I was taking a break today to read the news, and what do you know, there was an article about what age to marry. In 1890 the average age to marry for men was 26 and for women 22. The average age to marry dropped significantly in the 1960’s and is now the highest since the census began in the late 1800’s.
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Personally I felt on the younger side — I was 26 and Mr. Onion was 27 when we were married last September. But according to the census, this is exactly the average age for 2007. I was the first of my friends to marry, so that also added to my perception of “average.” I think a lot of your perceptions of the best age to marry has to do with where you live and of course your circumstances. Many couples wait until they are finished with degrees (undergraduate or graduate), while some just don’t find “the one” until later in life. There is so much societal pressure for so many women to get married by a certain age. People have strong opinions — “Oh you’re too young to get married,” or “What are you waiting for? You’re not getting any younger!”
Also, your “plan” changes along the way. If you’d asked me when I was in college when I thought I’d get married, I would have said my early 30’s. But then I fell in love and suddenly the time line I had in mind didn’t matter anymore.
Do you think, like John Van Epp suggests in the article, that we are so confident now in fertility treatments to take care of us, that we wait longer to marry and have a family? What age do you think is ideal for women and men to marry and why?
I’m 24, and Boy and I will be 26 and 25 when we marry. Our decision has more to do with wanting the year 2010 than wanting to wait to grow up more, although it does help to save! Some of our friends are married already, and while they were young (23) when they got married, we didn’t really think of them that way. As with everything else, it seems to have more to do with a specific relationship than an accepted range.
Justin and I will both be 25.8 at the time of the wedding. 
The time felt right for us. I’m from a rural part of the country, most of my friends are already married. Justin’s from a large city, and only 1 of his friends has married. We’re all the same age. Its interesting to see the difference in small town vs City .
I think it has nothing to do with fertility treatments as a safety net. I agree with you in that it is related to where you are in life, especially if you are getting degrees. Many women along with thier male (or female ) counter part are career driven and more people are able to pursure further education now than in the past (and in many cases need to in order to stay competitive in today’s job industry) . Also, its obviously related to when that special someone comes into our lives!
I also think people in general (men and women) are less willing to accept a mate who do not “mesh” with them as best as possible. I think esp think we as women accept less in relationships now days than women were willing to accept in previous decades. ;o)
Oh, forgot to say, I am 28 and my fiance 32. Getting married in the spring and I am JUST now finishing my masters degree. i’ve been broke 4ever!
I am not sure that there is necessarily a better age to get married although as someone who will get married a month shy of her 32nd birthday (FI will be two months shy of 34!) I feel like I feel comfortable to be getting married at this age. I’ve gotten that education I wanted, had my own apartments, travelled and dated so I feel like I knew what I was looking for in a partner and am happy to have found him. At the same time, I think about the “time pressure” of starting a family. I live in New York City so it’s pretty common to see older parents here. I definitely feel some pressure to think about starting a family. At the same time I also want to enjoy the early years of marriage. We’ll see what happens.
I saw that article yesterday and the thing that got me was the headline:
“Sooner vs. later: Is there an ideal age for first marriage?”
It says “first” like all marriages are doomed to fail and you’ll use the experience to be better prepared when you become old enough to enter in to your next one. Sure age and maturity can be contributing factors in making a marriage successful, but why the heck did they have to use “first”???!?!! That bothered me. I don’t know anyone who enters into a marriage thinking it will be their first. It’s a weird choice of words.
well i suppose i’m the outcast here, but my fiance and i are both 20! we had planned to get married early next summer when he’ll be 21 and i’ll still be 20, but we’re holding off until next december. we’ll both be 21, but that doesn’t seem young to us. we’ve definitely heard a few of the, “you’re too young to be married”‘s but we could care less what they have to say! 
but, it’s definitely the norm to get married young where i live (virginia). i would say most of my friends are married, engaged, or on their way.
ps: i just read your about me, and you have the coolest job(s) ever!
@Miss Deviled Egg: I wonder if they worded it that way in order to be able to use their stats. Ya know, like maybe they didn’t include stats on second marriages? *shrug* It is weird wording.
I waffle between feeling very old and very young (I’m 29). I see people getting married who seem so young, but that’s just because I’m getting older. And then, faced with the enormity of the rest of my life, I feel so young. Also, my mister is three (well, 2.5) years younger than I am, so I often think that he seems so young!
I agree with Kita that our expectations are pretty high — we aren’t really willing to settle for less than what we think is perfect, and so finding the right person can take longer. I wonder how much of it is also that we’re (speaking for myself, actually) a little intimidated and lost about what it means to be a wife anymore.
@miss deviled egg: Miss Cheese is right. I’m a journalist and when you use stats at all, you have to be pretty specific so that people don’t get confused or misunderstand. With this, people could think ALL marriages, but they’re only talking about people who are getting married for the first time (that’s how they should have said it)
anyway, i read the whole article because it’s really interesting… I’m 20 and my fiance is 22. We’re “young,” yes, but we’re both done with our degrees and working with good companies. I think you shouldn’t put an age on marriage and it really only matters per couple. you could be 30 and still be immature and not ready or you can be 22 and ready for the commitment. As someone who always hears “you’re so young…” I strongly believe age is nothing but a number and that your society and culture really shapes the conceptions of marriage.
whatever age you are — GOOD LUCK!!
