Like many couples, Mr. PN and I have different views when it comes to finance. I am a penny-pincher and he tends to splurge a little more. Occasionally this causes conflict, but for the most part we keep each other on track. He reminds me that it is okay to spend money on clothes, nice haircuts and a pedicure (all things I view as non-essential), and I remind him that our TV is just fine and doesn’t need to be replaced yet (since it is less than 2 years old!).**
The number one conflict in marriage is money, and one of the biggest factors that contribute to divorce court is debt. Now let’s face it, money is very unromantic. It can be difficult to discuss and if you and your honey have different spending habits (which is often the case) it can be even harder to reconcile.
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Mr. PN and I lived together for over 4 years before tying the knot. When we moved in together in 2004, we established a “money routine” which we have been using ever since. It has been modified a bit over the years but for the most part we have kept the same routine. Mr. PN has always made more money than me (I was in school for 3 years), so he pays the rent and his personal bills (like cell phone and credit card) and I pay for everything else (groceries, utilities, cable, household supplies, etc.) and my personal bills (cell phone & student loans). He also pays for the majority of our dinners and vacations. This system has served us well over the last 4 years.
Since our engagement we took a big financial step. We now have a joint credit card where we charge a majority of our purchases and build reward points to use towards travel. Even though we have a joint card, we still treat it as separate accounts. I keep meticulous records of my purchases and usually pay off my portion of the credit card in full with each pay check.
Now that we are married, we are faced with the decision of how to deal with our finances. Should we combine our money into one account? Keep separate accounts? Have joint and separate accounts? And if we have joint and separate accounts, how much do we contribute to each? There are so many options!
At this point Mr. PN and I have decided to open a joint account and contribute a small percentage of our income while keeping our separate accounts. We will continue with the same financial arrangement and use our joint account to save for major purchases or vacations. We might decide to combine more of our money in the future, but for now we plan to stick with what we know. No sense rocking the boat!
Ok hive, your turn! What type of financial arrangement do you have? Have you talked with your partner about your spending and saving habits? How do you plan to combine your finances after the wedding?
Check out this article for tips to manage money for richer or for poorer.
**Mr. PN is reading over my shoulder right now and has started rambling about the new technology in TV’s, employee discounts, high def, and all the other reasons we “need a new TV” (he just proved my point!)
I am old-fashioned, but we believe marriage means we share everything. We put our paychecks together every month and use that money for everything. We obviously talk about all major expenses.
I know that is not common these days but I personally believe in it… total integration as a couple.
While when we were living together we had a household account to pay rent (and then mortgage) and other joint expenses, after we got married, we combined everything. We both have our separate checking accounts still, but only have about $300 in each (for gifts, etc). Everything else is combined. I believe strongly that it’s OUR money not one or the other and I think it’s especially important since we make vastly different amounts (I make ALOT more). I wouldn’t want him to be scrounging around to buy socks or something while I’m buying nice clothes and going on trips. 
Dear Mrs. PN,
Thank you for this article. I think finances is possibly one of the most awkward things to talk to one’s partner about. My fiance and I have been dating for over 5 years, and have lived together for the last 2. Since moving in, we have decided to maintain our finances separate, however, now that we are planning to be married we have decided to open a joint checking account which will be used to pay for our rent, utilities, travel, and hopefully a mortgage at some point. I am a big believer of financial independence though, so I have decided to maintain my own personal checking/savings account as well as my personal retirement accounts. I don’t know if this will ever change, but for the time being, we’re taking it one step at a time. Also, i think by having our own accounts we can continue to spend some of our own money on unnecessary things without annoying each other; I can continue to buy shoes, and he can continue collecting guitars.
I was told by several wise ladies at different points in my life that one never knows what the future will bring and that a lady should have an account, separately and all her own, where she keeps several thousand dollars “for a rainy day”. Some of these women chose to share that they had this account with their husbands and some didn’t (I would share), but they all agreed that it was an important thing to have.
We each maintain separate accounts for direct income deposits and share one joint account where we put a budgeted amount of money for bills, rent, groceries, and some “slush.”
When we make a large purchase, one of us will put it on a credit card (most of which we co-sign at this point) and we will both contribute toward paying it off.
We have a very specific way we plan to handle money in our house. When we’re married we will have 4 accounts!
Account #1: To pay the bills (including groceries, gas, etc.). We will each put in our percentage (according to how much each person makes).
Account #2: A joint savings. We will each put in a set amount out of each paycheck (again, according to how much each person makes). This will be an emergency fund… a vacation fund… new TV fund… etc etc etc
Account #3: His Savings. He can put as much or as little as he likes in it. He can spend it how likes as well.
