Rumors

I’ve seen a few rumors out there that are pretty disturbing.

Inter-racial matching

A few comments here and elsewhere said that eHarmony doesn’t offer inter-racial matching.

I was incredibly disturbed by this, so I called Stan to ask about it.  He confirmed that ethnicity and race has never played any role whatsoever in eHarmony’s matching system.  Never as in, never in the history of the company.

Each user on eHarmony can set their own racial preferences to whatever they want.  You can set it to match only people from your own race or ethnic background, or you can set it to match people from others as well.

Focus on the Family

Another rumor I saw is that eHarmony gives money (or has given money) to Focus on the Family.

Focus on the Family had a radio program where years ago, they profiled successful eHarmony matches.  eHarmony never paid any money to Focus on the family for this coverage.  Also, eHarmony has never donated any money to Focus on the Family.  Never, ever.

I see statements like, “[eHarmony] actively contributes to organizations that fight against the recognition of LGBT rights and commitments” and I am not sure how to respond!  eHarmony has never contributed any money to Focus on the Family, or bought any advertising from them.

I’m not trying to defend eHarmony.  I realize that some of you have opinions about the company that aren’t going to change no matter what.  That’s okay.  I just wanted to make sure that the facts are out there.

Weddingbee Editing

One final rumor sprung up just in the past few days.  I read on an outside blog that “the eHarmony PR team appears to be copy-editing comments on the WeddingBee blog.”

This is simply not true *sigh*.  I posted a comment on my earlier post clarifying this, but that outside blog posted their story just a few hours ago… so I guess a new rumor is on its way.

It sounds like this rumor started out as a misreading of one of our bloggers’ comments: “This post was a long time coming and had to be reviewed by eHarmony higher ups several times and was edited in several places.”

I’ve noticed that a few people have interpreted this comment as suggesting that eHarmony edited the posts. That was definitely not the case.

The posts by the Bees were not edited by eHarmony – only Mrs. Penguin and I edit Bee posts. I did personally work with each blogger to edit the posts, with any changes approved by each blogger.  The edits were to clarify confusing statements, and to make sure it was clear when something was opinion versus fact. They were very minor, and I would be glad to post the originals.  Mrs. Cream Puff preferred not to make any clarifying edits, so her post went up as is.

As for the posts taking a long time to be published, that’s definitely true.  eHarmony asked if they could prepare a response, so I sent them the posts so they could respond. It did take longer than I had hoped to get the response published, which contributed to the delay in getting this announcement up. I feel awful about the delay… :-(

Rumors

I know that rumors are a fact of life, and I don’t expect these rumors to go away.

I’ve had some bad experiences with rumors in the past myself.  When I was younger, I changed high schools when my family moved from LA to the suburbs.  I went on three innocent dates with a boy I met, and somehow the rumor got out that we had slept together.  Before I knew it, people were saying that I had had to move from my old school because I had to escape my “reputation”.  Other boys even told their friends that they had also slept with me.

In the two years I was there, those rumors never went away even though they weren’t true. :-( They didn’t go away until I left for college up north, in the Bay Area.

I wasn’t sure what to do then, and I am not sure what to do now.  All I can do is publish the facts, and hope that one day the truth gets out there.

Sincerely,
Bee

ps I’d like to ask that everyone treat each other with respect – both in the comments, and out there in the blogosphere!  I’ve seen some personal attacks in the comments, and also heard that some people have sent not-so-nice notes to Bees that have left.  Please don’t do that.

I ask that you treat each and every person – whether they be a blogger or a commenter – with dignity and respect.  I have not been deleting personal attacks like I would normally be doing, because I don’t want people to think that we are censoring comments.  But please be nice to each other!  I would greatly appreciate it. :)

BLOGGER

Mrs. Bee

Location:
New York
Wedding Date:
March 5, 2005

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comments

  1. Guest
    soontobeewed, Guest @ 11:09 am

    Congratulations to both of you for the sale of weddingbee after all of the hardwork you have put into the site for so many years! Conflict always results with change, most people don’t like change and most people have strong views about pretty much everything. Rumors will always be spread by careless words…I hate them as much as you do. Regardless of negative comments and feedback you get, you should both know that what you have accomplished is a great thing and weddingbee will continue to grow and expand and attract new readers every day. I will definitely continue to support and recommend weddingbee to all my friends and clients!

  2. Member
    Mrs. Lovebug 712 posts, Busy bee @ 11:14 am

    @Mrs. Ant – actually, the comment to which Mrs. Bee referred above was Mrs. Gingerbread’s? For the record, my own statement was that the post underwent a great deal of scrutiny from both sides (which, as Mrs. Bee has acknowledged, was part of what accounted for the time lapse between public and private announcements).

  3. Guest
    Mrs. Cherry Pie, Guest @ 11:26 am

    Thank you for this post, Bee! I’m glad its helped to clear some things up. I was feeling pretty uncomfortable with the direction the comments on the other post were heading.

    I’m still unhappy with eHarmony’s LGBTQ practice/policy/whatever, but I am very glad that you clarified the truth of other accusations.

  4. Member
    Mrs. Bee 3235 posts, Sugar bee @ 11:27 am

    @Mrs. Lovebug: just to clarify – the delay was not due to scrutiny. what i stated was that the cause for the delay in between the private announcement to the bees and the public announcement to the readers was due to eHarmony preparing their response to the bees’ posts.

  5. Guest
    Starry-Eyed Barefoot Bride, Guest @ 11:29 am

    Yeah for clarification! I was already optimistic enough and placing enough trust in the Bee Fam to stick around as a reader (and bee-wannabee ;) but I am THRILLED to hear the clarification about Focus on the Family. I actually knew nothing about them before this whole hulabaloo, but am not a fan after recent explanations of some of their teachings. I think being so anti-eHarm for their past association is a little narrow minded. Plenty of normal, level headed, animal friendly people are/used to be members of PETA… doesn’t mean they think tossing paint on people (or any of the other extreme PETA acts) is ok! I too believe that eHarmony should offer same sex matching, but its not my company!
    Mr. Bee – bravo for stepping in to eloquently handle comments and posts while Mrs Bee gets some rest!

  6. Member
    suzanno 2683 posts, Sugar bee @ 11:31 am

    @cassoftroy – you are quite right – back in the 60s and 70s, not only would a dating service not have matched an inter-racial couple, but many places would not have rented them an apartment, or sold them a house. I have a good friend whose parents had that problem. His mother used to go apartment shopping with their pastor, as if they went together they would be summarily dismissed.

    I think it must be pretty clear that eHarmony is not against inter-racial relationships – otherwise why would they ever have bought a site like Weddingbee? There are numerous inter-racial relationships on this site.

    I think it’s fair to give Weddingbee a chance to see whether things change with the “new management.” I fully intend to do that. And I hope that the site will continue to address issues like cross-cultural relationships, blending of families, and same-sex relationships – in a loving and supportive manner, rather than in a controversial or political manner. I believe that in general, that is how you change perceptions and prejudices – by convincing people that you are more like them than not – rather than by seeming so different that it is somehow threatening to them.

    I think that Mr. Bee and a few others have a good point though. While it’s wonderful that eHarmony is so successful, being a whole lot like your partner does not a successful marriage make. And learning the skills to make a loving relationship work – when your backgrounds are not identical or even similar – is a huge accomplishment, and I believe it is one that makes you a better person, and leads ultimately to a better world. Surrounding yourself with people just like you is comfortable, but not necessarily a path for growth. Cheers to everyone out there who has the courage and the maturity to try to be (and be with) someone a little different from them!

  7. Member
    Mrs. Lovebug 712 posts, Busy bee @ 11:45 am

    Oh, cool – thanks for clearing that up, Mrs. Bee. Things were definitely confusing there for a little while!

  8. Guest
    cassoftroy, Guest @ 12:34 pm

    @suzanno:

    I am not saying that eHarmony prohibits inter-racial matches. I don’t have any proof that they do or don’t. My point is that discrimination is discrimination. And if a company is willing to practice it against any group, it is wrong.

  9. Guest
    Mrs X, Guest @ 12:44 pm

    @Mrs. Bee: You deserves some mad props for your late night “rumor watch”. Thank you!

  10. Guest
    Mrs X, Guest @ 12:46 pm

    Ooops! That was directed to @Mr. Bee, but really, you both deserve some props! :)

  11. Guest
    sbush777, Guest @ 12:50 pm

    I also just wanted to encourage you Bee! Rumors wil die down, and Weddingbee has staying power, regardless of the changes. Thank you for staying so honest with us a readers and allowing everyone to have a say in the matter. I am glad that this issue is coming to an end! Your integrity with this whole transition has been phenomenal…don’t get down, there will always be those who have to bring down others to lift themselves up. You are doing an amazing job, keep it up!

