Wedding Blog
Over the past two weeks, I’ve called most of the 100+ Bees to share the news (we do most things virtually here in the hive, so it was the first time I had spoken to a number of Bees!). Everyone was really excited and I was touched by how many people had faith in me to do what’s right for Weddingbee. That’s a lot of trust, and I will do everything I can not to let you down.
A bunch of questions came up, most of which I jotted down and answered in the last post. But a few Bees also shared some concerns around our new parent company eHarmony, since their website doesn’t offer same-sex matching.
We’re sad to report that one of our married Bees – Mrs. Gingerbread – has decided she is no longer going to contribute to Weddingbee. Her posts will stay up on the website, but she won’t be posting any more. We understand and respect her decision, and thank her from the bottom of our hearts for her many contributions to the hive.
Two of our other Bees – Miss Sweet Tea and Mrs. Creampuff – shared similar views about the need for eHarmony to offer a same-sex matching service… but are going to continue blogging for now.
All three Bees asked to post their thoughts on the site, so they could express their concerns. I agreed, and you can read their posts below.
Publishing these posts was my decision. I personally support marriage equality, and believe that everyone should have the right to marry who they love. I’m very pleased that eHarmony has allowed me to publish these concerns on the site. They understand the strong voice of Weddingbee’s community, which was one of the reasons I was enthusiastic about working with their team.
This has been the first true test of our editorial integrity, and I’m glad to report that editorial control of the site is still firmly in our hands.
Here are the three bees with their thoughts.
Mrs. Cream Puff
When Bee first shared with me that she had sold Weddingbee, I was thrilled for her. She has worked long nights for years, making this site into what it is today, and I totally support her decision to sell. After all, more resources mean more cool features for you guys and more personal time for Bee and Mr. Bee, which I think we can all agree is a good thing! When I heard that Weddingbee had been sold to eHarmony, though, I was very concerned.
I don’t remember when I first heard about eHarmony’s Christian roots; it was many years ago, I know that. Although I knew that the website matched non-Christian couples (heck, one of my bridesmaids met her husband through eHarmony!), I’ll admit that I figured they were still contributing financially to Focus on the Family. Why did I think that? After all these years, eHarmony still excludes gay people from their matching, and show no sign of supporting them in the future (see the last paragraph on the last page of this article, which gives a quote from eHarmony’s CEO: “…We have a lot of things to go after and the gay community is not a market we’re going to pursue and that’s it.”). Although it seems clear that eHarmony is trying to move away from the Christian sector and appeal to heterosexual people of all religious backgrounds, their lack of support for the LGBTQ community is a deal-breaker for me. No matter what their reasoning, excluding a group of people from their website is discrimination. Until eHarmony provides equal matching for the LGBTQ community, I will feel that the company as a whole is discriminatory.
That being said, I love Weddingbee, and I love all of you readers. Being a blogger on this website has been so fun and rewarding: I was honored to be chosen to share my wedding planning journey with you guys, and I am totally amazed and flattered every time I read your supportive comments. I am almost done sharing my experience with you, and although I do have a lot more to say, what I really feel that I need to do is share the rest of my professional wedding photos with you. I started this journey with you guys, and it’s only right to take this last step with you there as well. I want to show you what came from all that hard work!
After I talked with Mrs. Bee, I realized that I had a very difficult decision to make: as much as I love Weddingbee and you readers, I felt like I couldn’t volunteer to make eHarmony more money. I had no problem spending my time and energy blogging on Weddingbee before; it is so rewarding to communicate with you guys, and so fun to be part of the Hive. Mr. and Mrs. Bee made their living from Weddingbee, and I was happy to help them. eHarmony, however, is a different story: I could not in good conscience contribute to the wealth of a company which is so drastically at odds with my own morals and values.
At that point, I felt that I had two options: I either left Weddingbee and shared my reason for leaving, or I stayed on at Weddingbee, but somehow made my opposition to eHarmony’s practices known. Thankfully, I have been allowed to do the latter. To be honest, I am still on the fence about whether or not I will keep blogging for Weddingbee: one thing I know for sure, however, is that I do not want my name, even a moniker, associated with this company. Please know that by choosing to stay on as a Bee right now, I am by no means making a permanent decision: I am still very much undecided.
Because this is a wedding planning website, politics aren’t generally discussed here (which is probably a good thing). I know that many of you don’t have the same view on gay marriage as I do; you may be religious or not agree with calling a gay marriage “marriage.” As a result, I am sure that this post will be very controversial. I just ask you to remember one thing: this is how I feel, and I feel very, very strongly about it. None of us are looking to create a firestorm in the comments section. :) Please respect the fact that we are standing up for what we believe in and are struggling with a very difficult decision, even if you don’t agree with it.
Thank you!
Cream Puff
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Miss Sweet Tea
I wanted to start this post by congratulating Bee and the behind-the-scenes support staff for finally seeing the fruits of their labor with the sale of Weddingbee. I was a long-time Weddingbee stalker before I became a volunteer blogger for the site, and seeing Bee and co. develop the site has been incredible. I’m sure we can all agree that Weddingbee has been an invaluable resource for planning our weddings and a great source of community.
Though I was excited for the change, I must admit my heart sunk when I found out that eHarmony was the company Weddingbee was sold to. It’s no big reveal that principles of social justice underlie not only my wedding planning process, but also my choice of profession and personal goals. As a queer woman and advocate for LGBTQ issues, I have strong reservations about eHarmony’s history and their current stance towards the LGBTQ community, as it goes directly against what I have worked so hard for.
eHarmony has stated that it is not part of their current business plan to include same-sex matching on their website any time soon. Maintaining the ‘business interests‘ of the company has been eHarmony’s justification for denying its services to the LGBTQ community, though the history of its founder’s connection to Focus on the Family suggests to me that there are more than business interests at play.
If we are going to talk about business interests, then I believe eHarmony’s acceptance of the existing LGBTQ bloggers on Weddingbee (myself and Mrs. Gingerbread) is nothing more than another business decision. Token representation of a few LGBTQ bloggers on Weddingbee is not the same as changing an entire business model that I believe discriminates against members of the LGBTQ community as a whole.
My concern with eHarmony capitalizing on the presence of LGBTQ bloggers is not only out of principle, but out of the real material benefits the company gains by our continued blogging. It is profitable for eHarmony when any of us Bees blog; meanwhile, eHarmony loses nothing, because they can appear to support the LGBTQ community on Weddingbee while continuing to block same-sex matching on their main website. It is very painful for me to know that the ad revenue Weddingbee garners from its readers gives eHarmony more money to profit from, and to continue practices that I believe are discriminatory against the LGBTQ community.
I have loved blogging for Weddingbee, but I am concerned that my continued presence on this site suggests a tacit acceptance of eHarmony or their practices. I want to state for the record that this is not the case- I do not. eHarmony is a privately-owned company, and the moral imperatives guiding its business model are its choice. I, however, am not comfortable knowing that my contribution to Weddingbee ultimately benefits a company whose values and morals differ so drastically from my own.
I have every intention of continuing to blog through my wedding, because I would love to share the rest of my journey to the aisle with all of you. I hope that eHarmony is open to me continuing to include my views on wedding-related issues that I feel are important, such as LGBTQ marriage equality, and I look forward to continued dialogue with you all as Weddingbee moves into this new phase of growth and change. If I do decide to leave down the road, dear readers, know that it has been a joy and honor to be a part of the Weddingbee community with all of you!
Sincerely,
Miss Sweet Tea
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Mrs. Gingerbread
I’ll admit that I am feeling quite uncomfortable about the sale of Weddingbee to eHarmony. I totally understand why Weddingbee sold and I am very excited for what this means for Bee. I think she deserves kudos for creating a successful company that is in demand. However, I am not too keen on being a blogger for eHarmony.
I am concerned about this new partnership for two reasons.
1) I am concerned with eHarmony’s heavy involvement from 2000-2005 with Focus on the Family, an organization that promotes unscientific conversion therapies of LGBTQ people and homosexuality as a mental illness. I know that as both a member of the LGBTQ community and as a psychologist, that this rhetoric and these practices have and continue to cause a lot of harm to LGBTQ people. I am not sure that I can be involved with a company that in any way is associated with an organization that promotes this type of practice. Eharmony has distanced themselves from Focus on the Family for the past few years, but I worry that this is more of a business decision rather than an actual change of heart. I believe that their current company practices support my concerns.
2) eHarmony has a practice against same-sex matching. As recently as May 2008, the CEO of eHarmony was quoted in this article saying, “There’s a real business issue here,” Waldorf said. “You’ve got to decide what market you’re going to put resources against. For example, we’ve decided that the Chinese market will be a big enough opportunity. We have a lot of things to go after and the gay community is not a market we’re going to pursue and that’s it.”
eHarmony has associated with one of the most anti-LGBTQ organizations in the U.S. in the recent past and has a current practice of LGBTQ exclusion. To me, this indicates that eHarmony is an anti-LGBTQ company. Some might interpret eHarmony’s purchase of Weddingbee as a sign of progress, as they obviously know we had LGBTQ bloggers. This concerns me, because I don’t want my presence as a blogger to be used as evidence that eHarmony has become more inclusive. If eHarmony really wants to be inclusive of the LGBTQ community, this should be reflected in their policies.
Some have argued that the best thing we can do to support LGBTQ equality is to stay on board to try to make changes from within the organization. I am not convinced that this is the best way for me to show support for my community. It has been really fun sharing my experiences of wedding planning with all of you and I am grateful to have been a part of the Weddingbee community. If eHarmony changes their practices in the future, then I’d feel more comfortable being a part of an eHarmony company. Until then, I don’t think that I can reconcile the past and present actions of eHarmony and continue to blog on this site. I wish I felt differently since I still have plenty that I want to share with you and I will miss this community. If eHarmony changes what I feel are discriminatory policies, then I’d love to return. Until then, you can find me over at my other blog http://twochicksnest.blogspot.com/.
All the best and many thanks,
Mrs. Gingerbread
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After reading these concerns, Stan over at eHarmony asked if he could share a response:
Hi everyone,
We’re excited to welcome Bee to eHarmony and to become part of the Weddingbee community. As you all know, she’s an amazing person who has an incredible passion for what she does. We’re looking forward to helping her fulfill her vision for Weddingbee.
Since our earliest conversations, we agreed with Bee that she should keep running Weddingbee after the acquisition and that we shouldn’t make any major changes – least of all to the content. We really value the strong, diverse voices that everyone brings to the site.
eHarmony’s matchmaking service was started in 2000 after we completed research on thousands of opposite sex married couples. That research is the foundation for our singles matching service today. That service has been adapted for foreign markets over time including Canada, Australia, and the UK and nothing precludes us from offering a same-sex matching service in the future.
We’re very proud of the many marriages that result from our site. A 2007 Harris Interactive study indicated that 236 people, on average, get married every day in the United States as a result of being matched on eHarmony. The users getting married are very diverse and you can read more about them here: http://www.eharmony.com/diversity. You can learn more about the history of the company here: http://www.eharmony.com/about/faq.
Today, the company has more than 200 employees around the world, and, like any mainstream company, we’re a mix of gender, ethnicity, age and sexual preference. I’ve been here six months myself and find it a great place to work, where people are committed to helping others with some of the biggest personal decisions they face in life.
Though I don’t agree with all the statements in the posts above, we do appreciate the exchange of views. The most important point we want to emphasize is that each of you has been an integral part of shaping Weddingbee and making the hive a vibrant online community. We hope you’ll continue to find value in Weddingbee, and over time see our commitment to helping the community continue to grow and thrive.
Sincerely,
Stanley Holt, Vice President of Publishing, eHarmony.
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Mrs. Bee
Thanks Stan, for sharing the eHarmony perspective. I’m glad we made the decision to air these concerns, and am looking forward to working together.
I think that marriage equality is an important issue in the wedding industry. I’ve noticed that the wedding industry as a whole seems resistant to the idea – I can’t remember ever seeing a gay bride or couple in any wedding magazine or tv show. The same goes for mainstream wedding websites. I think this is bound to change over time, and hope that Weddingbee will play some small part in that.
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One last thought: I don’t mean to speak for all of the Bees with my thoughts above. I am speaking only for myself, and for Weddingbee.com as a whole. But several Bees asked if they could chime in with their thoughts on marriage equality, so please check out the comments!
Best,
Mrs. Bee
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Update: Please read this post clarifying some of the rumors in the comments section below.
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Share this post: Weddingbee and Marriage Equality
To Mrs. Gingerbread, Mrs. Creampuff, and Miss Sweet Tea: You (and Mrs. Lovebug) could not be more eloquent, honest, or thoughtful in your posts. As I mentioned in my comments to the original posting, I will continue to blog because I hope that by supporting queer and LGBT issues in my posts, I will:
“1) undermine E-Harmony’s corporate “identity” from within;
2) challenge and subvert a deeply heteronormative company, industry, and institution by demonstrating that beautiful relationships, marriages, and families come in all different religions, ethnicities, races, and sexualities; and
3) help create and maintain a welcoming space for all types of brides and grooms.”
I just want to add one additional comment re: E-Harmony’s response. The “research model” excuse is nothing more than an excuse; E-Harmony is branching into markets (i.e., China) that are culturally very different, and for which E-Harmony’s established research model would have to be tweaked. There is nothing that precludes E-Harmony from doing the same with GLBT matches. Nothing other than its affiliation with Focus on the Family and likeminded groups. That being said, I hope our support of GLBT relationships here on this site will show E-Harmony that there’s not only profit but virtue in disavowing their connection with FotF and in changing their exclusionary policy.
Thank you for that perspective, Hot Cocoa.
I personally do not believe that we have the POWER to change eHarmony from within, nor do I believe that Bee has that power.
In my life, I have never been presented with such an opportunity. I chose not to use eHarmony when I was dating, but their membership fee was a very nominal amount of money to choose not to give them. Now I am actually MAKING THEM MONEY. If I choose not to blog on Weddingbee anymore, I feel that I would be making far more of an impact than staying on would do. I am not under any illusions that I have more power than I do.
I think the idea of an honest exchange is great, so I’m very disappointed in E-Harmony’s representative for pointing to this bogus research-model excuse. Neil Clark Warren of E-Harmony is well-known for his highly exclusive brand of evangelical Christianity. His link with Focus on the Family supports this, as FotF not only discriminates against gays but also believes a woman should not have the right to choose what to do with her own body. I’ll be interested to see how WeddingBee develops beneath this dangerous and sinister influence.
I want to thank you for sharing and voicing your concerns and/or reasons for leaving. I want to thank you for your contributions and for challenging my own personal beliefs and changing them. I appreciate the diversity you have given to the Weddingbee community and applaud you in your efforts to promote equality. Thank you!
I’m so happy for Bee and the Weddingbee family, and hope that Bee gets a much needed vacation as a result of this sale.
But, I share deep concerns about eHarmony’s exclusionary policies, and feel conflicted about supporting a company under their umbrella. However, I have decided to keep blogging and openly supporting LGBTQ marriage on this site for the same reasons Miss Hot Cocoa outlined above.
I hope my little contribution towards equality helps open up some minds and hearts to the idea that love knows no boundaries, and it is not for us to judge who should be able to marry and who should not.
I think it is great to hear both sides, I know being in CA this is a very large issue with Prop 8 being voted on in mere weeks (this could overturn the right for same sex couples to marry). I hope that Mrs. Cream Puff & Miss Sweet Tea continue to blog and will miss Mrs. Gingerbread.
Many congratulations to Bee, Mr. Bee, and BIL Bee! Weddingbee is a true labor of love and I’m proud of everything the Bees have accomplished. It’s truly an honor to be a member of such a supportive, inspiring community and I foresee great things ahead for readers and bees alike.
That being said, I want to take a moment to share my feelings and concerns. It is my understanding that eHarmony will fully support Weddingbee’s values of inclusiveness and diversity. But I think many of us will agree that mere support is not enough. They have an opportunity to prove that their exclusionary policies are in the past and I will be watching carefully to see that they take advantage of it. It’s my sincere hope that eHarmony will be inspired by Weddingbee’s example and be moved to cast a critical eye at their own company. Ideally, they will move forward with advocacy for the rights of LGBTQ couples, validation of LGBTQ relationships, and dissassociation with discriminatory organizations and groups. I am very committed to doing what I can to encourage the company’s forward movement. I think I can only stay on at Weddingbee if I feel comfortable that eHarmony is *genuinely* moving in that direction.
I also wanted to applaud the bees who so openly shared their concerns in the above statement. I’m so proud to know each of you and call you a friend.
I also share deep concerns about the policies of eharmony. I am all for the support of the LGBTQ community and marriage rights, and this has put me in quite a spot.
I can only hope that by staying, I will help the effort that Miss Hot Cocoa has listed above.
I fully agree with what Miss Hot Cocoa and Miss Meatball stated above. It is my hope that by eHarmony allowing Weddingbee to continue to support marriage equality that it is a glimmer of change from within their company.
Firstly, congratulations to Mrs. Bee for the news.
But I have to admit that I find that eHarmony’s involvement with Wedding Bee to be disconcerting to say the least. Even though same sex bloggers will still be featured on Wedding Bee, I can’t help but think that eHarmony is just putting on a façade of acceptance to the public. If I were in Mrs. Gingerbread’s shoes, I would have done the exact same thing.
I was really looking forward to applying to become a “Bee” blogger on this website, but now I’m truly torn from even continuing to be a reader.
A few years ago a certain fast food company started a marketing campaign that clearly expressed their view that they were advertising to males. The half naked girls writhing around on bulls and fancy cars made that very clear to me. Because of that, and their decision to exclude a portion of the population in their advertising tactics, I have not given that company my business since. I have stood by that and didn’t waver because they had an awesome new milkshake flavor come out that I would greatly enjoy.
Mrs. Gingerbread: The utmost respect for your decision and your commitment to follow through all the way in your decision not to blog for this site anymore. Best of luck to you!
@Creampuff: You use the word “deal breaker” coupled with this comment: “I could not in good conscience contribute to the wealth of a company which is so drastically at odds with my own morals and values”, leads me to believe that your exit from the site is a sure thing. But you waver. You want to continue to share your professional pictures to finish your journey as a blogger on this site. Your passion for this cause should outweigh all other reasons to continue blogging. If you stand up for something, stand up for it all the way. This post should be your last, no matter how hard it is to walk away before you feel your time here is over.
@Sweet tea: As someone who stands very firm for these issues and for which they are in fact, personal to your own life, it is confusing as to why you would continue blogging. This is your life. This is your passion. Yet you are willing to turn a cheek in order to show off your wedding? A quote from you: “I, however, am not comfortable knowing that my contribution to Weddingbee ultimately benefits a company whose values and morals differ so drastically from my own.” If you really feel this way, Weddingbee should not be the place that you share your wedding.
While it is sad that readers (and bloggers) are leaving weddingbee, I find it admirable that people stand up 100% for what they believe in. To post words of dissent for this site and the new owners but to stick around to show off your pictures bothers me. I hate to use such a strong word but it is the only one I can come up with: hypocritical.
The fact that the gentleman from eHarmony is characterizing sexuality as “preference” rather than orientation is enough for me. Does eHarmony officially subscribe to this bigoted myth, or are they just so blase about their dealings with the LGTBQ community that they didn’t think twice about the language they use?
Also, nice call stuffing all this into one post rather than several. That way dissenting opinions will get pushed off the home page faster! Well played.
I am so happy for Mrs. Bee, but truthfully am very uncomfortable about the sale to eHarmony. I love the wedding bee and it has been one of my favorite parts about the planning process, but I have had strong personal feelings about this company for many years, and even adding to the daily counter of those who visit WB does not feel right. I’m not sure if I can continue visiting the site.
@Michelle: You’re right. I think part of me felt like maybe I COULD change this website from within, as some of the other bloggers have said above. I actually wrote the above post quite awhile ago, and have had more time to think since then.
or rather, change eHarmony from within, not this website.
When first stumling on to Weddingbee 5 months ago, I was truly amazed. To read the blogs of these amazing and successful women still finding the time to plan the wedding of their dreams. I send huge congrats to the Bees’ and BIL Bee. It is well-deserved!
Growing up in Appalachin Region of the country I have been an automatic stereotype magnet. Though I grew up in the city, 10 minutes outside the states biggest city, I still would be considered a “redneck” just for my demographics. Hopefully I speak for the educated, open-minded, equality-seeking sector of my states when I say this. I fully support the LGBTQ community. I also fully support the Bees in this amazing hive. As Miss Hot Cocoa, Mrs. Creampuff, Miss Meatball, and Miss Sweat Tea have stated, I hope that this merger will help to shape the future of eHarmony and the change of their policies. Mrs. Gingerbread though I am sad to see you leave, I completely admire your strong-will and willingness to give up something you love for something you BELIEVE in. I wish you and the Mrs. the best of luck! To all the other Bees and Weddingbee Readers like me, there cannot be change or evolving without a voice. Speak your thoughts! Love to you all!
Future Mrs. D… in 8 days =)
Mrs. Cream Puff: Do you have a personal blog? I, for one, would be happy to view the remainder of your wedding photos there!
I fully second Ms. K. While I understand what Miss Hot Cocoa and Miss Meatball are saying, and why they’re continuing to blog, I have to agree with Miss Cream Puff in her cynicism. Blogging for eHarmony on an ad-supported site is making them money; until Weddingbee’s LGBTQ writership comprises a (much) higher percentage of the total Bees, eHarmony will be able to point to ‘inclusivity’ while not actually having to condone a non-hetero-Christian marriage standard.
I’m getting married in September 2009, and I had my heart set on applying to become a Bee. I am so disappointed that I won’t ever have the chance now; I am certainly not willing to earn eHarmony money by blogging here, and I am uncertain that I’ll be able to continue supporting their ad revenue by reading Weddingbee.
I appreciate your reasons for selling, Mrs. Bee, and i especially appreciate all of you Bees who have written in with your views of marriage equality, but I don’t think I can continue to support the site knowing it’s backed by a corporation with such a history and worldview.
I am skeptical that eHarmony would put zero pressure on the hive to exclude LGTBQ bloggers. I also feel sorry that this, which should be an exciting time for the Bees, feels so much like selling out. Keeping your convictions while partnering with someone of the opposite convictions seems impossible.
Looking forward to hearing the other comments.
Becky
@Mrs. Cream Puff: I’m curious as to why you find it perfectly ok to be associated with Project Wedding (also owned by eHarmony)? I googled your moniker “stinkerpants” and found your business posted there as well as your recent vendor reviews. Does this means you’re actually using eHarmony as a vehicle for your business?
The word “hypocrite” pops up for me as well.
As a long time reader of Weddingbee, this is bittersweet. I have used this site during my long engagement and feel connected to the hive.
I am happy for Mrs. Bee yet extremely disappointed in the sale to eHarmony. Personally, I believe Love is Love, regardless of age, gender, religious views, sexuality. I believe in marriage equality. I believe in same sex rights. And mostly I believe in holding strong to my convictions and doing what I think is right. And for me, what is right is staying supportive of my same-sex friends and family members. I will no longer be visiting, reading, or supporting this site. I will also no longer refer my friends and family to this site for the wedding needs.
I truly wish Mrs. Bee the best in life, as well as all the other bees in the hive. But I refuse to support the discriminatory company eHarmony.
@jgs: I do, and I would be more comfortable with that, also. It’s: http://www.stinkerpants.com/blog
I honestly didn’t have a reference to eHarmony before this situation emerged…I never knew the kind of inequality this dating site had shown and I’m grateful that my eyes have been opened. I just recently posted on the last entry by Mrs. Bee how excited I was for her and how I had hoped to become a Bee here someday, but in all honesty, I don’t believe the decision to sell this site to eHarmony was made with all of the information given to Mrs. Bee, otherwise I doubt she’d make the decision to lose a great deal of her bloggers, potential bloggers, and readership. At least, I hope not.
Best of luck to Mrs. GB and everyone else who is courageous enough to take a stand against this company and it’s abysmal practices.
