Weddingbee and Marriage Equality
October 2nd, 2008 @ 12:28 pm by Mrs. Bee
Over the past two weeks, I’ve called most of the 100+ Bees to share the news (we do most things virtually here in the hive, so it was the first time I had spoken to a number of Bees!). Everyone was really excited and I was touched by how many people had faith in me to do what’s right for Weddingbee. That’s a lot of trust, and I will do everything I can not to let you down.
A bunch of questions came up, most of which I jotted down and answered in the last post. But a few Bees also shared some concerns around our new parent company eHarmony, since their website doesn’t offer same-sex matching.
We’re sad to report that one of our married Bees – Mrs. Gingerbread – has decided she is no longer going to contribute to Weddingbee. Her posts will stay up on the website, but she won’t be posting any more. We understand and respect her decision, and thank her from the bottom of our hearts for her many contributions to the hive.
Two of our other Bees – Miss Sweet Tea and Mrs. Creampuff – shared similar views about the need for eHarmony to offer a same-sex matching service… but are going to continue blogging for now.
All three Bees asked to post their thoughts on the site, so they could express their concerns. I agreed, and you can read their posts below.
Publishing these posts was my decision. I personally support marriage equality, and believe that everyone should have the right to marry who they love. I’m very pleased that eHarmony has allowed me to publish these concerns on the site. They understand the strong voice of Weddingbee’s community, which was one of the reasons I was enthusiastic about working with their team.
This has been the first true test of our editorial integrity, and I’m glad to report that editorial control of the site is still firmly in our hands.
Here are the three bees with their thoughts.
Mrs. Cream Puff
When Bee first shared with me that she had sold Weddingbee, I was thrilled for her. She has worked long nights for years, making this site into what it is today, and I totally support her decision to sell. After all, more resources mean more cool features for you guys and more personal time for Bee and Mr. Bee, which I think we can all agree is a good thing! When I heard that Weddingbee had been sold to eHarmony, though, I was very concerned.
I don’t remember when I first heard about eHarmony’s Christian roots; it was many years ago, I know that. Although I knew that the website matched non-Christian couples (heck, one of my bridesmaids met her husband through eHarmony!), I’ll admit that I figured they were still contributing financially to Focus on the Family. Why did I think that? After all these years, eHarmony still excludes gay people from their matching, and show no sign of supporting them in the future (see the last paragraph on the last page of this article, which gives a quote from eHarmony’s CEO: “…We have a lot of things to go after and the gay community is not a market we’re going to pursue and that’s it.”). Although it seems clear that eHarmony is trying to move away from the Christian sector and appeal to heterosexual people of all religious backgrounds, their lack of support for the LGBTQ community is a deal-breaker for me. No matter what their reasoning, excluding a group of people from their website is discrimination. Until eHarmony provides equal matching for the LGBTQ community, I will feel that the company as a whole is discriminatory.
That being said, I love Weddingbee, and I love all of you readers. Being a blogger on this website has been so fun and rewarding: I was honored to be chosen to share my wedding planning journey with you guys, and I am totally amazed and flattered every time I read your supportive comments. I am almost done sharing my experience with you, and although I do have a lot more to say, what I really feel that I need to do is share the rest of my professional wedding photos with you. I started this journey with you guys, and it’s only right to take this last step with you there as well. I want to show you what came from all that hard work!
After I talked with Mrs. Bee, I realized that I had a very difficult decision to make: as much as I love Weddingbee and you readers, I felt like I couldn’t volunteer to make eHarmony more money. I had no problem spending my time and energy blogging on Weddingbee before; it is so rewarding to communicate with you guys, and so fun to be part of the Hive. Mr. and Mrs. Bee made their living from Weddingbee, and I was happy to help them. eHarmony, however, is a different story: I could not in good conscience contribute to the wealth of a company which is so drastically at odds with my own morals and values.
At that point, I felt that I had two options: I either left Weddingbee and shared my reason for leaving, or I stayed on at Weddingbee, but somehow made my opposition to eHarmony’s practices known. Thankfully, I have been allowed to do the latter. To be honest, I am still on the fence about whether or not I will keep blogging for Weddingbee: one thing I know for sure, however, is that I do not want my name, even a moniker, associated with this company. Please know that by choosing to stay on as a Bee right now, I am by no means making a permanent decision: I am still very much undecided.
Because this is a wedding planning website, politics aren’t generally discussed here (which is probably a good thing). I know that many of you don’t have the same view on gay marriage as I do; you may be religious or not agree with calling a gay marriage “marriage.” As a result, I am sure that this post will be very controversial. I just ask you to remember one thing: this is how I feel, and I feel very, very strongly about it. None of us are looking to create a firestorm in the comments section. :) Please respect the fact that we are standing up for what we believe in and are struggling with a very difficult decision, even if you don’t agree with it.
Thank you!
Cream Puff
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Miss Sweet Tea
I wanted to start this post by congratulating Bee and the behind-the-scenes support staff for finally seeing the fruits of their labor with the sale of Weddingbee. I was a long-time Weddingbee stalker before I became a volunteer blogger for the site, and seeing Bee and co. develop the site has been incredible. I’m sure we can all agree that Weddingbee has been an invaluable resource for planning our weddings and a great source of community.
Though I was excited for the change, I must admit my heart sunk when I found out that eHarmony was the company Weddingbee was sold to. It’s no big reveal that principles of social justice underlie not only my wedding planning process, but also my choice of profession and personal goals. As a queer woman and advocate for LGBTQ issues, I have strong reservations about eHarmony’s history and their current stance towards the LGBTQ community, as it goes directly against what I have worked so hard for.
eHarmony has stated that it is not part of their current business plan to include same-sex matching on their website any time soon. Maintaining the ‘business interests‘ of the company has been eHarmony’s justification for denying its services to the LGBTQ community, though the history of its founder’s connection to Focus on the Family suggests to me that there are more than business interests at play.
If we are going to talk about business interests, then I believe eHarmony’s acceptance of the existing LGBTQ bloggers on Weddingbee (myself and Mrs. Gingerbread) is nothing more than another business decision. Token representation of a few LGBTQ bloggers on Weddingbee is not the same as changing an entire business model that I believe discriminates against members of the LGBTQ community as a whole.
My concern with eHarmony capitalizing on the presence of LGBTQ bloggers is not only out of principle, but out of the real material benefits the company gains by our continued blogging. It is profitable for eHarmony when any of us Bees blog; meanwhile, eHarmony loses nothing, because they can appear to support the LGBTQ community on Weddingbee while continuing to block same-sex matching on their main website. It is very painful for me to know that the ad revenue Weddingbee garners from its readers gives eHarmony more money to profit from, and to continue practices that I believe are discriminatory against the LGBTQ community.