I’ve thought a lot about this. Like you, I was 26 when I got married back in June. None of my friends have gotten married yet. I don’t plan on having kids for *at least* the next three years. I look forward to enjoying a few years of marriage with my husband before we think about a family. My goal is to finish grad school and hopefully get started in a new career before kids come in to play. However, life doesn’t always work out according to one’s carefully laid plans. I know plenty of women getting married in their mid-late thirties and immediately having babies. I am happy that I found my partner early in life, but realize it had a lot to do with luck.
I’ve also heard that if you’ve graduated from college, the average age is like 30 for a man and 28 for a woman. (This used to make me feel better when I was single. ).
I think when those are out of school and are in their careers, that is a good time. It is difficult to start your lives together in debt or while in school, yet not impossible. A lot of my friends have married when one or both in the relationship is done with school/has a career.
We’re slightly older than average… I’ll be 28 and J will be 32. Most of his friends are married, and mine are about half and half. But, it definitely feels like the right time to us. I probably really felt ready when I was 26.
An interesting note, I was engaged back in college, and broke it off after graduation once I realized how BIG the world is and how much I still had to learn. I was single and on my own for two years before meeting J. I love him and our life now, but those two years were awesome, and I count that as one of the best decisions I ever made. I learned so much about myself and had so many great experiences. I am definitely more ready to move on to a new phase now than I was right out of college. We have a home, are settled in our careers and excited about the future. Obviously, everyone has a different experience, and I know people who’ve gotten married young and are very happy. But for me, this route worked out so well.
@JanieLeigh: I’m in Virginia too! Where are you? We live in northern Va, so it’s probably a little different here, but I went to school in Harrisonburg and people did get married pretty young there. Up here I think it trends more toward the average. Best of luck!
@Miss Deviled Egg: I think that is for statistical reference… they need to compare apples to apples. If you were adding in average ages for 2nd (or 3rd or 4th…) marriages, it would completely skew the data, plus you’d have people counted twice (i.e. if someone is 23 at 1st marriage and 32 at 2nd, which do you count? Both?) and that wouldn’t compare correctly to someone who’s only been married once at say, 25. Does that make sense? Okay, stats geek going back into hiding….
I think that obviously women marry later now than they have historically because they have more choices. Back when my mom got married (early 60s) it was still fairly unusual for a woman to have a real career – you were raised with the idea that you might work for a while, until you found a good man, but then your job was raising the kids.
Today, women are much more likely to think in terms of a career rather than a temporary job. And even if you plan to have children, you might plan to continue to work – in which case it’s probably better to put off kids until you have your career somewhat established.
I don’t think that anybody purposely puts off having kids, thinking that they will just take a lot of drugs and it will be okay. But many women in their late 30s or early 40s have no trouble conceiving, and many of my friends feel that they would love to have kids someday, but absolutely don’t feel that it’s a priority. And that just makes sense, now that women for the most part have a way of defining their worth that has nothing to do with having kids.
I have to admit at my age (31) it sucks to be single. All of my friends are married and some are even on the seond child! While I don’t get pressure from friends or family about getting married and starting a family, I do have my own “clock” in myself-the one that says…ok I should be married by now, or at least have an engagement ring. (It’s depressing when I’m on my commute and literally, every other woman I see has an engagement ring on!) Or ok, I should be having kids by now b/c of the cliche that your eggs aren’t as fertile the older you get. ..so who knows…I’m just praying it’ll have in 2 years or so…hopefully before I’m 35!
I think it’s a little bit of both. Like suzanno said, women have so many more career options today– but the availability of fertility treatments may make it more comfortable for women to focus on their career first.
I’m almost 27, and we’ll be married 2 years from now (my guy is 32). After finishing med school a couple years ago and starting fresh in a new field, I want to solidify my career path a little more before concentrating on another big life event– but that’s also because we’re planning on starting a family right after getting married, and hopefully the first kid will come along when I’m about 30.
In the end, our choices are so dependent on what our individual priorities are– some people are mature enough to marry early, some feel more comfortable waiting, for various reasons. And like you said, all our plans can change suddenly. I’m just happy we have the choices we do, instead of being limited as women were only a few decades ago!
Even if I had met Mr. Right when I was 25, I would not have been ready for marriage. I’m 32 and will be 33 when we tie the knot. He’s 30 and will be 31. I do wish we had met younger so we could have more time to enjoy being a married couple before we have children, but we’ve agreed that we’ll give it one year before we start trying for children. If I was younger, that year would probably be two or three, but I am kind of paranoid about having children over 35, so I’d rather start sooner than later.
Miss Onion, NYC/Burlington, VT Age and Occupation: 27, PR & Marketing and Jazz Singer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Data Analyst Engagement Date: April 2, 2006 Wedding Date: September 2007 Blogging Since: July 11, 2007 Venue: Restaurant in Burlington About Me: I didn't think I'd be "that girl," but I am having so much fun planning our wedding (mostly by myself). I'm a PR and Marketing Director for a major jazz festival and camp by day, and by night, a romantic jazz singer and bride-to-be! I hope all my research can help other brides in their planning.
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