It is pretty clear from the history of eHarmony that, regardless of the religeous beliefs of its’ founder, he has a history of using whatever group of people might help to line his own pocket. The company first marketed to and affiliated itself with groups like Focus on the Family, with the idea that they were promoting so-called “Christian” values - in that they weren’t interested in promoting dating (with all the messy potential for premarital sex that goes along with that) but in promoting marriage. If they could get like-minded religeous institutions to agree with them, they had a sort of captive market. Just recently, they have decided that affiliation with certain groups (e.g., FOTF) might be bad for business - primarily because they have outgrown their initial captive market, and determined that in the wider world there are a lot of folks who are turned off by that kind of religeous bigotry and fanaticism, and therefore won’t give their credit card number to a company with that kind of affiliation.
I’m sure that their ventures into Asian markets are business-based decision (Hey, look at the Chinese! There are over a billion of them, you know! And now they have computers and disposable income! Never mind that they are mostly not “Christian.”) If they thought there was a significant (percentage of income-wise) LGBT market, I’m sure they would go after that as well. However, what is clear is that they’re not a company that so much cares whether you meet someone who is right for you, as they are a company that wants you money - and that sells its “success” rate as the reason for you to shell it out. I’m not sure that it’s “discrimination” not to be singled out as the next group of sheep to be fleeced.
And frankly, the idea that people with similar personality styles might be more compatible isn’t either new or invented by eHarmony. There are stacks of data on personality style testing (Myers-Briggs and others) that are used by all kinds of organizations every year. In fact, it’s not true that people with identical personality styles are more compatible, and it is true that they are generally not efficient as a team. What is required to have a compatible and effective team, at work or in marriage, is to understand, respect, and know how to work with the strengths and weaknesses of both your own personality style, and that of your partner (or team).
I am interested to see how the whole “undermin[ing] E-Harmony’s corporate ‘identity’ from within” will work on a site that is now owned by a large corporate entity.
Is eHarmony going to allow Mrs. Bee complete creative control over posting, including posts that ‘undermine’ their corporate identity? I doubt it. If they do, then I will be impressed!
I will continue to check out WeddingBee to see how this all goes down. I think deals like this can go both ways - they can water down a site’s edgy content, or (if this is done in a smart way, which it sounds like it is) they can give a boost to a site while allowing them to maintain their values and identity.
I like WeddingBee because there are real, quirky, interesting, smart bloggers that I can identify with. eHarmony would be smart to continue to allow the site to function in this way.
I can’t help but think this undermines the basic principles that weddingbee stands for. Even if eHarmony doesn’t take a hard editorial stance, it’s influence and idealogy will loom over these posts and in whatever direction the blog takes hereafter. This is clearly a strategic move on the part of eHarmony and calls into questions how many wonderful bloggers we’ll be missing out on (we already are) because they do not want to blog under the umbrella of EH. I find this move dissapointing and a let down frankly…
@Michelle: I would like to make it clear that 1) I am not sure whether I will continue on as a blogger for this site, and 2) if I do, it is not to ’show off my wedding.’ As I said, this is a complicated decision to stay or go, one that can’t be made lightly, and one I have not made. I think it is important, especially with the upcoming state and national elections, that visibility and information on a wide range of social issues needs to be put out there. There is much more I want to write re: my sexual orientation (*not* preference), marriage equality, racism and the rebuilding of New Orleans, the politics of marriage, and other topics that are important to my wedding planning and to my life. And as you can see from the large amount of comments, there is a large audience here, one that would not be available to me otherwise. While I hold no illusions that I will change eHarmony’s policies, I do have the hope that readers who may not otherwise know about these issues will have a chance to talk about them. To say I am staying out of a desire to show off is an unfair and hurtful characterization.
Congrats on the sale of the WeddingBee! I’m sure a lot of the viewers are worried that Bee “sold” out but I think this is far from the case. She started this site with the passion and i’m sure she’ll continue with the passion that got this site this far.
What I am concerned about is what the previous bloggers stated. Having a company like E-Harmony, running this site now, pushing their views is something I can’t stomach. It’s about time for marriage equality, or at least the basic rights for the LGBT community.
I applaud Mrs. Gingerbread and the others to voice their opinion. I hope others join in. I know people always say they can’t change the government or can’t have their voices heard; but I think this is a great medium to express your views on this topic. Either for or against.
I am happy for the sale but saddened by who the new owners are.
@Yasmine: If you will note, I do not support Project Wedding by advertising with them, which would definitely be a good move for me business-wise (as would advertising here, actually!). I’m not going to do that. My vendors worked their butts off for me, though, and I think they deserve recognition for that. People visit Project Wedding to choose vendors, and I thought I owed it to my vendors to leave them reviews there!
Such disappointing news! I am so sad that I must discontinue reading Weddingbee, but even if you still have bees who support the LGTBQ community, how many of these individuals who are a part of that community will actually be blogging for Weddingbee? I also cannot support a company that is so closely linked to the conservative christian agenda. I wish nothing but the best for you and do hope that you bees can change policy from the inside.
I just want to say that the first thing I did when I saw Mrs. Gingerbreads post with her personal blog was copy it to my google reader. If the bees that would like to no longer blog for WB would post their personal blogs (or maybe I’ll just find them myself), I’d be happy to follow your stories over there. I applied once to be a bee, and I can only imagine how awesome and exciting it must be to be part of this community, but you ladies (and gentleman) have an opportunity to take a very public stance here, and I, for one, would follow you elsewhere and leave the hive…it kind of makes me sad that every single bee doesn’t feel as strongly as mrs. cp and mrs. lb etc. Kinda makes it easy for me to wanna leave the rest behind. This is all very sad….
This makes me so sad. As much as I love Weddingbee, I can’t support a site run by a discriminatory corporation. I won’t be visiting the site anymore.
I wanted to first start out by saying congrats to Mr & Mrs. Bee for the success that is Weddingbee. I can’t tell you how pivotal this site has been to me during the planning process, and how much respect I have for the bees and Mr & Mrs. Bee. Although I am hesitant to believe that by voicing our support for LGBTQ equality, it will actually make a dent in the firm beliefs of EHarmony, I am still going to continue to blog throughout the whole process. I am so thankful to all of the bees who I followed during my preliminary planning stages, and I feel like by blogging it’s the least I can do to show my appreciation for all of their help and creative ideas. If Mrs. Bee wasn’t still in control of editorial, I would be singing a different song, but I trust Mrs. Bee to make the right decisions and encourage more gay-friendly brides and grooms in the future, despite the discriminating policies at EHarmony.
I completely respect those readers and bees who will no longer be associating themselves with Weddingbee. I think it’s very important that we have this honest, open discussion with our readers, who have been the best support system us bees could ever ask for.
For me, not only am I not OK with the way that eHarmony views GLBTQ rights and marriage, I also have an issue with their association with FoF because of abortion rights and their pro-life stance.
I want to share my appreciation and support for the bees who have so thoughtfully shared their feelings and concerns about the Weddingbee transition. It has been an honor to be a part of this incredibly supportive and creative community. I do have faith that Bee will ensure that this site continutes to support diversity not only of sexual orientation but race, religion, ideas, etc. However I hope that in the very near future eHarmony will change their stance on LGBTQ rights. I agree with Mrs. Jasmine that I will probably only feel comfortable staying with Weddingbee if eHarmony is committed to truly moving forward in their thinking on LGBTQ rights.
Stef: Why does it make you sad that “every single bee doesn’t feel as strongly”?
Isn’t this a country built on differing of opinions and choices? Just because one person in a community feels something, not everyone else should have to follow. What a sad world THAT would be.
1st - Congratulations to you Mrs. Bee. You took your creativity to the next level, started your own business and have successfully created a life for yourself and your husband. Not only does that make you and incredibly woman, but I think an inspiration to us all.
2nd - Mrs Gingerbread, we will miss you!
- when I speak to my friends about my addiction (it is an addiction) to weddingbee, the first and ultimate way I describe it, is with, I love the diversity of the site.
-I absolutley feel awakened seeing the marriages and creation of these weddings take place. I understand the religions more and etnicticities more. That has been an amazing experience to me.
Mrs. Cream Puff - I understand if you decide to leave, but will you please do us a favor, please give us a link to your own personal blog, that way we could all follow along with the professional pics. I don’t think I stand alone when I say, that we all know your wedding was beautiful and we would love to see the photographic proof of that! I for one, am willing to go to another domain just to see that beauty! 
I will continue reading. I don’t agree with eHarmoney practices either. But weddingbee comes first to me!
“Please respect the fact that we are standing up for what we believe in and are struggling with a very difficult decision, even if you don’t agree with it.” Goes both ways.
to be honest, i am surprised that so many bee bloggers have said that they will continue to post so that they can provide their support for the LGBT community. these are the same bloggers that devote 6 long posts to their wedding hunt and obsess over handmade invites and personalized favors. while there are some bloggers that have made their posts more socially conscious and not all about the perfect wedding day, more often than not, mots of the bloggers do not write about any real or social issues.
clearly, a whole blog devoted to how to make one day incredibly perfect is going to be a little bit frivolous - and that’s okay. but to disguise it as a greater, social cause is just a sham.
I really feel sympathetic for Mrs. Bee in all of this. I’m sure that she only had the BEST of intentions in all of this. It’s an exciting time for her and the whole “Bee” family but it seems to be coming with some pretty hefty consequences.
I wish you the best Mrs. Bee.
A rock and a hard place indeed.
So bittersweet. Happy for the success, sad that it’s eHarmony. I’ve been reading over 2 years now… I check the site about 5 times a day (addiction anyone?). I am in complete support of the LBGTQ community though, and I completely respect the girls who are leaving for their decision. I will continue to follow their stories through their personal blogs I hope.
Blargh. I can’t even put together eloquent words, I’m just so… torn. I will continue reading Weddingbee until I can fairly judge whether or not the changes (will there be changes? I suppose so. Even the eHarmony copyright at the bottom is making me cringe) are good or not.
Once again, I must interject.
To those who bandying about the word “hypocrite” where Mrs. Cream Puff and Mrs. Sweet Tea are concerned, I think you should understand something.
This announcement, while new to the general readership, is NOT new to the bees. In fact, there has been MUCH prolonged “behind-the-scenes” discussion of the issue for about two weeks now.
And the sad truth is, it quickly became a very divisive issue, with those bees with dissenting voices finding a great deal of pressure to “stay the course”. The very fact that Mrs. Cream Puff and Mrs. Sweet Tea have voiced their concerns as loudly and poignantly as they have does, in my opinion, warrant respect.
Additionally, the statements which are given in the above post underwent a great deal of scrutiny from both Mrs. Bee and eHarmony staff.
In short - please give them a break. You have no idea what their past few weeks have been like.
~~~
ed. note: please see this post to clarify some of the statements made in this comment, as well as Mrs. Lovebug’s follow up comments.
Wow. I didn’t know eHarmony did that. I love WeddingBee, I really do. And Im happy Mrs Bee came up with such a successful company. However, eHarmony doesn’t reflect Wedding Bee at all, and it feels like just another company buying another one out.
In some ways, I’ve lost respect for WeddingBee, which is really REALLY sad :o( I loved this place, and now its just a sell-out, in my eyes, and alot of other engaged girls’ eyes.
Sorry if that seemed harsh… but I hope something good comes out of this. Good luck.
Although I am happy for you Mrs. Bee, I am sad that I will have to leave this site as well as Project Wedding. It is indeed a sad day.
I was not aware of all the issues that would arise with the sale to E-Harmony as I knew nothing about the background of that company. It saddens me that such unfortunate emotions have risen out of what should have been a joyous occasion for Mr. & Mrs. Bee. With that said, weddingbee is what it is because of it’s bloggers and readers. Ultimately everyone is entitled to their choices and I wouldn’t for a second think that Mrs Bee had not taken all things into consideration before making the final decision. Mrs Bee has worked very hard at creating this wonderful community and has stated she will continue to be very much hands on post sale, but every person must decide for themselves what is best. It saddens me that the LGTBQ community may choose to not represent themselves on the site due to E-Harmony’s history, but I believe the decision is personal. Weddingbee may not be the same as we knew it when it was “private”, but I feel opting out of it would not be the best solution, but that is just my view. I will continue to read weddingbee as I have in the past, but will also follow those bees that choose to go their own route. My best wishes to all.
The diversity of all members of the Weddingbee community is the reason I come to this site. I come here to learn from all of you, and love, love, love that each of the Bee’s experience is different. I’ve loved learing about LDS from Miss Avocado and sharing with Miss ST and Mrs. Gingerbread with their struggles and joys. However, I can’t in good conscience continue visiting this site due to this new association with eHarmoney and their discriminatory practices. Sorry, but I won’t be visiting anymore.
Just seeing “Copyright 2004-2008, eHarmony, Inc.” at the bottom of the page makes me want to throw up a little.
If they were courted by others, why did they have to settle on Eharmony?
Lovebug: I’m just calling her a hypocrite because she is using the other site that is clearly owned and operated by this disgusting company. She even posted a review last week. I’m sorry she had a rough time with this decision, but if you’re going to post rants about how bad the company is and help people leave the site then own up and do it yourself.
I’ve been reading everyones thoughts. I sit here with my own thoughts and feelings on this situation and how to comment since the announcement.
I just wanted to say that had it not been for Mrs. Gingerbread posting on weddingbee my eyes wouldn’t have been open to everything the LGBTQ community when it comes to marriage/relationships.
As I don’t have an email address for Mrs. Gingerbread I’m hoping she’ll read my post here and it will give her some (trying to find the right adjective…. peace, satisfaction, comfort…. ) in knowing that you’ve taught me about your lifestyle and have brought things into perspective for me.
When people speak of expansion of diversity, I believe it should include all cultures, races, and sexual orentation. We’re human beings.
I can’t express what I’m trying to say, but I want to tell Mrs. Gingerbread thank you. Thank you for sharing a very intimate and personal time of your life with me (okay.. us) You answered questions I had about things that I didn’t even know I had and have been taught it would be “too rude” to ask. I’m grateful that you were able to do it on Weddingbee.
I would have liked to have sent you an email to tell you this but couldn’t find one for you. I’ll search your new blog.
and now.. I think I’m going to go cry…. 
I respect them for speaking up, of course. That is not what I am taking issue with. They are saying they can not support Weddingbee because of EH’s involvement but will continue to blog, for the time being.
And I only know what I have read today. I am not aware of any behind the scene information.
What a sad morning this has turned into for me. I am so moved by everyone’s comments whether I agree or disagree.
If you are leaving the site and have a personal blog, please post it. I’d love to add all of you to my reader. As for starting a new site, I couldn’t even know where to begin, but I’d definitely welcome an alternative to supporting EH. I’m sorry to say that, but I’m sure that WeddingBee will find all new readers and I truly hope Mrs. Bee is wildly successful as she is an amazing woman!
Sorry, but I can no longer support Weddingbee. There is a LOT more sinister stuff going on w/ eHarmony than just exclusion of LGBTQ people.
eHarmony’s matching is based on the principals of Christian marriage counseling, which highly discourages interracial and interfaith relationships. When eHarmony first started, they would not match people across racial and cultural lines. And although I filled out my profile to say I preferred Asian and Hispanic men who were Atheist, eH only matched me with white, demonstrably Christian guys.
Only recently have they started promoting the “diversity” angle, because they’ve only recently expanded their matching to cross those boundaries- but it’s all just a marketing ploy to make more money and expand their business- which would have been severely more limited had they not done so. Fuck eHarmony, they are nothing more than evangelical bigots disguised as benevolent matchmakers.
Sorry, Weddingbee, I was a loyal fan until now. Big props to those of you Bees who are even considering dropping out- speaks highly to your integrity.
For those readers who are leaving the site, I’m truly sorry to see you go, but I understand and support your decision. You can see my posts under the aegis of my own blog: http://doublyhappytoo.blogspot.com/. I hope you’ll continue to be a part of my wacky journey to the chuppah.
I’d like to piggy back onto what Mrs. Lovebug said. This post was a long time coming and had to be reviewed by eHarmony higher ups several times and was edited in several places. I hope that for Bee’s sake that that amount of labour to get one post up is an anomaly.
I also hope that all of those who say that they are staying on with reservations or to make sure that LGBTQ issues get air time really mean that. Choosing to stay obligates those allies who do so to be doubly committed to their principles. I hope that those who chose to stay on and who have stated that they intend to positively influence eHarmony towards more inclusiveness really mean what they say and are ready for a lot of hard work. Good intentions only get us so far.
~~~
ed. note: please see this post to clarify some of the statements made in this comment.
July 2008Bride - I agree with you 100%. Mrs. Gingerbread was an incredible eye opener for me as well. She helped me understand those things that were maybe just a little too taboo to ask someone outside of the weddingbee community!
Kudos to you Mrs. Gingerbread!
And ps - Goodluck Mrs. Bee. If I lived near you or actually knew you, i would bring you a basket full of carbs and beer. Probably a long day for you:(
I am disappointed in weddingbee for selling to a dating service with christian roots.
1. It does not make sense for a dating service to buy a wedding website. It appears the website is really pushing the idea of marriage on people using the site who are single.
I was upset a few months ago to read someone was granted the privilege of being a “bee” a few months ago who hadn’t received a proposal as of that time, yet had begun wedding planning. It felt a little forced for me, and I truly mean no disrespect to anyone. I know this bee talked it over with her husband to be, but what kind of message does that send to single women who view this site because it has great interesting content and is well written?
2. Weddingbee will lose a lot of it’s non-christian members and heterosexual members. The previous owners of weddingbee knew this, which is the reason for this post. This is sort of selling out, I understand wanting to sell the site for profit, but why to eharmony?
I feel extremely dissapointed and sad. Wedding bee has always been one of my book marks I visit daily, it no longer will be. I will find another wedding blog to enjoy.
Thank you for not doing this until after I got married! This site gave me the confidence to do a lot of DIY projects. Thanks!
I can only imagine the difficult choice that faces many of the bees upon hearing the eHarmony news. I, for one, do not believe that those who leave WB due to this news will invoke change, or have great impact on the overall income of the company. I feel that losing this part of the site’s diversity is a shame, and only creates a forum that seemingly does not support the LGBTQ community…which we know from the many discussion we’ve had here is not true. I do support those bees who will continue to blog here, and openly support LGBTQ issues. I believe that your voices will continue to make this a welcoming and diverse community…and that maybe this will be the beginning of change that many of us hope for.
Also, for those of you swayed by the eHarm representative’s paltry excuse for excluding gays in their matching process, please read the following:
http://culchavox.blogspot.com/2008/08/algorithm-method.html
The bottom line:
“you have to wonder why it took eight years for eHarmony and founder Dr. Neil Clark Warren, a friend of Focus on the Family founder and devoted political conservative Dr. James Dobson, to make the minor pivot to recognition of interracial love.”
AND- eHarm’s matching is based on MATH, it’s based on Algorithms:
“Algorithms don’t make racial distinctions or ignore people on the basis of sexual preference. They’re funny like that. But when you combine algorithms with an agenda, you’ve got trouble, or at least problems. eHarmony’s made one mathematical breakthrough: the discovery that persons inclined to interracial relationships actually exist and thrive in our culture, just like those inclined to single-race relationships.
Maybe the math whizzes at eHarmony will crack another code and discover what we already know: love = equal opportunity employer.”
Don’t take eHarmony’s bullshit lying down, y’all, as it goes against so many of what the Bees here believe. Stop payment on that check, Mrs. Bee. Over and out.
While like others, I’m happy that the Bee family will be getting some help, I also can’t help but think this is selling out. It might be different if it were to a less controversial company. For now, I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt that Weddingbee will not be changed, but if that day ever comes, I may have to stop reading as well. :\
I’m spent a long time going back and forth thinking about how I feel with the recent purchase of Weddingbee. Until now, I have kept my thoughts mostly to myself until I had decided how I feel. While I can’t say that I’ve completely made up my mind, the time has come to speak up or never be heard.
First, I do want to congratulate Bee on her amazing accomplishment. She has worked tirelessly to make Weddingbee what it is today, and her efforts have been rewarded!
I, unfortunately, did not know about eHarmony’s history until after the news of the sale. I cannot say I agree with their stance on LGBTQ issues, and quite honestly, I had never been sure how I felt about Weddingbee to ANY company.
I probably would have never volunteered to write for Weddingbee, as part of a corporation - and especially one with principles in which I do not agree. As a married bee, I only have a few more posts in me, so I will continue to write. I write out of loyalty to Bee, Mr. Bee, and all of you readers, who have allowed me to have an outlet to share my ideas, and have supported me during my planning.
It is sad for me to see bees and readers leave Weddingbee, but I can fully understand your decision to do so.
@Michelle: nope, I don’t agree with your statement. there are some very basic things that people haven’t always agreed about through time that i am incredibly sad, disappointed, and often angry to discover all people don’t agree with. Civil rights. Womens rights. Inter-racial marriage. Same sex marriage. If eH’s site was discriminating against people based on race, I do think that a lot more (and hopefully ALL) bees would be outta here, rather than just a few. And that would not have been the case years and years ago. So yes, I think it’s “sad” that people don’t feel as strongly about same-sex marriage and see the opposition as absurd as those same people would for inter-racial marriage, as an example.
Very well stated, Anon. Wow. See? 8 years for eHarmony and founder Dr. Neil Clark Warren to make “the minor pivot to recognition of interracial love.” How that can sit well with anyone, I don’t understand (and never will, and won’t try to, and won’t apologize for).
Well, thus ends my Weddingbee addiction. I would have liked to keep up with all the Bees, but I guess I’ll be doing that on their personal blogs. The situation makes me really sad, and I wish you guys had made the decision to sell to a different and more socially conscious parent company.
I’d like to reiterate what Mrs. GB said in comment #55 - I do respect the decisions of those Bees who are continuing to blog here in the hopes that they can have some hand at changing eHarmony. Please don’t back down. Sadly, I’m too cynical to really think that eHarmony will change as a result of bloggers/readers actively voicing their dissent, OR bloggers/readers (like me) no longer reading/subscribing to Weddingbee. But I appreciate the idealism and persistence of those trying to make a change by still blogging. I do truly hope that Weddingbee continues to succeed **while still encouraging blogger and reader diversity.**
My support goes out to the bees who have made the difficult decision to leave the hive. To those who are staying because they claim to want to get at eHarmony from the inside, I hope you understand that you’re going to have to do a lot more than you are now. With a few exceptions (Mrs. Gingerbread, Miss Sweet Tea, and Miss Pinot Noir’s environmental posts come to mind), very few bees blog about social issues. Also, should you find that The Powers That Be aren’t as accepting of your new posting style as you thought they would be, I hope you will leave and stop letting eHarmony make money off of your hard work.
Sadly, I won’t be around to see if anyone follows through with what they said in this thread.
Oh, I’m so disappointed by this, especially because it means losing amazing bloggers, but I completely understand any weddingbee blogger’s decision to leave this site. I was looking forward to applying for a spot as a blogger on weddingbee, but I could never bring myself to do that now.
I think it might make sense to do a cohesive follow-up post with links to all of the bees blogs, so readers can stay up-to-date with the wedding plans of their favorite bees, without feeling morally opposed, etc.
Honestly, I can say that when I was first told I would be a blogger here, I was ecstatic. I was also told by Mrs. Bee about the business shift, but I didn’t even think about the impacts. I was just extremely excited to be a bee!
Like I commented previously, congrats to Mrs. Bee and everyone else who have worked so hard to make this site as successful as it is today!
Now that I’m reading about the views of eHarmony (sorry I’m sheltered), I really truly hope this site still holds true to it’s past and present stance to the LGBTQ community, and doesn’t let eHarmony affect it in any way.
I will continue blogging on here, because the main reason I wanted to blog on here is to return the favor to and share my ideas with all the bees and readers who have inspired me in my planning so far.
I agree with Mrs. Toucan. I’m also sad to see bees and readers leave this site.
I agree with Mrs X. What I really love about Weddingbee is the diversity here; there are brides from all different faiths, races, sexualities, income levels, etc. I love to read all the blogs and learn about people who are different from myself. I feel that it really gives me perspective and helps to open my eyes to the wide world. I understand their reasoning and respect those who are leaving, but I think it is really sad that Weddingbee will lose that diversity. As long as Bee can maintain the integrity and openness of Weddingbee (which I think she will), I think it would be beneficial for everyone to stay so that we, the faithful readers, continue to learn about and engage in ideas and practices that may be different from our own. Just think: if everyone on Weddingbee who supports LGBTQ leaves because of the acquisition by eHarmony, what are we left with? Little diveristy and fewer engaging opinions and ideas.
