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I thought we had our officiant in the bag.
Early on in our wedding planning, Mr. Martini expressed that he had a specific person in mind when it came to who would preside over the ceremony. He became close with this person at the church he attended during college, and although it has been years since they’ve spoken, this man held a special place in Mr. Martini’s heart and he wanted to reconnect with him. Of course, I agreed.
Over the next few weeks Mr. Martini did give him a call, caught up on the last 10 years, and eventually met for dinner. Unfortunately when Mr. Martini popped the big question about whether he would be kind enough to preside over our ceremony, he found that he was not ordained and is currently serving as a counselor at his church.
We were sad that he could not marry us, but excited that he will be able to witness our marriage as a guest after losing touch for 10 years. But now we had another issue. Who was going to seal the deal for us?
Mr. Martini felt just a tad bit uncomfortable with a pastor that was the same age or younger than him, and I respected that, so that left out a couple of our alternate options. When I filled my dad in on our dilemma, he wanted us to ask his church’s head pastor, but I was dead set against having a Korean speaking ceremony and did not feel comfortable repeating my vows from someone who wasn’t very fluent in English.
Then my dad suggested a bilingual ceremony and having two pastors speak. The Youth Group pastor in his church is fluent in English, and my dad thought he would be a perfect fit for the vow segment of the ceremony. But I wasn’t sure I liked the idea - I’ve never met this person and not only was he much younger than Mr. Martini, he was also younger than me.
I might come off as seeming a little bit picky, but I felt that the officiant would have one of the most important positions on our wedding day. I mean, he’s going to MARRY us. His words, “I now pronounce you husband and wife” are going to change our lives forever. We also chose not to get married in a church despite protests (our reason for this had nothing to do with religion - we just preferred not to ask guests to travel between two locations), and in exchange we promised to have a “church” wedding without the actual church. Therefore, I wanted a great speaker who was going to make the ceremony meaningful, yet fun. It would have been nice to have someone who at least knew one of us personally. But since we don’t attend church at the moment, it’s been a little tough finding a pastor so far.
How did you, or will you, choose the person who will marry you?
My FFIL, who is a pastor, will actually marry us, which makes the ceremony that much more meaningful to us!!!
Good luck finding someone!!
What about going with your original option but just offering to pay the fee to have him legally ordained? He still has the spiritual and emotional connection with your hubby’s past and seems like a great person - and I don’t think the fee is too high & can be taken care of online.
Good luck!
It was also very important to us! My sister had a lovely wedding, in a beautiful historic chapel, but the officiant “came with” the chapel and I remember thinking that the ceremony was so generic that it really sounded like he didn’t even know them. I knew that I wanted something completely different - an officiant that we really could connect with, who would base the ceremony on the two of us, and our relationship and hopes for the future. We went through five potential officiants before finding the one we knew was right - who was a retired pastor, the friend of a coworker, and whom we met only because I was telling the story one day at lunch of how we had everything else lined up but nobody to actually marry us. I was actually worried that maybe he was a little too old - but by the end of the first hour we spent with him, we knew he would be perfect.
Hey Miss Martini! We’re also having a hard time finding a pastor. Our wedding locale is 4 hours away from us and the people we were interested in all clearly said they only married couples who were either members of their church or have completed pre-marital counseling with them. I understood, but still feel frustrated. But have no worries…I’m sure it will ALL come together beautifully!
I second Becky’s idea! Or, what about having him perform the ceremony and the Koren pastor sign the marriage license?
We’ve asked my fiance’s great-uncle (he’s a judge) to perform the ceremony for us. Not sure if it will be legal (we’re getting married in Washington state, he’s a judge in Nevada) but if it isn’t, we’ll like have FI’s sister get ordained online and she can sign the marriage license for us.
my officiant called 10 minutes after she was supposed to arrive saying she was lost. when she did arrive, she had a she-mullet and a bit of a stutter (someone else did our rehearsal). she managed to screw up the very simple reading we had picked and she rushed through the ceremony, making it only 8 minutes long. she left approximately 3 minutes after the ceremony. i’ll tell you this, none of that mattered. it was still the most magical day of my life. husband and i have even more to laugh about for the rest of our lives.
I kind of felt weird about it, but we hired someone through an officiant service. I wasn’t sure what to expect, since we never met face to face before the wedding, but she was wonderful! They had set ceremonies to choose from, or components and you could basically mix and match to create it or add in some of your own. We ended up choosing some and adding some of our own and it was wonderful.
Our best friend, from the Laguna Beach wedding, is marrying us. He’s a yoga teacher, too and has a really great delivery to an audience. I can’t wait!
What about using the two-officiant approach with the older Korean pastor and your FI’s friend doing the vows? My brother and SIL had a similar arrangement, and it worked well.
