Weddingbee

(left to right) Girlfriend Pillow, Bouquet of Roses Caftan, Super Kegel
Big Game Telephone, Skiing snowball, Gopher 3-deluxe pick up tool

Why is a girlfriend pillow the perfect gift to put on a registry? Ms. Mango complains that I’m oblivious to the rules, regulations, and technique of cuddling. Apparently, you should sit still during the complete duration of cuddling, which can last over an hour. That means no asking to get a drink, no grabbing of any other body parts, and no mentioning of how much time has already passed. Also, sometimes we males need cuddling and are too proud to ask for it. Talk about a way to quench your cuddling appetite.
Honestly, I don’t know what a caftan is, but something about the “flattering v-neck” or the “flowing kimono sleeves” gets my blood boiling.

Hey, sometimes Mr. Mango likes seeing Ms. Mango in some sexy gear. So while this may look like a present for Ms. Mango, it’s definitely for moi.

Ah the Super Kegel. Who wouldn’t want to strengthen their PC muscles for their partner… or improve their bladder control. Hell, if someone bought this off my registry quick enough, I could even use it during the ceremony. Talk about multitasking. (P.S.—you can try all you want, but that image will now be burned into your brain for the next hour).

I’ve always thought that REAL men always kept heads of animals scattered on their walls as a testament to their high testosterone levels and trigger happy fingers. However, I’m kind of against blowing away animals for the sake of game, so I figured “The Big Game Telephone” is an appropriate alternative. According to CollectionsEtc, the phone is ’sculpted for authenticity’. I do have to say that the last time I saw a deer, there were numbers on it that look EXACTLY like what is shown above.

I think it goes without saying that a skiing snowball is the perfect addition to any gift registry. Just ask your fiance.

The Gopher 3 deluxe is a registry gift that would actually extend my reach a whopping three feet. The way I think about it, I could actually be resting comfortably in the living room easy chair, could drop a Cheeto on the floor, ask Ms. Mango to pick it up politely, then pinch her derriere without sitting up. Presents like these are priceless.

*Sigh*. I guess that is why one of the forgotten fundamentals in marriage is compromise. Instead of these gifts, I limited myself to cookie cutter department stores, home furniture stores, and appliance superstores. But hey, at least I was able to hold the scanner gun… that is, until I was forced to put it down when I kept shining them in all the crystal bowls at Macy’s hoping for it to reflect everywhere. Oh well.

What shops are on your “dream” registry list?

• OOT Bags!
• At Last, a Girl in Love