I really admire all the the strong ethical commitment here - especially Mrs. Gingerbread. I originally thought this sale was ok, but reading more about eHarmony, I no longer think it is
I am also going to have to jump on the bandwagon and bid farewell to my weddingbee readership days. I am deeply disturbed that this decision was made. And although I understand that once a bee it would be hard to stop posting, I can’t find any validity in the “posting to make change from within” argument. That’s like saying that you are going to walk in to a store that sells something you are morally against and telling the owner what he/she is doing is wrong, while handing him a big wad of cash. Raising awareness is key, but we need to make our voices heard without financially benefitting that which we are standing up against. We all know how it works with internet advertising - if the talented and eloquent bees keep posting and readers keep reading, eharmony is going to make money through advertising. How are a few posts about suport for marriage equality going to cause them to change? In our capitalist society the only thing that is going to stop companies like eharmony from continuing with their discrimatory policies is if we execute a full on boycott. I am sad to go, as so many others are, but the knowledge of what my “clicks” are doing makes me sick.
The bees give so much of their time and share so much of their lives through blogging. They submitted their work for review and were chosen by Mrs. Bee to blog. It’s my understanding that they are volunteers on an outstanding blog and are essentially contributing stars on an online community. This entity has now been sold to a corporation. My question: Will the bees now be paid?
@Miss Candy Corn:
That would be awesome. I’m sad about the situation, but I’ve got to vote with my feet, so to speak.
I just want to add that I hope this post can be added to each of the contributors “miss” or “mrs.” blogs with the comments in tact. If my content is going to remain on this site, I want this to be reflected as my last post and I would like the discussion that was added by the readers to be included in that as it would be with any other post.
I’d like to thank the readers who have expressed their support, passion and commitment to LGBTQ rights and marriage equality. It means a lot to read your comments. I wish I could thank you all individually but my head is spinning from all of comments on both posts. Thank you again.
I did not know about eHarmony’s history with same-sex or interracial couples until I read this post; thank you for opening my eyes, Hive.
I could see choosing to focus on heterosexual couples as a valid business decision, just as I could see deciding to make a dating sight just for same-sex couples as a valid business decision. But I am wildly uncomfortable with eHarmony’s contributions to Focus on the Family, and with Mr. Holt’s non-answer to the concerns raised by Mrs. Cream Puff, Mrs. Gingerbread, and Miss Sweet Tea. Knowing this, I cannot in good conscience purchase anything from Weddingbee’s advertisers. I don’t want a single dime of my money to end up in Dobson’s coffers.
I have to say at this point that I think I’m glad my application last month to become a Bee was rejected. I’ve been reading Weddingbee ever since I got engaged in January because it’s a fun, laid back place with lots of fun DIY projects and, unlike some other wedding communities, not obsessed with what you “should” and “have” to do in order to have a “perfect” wedding day. When Mrs. Gingerbread joined the Hive, I was super excited as she was the first non-heterosexual Bee I’d seen. As a queer bride-to-be in a heterosexual relationship, I was ecstatic to see her inclusion (and the later additions of other marriage-equality-conscious brides!).
But now I feel that rejection (as much as I hated it at the time!) was a blessing in disguise, because it makes my decision to no longer read Weddingbee much easier. If I were actively blogging for the site I can understand why it would be harder to leave - by volunteering to become a Bee you are making a commitment to Mrs. Bee, the other contributors, and the readers. Now, however, becoming a Bee means making a commitment to help out eHarmony - a company that obviously doesn’t have the greatest standing among a lot of the audience here (and I’m so glad so many of us are talking about the various issues we have with them!).
I definitely second Miss Candy Corn’s post #70 - a list of the bee’s blogs would definitely be helpful so we can follow along with our favorite Bees without helping eHarmony’s bottom line.
Bee,
If I’m saddened by the number of people choosing to leave the site, I can’t even imagine what a hard day it has been for you. I personally choose to remain a loyal reader, and am interested to see what is going to happen in the future. I’m giving eH a chance to prove their words in letting WB operates the way it has always been. I hope they will stay true to their promise. *hugs*
I was undecided about continuing to read Weddingbee until I saw Mrs. Gingerbread’s comment:
“This post was a long time coming and had to be reviewed by eHarmony higher ups several times and was edited in several places. I hope that for Bee’s sake that that amount of labour to get one post up is an anomaly.”
Apparently Bee does not retain the rights to the editorial content as much as she and others would like to think.
That has made my decision to discontinue reading Weddingbee that much easier. Congratulations on selling out and not supporting the GLBT individuals, including ones who are contributors to your own site, or should I say eHarmony’s site.
I have been a fan of Weddingbee for a while now and I am just amazed at how many people are so supportive of equality and the LGBTQ community. It’s very re-assuring. As a gay male, gay wedding planner, and recently married to my husband of 16 years in CA. Thank you for giving us hope that the there are more people out there in support of our love and commitment and for standing up against those who think civil rights is reserved for only certain people. Love is love.
One thing that really gets me about this whole same-sex marriage debate is that people often tell me and my husband that we have domestic partnership which gives us the same rights and privileges that marriage does…well it really doesn’t (DP gives us 2nd class citizen rights). So when they tell me that, I ask them, how about if we revoke your marriage and only give you the opportunity to apply for domestic partnership rights, would that be enough for you and are you willing to accept that as enough in your committed relationship? We often get a silent stare.
At any rate, I am a fan of Mrs. Bee and Wedding Bee, but with this new collaboration with eHarmony, I have to say that I can no longer promote Wedding Bee on my blog or visit this site, as I can’t support a parent company that discriminates.
-Percy
Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Bee!! I wish you financial success, a change in pace for you both (hopefully). I will continue to support Weddingbee. I have friends who are gay, and they read weddingbee! They are here for the content, and so am I. I believe what Wright2be said. No one should leave that has a differing opinon!
STAY with weddingbee!!
While I have been addicted to Weddingbee since before my engagement, I can’t in good conscience continue to read and participate in the community that Mrs. Bee helped create. I was really looking forward to applying to be a Bee, but I am not interested in supporting a corporation whose values so oppose mine.
I have long been disgusted by the thinly-veiled bigotry that eHarmony calls “business practices.” While I understand the need to seek a corporate parter for the site, the choice of eHarmony means that I will no longer be a wanna-Bee.
ok, late to the party, but worth a comment no less–
initially, i was (and still am!) so happy for Mrs. Bee! she has worked so hard on this site and it’s a really amazing resource for all brides out there. with that said, i was still very supportive of this move even after Mrs. Bee told me that the eHarmony connection was problematic to some Bees, because of the “no same sex matching” policy.
i am a great supporter of LGBT rights and didn’t really see the major harm of not including that market (same way that men4men websites weren’t exactly courting me and JDate doesn’t really reach out to the Christian population). if the discussions above accurately reflect eHarmony’s views that seemingly go beyond omitting LGBT matching and actually are anti-LGBT, well, ok– that’s more than a bit problematic.
BUT i see another response here. it makes sense to me that with eHarmony comes a broader audience. here’s an opportunity to show people (maybe those who subscribe to an–in my opinion–anti-gay-and-thus-narrow-minded viewpoint) that weddings and love are beautiful things no matter who’s doing the marrying. is this a Pollyanna viewpoint? possibly. but i think that you can be anti-anything until that “anything” is humanized and given a face. really.
and, yeah, there will always be people who actually hate just to hate. but i think the majority of people who are anti-LGBT are simply ignorant. it’s something they haven’t been exposed to and, thus, they articulate their fear of the unfamiliar in a negative way. it’s hard to flesh this out enough in a comment, but suffice it to say, if i had anything interesting to say about my now almost-two-years-old marriage, i would be blogging about it here.
xoxo,
Mrs. Daisy
I’d like to re-state again that I do not believe we (the bloggers and readers of Weddingbee) will change eHarmony’s policies ‘from within’. I have no illusions of some corporate overhaul here, will continue to blog to reach out to the readers who stay with the site. I *do* hope, and ask, however, that those bees that choose to stay and have stated their support of LGBTQ rights will follow up with their word in future posts. It would be a great service, and show of ally-ship, if a bee that did not self-identify as queer would also step up and blog about marriage equality in the future so that it does not just fall on us LGBTQ bloggers to represent these issues. I don’t subscribe to the idea that one must be of a particular racial, ethnic, sexual, class or gender identity in order to advocate for social justice issues and think this is precisely the time for allies to give support to the LGBTQ community.
@may1008: What you said is exactly right. It’s the same reason that Fox allows The Simpsons writers to put whatever commentary they want into the script, including negative stuff about Fox. It doesn’t matter to the parent corporation what people say on your shows, or on your blog, or whatever the case may be. What matters is that people are watching and reading and thus increasing advertising revenue. Change from within is a nice idea, but I don’t see how that’s going to happen. With a corporation like this, money talks, and that’s the bottom line.
For those of you who’d like to follow my personal blog, you can find me at thebrokeassbride.com I respect your decision and hope you’ll respect mine.
Let me be clear when I say that staying on here isn’t about “showing off my wedding”. If I continue to stay on, its because I’ve always been a “fight the power” type, and my instinct says that a boycott will make less of an impact than supporting gay rights publicly ever will.
Everyone’s reaction to this kind of thing is a personal choice - there is no right or wrong, and we should all be respectful of everyone’s personal decisions.
I’d like to chime in here, though I haven’t spoke up until now. I, too, have felt conflicted about WB’s acquisition by eHarmony. I identify as bisexual and polyamorous, and Mr. CP and I are an active part of Seattle’s kink (leather, queer, poly) community. I wonder how eHarmony would feel about THAT?
I am fully in support of LGBTQ equality, and we even made it a point to incorporate our stance into our wedding ceremony.
Long story short, I do not want to support eHarmony’s discriminative policies. But I don’t really want to leave until I’ve had my say. So you can expect me to stick around and finish sharing my thoughts on the acquisition, as well as the details of my wedding… or you can join me on http://www.speyerwedding.com where I will publish most of the same posts.
I respect every Bee’s individual decision to stay in solidarity or leave to demonstrate their principles.
I also support Bee’s decision to sell the site. Everyone has a right to make their own choices, even if they are not choices we can all agree with. I congratulate her on her success and her newfound financial freedom. That is something we all hope for, and she deserves all the happiness that comes her way.
That said, I cannot support eHarmony’s stance on same-sex relationships (I believe it’s more than a decision about “target markets” and making money) and I am not optimistic about their ability to keep weddingbee discrimination-free. I’ve been aware of the purchase for some time (though it was made on my honeymoon), but I feel like I still need more time to think about it.
Correction: the second sentence should read “I have no illusions of some corporate overhaul here, and would continue to blog only to reach out to the *readers* who stay with the site”
I will still read/recommend Weddingbee. This site was a much needed resource that provided enormous support for me emotionally when I was planning our dream wedding. The stresses of wedding planning is a bit tough to deal with as a bride-to-be, and Weddingbee was the only place that had a true feeling of comfort for me.
I do not mean to offend anyone with my following thoughts: There are several LGBT only dating sites, so I’m not really sure why e-harmony should have to change their business model to include LGBT. We live in a free market where companies can choose to focus their research in any direction they see fit. As unfair as that sounds there are differences in the chemistry make-up between man-woman relationships that would differ greatly from a woman-woman or man-man relationship. Men and women are different. I do not see this as discrimination. I am pro gay marriage, and I am against the so-called conversion therapy… It is unfortunate that the founder of eharmony has what ever views he has, but its a big wide world and different people that you interact with directly or indirectly everyday probably to some extent have different views than you… It’s inevitable, that is the price we pay to live in a free society.
I’m not trying to attack anyones personal opinion, and I respect anyones choice to leave. Weddingbee is a great diverse site, and it will be sad to see those hurt by this change leave for good.
Congratulations Mrs. Bee, I’m still a Weddingbee fan!
I’m sitting her reading all these comments and opinions trying to understand my own… 1) Congrats to Mrs & Mr Bee! What an accomplishment
2) I know this decision was not taken lightly and I respect that.
3) I too would like to stick around and see what happens, while I am torn w/ the idea of what my readership will support, I am also torn w/ the idea of NOT supporting Bee and the other brides (Bees and Non).
4) Thank you Mrs Gingerbread for your contribution to WeddingBee. Thank you Miss Sweet Tea and Mrs Cream Puff for using your voice.
and lastly Thank you eHarmony for letting them do so and I PRAY that your openness in this regard doesn’t change. Hopefully you WILL see the fault in your previous actions and find a way to set right your past wrongs and not purely for capitalistic reasons.
I personnally will no longer be reading this site, I will not recommend this site to anyone. I will specifically tell people not to support it.
I will also ensure that any person I ever encounter does NOT visit eharmony.
This is nothing short of a disgusting move on the part of wedding bee.
I strongly agree with Cream Puff, Gingerbread, and Sweet Tea on these issues. I plan to stop reading Weddingbee and only read their blogs.
Thanks to the three of you for sticking to your guns!!!
I agree 100% with the Hot Cocoa perspective (as also stated by many other commenters.) I am extremely troubled by eHarmony’s history and current business practices, but I hope that by demonstrating the wonderful diversity of weddingbee brides we can create a small crack of light that might help change their attitudes.
I know that Bee feels very strongly about LGBTQ issues herself and would not in good conscience have gone through with the sale if she was not totally confident in eHarmony’s promise to allow her to keep complete editorial control and promote LGBTQ weddings on weddingbee. While I completely respect the desires of Gingerbread and others (readers included) to prevent any of their clicks creating ad revenue for eHarmony, I hope that eHarmony’s acceptance of weddingbee’s values on the wb site is indicative of a migration in their overall mindset, and hope that their policies will (quickly!!) catch up. I am concerned that if too many bees who feel passionately about LGBTQ marriage leave the site that we might end up doing weddingbee a disservice - by only promoting the types of unions that eHarmony currently endorses, thus perpetuating the cycle of exclusion.
For those of you who would like to follow my wedding planning separately, you can visit my blog at monkeywed.blogspot.com.
Such a shame. I will also discontinue my readership. As much as I enjoy this site, I cannot and will not support any organization that engages in discrimination. This is an issue that is very dear to my heart. I could not, in clear conscience, continue to follow the stories here while putting money in eH’s pocket.
I convinced my FI to stop drinking Coors beer when I discovered their racist history. I hate to see Weddingbee fall into similar hands.
I understand and respect the decisions of Bees and readers who are leaving the site. I just want to amplify on why I think what is being referenced (some might say caricatured) as the “change from within” model is compelling to me. Sorry to be all Foucauldian, but my position with respect to power is that it’s dispersed, as likely to work bottom up as top down. This is not some political theory fluff; as a lawyer and a teacher/scholar of discrimination law and gender studies, I have seen this model in action.
I will not cede power to EHarmony to define what a Weddingbee or a wedding should be, and I genuinely fear that if all of us who support the queer community go, that’s precisely what will happen. The moment EHarmony starts to censor our blogs is the moment I will go. But so long as Bee is committed to providing an open forum, I will continue to use this open (and well-attended) forum to express my support of the queer community and to challenge the heteronormativity of the wedding industrial complex.
I feel torn as well whether or not to continue reading as I’d like to express my full support for the LGBTQ community and marriage equality. I may be frequenting the site less if anything (I still love Weddingbee but can’t help but be disappointed with eH and its business models, beliefs, and practices).
Props to the bees who are speaking out and expressing their beliefs on the issue, especially Mrs. Gingerbread. Thank you for sharing your wedding planning experience and wedding day with us. Your efforts and dedication will not be forgotten, and I hope we will see in the near future that it has not all been in vain.
What a sad day. I have been visiting Weddingbee daily for over two years now. I’ve learned so much from the bees. Thank you all for sharing your experiences with the hive.
Like some of the other readers, eharmony’s history is news to me. And, like so many readers, I find it deplorable.
In true addict fashion, I’m not sure I’m strong enough to quit cold turkey… but I’ll start weaning myself off this site today. I look forward to visiting the bees on their personal blogs. Thank you for posting the links!
Best wishes to everyone for wonderful weddings and happy marriages!
Thank you Gingerbread for providing your reasoning in a logical manner. We will miss you.
I still don’t understand why Sweet Tea or Cream Puff posted this. This threat to leave seems vapid with the only reason to stay for the fame. If you believe this so strongly and have no reason to support eharmony, then go.
I have been a long time reader of this site. I visit daily, and will miss it.
Gingerbread was one of my favorites. Thank you so much for your contributions to this site. It was the first time I ever got an inside look into such a wedding… Mrs. Gingerbread and Mrs. GB2.0… you guys are beautiful.
I just want to add my comments of support for Bee, Mr. Bee, and the Weddingbee community. Although I’m almost finished blogging about my wedding experience, I would choose to stay on even if I wasn’t. I don’t see any hypocrisy in my being a supporter of marriage equality yet continuing to blog on this site. Weddingbee has always been a place full of diversity, and I have learned so much from my fellow bees. Maybe it is an optimistic viewpoint, but I think that having the “eHarmony” trademark on such a site that has always supported diversity on all fronts only stands for a step in the right direction for them.
I am sad to see bloggers and readers alike choose to leave this site… but I will be here until the day weddingbee itself changes. And I truly believe that Bee won’t let that happen.
I will also ensure that every advertiser supporting this site, knows that they have lost a customer and many future customers becuase wedding bee sold out to a racist anti equality organization.
just one thought: It seems like posting each of these commentaries as individual author’s posts would only be fair. My guess is the decision to put them all in one post was to help keep the hive moving along as usual, but for some bees & readers this is clearly an issue that can/will change business as usual…
@Miss Sweet Tea: Weddingbee has published posts about gay marriage issues as far back as June of 2006. The posts were written by non-queer contributors.
hey ms. bee and remaining bees, i’m excited for the future of this site and i definitely intend to keep tuning in!
I am so sad about this. Mrs Bee, I would like to thank you for all the love, inspiration and a few friends I gained from this site. I have been an avid reader for the last 18 months. I am pleased for you personally and you deserve all the kudos in the world for making this community what it is. Thank you.
That said, with my wedding in just 9 days, this decision has made my departure as a reader that much easier.
Mrs GB, CP and Miss ST- you gals rock.
Mrs. Bee-Thank you so much for a site I have greatly enjoyed and that has been beyond helpful to me. But I cannot and will not support eHarmony and their stance. The stuff about “research” is nonsense-it is a front for the fact that Neil Clark Warren still holds with the teachings of Focus on the Family. I will miss all the bees, but I cannot support this site any longer.
As a fellow small business owner who has promoted my business with paid ads on weddingbee many times over the past couple of years, I completely support Bee in her decision to sell the business. I’m sure that this is something that she put countless hours into negotiating and ensuring that eHarmony was the best fit for her both financially, and in keeping the intergrity of the site and the blog posts.
While I respect everyone’s opinion, and I most certainly do not support the practices and beliefs of eHarmony, I do believe in Bee and her statement that eHarmony has agreed not to change any of the sites content to reflect their beliefs. I will give her and eHarmony the benefit of the doubt and will continue to read and possibly advertise on weddingbee should the site not take a turn for the worse.
Best of luck to you Bee!
I find it really disturbing to learn that the Bees’ response posts had to be approved by eHarmony and that dissenting Bees were encouraged not to speak up.
I’ve been reading the debate on and off since Mrs. Bee posted the news, and waffling about what I as a reader would do. Learning that the bloggers were required to edit their posts is extremely off-putting. So much for “editorial control,” huh?
This makes me even prouder of the Bees who did stand up and say something. This whole thing is so disheartening.
I was so excited when Mrs. Gingerbread joined the hive. I’m going to continue to read, for now. However, I will be offsetting my Weddingbee reading with contributions to LGBTQ organizations. I think the Weddingbee blogging format is still the best way to get information and inspiration and I really don’t want to have to go back to the knot.
Agreed with Sara - I was semi-ok with this until reading Mrs. Bee’s statement thanking EHarmony for allowing the dissenting views to be posted. That in and of itself negates any claims of editorial freedom.
I will probably continue to read, for now, only because I love the community and the resources, but I will seek other outlets over time.
I am also sad to hear so many bloggers and readers are leaving weddingbee. It is up to each person whether to keep supporting weddingbee or not. Eharmony has already been given so much power by people leaving. I do not blog here to financially support anyone. I blog here because of the support of the community. Once all of these wonderful bees and readers leave, I will loose part of that support system.
Mrs. Gingerbread and Sweet Tea, I understand your leaving or considering leaving. I am just pretty bummed. You two have really pissed off some closed-minded readers and it is wonderful. The 100+ comment posts you have written started a wonderful discussion that may have even changed a few minds about marriage. Your voices need to be heard.
The thing that makes weddingbee different are all the bloggers and readers who support the LGBTQ community. If everyone who supports marriage equality leaves the hive we will only be left with eHarmony’s bigoted voice.
Weddingbee is a place where every bride or groom can stand up for what they believe in. As long as that does not change, I will stick by Mrs. Bee’s side. She has built this site with true passion and I know she would not just give that passion to someone she couldn’t trust.
I hope that more and more LGBTQ brides and grooms will continue to apply and write for weddingbee. The hive needs you so it does not become what so many are predicting it will.
first, i must say congratulations to mrs bee. i can only imagine the work that has gone into building such an amazing sight. this is a great accomplishment.
second- ok, i will be a minority here. i still don’t agree with same-sex marriage, and i never will. i AM a christian, and i personally find it heartening that at least somewhere in society is not accepting what i believe to be blatant sin. there, i said it, hate me forever but it is something that i feel very, very strongly about. and that does not mean i hate any LGBTQ people, i just simply cannot fathom that kind of relationship. i can even go for a civil partnership; i understand the issues that come about from not being able to share custody of children or health insurance benefits or tax returns. i also understand that God made all of us, however, there is still a basis of relationships (marriage) and love that is set in the bible that i cannot morally sway from.
third- it is obvious by the number of comments that this is a highly controversial comment. i have two comments on the business perspective of eharmony. (a) they are obviously interested in fostering long-term relationships that end in marriage. however, for the most part only opposite sex couples can marry. (b) there is a rather large group of people who believe like me, and i don’t know that statistics but i can only imagine that eharmony would be losing many customers if they supported LGBTQ at this time.
fourth, and last- i have noticed some comments on the supposed ‘frivolity’ of posts about invites and wedding shoes. that is part of the joy of wedding bee to me!! that i can switch from the news and cnn.com and politcal and social commentary and enjoy one of my life-long loves, wedding planning, in a pure form.
i am sorry to have offended anyone. i feel that even if i am in the minority it is important to present another view.
*high controversial issue.
What’s amusing about people/activists that play the ideological “discrimination card” is that they themselves discriminate: “That corporation has Christian values! Oooooh!”
Ad nauseum…
2nd Miss Candy Corn’s comment #70
Yes, please do share all of the Bees’ own blog addresses for those of us who helped build the community (as readers)! It seems only fair that at this point we can choose whether or not a corporation owns our small share of the community–
I am certain that weddingbee will continue to gain more readers & bloggers even after these individual addresses are published!
@kaymarie: I do agree with you and anon about the “Christian values” part of the problem. For a lot of us, it’s not the “Christian” part that’s bothersome, because we don’t have anything against Christians or the Christian religion, but the financial and other involvement that eHarmony has had with policy-pushing organizations such as Focus on the Family. I do think it’s hypocritical to say “ooh they’re CHRISTIAN, bad!” when we’re accusing them of doing the same to the GLBT community.
However, that doesn’t mean that we have to agree with their policies or their beliefs — those of us who are readers and especially bloggers are writing under their “umbrella” now. And if their corporate message clashes with our personal beliefs and lifestyles, it makes sense for us to issue our dissent and to adjust our writing/viewership accordingly, don’t you think?
@karianne, comment #92
I have a hard time accepting all your expressions of support at face value when you’re endorsing what is effectively a ’separate but equal’ doctrine straight out of Jim Crow.
No, I am not attempting to draw apples-to-apples comparison here between the struggles around race and sexuality in the US - issues are far more complex than that - but I think there are commonalities that can’t be ignored.
i find it very interesting that the only bee actually departing* is the one represented by the L in LGBTQ and that the ones wavering or staying on are the Bs and the Qs who happen to have found opposite sex life partners. i wonder if this is because they are not truly directly affected by eharmony’s practices and can’t help but wonder if they would have made the same decision if they had happened to find a same sex life partner. just something i find a little curious, that’s all.
i’ve been a faithful reader for a long time, but i think this announcement will finally break me of my habit. sad.