I have loved blogging for Weddingbee, but I am concerned that my continued presence on this site suggests a tacit acceptance of eHarmony or their practices. I want to state for the record that this is not the case- I do not. eHarmony is a privately-owned company, and the moral imperatives guiding its business model are its choice. I, however, am not comfortable knowing that my contribution to Weddingbee ultimately benefits a company whose values and morals differ so drastically from my own.
I have every intention of continuing to blog through my wedding, because I would love to share the rest of my journey to the aisle with all of you. I hope that eHarmony is open to me continuing to include my views on wedding-related issues that I feel are important, such as LGBTQ marriage equality, and I look forward to continued dialogue with you all as Weddingbee moves into this new phase of growth and change. If I do decide to leave down the road, dear readers, know that it has been a joy and honor to be a part of the Weddingbee community with all of you!
Sincerely,
Miss Sweet Tea
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Mrs. Gingerbread
I’ll admit that I am feeling quite uncomfortable about the sale of Weddingbee to eHarmony. I totally understand why Weddingbee sold and I am very excited for what this means for Bee. I think she deserves kudos for creating a successful company that is in demand. However, I am not too keen on being a blogger for eHarmony.
I am concerned about this new partnership for two reasons.
1) I am concerned with eHarmony’s heavy involvement from 2000-2005 with Focus on the Family, an organization that promotes unscientific conversion therapies of LGBTQ people and homosexuality as a mental illness. I know that as both a member of the LGBTQ community and as a psychologist, that this rhetoric and these practices have and continue to cause a lot of harm to LGBTQ people. I am not sure that I can be involved with a company that in any way is associated with an organization that promotes this type of practice. Eharmony has distanced themselves from Focus on the Family for the past few years, but I worry that this is more of a business decision rather than an actual change of heart. I believe that their current company practices support my concerns.
2) eHarmony has a practice against same-sex matching. As recently as May 2008, the CEO of eHarmony was quoted in this article saying, “There’s a real business issue here,” Waldorf said. “You’ve got to decide what market you’re going to put resources against. For example, we’ve decided that the Chinese market will be a big enough opportunity. We have a lot of things to go after and the gay community is not a market we’re going to pursue and that’s it.”
eHarmony has associated with one of the most anti-LGBTQ organizations in the U.S. in the recent past and has a current practice of LGBTQ exclusion. To me, this indicates that eHarmony is an anti-LGBTQ company. Some might interpret eHarmony’s purchase of Weddingbee as a sign of progress, as they obviously know we had LGBTQ bloggers. This concerns me, because I don’t want my presence as a blogger to be used as evidence that eHarmony has become more inclusive. If eHarmony really wants to be inclusive of the LGBTQ community, this should be reflected in their policies.
Some have argued that the best thing we can do to support LGBTQ equality is to stay on board to try to make changes from within the organization. I am not convinced that this is the best way for me to show support for my community. It has been really fun sharing my experiences of wedding planning with all of you and I am grateful to have been a part of the Weddingbee community. If eHarmony changes their practices in the future, then I’d feel more comfortable being a part of an eHarmony company. Until then, I don’t think that I can reconcile the past and present actions of eHarmony and continue to blog on this site. I wish I felt differently since I still have plenty that I want to share with you and I will miss this community. If eHarmony changes what I feel are discriminatory policies, then I’d love to return. Until then, you can find me over at my other blog http://twochicksnest.blogspot.com/.
All the best and many thanks,
Mrs. Gingerbread
————
After reading these concerns, Stan over at eHarmony asked if he could share a response:
Hi everyone,
We’re excited to welcome Bee to eHarmony and to become part of the Weddingbee community. As you all know, she’s an amazing person who has an incredible passion for what she does. We’re looking forward to helping her fulfill her vision for Weddingbee.
Since our earliest conversations, we agreed with Bee that she should keep running Weddingbee after the acquisition and that we shouldn’t make any major changes – least of all to the content. We really value the strong, diverse voices that everyone brings to the site.
eHarmony’s matchmaking service was started in 2000 after we completed research on thousands of opposite sex married couples. That research is the foundation for our singles matching service today. That service has been adapted for foreign markets over time including Canada, Australia, and the UK and nothing precludes us from offering a same-sex matching service in the future.
We’re very proud of the many marriages that result from our site. A 2007 Harris Interactive study indicated that 236 people, on average, get married every day in the United States as a result of being matched on eHarmony. The users getting married are very diverse and you can read more about them here: http://www.eharmony.com/diversity. You can learn more about the history of the company here: http://www.eharmony.com/about/faq.
Today, the company has more than 200 employees around the world, and, like any mainstream company, we’re a mix of gender, ethnicity, age and sexual preference. I’ve been here six months myself and find it a great place to work, where people are committed to helping others with some of the biggest personal decisions they face in life.
Though I don’t agree with all the statements in the posts above, we do appreciate the exchange of views. The most important point we want to emphasize is that each of you has been an integral part of shaping Weddingbee and making the hive a vibrant online community. We hope you’ll continue to find value in Weddingbee, and over time see our commitment to helping the community continue to grow and thrive.
Sincerely,
Stanley Holt, Vice President of Publishing, eHarmony.
—————–
Mrs. Bee
Thanks Stan, for sharing the eHarmony perspective. I’m glad we made the decision to air these concerns, and am looking forward to working together.
I think that marriage equality is an important issue in the wedding industry. I’ve noticed that the wedding industry as a whole seems resistant to the idea – I can’t remember ever seeing a gay bride or couple in any wedding magazine or tv show. The same goes for mainstream wedding websites. I think this is bound to change over time, and hope that Weddingbee will play some small part in that.
*********
One last thought: I don’t mean to speak for all of the Bees with my thoughts above. I am speaking only for myself, and for Weddingbee.com as a whole. But several Bees asked if they could chime in with their thoughts on marriage equality, so please check out the comments!
Best,
Mrs. Bee
********
Update: Please read this post clarifying some of the rumors in the comments section below.
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327 Responses to “Weddingbee and Marriage Equality”
Thank you for that perspective, Hot Cocoa.
I personally do not believe that we have the POWER to change eHarmony from within, nor do I believe that Bee has that power.
In my life, I have never been presented with such an opportunity. I chose not to use eHarmony when I was dating, but their membership fee was a very nominal amount of money to choose not to give them. Now I am actually MAKING THEM MONEY. If I choose not to blog on Weddingbee anymore, I feel that I would be making far more of an impact than staying on would do. I am not under any illusions that I have more power than I do.
I think the idea of an honest exchange is great, so I’m very disappointed in E-Harmony’s representative for pointing to this bogus research-model excuse. Neil Clark Warren of E-Harmony is well-known for his highly exclusive brand of evangelical Christianity. His link with Focus on the Family supports this, as FotF not only discriminates against gays but also believes a woman should not have the right to choose what to do with her own body. I’ll be interested to see how WeddingBee develops beneath this dangerous and sinister influence.