Finding the officiant was surprisingly an issue for us as well. Everyone had an opinion… sigh. We had a judge officiate our wedding, which was so easy! It doesn’t work for couples who want a religious ceremony, but we loved it.
My (now) husband and I went with the “have a friend get ordained” approach for our wedding in Pennsylvania. We did not get married in a church (his family is not religious at all) but we wrote our ceremony to “feel” like a church wedding in many ways and in the end everyone (even my skeptical mother!) loved it and many people told it was one of the most emotional ceremonies they’ve ever witnessed. A lot of that had to do with having someone who knew us so well perform the ceremony, so I think there’s a lot to be said for that (and I believe that the ordination fee was only like $40 - less than a marriage license!)
I’ve seen a lot of two-officiant weddings, and as long as everyone knows what his or her job is, it works great. It probably takes tighter scripting than just going by the book, but that allows you to personalize more, too.
We are going to be using my former Youth Group leader (who is now a pastor at church he started). I am personally so excited to have him officiate our service because he was a big part of my teenage years. We are also having a “church” wedding not inside a church, which was a big deal to my Mom. She was thrilled when I said we were asking my former Youth Group leader.
I’m with Becky and Emily… couldn’t you get him ordained for the day?
My ffil is a baptist preacher and we are getting married in a catholic church. To accommodate us, our priest split up the ceremony so he could do half. FFIL is doing the opening prayer, the reading, the reflection and group vows. Our priest will be doing our vows, and the rite of marriage and all the business at the end. They both have parts and everyone seems to be happy about the setup, especially us. Maybe you could have the family friend involved like that.
Luckily, My fiance is the assistant pastor of our church and his good friend is the pastor. Even though he is the same age as he is, we instantly thought of him. I had a complicated time because BOTH of my grandfathers are pastors. Asking one or the other of them to marry us would be unfair to the other. Not to mention, our pastor also comes with an awesome church lol.
My fiance actually is a youth minister, so there were several of his friends (including my FBIL) that we could have chosen. We chose someone who knew both of us separately prior to when we started dating, and knows us together. It’s great because he knew us separate and together; he says that we’re just better together. It’s something really unique that he can work into our ceremony. I second the suggestion of a two-officiant wedding (we were considering that at one time). You could use your friend and your dad’s pastor (and he can sign the license). Or you could pay for your friend to get licensed through the state (I think it was only like $50 in my state when my fiance go his).
a longtime family friend, who is also a judge, is marrying us 
This was something kind of at the end of our top priorities because neither of us attend church or had anyone in mind.
Until the thought of getting my Dad ordained… my Dad is my guardian angel and the most influential person in my life. We just need to figure out how to get him ordained now.
I am not sure that everyone realizes this, but in most cases, getting ordained isn’t as easy as just paying up for membership in the ordained club. For most religions, once you have completed the required studies, you need to pass ordination exams and then in some religions you STILL aren’t ordained until you have a call. Getting ordained over the internet is great for friends, but if someone has already been ordained, it might seem inconsiderate to suggest they can just get ordained again online.
Mr Corn and I were married by my sister; an ordained Presbyterian minister with two years of seminary, a summer of grueling ordination exams and 9 years as a solo pastor under her belt.
My dad is going to officiate at our wedding, actually. He married both my older brothers, and I decided it would be more meaningful to me for my dad to do the ceremony than to walk me down the aisle–which will be done by my godfather, who I’m really close to, and who has no kids.
If you guys really wanted this guy, what if you had a non-legally-binding religious ceremony followed by a small civil ceremony at a JoP the next day?
We hired a judge like 2 days before the wedding. It was so stressful to not know who was going to do it that close to the wedding. It felt like nice neutral groud for both of us and he let us choose what he would read. It turns out that he and my grandpa knew eachother a long time ago. Kind of cool!
Good luck Martini! I know how stressful it is!
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Mrs. Martini, New Jersey Age and Occupation: 30, Telecom by day, Superhero by night Fiance's Age and Occupation: 32, Investments & Finance by day, Hip hop dancer by night Engagement Date: May 24, 2008 Wedding Date: March, 2009 Blogging Since: August 18, 2008 Venue: The Venetian About Me: Things that make me happy: Haribo Happy Cola gummies, TV shows on DVD, buying books although I never read them, 80’s rock ballads, ramen, and of course Mr. Martini! He is the calm, logical and number crunching finance guy. I can’t even multiply double digit numbers in my head and I am so indecisive that trying to choose between light green or slightly lighter green paper stresses me out (Wedding planning is going to be soooo much fun). We both find great joy in nabbing great seats at the movie theater for a blockbuster movie on opening weekend, and we are both absolutely crazy about snowboarding. And he loves to cook, I love to eat!
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