How Can We Thank Them?
September 26th, 2008 @ 9:32 am by Mrs. Avocado
There are no words to describe your parents when they are paying for your wedding. They are more than gracious. My parents blew by generous about $5,000 ago. How can you ever thank someone for such a contribution?
Yeah this doesn’t work…
Source
Let’s try this one:
“Here is a $3 thank-you card. Thanks for paying for our wedding instead of buying a new car for mom this year, even if it is falling apart from that time I wrecked it a few years ago.”
Two nights ago I sat in the kitchen and just talked to my dad. I realized I hadn’t talked to him in ages about anything not related to wedding stuff. He told me funny stories about his business, and we talked about how his crops are doing. I realized that I can still be a person/daughter/girlfriend while I am in the middle of being a bride (are you really only a bride on your wedding day? I feel like I am a bride right now), and it reminded me that I need to take time to show my gratitude.
This week I took them to dinner, and had the waiter deliver a thank you note instead of the bill. It was a drop in the bucket compared to what they are spending on us, as the bill for the meal for the three of us was actually the same amount that my wedding bouquet will cost (flowers are ridiculous). It put things in perspective, and it gave the three of us the chance to talk.
I guess I should start working on those grandchildren for them. I think once they hold that first little baby in their arms, all debts will be paid.
And just to note, they don’t make me feel guilty for what they are doing. This is an irrational case of self-inflicted guilt that I am harboring, and I am also harboring suspicions that I am not alone in this.
How did you show your gratitude for those who made substantial financial contributions to your wedding?
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21 Responses to “How Can We Thank Them?”
We were stuck on this as well. But last night we decided to get them a family tree from Things Remembered.
http://www.thingsremembered.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product_10001_9951_598677_-1_1?fcref=
They are engraved and we were going to put in pictures of the entire family and leave one blank for baby. Because you are correct, I think grand babies are the ultimate thank you (at least for mine)!
I love that dinner idea!
I’m thanking them by doing everything I can to spend their money conservatively, keep them on top of expenses, and letting them know how much I appreciate all of their help.
Since my parents know that FI and I are struggling financially a bit right now I just offer them a very heartfelt thanks and let them know that their hard earned money is being used for things like the food and photographer. I have until May to figure out what tangible thank you they will receive.
I laughed a little at the fruit of the month gift because I thought of “Everybody loves Raymond” where Ray’s parents hated the fruit of the month club and actually were almost afraid of it! lol 
I talked about this with my mom one day. She basically put it this way. “My mother did it for me and you will do it for your daughter one day, too.” If they can afford to do it, then I am sure they are happy to do it for you. They know you are grateful. You can give them a gift certificate for a night on the town (dinner, play tickets) or some sort of jewelry for your mom and a pocket watch for your dad, etc. You can definitely get really creative with this, because either way, they probably already know how thankful you are.
i’m totally with you on this! i too had a ceramic family tree piece made, but I’m also going to write very heart-felt letters to each of my parents individually about how I love and appreciate them, what they’ve taught me, and how they’ve prepared me to enter this next phase in my life. I’m going to give it to them low-key style though late the night before — we are a family of criers
What a lovely idea…. I’ve been thinking of something my FH and I could do for my parents, as they are footing a majority of the reception bill, and my mom purchased my gown. I am forever grateful! A nice dinner out would fit the bill.
P.S. Your mom is so cute!
I am paying for my wedding by myself so needless to say it ’s going to be very low budget and I won’t get all things I want. The best way to thaink someone who is helping is to Just remember that you are lucky your parents are helping, in any capacity. They don’t HAVE to do anything for you, their generosity is a privilege not a right. Be grateful for everything down to the tiniest detail. It sounds like you are on the right track.
I am paying for my wedding by myself so needless to say it ’s going to be very low budget and I won’t get all things I want. The best way to thank someone who is helping is to Just remember that you are lucky your parents are helping, in any capacity. They don’t HAVE to do anything for you, their generosity is a privilege not a right. Be grateful for everything down to the tiniest detail. It sounds like you are on the right track.
My (West Coast based) in laws were planning a trip to see family near my NY based parents, so we purchased theater tickets for the four of them. We also sent flowers from my mom’s favorite florist that arrived the day after they got home.
We got both sets of parents side by side frames that had our wedding date engraved under one picture and their wedding date engraved under the other. I also made sure to take a few extra minutes before walking down the aisle to personally thank my mom. Led to a few tears, but also some amazingly heartfelt pictures of us!
What a cute, heartfelt post! Your parents are adorable! I haven’t decided yet how I will thank my parents (or my future in-laws)…but I know it will go beyond a simple hallmark card. Gotta think of something good - I like your dinner idea!