I want to thank you for sharing and voicing your concerns and/or reasons for leaving. I want to thank you for your contributions and for challenging my own personal beliefs and changing them. I appreciate the diversity you have given to the Weddingbee community and applaud you in your efforts to promote equality. Thank you!
I’m so happy for Bee and the Weddingbee family, and hope that Bee gets a much needed vacation as a result of this sale.
But, I share deep concerns about eHarmony’s exclusionary policies, and feel conflicted about supporting a company under their umbrella. However, I have decided to keep blogging and openly supporting LGBTQ marriage on this site for the same reasons Miss Hot Cocoa outlined above.
I hope my little contribution towards equality helps open up some minds and hearts to the idea that love knows no boundaries, and it is not for us to judge who should be able to marry and who should not.
I think it is great to hear both sides, I know being in CA this is a very large issue with Prop 8 being voted on in mere weeks (this could overturn the right for same sex couples to marry). I hope that Mrs. Cream Puff & Miss Sweet Tea continue to blog and will miss Mrs. Gingerbread.
Many congratulations to Bee, Mr. Bee, and BIL Bee! Weddingbee is a true labor of love and I’m proud of everything the Bees have accomplished. It’s truly an honor to be a member of such a supportive, inspiring community and I foresee great things ahead for readers and bees alike.
That being said, I want to take a moment to share my feelings and concerns. It is my understanding that eHarmony will fully support Weddingbee’s values of inclusiveness and diversity. But I think many of us will agree that mere support is not enough. They have an opportunity to prove that their exclusionary policies are in the past and I will be watching carefully to see that they take advantage of it. It’s my sincere hope that eHarmony will be inspired by Weddingbee’s example and be moved to cast a critical eye at their own company. Ideally, they will move forward with advocacy for the rights of LGBTQ couples, validation of LGBTQ relationships, and dissassociation with discriminatory organizations and groups. I am very committed to doing what I can to encourage the company’s forward movement. I think I can only stay on at Weddingbee if I feel comfortable that eHarmony is *genuinely* moving in that direction.
I also wanted to applaud the bees who so openly shared their concerns in the above statement. I’m so proud to know each of you and call you a friend.
I also share deep concerns about the policies of eharmony. I am all for the support of the LGBTQ community and marriage rights, and this has put me in quite a spot.
I can only hope that by staying, I will help the effort that Miss Hot Cocoa has listed above.
I fully agree with what Miss Hot Cocoa and Miss Meatball stated above. It is my hope that by eHarmony allowing Weddingbee to continue to support marriage equality that it is a glimmer of change from within their company.
Firstly, congratulations to Mrs. Bee for the news.
But I have to admit that I find that eHarmony’s involvement with Wedding Bee to be disconcerting to say the least. Even though same sex bloggers will still be featured on Wedding Bee, I can’t help but think that eHarmony is just putting on a façade of acceptance to the public. If I were in Mrs. Gingerbread’s shoes, I would have done the exact same thing.
I was really looking forward to applying to become a “Bee” blogger on this website, but now I’m truly torn from even continuing to be a reader.
Nothing personal, but I don’t think I’ll continue visiting this site.
A few years ago a certain fast food company started a marketing campaign that clearly expressed their view that they were advertising to males. The half naked girls writhing around on bulls and fancy cars made that very clear to me. Because of that, and their decision to exclude a portion of the population in their advertising tactics, I have not given that company my business since. I have stood by that and didn’t waver because they had an awesome new milkshake flavor come out that I would greatly enjoy.
Mrs. Gingerbread: The utmost respect for your decision and your commitment to follow through all the way in your decision not to blog for this site anymore. Best of luck to you!
@Creampuff: You use the word “deal breaker” coupled with this comment: “I could not in good conscience contribute to the wealth of a company which is so drastically at odds with my own morals and values”, leads me to believe that your exit from the site is a sure thing. But you waver. You want to continue to share your professional pictures to finish your journey as a blogger on this site. Your passion for this cause should outweigh all other reasons to continue blogging. If you stand up for something, stand up for it all the way. This post should be your last, no matter how hard it is to walk away before you feel your time here is over.
@Sweet tea: As someone who stands very firm for these issues and for which they are in fact, personal to your own life, it is confusing as to why you would continue blogging. This is your life. This is your passion. Yet you are willing to turn a cheek in order to show off your wedding? A quote from you: “I, however, am not comfortable knowing that my contribution to Weddingbee ultimately benefits a company whose values and morals differ so drastically from my own.” If you really feel this way, Weddingbee should not be the place that you share your wedding.
While it is sad that readers (and bloggers) are leaving weddingbee, I find it admirable that people stand up 100% for what they believe in. To post words of dissent for this site and the new owners but to stick around to show off your pictures bothers me. I hate to use such a strong word but it is the only one I can come up with: hypocritical.
The fact that the gentleman from eHarmony is characterizing sexuality as “preference” rather than orientation is enough for me. Does eHarmony officially subscribe to this bigoted myth, or are they just so blase about their dealings with the LGTBQ community that they didn’t think twice about the language they use?
Also, nice call stuffing all this into one post rather than several. That way dissenting opinions will get pushed off the home page faster! Well played.
I am so happy for Mrs. Bee, but truthfully am very uncomfortable about the sale to eHarmony. I love the wedding bee and it has been one of my favorite parts about the planning process, but I have had strong personal feelings about this company for many years, and even adding to the daily counter of those who visit WB does not feel right. I’m not sure if I can continue visiting the site.
@Michelle: You’re right. I think part of me felt like maybe I COULD change this website from within, as some of the other bloggers have said above. I actually wrote the above post quite awhile ago, and have had more time to think since then.
When first stumling on to Weddingbee 5 months ago, I was truly amazed. To read the blogs of these amazing and successful women still finding the time to plan the wedding of their dreams. I send huge congrats to the Bees’ and BIL Bee. It is well-deserved!
Growing up in Appalachin Region of the country I have been an automatic stereotype magnet. Though I grew up in the city, 10 minutes outside the states biggest city, I still would be considered a “redneck” just for my demographics. Hopefully I speak for the educated, open-minded, equality-seeking sector of my states when I say this. I fully support the LGBTQ community. I also fully support the Bees in this amazing hive. As Miss Hot Cocoa, Mrs. Creampuff, Miss Meatball, and Miss Sweat Tea have stated, I hope that this merger will help to shape the future of eHarmony and the change of their policies. Mrs. Gingerbread though I am sad to see you leave, I completely admire your strong-will and willingness to give up something you love for something you BELIEVE in. I wish you and the Mrs. the best of luck! To all the other Bees and Weddingbee Readers like me, there cannot be change or evolving without a voice. Speak your thoughts! Love to you all!
