Hot Searches:
Mr. Monkey's Picture
Mr. Monkey, New York Age and Occupation: 27, Internet Wedding Date: September 2007
About Mr. Monkey

Confession: My Wedding Pants

October 2nd, 2008 @ 2:33 pm by Mr. Monkey

ed. note: Mr. Monkey has long since married, but he posted this to his personal blog, and I asked him if he minded whether I repost it here. :)

Ok - so I have a confession that I haven’t really shared before. As far as most of you know, my wedding went really well - it was a low key yet large church wedding and it was awesome. Both Mrs. Monkey andIi have only great memories about it - but here’s the big kicker that nobody that attended knew:

FACT: MY PANTS ALMOST FELL OFF DURING THE CEREMONY

No joke. It happened around the time the pastor was giving his message about the importance of marriage.

You see - when you rent a tux (like I did), they pretty much have a one size fits all type of pants. It’s all magical rubber bands, spandex and clips that keep those pants together. For some reason, the two silver clips that were hugging my waist both snapped open. Basically it loosened my whole pants at the waist and was levitating like a xwing fighter that meets yoda.

At that point, I was like “craaaaapp!!” Here I was - in the most important day of my life - in front of my church - in what’s supposed to be a very spiritual experience and I was going to ruin it with my pants falling down.

I had my hands crossed in front of me at the time, and I quickly grabbed my pants - trying to hide the fact I was..well, holding my pants.

I was debating the whole time whether I should lift my jacket and readjust - but didn’t want to risk showing my one pack to everyone I knew. So I decided to just hold. At this point, I’m sweating like crazy - sweating so much that I was actually angry at the candles that were lit near me. I WAS ANGRY AT CANDLES. This is what loose pants do to you!

Was this going to be an america’s funniest home video moment? I could imagine the whole thing - “Do you Miss Monkey take this man…” pants falls off.

And then - it got worse. This was probably the only time I was upset I was Korean. During a wedding, it’s tradition to walk to your parents, hug them and then bow with respect.

First - hugging meant I needed to let go to my lifeline called pants, and bowing meant my pants had a 33% chance of falling even more (I did the math - 33%).

So I shrewdly leaned over the pews to hug and pinned my pants up against the wooden rails to keep my pants up.

I’m a genius. But bowing - I dunno how it worked out, but the circumference of my body actually held it up naturally - let alone, I was grabbing my pants up too like a hawk’s talons.

Bottom line - it was pretty much undone the whole time - all the way til we walked out, where the second I exited, I quickly snapped it back in.

So there - I said it. Disaster diverted - wedding saved - Mr. Monkey is not featured in America’s Funniest Video either. So if you’re getting married, invest in a belt or safety pins. Married friends don’t let other married friends let their pants fall off.

The end.

17 Responses to “Confession: My Wedding Pants”

1.
Mrs X says:

Thank you for sharing this with us…I needed a good laugh!

2.
ChicagoSarah says:

Hilarious! Perfect timing for a funny post too…

3.
Bee Icon
Miss Ballet Flat says:

Wow…that’s funny! However, great job on keeping it b/t you and Mrs. Monkey…glad to know the guests had no idea!

4.
Karen says:

AHAHHA - that’s awesome!!!

5.
MexicanGirl says:

so fun! hope that doesn’t happen to my groom! kudos you made it thru that!

6.
Tea says:

lol, thanks so much for sharing! i can’t begin to imagine how you felt the day of!

7.
Bee Icon
Mrs. Onion says:

that is too funny. did mrs. monkey know this was happening or did you tell her after the fact?!

8.
Kate says:

That made my day! Thanks.

9.
Ambrosia says:

I laughed so hard I almost cried!

10.
AliCherri1 says:

OMG So FREAKIN’ Funny! I went back a few month ago and read all your post and I was so excited to see your post today - you are one funny Monkey!

11.
Bee Icon
Miss Sea Breeze says:

That last line killed me - ‘Married friends don’t let other married friends let their pants fall off.’ Indeed!!

12.
sandra says:

ha ha most funniest story i heard from a groom

13.
Vic004 says:

Oh my gosh this story is great!

14.
Jessica says:

Thanks for the laugh. It made my day.

15.
ladysu says:

wow! You’re Mrs. CC! I read about this story on his xanga!

16.
bexbaby says:

Thank you thank you for the laugh!! Too funny! I had my fiance, who is sick right now, read this and he got a kick out of it. Thanks for cheering him up too :)

17.
Bee Icon
Mrs. Pomegranate says:

My garter almost fell off during the ceremony as well!!! Funny story!! :)


You can also just...

Copyright 2004-2008, eHarmony, Inc., Advertise

Tags on this Entry

Tags: