Weddingbee Blog

I have a bit of a secret, which I might as well disclose before you see pictures of me sans make-up before my make-up trial. I have a disorder called trichotillomania that causes me to pull out my eyebrows. I don’t tweeze them; I actually pull the hairs out with my fingers, and a lot of the time, I don’t realize I’m doing it. Sometimes I get so focused on pulling out one specific hair that I can’t focus on other things until it is gone.

Trichotillomania, trich, TTM–whatever you wish to call it–is an impulse disorder somewhat related to obsessive-compulsive disorder. It affects more women than men and the symptoms, pulling one’s own hair out, usually starts in the teen years.

Fifteen years ago, when my eyebrows were intact

I can attest to this, as I started pulling out my eyebrows around the time I was 13. It didn’t get bad until I was around 17, however.

My senior year of high school, taken in 1999.

You can see in photos that as I get older, my eyebrows progressively get smaller.

Taken in 2004.

I don’t think I have the worst case of trich by any means. I’ve never had the urge to pull out the hair on my head, which is supposedly the most common manifestation of the disorder. I’ve never pulled out all of my eyebrows (although they have gotten quite small), and my eyebrow pulling can be covered up with some well applied make-up. However, it still makes me really self-conscious. Especially since I tend to rub my make-up off when I’m pulling at them, and every so often I will come across someone who will ask, “What happened to your eyebrows?” which puts me in an awkward position of explaining how weird I am.

As hard as I’m trying not to pull out my brows, unfortunately stress is one of the two things that makes me do it (boredom being the second), and I never realize I’m doing it until it’s too late. The more stress I have, the less eyebrows I have. It’s a direct correlation. And unfortunately planning a wedding is quite stressful at times. Mr. Fondue tries to help me realize I’m doing it (it’s Reason #51 of Why I Love Mr. Fondue), but he’s not always around.

This is one of the reasons I wanted a professional make-up artist for the wedding day. I’m pretty good at faking my eyebrows most days, but it’s hard to get them even and natural looking, so I’d rather leave it to a pro on the most photographed day of my life.

As uncomfortable as I am talking about this subject, usually when I mention it to someone, they will recount a tale of pulling out their own eyelashes or knowing someone else who pulls out their hair. This makes me feel better, since I know I’m not the only one with this unusual habit. So this post is for all the other trich-inflicted brides out there. You are not alone.

Anyone else have a strange compulsion?