First Look
September 17th, 2008 @ 5:01 pm by Miss Hot Cocoa
This Sunday I subjected Mr. HC to yet another “Bridezillas” marathon. (That show is like a bad car accident that I just can’t turn away from.) In the middle of an episode with a particularly awful behaving bride in a particularly awful looking periwinkle dress, Mr. HC turned to me and said, with some trepidation in his voice: “I hear your dress isn’t strapless.” “Um, who told you that?” I asked him. “My mom—but she didn’t mean to tell me; she just told me that it was beautiful.” “Hmm,” I replied. “Yep, not strapless.” “Oh,” said Mr. HC, with a trace of concern.
It occurred to me then that we’ve gone to something like ten weddings in the last two years, and that every bride, except for one, wore a strapless dress. After I assured Mr. HC that I wasn’t going to be rockin’ some 80s pouf sleeves or some wackadoodle, high-necked homage to the nuns in the Sound of Music, he seemed a little bit less worried.
But, of course, now I’m worried.
As I’ve said before, Mr. HC and I have very different aesthetics: he’s Brooks Brothers (classic, straight-laced), and I’m Anthropologie (flirty, quirky). He likes to blend in, while I like to stand out. There have definitely been times when my outfits have puzzled him. And while I usually don’t dress to please him, I do want him to be floored by how I look that day. In fact, I want the reaction Ellen had to seeing Portia for the first time on their wedding day (the whole video is so touching, but forward to 1:30 to see their first look moment):
I know this doesn’t make any sense mathematically, but I’m both 110% sure Mr. HC will love my wedding day look, and yet 5% worried that he’ll be disappointed.
Do you and your groom have different styles and tastes? Do you worry whether your SO will love or hate your wedding attire?
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41 Responses to “First Look”
I think your FI is marrying the woman he fell in love with, quirks and different tastes and all. He’s going to be blown away by you regardless of what you wear. Pick something that you love and feel comfortable with and he’ll love it.
And no, I don’t worry about it because it’s not about that at all. It’s about the day before and the next day and every day after. 
It’ll be perfect. Don’t worry.
I’m a bit worried as well, as he has said repeatedly that he doesn’t like dresses that are beaded and sparkly…and mine is beaded and sparkly. I’ve slyly shown him a picture of it (without him knowing it was my dress) and he said it wasn’t bad, but a picture doesn’t really convey the sparkle. I try to reassure myself that he will hopefully be focusing on me in the dress and not the dress itself.
yes. my fiance’s style is very clean and modern and I am more romantic and frilly. I had him look at 4-5 dresses on the runway models, one being my own, and asked his opinion on each. He said he was sure I would make any of those dresses look a million times better than those models on our wedding day that’s why i keep him around! but ellen’s wedding video seriously made me tear up!! so beautiful. does anyone know what song that is playing at the end? those voices sound sooo familiar!
My fiance prides himself off having better fashion sense than me. He’s my little fashionista. So naturally, I’ve worried about whether he will love my dress. My dress isn’t strapless…in fact, it’s off the shoulder with some actual sleeve-age. I know, quite bold of me. But I’m not worried. Like Miss Dumpling said, I know he will be smitten with it. You will be gorgeous and he will think you look fabulous!!
yes! there was a bride wearing a dress almost exactly like mine on who’s wedding is it anyway and he hated it. eeeek
You used the word wackadoodle! That just made my whole day.
I am super worried! My dress is so beaded and sparkly, I’m just not sure that is his thing. He really doesn’t care about clothes at all or show his emotion much, so while I want a big reaction I know I probably won’t get it.
PS: Love love love Ellen and Portia’s wedding video. I kept meaning to TiVo that episode because I wanted to see these clips. Thanks for sharing it here!
@Miss Dumpling: You did look beautiful in that Vera, but you look radiant in the one you chose!!
@Andria: Thanks for the reassurance. I kind of know that, but not — you know what I mean?
@Miss Fondue and @Allison: I’m not convinced that men really know what “bead and sparkly” means. I think they’re picturing a disco ball or a drag queen outfit; definitely not the beautiful gowns I’m sure you two will be wearing.
@pancy: Awww!
@carly7215: Ooh, your dress sounds gorgeous!
@Miss Pineapple: Hahahaha. Of course what will happen is that he’ll see you in the dress, be floored, and will have no idea that it was the same dress he’d seen on that show!
