Second-Guessing the DWess
September 18th, 2008 @ 2:10 pm by Miss Sea Breeze
I’m sure almost everyone has done it at least once.
Some girls do it more than once. Some might not want to admit it, but they’ve done it too.
C’mon girl, you know what it is. You’ve been there, too.
That’s right, folks. The dreaded SECOND-GUESSING OF THE DRESS.
Here’s how it works: Glassy-eyed, smiling and loving the world, you’ve happily smacked down your non-refundable deposit for what is obviously the most amazing, most gorgeous, most PERFECT dress in the world. With wings on your feet, you float out of the store and can’t possibly imagine how you will live through the next four to six months as you wait for your wedding dress to arrive.
You’re still in full-on bridal mode though, so while you wait, you can’t resist the magnetic pull of all the magazines, online shops, and real-world bridal stores out there. So you poke your nose into one… and then another… and another. And you leave each one feeling smug and satisfied—your dress is still the most perfect dress for you, and you’re happy.
Then one day…
…DUM-DUM-DUM…
IT happens.
(This is another Not For Mr. Breezy’s Eyes Production, hint hint, nudge nudge.)
When I found my Destination Wedding dress (a.k.a. the DWess) back in November, a mere month after Mr. Breezy proposed, we were still not sure that we would be having a destination wedding in the Dominican Republic. The topic had come up, but it was still in the early stages of discussion, so when I went shopping with Mama Sea Breeze, it was sort of in my mind, but not really. I definitely hadn’t done any research as to what other girls wear for their destination weddings. I loved my dress so much that the DW factor didn’t really enter my mind as I happily paid my deposit.
That is, not until later.
Once we decided that we were definitely having a DW, I started perusing all sorts of forums in my quest for information, and I became totally fixated on what I thought a destination wedding dress was “supposed” to look like: all flowy and chiffon-y and… breezy!
All dresses captured from Best Destination Wedding Forum. #2 by Monique Lhuillier (Kimora); #6 by Tara Keely; #7 by Maggie Sottero (Ireland); #8 by Nicole Miller.
I started to worry that my dress wasn’t appropriate for a DW. It definitely was NOT chiffon-y and breezy. It was more modern and structured. Would I be too hot? Would I be uncomfortable?? Would I look stupid???
Then one day on my lunch hour, I popped into BCBG, and I saw this: a very, very similar dress to my own—still tiered and modern, yet made in a way which was also oh-so light and beachy.
And on top of everything, it was, of course, less than half of what I had committed to paying for the other dress. I promptly had a melt-down.
Had I bought the wrong dress?
Thankfully, as I walked back with heart pounding and hands wringing, I had the presence of mind to call my bridesmaid Miss P and then Mama Sea Breeze. Both talked me off the ledge, so to speak, saying that yes, the dress was lovely, but I only had ONE chance in my life to wear an honest-to-goodness ‘big huge wedding dress’ (as I called it) and that I should wear whatever wedding dress I wanted—beach or no beach!
Whew! Thank goodness for them.
Once I calmed down, because they were right, of course, I went back to the forums and realized that there actually are dresses there posted by other DW gals that look just like the dresses you’d see at any other wedding… lots and lots of them!
I had panicked and second-guessed my dress unnecessarily. But hey, it happens to the best of us. I blame it on stress.
Did you second-guess your wedding dress purchase? How did you get over it (or not)?
Related Posts
33 Responses to “Second-Guessing the DWess”
@Vic004: I should have mentioned, this second-guessing event happened before my first fitting. I had found and put a deposit down on my dress and then wandered around for 6 months with only a bad picture to remind me what it looked like (taken secretly in the dressing room)! When I finally saw it again, all my doubts disappeared. 
Im having a DW and Im having both the dreamy dress and the ‘DW dress’
Ah yes, I was also a victim of worrying about what I “should” look like, according to blogs, wedding fashion, etc. But you gotta go with what you love and what makes you feel beautiful. There is no rule you need to follow to look like a bride at *your* wedding. I had second thoughts too, and even bought a more traditional dress, which I ended up selling. Here’s what I wore - and I’m glad I did!
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3072/2652657301_6e5582e8d1_o.jpg
luckily my dress was OTR, so I can try it on whenever, but I haven’t let myself…I was surprised that the trumpet style looked best on me, but now I feel more pressured to tone up, and I love dancing & wonder how inhibited (sp?) I’ll be…I try to concentrate on the good deal & how I love the neckline, that I didn’t see anywhere else!
Last year I was in Tofino, BC when I aw an intimate destination wedding on the beach. The bride wore a beautiful ball gown style wedding dress. It was stunning! Made all the more stunning by the fact that it was juxtaposed against such a raw and natural beauty!
Wear your dress. Wear it proud! You will look beautiful!
The same thing happened to me! I had a horrible time finding a dress (you’d think my hourglass figure would be a blessing, but the huge poufy dresses I was so drawn to did nothing for my hips) and then one day I found The One. Fast forward a huge non-refundable deposit and 4 months and I was absolutly dreading my first fitting 
All I had were horrible pictures of me in the too small, ivory dress to remind me that maybe I should have done a little more shopping. i swear I was dripping in sweat and shaking when i went to my first fitting, so horribly afraid that maybe it wasn’t really The One. Well, in the correct size (now too big, actually!!) and much more flattering (on me) bright white fabric, it is absolutly stunning. I fell in love with it all over again and can’t imagine what i was so worried out this whole time. My next fitting is next weekend - I can’t wait to put it back on!!!
Great Pick!!!!!!!!!
