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Hello hive! Long time no talk!
I know I’ve been pretty MIA since our big day, but before I get to posting about the rehearsal, wedding day, and honeymoon, I thought I’d share with you one MAJOR compromise that Mr. H and I had right before the wedding.
About two weeks before we were set to tie the knot, Mrs. (then Miss) H got a little nervous about the whole name change thing. OK, not just a little nervous, I got super duper emotional. I had decided earlier on that I would make my maiden name a second middle name, i.e.:
First Middle Maiden Last
When all of my wedding emotions hit me like a ton of bricks those couple of weeks before the wedding, I realized that one of my biggest emotions was that of losing my last name. I never thought that this would be such an issue, but I guess that finally coming to terms with no longer having the same name that I’d had for 26 years really was more sad then I had thought.
I talked to Mr. H about possibly not changing my name at all—he wasn’t into this.
I can’t blame him; he was excited to have me as his wife and for us to start our new family, with his family name. I, however, couldn’t let it go.
Mom H, surprisingly, found the solution. Mom H takes Spanish classes each week and her teacher suggested that maybe we change my name to the old-fashioned Hispanic tradition, i.e.:
First Middle Maiden de Married
I was sure that Mr. H wouldn’t go for this idea. To me it’s like using a hyphen, but with a “de” instead. I couldn’t believe it when not only did he agree to it, he liked it more then any of the options, including me taking his name solely. I do admit, it’s quite the mouthful, but it means a lot to me that I get to keep a little of my past while beginning my future with Mr. H. And most of all, it means the world to me that he realized how important this is to me. 
So now, my only task left is to figure out when I will find the time to make the dreaded trips to change my license, social security information, and to go get my new passport.
Did any of you choose an unconventional way to change your name?
When changing your name, i totally suggest http://www.missnowmrs.com such a god send!
I was having a hard time stomaching a name change. After having my name for so long! We are from two different backgrounds- Puerto rican (me) and he is Taiwanese. But I will have to ask him if he likes the idea Mom H proposed to you! In the hispanic culture it isn’t too uncommon to have two last names anyway! Thanks for sharing!!!
Actually one of the beauty parts of the Hispanic tradition you mentioned is that (at least here in Mexico) there is no LEGAL name change at all. It is just what people call you formally on invitations, etc. Also many women here use their husband’s last name socially (both First de Married and First Married) and again, there is no legal element involved. Might be easier just not to do the legal thing.
Thank you HAnnah I have been married over a year and still not motivated!!! know I will.
now. sorry
I just did a post on my blog last week about this very subject. Check it out.
http://ed-debi.blogspot.com
The name changing process is easier than most people make it out to be. I recently change my first name legally, hence changing everything along with it. I’m getting married in a few months and will be taking my FI’s name, and so will have to go through the entire process again. At least the government make it easy to change your last name, needing only a marriage certificate.
I’ve been going back and forth on this. FI will be really hurt if I don’t take his last name, and I’m fine with taking it; I just can’t decide if I will be First Middle Maiden Married or First Middle Married. My wedding is this weekend, so I guess I need to decide soon!
@pancakes: No you don’t! Take your time deciding. You can always change it later. I have a friend who kept her name, then when they had kids she decided she wanted the same last name as them so she changed it at that point. You could also think about doing First Maiden Married, and drop your middle name. That’s my plan.
I decided on the first middle maiden married route and I’m still adjusting to it, but I’m glad I kept my name and took his name as well.
I always thought I would be thrilled to drop my maiden name and take my husbands last name. But as soon as I got engaged, the reality hit me and I did not want to let go of the name that I grew up with and had for nearly 29 years. Dropping my middle name was also not an option because my middle name is my grandma’s name and that is something special. So, I kept my middle, placed my maiden name after it and changed my last name to his. Some people have it confused and think I hyphenated without the hyphen but I still go by Michelle Newlastname, while secretly still calling myself Michelle Maiden Newlastname in my head.
Mrs H, It’s so wonderful that you were not only able to find a solution that worked for both you and Mr H, but that it’s even in keeping with his (and now your 
) heritage! Thanks for the great post about not only how emotional it can be for a bride to change her name, but also how emotional it can be for her groom. My husband still tears up every time he gets the mail and sees items addressed to my new name!
@katie (@pancakes): Actually, it depends state by state. In Oregon (where I was married), you have to declare your name change on the marriage license, so you must decide prior to the wedding. If you change your mind later, you must go to court and do it the long way. Also, Oregon limits how you may change your name using a marriage license, so actually, Mrs H’s clever compromise wouldn’t be possible (in OR) without changing your name in court.
That’s so cool! What a great solution - and so much more elegant than a hyphen.
I was able to change mine to First middle Maiden Married. Which sounds the same as a few mentioned above, but my official last name is now Maiden Married - no hyphen. I like it because when I have kids and later on, people can assume and alphabetize me with the kids under the married name, but I can get away with going by either. It is really handy because no matter which name people write important info (like checks) too, both are on my drivers license! I also didn’t change my name professionally - so it is nice to have identification that has my maiden name on it so it “matches” my business cards.
I always knew that I wouldn’t change my name, and honestly I wouldn’t have even dated someone who felt it was important for me to take his name, so I think that kind of happens pre-wedding in a subconcious way.
also I am 29, and it would be incredibly wierd to take any other name than my own legally. informally, socially, I am fine with people calling me by his name, but technically and legally, my name is important to me has established me for 29 years, so no its not just a name.
I agree with you, beaninca, about not even *dating* a guy who’s so sexist and/or insecure as to care about me changing my name.
I have been struggling with the name change challenge for a while. I decided to go with First Middle Maiden Married but still felt conflicted. Recently FI agreed to add my maiden name to his name (my maiden name is a pretty standard boy’s first name). So now he’ll be First Middle Maiden Last too! And as sad as I am to technically lose my last name, I feel better that he’s compromising too.
This is such a gut-wrenching thing for me too! I have a bit of a different situation because my fiance - and everyone else who’s not in my family - calls me by my last name. In fact, when I talk to myself in my head, I call myself by my last name!
I did toss about the idea of dropping my first and middle names, but that feels a little disrespectful to my mother. Plus it’s just plain weird.
I’m going the First Middle Maiden Last route (I think), and I’m trying to remember ladies like Hillary Rodham Clinton and Jacqueline Onassis Kennedy when I get wistful about it.
Because I’m in the same camp, where I want my whole family to have the same last name. No political reason there; I just like the idea of being The [Lastname]s. Also, we’re planning on giving our kids my last name as their middle names, so it sticks around for at least a generation.
I like the idea of First Middle Maiden de Last, but I don’t know if I like the way it sounds with our names in particular.
i didnt change my name. all through our five year relationship prior to being engaged he always said he wouls like his wife to have his last name. i was always uncomfortable because i never wanted to give up my name. once we were engagedf though, he just turned ont he light and realized that he really didnt care, and i kept my last name. i DO liek when peopel cal me by his last name, but legally, my business name is also my last name. it would have messed up a lot of things. he knew that this is what i wanted jsut as badly as what he wanted, and we agreed to just keep our own names. marriage is about compromise, and this was an easy one after all.
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Mrs. Hydrangea, Dallas Age and Occupation: 26, Administrative Assistant Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Network Analyst Engagement Date: June 2007 Wedding Date: September 2008 Blogging Since: January 14, 2008 Venue: Catholic Church and Reception at The W Hotel About Me: Mr. H and I come from very different cultures and backgrounds so I'm excited to plan our wedding with a balance of both traditions. My mom has always been a DIY queen, and I'm just now starting to get into it with a new house and a wedding to plan!
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