*sorry, other than lovebug, but she had already said she wouldn’t be posting anymore a long time ago.
Sadly, this will be my last click on weddingbee. And boy, will I miss this site.
I started reading when Mrs. Gingerbread came on board, because I thought: “Finally, this site is really representing and promoting diversity and inclusion.”
With the sale to Eharmony, a company that does not have this same ethos of diversity and inclusion at its core, I will not support this site.
I will also be telling everyone who I know who is in wedding planning mode to avoid this site, because by visiting, they are giving money to Eharmony.
I don’t believe that one can change such a large and powerful company with discriminatory practices by supporting it — even if there are blog posts in opposition to its central policies and practices.
Surely, Weddingbee could have sold to another company that matched what I thought was its stance on marriage equality?
You said, “Eharmony has already been given so much power by people leaving.” Can you explain this? How does the exit of bloggers and readers give Eharmony the power?
You know - I was just thinking that if I’d known this was going to happen, I’d have rather paid $10/mo to subscribe (or maybe more - it’s a serious addiction for me ;)) rather than have it sold to eH.
Can we buy it back? Please??? (Okay, I know the answer to that, but it was worth it to say it)
@ Mrs. Pineapple - I understand that *you* do not blog to make money for someone, but the fact of the matter is that your participation will MAKE money for people who are openly practicing discrimination. Without the bees there would be no weddingbee, and obviously there is money to be made or Mrs. Bee would not have received the offer(s) that she spoke of. I do hope that she is getting paid well for this venture (she really deserves it and should be commended for what she has built), but I also wish she could have found another buyer who did not support such offensive policies.
As for the comments from those who feel that it is OK for eharmony not to make same sex matches, would you be OK if they refused to make inter-racial matches? Because really, it is the same thing. And not that long ago there were laws throughout this country that prohibited that (the one is Mass prevented gay marriage from those outside of the state now for years because it was still on the books, in a roundabout way). I believe strongly that someday we’ll look back on this time and say “wasn’t that ridiculous…” but in the meantime we HAVE to start showing people what we believe (there are lots of here, and that is heartening). And again, it all comes done to $$. I don’t think that eharmony is “winning” by sending us away, but they will win if there is not another venue like this that can fully accept, and be supported, and support marriage equality.
Interracial matches and same sex matches are not the same thing.
I am with Barack Obama: “I’m a Christian. And so, although I try not to have my religious beliefs dominate or determine my political views on this issue, I do believe that tradition, and my religious beliefs say that marriage is something sanctified between a man and a woman.”
@may1008: “Without the bees there would be no weddingbee” and that is sad.
I think everyone has made it clear that discrimination is not ok so I do not need to restate that. But, what I find almost as sad is the loss of an independent site to a major corporation. I understand why it had to be done but…it is still disheartening. WB will never be the same.
@L: Not your words I know (and I am an Obama supporter) but it always bothers me to hear it asserted that marriage is “sanctified” (i.e. holy) when over 50% of marriages (heterosexual! including Christian!) end in divorce. Not a heartening stat and something that doesn’t need to be discussed here, but it came to mind after reading your comment.
@L: Theoretically they may not be the same but in practice and law, they are/were treated similarly. And what is done in practice is what actually affects people and their lives.
I never imagined that day would come that this would happen. I think that what made Weddingbee such an appealing site is the feeling of genuine community that most other wedding websites lack. When you take the genuine community aspect of it away and replace it with a dominating corporation at the top, the entire feeling of the space changes. It doesn’t feel natural anymore, especially knowing about the the intolerant policies on which the company stands for. What is a reader to do? On the one hand, I wish to support Mrs. Bee and what’s left of the community that’s still sticking around, but on the other hand something has irrevocably changed because of this new transaction. A sad day indeed…
*hugs* to Mrs. Bee, Mr. Bee and BIL Bee. I love Weddingbee. I will continue to read Weddingbee and I am looking forward to the continued diversity and support that this site has given to all brides and grooms throughout the years. I will miss the posts of those who choose to leave.
Hang in there.
I probably wouldn’t have known that eharmony was so discriminating towards gays and lesbians without reading this post… And i can’t say that i agree w/ their views and current business plan. Thus, this will be the last post i read on weddingbee.. I’m truly happy for Mrs. Bee and her new success but I’m sad to hear that mrs. bee took this offer from this co at the same time. I feel so torn… Although she is a supporter for marriage equality, being bought by eharmony just says otherwise. I know you can’t please everybody mrs. bee, but i don’t think this decision is only shoo-ing away same-sex brides/grooms to be, but their supporters as well…
kudo to Hugs. no matter what i’ll support bee and weddingbee.
@Mrs. Cherry Pie: and on that note, what percentage of marriage ceremonies in this country are categorized as civil (as opposed to religious) from the get-go making them a solely state ’sanctioned’ institution?
Will somebody please elaborate this?
Mrs. Bee said, “This has been the first true test of our editorial integrity, and I’m glad to report that editorial control of the site is still firmly in our hands.”
But, Mrs. Lovebug and Mrs. Gingerbread seem to disagree.
Lovebug “the statements which are given in the above post underwent a great deal of scrutiny from both Mrs. Bee and eHarmony staff”
Mrs. Gingerbread “This post was a long time coming and had to be reviewed by eHarmony higher ups several times and was edited in several places.”
Has this post and will future posts be edited by eHarmony?
I want Weddingbee to continue to be a site with a great deal of diversity and LGBTQ support. I would hate for all of that content and support to leave. But, I don’t think LGBTQ support is possible if eHarmony has any say in how the site is edited.
I’ve read all of the 240+ comments to this and the previous post and have had time to mull this over for the last couple of hours. I am one of those who was oblivious to eHarmony’s practices prior to today and have to say that being a supporter of marriage equality, I’m not happy about WB being sold to them. That being said, I will remain a loyal reader of WB unless I see a change for the worse in WB’s blogging climate.
Weddingbee (and Bee specifically) has been a great advocate for diversity on this site and through her focus, I’ve been exposed to many cultures, viewpoints, and issues that normally wouldn’t hit my radar (face it, it’s always more fun to read about issues from peers than from CNN articles). I believe the key to social change starts with awareness, so while boycotting the site will have an impact this week (sadly, this will inevitably blow over in a few weeks), blogging about social issues and being exposed to a diversity over the course of the coming months and years will have a greater impact in the long run. I respect those bees who choose to no longer blog on WB, but I also respect those who choose to stay and try to make a difference….not to “change eHarmony from within” per se, but to stay and reach a larger audience with issues. Yes, eHarmony will make money from our visits but believe me they’ll make money regardless. If they had not purchased WB, then they would have purchased another site or built their own and made money off of that one.
IF I was a bee, I think the easier choice would be for me to stop blogging. The fight for marriage equality is like a war, to stop blogging may bring a thrill of victory today but I’d be shortsighted not to use WB’s large audience and even larger audience in the future to speak my mind. Like previously mentioned, this heated exchange will blow over in a few weeks (or less) and then it’ll be back to business as normal. At which time, eHarmony will still receive a nice revenue stream from WB…..only now without the socially-conscious and diverse posts that will make a difference.
If you really want to make a difference, take your passion about this topic and go vote NO on Proposition 8 on November 4th.
@L: I am not an Obama advocate usually, but I am surprised by how succinctly he reflected my own belief system with his statement.
@kaymarie: You are brave for standing up for your beliefs. It’s a sensitive topic because most see your (well, our) viewpoint as being limited, backwards, and reminiscent of the period when people were opposing civil rights. I’m glad you weren’t attacked for your statement, all views deserve to be heard in this discussion.
@Mrs. Cherry Pie: I believe that for Christians, the issue is about how we all use our free agency. We believe that marriage is between a man and a woman, but the actions that those men and women take to sustain their marriages are up to them.
@shanna: i, for one, am very interested in the answer to your question.
@weareanonymous #122
For the love of all things pure, please don’t bring up Jim Crow in association with this topic. When people try to draw correlations between what’s being discussed here and racism, it is very offensive to a lot of black people and incredibly ill-informed. When you go there, you are treading in an entirely different realm. Please tread softly…or not at all.
“The thing that makes weddingbee different are all the bloggers and readers who support the LGBTQ community. If everyone who supports marriage equality leaves the hive we will only be left with eHarmony’s bigoted voice.”
And who would want to read and support a website rooted in bigotry? Ideally, no one. And who would be spending time clicking on ads on that website? Ideally, no one. And so who would be making money off those clicks?
Not eHarmony.
It’s a conclusion based on “ideally”, sure; but a lot of great movements are based on ideals.
I am happy that all of Bee’s hard work (and that of Mr. Bee and BIL Bee) has paid off, and that Bee will be able to continue to exercise complete editorial control over the site. However, like Mrs. Gingerbread, Mrs. Cream Puff, and Miss Sweet Tea, I am not comfortable supporting a company that practices and promotes discrimination. I admire Bee’s desire to enact change from within, and allow a LGBTQ presence on Weddingbee, but unfortunately that is not enough for me. Best wishes to all.
Whoooo, I am very conflicted like a lot of other readers who have commented on these two posts. I started reading Weddingbee more than 2 years ago, before I got engaged, and have benefited immensely from the ideas, support enthusiasm, creativity and instruction that the site provided. When I first started reading, I felt that it was lacking a little in diversity but over time, with the addition of many different types of brides (and a groom!) having many different types of weddings, I was heartened and totally hooked.
That said, I feel indebted to Bee and all of the many blogger bees on the site - their hard work and openness has allowed this to become a happy addiction, one that remained fully intact after I got married several months ago. Thank you to all of the contributors (and other readers) for that.
As far as the sale of the site to a corporate entity being a ’sell-out’ move, I don’t think I can comment very knowledgeably, knowing little about the running of small businesses and everything involved. I am concerned though, with the fact that Weddingbee is now ultimately being overseen by someone *other than Bee and the bees.* As others have commented, it is disheartening to hear that EHarmony was such a big part of this post, ‘allowing’ Bee to publish it, and editing Mrs. GB’s (and perhaps the others’) words. I can’t help but think that this sort of corporate oversight will affect and change the Weddingbee that I’ve come to know and love (where bees and readers spoke openly and freely about whatever they wanted to!)
On the other (larger?) issue of EHarmony’s anti-LGBTQ stance and actions, I think that I have come to the conclusion that I also cannot support this site any longer given this affiliation. In our lives, we cannot always act upon our convictions, but this is one case where we clearly can. I have too many friends, relatives and colleagues who face discrimination every day simply because they are not heterosexual. That to me is deplorable, and any company supporting that discrimination should not receive my business. With all due respect to Miss Pineapple and others who have expressed similar thoughts, I disagree with the logic behind the statement that “If everyone who supports marriage equality leaves the hive we will only be left with eHarmony’s bigoted voice.” To go so far as to call a company’s practices/beliefs bigoted, but to continue to voluntarily contribute and benefit from being under their umbrella is incomprehensible to me. Honestly, I say this with a TON of love and respect, but Bee made the decision to sell to this particular company, and if the end result is a censored, narrowminded and one-note community, then that’s a lesson learned and a consequence that she must face. (This is extreme, and for Bee and the bees’ sake, I neither want nor believe it will happen, but I guess that’s just how I feel.) Again, I have no idea what went on behind the scenes, but I wonder if there were other companies that didn’t come with philosophies that contradict so much of what Weddingbee has stood for.
So, sadly, I think I am finally kicking this habit, and giving my support to other entities that are not backed by a corporation whose philosophy I disagree with. I will continue to read these two posts only, but when traffic here dies so will my visits to this site. I really do not mean any disrespect to any of the bees who have spoken out (on either side) so far, and I hope my comments are not taken as a personal attack on anyone. I truly wish everyone their own successes in life, love and work.
**It pains me to click “Leave a Comment”, but here goes…**
@Miss Avocado: In your response to Mrs. CP you state that Christians believe that marriage is between a man and a woman. I would like to say that this is not the view of all Christians. I, for one, belong to an open and affirming church that welcomes LGBTQ individuals and does not believe marriage is solely meant to be between a man and a woman.
I won’t be sticking around. Disappointing.
Please don’t spew more bs that you are going to stick with the Bee to change eharmony from the inside out. That is insulting.
You sold out for money - that is fine, I understand the world of business, but don’t pretend the sale is for other reasons.
Next time you’re affected by sexism, ageism, or any other ism that does not benefit you, think of it as Karma.
@Shanna - 146. Bravo! I myself am atheist, but my Christian friends are inclusive and welcoming of all the forms that love and marriage come in. I am glad that you are too!
@may1008: First off: word to what you said. Second: “As for the comments from those who feel that it is OK for eharmony not to make same sex matches, would you be OK if they refused to make inter-racial matches.”
STOP. LOOK. LISTEN.
eHarmony has been operational since 2000. Only THIS YEAR- 2008- did eHarmony start matching people across racial barriers. Their previous policy was that interracial relationships are wrong and should not be promoted or condoned.
THINK ABOUT IT. They used to refuse inter-race matches BECAUSE they are hateful bigots!!!!!! Hateful bigotry is their POLICY. How anyone can support this company or any of it’s enterprises is beyond me.
To Mrs. Creampuff and the other mixed-race Bees: Please stand up for yourselves and your love and leave. eHarmony doesn’t care about you. Mixed couples are just a payday to them, yet NO AMOUNT of money or business will cause them to open their arms to homosexual couples. Because hate is their policy.
@Stop. Look. Listen: A few hours ago, I sent Mrs. Bee my resignation and posted my good-bye post. It hasn’t been posted yet, but please know that I am definitely not going to be posting here anymore.
I feel very strongly about the connection between racism and homophobia. It would have been illegal for Mr. Cream Puff to marry just 60 short years ago, and the reasoning behind the ban of interracial marriage is almost exactly the same as the reasoning behind banning gay marriage.
As a Jewish person and a person in a mixed-race relationship, I don’t understand how people cannot see the connection between the discrimination of the past and the current discrimination against gays.
When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I wasn’t a Jew.When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.
This is serious stuff. There is no difference.
@nykola:
Jim Crow laws were not only discriminatory toward black people, but other non-whites as well. And there are many non-white groups out there who *do* see parallels between their struggles for civil equality and the right of same sex couples to marry.
I feel like I’m missing something here.
I read Mrs. Bee’s original announcement about being bought out by eHarmony and thought, I don’t know what this means. Is someting going to change? Is WeddingBee not going to be the fabulously informative site I love to visit 10x a day?
And then I come back on the site just now to find it business as usual, post after post of wedding details. Ohhh a sigh of relief.
As of right now, WeddingBee seems the same to me. I come here to join in the camaraderie of brides-to-be, to get ideas, and to share thoughts and opinions. I’m going to continue to do that, regardless of who the site is now “owned” by. I think Mrs. Bee has created something fantastic here, and am so impressed with all the diversity and creativity of the Hive. And until the face of WeddingBee changes, or Mrs. Bee isn’t in charge anymore, or you all stop sharing your incredible ideas -I’m going to keep visiting.
Because I’m here for all things wedding. Not to share my political, religious, or social views, and not to hear yours.
After reading for almost 2.5 years, I’m out too. I do love all the DIY stuff and all of that (and have noted the links to some of the bees personal blogs), but I just can’t condone hate-based policy with my readership.
Oh, and by the way, I’m Christian, and I believe that marriage=love.
I am going to go ahead and choose not to get into what I do and do not believe, and simply say that I am sad to see some of my favorite bees so torn and upset about the situation.
Mrs. Gingerbread, I have been a reader for quite some time (in secret of course before I was engaged, I didn’t want my now fiance to know how wedding obsessed I have always been!) regardless, I will be very sad to see you go. I wish you nothing but the best, and and very impressed by your willingness to stand by what you believe no matter what the sacrifice, in this case something you obviously love doing. Good luck in all you do!
@Kirsten, Ditto.
@kaymarie - 116. I think you are confusing marriage (the civil, legal part) with matrimony (the religious aspect). You say youhave no trouble extending full civil rights to same sex couples, but being able to legally marry the partner of one’s choice *is* a civil right. I say leave the religious aspect to churches, mosques, temples, etc., and leave the legal aspects to the government, which, in this country, is supposed to be independent of religion.
@Miss Avocado: I remember reading a comment last week on Miss Sweet Tea’s post about Queer Wedding Wednesdays that said something like “Is there any way that we can block out certain bees?” and it seemed like a ridiculous request at the time. But then I read your comment, and thought the same thing. I wonder if that commenter would think I’m as narrow-minded as I thought he or she was right now. Hmmm.
On a totally different note: I’ve never really taken the time to research the political views of every coporation that I contribute money to (whether with a credit card at a mall or with the click of my mouse), maybe some of us have learned that it might be a good idea to take the time to do that now.
@Kirsten: “Because I’m here for all things wedding. Not to share my political, religious, or social views, and not to hear yours.
Um. If marriage rights and marriage equality isn’t part of “all things wedding,” then what is? You’re here for the shoes, table numbers, and dresses? That’s great, and I’m sure a lot of people are too, but come on, don’t trivialize this issue as non-wedding related.
i’m not sure that a post will be allowed with all of our blog links, so just in case, my wedding blog is:
http://mscandycorn.livejournal.com/
@Mrs. Lovebug: “ideally” weddingbee will not change and will continue to support LGBTQ brides and grooms. “ideally” eHarmony will begin to support same-sex matches. “ideally” weddingbee will become even bigger, more badass, and make an even stonger statement about the importance of marriage equality.
Until I see otherwise I am going to keep supporting weddingbee because a lot of great movements are based on ideals.
@Mrs. Pineapple: But Weddingbee HAS changed today, massively and fundamentally and irrevocably.
I respectfully acknowledge your viewpoint, however, and wish you and the remaining bees success in your campaign.
I am not reading and typing fast enough!
@ Mrs. Cream Puff, I would like to say the same to you as I said to Mrs. Gingerbread. You are inspiring, and that poem was right on. If we don’ stand up for ourselves, who will. Wishing you nothing but love and happiness
@STOP.LOOK.LISTEN - Totally agree with most of what you wrote, but just want to clarify that they have and do match cross-racially. I actually met my fiance there and we are an inter-racial couple. We met there in 2004.
The only reason I bring this up is that eHarmony’s LGBTQ policies are hateful all on their own, and sometimes apologetics are weakened when inaccurate information is included.
eHarmony really needs to get with it. With the growing social pressure against LGBTQ bigotry, we can hope that they will see the light soon and that prejudice cannot be tolerated, whether it directly affects you or not.
I’ve had more time to think about this a little. While probably not anywhere near the main intention behind the sale of the site, selling Weddingbee to EHarmony might be taken as implicit support for what EHarmony stands for. EHarmony can now say, ‘we only encourage and support opposite-sex marriages on our main (huge, multi-million dollar) site, but look, we have this little sister site where LGBQT people can actually have their say (after we’ve read through it and edited it down)!’
I’m all for hope in ideals, but in my humble opinion, staying on when you disagree with EHarmony’s ‘bigoted’ practices in the hopes that they will change is possibly bordering on naive and counter-productive. Why would EHarmony make any changes to support same-sex marriages if they still get support and revenue from dissenters? I would think they would be less likely now than before.
Just wanted to be clear, I am not trying to call *anyone* names (like naive), I’m just disagreeing with some of the reasoning I’m reading about.
Goodbye weddingbee. I can’t read anymore knowing that each click of my mouse supports a company that discriminates against the family that created me (my mother is a lesbian, my Godmother is a lesbian, heck- the pastor that married me is a lesbian).
I understand that the choice for the bloggers is difficult as they have the ability to still spread the message of love. But the choice for readers is simple = STOP READING.
(btw- to all of you “Christians” out there who do not support tolerance and love, you are mere posers. Christ taught about love for all and acceptance of God’s creatures. I have been a Christian my entire life and at times I wonder how bigots can honestly include themselves in the term.)
@mtyf: It is my understanding that no edits were made that the authors of the posts did not agree to. (with my blessing my posts are edited all the time because I spell like a goober, the actual content and point of view are NEVER edited)
I’ve been reading WeddingBee for a while now, and I have to say that I’m disappointed in this decision. I’ve never been a fan of eharmony, for one because of their discriminatory policies but also because it gives a terrible name to the psychological research of relationships. As a psychologist, I know that there does exist research on same-sex relationships and what makes them successful (peer-reviewed, no less; see: John Gottman) and it annoys me to see so many people buy this terrible excuse by NCW to discriminate against same-sex couples.
@Miss Avocado: @Miss Avocado: Respectfully, I must add my voice to Shanna’s and say that your statements of the viewpoints of christians on marriage equality don’t represent all of us.
I’m a Christian (Episcopalian), and, in the gospel tradition of love and acceptance of all people, along with a belief that the gospel message of redemptive love supercedes many of the old testament laws, I fully support marriage equality.
I’m happy to attend a church every Sunday where members of the LBQT community worship alongside traditional families and anyone else who wants to be there.
Avocado, I really enjoy your writing, and if I decide to stop reading weddingbee over this, I’ll miss your posts!
@npantsy #152 wrote
“Jim Crow laws were not only discriminatory toward black people, but other non-whites as well.”
That’s all and well, but historically the people most affected by the laws AND the environment that necessitated said laws was directly related to black people. The society that bred such an environment was caused by a historical foundation of slavery, mistreatment of people with darker skin, and doctrines of racial superiority. I’m sorry but what you are talking about is not the same thing and making comparisons with race/racism and sexual preference is not appreciated by many who come from a lineage of people who struggled deeply in regards to the former. But I digress. I don’t want to steer the discussion here in that direction and in fact, I called out the previous poster so as to ensure it didn’t go that route…unfortunately, I was unsuccessful Boo on me.
You go on believing the two are entirely related though..that’s your right. I just happen to think it’s wrong.
@ Mrs. Pineapple, thanks for the clarification regarding your experiences. My interpretation of the comments above regarding the editing of this post in particular, e.g. Mrs. GB’s: “This post was a long time coming and had to be reviewed by eHarmony higher ups several times and was edited in several places” is that it was not just edited for spelling/grammar (which I agree, is totally necessary!) but to make sure it was ‘ok’ with EHarmony.
I am *hopeful* that the content and POV will not be edited or censored in the future, but I guess the skeptic in me is wary of the effects of commercialization and putting WB ultimately in the hands of someone else (though I’m sure Bee will do everything she can to remain in control).
With my wedding in a week, I was half-looking for reasons to stop reading wedding blogs. Thank you, WB, you’ve given me a good one.
@Bees: Your time and talent are precious commodities. They have value. Would you donate money to an organization whose values conflicted with yours? Probably not. My time is often more valuable than my money — is it the same with you? If you wouldn’t give money to an organization that you disagreed with, why on earth would you give time and talent?
Off to change my homepage tabs ….
In addition:
Diane Passno, the current Senior Vice President for Ministry Values at Focus on the Family (who has served with FoF for about 25 years), has interesting views on feminism:
“Feminism discounts every bit of value the Lord has placed on living in relation to Him. It’s a movement that negates the pattern of marriage and the importance of children and men. It says that women can determine their own futures; they’re stronger, they’re smarter, they’re better than men. They should be able to kill their children; two women should be able to have a family, without male involvement. Everything that is ignoble is sanctioned.”
- September 2000 edition of Focus on the Family magazine.
I’ve been reading Weddingbee daily for three months now (ever since the beginning of my engagement) and I’m very saddened to say that I will no longer be visiting this site. As a woman who believes that I can determine my own future, I refuse to support the practices of eHarmony that discriminate against the LGBTQ community and I also refuse to support in any way, directly or indirectly, the teachings and political efforts of Focus on the Family that discriminate against women and non-Christians in addition to those in the LGBTQ community. As much as I would like to believe that eHarmony does not agree with statements like Passno’s, their history of association with Focus on the Family leads me to conclude that they are, at the very least, tolerant of them.
Additionally, an article in the May 18, 2005 edition of USA Today on eHarmony founder Neil Clark Warren, revealed that he first identified himself with FoF:
“Warren started out marketing primarily to Christian sites, touting eHarmony as “based on the Christian principles of Focus on the Family author Dr. Neil Clark Warren.”"