@mrshudson: 
Don’t worry! Many more brides are bucking the strapless trend… including me! Which is kind of funny because I usually wear strapless dresses to weddings. Yeah for non-strapless!!
Super worried. My fiance’s style is pretty simple and traditional (he’s a cop, so he wears a uniform most days and couldn’t care less about fashion when he’s off), while mine is a little edgier. My dress is a combination of vintagey and modern, but is definitely pretty different (I designed it with a friend of mine and it’s being made), so I’m worried that he won’t “get” it or think it’s bridal enough. At the end of the day I know he’ll love whatever I wear and just be glad to be marrying me, but I’m still a little concerned! Thanks for this post, it’s good to know other brides are in the same boat.
Oh what a relief to read other perspectives. My fiance thinks that unless a dress is skin-tight, it isn’t pretty. Um, sorry, but that isn’t really the look I’m trying to convey on my wedding day. I’ve shown him dresses in mags that I’ve liked and he’s hated every single one of them! Haha. I’m not too concerned, though, because it’s hard for him to tell any dresses apart, plus whenever I show him a dress on the hanger and he hates it, he tends to like it once it’s actually on me. So I’m just hoping that he’ll like whatever I’m wearing. Truthfully, I doubt he’ll even notice. Men tend not to notice details the way we think they do
I really wanted a non-strapless dress but halter didn’t look right, spaghetti straps didn’t look right and I never got as far as cap-sleeves. I did buy a strapless dress in the end but I’ve been thinking of throwing some cap sleeves on there just to rally against the strapless dress. It’s fine strapless too.
I think my FI (as well as your FI) will love whatever dress you will be in!
My dress wasn’t strapless. It also had no lace, no beads, and no sequins. It was gorgeous, and it was absolutely my style. Everybody, including DH loved it - even my mom, who I know really had something much more ornate in mind.
I don’t know why you would marry someone who seriously did not like your taste or style! For me, it would get old pretty fast to be worrying all the time about whether what makes me feel pretty is going to make him roll his eyes. DH’s style is really quite different than mine - in fact his wedding ensemble cost much more than mine (we call him The Peacock). But he appreciates and loves my style too, and will often flag a page in a catalog or stop at a store window and say “That looks just like my girl.”
Pancy’s man has the right attitude. And if your man doesn’t think you look gorgeous in the dress that makes you feel gorgeous, the problem is not with your taste - it’s with his attitude.
My DH accidentally caught a glimpse of my dress a few months prior to the wedding (guess I didn’t hide the pictures on our computer as well as I thought) and he didn’t give much of a reaction and I was worried. He just kept saying “I didn’t really see it for long enough to pay attention.” After 10 years of dating, I suspected he was full of it. My dress was tiered w/ lace panels divided by ribbon. I had set out to find a very plain dress. It wasn’t over the top but it had a lot more going on than I had first planned.
After the wedding he admitted to being concerned about the dress at first but once he saw me on our wedding day he was floored at how beautiful I looked. Throughout the shopping process I kept thinking how much easier it would be if he had been with me.
@pancy: The singer is Josh Radin. He’s friends w/ Zach Braff, so his music was in a lot of Scrubs episodes, and in The Last Kiss. His music has also been on a lot of other shows (check out his wiki article). He just released a new album and is touring — you should definitely check him out.
Oh, I fully cried at Ellen’s beautiful video and photo montage.
Mr. Cocoa will love your dress, I’m sure…
I’ve showed fiance the dresses that I’ve tried on and liked. I guess I don’t go in for that whole superstition thing. We make all of our decisions together. Why not this one?
Sigh, I’ve always got to buck tradition!
Actually we tend to have different tastes. I tried very hard not to cave into the strapless, however I realized it wasn’t making me very happy to make a statement rather than going with what I really loved. So I went with what I truly wanted and got a strapless all Alecon lace dress!
As for fiance? He was there when I bought it! We’ve no secrets and I’m not worried about the big reveal because with all the other stuff done on the day of it’s a completely different effect. Its just nice to know that he love what I have bought!
Ms. Cocoa, I had the same concern– we have different styles too (like you, he’s brooks brothers and I’m more eclectic). Wait til you have to decorate the house– ahhh, that’s another story.
But that day, just a month ago, when I walked down the aisle, he smiled in a way like I”ve never seen. And when we got up on the altar, he said– “You are stunningly beautiful.” And you know what? You will be too– because it is STUNNING to look at the person you’re going to marry, and it has nothing to do with the dress.