Future Mrs. D… in 8 days =)
Mrs. Cream Puff: Do you have a personal blog? I, for one, would be happy to view the remainder of your wedding photos there!
I fully second Ms. K. While I understand what Miss Hot Cocoa and Miss Meatball are saying, and why they’re continuing to blog, I have to agree with Miss Cream Puff in her cynicism. Blogging for eHarmony on an ad-supported site is making them money; until Weddingbee’s LGBTQ writership comprises a (much) higher percentage of the total Bees, eHarmony will be able to point to ‘inclusivity’ while not actually having to condone a non-hetero-Christian marriage standard.
I’m getting married in September 2009, and I had my heart set on applying to become a Bee. I am so disappointed that I won’t ever have the chance now; I am certainly not willing to earn eHarmony money by blogging here, and I am uncertain that I’ll be able to continue supporting their ad revenue by reading Weddingbee.
I appreciate your reasons for selling, Mrs. Bee, and i especially appreciate all of you Bees who have written in with your views of marriage equality, but I don’t think I can continue to support the site knowing it’s backed by a corporation with such a history and worldview.
I am skeptical that eHarmony would put zero pressure on the hive to exclude LGTBQ bloggers. I also feel sorry that this, which should be an exciting time for the Bees, feels so much like selling out. Keeping your convictions while partnering with someone of the opposite convictions seems impossible.
Looking forward to hearing the other comments.
Becky
@Mrs. Cream Puff: I’m curious as to why you find it perfectly ok to be associated with Project Wedding (also owned by eHarmony)? I googled your moniker “stinkerpants” and found your business posted there as well as your recent vendor reviews. Does this means you’re actually using eHarmony as a vehicle for your business?
The word “hypocrite” pops up for me as well.
As a long time reader of Weddingbee, this is bittersweet. I have used this site during my long engagement and feel connected to the hive.
I am happy for Mrs. Bee yet extremely disappointed in the sale to eHarmony. Personally, I believe Love is Love, regardless of age, gender, religious views, sexuality. I believe in marriage equality. I believe in same sex rights. And mostly I believe in holding strong to my convictions and doing what I think is right. And for me, what is right is staying supportive of my same-sex friends and family members. I will no longer be visiting, reading, or supporting this site. I will also no longer refer my friends and family to this site for the wedding needs.
I truly wish Mrs. Bee the best in life, as well as all the other bees in the hive. But I refuse to support the discriminatory company eHarmony.
@jgs: I do, and I would be more comfortable with that, also. It’s: http://www.stinkerpants.com/blog
I honestly didn’t have a reference to eHarmony before this situation emerged…I never knew the kind of inequality this dating site had shown and I’m grateful that my eyes have been opened. I just recently posted on the last entry by Mrs. Bee how excited I was for her and how I had hoped to become a Bee here someday, but in all honesty, I don’t believe the decision to sell this site to eHarmony was made with all of the information given to Mrs. Bee, otherwise I doubt she’d make the decision to lose a great deal of her bloggers, potential bloggers, and readership. At least, I hope not.
Best of luck to Mrs. GB and everyone else who is courageous enough to take a stand against this company and it’s abysmal practices.
It is pretty clear from the history of eHarmony that, regardless of the religeous beliefs of its’ founder, he has a history of using whatever group of people might help to line his own pocket. The company first marketed to and affiliated itself with groups like Focus on the Family, with the idea that they were promoting so-called “Christian” values - in that they weren’t interested in promoting dating (with all the messy potential for premarital sex that goes along with that) but in promoting marriage. If they could get like-minded religeous institutions to agree with them, they had a sort of captive market. Just recently, they have decided that affiliation with certain groups (e.g., FOTF) might be bad for business - primarily because they have outgrown their initial captive market, and determined that in the wider world there are a lot of folks who are turned off by that kind of religeous bigotry and fanaticism, and therefore won’t give their credit card number to a company with that kind of affiliation.
I’m sure that their ventures into Asian markets are business-based decision (Hey, look at the Chinese! There are over a billion of them, you know! And now they have computers and disposable income! Never mind that they are mostly not “Christian.”) If they thought there was a significant (percentage of income-wise) LGBT market, I’m sure they would go after that as well. However, what is clear is that they’re not a company that so much cares whether you meet someone who is right for you, as they are a company that wants you money - and that sells its “success” rate as the reason for you to shell it out. I’m not sure that it’s “discrimination” not to be singled out as the next group of sheep to be fleeced.
And frankly, the idea that people with similar personality styles might be more compatible isn’t either new or invented by eHarmony. There are stacks of data on personality style testing (Myers-Briggs and others) that are used by all kinds of organizations every year. In fact, it’s not true that people with identical personality styles are more compatible, and it is true that they are generally not efficient as a team. What is required to have a compatible and effective team, at work or in marriage, is to understand, respect, and know how to work with the strengths and weaknesses of both your own personality style, and that of your partner (or team).
I am interested to see how the whole “undermin[ing] E-Harmony’s corporate ‘identity’ from within” will work on a site that is now owned by a large corporate entity.
Is eHarmony going to allow Mrs. Bee complete creative control over posting, including posts that ‘undermine’ their corporate identity? I doubt it. If they do, then I will be impressed!
I will continue to check out WeddingBee to see how this all goes down. I think deals like this can go both ways - they can water down a site’s edgy content, or (if this is done in a smart way, which it sounds like it is) they can give a boost to a site while allowing them to maintain their values and identity.
I like WeddingBee because there are real, quirky, interesting, smart bloggers that I can identify with. eHarmony would be smart to continue to allow the site to function in this way.
I can’t help but think this undermines the basic principles that weddingbee stands for. Even if eHarmony doesn’t take a hard editorial stance, it’s influence and idealogy will loom over these posts and in whatever direction the blog takes hereafter. This is clearly a strategic move on the part of eHarmony and calls into questions how many wonderful bloggers we’ll be missing out on (we already are) because they do not want to blog under the umbrella of EH. I find this move dissapointing and a let down frankly…
@Michelle: I would like to make it clear that 1) I am not sure whether I will continue on as a blogger for this site, and 2) if I do, it is not to ’show off my wedding.’ As I said, this is a complicated decision to stay or go, one that can’t be made lightly, and one I have not made. I think it is important, especially with the upcoming state and national elections, that visibility and information on a wide range of social issues needs to be put out there. There is much more I want to write re: my sexual orientation (*not* preference), marriage equality, racism and the rebuilding of New Orleans, the politics of marriage, and other topics that are important to my wedding planning and to my life. And as you can see from the large amount of comments, there is a large audience here, one that would not be available to me otherwise. While I hold no illusions that I will change eHarmony’s policies, I do have the hope that readers who may not otherwise know about these issues will have a chance to talk about them. To say I am staying out of a desire to show off is an unfair and hurtful characterization.
