Wedding Blog
I read an absolutely delightful essay the other day in the newspaper, all about a charming 84-year-old grandma’s thoughts on her grandson’s non-traditional wedding. If you have a couple minutes, I highly recommend it.
In brief, this wedding, which took place a few months ago on Prince Edward Island, incorporated many of the more funky trends I’ve heard about lately. There were movie-poster-style save the dates, ‘bridesmen’ instead of maids, a wedding party decked out in matching (green!) sneakers, eclectic music choices and readings from darling children’s storybooks.
The grandma not only took it all in stride, but seemed to be genuinely tickled by the unexpected twists. I wanted to give her a great big hug at the end of the article. That’s how much I loved it.
Inevitably, after reading, I got to thinking about my own grandma, or rather, ‘Babcia’ as I call her.
Babcia (pronounced ‘bap-cha’; it means ‘granny’ in Polish) is my mama’s mama and she’s 86. (Sadly, I never got to meet my other Babcia in person.) She lives in a little rural town in Eastern Poland called Janów, near Białystok.
Isn’t she so adorable you just wanna SQUEEZE her?
Even though I’ve only met Babcia three times—when I was one, fifteen, and nineteen—we have a special bond.
This is a picture of me when I was nineteen; I was studying in France for a year, which gave me the opportunity to pop down to Poland for a Christmas I’ll never forget.
The first time I went to visit her there when I was fifteen, she was still washing clothes in the river and to make a phone call to her daughter in the next village, she still had to dial the operator and ask her to connect them. I’m not even exaggerating.
So, it’s not so surprising that the only time Babcia ever traveled anywhere in her life was once to Canada when my brother was born, and I was one year old.
I was so enraptured by Babcia that I insisted on wearing a handkerchief on my head just like her… even months after she’d gone back to Poland.
Tomorrow I’m popping some wedding invitations in the mail to Poland—one to Babcia, and a couple others to some family and friends. We know that coming to the wedding is not a possibility for them, but I’m sending the invitations along anyway with a note (and a Polish translation) to make them feel like they are a part of the celebration, and to ask them to think of us and pray for us.
I wonder what Babcia will say when she sees it.
Will she think we’re strange for getting married in the Caribbean? Will she be bewildered that we asked all our family and friends to fly there and celebrate with us? Will she be confused at what kind of reception it could possibly be without back-to-back polkas and waltzes? Will she be shocked that I’m planning on dragging my wedding dress through the sand and ocean at a sunrise photo session?
Maybe. But then again, maybe not.
I can’t help thinking that somewhere behind that weathered face with its mischievous smile is a young girl just like me, and that our bond connects us despite the miles and the decades.
Somehow, I think she’ll understand.
What do you think your grandparents will/would say about the non-traditional elements of your wedding?
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Share this post: What Would Babcia Say?
Seabreeze - I LOVED this post. So well written, touching and funny. And those pics! You’re such a cute baby, and I love the short hair in college. Your granny is a lucky lady to have you. 
I really liked this post as well, although I think you aren’t helping the image of Poland when you say she washes clothes in the river Seriously, people ask me if they have things like cars or electricity there. It’s pretty outrageous how uninformed people are about the country. I’m excited to meet both of Mr. Avocado’s grandma’s though, and to have my first Christmas in Poland this December!
aww i love the picture (and idea) of you with the handkerchief on your head! i wanted to read that article but couldnt without paying 
My grandma is really taking everything in stride. I guess she knows better at 82 than to try to argue or change my mind, whereas my mom still thinks she can exert some control over me!
Both my FI’s grandmas live in Korea and won’t make it to our wedding next year. Makes me very sad to think about it.
Such a lovely post. Your words are so touching. I’m sure your Babcia is so proud of her granddaughter!
This post made me misty and nostalgic for the precious times I spent with my grandmother. She passed away a few years ago. During our last conversation, she got so excited talking about my weeding. I wasn’t even engaged at the time.
No matter what kind of wedding you have, I’m sure your Babcia will be very proud of you. And I’m sure it will be a blessed day.
sad. the website wants $4 to read that article.
My Lola lives in the Philippines, so fat chance of her coming to Maryland for our wedding. I think she is my only living relative that would object to our wedding only because we’re not getting married in church. We will however, go take a nice photo outside the church across the street from our museum to send to her. I don’t think she really knows that our marriage will be civil only….
well I being a rockabilly gal myself and my nanny getting married in the 50’s being a tuff non-tradish gal herself, I think she would love it all. I am wearing a red dress, showing my tattoos, being walked down the aisle by my 11 yr old son, my 10 yr old is the best dude and my late best friend James’ daughter is my maid of honor… my boys are wearing tuxedo t-shirts and my invitations were old 45 vinyl records that I relabeled, my wedding screams unconventional…. and I think she’d love it.
i know my wedding is closer than i expect, as this post made me tear up. beautifully written!
i suspect many other brides have similar babcias, even if they aren’t polish. fantastic post!
