the SAME man:
When he presented her with the band he picked out for her, she called it a “piece of sh!t” then flicked it.
She tore her veil apart in another scene.
She assessed her maids and demanded a couple to stuff their bras (one of which was her 16yo daughter).
At the rehearsal dinner she stuck her hand in a guests birthday cake because it was HER day. She then smashed the fist full off cake in the face of the birthday girls husband.
I was sure he wouldn’t go thru with it but much to my surprise….he did. The fool!
Now I always TiVo it for laughs. The women featured are not bridezillas, they’re just hateful, miserable biatches…routinely. I think one can have bridezilla behavior where we might get stressed or whatever but its because we’re so focused on the goal.
Last night I was cutting tulle w/ my mom & MOH/sis. It wasn’t going well and I announced that I was getting upset. I eventually walked away because I was annoyed at the stupid tulle BUT I never yelled, shoved, or even swore. I was a bride focused on a task that got complicated. My awesome assistants just told me not to worry that no one would even notice and showed me an example of what they meant. Does that make me a bridezilla?? Sort of but not in the traditional sense.
Now if I had yelled, shoved or sworn that would certainly have been bridezilla like the witches on the show.
In the end I think there are “normal” bridezillas and “crazy” bridezillas. One is very temporary. The other is a chronic way of life.
I saw this episode too and was completely blown away! I still am in shock that the wedding went through!
I don’t have an exact definition, but I do agree that the term is used very loosely, which is not right!
I think some people do become kind of insane. I almost “broke up” with a friend of mine because she was so obsessed and stressed and freakish about her wedding. Let me tell you - the wedding was Immediate Family Only. Three of us threw her a bridal shower and we took half a day off work to help her get ready for the thing that we Were Not Permitted to Attend. She told me she burst into tears when she was getting a pedicure because she “was so stressed.” I thought, you’re insane. I quit. To me, that is bridezilla, someone who loses all perspective. Women who get stressed about planning a large party for 200+ (or fewer) people and who spend a year planning, that’s not bridezilla, that’s just stress. I mean, when Ms. (now Mrs.) CreamPuff wrote about bursting into tears at the place where they stitched her programs, that made perfect sense: she had poured her heart and tons of time into creating meaningful details for people she loved. And she’d been working on it for a LONG time, of course she was tired and stressed. That didn’t make her Bridezilla. I think that’s the difference, perspective. People throw around labels a lot, most of the time they do so too lightly to make the label meaningless. Some people are awful people (like the woman in that show) and some become insane and others just have reasonable responses in context.
Does anyone remember the Marsha and Archie episode, a few years back? Or the Regina episode?(I’ll never forget those!! it was quite unbelievable, like a Jerry Springer episode gone wrong) That was the first time I realized that people really behave badly in general, not just because their wedding is near.
What kind of person would disrespect friends and family like that, and on camera, for the world to see? I guess it has to go to that extreme for me to use that term. Regular wedding stress can’t qualify for being called a bridezilla.
I was called a bridezilla twice by mother for extremely trivial things.
In one case, my mom found a photographer (through a friend, she never even looked at his pics!) and had a fit when we said we didn’t like his style and we asked if we could select from another photographer in the same studio.
The second time it was because I thought it would be a good idea to leave the dressing off the salad and let our guests put it on themselves. I don’t like dressing and my fiance doesn’t like the main ingredient in the dressing option, so I was sparing us both. I figured surely we weren’t the only ones that prefer dressing on the side. That request earned me the second bridezilla tag.
A few months later she had started watching the show and apologized. I hate that term and hate how people think they can just throw it around. Having an opinion about something does not make one a bridezilla.
My definition of a bridezilla is a bride who expects everyone to bend over backwards to accomodate her own agenda.
I experienced one lately…she had multiple gift required events..an out-of-town stagette to a remote-nothing-to-do town..and an out of town wedding that lasted 3 days (because she didn’t want to get “too tired” by having a ceremony and reception on the same day).
But I do agree w/Miss Martini about the title “Bridezilla” tossed around carelessly.
@Kate: i did the same thing! I thought that giving an idea for the style of the bridemaid dress would make things so much easier for my girlfriends. I remember it was stressful when i was a moh because it took forever to decide on one dress. but then the feedback i got was that it was too short, too long, too exposed, not flattering, etc… so in the end i just decided to give them full control decide for themselves and i trust that they will decide on a dress that will be perfect. i realized i can’t choose one dress for 6 different body types.
i was just trying to help out, but even then i couldn’t help thinking, omg am i being a bridezilla? i would hate for them to think i was a bridezilla! I felt guilty for no good reason and i didnt like feeling apologetic for every opinion i had.
@Shasha: I’m pretty sure that since this is a ‘reality show’, the writers are actually editors who go through all the footage and decide how the storyline is going to go.
I can’t speak to if these girls are real or not (I can’t get over how poorly some of these women treat their friends and family!!), but I know they’re not all fake! It seems that one bride in my town is going to be on that show. I can’t wait until that episode is aired!
the women on that show are disrespectful, egotistical and unclassy. why else would they want to put themselves out there in such a fashion? that right there is proof that they are mentally messed up in the head.
I think I know the girl you were talking about! I saw previous episodes with her & like you, my mouth dropped. I’ve seen the show a few times & have seen some really bad brides, but she just went over the edge.
I’m not engaged or married (although I am with someone & he IS the ONE), but I don’t see wedding planning as a justifiable reason for flipping out like that. I understand getting stressed out, but that’s taking it too far.