Congrats on the sale of the WeddingBee! I’m sure a lot of the viewers are worried that Bee “sold” out but I think this is far from the case. She started this site with the passion and i’m sure she’ll continue with the passion that got this site this far.
What I am concerned about is what the previous bloggers stated. Having a company like E-Harmony, running this site now, pushing their views is something I can’t stomach. It’s about time for marriage equality, or at least the basic rights for the LGBT community.
I applaud Mrs. Gingerbread and the others to voice their opinion. I hope others join in. I know people always say they can’t change the government or can’t have their voices heard; but I think this is a great medium to express your views on this topic. Either for or against.
I am happy for the sale but saddened by who the new owners are.
@Yasmine: If you will note, I do not support Project Wedding by advertising with them, which would definitely be a good move for me business-wise (as would advertising here, actually!). I’m not going to do that. My vendors worked their butts off for me, though, and I think they deserve recognition for that. People visit Project Wedding to choose vendors, and I thought I owed it to my vendors to leave them reviews there!
Such disappointing news! I am so sad that I must discontinue reading Weddingbee, but even if you still have bees who support the LGTBQ community, how many of these individuals who are a part of that community will actually be blogging for Weddingbee? I also cannot support a company that is so closely linked to the conservative christian agenda. I wish nothing but the best for you and do hope that you bees can change policy from the inside.
I just want to say that the first thing I did when I saw Mrs. Gingerbreads post with her personal blog was copy it to my google reader. If the bees that would like to no longer blog for WB would post their personal blogs (or maybe I’ll just find them myself), I’d be happy to follow your stories over there. I applied once to be a bee, and I can only imagine how awesome and exciting it must be to be part of this community, but you ladies (and gentleman) have an opportunity to take a very public stance here, and I, for one, would follow you elsewhere and leave the hive…it kind of makes me sad that every single bee doesn’t feel as strongly as mrs. cp and mrs. lb etc. Kinda makes it easy for me to wanna leave the rest behind. This is all very sad….
This makes me so sad. As much as I love Weddingbee, I can’t support a site run by a discriminatory corporation. I won’t be visiting the site anymore.
I wanted to first start out by saying congrats to Mr & Mrs. Bee for the success that is Weddingbee. I can’t tell you how pivotal this site has been to me during the planning process, and how much respect I have for the bees and Mr & Mrs. Bee. Although I am hesitant to believe that by voicing our support for LGBTQ equality, it will actually make a dent in the firm beliefs of EHarmony, I am still going to continue to blog throughout the whole process. I am so thankful to all of the bees who I followed during my preliminary planning stages, and I feel like by blogging it’s the least I can do to show my appreciation for all of their help and creative ideas. If Mrs. Bee wasn’t still in control of editorial, I would be singing a different song, but I trust Mrs. Bee to make the right decisions and encourage more gay-friendly brides and grooms in the future, despite the discriminating policies at EHarmony.
I completely respect those readers and bees who will no longer be associating themselves with Weddingbee. I think it’s very important that we have this honest, open discussion with our readers, who have been the best support system us bees could ever ask for.
For me, not only am I not OK with the way that eHarmony views GLBTQ rights and marriage, I also have an issue with their association with FoF because of abortion rights and their pro-life stance.
I want to share my appreciation and support for the bees who have so thoughtfully shared their feelings and concerns about the Weddingbee transition. It has been an honor to be a part of this incredibly supportive and creative community. I do have faith that Bee will ensure that this site continutes to support diversity not only of sexual orientation but race, religion, ideas, etc. However I hope that in the very near future eHarmony will change their stance on LGBTQ rights. I agree with Mrs. Jasmine that I will probably only feel comfortable staying with Weddingbee if eHarmony is committed to truly moving forward in their thinking on LGBTQ rights.
Stef: Why does it make you sad that “every single bee doesn’t feel as strongly”?
Isn’t this a country built on differing of opinions and choices? Just because one person in a community feels something, not everyone else should have to follow. What a sad world THAT would be.
1st - Congratulations to you Mrs. Bee. You took your creativity to the next level, started your own business and have successfully created a life for yourself and your husband. Not only does that make you and incredibly woman, but I think an inspiration to us all.
2nd - Mrs Gingerbread, we will miss you!
- when I speak to my friends about my addiction (it is an addiction) to weddingbee, the first and ultimate way I describe it, is with, I love the diversity of the site.
-I absolutley feel awakened seeing the marriages and creation of these weddings take place. I understand the religions more and etnicticities more. That has been an amazing experience to me.
Mrs. Cream Puff - I understand if you decide to leave, but will you please do us a favor, please give us a link to your own personal blog, that way we could all follow along with the professional pics. I don’t think I stand alone when I say, that we all know your wedding was beautiful and we would love to see the photographic proof of that! I for one, am willing to go to another domain just to see that beauty! 
I will continue reading. I don’t agree with eHarmoney practices either. But weddingbee comes first to me!
“Please respect the fact that we are standing up for what we believe in and are struggling with a very difficult decision, even if you don’t agree with it.” Goes both ways.
to be honest, i am surprised that so many bee bloggers have said that they will continue to post so that they can provide their support for the LGBT community. these are the same bloggers that devote 6 long posts to their wedding hunt and obsess over handmade invites and personalized favors. while there are some bloggers that have made their posts more socially conscious and not all about the perfect wedding day, more often than not, mots of the bloggers do not write about any real or social issues.
clearly, a whole blog devoted to how to make one day incredibly perfect is going to be a little bit frivolous - and that’s okay. but to disguise it as a greater, social cause is just a sham.
I really feel sympathetic for Mrs. Bee in all of this. I’m sure that she only had the BEST of intentions in all of this. It’s an exciting time for her and the whole “Bee” family but it seems to be coming with some pretty hefty consequences.
I wish you the best Mrs. Bee.
A rock and a hard place indeed.
So bittersweet. Happy for the success, sad that it’s eHarmony. I’ve been reading over 2 years now… I check the site about 5 times a day (addiction anyone?). I am in complete support of the LBGTQ community though, and I completely respect the girls who are leaving for their decision. I will continue to follow their stories through their personal blogs I hope.
Blargh. I can’t even put together eloquent words, I’m just so… torn. I will continue reading Weddingbee until I can fairly judge whether or not the changes (will there be changes? I suppose so. Even the eHarmony copyright at the bottom is making me cringe) are good or not.
Once again, I must interject.
To those who bandying about the word “hypocrite” where Mrs. Cream Puff and Mrs. Sweet Tea are concerned, I think you should understand something.
This announcement, while new to the general readership, is NOT new to the bees. In fact, there has been MUCH prolonged “behind-the-scenes” discussion of the issue for about two weeks now.
And the sad truth is, it quickly became a very divisive issue, with those bees with dissenting voices finding a great deal of pressure to “stay the course”. The very fact that Mrs. Cream Puff and Mrs. Sweet Tea have voiced their concerns as loudly and poignantly as they have does, in my opinion, warrant respect.