  12. Guest
    Zoe, Guest @ 1:03 pm

    I will continue to watch Weddingbee as I’d like to see how it changes (for good or bad) under new management. Rumors are going to be hard to quell b/c it’s so hard to prove one way or the other for certain things. Like editing and eHarmony’s stance on inter-whatever relationships…unless there are stats on the couples or someone outside of Weddingbee is watching the editing process, all you can do now is say “This is untrue b/c we say so.” We shall see… :T

  13. Member
    saramari 315 posts, Helper bee @ 2:09 pm

    Thanks for all of the clarification, Mrs. Bee. I followed all of the comments last week, and I completely had the impression that the posts had been edited and that you had to bow to eHarmony’s wishes when posting them. Your clarification has really reassured me that Weddingbee really won’t change in spirit.

    That said, I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you to read all of those crazy posts and all of that hoopla. I was incensed when you announced the sale, but feel much differently after your clarifications and after some thought. The idea of censorship bothered me more than anything else, so I’m glad to hear that this isn’t the case. Thanks again! :)

  14. Guest
    MaryG, Guest @ 2:29 pm

    I guess this just goes to show that some of you were right. Some people who claimed they were done with this site, are in fact still here, reading the posts and commenting.

    Thanks for taking the time to clear up these rumors, Mrs and Mr. Bee. I’m sure all of the readers still participating in this site appreciate getting to the bottom of these rumors. Keep up the hard work and to all of the Bee’s, bring on the wedding goodness! I can’t wait to hear the details of all of the Bee’s getting married in the next few weeks.

  15. Guest
    grifen, Guest @ 5:49 pm

    Holy crap-on-a-stick what one can miss in a couple of days! I feel sad. All of this back and forth shee ite is why I left the knut. Hopefully WB will return to normal soon :(

  16. Guest
    Excited for Change, Guest @ 6:12 pm

    First I will like to say congrats on the sale of weddingbee. I am sure it must be exciting even through all this maddness.

    Also, I have to say thanks for clearing things up. I didn’t comment on all the stuff over the weekend because I was confident that Mrs. Bee will try to clarify things once she is settled in and feeling better.

    As a black womanfrom Africa marrying a latino man I was a little concerned based on what I read over the weekend (oh I read all over 500 comments and a few blogs). I was concerned mainly because I have looked forward to the day I can apply as a bee since I was hoping I can share our different cultures and how we are trying to meld both. I was worried that Weddingbee will become a reminder of some of the discrimination that my Fiance and I still face today.

    So thanks for keeping that hope alive for me because I will love to help those in same situation as me. Also, thanks for clearing the rumors. :)

    I hope the rumors and negativity die down soon. Best of luck.

    Thanks

  17. Member
    Mrs. French Bulldog 7726 posts, Bumble Beekeeper @ 6:46 pm

    Bee –
    Thank you for clarifying :)

  18. Guest
    WMforever, Guest @ 8:37 pm

    I’ve missed sooo much! I just wanted to congratulate Weddingbee! This is awesome news and something many blog owners dream of. Its sad that its caused so much controversy but I am very grateful that you are clearing up any rumors. Responsible people should research before they jump on the negativity bandwagon. It will all die down soon and weddingbee will hopefully conitnue to be the amazing resource that brides rely on!

  19. Guest
    Anna, Guest @ 4:31 am

    Okay, sorry. So eHarmony does advertise inter-racial couples. Thanks for pointing that out and catching my mistake. I think we can all agree that they should advertise MORE inter-racial couples than they are already doing though.

    I never said that Weddingbee doesn’t support inter-racial couples. I am very aware of the inter-racial couples here including Mr. & Mrs. Bee, Snowpeas, etc. I agree that the point I was trying to make should have been directed at eHarmony itself, and I have sent them my thoughts and opinions about their advertising. I just hoped they would read it here since this is obviously their site now as well.

    Anyway, I am glad that we are moving forward and I truly hope that eHarmony will see the wonderful, diverse community that is present on this site and change their marketing strategies to include everyone as well.

  20. Guest
    StefK, Guest @ 4:08 pm

    Yes, thank you for this clarifying post about the inter-racial dating thing. I regret any comments I made to previous posts that perpetuated that rumor. Good luck in the future, Bees! :)

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