Wedding Blog

Back when I was 15, my parents and I would visit my brother who lives in NYC every few months. Although I had fun going to art museums and soaking up all of the culture the Big Apple had to offer, I decided that as an obsessive Saturday Night Live fan, it was time for me to head to NBC Studios where my dreamy high school crush, Jimmy Fallon, spent most of his days. You see, I was in love with Jimmy and I was convinced he and I were destined to be together. After all, we both wrote song parodies and liked the same bands, how often does that happen!? It was love at first sight… minus the whole sight part, considering we had never met. That is, until one day when I popped my SNL-stalking cherry.

My MOH, Will Ferrell and a 17-year-old Miss Candy Corn with even worse hair than Will.

As a side note, I also ran a website devoted to Jimmy and my love for him and his pretty boy hair. Keep in mind the only design program I owned at the time was MS Paint, thus the extensive use of the graffiti spray effect. Unfortunately, due to the fact that I forgot my username and password, the site still exists out there in cyberspace, mocking me for all of eternity. Luckily, it crashes after you browse a few pages because Geocities is lacking in more ways than one.

I now present to you my word-for-word, 15-year-old recap of my first trip (one of at least six trips) to NBC Studios. Prepare yourself for run-ons galore and the excited babbling of a stalkerholic:

I went to New York in September just to see Adam Sandler because I heard he was going to be on Conan O’Brien, so I met my online friend, Jess, at the NBC studios and stood with her and her friend, Fotini and my parents and brother. We were waiting for Adam but then we see Chris Kattan! Then I realized the SNL 25th anniversary rehearsals were taking place all weekend! Later Adam came down with, Jonathan Loughlan (the cross eyed guy from “Waterboy”…he was in “Big Daddy” too) and Allen Covert! Ahhh! So I tell Adam I love him and meanwhile my dad gave Adam’s driver my 3-paged typed letter so Adam could read it… it was really funny, I was trying to humorize Adam. Uhh yeah, so anyways I told Adam he is excellent and soo funny and a role model to me and he was like thank you, etc. and my mom said ” you don’t look 7 feet tall” (corny joke about “Stan and Judy’s kid” song) and I said “Oh I didn’t need to know about certain large body parts! ” But, my mom said she didn’t hear me, hah I was like, oh no! I hope he heard me! It was another Kodak moment and then I asked for his autograph and the pic. Then I ran outside to my dad and went by Adam’s car and Adam came and took a picture with me and went into his car, with Allen and Jon and he let my two friends get in the car for an autograph! Literally in it! Then they hopped out and Adam and his driver and his friends drove away.

The next day, which was Saturday, I was in the NBC building again cause I saw my friend Fotini in the street and so she told me she already saw Darrell Hammond and Dan Ackroid walking around the whole time! So I flipped out and went in, I met Dan Ackroid and said hi to him and said he was awesome and got his picture. Then Cheri Oteri came in and I told her she is so talented and hilarious on the show blah blah and she said thanks!!! So we got pictures with her–she was shy though. Then! Get this! Seinfeld and Chris Rock come down! And I yell Seinfeld!!!! and I’m busy taking pics of Chris Rock and my other friend to ever get to speak with them, so I yell HELLLLOOO LA LA LA~ ! at Seinfeld (from an episode about a talking belly button if you are a fan of the show) so he turned around and looked at me and then they walked out onto the streets of New York.

Then Mike Myers comes in and I’m such a nerd.. he is such a god.. and I told him that and asked why he married an axe murderer. Wow, who is a nerd? Me! Corny joke! And he laughed and I think I heard him do a Sprockets impersonation!!! Ahhh, so in my picture with him I am telling him that he is spectacular and he’s looking at another camera… haha it was a fuzzy pic too, so it wasn’t that good but with my mom he had a peace sign and my two friends he was pointing to the camera. Then we saw Cheri again… and later Dennis Miller came down and it was awesome, he posed for such a long time with everyone and was a great guy. He asked my brother’s girlfriend if she wanted a pic with him and she said she did so he posed with her too! Then Tracy Morgan shows up, he’s a character! He’s like HEY! and all happy… so he was awesome. He had to go fast though but I asked if Jimmy Fallon would be down and he said in 10 mins… which later turned out to be an hour! But it was well worth the wait to me. So I was sooo happy. And then Dennis Miller came back again and was like “hey guys nice seeing you again!” (there were only like 12 people in the lobby so we were all sort of hanging out with each other), and I was off by myself to one side and I look up and see Steve Martin with white hair and a black suit coming my way from like 30 ft. I was amazed and shocked and didn’t even approach him until he was really close to me… no one else had seen him yet so I said the first thing I could think of… “FATHER OF THE BRIDE!” Can I please have your autograph!? So he asked if I could “please take the pen cap off” LOL! So I said of course… and I was shaking from being nervous… but I got his autograph. I was the only one too and a lot of other people asked.

THEN Martin Short comes! and my dad like the funny idiot he is gets stuck in a revolving door with Martin and his bodyguard!!!!!!! LOL! You should’ve seen it! It was THE funniest thing ever. So I asked for his autograph too and he was all jolly about it. Later Adam Sandler comes in!!! I FLIPPED OUT! and I was just shocked that he was there! I said “Adam! Did you read my letter?” and all of these other people had come into the lobby and were asking for pics, autographs. etc,. and he looks at me and laughs his true Adam laugh and said, “Yes it was really funny!” (LOL I’m so touched!) and I just about died! Jessica gave him a goat beanie baby! He loved it! He was waving it all around and went into the elevator with it laughing and holding it up, so that was amazing. Later my dad tells me he talked to the driver again and the driver said Adam read the letter out loud in the car with Jon and Allen and they were all cracking up laughing hysterically and taking turns reading it!!!! Ah! So I was sooo happy!

So after I see Adam, Norm MacDonald comes in, and I get a pic with him and my other friends and he left really fast.. but he was still really nice. And Jon Lovitz comes in right after!!!!! I was so happy, I told him he was brilliant on SNL and anything he’s done and he said thank you and my mom was blabbering at him and the whole time he seemed really depressed. I wondered why and later guessed after seeing the anniversary show that it was because he had to talk about his friend, Phil Hartman. In the show he was almost crying… well you know that since I seriously doubt you missed it, but it was really sad to see him like that. And later Jon Loughlan comes back down and I got his autograph! he said, “You probably don’t know who I am,” so he wrote cross-eyed guy #57 (or 54 i cant remember) and then his name! LOL so that was funny. I told him he was wrong and I knew him quite well!

I waited an hour and a half and finally the first time I turned my back from the elevator, I hear my dad say, “Shannon! Look who it is!” I turn around and see Jimmy Fallon and a blond lady coming my way! I ran up to him and said, “Can I please have your autograph, Jimmy?” I was jumping and he said, “Sure!” Then he signed it and posed for pics. Then I said, “Can I have a hug?” He said, “Aww, yes!” and he hugged me for such a long time and rocked me back and forth, and I said, “I love you sooo much!” He said, “I love your shirt!” (It said SNL on the front and had Adam Sandler on the back!) Then the two other guys I was with came up for an autograph and he autographed the stuff while I was still telling him how I wrote him a long letter, and it had magnetic poetry in it, and he said, “Really?” all excited. Then my mom said, “She sings your songs all through the house and gets them stuck in my head all day!” and he came up and hugged her too, and said it was for me and my singing. Then he went over to my dad and my mom followed and I was just extremely shocked. I went blank and then my friend came over and said, “You know, Jimmy Fallon is talking to your parents!” I freaked out and ran back over to him and got yet another hug! Then he posed with me for a picture, and my mom said how much I love him and my dad said, “She loves you so much, it’s sick.” Then my mom said how Tracy told us ten minutes for him to come… and he said, “Oh, I’m sorry! It was really held up upstairs and busy.” I said, “It’s okay!” My dad said, “We came all the way from Pennsylvania to see you!” He said, “That’s so nice of you guys!” and I was thinking, “I didn’t even know he would be here!” He hugged me again and said he had to go. That lady with blond hair he came out with was waiting patiently by the doors farther away, so he met back up with her, but before that, I said, “Keep making fun songs!” and he said, “I will! Bye!” and I shouted, “BYE, JIMMY!!” and I flipped out! I haven’t stopped talking about it since! I hope you all meet Jimmy too! If you haven’t already!!

It was great! I’ll stop talking about Jimmy and his role model-ness. So all of these people I got autographs from and it was great, when we went outside we saw Gary Busey and my mom and dad were happy I was just like… yay… so they talked to him and we got a pic. During that day, Chevy Chase whizzed by and I yelled “THANK YOU FOR BEING IN CHRISTMAS VACATION! IT INSPIRED ME!” and he was in the elevator when I said it and he smiled and laughed. And also Billy Crystal, and Mick Jagger came through… Mick held up a peace sign but Billy had his cap over his eyes and raced through. Also, that Le Femme Nikita lady was there. My dad was like, “Oh, she’s hot,” so he went up to her and said “I love your work” and she said, “Thank you, I’m happy I have fans out there like you,” so he said, “you’re welcome” and got her picture. Later he was like “I dont know who the hell she is, but she was nice looking!” So that was certainly amusing.

I love how I used the word “humorize” and describe Adam Sandler’s laugh as his “true Adam laugh.” Ah-mazing. Now it’s time for what you’ve been waiting for… blackmail-worthy photos of me SNL stalking!

That is one happy Candy Corn and one mildly freaked out Jimmy Fallon.

A family portrait with a SNL celebrity is never complete without some fanny pack action from the pops.

My mom was totally trying to put the moves on my man, but I’m sure he was thinking of me the whole time.

Speaking of freaked out, my mom and I probably didn’t make the best first impression by screaming “MANGOOOOOOOOOOOO” hysterically at Chris Kattan, while chasing him across the lobby of NBC Studios. By the way, check out my attire. Graffiti shirt? Check. Bright red jeans from DEB? Check.

This was a particularly pathetic attempt to get one last shot with Chris, while he slunk away slowly like a scared puppy.

I totally wanted to be a Spartan Cheerleader. There I said it.

Poor Steve was looking a little gassy that evening… perhaps mom should’ve let him borrow some Beano.

We are totally BFFs.

Lorne Michaels, anxious to get away from his SNL stalkahs.

I’ve saved the best for last. Probably around the sixth time I met Jimmy, I decided I would make him something for Christmas, since that’s what stalkers do. The first thing that came to mind was a painting on slate. I had been doing paintings on slate for some friends of the family (barnyard scenes, winter wonderlands, etc.) and decided, hey, why not paint Jimmy Fallon’s head on slate so he can hang it in his home? Best. Idea. Ever. He at least pretended to love it, or was just incredibly amused at my pathetic attempt to paint his eyebrows.

I now present to you, the god awful Jimmy Fallon slate painting I made for him (check out those Chiclet teeth!!!):

And that, dear readers, is just one of my many secrets.

Did anyone else out there stalk their teenage crush, or am I the only one?