@Natasha: PM me when its going to air so I can catch the craziness that unfolded in your town, haha.
You are right, anytime you want something specific about your wedding, you get called a bridezilla. I think some ppl think it’s funny, but i find getting called a bridezilla and compared to the show on tv more than a wee bit offensive.
Here’s my example:
last month we were meeting with the florist - my mom sister and i, and were talking about the centerpieces. Getting floral centerpieces were going to cost an extra $40 compared to just decorating around hurricane lamps. and i was working out w/ my mom how i would pay for the alterations on my dress to make up for the cost, cause I really wanted flowers for centerpieces. and my sister says, “oh, is jenn turning into a bridezilla??!!!!” i was like wtf I’m paying for the difference!
I saw that episode and could NOT believe how obnoxious this girl was. She COUNTED at her fiance like he was a toddler. Literally saying “if i get to 3 you’re going to get hurt.” She even did this at her rehearsal dinner in front of everyone. She demanded that he find her book and when she finally got it she helped it up and said to the entire bridal party “the reason i need this is because you are all too stupid to do what you’re told.” or something along that line. shocking.
can you imagine this woman as a mother?
@Jenn: ouch - honestly that is pretty much exactly my point! dont worry you were totally being understanding about covering the difference in other ways, and i hope you got your flowers!
@Quinnkd: omg i totally forgot about the counting! i remember thinking, is she for REAL???
This is an issue I’ve tackled before in this forum and other forums. Personality problems are one thing… you can call that person a bridezilla if you want to, but its more like “personality disordered”. Bridezilla is a word that now has us so on our tippie toes and best behavior. Vendors bandy it about as a way to control us.
I’m not an unassertive person, but when I was negotiating with my vendors I found myself turning into a pansy. Why? I was so afraid of being “that girl”. I wasn’t even myself! I reject the term bridezilla. Call girls like the ones in these episodes what they are, but don’t blame it on the wedding!
i HATE the word bridezilla.
To me, “bridezilla” refers to a bride who is extremely inconsiderate of everyone around her - family, friends, and guests - when it comes to anything directly or indirectly related to the wedding.
Which is why I find the word incredibly offensive. For me, the reason my wedding planning was so utterly stressful was because I felt like I went out of my way to be considerate of everyone else’s wishes and desires, often at the expense of things I myself wanted for our wedding. So whenever someone even jokingly mentioned that word, it would make me so upset, because it was probably the biggest insult they could make to me at the time.
Sunflower, I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned the word “perspective”. A bridezilla is a woman who has, in the course of planning a wedding, lost all perspective. Suddenly paying outrageous amounts of money or fuh-reaking out over (insert wedding hulabaloo here) isn’t crazy. Stress is one thing. Planning a wedding is stressful - you may be brought to tears from being overwhelmed. But, if you’re freaking over the difference between ivory and dark ivory - or making ridiculous demands of those around you - you’ve lost perspective and may be a bridezilla.
That said, I do think that word is thrown around too often and is aimed at disarming and assertive woman. People close to me have said they are afraid I might be a “bridezilla” becuase I am a strong, outspoken and, yes, particular woman. At the same time, I make it a point to keep my perspective in check.
I’ve also disarmed them by every so often busting out with “Bridezilla! GRRR!”. What? I find that funny!
It also blows my mind that the girls on that show are real. If I ever met someone like that, I swear, I would smack her upside the head for her own good! I agree with everyone above - she’s not a bridezilla, she’s just a mean person.
I got called a bridezilla a couple times but it was by Mr Breezy and he was just trying to be a big joker. He doesn’t actually know what a real bridezilla is so I just laughed (but told him that for his personal health and safety, he probably shouldn’t say it around anyone else).
First off–I love you ladies for bringing this issue out again and again. I think the nature of this blog, with its natural cycle of rotating authors, means that this question should be brought out as brides discover the site.
Honestly, I refuse to watch shows like Bridezilla and Whose Weddidng is it Anyway? because they are so toxic–they sour people who already hate weddings even further, and they give anyone trying to put one together a bad name. Especially when it seems like many weddings are influenced by family members as well–what if they are the ones who are being the zillas? What if the parents are trying to recreate their wedding (either side) or a sibling or cousin is trying to make it about them? Weddings, for better or for worse, are not just about two people–they are about two families. And we brides are castigated if we show preference in anything–it’s horrible.
Bottom line: if bridezilla is a term, so should in-lawzilla, MOH-zilla, etc. etc. (note: my MOH is not a zilla!!!!).
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Mrs. Martini, New Jersey
Age and Occupation: 30, Telecom by day, Superhero by night
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 32, Investments & Finance by day, Hip hop dancer by night
Engagement Date: May 24, 2008
Wedding Date: March, 2009
Blogging Since: August 18, 2008
Venue: The Venetian
About Me: Things that make me happy: Haribo Happy Cola gummies, TV shows on DVD, buying books although I never read them, 80’s rock ballads, ramen, and of course Mr. Martini! He is the calm, logical and number crunching finance guy. I can’t even multiply double digit numbers in my head and I am so indecisive that trying to choose between light green or slightly lighter green paper stresses me out (Wedding planning is going to be soooo much fun). We both find great joy in nabbing great seats at the movie theater for a blockbuster movie on opening weekend, and we are both absolutely crazy about snowboarding. And he loves to cook, I love to eat!
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