Account #4: My Savings. I can put as much as I want in it and use it as I feel necessary.
We hope this will work. We’ll find out.
I agree with acabride… the hubs and I share it all. He makes much more than me, but even if it were the other way around I would want to share everything. We are married – we are in it for life, and we will share everything. I know people say you need to take care of yourself first, but I believe we need to take care of each other.
Our financial plan is pretty straight forward. Paychecks are direct deposited into our joint checking account. 10% of my paycheck goes into my personal checking, 5% of my paycheck goes into my personal savings- same for my husband. We pay all bills, groceries, meals out, gas, with our joint account/joint credit card. After bills are paid- depending how we are doing for that month a certain amount is pulled from the joint checking into our joint savings. This way we both maintain our own personal accounts but don’t have to worry about who is paying for what.
If he wants to go buy a video game or eat out for lunch every day of the week- he pays for that with his money. If I want to drop $100 at Etsy- that’s on me.
We live seperately now, so we have seperate accounts, which is a bit of a pain. Once we move in together, we’ll get a joint account, and keep our seperate accounts, so we can spend from those as we wish. I also like the idea of having two savings accounts anyway. One for fun stuff like vacations, and one for an emergency fund. I already have weekly deposits sent to my savings, so I’ll continue doing that in addition to having deposits sent to our joint account.
Mrs. PN.. you two are exactly like us! We’ve been living together for over 4yrs.. he makes most of the money and I had been in school.. we split everything just as you had too! It has worked-out great! and do not plan on changing anything.. we already have a joint savings and only sometimes use it.. and anything else we need in the long-run later in life, one of us will use our own card and switch off if the other cannot foot the bill! G’luck!!!
We’ve been married since July, living together since August ’07 and we still have separate accounts. Our incomes are about the same so he gives me money for his half of rent, and pays for the groceries, then I pay for internet, and the power bill. We also have a joint credit card that we are currently trying to pay off. Eventually, we will probably open a joint checking account and keep our separate accounts for when we want to buy something and for our own personal bills.
So many different arrangements! For those of you who share everything – do you somtimes get frustrated if the other person is spending $$ on something you deem frivilous? Mr. PN eats lunch out every day and I always back a lunch. If I saw how much his lunch added up to I think it would get under my skin.
Hmmm good point Mrs. PN. I guess if we were different like that it would bug me. But we don’t really have issues like that. For the most part we discuss purchases. We are on the same page about lunches for example – we both eat out fridays, and bring a lunch all other days. We don’t really buy a lot of extra stuff but now that I’m thinking about it, there are times when I think to myself “hmm I would LOVE to buy that purse, but hubs will think it’s a waste of money” or times when he wants to buy a video game but I think he’s already got ten shoot-em-up games why does he need another???
Now you’ve really got me thinking!!!!
We share everything. We are lucky we have similar financial styles, but of course there are some disagreements on discretionary purchases. Together we end up saving more money than we did before we met because we have agreed upon goals – saving for a bigger house, new car, vacations, etc. So we try to both make decisions that will save us money.
@Mrs.PN – I totally hear you on the lunch thing! My husband just doesn’t care to put in the effort to pack a lunch because buying one is more convenient, but if I just pack him a tupperware of leftovers (which is what I typically pack for lunch) he’ll take it. Also, if he’s having a really busy week and ends up buying lunch a lot I remind myself that this is one splurge for him that makes his life easier and sometime I end up splurging on something that he doesn’t think is a necessity too.
FI and I have been together for 4 1/2 years, living together for 2. We have about 10different savings accounts, half joint and half in just my name (altho we both put money in it like its joint). WE don’t even use all of them, we have some at a couple of different credit unions just to keep our standing with them. I have a school account(holds my refund checks from financial aid til I need it again), xmas, car, etc savings accounts that I put money into every month, along with separate retirement accounts. I plan on getting put on his group life and retirement accts at work as soon as we get married next year. We each have our own separate checking accounts, and all separate credit cards, with 2 joint. We are currently working separately to get out of our own individual debt before the wedding, then plan on buying a house. Right now, he pays for the car insurance, cell phone, internet, and most of the groceries (he makes a little more than twice what I do). I pay my own health insurance which is ridiculous since its an individual policy, as soon as we get married I will go on his health insruance also. I hope when we get married to have a jiont checking for household stuff, each separate checkings for whatever else, and various savings accounts (I like having separate ones for each category). I am just starting out with Wesabe trying to creat a budget that we stick to, which will be hard since we are still very much individual spenders. Any successful ideas on how to do this and still stay sane??