@Anne: i’m in the same boat. my parents don’t think helping at all with my wedding is appropriate (not even invitation postage for their friends!). it sounds to me, miss avocado, that you are overwhelmed with thankfulness. that’s a good way to be.
My parents didn’t give me a lot of money for my wedding…maybe like 5% and my in laws gave us like 25%…it was hard trying to figure out how to thank them all because we were grateful and knew each person had done what they could do. In the end, we decided to give them each a beautiful photograph of this twisty awesome oak tree, matted (about $120 each)…we gave them all the same photograph sort of to represent family and growing together and our roots, and thought it was nice that all of our parents would have the same picture in their homes for always. It was a favorite idea we came up with, for sure.
There is nothing I could ever get for them that would come close to paying them back. Plus, there is really nothing they need - they are fairly well off, and tend to buy anything they might want for themselves (as well as for us). I did give both moms lovely silk wreaths that I had made in our colors to hang in the entryway of our venue - my mom is all about the home decor, and the wreath goes very well with her living room. But it seems like such a small thing!
What we have done is to vow to try very hard to spend quality time with them. My folks are older (68 and 70) and while I like to think they have a lot of years left, you just never know. Luckily we live less than a block away from them, so we try to have dinner with them every week, and to make sure to include them when we go to plays or concerts they might like. We work together on projects in the yard or the house (currently my mom and DH’s daughter are remodeling her bathroom), and we ride bikes with my dad every week. I spent years living far away from home, and travelling a lot for work, and while we wrote and talked often, I didn’t see them much. It would be easy now that we’re married to be a little selfish with our time, so we try very hard not to be. After all, it’s not so much the money that my parents spent on my wedding, although we really appreciated that. But we could have been very happy with much less. What truly overwhelmed me was the time and energy that my mom put into making sure everything was just the way I wanted it to be. So paying her back with our time is completely appropriate. I just hope we have years and years to work on it!
I just hug Mr. Dumpling and say things like “thank you for not objecting to (insert ridiculous expense here).” My parents are helping a little bit, so for them I think Im gonna do what you’re doing–hurry to give them grandchildren!
My parents are footing the bill, but my future in-laws are doing a lot for the rehearsal dinner, they’re treating us to a wonderful honeymoon and are paying for the church music (getting married with a full choir in a big *ss Catholic church can be pricey). We just bought a home and we’re trying to do as much as we can about wedding costs, but we’re relying a TON on the parentals.
We’re really tight we both sets, and they have become friends (luckily they only live 30 miles away from each other). So we’ve decided to gift them with time with us. Especially since at the wedding and reception we’ll be saying hello to lots of people, but might not spend a lot of time with them.
We’re having a lot of pre-wedding events with our out-of-town guests, and on Sunday afternoon (after we’ve left on our honeymoon) a few people are getting together for tea and recapping. So we decided to spend the morning just with our parents. We’re treating them to a champagne brunch at the Carnelian Room (http://carnelianroom.com/) so the six of us can get a chance to talk and enjoy the night.
I LOVE the idea of delivering a thank you note - and think I might steal that as a preliminary thank you to my folks.
dude thanks for the reminder! we need to take ourselves out to a niiiice dinner, plus dessert and movie afterwards! heee.
We’re getting both sets of parents “parent albums” from the wedding. The gift won’t arrive til after the wedding, but I’m sure our mothers will love having a personalized album to remember our special day.
We’re also buying both sets of parents photo albums of the wedding from our photographer to say “thank you for your help and support.” But I like the dinner idea a lot.
@KatieB: So beautiful (and on sale!)
@Mrs. Onion: I looked into “monthly” club options, but we live really remotely, so it’s hard to find things that would work for our location 
@McG: I think she is pretty cute as well. I’ll let her know you said that 
@Miss Dumpling: Apparently it is not just Mr. Dumpling who has the wittiness about him (still laugh hysterically to myself about the green hornet.) You crack me up!
Mrs. Avocado, Seattle
Age and Occupation: 23, Student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Consultant
Engagement Date: July 27, 2008
Wedding Date: October, 2008
Blogging Since: June 30, 2008
Venue: LDS Seattle Temple & Hotel 1000
About Me: Somehow this little farm girl found herself a genuine Pole to fall in love and eventually move away to Poland with. I am an LDS bride attempting to plan a private religious ceremony, ring ceremony, seated reception for 100, and an open house while coordinating for guests flying in from across the United States and as far away as Poland. I try to avoid fads, excess waste, and saturated fat. I strongly endorse photography, DDR, calorie counting, rss feeds, cooking, and utilizing your resources.
We got my parents the fruit of the month club from Harry & David. It doesn’t sound like much (actaully it’s pretty expensive) but for the couple who has everything, getting a new surprise box of fruit every month for a year made them think of us and reminded them how much we appreciated their support.