I hear yah! I’m a little worried too :-/ So glad I’m not alone on this one
I know how you feel!!!!
My dress is off the shoulder (woohoo for no tube top tuggin! or looking like a line backer!! (which in a strapless i do)). The off the shoulder is a BEAUTIFUL line on my neck and shoulders. Its graceful and elegant. But what worries me is I had my make up done at MAC for a (secret) boudoir shoot the other day. I told him it was free and I was just trying out the lashes and asked what he thought of the make up. I had me some SUPER SEXY smokey eyes (much darker than what I’d wear for the wedding but I looked damn good) and his response was “it doesnt look like you. its ok.” =0 Could have knocked me over with a feather. I am not normally an “elegant” person - is he going to think I look weird in my dress? No - I could wear a brown potato sack and he’d love and marry me…. but still…. 5% I understand.
@ Pancy:
The song is “Today” by Joshua Radin. It’s a beautiful song and I’m in the process of doing our wedding photo montage to it. I just finished one for my best friend and her husband that’s hosted on our website for their anniversary today.
@ Miss Hot Cocoa…
Your fiance is going to love what you look like no matter what. He’s going to be looking at you beaming as you walk down the isle. Don’t worry!
I am like doctorgirl; my husband went dress shopping with me some of the time! He hadn’t been too involved with planning early on, but DID voice an opinion about the dress — he liked haltery, low-low-cut types (natch!). I could have gone that route, but it wasn’t me so much and didn’t exactly fit (I didn’t think) with our ranch-y, casual, southwest-themed wedding. But basically I tried on different dresses (couldn’t find too many of the v-cut ones like he liked), and fell in love with one — which he also liked very much!
We are older than the average marrying couple, so maybe that’s one reason why I didn’t try to surprise him with the dress on the big day. We share everything so much that it would have been hard. We also didn’t avoid seeing each other that day — woke up together and spent the morning doing stuff for the wedding. In the afternoon, at the venue, we did get split up, and I missed him all afternoon! Too funny. But he still had a beautiful smile on his face during the whole wedding and reception. 
I agree with everyone else — he’ll love how you look regardless! But then, I think you will be beautiful no matter what! 
@manhattanlawyer: LOL on the tight dress, and I think you are totes right that most men probably wouldn’t even notice the details.
@doctorgirl and @lilythespitfire: Yay for making the decision together! I would have loved to do that, but I don’t think Mr. HC would have the patience to sit through the hundred dresses I tried on.
@Turtle: Aw. That’s lovely. And I kind of *know* that’s what’s going to happen with Mr. HC as well, but it doesn’t stop me from worrying. LOL.
@Starry-Eyed Barefoot Bride: Ooh sexy boudoir shoot! I’m sure you were spicy. I’m impressed that your fiance even noticed you had special make up on! I’m not sure Mr. HC would pick up on that.
@Debi: Love that song — and Josh Radin in general.
I totally agree about bridezillas it is a train wreck you can’t turn away from. Also I swear my FI got me addicted to it and not the other way around. That bride in the periwinkle (not blue) also made everyone where white to her wedding and she was a professional wedding coordinator. I would never hire her after watching that.
My dress has pick ups and I love them and the sparkle on the bodice. My FI saw a dress with pick ups and was like I don’t get that. Uh what I tried to play it cool but he did say that no matter what I am wearing he is going to love it because I am in it. Yeah cheesy and I am sure he said it to make me feel better but it is true.
@Miss Dumpling: OMG — after my first dress was ruined, I got a Priscilla dress, and I showed him some styles, he was all… “fine, okay, that works,” until I showed him the dress style I got — and he was like, “Ugh, I hate when dresses get tight then flare like that.” I know what you’re saying!!!
Um… uh oh! I know he won’t even notice on the wedding day, but I’m still a little nervous about him liking it — even though I know it’s a knockout on me!
i seriously could have shown up in a dress from wal-mart… okay maybe at least target, and he woulda loved it anyway. i put my money on you taking his breath away. and hey, this (and anything else you don’t much have control over) is not worth worrying about, silly!
I’ve totally worried about that too! My FI has a really exacting sense of taste–and sometimes directly the opposite of mine, but I can’t figure out exactly when!
But here’s my theory: No guy’s sense of fashion is going to override his reaction to you in all your glory on your wedding day. That’s it. He’s going to be wound up, and just seeing you is going to take his breath away (hey, she actually showed!). And the dress? His first impression will probably just be that’s it’s white “and stuff” no matter how exacting his taste is.