Additionally, the statements which are given in the above post underwent a great deal of scrutiny from both Mrs. Bee and eHarmony staff.
In short - please give them a break. You have no idea what their past few weeks have been like.
~~~
ed. note: please see this post to clarify some of the statements made in this comment, as well as Mrs. Lovebug’s follow up comments.
Wow. I didn’t know eHarmony did that. I love WeddingBee, I really do. And Im happy Mrs Bee came up with such a successful company. However, eHarmony doesn’t reflect Wedding Bee at all, and it feels like just another company buying another one out.
In some ways, I’ve lost respect for WeddingBee, which is really REALLY sad :o( I loved this place, and now its just a sell-out, in my eyes, and alot of other engaged girls’ eyes.
Sorry if that seemed harsh… but I hope something good comes out of this. Good luck.
Although I am happy for you Mrs. Bee, I am sad that I will have to leave this site as well as Project Wedding. It is indeed a sad day.
I was not aware of all the issues that would arise with the sale to E-Harmony as I knew nothing about the background of that company. It saddens me that such unfortunate emotions have risen out of what should have been a joyous occasion for Mr. & Mrs. Bee. With that said, weddingbee is what it is because of it’s bloggers and readers. Ultimately everyone is entitled to their choices and I wouldn’t for a second think that Mrs Bee had not taken all things into consideration before making the final decision. Mrs Bee has worked very hard at creating this wonderful community and has stated she will continue to be very much hands on post sale, but every person must decide for themselves what is best. It saddens me that the LGTBQ community may choose to not represent themselves on the site due to E-Harmony’s history, but I believe the decision is personal. Weddingbee may not be the same as we knew it when it was “private”, but I feel opting out of it would not be the best solution, but that is just my view. I will continue to read weddingbee as I have in the past, but will also follow those bees that choose to go their own route. My best wishes to all.
The diversity of all members of the Weddingbee community is the reason I come to this site. I come here to learn from all of you, and love, love, love that each of the Bee’s experience is different. I’ve loved learing about LDS from Miss Avocado and sharing with Miss ST and Mrs. Gingerbread with their struggles and joys. However, I can’t in good conscience continue visiting this site due to this new association with eHarmoney and their discriminatory practices. Sorry, but I won’t be visiting anymore.
Just seeing “Copyright 2004-2008, eHarmony, Inc.” at the bottom of the page makes me want to throw up a little.
If they were courted by others, why did they have to settle on Eharmony?
Lovebug: I’m just calling her a hypocrite because she is using the other site that is clearly owned and operated by this disgusting company. She even posted a review last week. I’m sorry she had a rough time with this decision, but if you’re going to post rants about how bad the company is and help people leave the site then own up and do it yourself.
I’ve been reading everyones thoughts. I sit here with my own thoughts and feelings on this situation and how to comment since the announcement.
I just wanted to say that had it not been for Mrs. Gingerbread posting on weddingbee my eyes wouldn’t have been open to everything the LGBTQ community when it comes to marriage/relationships.
As I don’t have an email address for Mrs. Gingerbread I’m hoping she’ll read my post here and it will give her some (trying to find the right adjective…. peace, satisfaction, comfort…. ) in knowing that you’ve taught me about your lifestyle and have brought things into perspective for me.
When people speak of expansion of diversity, I believe it should include all cultures, races, and sexual orentation. We’re human beings.
I can’t express what I’m trying to say, but I want to tell Mrs. Gingerbread thank you. Thank you for sharing a very intimate and personal time of your life with me (okay.. us) You answered questions I had about things that I didn’t even know I had and have been taught it would be “too rude” to ask. I’m grateful that you were able to do it on Weddingbee.
I would have liked to have sent you an email to tell you this but couldn’t find one for you. I’ll search your new blog.
and now.. I think I’m going to go cry…. 
I respect them for speaking up, of course. That is not what I am taking issue with. They are saying they can not support Weddingbee because of EH’s involvement but will continue to blog, for the time being.
And I only know what I have read today. I am not aware of any behind the scene information.
What a sad morning this has turned into for me. I am so moved by everyone’s comments whether I agree or disagree.
If you are leaving the site and have a personal blog, please post it. I’d love to add all of you to my reader. As for starting a new site, I couldn’t even know where to begin, but I’d definitely welcome an alternative to supporting EH. I’m sorry to say that, but I’m sure that WeddingBee will find all new readers and I truly hope Mrs. Bee is wildly successful as she is an amazing woman!
Sorry, but I can no longer support Weddingbee. There is a LOT more sinister stuff going on w/ eHarmony than just exclusion of LGBTQ people.
eHarmony’s matching is based on the principals of Christian marriage counseling, which highly discourages interracial and interfaith relationships. When eHarmony first started, they would not match people across racial and cultural lines. And although I filled out my profile to say I preferred Asian and Hispanic men who were Atheist, eH only matched me with white, demonstrably Christian guys.
Only recently have they started promoting the “diversity” angle, because they’ve only recently expanded their matching to cross those boundaries- but it’s all just a marketing ploy to make more money and expand their business- which would have been severely more limited had they not done so. Fuck eHarmony, they are nothing more than evangelical bigots disguised as benevolent matchmakers.
Sorry, Weddingbee, I was a loyal fan until now. Big props to those of you Bees who are even considering dropping out- speaks highly to your integrity.
For those readers who are leaving the site, I’m truly sorry to see you go, but I understand and support your decision. You can see my posts under the aegis of my own blog: http://doublyhappytoo.blogspot.com/. I hope you’ll continue to be a part of my wacky journey to the chuppah.
I’d like to piggy back onto what Mrs. Lovebug said. This post was a long time coming and had to be reviewed by eHarmony higher ups several times and was edited in several places. I hope that for Bee’s sake that that amount of labour to get one post up is an anomaly.
I also hope that all of those who say that they are staying on with reservations or to make sure that LGBTQ issues get air time really mean that. Choosing to stay obligates those allies who do so to be doubly committed to their principles. I hope that those who chose to stay on and who have stated that they intend to positively influence eHarmony towards more inclusiveness really mean what they say and are ready for a lot of hard work. Good intentions only get us so far.
~~~
ed. note: please see this post to clarify some of the statements made in this comment.
July 2008Bride - I agree with you 100%. Mrs. Gingerbread was an incredible eye opener for me as well. She helped me understand those things that were maybe just a little too taboo to ask someone outside of the weddingbee community!
Kudos to you Mrs. Gingerbread!
And ps - Goodluck Mrs. Bee. If I lived near you or actually knew you, i would bring you a basket full of carbs and beer. Probably a long day for you:(
I am disappointed in weddingbee for selling to a dating service with christian roots.
