Wedding Blog
I have a bit of a secret, which I might as well disclose before you see pictures of me sans make-up before my make-up trial. I have a disorder called trichotillomania that causes me to pull out my eyebrows. I don’t tweeze them; I actually pull the hairs out with my fingers, and a lot of the time, I don’t realize I’m doing it. Sometimes I get so focused on pulling out one specific hair that I can’t focus on other things until it is gone.
Trichotillomania, trich, TTM–whatever you wish to call it–is an impulse disorder somewhat related to obsessive-compulsive disorder. It affects more women than men and the symptoms, pulling one’s own hair out, usually starts in the teen years.
Fifteen years ago, when my eyebrows were intact
I can attest to this, as I started pulling out my eyebrows around the time I was 13. It didn’t get bad until I was around 17, however.
My senior year of high school, taken in 1999.
You can see in photos that as I get older, my eyebrows progressively get smaller.
Taken in 2004.
I don’t think I have the worst case of trich by any means. I’ve never had the urge to pull out the hair on my head, which is supposedly the most common manifestation of the disorder. I’ve never pulled out all of my eyebrows (although they have gotten quite small), and my eyebrow pulling can be covered up with some well applied make-up. However, it still makes me really self-conscious. Especially since I tend to rub my make-up off when I’m pulling at them, and every so often I will come across someone who will ask, “What happened to your eyebrows?” which puts me in an awkward position of explaining how weird I am.
As hard as I’m trying not to pull out my brows, unfortunately stress is one of the two things that makes me do it (boredom being the second), and I never realize I’m doing it until it’s too late. The more stress I have, the less eyebrows I have. It’s a direct correlation. And unfortunately planning a wedding is quite stressful at times. Mr. Fondue tries to help me realize I’m doing it (it’s Reason #51 of Why I Love Mr. Fondue), but he’s not always around.
This is one of the reasons I wanted a professional make-up artist for the wedding day. I’m pretty good at faking my eyebrows most days, but it’s hard to get them even and natural looking, so I’d rather leave it to a pro on the most photographed day of my life.
As uncomfortable as I am talking about this subject, usually when I mention it to someone, they will recount a tale of pulling out their own eyelashes or knowing someone else who pulls out their hair. This makes me feel better, since I know I’m not the only one with this unusual habit. So this post is for all the other trich-inflicted brides out there. You are not alone.
Anyone else have a strange compulsion?
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Share this post: Why Eyebrow Pencils are the Most Important Item in My Makeup Bag
Thank you for sharing, fondue! I’m sure it must be hard for you to keep your hands off those babies during the wedding plans! A professional makeup artist is a treat you deserve for yourself! I’m sure lots of girls like you really appreciate this post - thanks for being so revealing.
I’ve never heard of this…but NSTAR is right…from your profile pic…you can’t tell!
I have a friend who would pull out her eyelashes, they eventually stopped growing back. I can attest to eyebrow pencils being very important though. This weekend I was trimming my eyebrow hairs and I cut the “tail” of one off too short… yeah, I have half an eyebrow. Showing that even make up artists can screw up haha
Have you thought about getting permanent makeup done for your eyebrows? Both my Mom and sister have done it, and only wish they had done it sooner! Saves on time each morning, and in your case, you wouldn’t have to worry eyebrow makeup staying put during unconscious picking.
I’m not alone!! I pull out my eyebrows!!! I didn’t know it had a name. It started in high school when I was about 16. I had to start drawing them then tried my hardest to stop and then in my 20’s I did it to my head. I agree stress and boredom are the triggers! My hairstylist mentioned that I have thin hair in one part of my head I didn’t want to tell her about how I pull my hair out sometimes. I have thick hair so no one else really notices. But I catch myself at least once a day.
Fondue,
I have this as well. It started with my eyelashes when I was young and moved to my hair when I was in college. It can be really embarassing. It caused me a lot of stress leading up to our wedding. Luckily I was able to cover the areas with my hair. I still struggle with it daily. Thank you for being brave enough to come forward, it helps to know there are others out there.