‘Least, that’s what I tell myself. I’ll have to find out if that’s the case after my wedding
You are totally speaking my language sister! I think that your store examples might represent me and the FI to a tee! I really wonder what he will think, because every time I think I look super cute and really fashionable he makes fun of me and asks if I think I should be on Sex and the City. The boy just has no taste, and so I am not going to let it dictate what I wear, but I will make sure he understands how cute I look after. Even if I have to explain it to him
Mr. Avocado always tells me that he probably won’t like the dress as much as I do, he will just like me inside of it, so I try not stress about it too much. He will be so overwhelmed by the moment, like GT said, it won’t matter what hte little details are or where you got it!
@bugaboo: LOL at your last comment — Mr. HC was totally mystified (and sort of impressed) that at a recent wedding I was able to compliment the bride on her Louboutins. He just couldn’t believe that I a) noticed her shoes under the big gown, b) knew what brand of shoes they were, and c) knew that the bride would be totally psyched about them. I’m all about educating him!
@Miss Avocado: That’s a very cute line!
I was worried about the same thing b/c my husband kept commenting on how much he hated poofy dresses and although I didn’t think mine was that poofy he made comments on other dresses we would see that were similair to mine and remark that they were still pretty poofy. In the end I got exactly the reaction I was dreaming of, mayeb he was caught up enough in the moment to not pay attention to the poofiness but he looked at me like I always hoped to be looked at on my wedding day.
oh my god i watched most of the marathon with half of my wedding party, boys and all! we eat that stuff up. “do the two step, do the two step!” when she ate popeye’s at the nail salon, i nearly died of laughing hahaha. love it!
You will look GREAT!!! I love that you chose a non-strapless dress (I chose one as well). I think that strapless dresses are beautiful, but everyone wears them and it’s such a great idea to be a “different” bride. You will look beautiful and your husband-to-be will LOVE IT!!!
that was sooo “ugh” of your MIL.
i hear you girl…..nothing wrong with being concerned about this. i think its pretty normal.
i’m aiming to make my FI cry. no, seriously…..thats the effect i’m going for.
i haven’t asked his opinion on what kind of dresses he likes bc…..well….bc it never occurred to me. but he thinks i look amazing in everything. so i’m not worried.
i do have a feather fascinator…..not sure if he will “get it” or not, but i’m confident he’ll think its cool bc its feathers. and he knows my style….i like to be just a little bit different.
right now we’re both waiting to see what I’ll look like in my dress! hehe.. my dress saga continues.
Oh, you described Bridezillas PERFECTLY! A car accident that you can’t turn away from…
i think it would be really funny to have two dresses. a pouf sleeved 80s gown to throw him off for the first meeting and then the real one you wear down the aisle. but im weird that way. and ive already had my wedding and shoot about 30 a year so im always thinking of ways to keep things fresh - ha!
There have been so many times I showed Mr. J a shirt or a dress I bought and he was meh. And then as soon as I put it on, he thought it looked great. Sometimes guys just have to see it on– I think it’s the whole visual thing. Trust your style judgment– Mr. HC will undoubtedly be blown away.
Miss Hot Cocoa, Boston/Los Angeles
Age and Occupation: 31, JD/PhD Student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 32, Medical Student
Engagement Date: May 30, 2008
Wedding Date: March, 2009
Blogging Since: April, 2008
Venue: Ritz Carlton, Marina Del Rey
About Me:
I am a professional student by day and an amateur cupcake taster, bargain shopper, and wedding planner by night. I am obsessed with NPR, the Food Network, paper, dance shows, Anthropologie, post-structuralist theory, Weddingbee!, "The Office," and celebrity gossip. When not procrastinating from my dissertation, I spend time catering to Jellyby, our overly anxious shih tzu, and getting to know Mr. Hot Cocoa. We have only been dating for fifteen years, so it's like I'm in love with a stranger! From the East Coast, we are planning a Jewish-Chinese Extravaganza in L.A., where we both grew up.
OMG YES. He loved that Vera Wang dress I blogged about and he said he had never seen someone look so beautiful…this was after I lost the dress and showed it to him. Then, I was watching Say Yes to the Dress on TLC and I go “hey, do you like that dress?” (because it was similar to my Priscilla) and he goes “no, I never understood those tight dresses that flare at the bottom. They arent flattering.” So, yeah- just a bit worried. But Im sure the boy will love what im wearing…even if I wore a little black dress to walk down the aisle. =)