Finding Someone to Marry You.

I thought we had our officiant in the bag.

Early on in our wedding planning, Mr. Martini expressed that he had a specific person in mind when it came to who would preside over the ceremony. He became close with this person at the church he attended during college, and although it has been years since they’ve spoken, this man held a special place in Mr. Martini’s heart and he wanted to reconnect with him. Of course, I agreed.

Over the next few weeks Mr. Martini did give him a call, caught up on the last 10 years, and eventually met for dinner. Unfortunately when Mr. Martini popped the big question about whether he would be kind enough to preside over our ceremony, he found that he was not ordained and is currently serving as a counselor at his church.

We were sad that he could not marry us, but excited that he will be able to witness our marriage as a guest after losing touch for 10 years. But now we had another issue. Who was going to seal the deal for us?

Mr. Martini felt just a tad bit uncomfortable with a pastor that was the same age or younger than him, and I respected that, so that left out a couple of our alternate options. When I filled my dad in on our dilemma, he wanted us to ask his church’s head pastor, but I was dead set against having a Korean speaking ceremony and did not feel comfortable repeating my vows from someone who wasn’t very fluent in English.

Then my dad suggested a bilingual ceremony and having two pastors speak. The Youth Group pastor in his church is fluent in English, and my dad thought he would be a perfect fit for the vow segment of the ceremony. But I wasn’t sure I liked the idea – I’ve never met this person and not only was he much younger than Mr. Martini, he was also younger than me.

I might come off as seeming a little bit picky, but I felt that the officiant would have one of the most important positions on our wedding day. I mean, he’s going to MARRY us. His words, “I now pronounce you husband and wife” are going to change our lives forever. We also chose not to get married in a church despite protests (our reason for this had nothing to do with religion – we just preferred not to ask guests to travel between two locations), and in exchange we promised to have a “church” wedding without the actual church. Therefore, I wanted a great speaker who was going to make the ceremony meaningful, yet fun. It would have been nice to have someone who at least knew one of us personally. But since we don’t attend church at the moment, it’s been a little tough finding a pastor so far.

How did you, or will you, choose the person who will marry you?


Mrs. Martini

New Jersey
Wedding Date:
March 2015
Fodor's Cancun/Cozumel/Yucatan Peninsula
My DIY Invitation Suite


  1. Guest Icon Guest
    Melothyryan, Guest @ 4:42 pm

    We’re beginning to have similar convos at the dinner table these days. We were both raised Roman Catholic but in recent years I’ve begun attending a non-denominational Christian church. We’re considering whether we want to get married in a Catholic church or not, and then which church we’d choose, and if we decide to go with the Non-Denominational route, there are a few choices for who and how and where…

    I look forward to your update!

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