I found keeping a small toy to fiddle with me at all times has helped. I love silly putty!
Your makeup artists will help a lot, as well as keeping your bridesmaids armed with the tools incase you need a touch-up.
I don’t pull out my eyebrows, but I overtweezed them in the past,and now they’re kind of funky shaped (this was way back in 7th or 8th grade and I’m a college freshman now!), not to mention they are EXTREMELY fair, so without any sort of eyebrow pencil, they are hardly there.
Thus, I pencil them in too! I have the same frustration of trying to make them look even and natural everyday! it’s so frustrating!
I know pencils are more portable, but I have had great luck with the Bare Escentuals eyebrow makeup & brush…be careful about the permanent makeup, bc when it goes wrong…you can imagine..
I don’t have trich, but when i was about 15 I decided it would be cool to shave off half of my eyebrows (the end half), so that I could then draw the ends in any way i liked. Yeah, not my brightest moment. So i have quite a few pictures like yours wherein I look strangely half-browed. Oh, how my friends laughed at me.
I do have a compulsion, though. I chew my cuticles and nails. I’ve managed to stop chewing my nails but my cuticles still look like an animal attacked them. And i do this when I’m bored.
I am a compulsive lip-licker…same triggers here and next thing I know the lips are SUPER chapped and RED and I didn’t even know i was doing it…
I’m so glad that I’m not the only one who does this. Except, I pull out my eyelashes instead of my eyebrows. It started with crappy mascara that was clumping my eyelashes and I tried to pick off. One lash led to another and before I knew it, I had no more. This has happened more then once and I thought I was just weird. I had no idea it was a disorder or that other people did it. Whew. My mom and husband have to remind me to stop picking, because I don’t even realize that I’m doing it. It’s gone from eyelashes to my lips now, unfortunately. I constantly have big scabs on my lips from picking at them. 
Glad to know a little about it. Thanks Fondue!
Er, yes, I have a few. I have minor Pica, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pica_(disorder)) which gets worse when I get low iron (anemia). I usually only get cravings for rocks, gravel, and dirt… like one would crave chocolate. For example, I would love to put a pebble in my mouth and suck on it (eewww) but I don’t actually do this, I just have a strange, mineral-deprived compulsion to.
Also, I suck my thumb in secret when I am stressed. I was born with that thing in my mouth and in 25 years, haven’t been able to kick the habit. But it doesn’t seem to hurt my teeth or my health, so I guess I can live with the embarrassment of admitting it. Call me orally fixated, but I’d rather stick that in my mouth than a cigarette any day!
My boyfriend does this! He usually has really big holes in his eyebrows, and also pulls at the hair on his head sometimes. He’s not allowed to grow a beard because after a few days it gets all patchy.
So far, the only thing that sorta helps him is stress balls. Being everywhere in reach. I assume you tried that, but if you haven’t, maybe give it a shot?
I also have that disorder! It can be so embarrassing. I dont pull my head hair either, mostly my…private hair, which I guess could be better or worse. I am so glad and proud of you for admitting this, not many people would.
My aunt and my cousin had the same problem. The mother pulled out her eyelashes and the daughter her eyebrows she had no eyebrows left.
Like Mimi, I also bite my cuticles (so that it looks like I constantly have hangnails on all of my fingers). I just googled “cuticle biting” and it seems to be a pretty common problem. I wish I could stop, though!
Thank you for sharing– look into being hypnotized- it works well for many people w/ compulsion based disorders.
Good for you for posting this!
Eyeliner is the most important item in my makeup bag;-) I’ve been pulling out my eyelashes since I was 18. I recall picking a lot at clumpy mascara in early high school, but I didn’t start pulling enough to get noticeable bald patches until freshman year of college. I, same as you, pull worse when I’m stressed so clearly I knew that planning a wedding was going to be terrible for the growth of eyelashes although I desperately wanted to look “normal” for my wedding. I thought the wedding might be enough motivation to help me greatly curtail the pulling, but no. I ended up wearing false eyelashes the day of (they had very little to adhere to of course and were constantly peeling off and irritating my eyes, but at least in photos I look “normal”).