And then attempted to distance himself when he decided to expand into a more “secular” market:
“As part of that effort, Warren is trying to distance himself from Focus on the Family and its founder James Dobson, a longtime friend…”We’re trying to reach the whole world — people of all spiritual orientations, all political philosophies, all racial backgrounds,” Warren says. “And if indeed, we have Focus on the Family on the top of our books, it is a killer. Because people do recognize them as occupying a very precise political position in this society and a very precise spiritual position.”"
Note that this distance is expressed as being necessary from a purely profit-motivated perspective. Any rejections of FoF’s political or “spiritual” stances are not mentioned.
When asked about same-sex matching, he responded:
“It “calls for some very careful thinking. Very careful research.” He adds that same-sex marriage is illegal in most states. “We don’t really want to participate in something that’s illegal.”"
The entire article is worth reading: http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2005-05-18-eharmony_x.htm.
I apologize for the length of this (and also if anything has been repeated from previous posts–I’ve read most of the comments, but not all), but I think it’s important for people to understand the connections here.
I’ll miss the site (but will continue reading at the individual Bees’ blogsites) and I wish the Bee family the best of luck.
@mtyf: totally understand why you thought there was content/point of view editing happening from some of the above comments, that is why I tossed in my two cents. The bees involved in this round of editing know better than I do what was changed, but I know for sure the edits were discussed with the authors before they were psoted. I am also weary, so I am going to strap myself in cautiously and see what happens
I’ve read this blog for years, since I was in high school. I’m a sophomore in college now, and though I have no plans of getting married at any point in the near future, I do want to become a wedding planner and so religiously read weddingbee.
The fact that Weddingbee, which was such a homey feeling, close community who all respect one another, has been sold in itself disappoints me a little. Yes, they say that Bee has creative control, but who knows what little changes they’ll keep adding, who knows how our beloved website will change? The fact that a few of my favorite bloggers have decided not to blog anymore, or are undecided about it, is absolutely disappointing, and I hate to think about all the wonderful potential bloggers who will never apply now because of eharmony’s stance on same sex marriages. It’s just disappointing that Weddingbee has sold out, especially to someone with such different ideals than their bloggers and readers.
(Ah, I see how clicking “reply” gives the @ sign, rather than my manually putting it in before!)
Yeah, I guess I would implore you and the rest of the bees who are staying to keep this conversation alive as you continue with WB… be mindful of being able to express yourselves and of any pressure or suggestion to do otherwise. Take opportunities to discuss GLBQT issues and opinions as much as possible. As you said, caution is warranted… but I’m sure no one is going back in blindly after all this!
@Shanna and @Catherine
Perhaps the distinction MissAvocado should have made in her generalization is that the Christians she is referring to are the ones who read the Bible and believe the Bible. 100% of it. Not just certain parts. Clearly that is not the type of Christian you are. And that’s okay. It’s just important to make that distinction.
@Shanna: if your church would read the bible and do as His word tells us, you would understand that gay marriage is wrong. read genesis. open up to corinthians 5 and 6. i have a “life application” bible that gives me notes to help me understand things, that may help. there is nothing “o.k.” to me about a church that supports gay marriage. there is nothing christian about supporting gay marriage. there is everything amazing about a church that welcomes everyone with open arms however– the whole “love the sinner, hate the sin” concept comes into play.
EDIT also @catherine:
I’ve been following this site since my engagement in 2006. I’ve seen so many wonderful changes and enjoyed reading about all of the bees…heck, my homepage is even set to weddingbee. This, however, will be changing. I can’t support a company (which you will all be doing by reading weddingbee) that does not truly support lgbtq people.
I think it would be great to get the links to those bloggers that share my views, and I can follow your weddings that way.
Mrs Bee, I thank you for all of your hard work and for starting this blog…I really love it, and have made a few “real life” friends through it. I am wondering why you decided to sell to eharmony instead of another company.
I find you claiming to speak for all Christians offensive. I know many Christians that don’t believe marriage is between a man and a woman. And I’m a lesbian. And I am so sick of people thinking that the two are mutually exclusive.
@kaymarie: @Zeena:
@kaymarie: My preferred bible is the Oxford Annotated, fwiw.
You’re right that I don’t follow each and every rule stated in the bible, and I wouldn’t be comfortable going to a church that did–after all, the Old Testament is full of law: dietary rules, animal sacrifice, and more. And I like sitting by my husband in church, so I wouldn’t be able to follow the Old Testament rule that says we should sit in separate areas of the church. Do you follow all of these? If not, how are they different from the scriptures you read to back up your feeling that marriage is only for men and women?
To me the law that Jesus taught (LOVE) is most important–love wins. But that’s just me, and I’m glad we live in a country where there’s a place for all of us. I wouldn’t dare say that you are un-Christian just because I disagree with you.
To each her own, and respect to all, really.
I am very, very sad that eHarmony and other organizations do not support marriage equality. It was only a few decades ago that interracial marriage was illegal, and now we look on that as backwards. I hope that eHarmony will reach out to the LBGTQ community and offer equal services to all those who are looking for love and commitment.
I’m going to attend my first same-sex couple wedding this weekend, and I could not be more proud of my home state of California for legalizing same-sex marriage.
Mrs. Gingerbread, you’ve been my favorite bee, and I wish you and your wife all of the best.
Bee, Weddingbee has been an amazing resource. Congratulations on building a great business. But I wish you’d sold it to a company with less baggage.
While I respect Bee for making this move (I’m sure that it has a lot of benefits for you maintaining this blog in the midst of such a competitive industry and hey, business is business), I also think that this is a huge step backwards for the growth of Weddingbee in terms of promoting diversity. What I always loved about this site was reading about the different traditions and ideas that can truly make a wedding and a marriage special and unique… be it inspired by different cultures combining, sexual orientation, etc. To hear that it is now run by a company who sees things otherwise is a huge slap in the face to what this community is all about.
It’s a shame. I’ve been looking forward to sending in my application to become a Bee for my Halloween ‘09 wedding, and now I’m going to have to keep my blog where it is originally. Like what many people have already said on this thread… while I love Weddingbee, I simply cannot support a corporation with such discriminatory ideals. As part of an interracial couple, as well as proud supporters of the LGBTQ community, both Alex and I feel that we would be cheating ourselves by being a part of this website in any way.
Bee, best of luck to you. What you’ve created here was truly special and I’m really sorry that it should come to this.
I will NEVER return to Weddingbee ever again. As a straight bride, I had a decision from a gay marriage lawsuit read at my wedding to represent the backwards, stone-age-thinking of anyone (ahem - powers that be at EHarmony) who would take a stance AGAINST the love of any two people. This is a decision clearly motivated by money over morals, and, quite frankly, that’s repugnant. This site could have been sold for a quick (millions?) of dollars to anyone, yet you chose to go with a website that is such a bigoted piece of trash.
And, just for the record, EHarmony doesn’t just hate lesbians/gays/transgenders: they hate atheists, too. My atheist husband signed up one, for fun, and, despite listing his religious beliefs as “Atheist” he was matched with nothing but Christians. Soul-saving, perhaps? What about Muslims? Jews?
Screw EHarmony. I’ll never visit this site again, and I encourage all Weddingbee advertisers (who I used to visit regularly) to drop their ads based on this money-hungry, morally ignorant sale.
~Laura
WOW! I can’t wrap my head around this! I was trying to follow along at work, but the posts were coming fast and furious.
I had no idea about eHarmony’s stance until the announcement of the sale… and coincidentally, I was a member of Project Wedding after a referral to the site. I was there for a short time until they let all of their readers know about the “purchase” ahead of time and gave them the option to delete their membership. I did that immediately not even knowing that eHarmony was the purchaser.
The e-mail that was sent was too shady. Same with the post that was written by Mrs. Bee… and the fact that it was scrutinized by the top brass for so long… I’m just left speechless.
I really don’t have anymore to add, just that, I truly enjoyed following my favourite Bee’s throughout their wedding planning! Shout outs go to Mrs. Cherry Pie, Mrs. Lovebug, Mrs. Cream Puff, Mrs. Hydrangea, Mrs. Gingerbread and the soon to be Mrs. Pomegranate. I will now follow your personal blogs, because I can no loner support Wedding Bee.
Can you please delete my email from your database?
Thanks
edit to add… I wanted Mrs. Bee/eHarmony to delete my e-mail addy.
@Kirsten #153
It’s not necessarily that the “blogging” that we have all come to know and love will change now that eharmony owns the site. It’s (and this is the point that I think many bees and readers are trying to make) that going forward, every time you visit this site, click on an ad, patronize a vendor that was recommended on this site, you are, in effect generating revenue $$$ for a company that does not believe in relationship and or marriage equality for all.
@McG: I would like mine deleted too, and would like guidance on how to delete my posts in the forums.
Vocal minority…that’s all I’ll say. The people who comment on a blog usually represent less than 1-2% of the actual site visitors. Which is to say while it seems everyone around here is upset, I suspect there is a large majority of site visitors who could care less and just want to visit a site that will help them plan their wedding.
Everyone here talks a tough game, and some people seem sincere and will stick to their guns. The others (the ones who waivered and found their lemming brand of courage after reading a few comments while just wanting to feel good about themselves for having “fought for injustice”), well I guarantee half of them will be back again, lurking, benefiting from the creativity of the brides here but not commenting out of need to save face after so publicly denouncing this site and its owner.
*yawn*
You’ll be back…..
Wow, reading all of these comments was a pretty powerful experience. I’ve been mulling this issue over in my mind all day. I’m embarrassed to admit that I didn’t know eHarmony’s stance on LGBT families until this controversy began and therefore didn’t think much of the sale. Now that I understand the issues at play, I don’t feel like I can continue to participate in the site.
This was a hard decision for me. I’ve only recently joined the ranks as a blogger, but I’ve been a reader for a long time and I love Weddingbee. My experience has always been wonderful and I was positively ecstatic when I joined the bee bloggers as Miss FF. It truly breaks my heart to be leaving a site I’ve admired for so long, especially since I only just got here.
I do wish Mrs. Bee luck and I admire her courage under fire. Although I am disappointed with the changes in the site, I believe that the Weddingbee community still has wonderful things to offer. I just can’t be a part of it anymore.
I will be continuing my wedding planning on my personal blog: http://budgetdisneywedding.blogspot.com. It has truly been an honor.
I have read all of the posts and all of the comments on the sale and feel that although many opinions have been voiced that I must do the same.
I do not support any form of discrimination or exclusion based upon race, gender, creed, sexual orientation, religion, etc. And it pains me that such a wonderful community-oriented site was sold to a company with such limited, backwards thinking.
It also pains me that I’ve seen multiple mentions of being “allowed” to post or “editing” a post. That is not what WB is about and that, along with eHarmony’s stance on LGBTQ couples, is enough to make me sick.
Although I do not necessarily agree with their choice, I support each bee’s decision to stay or go, as I feel that ultimately, they have thought things through and have come to the decision that is best for them; however, my decision will be to follow each bee via their personal blog instead of here on WB, as I cannot in good conscience support eHarmony.
While I wish Mrs. Bee and the bee bloggers all the best, I simply cannot support in any way the stance of eHarmony or its affiliation with (shudder) Focus on the Family. I’m therefore voting with my feet. I’ve enjoyed the site for almost two years; it’s really too bad.
I’m especially disappointed that I was not given the opportunity BEFORE the eHarmony copyright appeared on the bottom of Weddingbee pages to opt out of having my personal information sold to eHarmony.
That means that someone made money on selling my email address against my will to an organization that works against my interests.
That’s shameful.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with a site rooted in Christian values to cater to heterosexual singles. I wouldn’t expect a same-sex matchmaking site to allow straight folks to use their services. I can understand why some Weddingbee members may not be happy with this, but it certainly won’t keep me from enjoying this site. Peace.
I know I’m a little late to the party here this evening, but I am honestly so torn. I have long awaited to apply to be a bee myself. I agree with many of the comments alluding to the notion that for all of us supporters of gay marriage, bees and readers alike, to leave the hive is to allow eHarmony a win of sorts. However, I am also adamantly opposed to aiding in the generation of revenue for this corporation. I am an avid and occasionally rabid (I admit it! lol) supporter of LGBTQ rights and I just can’t wrap my head around this sufficiently to be at peace with this at this point in time. I’m on the fence on whether to stay or leave, but I feel inclined to say I will likely be here reading, commenting, and fighting to make sure the voices of our diverse community are still heard and represented. I just don’t think I can hand them a win that easily.
With all of this said, congratulations to Bee on your success. I, too, am a bit saddened by the selection of the specific parent company, but I commend your hard work and dedication.
To the Bees who will be leaving, you will be missed. For me it has always been refreshing to find the issues discussed in such a frank, open and honest manner, and I do believe many eyes have been opened through your contributions to Weddingbee. I respect and commend your decision to leave. However, I do hope future LGBTQ brides/grooms will continue to contribute moving forward in an effort to continue to keep the issues at the forefront and to educate and open minds. With that said, those bloggers will know of the affiliation from the beginning and will be able to determine their interest in participating accordingly.
So…. I guess this puts the Queer Wedding Wednesday to rest…? Any input on that?
Really though. Congrats Bee and the bee family. I feel awful about what these comments must be making you feel.
I’m sad too.
Congratulations to Mrs. Bee. You should be proud of yourself for helping to create such a successful website. All the other Bees should be proud, too! This place is chock full of creativity, awesomeness, diversity, and it’s absolutely wonderful. I concur that I hope this sale doesn’t change any of that.
I respect the choices of the bloggers and readers who are going to stop participating because of eHarmony’s stance on same-sex couples. However, I did take issue with a few (only a few) comments from some readers to the effect that eHarmony and people who do not agree with same-sex marriage, like Miss Avocado, are hateful and bigoted and even un-Christian.
To call someone a hateful bigot is terrible unless it is true. I did not read any hateful comments on this thread from the few posters who opposed same-sex marriage. My understanding of many people who hold that position, is that that is simply not what marriage is, in their definition. Yes, it’s often based on the Bible’s definition of marriage, which involves a man leaving his family and cleaving to his wife. (That passage was, I believe, quoted above–Corinthians perhaps?) To hold to that definition, and even to trust a valid interpretation of Scripture that sexual relations with someone of the same sex are sinful, does not equate to bigotry and hatred. I am a Christian, and frankly I’ve struggled with my own personal acceptance of gay people (and queer and whatever orientation) and what appears to be Biblical condemnation of homosexual relations. In my readings of the Bible, I don’t recall ever seeing Jesus Christ condemn homosexuality the way other parts of the Bible do, and that is part of how I reconcile my personal feelings about the morality of same-sex relationships with what many believe the Bible teaches. That, and I’m really not a very conservative Christian.
But those who take the Bible more literally than I do are not necessarily bigoted and hateful! Several posters on here have brought up the tenet of “hate the sin, love the sinner.” I have heard that from people, evangelical Christians, I know, like and respect. They are not bigots. They are not hateful. They just have a personal opinion about some behavior, that many others associate with their innate identity. I get where the anger comes from, but I believe that it is misplaced. I get that LGBTQ people feel that those who hold a different opinion are attacking and hating who they are, and yes there are people out there like that, but no one on this thread has done that and there are many, many many conservative, evangelical Christians who believe homosexuality is a sin, who are also incredibly good, loving, kind and honest people. They have compassion for “sinners” (in their view) and love the sinner, even when they hate the sin. They do not believe that homosexuality is an innate trait, like race, but rather a behavior that one can choose not to engage in.
To those who believe these people are hateful bigots, please try to also have compassion and respect that even though you disagree with them, in an important way, admittedly, they are usually very good people and have only the best of intentions.
I’ve been a weddingbee reader for some time and I would like to start off by saying, congratulations to Mrs. Bee & Mr. Bee. I’ve been reading wedding for over a year now and, hoped that one day when my boyfriend eventually proposed to me that I could be a writer for wedding Bee. Although I am very happy for Mrs. Bee, I cannot continue to read this website.
I know many same sex couples that are fighting for the right to get married and have the same rights, as a man and women who are married. Although I never knew about all that Eharmony stood for [I never used online dating], when I heard I was completely appalled. As much as I love weddingbee, I cannot support something that does not allow same sex marriages.
Although I know all of the potential that weddingbee does have and that it will continue to prosper in the future, I feel like it is becoming too commercial for my likings. When I read that Mrs. Gingerbread, as well as Mrs. Cream Puff, were leaving it really saddened me because I loved reading their posts (along with the other Bees!). I feel however, that I will not be returing to read weddingbee anymore.
To Mrs. Bee and the whole Bee clan, Congratulations on the deal. I know deep down that you did this in the best interest of weddingbee. I have complete faith in Mrs. Bee that she did whatever she felt was right for weddingbee, and that’s all I could ever ask for.
I’m out! No thank you. Really sad.
this is really sad news. i have been a faithful daily reader for more than a year, and much of wedding bee’s appeal is that it is a close-knit, warm community–not a corporate website. so not only is it changing in this respect, it is a complete turn-off to know it is being sold to a company with these discriminatory views. i will truly miss my daily wedding bee fix, but it’s these everyday choices that shape who we are and what the world becomes. i cannot financially support a company who’s morals and viewpoints go against what i believe through tacit consent. the response from eharmony was even more offensive to me and it made my decision all the more easy. i commend the bees and readers who are standing up to what they believe.
@catherine: one of the fundamental beliefs of christians is that jesus christ was the lamb that surrendered us from the rituals and laws that were presented to the jewish in the old testament. thus those restrictions that you speak of are not asked of all christians. those practices were put in place for the jewish (god’s chosen people) to pay for their own sins. however, they could not. these rituals lost their meaning and thus, became empty. in order to pay the price for all sins that we humans commit, god sent his chosen son, the messiah, jesus christ to be sacrificed on the cross. this is a (THE) basic idea of christianity and thus, quoting old testament demands as a reason for not believing everything that is stated in the bible is quite invalid. i fully agree with you supporting jesus christ’s policy of LOVE!! like i’ve said above, love the sinner, hate the sin.
i truly am not trying to turn this into a religious discussion however, i truly feel a responsibility to mention these points. i have a small little fledgling blog http://upturnedbarbie.blogspot.com/. i encourage you to seek me there as i do not wish to add to the discussion here anymore. also if you would like any further questions asked i would like to direct you to two pastors that i feel can help ANYONE (straight or gay or christian or not) with questions:
(1) http://www.newspring.cc/contact &
(2) pastortom@gileadtaylor.com
i am glad mrs. bee was able to sell this company to see a return on such an investment. i plan to continue to read and enjoy wedding bee. thank you for your time. i do not, however, wish to monopolize even a portion of the comments here on wedding bee.
wow, when I congratulated Mrs. Bee earlier I guess I didn’t realize the full effects of the sale to eHarmony. I have read Mrs. Bee’s postings since her xanga days! And I am very glad Mrs. Bee finally gets some pay-off for all her hardwork, dedication, creativity and passion. She is a true pioneer in the wedding industry. I am sorry that the sale did happen to a company with a history and background like eHarmony.
I am still conflicted on whether to stay or go. I support Mrs. Bee and I believe she is doing what she feels is best after much consideration. On the other hand, I do not want to be “perceived” as supporting eHarmony, because I don’t. I echo a pp’s frustrations in that I really wish Weddingbee was sold to Martha Stewart Living or Harpo.
i am really really saddened by this news. i read weddingbee nearly every single day, and i will have to be leaving now that my visits would be earning a hateful company money. i’m sorry you were faced with this tough decision, mrs. bee.
Mrs. Bee, I hope this means you can actually take a vacation and get some sleep at night! Congrats!
I know that this is an issue that can cause an instant up in arms mentality. I just want to toss out a few thoughts.
Mrs Bee didn’t do this lightly or on a whim, and she’s not a moron. Anyone else want to give her a little credit and see how things go, instead of acting like she just tossed yall under Hilter’s bus?!
Cheesy as it is, every journey begins with a small step. Most public businesses who are now acknowledged as LGBTQ friendly, tested the waters by reaching out through smaller venues or communities first. Anyone else want to have a little hope that maybe this is eHarmony’s first step?
Also, to all the nay sayers about changing from within not being possible, I have 2 words for you GRASS ROOTS. If you dont know what Im talking about look it up, you might be surprised to find out which now POWERHOUSE agencies started out with a few people in a living room.
And finally, STOP SAYING CHRISTIANS ARE ANTI LGBTQ!!! Its a horridly blanketing and insulting statement. Some Christians are anti-LGBTQ, but then so are some aethiests, muslims, and jews! Being Christian and being anti LGBTQ are NOT one in the same.
I for one am hanging around to see how things go. I fully understand those leaving, but this little optimist bride is holding out hope!
@MissSnapdragon: I can only speak for myself, but I don’t think anyone has said that those who do not support gay marriage are un-Christian. I was merely clarifying that Miss Avocado, Zeena, and others can not speak for all Christians, as they tried to do with broad-sweeping generalizations.
I am deeply saddened by this news, not for the success that my favorite wedding blog has been blessed with this AMAZING opportunity but because I will have to stop reading and participating with this new ownership.
I am afraid that I have to side with Mrs. GB and cannot support a company that cannot support all people on this earth. My LGBTQ family means more to me than anything in the world and I cannot stand behind any part of an allegiance that will discriminate against them.
Thank you Bees for being a wonderful inspiration over the last few months as I have prepared for my wedding. I will remember the site fondly and I wish you nothing but the best in the future.
I agree with @catherine:
I’m not interested in getting into an argument with you. You will never change my opinion/beliefs on this one and I’m pretty sure I won’t change yours. Kaymarie, I will never “understand that gay marriage is wrong”. It’s all about the love.
since everything has been said, i just wanted to also state that i’ll no longer return as a reader and will with much sadness remove this site from my favorites.
congrats to mrs bee—she has worked hard and this just shows the success of weddingbee.
i’ve been reading this post for the better part of the day, checking it several times.
As a person who believes that the Bible is the word of God and Jesus died for our sins AND as a person who believes in equality, this has been an eye-opener. I have and am still struggling with what to believe. I just wanted to thanks those who commented, and for Bee to making a place where such community which allows such can discuss important issues.
@chrissie:
Fair enough, Chrissie. I absolutely agree that not all Christians believe homosexuality is a sin–I myself am one of them! I was reacting to what seemed like some anti-Christian sentiment, but it was important to me to defend the basic decency of people who were being called bigots. Yes, I disagree with them about this issue. But I think I understand them and where they are coming from and it absolutely is not about bigotry or hatred.
I found the comment I was mainly referring to. I didn’t keep reading, so it may only have been the one:
taytayalis says:
…
(btw- to all of you “Christians” out there who do not support tolerance and love, you are mere posers. Christ taught about love for all and acceptance of God’s creatures. I have been a Christian my entire life and at times I wonder how bigots can honestly include themselves in the term.)
Also, here’s what Jesus Christ Himself has to say about marriage: (this was read at my wedding, btw.) From Matthew 19:4-19:6:
“Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
19:5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?
19:6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
One could validly argue from this that in Jesus’s estimation, only a union of male and female is a marriage. One could also argue that his description here is non-exclusive, and leaves open room for other types of unions. And yes, Jesus preached love for all–for the weakest among us, for sinners, for those who have hurt us, and not to judge, for we are all sinners. I think it’s perfectly consistent with Christ’s teachings to believe that homosexuals are sinners, just as we all are, and deserving of love and redemption, just as we all are. I also think it’s consistent with His teachings to believe that a union between a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, or between people whom God didn’t make to fit so neatly into gender categories, can just as valuable and holy and sanctified as one between a man and a woman. That’s what I believe, I think. But it’s not un-Christian or hateful to believe the former.
Like so many others, I am so happy that Bee, Mr Bee and the other support staff can take a load off.
Like so many others, I am so deeply disappointed that they chose to go with a company with such close-minded practices.
Like so many others, I’ll be leaving WeddingBee.
How very dissappointing! I’ve been an avid Weddingbee reader for over a year but I definitely won’t be back. Thank you to the Bees who have made the same decision, and best of luck to the Weddingbee community.