1. It does not make sense for a dating service to buy a wedding website. It appears the website is really pushing the idea of marriage on people using the site who are single.
I was upset a few months ago to read someone was granted the privilege of being a “bee” a few months ago who hadn’t received a proposal as of that time, yet had begun wedding planning. It felt a little forced for me, and I truly mean no disrespect to anyone. I know this bee talked it over with her husband to be, but what kind of message does that send to single women who view this site because it has great interesting content and is well written?
2. Weddingbee will lose a lot of it’s non-christian members and heterosexual members. The previous owners of weddingbee knew this, which is the reason for this post. This is sort of selling out, I understand wanting to sell the site for profit, but why to eharmony?
I feel extremely dissapointed and sad. Wedding bee has always been one of my book marks I visit daily, it no longer will be. I will find another wedding blog to enjoy.
Thank you for not doing this until after I got married! This site gave me the confidence to do a lot of DIY projects. Thanks!
sorry I meant to say homosexual and heterosexual.
I can only imagine the difficult choice that faces many of the bees upon hearing the eHarmony news. I, for one, do not believe that those who leave WB due to this news will invoke change, or have great impact on the overall income of the company. I feel that losing this part of the site’s diversity is a shame, and only creates a forum that seemingly does not support the LGBTQ community…which we know from the many discussion we’ve had here is not true. I do support those bees who will continue to blog here, and openly support LGBTQ issues. I believe that your voices will continue to make this a welcoming and diverse community…and that maybe this will be the beginning of change that many of us hope for.
Also, for those of you swayed by the eHarm representative’s paltry excuse for excluding gays in their matching process, please read the following:
http://culchavox.blogspot.com/2008/08/algorithm-method.html
The bottom line:
“you have to wonder why it took eight years for eHarmony and founder Dr. Neil Clark Warren, a friend of Focus on the Family founder and devoted political conservative Dr. James Dobson, to make the minor pivot to recognition of interracial love.”
AND- eHarm’s matching is based on MATH, it’s based on Algorithms:
“Algorithms don’t make racial distinctions or ignore people on the basis of sexual preference. They’re funny like that. But when you combine algorithms with an agenda, you’ve got trouble, or at least problems. eHarmony’s made one mathematical breakthrough: the discovery that persons inclined to interracial relationships actually exist and thrive in our culture, just like those inclined to single-race relationships.
Maybe the math whizzes at eHarmony will crack another code and discover what we already know: love = equal opportunity employer.”
Don’t take eHarmony’s bullshit lying down, y’all, as it goes against so many of what the Bees here believe. Stop payment on that check, Mrs. Bee. Over and out.
While like others, I’m happy that the Bee family will be getting some help, I also can’t help but think this is selling out. It might be different if it were to a less controversial company. For now, I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt that Weddingbee will not be changed, but if that day ever comes, I may have to stop reading as well. :\
I’m spent a long time going back and forth thinking about how I feel with the recent purchase of Weddingbee. Until now, I have kept my thoughts mostly to myself until I had decided how I feel. While I can’t say that I’ve completely made up my mind, the time has come to speak up or never be heard.
First, I do want to congratulate Bee on her amazing accomplishment. She has worked tirelessly to make Weddingbee what it is today, and her efforts have been rewarded!
I, unfortunately, did not know about eHarmony’s history until after the news of the sale. I cannot say I agree with their stance on LGBTQ issues, and quite honestly, I had never been sure how I felt about Weddingbee to ANY company.
I probably would have never volunteered to write for Weddingbee, as part of a corporation - and especially one with principles in which I do not agree. As a married bee, I only have a few more posts in me, so I will continue to write. I write out of loyalty to Bee, Mr. Bee, and all of you readers, who have allowed me to have an outlet to share my ideas, and have supported me during my planning.
It is sad for me to see bees and readers leave Weddingbee, but I can fully understand your decision to do so.
@Michelle: nope, I don’t agree with your statement. there are some very basic things that people haven’t always agreed about through time that i am incredibly sad, disappointed, and often angry to discover all people don’t agree with. Civil rights. Womens rights. Inter-racial marriage. Same sex marriage. If eH’s site was discriminating against people based on race, I do think that a lot more (and hopefully ALL) bees would be outta here, rather than just a few. And that would not have been the case years and years ago. So yes, I think it’s “sad” that people don’t feel as strongly about same-sex marriage and see the opposition as absurd as those same people would for inter-racial marriage, as an example.
Very well stated, Anon. Wow. See? 8 years for eHarmony and founder Dr. Neil Clark Warren to make “the minor pivot to recognition of interracial love.” How that can sit well with anyone, I don’t understand (and never will, and won’t try to, and won’t apologize for).
Well, thus ends my Weddingbee addiction. I would have liked to keep up with all the Bees, but I guess I’ll be doing that on their personal blogs. The situation makes me really sad, and I wish you guys had made the decision to sell to a different and more socially conscious parent company.
I’d like to reiterate what Mrs. GB said in comment #55 - I do respect the decisions of those Bees who are continuing to blog here in the hopes that they can have some hand at changing eHarmony. Please don’t back down. Sadly, I’m too cynical to really think that eHarmony will change as a result of bloggers/readers actively voicing their dissent, OR bloggers/readers (like me) no longer reading/subscribing to Weddingbee. But I appreciate the idealism and persistence of those trying to make a change by still blogging. I do truly hope that Weddingbee continues to succeed **while still encouraging blogger and reader diversity.**
My support goes out to the bees who have made the difficult decision to leave the hive. To those who are staying because they claim to want to get at eHarmony from the inside, I hope you understand that you’re going to have to do a lot more than you are now. With a few exceptions (Mrs. Gingerbread, Miss Sweet Tea, and Miss Pinot Noir’s environmental posts come to mind), very few bees blog about social issues. Also, should you find that The Powers That Be aren’t as accepting of your new posting style as you thought they would be, I hope you will leave and stop letting eHarmony make money off of your hard work.
Sadly, I won’t be around to see if anyone follows through with what they said in this thread.
Oh, I’m so disappointed by this, especially because it means losing amazing bloggers, but I completely understand any weddingbee blogger’s decision to leave this site. I was looking forward to applying for a spot as a blogger on weddingbee, but I could never bring myself to do that now.
I think it might make sense to do a cohesive follow-up post with links to all of the bees blogs, so readers can stay up-to-date with the wedding plans of their favorite bees, without feeling morally opposed, etc.
Honestly, I can say that when I was first told I would be a blogger here, I was ecstatic. I was also told by Mrs. Bee about the business shift, but I didn’t even think about the impacts. I was just extremely excited to be a bee!
Like I commented previously, congrats to Mrs. Bee and everyone else who have worked so hard to make this site as successful as it is today!
Now that I’m reading about the views of eHarmony (sorry I’m sheltered), I really truly hope this site still holds true to it’s past and present stance to the LGBTQ community, and doesn’t let eHarmony affect it in any way.