@Miss Sea Breeze: I think that’s normal. I went the opposite direction–I went with a really simple dress that is probably perfect for a beach wedding (think minimalist silk halter with an a-line skirt, but without any crinoline or similar underneath), but then I thought–eh, maybe I should have gone with a bigger dress. Then I tried it on and was similarly convinced I went the right way.
My second-guessing happened after I bought the dress but before it came in. I couldn’t really remember what it looked like and every time I tried to describe it, it sounded totally hideous. Plus I was having huge trepidation because I didn’t try it on myself before I bought it–the sample in the store was too small, so I had my sister try it on for me. But as soon as the dress came in and I tried it on for the first time, I knew I’d made the right choice. Now those pretty dresses in wedding magazines hold no power over me.
your dress is so perfect! Did you ever mention the designer/model? I think I missed it… Can you share?
Your dress is SO beautiful on you, I’m so glad you aren’t changing it! Your FI is going to completely love it when he sees you!!
@Gery: What a great idea. I know other girls who do that so they can trash one of them in a photo shoot.
@Maude: Beautiful!
@Karen: What a lovely image. Thanks for the vote of confidence!
@brendalynn: It’s Allure Exclusive Bridal P740.
Your dress looks so much better on you than the BCBG one!
I think #5 & #6 are both Amy Michelson… that’s where my dress for my Miami wedding came from!
I <3 your dress — totes gorgeous. But if I looked super hot in even a potato sack, like I’d imagine you would, I totally would have dress schizophrenia too.
Ditto Nstar…the 2nd dress doesnt even COMPARE to your real dress, SB! Like, not even in the same universe.
I second, and third guessed my dress(es), which is how I became a 4 dress bride. Lots of stress, and money, later I finally found THE dress, and it couldn’t be MORE different then the poofy princess dresses I had bought before.
Your DWess is super pretty and looks great on you! Good choice!
annnnnnd…now I have some inspiration to put those other dresses to good use…TTD session!
I like the original dress! You made a good choice.
I wore a big dress on the beach. Yes, I dragged it in the sand. So what? Maybe my legs were a little hot under there. So what? I loved the dress, case closed.
I agree - your wedding is YOUR day, and I ADORE your initial dress! Your wedding day is the one day to do whatever YOU want to do, be it wear a fancy schmantzy dress in the sand or dive in the ocean with it on! ;o)
Ah, I understand the comment now! 
Your dress is beautiful, and you look great in it!
I think your dress is actually a wonderfully happy medium between a “destination”-esque dress and a traditional one. You look great in it now and it will look even better at the wedding.
your dress is gorgeous! stop worrying or you will drive yourself crazy!
I totally feel ya on the second guessing! Almost DAILY I see other dresses calling my name…
You look AWESOME in your dress and I agree with the others — dress 2 doesn’t hold a candle to your DWess!!
don’t second guess - I’ve done the same thing. you’re dress is perfect, and doesn’t need to fall into some stereotypical catergory of what a DW dress is supposed to look like!
you’re going to look beautiful
I love dress #2, but your dress is lovely. We all second guess our dresses, though, and I have at least 3 times.
A friend of mine got married here (UK) and in her home country, South Africa. In the UK she wore a slinky dress that looks rather like the destination dresses you’ve listed. But in South Africa, walking down the beach with her husband in light trousers and a linen shirt, she wore a huge mocha-coloured ballgown; strapless, fitted corset bodice with a great big ruffled skirt.
And she looked fantastic, I’m sure you will too!
i never found ‘the one’ dress, i just picked one that worked but then drooled over plenty others all the time after that.
and giiirrlll you are sexy! call me!
I live and am getting married on Maui. My sister’s getting married here 3 mos before me. Her dress is flowy, fitted, beachy, sexy. Mine is tailored, A -line, pretty much the opposite of all of those things. Every time I see hers, I worry about whether my dress is “right.” But then, yesterday, my dress arrived. I put it on the instant I got home, and it is SO the perfect dress for me. Even though it’s not Maui-ish at all.
I think that your original dress is REALLY pretty and absolutely appropriate for a beach wedding. I actually didn’t like the similar “more beachy” one much at all, but I LOVE your first dress. Go with what you love! You’ll always find other things/people/dresses to compare with your things/yourself/your clothes but what you really want isn’t what’s perfect for a “beach” wedding or what’s perfect for anyone else…you want what’s perfect for YOU! And in my opinion, that’s the first dress
Unfortunately, I made a very rash decision (after trying on dresses in only 1 shop), then ordered a dress from China (disaster) before finding my dream dress. Geez louise. But I think it’s pretty funny that I now own three dresses, and at least the first two were really inexpensive!
I know this point is a bit mute by now, but I just wanted to say that your first dress runs rings around that bcbg one. I know and totally understand why you like it-the chiffon, the flowiness, but in all honesty, the first one really looks 10x better on you!
Miss Sea Breeze, Vancouver/Dominican Republic
Age and Occupation: 30, Communications Manager
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Experiential Marketing Director
Engagement Date: October 6, 2007
Wedding Date: November, 2008
Blogging Since: July 17, 2008
Venue: Majestic Colonial Resort, Punta Cana
About Me: Planning a destination wedding by the sea should be (oh no she di-in't…) a breeze (…*sigh* yep, she did) but when you've never been to the Caribbean, your powers of imagination are really put to the test. Luckily, I'm 90% resourceful, creative optimist (and kooky, neurotic practicalist-if-that's-a-word for the other ten). Other than planning our week-long celebration of family, friends, laughter and love, I adore books, shoes and… you guessed it… long walks on the beach.
ooh your wedding dress is perfect, I am glad you got over your worries! I am in the regretting mode right now, I’m trying not to think about it! I don’t think it will go away until it actually arrives and I can try it on again. booo!!