This saddens me. I congratulate Mrs. Bee on the amazing success of her website, but I, like so many others, cannot further contribute to any monetary success of Weddingbee. Not that my religious affiliation should matter, but I myself am Catholic; However, beyond that, I believe in love that doesn’t know gender boundaries. I am currently planning my own wedding and love the resources that this site has provided me, but I can’t, in good conscience, allow myself to let such a closed-minded organization benefit from me.
Thank you and goodbye, Weddingbee.
@weareanonymous: comment #122 - This is off topic, but I find it quite offensive that weareanonymous would misinterpret my comment (#92) as racist - and furthermore I really do not see anywhere in my words that I am “endorsing” anything. All that I stated were my opinions of how the world works, and it’s pretty disrespectful and snarky to wrongfully throw race into the mix… You don’t know anything about my herritage or race for that matter - this is a comment on a blog. I merely expressed my opinion.
I do not support or “endorse” if you will e-harmony. I found it interesting that 9 out of 10 comments were of people leaving weddingbee for good. My purpose for my comment was to show Mrs. Bee that some of us trust her judgement, and will continue reading on.
What a shame, to be leaving what was a daily read for 5 or 6 months because of such a disturbing decision. I didn’t know about eHarmony’s ignorant, stupid views before now…..but I do know that anyone who is associated with Focus on the Family is up to no good.
I appreciate that everyone has different beliefs, but it’s sad that such a wonderful site is now owned by such a narrow-minded corporation. I understand the need to get some financial support, but it saddens me that this is how it was done.
Farewell, weddingbee. Good luck to you in what might be a rocky road ahead.
wow…200+ posts later…
all i have to say is that there are no small acts of discrimination. IT ALL MATTERS. its never just a joke, just a comment, just a policy, or just a business issue. its prejudice, its discrimination.
eharmony is a business, and money talks. so i guess i wont be back to weddingbee for a while…
All these comments just make me sad. There are so many bigger battles to fight, and some people are just going out of their way to be rude and hurtful to the Bees. This is just a wedding website. If you boycott every website or store that might have policies or practices you don’t agree with, then I suggest moving to a commune and growing your own food and making your clothes out of hemp. Okay, maybe I’m being a tad dramatic, but I think it gets the point across.
If people are adamantly against the site joining with eharmony, then perhaps one of the Bees that is leaving should start up a new site similar to this one, with several bloggers, illustrating their viewpoints. It would be nice to read everyone’s posts in one place.
@ Starry-Eyed Barefoot Bride: You are awesome. Incredibly well said!
How completely depressing and disappointing. I think this is a sellout, and shows incredibly poor judgment on the part of all those who made the decision to sell Weddingbee to such a horrible corporate organization.
Much, much love, support and thanks to Mrs. GB, Mrs. Cream Puff, Mrs. Lovebug, Miss Sweet Tea, Miss Flip Flop and others who will do their best to continue fighting for what’s right either here or elsewhere. I will love reading your personal blogs.
I will not be back.
Bee, I can’t imagine all of the stress you’ve been under regarding this huge decision to sell weddingbee to eHarmony. I hope it comforts you to know that there are many readers out there (me included!) that will stick around and continue enjoying this site. It must be such a difficult time for you now as you receive so much criticism and public disclaimers of people leaving the site. Hang in there and know that this will all pass. Best of luck to you!
congratulations, mrs. bee. you have made this blog into a tight knit community of diverse bloggers and readers. i’ve had the pleasure of following many of weddingbee bloggers over the years and have become ridiculously addicted ever since i got engaged just a year ago. although i understand that mrs. bee may have done what she had done for survival in the wedding blog world i am very much saddened at whom she has decided to sell this wonderful blog to. i cannot continue to read this blog knowing that they are being edited by eharmony higher ups. being in the online ad industry i completely understand how companies make money off blogs and how vitally important readers are. although they have expressed that they [eharmony] “shouldn’t make any major changes” i see day in and day out companies that urge their bloggers to promote products or ideas within their posts for the sake of advertising dollars. with that said it breaks my heart to have to stop reading weddingbee. i refuse to contribute any revenue to eharmony. thank you bees for all of your inspiration and creativity.
I should have kept my mouth shut (and probably still should) but I felt a attacked personally a few times within the comments on this post and the other that was put up today and I couldn’t hold back. I didn’t like that the comments were so one sided, and so I decided to speak up, both in support of Bee and in support of another viewpoint. I did not attack anyone for what they said, and I think all should be able to voice their opinion, I just wanted to offer up another viewpoint in a storm of criticism.
I should have worded my first comment better, I should have been more careful in the terms I used so that others did not think I was attempting to include them in what can be seen as the narrow umbrella of my belief system. I recognize that people interpret the bible and Christianity very differently. I believe each person has that right. I was not trying to represent all Christians, really just myself (and others of my LDS faith). I will do a better job from now on of making that clear.
I am not a bigot. I resent being called a bigot, as I and all others who do not advocate the LBGTQ agenda, have been called many times over in this discussion. I have never been intolerant, hateful, or prejudiced towards others decisions. I have never verbally or physically abused someone for their orientation, whether to their face or behind their back. I might not be supportive of their actions, but that is my personal choice. It’s a difficult thing to discuss, and a difficult thing to hear, but it goes down to the very core principles of my belief system. If anyone knows anything about the LDS faith and the principles we stand for, they should not be surprised.
Although I don’t know them in real life I believe that I am friends with Sweet Tea, Gingerbread, and the other writers for this site who identify themselves as LGBTQ. They advocate for things I don’t believe in (and even practice them). Well you know what? I advocate for complete abstinence before marriage, never drinking alcohol, and never smoking, and I think they respect my belief system and are willing to accept it, no matter how strange or different it may seem.
I know what many of you are going to say. That I am attempting to deny someone else what should be a fundamental right. I don’t have an answer from you that will make it all better. It’s a difficult thing to hear, but for me it is not a political or social issue, it is a spiritual one.
I want to send out some extra love to Bee tonight. She has been attacked, over, and over, and over, and over again. Did you all know she is a real person? You can post anonymously and call eharmony names all you want, but Bee is just a person like you and me. I think she wants to have a life, wants to have a family, wants to have something other than Weddingbee all the time. I will leave someday if the promises about Bee’s editorial power are broken. As long as those promises are made good, I will be here.
@MissSnapdragon: You are kind and compassionate and nice. Thank you for being open minded.
@nov08bride: That’s a great idea, and my fiance have decided (after a few minutes of discussion) to do just that. We’ll be noting all bloggers who post a url and reaching out when we’re ready to move forward, hopefully by the end of the weekend.
Expatriate bees welcome, of course.
@Mrs. Pineapple: @Miss Hot Cocoa: @Miss Meatball: Thank you, thank you, thank you for standing up and sticking out this “fight”. I echo each of your thoughts, and hope that there will be more bees accepted into the hive who share your beliefs. Without your posts, the awareness on this site will be lost.
@Starry-Eyed Barefoot Bride: ditto to everything…well said!
@Mrs. Gingerbread: @Mrs. Cream Puff: @Mrs. Lovebug: @Miss Flip Flop: I am sorry to see each of you go. I have enjoyed your posts immensely, and have drawn much wedding inspiration from your presence at WB. I, for one, will not be following you each individually, but I do wish you well in your life endeavors.
I wanted to contribute a heartfelt BRAVO to all of the bees and readers who are standing up in support of the LGBTQ community. My feelings have been voiced here by so many but I wanted to offer a ‘thank you’ anyway. Thank you!
Of all the comments I’ve read, the one that concerns me most is Mrs. Bee’s: “I’m very pleased that eHarmony has allowed me to publish these concerns on the site.” ALLOWED???? Who’s really in charge here?
@ Miss Avocado - I support your views
I’ve been a silent reader of WeddingBee for over 1yr now, and this is my first comment. It’s sad to see so many people go crazy about this issue. After all, marriage = man + woman, and anything else is just not right (and that is my view - after all everyone is entitled to their own point of view!)
whew. I have been out all day and have just caught up on all of the comments. wow, i’m not quite sure where to start.
I guess I’ll start by sharing my appreciation for the fact that weddingbee has always been a forum where people can share, express, and exchange their diverse perspectives. I am thankful for all the hard work and heart that Mr. and Mrs. Bee have poured into this site to make it what it is. I know they never make any decisions lightly, and they care so much about continually improving the site and making it the best resource available to soon-to-be-weds. I have no doubt that aspect weighed heavily in their decision process.
I must admit that it made me a bit sad to see the “copyright eHarmony” at the bottom when I got home today. As I shared with the bees, it just felt like something was not right, or like the Man (as in big business) was watching or something. Almost like, it’s not our little party anymore.
And then there is the deeper issue that’s been the focus of all of this discussion: the implications for the LGBTQ community and what that means for our personal values. I have been wrestling with my own views for a long time and I do consider myself a supporter of same-sex unions and civil rights for all (even though my definition of the term “marriage” is between a man and a woman, which is separate from the legal stuff, since to me, “marriage” is more religious rather than just legal).
To be honest, at first, I didn’t think the sale to eHarmony was that big of a deal, especially for all of the reasons in Bee’s “The Big News” post. I thought both the Bees and eHarmony were doing their best to make the transition as seamless as possible, and allowing us to preserve our safe space for expression. I think Bee’s sentence that “eHarmony has allowed [her] to publish these concerns” is to show that yes, eHarmony does own the site now, but they are committed to publishing all views and perspectives. But anyway, that is not the point I’m trying to make.
What I am trying to say is that my initial reaction was that this would mean more resources and support for Bee, to make this site even better. But today, it did feel a little different. And after reading all of the comments, I do feel somewhat torn. I wish that we could all view weddingbee independently from eHarmony, purely as a wedding resource and a forum for discussion and exchanging ideas. But at the same time, I completely understand the view that it isn’t entirely independent and that we would implicitly be supporting certain views.
Additionally, it feels very strange for me to be putting myself out there so openly only to help a big company like eHarmony make more money (particularly one whom I’m not sure I support). I felt more than happy to blog on the intimate community of weddingbee for my own personal enjoyment, to help other brides, and to support Mr. and Mrs. Bee…but now that it’s for a big company, it doesn’t feel quite right. I think this was a discussion on the “The Big News” post, but I do think for future bees, some form of compensation should be necessary, given that the posts drive the traffic to the site and in turn, the profits. Contrary to popular opinion, it does take a significant amount of time to write thoughtful and helpful posts, and it is one thing to spend that time for a small community you care about, but another when it is a big business.
I guess I am very torn. I am about halfway through my recaps and a few more DIY posts away from closing this part of my journey. And I love being a resource to other brides and sharing my ideas, and I know that this is still a great medium to do so through.
I do respect that Bee has specified in her agreement with eHarmony that the site will still allow for all perspectives to be shared. We are all entitled to our own values and beliefs. While I may disagree with some of eHarmony’s beliefs, I must give them credit for showing full support of diverse perspectives being published on this site.
I guess I am on the fence for now, though given the near completion of my recaps and the efforts that have been made to maintain the spirit of this site, I am leaning towards continuing.
Know that I fully support my fellow bees who have chosen to leave, and I fully respect the decision of those who have chosen to stay. May we all continue to have open dialogue on these issues.
@ Miss Sauce: please let us know the URL once it’s up and running, I would be very interested to check it out.
How sad is all of this? This is honestly like watching a train wreck…..watching someone I have enjoyed for almost 3 years just go down the drain……Weddingbee will never be the same…..
@kaymarie: Thank you so much Kaymarie for voicing your/our beliefs. I have read most of the comments on here and I am having a hard time believe that the Christian view is in the minority. I really think (and hope) that there are more of you out there who really believe what the Bible says and teaches, if that is you, please dont be afraid to say something! I would like to say that, as a Christan, I DO NOT hate anyone, there may be people who get on my nerves or people i do not agree with but I could not hate another one of God’s creations. I hope you all know that God made you, thats right, He knew you before you were born, He knew who you would be and the things that you would do and He loves you, He sent is son to die for you… all of you, not a few, not some, ALL. No matter what you have done in your life, the mistakes you have made or the sins you have commited, He loves you and always will and He wants you to go to heaven when you leave this life. I do have to agree with Miss Avacado and Kaymarie, that homosexuality is a sin and it’s not really a gray issue in the Bible and if you think that you can just ignore things in the bible than you can’t really call yourself a christian. I believe as a Christian, you must believe that the Bible was inspired and written by God, and all of it is true. Not some of it, all of it. It is God’s word for us and we must know that he had a reason for every word He gave us, not just some of them.
So, Mrs. Bee, I LOVE WEDDINGBEE and I will not be leaving. I would have loved to blog about my wedding here but never got to applying before my wedding this past June. I love ALL the bloggers on here, no matter what your orientation, I can say that I don’t love your orientation, but I do love you. Thank you to all the Bees for your inspiration while i was planning my wedding, I will continue to be inspired by your weddings!
@taytayalis #167: “Love the sinner, hate the sin”. We are called to love all PEOPLE, but we aren’t called to love their ACTS. Who or what you have sex with is an act and a CHOICE. And while I don’t care what consenting adults do in private, I’m certainly not a bigot because I don’t accept it or think that it is wrong.
WeddingBee has been one of the most enjoyable things about planning my wedding. I got married last weekend with a lot of help and inspiration from all you great Bee’s. (the damask table runners alone made my reception a piece of art) And I was hoping to use the classifieds to sell a few post wedding items - said table runners & lanterns.
I was very sad to be leaving Wedding bee as a Mrs. and was going to read as long as possible.
Now I will be leaving because of this. Mrs Gingerbread has been such an inspiration to me. I talk about her all the time. I can’t possibly support a company who doesn’t recognize the amazing love within the gay community.
Thank you for everything you’ve been to me.
The nature of the commenting beast is that you are always more likely to receive negative feedback than positive. I wasn’t going to comment, but I feel like I should now — Bee, as one of the many “silent” readers of your site, I assure you that I will continue reading and supporting Weddingbee!
You know, respect the opinions and beliefs of everyone here, but I also agree with eHarmony…I think it’s up to them who they want to target in their business. I agree everyone has the right to pair up however they wish–choose a partner of whatever gender you want. Currently marriage is defined one way–that doesn’t stop a person from being able to spend their life with one person. I think you should be able to have a contract with anyone you wish to connect your life with.
My friends who are gay or lesbian never really seemed to care about marriage in the sense that my hetero friends wanted–in fact, I have friends who really don’t seem to care about one partner but instead who have many different partners…So, honestly it would never occur to me that GLBTQ people would be interested in long-term marriage and commitment necessarily. But I’m sure there are plenty of websites and places out there (and if not, someone could create one) to help match gay people up–but not necessarily straight people. Why should eHarmony have to promote something to please everyone? If eHarmony doesn’t promote same-sex marriages on their website, should there be all-gay relationship sites that promote hetero marriages?
So I take it you don’t eat shellfish, don’t eat vegetables grown alongside other vegetables, and don’t wear any clothes made from blended fabrics. Also, you believe that Noah took exactly one pair of each type of animals on the ark, and also took exactly seven pairs of each animal on the ark. And you support *slavery* and polygyny and the purchase of brides. Because those are all Biblical positions, supported 100% by the canon Bible.
Also…I just saw Ms. Avocado’s reply…I have to state that every person has a right to their opinion. I have to say…There are certain things that aren’t “rights”–I think all people have the right to make a contract—to show they are connected and to show that they are committed in a partnership, if they are so. I don’t agree that marriage is a right. I also don’t believe that having a baby is a right. I mean, driving a car isn’t a right either…
I respect the people who really want to be in a committed relationship, yet I don’t care to have to hide under some politically correct view that things have to be exactly the same for all people…any person can get married to a person of the opposite gender. There is no exclusion on this. You can show your love for ANY person…there is no law against that. I do think that people should be able to be partners–same gendered or opposite-gendered, but I think only one is marriage.
Of course, the great thing about where we live is that we ALL can express a multitude of opinions and not be persecuted because of them. We have the right to disagree.
That last post was intended for the person who said that she was a Christian who followed and believed in all of the Bible.
To those who claim not to be bigots: if you don’t support full civil rights for all, you are a bigot, by definition. If you don’t believe all people should have the same rights, you are a bigot. Sorry, but it is true.
I am done now.
Peace out.
I admit one thing I love about this site is the diversity…Plus, if there are going to be major changes and a great amount of editing of the posters’ blogs, then I may not continue on as a reader. At the same time, eH isn’t saying that gay bloggers can’t post here…They can continue to blog about their ceremonies and preparations. I don’t see a real problem here unless they start editing what people say and the way things are done around here…If Wedding Bee stays the same, I’ll keep returning, no matter who owns it.
I have a feeling that writing what I will may fall on already closed minds and deaf ears. The more I read on this post the more frustrated/sad/worried I become. I have only commented a few times and just enjoy reading about everyones journey until now. Mrs. Bee you are a wonderful person for creating a community like this. Great job and you deserve it!
I guess I am like many others and will no longer visit here. I am a conservative, Republican, Christian, heterosexual and newlywed but all of those titles do not mean anything without respect and integrity. Go ahead and judge me for my values but I refuse to point the finger back. It needs to stop at some point.
I have been exposed to people that are just like me and want to be with the one they love. I support everyone in their quest to attain true happiness no matter who it is with.
Thank you to all bees for sharing your journeys with me! I am continuing on in my journey as well by no longer returning to wedding bee… meaning right now. No more comments being read or to see if someone will reply to me.
This is tough to break an addiction to such a fun website but in the back of my mind I know it is tougher for those in the GLBTQ community.
Best of luck to current and future Bees.
Signing off and hugs to all…
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions but I sniff a bit of hypocrisy and fake bravado here.
Get a grip people - this is a wedding planning site, not a political platform and if you don’t share the views of the financier of that site it doesn’t mean that you are compromising your own by clicking in. Because if you do, then there’s a lot I can challenge you with -
- Stop subscribing to the national cable stations based in the bible belt because they, too, are anti-semetic, anti gay and anti abortions. I bet you won’t be calling your cable station to unsubscribe, and your money goes directly to them!!
- Stop shopping the Gap, Old Navy, Banana etc., they are doing the most horrific things to children in their sweat-shops in south-east asia. Much, much worse than eharmony.
- If you feel like supporting the cause, then talk the talk and walk the walk. support organizations, contribute to charities, write to the newspaper.
By the way, I am a jewish woman, in an interfaith/interracial marriage, a New Yorker and an active part of one the largest non for profit LGBTQ organizations in the country, BC/EFA.
Unsubscribing from a wedding site is the coward’s way out.
Weddingbee, more than ever, needs the sane, liberal voices, and this IS the way to show strength - by expressing liberal opinions EVERYWHERE, regardless of ownership.
Mrs. Bee - Many hugs to you. I’ll still be here.
Last night, I made the decision to not continue blogging with the site. It was highly personal and I will very much miss all the women who contribute to the site via writing, editing or commenting.
However, I think out of respect for what we’ve all enjoyed here as a community and out of respect for the people who continue to participate in the site that comments should be focused on one’s personal dissatisfaction with this change in events. In life, you can only make decisions for yourself and tossing insults at those on the other side benefits no one.
I am just reading the news since I was on work travel. As someone who stumbled on the site after getting engaged and doing a search for “quirky wedding sites”, I am truly disappointed in the sale of the WeddingBee to EHarmony.
The most disturbing issue–to me–is the editorial involvement by EHarmony in Mrs. Gingerbread’s post, which–to me–foreshadows possible future intervention on controversial content. As someone who works in communications, I doubt that EHarmony’s review of Mrs. Gingerbread posts was solely grammatical. Mrs. Bee, could you clarify this issue?
@Mrs. Hummingbird: do you have a personal blog so we can continue to hear about how your wedding went?
@Shanna: My personal site is
http://www.xanga.com/bumblingbride
I plan to finish the recaps there.
honeycomb - I applaud your post!! I wish I was as eloquently verbose as you. I wish that everyone stayed with weddingbee. Mrs. Bee - I’m staying!
Mrs. Gingerbread, I’m sad you won’t be posting anymore because I really grew to love your blogs more than anyone’s but I support your decision and wish you and your lovely partner a wonderful life of wedded bliss.
@Lindsay:
Please stop speaking for Christians as a whole. Christian simply means that you believe that Jesus was Christ who died on the cross for our sins. Everything else, from views on homosexuality, to baptism, to marriage, is DENOMINATION dependent. I am an Episcopalian CHRISTIAN who has no issues who with other’s sexual orientation… And I am not alone. Other CHRISTIAN churches are also excepting of LGBTQ. I speak for me, and others I know. I am also aware that several Christian churches do not view being LGBTQ as ok. Please DO NOT speak in such generalities as “Christians believe this is right/wrong”. You speak for yourself and others you know.
I believe Miss Avacado has voiced HER opinion well. While MY view does not fall in line with hers, she in entitled to her own… AS ARE WE ALL.
Thought for all who’s blood may be boiling at this point:
Aaron Sorkin put it best
“You want free speech? Let’s see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who’s standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours. You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country cannot just be a flag. The symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Now show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms.
Then you can stand up and sing about the land of the free.”
An open note to all of the readers and bees who are choosing to leave WB because of eHarmony’s policies:
Us engaged folk are all dreaming about making our weddings unique - isn’t that part of why we’re here? Let’s keep striving for creativity in our celebrations, but who are we to think that we can redefine marriage?
Marriage, by definition, is a covenant between one man and one woman for a lifetime. Families don’t always work out this way (mine included), but this doesn’t change what marriage *is* and has been since the earliest of times.
I’m fine with GBLT people (including friends of mine) having the same legal protection as everyone else when it comes to property and freedom of speech, for example - part of what civil union legislation ensures in my nook of the world. What I don’t accept is the GBLT agenda that tries to force me to recognize something that I find morally repugnant. Where is the ‘tolerance’ in that? Where is the celebration of ‘diversity’ that GBLTs so value?
It is not up to us to define “right” and “wrong”. (Indeed, my convictions - not opinions, not mere ‘beliefs’ - are grounded in something much deeper and more lasting than myself.)
One thing I hope we can all agree on is that the choices we make for our families affect our communities, our countries, our world. For all the ironic vitriol that a pro-marriage post like mine is bound to attract on this wedding site, I cannot support an agenda that attacks the very fabric of a healthy society.
Legality is not the issue; morality is
sad news. I won’t read weddingbee again. goodbye.
Sorry in advance for the long post. Ok I have been silent in this whole back and forth, but as others have said I think the Bee’s need to hear some positive voices as well as all the negative voices. To the Bees thank you for the amazing website it is a pleasure to come here and read. I will continue to read. However I too will anxiously wait to see what happens from here on. However those at your parent company, EHarmony, should know that bloggers and readers alike will be waiting to see how they treat this website going forward and if it will truly be the open forum it has always been. I hope so and am keeping my fingers crossed.
Before I say the following let me preface it with the fact that yes I believe that same sex marriage should be allowed and I have several friends who are in fact openly gay whom I adore. As for the whole issue with EHarmony’s business practices as many others have pointed out ultimately it is their business and they have the right to say we are choosing to focus or marketing on x group over y group. Every business does it. You may not like it, you may not agree with it but the reality is when you have x amount of funds to spend on growing your business you do it in the places that will be most profitable to you. And yes maybe it isn’t right or it isn’t fair but it doesn’t make it discrimination either. Saying we don’t want to invest more money to do more research, or buy it from someone else, to figure out what makes gay relationships tick, and more marketing dollars into recruiting that market share isn’t discrimination. It’s simply saying “hey let’s not spend our money on a segment of the population that isn’t large enough for us to see a big enough return on to be worthwhile.” In a business you focus on the easiest and fastest means of growth. If it is going to be cheaper and thus more profitable for me to take my funds and invest them in marketing overseas to grow my consumer base, in say China vs. spending cash on redesigning my product and marketing for a smaller market share guess which one I am picking? Further as others have said there are already specific websites set up to cater to the LBGTQ community so again it goes to an expense in marketing a product to a small group when that nitch is already filled. It would be like opening 10 sushi restaurants on the same block, you only have so many customers who want sushi or in this case a dating service, if the market share isn’t there and easily pulled away from their current provider then you don’t do it. Guess what other companies do the same thing everyday, I work for a midsized video game company and we don’t say hey let’s focus a bunch of our marketing money on 60+ year old women. Because guess what, that isn’t the target market that buys games and while yes some might come and buy our games afterwards it wouldn’t be nearly enough to make up for the millions of dollars invested in it vs. what we could have made marketing to 20+ year old men. Ultimately maybe Eharmony is the most bigoted company on earth I could be wrong, but so far I have seen nothing in the last 200+ posts to say so, just a few articles saying that it would be a bad business move for them right now, which frankly it would be.