Good luck to you and definitely get the professional makeup artist, you don’t want to be worrying about your eyebrows not looking quite right on your wedding day:-)
I have Trich. When I was 15 I started pulling out my widow’s peak. At 38, it’s MOSTLY grown in but I have a couple of not so secret patches on my head where I attack myself. I’ve tried to divert myself by keeping a pair of tweezers in my desk and pulling out the hair on my legs (I’m pretty fair and only shave my legs a couple of times a week). I think it helps but I find myself going after my head on a fairly regular basis even so. It’s so embarrassing/shameful and also, I really feel like I’m attacking myself which has so many dimensions I’m not happy about I don’t even want to get into it. I’m sorry you have to deal with it but I think it’s brave of you to write about it.
Thank you all for the supportive comments!
@Vee: I’ve actually never considered permanent make-up. I’m scared to death of needles and tattooing, so I’m not sure I’d be a good candidate. 
@Vic004 and
@mrshudson: This was the exact purpose of this post! I’m so glad I could help you and give you a name to this crazy disorder! 
@jordanje and @EDB: I try to distract myself with stuff as well. But if I have a book in my hands, I might as well just say goodbye to my eyebrows, as I will unconsciously pull as I read. It’s unfortunate, since I read A LOT less now than I used to because of it.
@cannotwait: I’ll have to try some of that. I had it used on them when I had my make-up done for a wedding a few years ago and really liked how it looked, but I have yet to get some of my own to use.
@Mimi and @briannie: Mr. Fondue does that too!
@Mrs. Cherry Pie: Wow, that’s really interesting! As weird as these disorders are, isn’t it kind of comforting to know that everyone has their own odd things about them?
@rachel: Yeah, I was hoping that I would have some incentive to stop with the wedding coming up, but so far, no such luck. My eyebrows were the smallest they’ve been in a long time for our engagement photos because I had a lot of stress at work the week before. Sometimes I just think I should wear gloves all the time.
@sunflowers: I’ve thought about trying to divert it to somewhere less conspicuous (like my legs!) but haven’t had much luck with that either. I’ve also tried hanging up a mirror in my cubicle at work so that I could catch myself messing with them, which worked somewhat, but then the mirror fell down and I haven’t put it back up yet.
Brava, Miss Fondue! By going public with it, you’ve probably done a huge thing for your own recovery. FYI this week is Trichotillomania Awareness Week. I have no doubt that you’ve probably helped some others. For those who are looking for information and support, check out the Trichotillomania Learning Center at http://www.trich.org.
I’ve had trich [scalp] since high school. After a year of little to no pulling, I just started pulling again. What worked for me in the last year:
- getting lots of physical affection from my fiance
- remembering that pulling my hair doesn’t mean that I’m lazy, undisciplined, and stupid
- being kind to and with myself when I find my hand in my hair, just gently placing my hand on the table/chair/steering wheel.
So hey, be gentle out there!
I’m always amazed at how many women I know with this compulsion! And I’m impressed and inspired that you’re open enough to talk about it on such a public forum.
Luckily my poor fingernails have suffered most of my wedding anxiety so far, but I’m also incredibly lucky to have been blessed with very thick hair, so that when I do end up pulling, it’s not as bad as it could be.
Thank you so much for this post!
Miss Cherry Pie, I’m also a longtime thumb sucker. I’m 25 and still do it. My mother was abusive (mostly verbally with a little physical thrown in every so often) and thumb sucking was like my security blanket. My husband is the first person I’ve ever dated that I was comfortable sharing this secret with. I still do it occasionally when I’m bored and tired. I’m so happy to hear there is someone else out there my age that does it!