So far I have only gotten annoyed one time and I got past it. I think we are blessed in that our spending habits are not as different as with some couples (although I do tend to save a bit more). He has been great about considering me before spending.
seperate accounts. we have a joint account for mortgage and split costs. And We still consider it all out money.
Haha, it’s the same for us: I’m the compulsive saver, and DH is a splurger. He was a bit ashamed (and astounded) that we actually spend less money as a couple than he spent himself when he was single. He still has spending urges, but he has learned the joy of saving.
We have completely shared finances. By marrying, we created one family and one household – how could I share my life with someone if I couldn’t even share the debit card? Not to mention the hassle of itemizing expenses for the rest of our lives. Being frank and honest about our spending and saving habits before we married helped us get on the same page before diving into shared accounts, which I think made the transition SO MUCH easier. For example, it was a mutual goal for us to pay off my DH’s credit card debt and to purchase my “new” car in cash – even though we weren’t yet married. Living together helped facilitate the discussions for us – but you don’t have to live together to do so, and not everyone who lives together does so.
That said, we have continued the pattern that we established pre-engagement. We have FOUR bank accounts; we kept the accounts we had as singles and simply added each other for full access. My paycheck goes into one savings account, where the mortgage payment is automatically withdrawn. The extra goes into a high-interest savings account that is emergency savings so that just in case anything should happen, we can still pay the mortgage. (We currently have four months of back up, our goal is six months). My husband’s pay goes into the checking account from which we live (ie, utilities, groceries, entertainment). We transfer a set amount of money at the beginning of each month into a savings account that we use for short-term savings, for things like travel and car repairs. While the multiple accounts seem confusing, we choose to keep it that way because it conveniently separates our long-term savings, short-term savings, and spending money. It lets us easily track our saving status, which is helpful when we have a goal (such as $X,000 for a home remodel project) or a limit (we can by Y, but only if we still have $X,000 left in savings this month).
We use a credit card to keep it organized. This works by all of the household bills (gas, utilities, cable, cell phone, internet, rent, groceries, and new clothes etc) being taken straight from there and at the end of the month we pay the bill off completely by each paying 50% of the bill. We have a special savings account that we both contribute a set equal amount each month to pay for things like Christmas gift buying, big purchases, and vacation. We both tithe 10% of our own incomes each month, and we both put 10% into a retirement fund, 5% into personal savings. What ever is left of each income after bills and savings accounts are paid goes into a fun account that we use to do fun things together which is usually a fun night out or weekend trip.
Using the credit card gets us travel points or even cash back on certain purchases and we pay it off completely every month so we do not pay interest. We think it is very important to give back and to save as a couple and individually. As far as big purchases (for us that is anything over about $500-$600 in a month so yeah 1 pair of hundred dollar shoes (or for him golf clubs) doesn’t count but if I buy 5 pairs of hundred dollar shoes/clubs in a month there is going to be a discussion) we like to plan in advance and talk about it. Neither of us are big spenders and we have our priorities set. So what ever is left over at the end of the month is fair game to buy things for ourself or put into savings.
I make quite a bit more than he does but I also have a tremendous amount of student loans (in the 200K range) so I use my left over money to pay off school which is the reason I have left over money now. We both have the kind of jobs where if bills aren’t getting paid so there is not enough left over at the end of the month for fun stuff we both will agree to work an extra Saturday each month until we can do more of the fun!
This works for us for now because my debt basically puts us in the situation where we have equal salaries but I don’t know how that is going to work when the debt is paid off.
@Mrs. Pinot Noir: Haha, this is an issue that we run into, too. It doesn’t help that he has all kinds of tasty lunch options, while I only have the work cafeteria. We talked about it, and he tries to be better. When it bothers me, I reflect honestly on my spending and find that there are things that I spend money on that he wouldn’t. I try to focus on “it all comes out equal in the end.”
Mrs. Pinot Noir, New York/Napa Valley Age and Occupation: 24, Health Educator Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Market Researcher Engagement Date: November 10, 2007 Wedding Date: October, 2008 Blogging Since: June 25, 2008 Venue: Auberge du Soleil About Me: I am a Minnesota raised, NYC transplant planning a destination wedding in Napa. I'm balancing my love for the environment and my hubby-to-be's love for tradition to create our "green wedding in disguise." Our wedding will include local food and wine, antique touches and lots of love and laughter. When wedding planning isn't taking up my free time (and money) I love to read, cook, workout, watch baseball and travel! Follow along in my adventure as I attempt to plan an eco-friendly and socially responsible wedding (with eco-oblivious Mr. Pinot Noir).
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