And as for the person who said Jim Crow laws primarily focused on Blacks and that it didn’t relate to the LBGTQ community you are fooling yourself, every generation has had their version of Jim Crow laws and ways of creating a second class citizenry. We as a society just keep learning how to mask it better and to pick smaller groups to pick on. Native Americans, Irish, Chinese, Black, Women, LBGTQ and many others have all faced these struggles, so to say that that the issues facing the LBGTQ community are different is a joke. And for those of you defending your anti LBGTQ views with the Bible guess what, that one is an old trick too, it’s been used to justify slavery, the killing of the Native Americans, and the movement to keep women without a vote and without a say and in retrospect no one in their right mind would now look at the bible and say “Yep I can see it was totally ok to do those things” so think about that next time you pull out your bible and start quoting away. And yes I too am a practicing Christian.
Thank you both for piping up.
As a strong Christian woman, I believe that homosexuality is a sin.
I stand for traditional definition of marriage and family as the heart of our society. Thus, I will continue to support Weddingbee in its endeavors.
I’m saddened to see LGBT supporters so harshly attack those who do not agree with their beliefs. Please choose to carry yourselves with grace.
My question for all you bible-quoting Christian folks who DO claim same-sex marriage to be “morally repugnant” (thanks for that Miss Grace) — I’m not religious. At all. Not Christian, not anything. And yet…hmm…married! Would you classify my marriage as a “civil union” because I was married outside? By a judge? without any reference to God or any other “higher power”? Just because YOU define marriage as a spiritual commitment doesn’t mean it should be the legal definition of it. Separation of church and state is in place to protect not just the LGTBQ community, but those of us that just don’t believe in the practices of any church at all, regardless of who we love and sleep with.
im going to have to agree with honeycomb #243. There are a LOT of companies we use everyday that have policies that you may not agree with. if you found out, i dont think you would stop using them all. this is harsh reality of life…and i truly believe that while some of you will stick by your guns, the rest of you will come back and take a look at whats going on at weddingbee from time to time, only anonomously. most of you have already been back to comment multiple times already. one day you’ll be at work or home bored, looking for a site to surf and weddingbee will be your go-to place, as it always has been.
@Lindsay: I just have to stand up for myself and say I’m going to go ahead and continue to believe what I believe and that is EVERYONE deserves equal rights AND I’m going to go ahead and continue to identify as a Christian. I don’t need your permission to be a part of that community. If you feel the need to discuss this further you can email me through my website.
@StefK:
You are married in the eyes of the modern-day legal system. However, you are not married in the eyes of God. Since you have no belief in God, this shouldn’t bother you. (Not a jab at all, just an answer to your question from my point of view.)
Please, again, choose to carry yourselves with grace. I consider homosexuality a sin, but accept that you support the issue. Christianity, above all, is for peace. I may not agree with you on the morality of homosexuality, but I fully respect your beliefs.
I gave myself a day to think about this, and now this is the last time I will click on Weddingbee. It’s fine, really. It makes sense to my life: I’m married now. I enjoyed sharing some advice on the boards and some feedback in comments, but I can stop, too. I’m glad to have the addresses to some of the personal blogs of the Bees.
Thanks, Mrs. Bee, Mr. Bee, BIL Bee and all the blogging ladies (and gents) for all the work you put into this. I am glad Mrs. Bee can take a vacation and some time to herself without worrying how to pay the bills. I am grateful this community existed the way it did, if only for a while. I’m sad that companies like eHarmony are as exclusionary as they are, but I have hope that this will become more the exception than the rule in this country… and, indeed, many of the comments and posts about this decision have given me more hope in that respect.
As I look to the bottom of this page and see “Copyright eHarmony”, I know what I need to do next: I am going to the EQCA site (which I learned about from this site - thank you, Mrs. Gingerbread) and seeing how I can support their work on the upcoming election. Simply not clicking is not enough. Those of us who are leaving this site should act proactively to end the discrimination we find so offensive.
Best of luck to those of you working to change the system from the inside. You have a lot of work ahead of you, as do we all.
Goodbye, Weddingbee.
I am personally thrilled to see so many Bee’s decline to make eHarmony money by continuing to post. I am also thrilled that so many supporters of LGBTQ community are willing to forgo a daily pleasure in order to not support a company whose values are not their own. For those saying this is ‘just’ a wedding site - every journey is a series of steps, not reading this site, is another step in my journey toward being the person I choose to be - which is a compassionate supported of equal rights under the law for all.
This all feels so disheartening to read, and makes me feel so torn. The thing is, ta the end I still feel that after what I’ve gotten from WeddingBee, I owe Mrs. Bee and Weddingbee the benefit of the doubt and a chance to prove that it will still be welcoming and diverse. Without this site I would never have been exposed to a wedding as lovely as Mrs. Gingerbread’s, or the colorful celebrations of Mrs. Jasmine, or the beautiful blending of cultures in Mr. & Mrs. Cream Puff’s wedding. I really hope WeddingBee won’t lose ALL those diverse voices, but I completely respect the decisions of the bees to stay/go. But, Mrs. Bee–I’m giving you some faith here–I’m trusting you to not let us down!
@honeycomb (#243) although I appreciate your comments, most of us have to pick and choose what we are willing to be politically active in. Being part of a nation of consumers, many of us cannot exhaustively research every company that we consume from. we can, however, choose certain topics to focus our activism on and attempt to make more of an impact through educated, active support/non-support.
Finally, for many of us, our wedding planning IS reflecting who we are, and therefore, WHAT we stand for. If there are women here who are passionate about same-sex marriage rights, heck yeah they’ll stop supporting WB if that’s one of the ways they believe is necessary. If they are passionate against sweat shops, they probably already don’t purchase clothing made in various countries, by various manufacturers. etc. etc.
Please don’t assume that we’re all hypocrites because we’re not able to address the spectrum of injustice in the world — but understand that the journey starts with a step.
No matter what, I feel it’s our job to love, and God’s to judge. While I may not agree with you about what marriage means because of my spiritual beliefs, I do respect you to pursue what you believe in and will not stand in your way. In fact, I support you! Please don’t beat me down though, for believing what I believe. Don’t trample on my beliefs to raise yours up.
One more thing — don’t forget this little quote, you may have heard it somewhere:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
What nonsense–Such a fuss to be raised about all of this! People who want to go, go. Whatever. People who want to stay, stay. I don’t care about the political message…blah, blah…you support this. You don’t support that. This is a great website. PERIOD. And, honestly, I could care less about gay marriage –especially while planning my own wedding. This is not a political site nor is it a religious site. Either way, no one is stopping anyone from having their ceremonies. This is a great page. I’m staying either way. I appreciate Mrs. Bee’s work and know this must have been a tough decision. I’m here either way.
@StefK: @<a Thank you for supporting my point. You affirm that you are married, although the ceremony was performed outside, by a judge, and without any reference to a “higher power”. Whether we wear a white dress or wed in a church is inconsequential to what marriage is. Whether we fully grasp the significance (spiritual or otherwise) of marriage does not change what marriage is.
For the record, Thomas Jefferson coined the term “wall of separation between the church and the state” in a letter to a Baptist community on 1 January, 1802. The “wall” referred to was exclusively to prevent the state meddling in the church’s business, not to bar the church from the state’s business. In agreement with this, the Constitution states that “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.”
@StefK: @<a Thank you for supporting my point. You affirm that you are married, although the ceremony was performed outside, by a judge, and without any reference to a “higher power”. Whether we wear a white dress or wed in a church is inconsequential to what marriage is. Whether we fully grasp the significance (spiritual or otherwise) of marriage does not change what marriage is.
For the record, Thomas Jefferson coined the term “wall of separation between the church and the state” in a letter to a Baptist community on 1 January, 1802. The “wall” referred to was exclusively to prevent the state meddling in the church’s business, not to bar the church from the state’s business. In agreement with this, the Constitution states that “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.”
I take cold comfort from these comments that at least many of us care about the meaning of marriage…as well as letterpress and aisle runners.
@Go Amie: Thank you for stepping up and saying this. Bigotry is a strong word, but it truly does apply in this case. Yes, you are all entitled to your own beliefs, but you are not entitled to impose those beliefs on others and deny them their rights. If two people love, cherish, and respect each other, how can anyone outside of their relationship think that they can be the one to define or restrict that relationship? Fine, you can believe it is wrong, but two people who love each other getting married will not change your life in any way. It will not hurt you, it will not make your own marriage any less wonderful. It will simply give the basic rights of this country to more people, it will allow them to stand up and declare their love and commitment, and it will bring much joy to those people and their families.
No matter how you justify your belief: jesus says no, you think it’s just not “natural”, that’s different from me and i can’t tolerate anything that is different from me…wanting to deny people their rights, thinking that they should be treated any differently than you, is bigotry, plain and simple. That may not be something that feels good to hear, but there’s no getting around it.
For those of you who think that a “civil union” gives the same rights as marriage, please do a bit more research, including reading Mrs. Gingerbread’s posts. Even if she and Mrs. GB 2.0 had entered into a civil union, then Mrs. GB 2.0 wouldn’t have been able to get a green card to stay in this country. They had to LEAVE THE COUNTRY in order to continue to live in the same place. I can’t imagine a bigger denial of your rights than having to leave your home in order to marry the person who you love.
Wow. . . this is the first time I’ve read through comments on a post and thought, “That was harsh!” Each of the bees is making a personal decision whether to stay or leave weddingbee, and I don’t think any of us has the right to judge them for that. Mrs. Creampuff seems to be getting the brunt of some of these comments. I hope that all of us can take a deep breath, step back, and remember what weddingbee is all about. Part of the reason I knew I wanted to be a Bee from the first time I visited the site is because of it seemed to be a very loving environment. Everyone here is SO incredibly nice and helpful and willing to share suggestions and ideas and answer questions “new” brides have. Let’s not lose sight of that. Weddingbee is a fantastic online community - don’t let eHarmony’s less than desirable practice of LGBTQ exclusion take that away from us.
For the record, I am a staunch supporter of marriage equality, opponent of Florida’s amendment 2, and wholeheartedly respect the decisions of each INDIVIDUAL bee who is making what I can only imagine is a very tough decision.
@peachy in the south: Thank you, precisely what I was saying (and I do respect your right to your opinion). I am married in the eyes of the modern-day legal system, but not the eyes of God (which, you’re right, doesn’t matter to me). My point is that gay marriage is coming to the political forefront, and people are arguing (and potentially voting) against it based on religion. Based on marriage being a spiritual commitment, rather than a legal one. It is, in fact, a legal/political/government issue, not a spiritual issue. I’m only trying to say that if you are choosing to be (or potentially vote) against gay marriage, you shouldn’t be quoting the bible as your reason for it or else you have me (and I would imagine a LOT of other people) to fight you on it (b/c you basically negate my MARRIAGE from even a “modern day legal” standpoint)…does that make sense? I’m sure we could go round and round and round…
I don’t think anyone here is being a bigot. I think it is possible to be accepting of gay people and to not agree on gay marriage. You can be accepting of gay people and oppose gay marriage.
What I’m hearing is that if you don’t agree with gay marriage, you’re a bigot or you’re being mean or unfair or the Conservative Christian stereotype is rolled out–which is a form of bigotry unto itself.
We can all agree to disagree.
I didn’t even want to comment on this post - I don’t want a single thing to do with this site anymore. However, I feel like E-Harmony needs to know that people are NOT okay with their business practices, and with their connection with Focus on the Family.
So here I am, commenting, another user leaving your site.
If you choose to sell your company to a larger one whose (past and present) business practices you are aware of, then that means you are willing to now operate under the bigger company’s policies. If you disagree with their practices and sell your company to them anyway, you are selling out.
I loved Wedding Bee because it had it’s own voice. Yes, I do think that the Bees put a lot of work into this site and it’s their choice if they want to sell. They should be rewarded for their work. But why to eHarmony? Why not another company? If you didn’t believe in their business ethics, why would you sell your website to them? How is WB supposed to contribute to “change in a resistant industry” while it operates under the umbrella of a company with a history like eHarmony? It just sounds like a bunch of crock to justify a sale. I am so disappointed in this decision and saddened that I can no longer continue to support this site.
I am MoH for my best friend’s wedding next summer - she introduced me to this website. I read it fairly regularly, usually when I want to unwind. I never, in a million years, thought I would click over to Weddingbee to find a post that would wind me up, rather than cooling me down.
I don’t think the issue for me is with eHarmony’s refusal to include LGBTQ couples on their site. If they want to be a Christian company, fine. That’s their choice, and those who want to boycott them for it, should. Frankly, I agree.
The part that deeply upsets me is eHarmony’s affiliation with associations that support the idea that Homosexuality can be ‘cured.’ I am a psychology major, ultimately pursuing a PhD in Neuroscience. But psychology is my first love and my background. As such, it sickens me every time I hear of propaganda about ‘curing’ or ‘treating’ people for being gay. And I’m shocked that any strong-minded person could support a company that gets behind such a harmful, degrading farce.
This is a sad day for me. Mrs. Bee, I can understand your excitement at expanding the company… but truly, at what cost?
I commented earlier in this blog entry about being torn about whether to continue visiting this website, and I’ve made the decision.
After going through the 250+ comments, it just affirms my fears of what this site can potentially turn into.
I agree that everyone has a right to their own opinions. I agree that everyone has a right to VOICE their own opinions. But I don’t agree with someone calling same-sex marriage “morally wrong”. That is just down-right offensive. I also don’t agree with all the name calling that has gone on.
So, what potentially could have turned into a full fledged addiction to this website will be cut short. And I have to admit that it is REALLY disappointing because I SINCERELY and WHOLEHEARTEDLY enjoyed all the Bee’s who blogged.
Farewell Mrs. Bee, I hope that the future brings you much personal happiness and success.
Dear Mrs. Bee:
Thank you. Thanks for creating Weddingbee, for pouring your heart and soul into it, and for all the work you’ve done to make it what it today. Because of you, hundreds, probably thousands, of men & women have had a place of refuge in the storm of wedding planning. Weddingbee has become a part of my daily routine - the last thing before I do before going to bed is check my email for the daily digest. Many times, I’ve already read most if not all of the posts throughout the day. Weddingbee has taught me so much about weddings and how to make it our own. It’s given me inspiration (sometimes I get a little TOO inspired), information and most of all, a support system. Planning the biggest party of your life can be a bit overwhelming, and during those times when I’m stressed to the n-th degree, Weddingbee gives me a few moments of much needed sanity.
One reason I love Weddingbee so much is because of its dissimilarity to the boards of some other wedding websites - we all know what I’m talking about, so I won’t mention any names. Weddingbee has been a really nice and friendly community that embraces differences - actually, it’s almost as if we were blind to differences - you’re not asian-american or lesbian or african-american or southern or northern or gay - you’re a bride or groom just like all the rest of us. It makes me really sad to hear so many people being…. well, kinda mean and judgmental. I know in your heart you made the best possible decision you could make. So again, thanks. . . without the site you built, I’d still be clueless about why STDs are actually desirable and that you don’t toss the bouquet you carry down the aisle because you’re liable to cause some head trauma. I would still think Gocco was some kind of vintage candy bar (like abba-zabba) and wouldn’t be numbering my RSVP cards because I’d be sure my guests would understand that M__________ means “write your name here).
Welp, it’s been 24 hours and guess what? Traffic probably hit a record high due to the announcement, the sun is still rising, the site did not implode, and the people who said they were leaving are still here reading these words. So sad…and after all that fuss!
And why pray tell are people coming back today to announce they’re leaving? Just leave already. Didn’t the announcement of eHarmony’s acquisition go forth yesterday? Why are you guys still here commenting? And for all those who made grandiose exits but are now back lurking…Buyer’s remorse?
This whole “I won’t be back act” just stinks of self-righteousness and a cowardly “follower” mentality.
Glad the posts are back to wedding stuff again.
Hey all you Bees that are standing by your convictions, I salute and support you 100%. Reading about all the people who support you should serve to strengthen your ideals.
It may have been a difficult decision but if a few people stand up for what they believe in, even if the reason is that it just feels wrong, it makes it easier for others to stand behind you until it feels right for all.
@Zeena: Oy! Such hostility! Careful with the self-righteous accusations lest you fall into “pot/kettle/black territory.” Be nice.
You got my vote to NOT be a reader to this site agian. I can’t bare to come into a site that thinks same-sex marriage is wrong. To all you bees, if you can PLEASE post your personal blogs so that we (those that chose not to come to weddingbee anymore) can follow your quest. Mrs. Bee, congrats to you and your family and goodluck
Hey this would be great to go on to the news or even to a talk show like Ellen Degeneres who, of course, has a voice for same-sex marriage. Come on people we can’t stay silent, fight for what is right!
very sad. I have to say, it’s hard to give up an addiction that i have nursed for almost three years, even a year after I got married and stopped commenting. It’s been fun, but the association with eHarmony ruins it for me.
Thanks to all the bees!
Zeena , I totally agree. I’m trying to figure out why the ship jumpers are still here posting. We get it. You’re leaving but when?
I met my now husband on Match.com- a site that allows everyone to find someone. Weddingbee gave me the best advice, information and a sense of community. I would have loved to have been a bee….but would my lesbian bridesmaid have been accepted into this new “membership?” I think not. This is my last viewing of weddingbee. I was so excited to see the news Mrs. Bee had…but this is nothing to celebrate.
I haven’t commented yet and must admit I don’t think I’ll be able to get through all the comments any time soon, but I too am saddened by this. I also am embarrassed that I did not know this about eHarmony, but now that I do, it does taint Weddingbee for me. I have told so many people about this site, and usually what I say is how diverse it is, and positive, and just wonderful. I do believe it really changed my wedding planning and helped me a lot. So thanks for all that, all of you! I have posted a few congratulations to Bees getting married tomorrow, but I am not sure I will do more than that any longer. I am undecided but leaning toward leaving. Weddingbee has been an addiction, and I guess this will help me cure that addiction, but it is sad. Nothing stays the same, I guess. I’m just sad that this company is the one that was chosen. All the bees have been wonderful, and I’ve loved Mrs. GB, Lovebug, Cream Puff, Cherry Pie, CC, Sweet Tea, Pineapple, Hummingbird, and so on’s posts. You guys are really unique and special. Thanks for everything, and here’s to equal rights for all!
Well, skeedaddle then…Go on, shoo! Really…Such a big ol’ fuss about nothing.
@Honeycomb: hear, hear. When I became a bee, I made a promise to Mrs. Bee. As long as EH remains but a copyright blurb at the bottom of the page, I will be here, supporting her. I respect the decisions of every bee, either way, and will sorely miss Miss G, but until my recaps are done, I will fulfill my promise and duty as a weddingbee blogger. *hugs* Bee!
Yes, such a big old fuss about equal rights and not promoting acts of bigotry. Ain’t nothing to be worried about.
Here’s a thought: do a little research on the notion of privilege. Because you, Melissa, are swimming in it.
Well, skeedaddle then…Go on, shoo! Really…Such a big ol’ fuss about nothing. There will be plenty of people who stay.
Mrs. Bee, it was your decision, and I, for one, support you in it. You made your choice, which you have every right to make. Don’t let ANYONE make you feel bad about that. It was most likely a very smart business decision, and I guarantee if most of the people here were lucky enough to be in your shoes, they’d totally jump at the chance. You did a lot to give people a voice-You created a great site, and now these people who are wanting to walk away can blog elsewhere–but they started blogging here and gained readership b/c of you. You will find new bloggers of various orientations and cultures who will still be interested in posting. Now, stand your ground. You are not alone. You have plenty of supporters.
This is a great website, a useful resource, and seriously, this much fuss and huffiness does not need to be made and is not justified. If you want to go, just go.
Free enterprise is a beautiful thing, isn’t it?
I gather many people didn’t think the whole “I’m not visiting the site” thing through all the way. It worked yesterday, but now? Oh shoot! Must. Visit. Site. To Respond. To. Comments.
Crap.
What makes me really sad is the corporatization of the site. First, it was one of the few places where I could go for advice that no company had a stake in — I could trust the bees. Now I can’t. “Wow this product is fabulous!” Does that mean you were told to say that, or you got a bunch of free stuff to say it? Now any recommendation is worthless. There is so much mass market manipulation in the wedding industry that a trustworthy resource is indispensible. This site is now just the knot 2.
Secondly, it doesn’t sound like the bees will get paid for their work. That is bull. It’s one think when you volunteer for a community. It’s another thing when it’s a corporation. I don’t know how to see it other than Mrs. Bee has taken advantage and profited tremendously from the talents of others.
Third, what a company to sell to! Nothing short of a complete lack of integrity would make such a sale possible.
I feel kinda betrayed. Oh well. I have better things to do. Like study ethics. I highly recommend the subject.
I am conflicted. I am going to keep this short.
I understand Mrs. Bee’s decision… It’s not for me to judge. I respect she made a decision for what she felt was right. I am sure Mrs. Bee made sure to do her best to keep the INTEGRITY of the site in mind as she made her decision.
Basically- Although I understand & respect why readers & bee’s would choose to leave… I almost feel in a way- & this may be totally naive on my part… That if people choose to go- it’s like the founder of eHarmony wins.
But by leaving– it’s like not being present. It’s almost like not taking a stand for one another. For example, maybe someone would choose to stay to make sure LGBTQ community has voices & supporters- to make sure that we know we are all here to support unions and to celebrate the work couples put towards the celebration of the start of a joyous marriage.
This was just a thought that came to mind. I understand why people would choose not to be indirectly affiliated with eHarmony & Focus on the Family. I don’t at all agree with eHarmony or Focus on the Family. I am a full supporter of LGBTQ rights- I prefer to take the stand that I will be present to be their supporter and ally.
I read most of the entries here—
unfortunately my feelings regarding this topic are too strong for me to continue visiting the site and supporting eHarmony. It appears this acquisition has cost the community many dedicated readers…what a sad, sad thing.
Zeena, I agree. If people are going to go, there is no need to make a big fuss…just go and don’t come back. It will reflect in the numbers, and most of the people have said what they need to say. The decision has been made.
Sparkles, I understand too about hoping the integrity of the site is not compromised. I adore this site, but let’s give it some time before everyone jumps the gun.
I also understand about people being upset for many reasons at eH, but really, we haven’t even seen much of a change yet on this site. If there are big changes or noticeable changes, then you have a reason to start saying stuff. Give it a little time, folks.
If it’s not what the original site was, talk to Mrs. Bee and email eH then. And then be vigilant about it. Trust me, eH will already pick on on the displeasure stated here in the last couple of days. It’s not going to necessarily change a lot at the moment. I hope eH stays true to the vision of Wedding Bee. If not, we’ll find a way to recreate the old one elsewhere. All is not lost.
If Mrs Bee says that WB will remain the way it is, I believe her. Or at least I would let things move along and play it by ear. Why dismiss something you have not seen play out yet simply because you’re fuelled by the ‘insanity of the mob’?
If everyone leaves and WB becomes a site which only attacts hetro couples/ readers then it would still make eH lots of moola. But the silence of the pro-gay rights would mean that their message will not be heard. Silence is over rated, might as well come on this site which is popular and would make eHarmony money anyway, and shit all over their discriminatory leanings.
Money they would make = roughly the same.
Message sent across = non-discriminatory.
WB is a guilty pleasure of mine. I’m not engaged to be married. Not a bridesmaid or sister of someone’s who’s getting married. I’m just feeding my obsession for happy wedding stories and crafty diy news. Honestly I have not heard of eHarmony (I’m not from the States) and this is the first time I’m reading through their background and Focus on Family affiliations.
Same-sex marriage is not allowed where I’m from, hell, same-sex relationships aren’t exactly embraced or accepted well much. I’m Catholic but I believe that you can see God (who/whatever that is to you) in anything born out of love. I have gay & lesbian cousins in long term relationships (as well as dysfunctional ones) and I treat their SOs as part of the family but ask me if I would freak if my children are gay and I’m not sure how to reply. Like I said, I’m conflicted.