Wow, I never thought there were so many people out there (on one blog alone) that had a similar problem. I’ve been pulling out my eyebrows for 6-7 years now… Mostly just hairs growing back in, and it’s strange how much more satisfying it is to get one with your fingers instead of using tweezers.
Thanks so much for posting this. It’s good to have a name for what it is we do, and to know that other people struggle with it every day, too.
I have trich too!! Only mine affects my eyelashes. For me it started in junior high. Sometimes they start to grow in, but I usually only have a few stubby ones So, my eyeliner is the most important item in MY makeup bag!
Tangentially, I got Lasik last week and can’t wear eye makeup for a week. Needless to say, I feel naked and paranoid until Friday.
your willingness to share is awesome. though i’ve never been diagnosed, i definitely have twinges of OCD. i CANNOT put the tv or radio volume on an odd number. i will not hesitate to ask an employee of a restaurant to turn the mounted tv up one notch. and that’s just one of my many many idiosyncrasies - you are not alone!
It’s always good to hear that I’m not alone! I started pulling my eyelashes in middle school. After pulling them all out a few times, I moved on to my head and have left my eyelashes (mostly) alone. My eyelashes were the hardest since I couldn’t hide my habit! I can’t stand looking at any of my pictures from middle school because of how funny my eyes look. Now with my head I try and put my hair up in ways that don’t allow me to pull at my favorite areas, like the back of my head.
I’m sure your makeup artist will do a wonderful job on your wedding day and no one will be able to tell!
Holy crap, I didn’t realize how common trich is. Wow!
I’ve always pulled at my hair. In ninth grade, though, I started doing it way, way, way more than ever, especially when I was bored in class and had trouble sitting still. I’d pull out the hair right at the back of my neck. Then I’d get really embarrassed about doing it in public and having clumps of hair on my desk, so I’d shove it into my bag I freaked out one day when I went into my bag for a pencil, and a GIANT clump of hair fell out- I couldn’t believe how much hair I’d pulled out. I was really freaked out by what I’d been doing.
so now, instead of pulling at the hair on my head, if I’m alone and reading, I’ll pull at hair in more “private” (as another poster called it) areas. It seems to the be the place that shows the least.
Wow, even now, I am so freaked out by how much hair I used to pull off of my head. I won’t even let myself play with my hair anymore, or touch my head, because I’m so afraid of starting again. The “private” area pulling seems to be enough.
@Mrs. Cherry Pie: @Mrs. Cherry Pie: I have the same dirt fixation. I had no idea it was anything named. As a child I would eat potting soil by the handful. When I got old, I found more acceptable means for dirt consumption, unwashed carrots fresh from the garden and a particular ice machine at a job I had on a gold course - the ice tasted like dirt. I still crave that gritty mineral taste.
I have trich as well. I started very very young and the first time anyone asked me about it was a classmate when I was around 8. I have so many bald patches in my hair that I’m embarrassed to get my hair cut which is why I only go once a year and I keep my hair long to cover up spots. I never knew this was a disorder until I saw a special on MTV. Thanks for sharing with us.
Miss Fondue, thank you so much for this post! I’m sure you see from all the comments how much this post has helped comfort and support others in similar situations. I don’t pull hairs… I pick at my skin. I pick at every little bump anywhere on my body (face especially), both in front of a mirror and away from one. For as long as I can remember, I have compulsively picked at scabs, at the skin on my scalp, at pimples (oh what a vicious cycle that becomes!), the skin on my lips, and my fingernails. Like you, I usually don’t realize I’m doing it, and it can get to the point where I can’t focus on anything else until I get that darned scab off! It is consuming. Apparently it has a name as well: Dermatillomania. Who knew? I always just thought I was gross, but you have shone a new light and given new hope to my situation. Love your gloves idea, by the way. If only I could make that work.