The pictures of your grandmother brought tears to my eyes. What an incredibly special bond you have.
The absence of my grandparents on my wedding was felt but I am so fortunate to have been welcomed into my husband’s family as one of their own. I now have 3 new grandparents to love.
Aww, you make me think of my own Babcia, who passed away almost 20 years ago. I hope to elude some of her style and grace on my wedding day by wearing a ring and a broach of hers.
Thank you for sharing the pics of your Babcia with us! All but one of our grandparents have passed, and Mr. Peng’s grandpa is not well enough to travel, but I think they would have all loved the new fangled non traditional parts of the wedding. My grandma might have not been so crazy about the fact that we didn’t get married at a church, though!
Aw, my mum sent me that article. I think my grandmothers will both be happy that we won’t be living in sin anymore, and the rest will just be details! 
My grandfathers have both passed, but I know that they’ll be there in spirit.
I’m so sorry that link to the website requires a subscription now! Luckily I captured it, so if you want to read it, message me with your email address.
@Miss Avocado: Well, not all of Poland is like this. The big cities are just as advanced as we are… sometimes more so (like when it comes to fashions! You are one lucky gal to be moving there!!). But what I’ve described is actually still a reality in some of the rural areas. Babcia now has a small washing machine she keeps in the shed by the barn but she still washes stuff in the river in the summertime. And I’ve heard the phone systems have improved. However, my uncle still walks the cows home every day down the main (cobbled) street of the village. I think it’s a beautiful way of life and I celebrate it.
@jellopixy: Yes, I think the church part would be the hardest for grandmas to swallow. I think Babcia probably thinks we’re still getting married in a church too.
@Michelle: Wow, way to go! It sounds like an awesome wedding.
OMG, this post makes me want to cry! I love it! Very touching. I love your babcia!
ours isn’t even going to be THAT non-traditional. my dad’s parents have both passed away, but i know for my mom’s parents, it will be that we aren’t having it in a church. i was raised catholic and they are VERY religious (more than i ever was to begin with). fh and i are pretty much not religious at all, but we’re having an outdoor ceremony and will probably incorporate some spiritual elements. i’m sure my grandparents will be furiously praying for our souls the whole time. oh well.
I was in Poland this summer and found it to be a beautiful country that is beginning to move past is turbulent past while still trying to hang on to it’s traditions. I loved being there (and being part Polish it was nice to see the motherland). It must be hard having special members of your family unable to attend your marriage ceremony.
Hi Miss Sea Breeze: Can you send me the article? my email is emakelle [at] gmail [dot] com.
Thanks!
miss sea breeze- i’d love a copy of the article as well. thanks!
My 81 (82 when we get married) paternal grandmother is likely to ask ” What the hell for?” (her words not mine) about a bunch of the things we want. She isn’t sentimental at all (very New England farm girl raised in the depression type). She didn’t understand why I wanted our ceremony on the front lawn of her house (it has the best views and with the cedar shake salt box as a background it is irresistable) and said no because of the minor amount of work it may have caused my father and aunt who volunteered to do it all.
she is absolutely adorable. i indeed want to give her a squeeze! lovely post.. very touching.
Oh, I miss my grandma. I definitely would give your babcia a squeeze.
This post is so sweet.
Hooray for Babcias! The Mr. has one too, I have a Mutti myself. Absolute firecrackers, the both of them! I love them both so much! They are actually the biggest reason we want to get married sooner rather than later. At 83 and 85 we can’t be sure of how much longer they’re going to be around for.
Thanks for such a wonderful post!
Your Babcia looks so darling. Totally squeezable! A gentle squeeze of course. I love the pic of you with the handkerchief on. You were cute little munchkin.
I know the 3 grandparents I was blessed enough to be able to meet (maternal grandmother passed about 65 years ago so its like my own mother never met her) would be horrified to know I wasn’t getting married in a catholic church. Heck! My mother is pretty horrified by it but FI is working on an annulment so it just couldn’t be. Hopefully in a year we can have a quick “do over” in my church.
such a lovely post! I would love a copy of the article too
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Mrs. Sea Breeze, Vancouver/Dominican Republic
Age in 2008 and Occupation: 30, Communications Manager
Fiance's Age in 2008 and Occupation: 29, Experiential Marketing Director
Engagement Date: October 6, 2007
Wedding Date: November, 2008
Blogging Since: July 17, 2008
Venue: Majestic Colonial Resort, Punta Cana
About Me: Planning a destination wedding by the sea should be (oh no she di-in't…) a breeze (…*sigh* yep, she did) but when you've never been to the Caribbean, your powers of imagination are really put to the test. Luckily, I'm 90% resourceful, creative optimist (and kooky, neurotic practicalist-if-that's-a-word for the other ten). Other than writing about our week-long celebration of family, friends, laughter and love, I adore books, shoes and… you guessed it… long walks on the beach.
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