It’s hard not to help fundamentalist leaning companies ‘make money’ in a society like mine where the majority are probably more conservative in their views. It’s however, easy to help make money for companies who are pro-gay rights and easy to draw awareness to something by participating in it and being loud and proud. I understand the reservations of being loud and proud on a site which ultimately makes money for the enemy. However I’m instinctively more for keeping this vibrant diverse community alive and (excuse my language), shit all over their beliefs.
I really loved Miss GB’s posts, it made me imagine how my fav cousin’s wedding could be like if she were to get married and I’m so happy for both Mrs GBs. I think Mrs GB’s posts made people see that gay marriage is not so scary and different and untraditional. More importantly I could sense the love they have for each other, regardless of how conflicted I may feel. I believe that ‘love receptors’ are inborn and despite your leanings, you can feel it whether you like it or not. I am really gonna miss Mrs GB’s posts and if you read this Mrs GB, I wish you all the happiness this world could ever give the 2 of you.
This is probably one of the longer comments here and I apologize for the Net space I’ve taken up. Just don’t quit the race before you’ve run it. Speaking out is always more lasting than silence, especially on the Internet.
to all of you choosing to stay on to “see if it changes..”
IT HAS ALREADY CHANGED. SEVERAL BEES ARE LEAVING. COMMENTS AND POSTS ARE BEING SENSORED.
What more evidence do you need?!?!?! You won’t get it, because it will all be behind scenes. but go ahead, keep living in your fantasy land where only straight, perfect wedding details are open and uncensored.
love to everyone. this is my last.
so sad this wonderful obsession was sold out.
also, i would like my email and posts/replies removed as well; i want to add absolutely nothing to eharmony. if the bees could tell us all how…
I’m so upset right now, I can’t put my feelings into something that would look even slightly as eloquent as most of the views expressed here. So I’ll be short.
I’m not coming back. There are more important things than fancy table numbers and which caterer we’ll choose.
To those who go on about the bible, I fantasize about the day, when you meet ‘the maker’, or ‘god’, or whomever, and he tells you the bible was written by A MAN, or several men, then translated into another language, and another language, and then altered over the course of many years. Think about that the next time you quote this book as the gospel word of some divine being.
To Mrs. Bee - I’m sure this decision came with a fat paycheck. And you were probably tired of all of the work that went into this, and to a certain extent, of the site and responsibility. You’ve sold the site, and you’ve told us and yourself that you’ll still maintain some control. And you still love the site, I totally believe that. But over time, you’ll exact less and less of your control, you’ll become more and more passive, and you’ll move on in your life and enjoy the fruits of your labor, or the spoils so to speak. And I might have done the same thing.
But with all due respect, please don’t feed us all of this stuff about Wedding Bee remaining the same and all of that crap. It won’t. It already isn’t. Look at the comments. It will start with small changes here and there, ones that you agree with or think are neat, or hey that seems like a good idea, and you’ll soon find yourself rolling or falling down that slippery slippery slope. Be honest with yourself, and be honest with the folks that looked to Wedding Bee for inspiration.
I saw this site as a happy marriage of the knot and offbeat bride - the good parts from each only. Not that there are many ‘bad parts’ to the offbeat bride.
blah. I’m upset, and all over a website, and that sounds kind of silly, but hey, I visited almost daily. and it meant a lot to me it seems. We’ll see how they edit my comments.
Hey guys,
I haven’t defended the numerous attacks on Weddingbee and my character in these comments because on this post particularly, I want to focus on listening.
But I do want to clarify two things.
No comments were edited — we never edit comments other than to delete spam.
Also, the posts by the Bees were not (and will never be) edited by eHarmony. I did work with some of the Bees to clarify confusing statements, and to make sure it was clear when something was opinion versus fact. All edits were approved by the bloggers before they went up. Miss Cream Puff preferred not to make any clarifying edits, so her post went up without a single edit.
eHarmony did see the posts before they went up, so they could prepare their response. I thought it was only fair to allow a response? It did take longer than I had hoped to get the response published, which contributed to the delay in getting this announcement up. I feel awful about the delay…
I’ve noticed that a few people have interpreted Mrs. Gingerbread’s comment as suggesting that eHarmony edited the posts. That was definitely not the case, so I just wanted to clear that up.
Thanks,
Bee
I’ll still be reading the site regardless of what happens. To me this site is first and foremost a wedding planning site with fantastic personalities, ideas and projects, and not a forum for political discussion and debate. For those of you who have accused Mrs. Bee of “selling out” or for those who have made very similar disparaging remarks, please respect her decision, just as she’s respected yours to leave.
I am saddened that Mrs. Bee chose to sell this site to a corporation with such discriminatory practices. I wish she had held out for an offer from a matching site with values and morals. This blog gets so much traffic, I’m sure other corporations would be interested.
I think I will be pulling my google reader subscription. Sad… I really loved it here.
I think it was nice that eHarmony opened themselves up to this whole post and people’s input.
I think it would be a shame for people to leave the site when you are still doing the posts. I don’t see why they would leave when the same person is running it. It sounds like overall eHarmony would be a good match for your site.
It has been months since my own wedding, but I came online today to get info to send to my recently engaged friend. Sadly, I will not be passing on my endorsement of this site. During the year of our engagement, I truly found a friend in this website. Separated by lots of miles from my family and bridesmaids during the planning process, it was amazing to have a community of brides here to learn from and share with. I was a 10x daily visitor and had a hard time cutting the addiction post-wedding. Mrs. Bee, what an amazing thing you created here! All of that said, I agree with much of what has been written above. I think my initial reaction to the site would have been different had I known it was corporate owned. And I know I would not have become a member of the community if it had been owned by a company like eHarmony. I strongly support the rights of our LBGT friends to fully enjoy marriage and all of its privileges. I cannot support a company that does not share those values, with money or time or clicks. Mrs. Bee, I am so thankful for all you have done to create this community, and I am truly sorry to add to the negative response. However, this will be my last visit to the website and I will not be sharing my enthusiasm for Weddingbee with engaged friends any longer. Best wishes to all of you Bees!
In the past I have been a VERY active reader and commenter, but I haven’t been visiting Weddingbee lately due to a complete lack of ‘internet fun time’ b/c of commitments regarding the upcoming election.
I only learned about the sale b/c I subscribe to one of the Bee’s personal blog.
Having met Bee IRL and corresponded with her, I can tell you that she is a lovely person. I’m sure she did not make this decision lightly and I wish her only the best.
Nor did I make my decision to discontinue reading lightly. I had hoped to return to regular reading and posting after 11/4, but now feel in good conscience I cannot.
But I will say that the one bright spot in this is that I won’t be subjected to reading any more nasty posts from you two. Of ALL the comments on this issue, yours are in a whole separate category. Others have been expressing their heartfelt opinions while you two are gleefully calling out others solely to be bitchy.
Do you think you are making Bee proud with your vile pettiness?
I, too, was unaware of the full extent of eHarmony’s involvement in organizations with which I have a moral objection.
However, I must admit I feel quite conflicted. As a member of the GLBTQ community, I would like to see society at large treat me as a whole person and not judge me on the basis of my GLBTQ status. That is only a part of who I am.
So I wonder if refusing to support Weddingbee further is, for me, viewing Weddingbee on the basis of one defining characteristic instead of enjoying the labor of love that has gone into this site for what it is. I do not want to be recognized and supported, or not, only by one defining factor of my self and I do not want to treat others that way, either.
I have not decided if I will continue to visit Weddingbee.
@beanchar:
I cannot speak for Melissa, but as for myself, please note where I was vile? By pointing out the painful truth that a lot of what has taken place over the last 48 hours was a charade?
“Of ALL the comments on this issue, yours are in a whole separate category. Others have been expressing their heartfelt opinions while you two are gleefully calling out others solely to be bitchy.”
Scroll up honey. This statement alone shows me that clearly you have not read all the comments here. If you think what we said is nasty, you should surf the Internet more. There have been accusations here made about Mrs. Bee and her character that far out-vile anything I’ve said. But you go on thinking that if it makes you feel better.
I’ll still be here…enjoying the wedding-y goodness.
@maureen9004: “I was upset a few months ago to read someone was granted the privilege of being a “bee” a few months ago who hadn’t received a proposal as of that time, yet had begun wedding planning. It felt a little forced for me, and I truly mean no disrespect to anyone. I know this bee talked it over with her husband to be, but what kind of message does that send to single women who view this site because it has great interesting content and is well written?”
I would think that it sends the message that you can still be engaged and planning a wedding if you’ve discussed it(and set a date) with your husband-to-be even if you haven’t received a diamond ring or had a fancy proposal….
Some people never receive an official proposal or a ring at all but are still engaged.
@ Melissa and Zeena…..so snarky. If you don’t care if people are leaving or not (or you just want them to hurry up and leave), stop reading the posts in the area. Why don’t you move on?
@LLKFSU:
The snark-factor was raised when people started people started bad-mouthing Mrs. Bee.
I’m a weddingbee reader, therefore I always continue to monitor comment threads of posts I’m interested in. This happens to be one of them. Don’t see what’s wrong with that considering I never made an announcement of my departure. Unfortunately, that is not the case for some others…
I think it’s sad that people have turned this into a religious/social/political debate.
I get that Eharmony carries with it some negative connotations for some, but I have read comments where people are getting attacked for their religious beliefs (Miss Avocado), I’ve seen Obama’s name dropped on several posts, and poor Mrs. Bee who is just sitting back and taking it.
I think this needs to stop.
I don’t come here to read about how awesome Obama is or about the Christian/Jewish/any other faith.
I think all the bees have given great insight on their weddding process that have helped countless brides out there and that’s awesome.
I’ll be glad when the focus of this blog shifts back to those things instead of this nonsense.
Words cannot express how thankful I am to all the bees that posted here throughout my readership. Your posts were wonderful, and I’m so glad I had weddingbee as a resource for my own planning. However, I can no longer support or refer this site. The intimate community has been shattered, and the diversity I loved will probably quickly evaporate. Can you imagine any more LGBTQ brides being willing to blog here? Neither can I. Sadly, I don’t think my (or anyone else’s) leaving will do much to hurt eHarmony, nor will my staying effect anything for that company. That being said, I have chosen not to continue my readership.
Congrats and good luck to Mrs. Bee.
I’m sad that a website that claims to celebrate diversity would choose to pair with a website that refuses to service people who don’t fit their ideal. I loved Weddingbee while I was wedding planning, and I love to “relive” it through all the brides’ posts on here, but I have to side with the Gingerbreads (and numerous other readers) on this one. Weddingbee has partnered with a website that has chosen to seclude people, which is an alarming decision for a site that claims to be open-minded, so I can’t continue to support Weddingbee with my readership until everyone is given the same level and amount respect on the site with which you choose to associate. I’ve loved my time following and reading about all of the Bees on here, and I’m sorry that it will end. I wish you all the best, and I hope that we can soon celebrate everyone’s relationships together.
Mrs. Bee, thank you so much for having created and carefully cultivated such a lovely site & supportive community. I really think Weddingbee was phenomenal–I’ve never seen such a universally polite & positive community online (not to mention the super creative content)!
It’s been a wonderful addiction, and I’ve introduced new readers to my fav online drug & even supported your advertisers until now. It makes me *truly sad* to contemplate giving up this community because of a conflict with a corporation–afterall, how can a corp. own a community? Simple answer: It profits through the community’s existence.
I don’t want to support eHarmony with something even as small as my clicks. I hope that eHarmony changes their stance on LGBT issues, and realizes the path to equality IS indeed profitable.
For now I’ll follow my favorite bees on their own sites. And I hope to (somehow) hear about Mrs. Bee’s future endeavors. I know that the Bee fam can succeed at whatever they start and I’d be *so happy* to hear about a new, independent startup (BabyBee, anyone?). Until then…
Mrs. Bee:
WHY? Seriously. I know that sometimes we must make difficult decisions but WHY EH? I understand that you needed more time and better resources but what made you think that selling out to such a company would not offend your readers? Were we even part of the decision making? How amazing was the $$$ that was placed afront you that you were able to forget that your readers are amazingly intelligent, open-minded, and forward-thinking? Would you have thought twice if it had been an organization seeded deeply in racism, sexism, or religious intollerence? Would you have thought twice if it were a company which was heavily linked to other such controversial topics? At what point did you say to yourself that it was okay to justify such a company? Don’t you realize that this site is successful not only by your blood, sweat, and tears…. but also by the amazingly generous contributions of your readers and bloggers (most of which are so very tolerant and forward thinking)? I understand the need to expand and diversify… but at what cost?
How much was it Bee? At what cost did you sell out your integrity?
While I think it is important to stand for what you believe in, putting others down is not right. Lets go back to grade school, if you do not have anything nice to say, then do not say anything at all!
It is sad a lot of readers and Bees are leaving… everyone is entitled to their own opinion but when religion/politics are involved, sadly feelings get hurt and people are offended. I will remain a faithful reader on this site!!!
Hey guys - we respect each person’s choice to make their own decision about whether to stay or go.
That said, we did notice some rumors in the comments, - so Bee wrote a post to clear some of them up:
http://www.weddingbee.com/2008/10/05/rumors/
Ugh! I am gone for a week and look what happened. I am so deeply sad that I will have to discontinue my reading of this site. This was one wedding site that I truly applauded as I saw it grow and embrace all people. Mrs. Gingerbread, I was so happy to see you join the hive! I will continue reading at your personal site, and I have bookmarked all the Bees who gave their personal site.
I never expected to see such hate and discrimination at weddingbee. For all you commenters saying that you love LBGTQ people and they are your best friends, BUT you cannot support their lifestyle, own your comments. It is from such a privileged place that you make such a comment. Just remember karma…especially if you find yourself belonging to some other marginalized group. (hmm…aren’t the majority of you women???)
Peace.
After reading all of these whining posts about the sell of the website, I felt the need to say, ‘Stop whining and crying. It’s only a website. No need for such drama.’ A great website, but still…Is it worth all this fuss and upset and foot stomping and slamming of doors and criticism of Bee at this exact moment…Not really.
Also, after reading all the posts from all the people complaining about eHarmony and posting their pro-gay marriage views on Gay Marriage and bashing Bee for selling the site and bashing people who are not pro-gay marriage(I mean, there were at least a hundred posts like that on this thread before I posted once), while this isn’t a political or religious site, I felt the need to chime in and take up for what I believe too and stand up for the people who feel the same way on this issue who were being bashed by people who claim themselves to be open minded -but only if you believe what they believe- (admittedly, it seems silly for this thread to go into such a tail-spin on a meaningless thread in a tiny part of the internet just because someone sold their website and people decided to leave for whatever reason). I feel strongly that if an exchange of ideas is to happen, then people need to be open to all view points, not just the ones that match their own. People and issues aren’t so black and white that you can say that ALL people must believe a certain way on all issues or you can come to X conclusion about them–If you believe X, you’re good. If you believe Y, you’re a bad and closed minded person. Issues like the sell of this website, gay marriage, and people’s attitudes on most things are more complex and layered, and the people here–whether liberal or conservative or in the middle–are more complex than a stereotype. This goes for both sides on this or any other issue.
Sorry if I was flip in my earlier posts. This will all blow over on this site soon enough, and it will all be forgotten–Heck, this page is already buried. So, who cares, really?
I don’t think anyone here wants to see any other person suffer or have a terrible life or anything. No one here wishes anyone else ill will–I certainly don’t. There are just many of us on both sides of this debate that don’t agree. I guess we’ll see how things shake out over time.
But in the meantime, this is a wedding site. So, for me, it’s back to my routine of checking out great wedding stuff that the wonderful bloggers on WB have posted.
To Mrs., Mrs. and BIL Bee - thank you for all your hard work!! I will continue to support your site.
*Mrs., Mr., and BIL Bee
I’m not too sure if we (accepting of all love peeps) need to worry too much about the Christian invasion - as it sounds like they are too busy eating each other to bother trying to shut us up. (It’s a little embarrassing really.) Just Sayin’.
Whatever anyone says, I know that most of the people here who believe in God can believe that He is a God of love. He is the ultimate judge, nothing any of us says matters, because ultimately, God judges our actions and decisions.
Whether I agree with same-sex marriages or not, is my personal choice. God will deal with me on that, not anyone else. Its heartbreaking to see the anger and the snide comments…
whats the point of supporting same-sex marriages when you are sitting here bashing people who do not support it.. that in itself is bigotry, because EVERYONE HAS A RIGHT TO THEIR OWN OPINION. GET OVER IT. no matter what, everyone will not agree on everything.
@Mrs Creampuff- please don’t ever compare the Holocaust to this… I am so offended… being Jewish does not give us the right to make outrageous blanket statements.
BEE- thanks so much for all ur hard work, and i support you 100%
Wow. Admittedly, I haven’t been connecting with Weddingbee much as I’m more than a year out from my wedding and wrapped up in all the details of life that I can fully enjoy now that I’m not obsessed with finding that perfect shade of pink That said, though this topic is “old” to Weddingbee now, I felt it necessary to share my thoughts.
First, a hearty congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Bee for the sale! I know what a labor of love Weddingbee has been and I cannot think of people who truly deserve a break more than them.
The subject of marriage is intensely personal to all of us here (obviously). Though I am a heterosexual woman in a “traditional” marriage, I am a very strong supporter of the LGBTQ community and LGBTQ issues. While I am glad for Mr. and Mrs. Bee, I am incredibly disheartened to hear that the purchasing company is eHarmony. It is easy for eHarmony to say now that they do not have ties to Focus on the Family, but the problem is that for at least 5 years (if the dates posted by Mr. Bee in the Rumors thread are true), there was an overlap between the founding of eHarmony and business ties to FotF. I do not support FotF’s position on marriage equality, women’s rights, and abortion issues. Additionally, a blatant refusal to match same sex couples is loathsome to me. I understand the tenets of capitalism and acknowledge that eHarmony has the right to make decisions they believe to be profitable. Other (unsympathetic) commenters should also realize that consumer response, including the negative, is an essential part of free market economics.
Mr. Pearl and I are in an interracial and interfaith marriage and despite other posters’ reticence to compare gay marriage issues with anti-miscegenation laws, I do not really see any way you can separate the two. These are both very important civil rights issues and I hope in 40 years, our progeny will look back at us now and think we are backwards fools for not supporting something as fundamental as marriage rights for all, the same way we look back at anti-miscegenation statutes now.
For commenters who bring up corporations that are not responsible corporate citizens and claim they do as much harm (or more) than eHarmony, you’re right. There are other companies that do not do the right thing either. However, please do not assume that everyone supports these companies. I, and many others I know, have made conscious decisions not to support companies such as Walmart, Nike, and others who demonstrably and unrepentantly exploit workers both here and abroad. It can be difficult to parse out the relationships at times and give up things that one needs from certain companies, but Weddingbee is a form of entertainment, not an essential product (though we all do love it so)!
While my decision to not blog for Weddingbee would be pointless as I no longer blog for the site, I cannot in good conscience continue to refer others I know to this site. I wish Mr. and Mrs. Bee all the best and continued personal and professional success. Unfortunately, I do not believe that eHarmony is a site that I can, in good conscience, support and uphold.
For those bloggers who have also chosen to cease contribution to Weddingbee, you have my utmost respect for sticking to your word and acting as an advocate for the LGBTQ community.
I would just like to say for all the bees and readers who are leaving that before following weddingbee I was not a huge advocate of LGBT (i’m not going to lie, it took me like 5 minutes to figure out what that stood for!) I respected them, had a few friends that may lean that way, and never had anything against anyone who chose to live that way, but that wasn’t me or any of my friends and I sure didn’t condone that behavior. I followed Mrs. Gingerbread’s wedding blog on here and saw how much they cared for each other and how they had a wedding and had ideas like any other couple would. They gave me a new perspective that I never EVER would have seen otherwise. I would never have even started reading her blog if it had not been on this website with all the other blogs. I think its very sad that so many people are set so strongly against e-harmony that they would not share their ideas with the rest of us sheltered or unexposed southerners who don’t come across things like this very often. I’m from the south, I’ve never known anyone who had a same sex marriage, and never even put much thought into it. So for everyone who says that by blogging about their relationships on this site doesn’t change anyone’s perspective or change the world in a little way is wrong. I’m sure I”m not the only little southern girl who feels this way.
Hi there,
I’m not sure if anyone is still following the comments on this post, but I just wanted to share that for the time being, I have decided to continue blogging for Weddingbee. I have really enjoyed being a bee and having the opportunity to share my journey and inspire other brides. I also cherish the community that has been created around this site. And another small thing but important to me nonetheless, I want to be able to publicly share what an amazing job some of my vendors did for me, as that is the least I can do to thank them for their wonderful services! However, these are only some of the reasons why I have decided to continue. I have been thinking through everything in light of the recent events and wanted to share my thought process.
Before I start, I did want to mention that as a Christian, it has been difficult to read some of these comments. I am a big fan of speaking only from your own direct experience as opposed to making generalizing statements, and it is something I always try to remember. But I do understand where everyone is coming from.
While this may or may not be the time and place, I wanted to share that I think the issue of same sex marriage is one that so many people wrestle with. I believe in equal rights for everyone and that Jesus Christ calls us to love everyone. I absolutely cannot stand it when certain pastors or Christians out there preach a message of hate. At the same time, I struggle with how to best support my LGBTQ friends (including those who are Christians).
While there are still many details I am working through in terms of where I stand, what I am firm about is that all I am called to do is to love others. It is not for me to judge and I do not intend on doing so. I do personally believe that God intended marriage to be between a man and a woman. But “marriage” may have different meanings, in terms of the legal and religious side. And as far as the legal aspect goes, at least where I am right now, I do support equal rights for all. While by the very nature of being a Christian, I do hope that others will come to have an awesome relationship with God in the way that I’ve been blessed to have, and I hope they may be drawn to that through getting to know me, through understanding my story, and through experience God’s love through me. I do not believe in imposing my beliefs on others and shoving it down their throats.
But anyway, my point is that I see it similarly in eHarmony’s case. For me, though I do have certain beliefs, I know that the right thing - for me - to do is to love and respect those around me. Similarly, eHarmony is also entitled to their own beliefs, and they have also chosen to show respect to the community too. They have stated that they welcome the exchange of different perspectives, that LGBTQ bloggers and readers are also more than welcome, and that within their own company, they have a mix of people with different sexual orientations. I feel that their statement is one that truly demonstrates a desire to preserve the Weddingbee community as it is, and I commend them for that.
Anyway, I just wanted to share what I have thought through in the last week. I respect the perspectives of everyone else, and I appreciate that you all would respect my perspective too.
But yes - I will be continuing on as a blogger :-).
Love,
Mrs. Daffodil
It’s been awhile, but I just wanted to apologize for blindly believing the comments about eH’s lack of inter-racial matching. I should have clearly done my research to confirm such things before re-posting it and possibly perpetuating more rumors. I can see from other people’s comments, and Mrs. Bee’s posts that that was not the case. I’m sorry.
Just noting here that eHarmony has now, as a result of a discrimination suit, started a same-sex dating site. See http://blogs.wsj.com/digits/2009/03/31/eharmonys-same-sex-dating-site-launches/
I am not sure I totally believe in the corporate commitment to same-sex relationships. At the same time, I have not experienced any personal hostility on these boards to my same-sex marriage on this forum. And that is as it should be. I do not comment if I believe that someone else’s choice of whom to marry is a bad one; I expect others to extend that same courtesy to me.
On a somewhat related matter, I would disagree with Mrs. Bee’s statements that, “I think that marriage equality is an important issue in the wedding industry. I’ve noticed that the wedding industry as a whole seems resistant to the idea – I can’t remember ever seeing a gay bride or couple in any wedding magazine or tv show. The same goes for mainstream wedding websites.” The Knot, among others, has a community for same-sex weddings–and you don’t get much more mainstream than that. The fact is that wedding sites are vendor-supported, and vendors in general like the idea of more people being able to get married and buy their services. It is time that eHarmony recognized that fact.
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Mrs. Bee, New York
Age and Occupation: 29, Weddingbee Publisher
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 33, Internet
Engagement Date: May 7, 2004
Wedding Date: March 5, 2005
Venue: Westside Loft, New York
About Me: Yes, my name really is Bee! I love my blogging, wikis, and tabasco sauce!
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