I have the same problem as jenndig. Mine started up in high school and simply progressed throughout college till now. Any little bump or blemish on me and I go at it- picking. It began with my arms. I don’t have the smoothest skin. But as I got older and everyday stress increased, I started attacking my face. The end results are sometimes embarrassing and not always easy to cover with makeup. And in addition to picking at my skin, I also obsess over my fingernails/cuticles. Sometimes if feels like there’s just no winning. But reading everyone’s comments makes me feel a little better and not so alone. These are actual problems and I guess there’s no need to be embarrassed about them at all! Thank you Fondou for bringing this conversation up and thank you everyone else for sharing!
not a compulsion so much as a skin issue - I was sunburned during my teens (I have really fair skin) and ever since then, I get this breakout of bumps or blisters on that side of my face when I’m stressed or sick. (sort of like a cold sore) It happened at least once a year for years and the past few years it’s slowed down to where I hardly have them. But I was terrified I’d have one on my wedding day! I was prepared with medicine and ointment just in case but thankfully, nothing appeared! So I feel your pain - it’s hard enough to worry about everything else going on and then you have to add a personal ailment to it. You are beautiful though and you will look great!!
I’m so glad you guys feel comfortable sharing your stories as well! One of the great things about Weddingbee is that it is one big support group. Thank you all!
I use to do the same thing to both my eyebrows and lashes when I was younger. Luckily, it stopped but I still have to color my eyebrows in since they’re really really fair/light colored. It’s definitely a pain! I’ve thought about cosmetic tattooing but I feel like it’s still so recent and thus not very reliable. =/
I have the exact same problem! I’m also getting married, and I haven’t used eyebrow pencils, I always was afraid it would look fake but I’m going to have to try it! Thanks for sharing!
[...] No additional make-up had been added, although I thinned out my eyebrows a little bit (going from practically non-existent to extremely full was a little much for me). Also note that this picture was taken after I bawled [...]
I am right there with you! For me it’s scalp (mostly right behind my left ear) and eyebrows (used to be eye-lashes too, but I think I’ve stopped that now). Eyebrow pencils are a lifesaver, and since I have dark eyebrows it’s easier to color match. My hair is a constant source of irritation to me though, because since I pull hair out when it grows back shorter I always have a bunch of little fly-aways, and the part right behind my left ear always flips up because it is so short. Ugh. It is nice to know that we aren’t alone out there. But don’t worry, professional makeup artists are great at fixing problems like this, whether it’s your hair or your eyebrows or your lashes. A good MUA (makeup artist) will make you look completely natural and lovely. I can’t wait to see you makeup trial.
Here’s my nerdy response. Trich is very common and also very treatable. If you do want to stop, you should find a therapist who practices cognitive-behavioral therapy. Trich usually develops as an effective way to cope with anxiety and a therapist can help you decrease that behavior and replace it with positive coping methods!
@angie: I’m sorry, as someone who has struggled with trich for 15 years, I have to disagree. Trich is not “very treatable”. As a matter of fact, it’s one of the most difficult behaviors on the OCD spectrum to learn to control. Comments like yours trivialize how difficult this disorder is to live with and cope with. It is not just a bad habit. I have been through years of therapy, including cognitive behavior therapy, biofeedback treatments, and plenty of talk therapy. I’ve been on upwards of 10 combinations of psychiatric drugs. Everyone is different, and everyone responds to different types of treatments, so please do not suggest that anyone with trich can just go to a CBT therapist and be cured. It’s rarely that easy.
[...] already told you about my eyebrow issues and my cosplay hobby. You must be wondering, “How much weirder can Miss Fondue [...]
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Miss Fondue, Nashville
Age and Occupation: 27, Technical Analyst
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Network Admin Student/Senior Game Advisor
Engagement Date: December 25, 2007
Wedding Date: May 2009
Blogging Since: September 14, 2008
Venue: Ravenwood Golf Club
About Me: I’m your average computer geek marrying a gaming geek and trying to find a good balance of elegance and geek chic in our wedding. I adore The Sims, Nintendo, cosplay, (good) music, TiVo, theme parks, and our two crazy felines.
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