I will continue blogging on here, because the main reason I wanted to blog on here is to return the favor to and share my ideas with all the bees and readers who have inspired me in my planning so far.
I agree with Mrs. Toucan. I’m also sad to see bees and readers leave this site.
I agree with Mrs X. What I really love about Weddingbee is the diversity here; there are brides from all different faiths, races, sexualities, income levels, etc. I love to read all the blogs and learn about people who are different from myself. I feel that it really gives me perspective and helps to open my eyes to the wide world. I understand their reasoning and respect those who are leaving, but I think it is really sad that Weddingbee will lose that diversity. As long as Bee can maintain the integrity and openness of Weddingbee (which I think she will), I think it would be beneficial for everyone to stay so that we, the faithful readers, continue to learn about and engage in ideas and practices that may be different from our own. Just think: if everyone on Weddingbee who supports LGBTQ leaves because of the acquisition by eHarmony, what are we left with? Little diveristy and fewer engaging opinions and ideas.
I really admire all the the strong ethical commitment here - especially Mrs. Gingerbread. I originally thought this sale was ok, but reading more about eHarmony, I no longer think it is
I don’t want to make that company ANY money - that is why.
I am also going to have to jump on the bandwagon and bid farewell to my weddingbee readership days. I am deeply disturbed that this decision was made. And although I understand that once a bee it would be hard to stop posting, I can’t find any validity in the “posting to make change from within” argument. That’s like saying that you are going to walk in to a store that sells something you are morally against and telling the owner what he/she is doing is wrong, while handing him a big wad of cash. Raising awareness is key, but we need to make our voices heard without financially benefitting that which we are standing up against. We all know how it works with internet advertising - if the talented and eloquent bees keep posting and readers keep reading, eharmony is going to make money through advertising. How are a few posts about suport for marriage equality going to cause them to change? In our capitalist society the only thing that is going to stop companies like eharmony from continuing with their discrimatory policies is if we execute a full on boycott. I am sad to go, as so many others are, but the knowledge of what my “clicks” are doing makes me sick.
The bees give so much of their time and share so much of their lives through blogging. They submitted their work for review and were chosen by Mrs. Bee to blog. It’s my understanding that they are volunteers on an outstanding blog and are essentially contributing stars on an online community. This entity has now been sold to a corporation. My question: Will the bees now be paid?
@Miss Candy Corn:
That would be awesome. I’m sad about the situation, but I’ve got to vote with my feet, so to speak.
I just want to add that I hope this post can be added to each of the contributors “miss” or “mrs.” blogs with the comments in tact. If my content is going to remain on this site, I want this to be reflected as my last post and I would like the discussion that was added by the readers to be included in that as it would be with any other post.
I’d like to thank the readers who have expressed their support, passion and commitment to LGBTQ rights and marriage equality. It means a lot to read your comments. I wish I could thank you all individually but my head is spinning from all of comments on both posts. Thank you again.
I did not know about eHarmony’s history with same-sex or interracial couples until I read this post; thank you for opening my eyes, Hive.
I could see choosing to focus on heterosexual couples as a valid business decision, just as I could see deciding to make a dating sight just for same-sex couples as a valid business decision. But I am wildly uncomfortable with eHarmony’s contributions to Focus on the Family, and with Mr. Holt’s non-answer to the concerns raised by Mrs. Cream Puff, Mrs. Gingerbread, and Miss Sweet Tea. Knowing this, I cannot in good conscience purchase anything from Weddingbee’s advertisers. I don’t want a single dime of my money to end up in Dobson’s coffers.
I have to say at this point that I think I’m glad my application last month to become a Bee was rejected. I’ve been reading Weddingbee ever since I got engaged in January because it’s a fun, laid back place with lots of fun DIY projects and, unlike some other wedding communities, not obsessed with what you “should” and “have” to do in order to have a “perfect” wedding day. When Mrs. Gingerbread joined the Hive, I was super excited as she was the first non-heterosexual Bee I’d seen. As a queer bride-to-be in a heterosexual relationship, I was ecstatic to see her inclusion (and the later additions of other marriage-equality-conscious brides!).
But now I feel that rejection (as much as I hated it at the time!) was a blessing in disguise, because it makes my decision to no longer read Weddingbee much easier. If I were actively blogging for the site I can understand why it would be harder to leave - by volunteering to become a Bee you are making a commitment to Mrs. Bee, the other contributors, and the readers. Now, however, becoming a Bee means making a commitment to help out eHarmony - a company that obviously doesn’t have the greatest standing among a lot of the audience here (and I’m so glad so many of us are talking about the various issues we have with them!).
I definitely second Miss Candy Corn’s post #70 - a list of the bee’s blogs would definitely be helpful so we can follow along with our favorite Bees without helping eHarmony’s bottom line.
Bee,
If I’m saddened by the number of people choosing to leave the site, I can’t even imagine what a hard day it has been for you. I personally choose to remain a loyal reader, and am interested to see what is going to happen in the future. I’m giving eH a chance to prove their words in letting WB operates the way it has always been. I hope they will stay true to their promise. *hugs*
I was undecided about continuing to read Weddingbee until I saw Mrs. Gingerbread’s comment:
“This post was a long time coming and had to be reviewed by eHarmony higher ups several times and was edited in several places. I hope that for Bee’s sake that that amount of labour to get one post up is an anomaly.”
Apparently Bee does not retain the rights to the editorial content as much as she and others would like to think.
That has made my decision to discontinue reading Weddingbee that much easier. Congratulations on selling out and not supporting the GLBT individuals, including ones who are contributors to your own site, or should I say eHarmony’s site.
To Mrs. Gingerbread, Mrs. Creampuff, and Miss Sweet Tea: You (and Mrs. Lovebug) could not be more eloquent, honest, or thoughtful in your posts. As I mentioned in my comments to the original posting, I will continue to blog because I hope that by supporting queer and LGBT issues in my posts, I will:
“1) undermine E-Harmony’s corporate “identity” from within;
2) challenge and subvert a deeply heteronormative company, industry, and institution by demonstrating that beautiful relationships, marriages, and families come in all different religions, ethnicities, races, and sexualities; and
3) help create and maintain a welcoming space for all types of brides and grooms.”
I just want to add one additional comment re: E-Harmony’s response. The “research model” excuse is nothing more than an excuse; E-Harmony is branching into markets (i.e., China) that are culturally very different, and for which E-Harmony’s established research model would have to be tweaked. There is nothing that precludes E-Harmony from doing the same with GLBT matches. Nothing other than its affiliation with Focus on the Family and likeminded groups. That being said, I hope our support of GLBT relationships here on this site will show E-Harmony that there’s not only profit but virtue in disavowing their connection with FotF and in changing their exclusionary policy.