Wedding Blog

I am old-fashioned, but we believe marriage means we share everything. We put our paychecks together every month and use that money for everything. We obviously talk about all major expenses.

I know that is not common these days but I personally believe in it… total integration as a couple.

Dear Mrs. PN,

Thank you for this article. I think finances is possibly one of the most awkward things to talk to one’s partner about. My fiance and I have been dating for over 5 years, and have lived together for the last 2. Since moving in, we have decided to maintain our finances separate, however, now that we are planning to be married we have decided to open a joint checking account which will be used to pay for our rent, utilities, travel, and hopefully a mortgage at some point. I am a big believer of financial independence though, so I have decided to maintain my own personal checking/savings account as well as my personal retirement accounts. I don’t know if this will ever change, but for the time being, we’re taking it one step at a time. Also, i think by having our own accounts we can continue to spend some of our own money on unnecessary things without annoying each other; I can continue to buy shoes, and he can continue collecting guitars.

I agree with acabride… the hubs and I share it all. He makes much more than me, but even if it were the other way around I would want to share everything. We are married - we are in it for life, and we will share everything. I know people say you need to take care of yourself first, but I believe we need to take care of each other.

We live seperately now, so we have seperate accounts, which is a bit of a pain. Once we move in together, we’ll get a joint account, and keep our seperate accounts, so we can spend from those as we wish. I also like the idea of having two savings accounts anyway. One for fun stuff like vacations, and one for an emergency fund. I already have weekly deposits sent to my savings, so I’ll continue doing that in addition to having deposits sent to our joint account.

We’ve been married since July, living together since August ‘07 and we still have separate accounts. Our incomes are about the same so he gives me money for his half of rent, and pays for the groceries, then I pay for internet, and the power bill. We also have a joint credit card that we are currently trying to pay off. Eventually, we will probably open a joint checking account and keep our separate accounts for when we want to buy something and for our own personal bills.

Hmmm good point Mrs. PN. I guess if we were different like that it would bug me. But we don’t really have issues like that. For the most part we discuss purchases. We are on the same page about lunches for example - we both eat out fridays, and bring a lunch all other days. We don’t really buy a lot of extra stuff but now that I’m thinking about it, there are times when I think to myself “hmm I would LOVE to buy that purse, but hubs will think it’s a waste of money” or times when he wants to buy a video game but I think he’s already got ten shoot-em-up games why does he need another???
Now you’ve really got me thinking!!!!

FI and I have been together for 4 1/2 years, living together for 2. We have about 10different savings accounts, half joint and half in just my name (altho we both put money in it like its joint). WE don’t even use all of them, we have some at a couple of different credit unions just to keep our standing with them. I have a school account(holds my refund checks from financial aid til I need it again), xmas, car, etc savings accounts that I put money into every month, along with separate retirement accounts. I plan on getting put on his group life and retirement accts at work as soon as we get married next year. We each have our own separate checking accounts, and all separate credit cards, with 2 joint. We are currently working separately to get out of our own individual debt before the wedding, then plan on buying a house. Right now, he pays for the car insurance, cell phone, internet, and most of the groceries (he makes a little more than twice what I do). I pay my own health insurance which is ridiculous since its an individual policy, as soon as we get married I will go on his health insruance also. I hope when we get married to have a jiont checking for household stuff, each separate checkings for whatever else, and various savings accounts (I like having separate ones for each category). I am just starting out with Wesabe trying to creat a budget that we stick to, which will be hard since we are still very much individual spenders. Any successful ideas on how to do this and still stay sane??

seperate accounts. we have a joint account for mortgage and split costs. And We still consider it all out money.

We use a credit card to keep it organized. This works by all of the household bills (gas, utilities, cable, cell phone, internet, rent, groceries, and new clothes etc) being taken straight from there and at the end of the month we pay the bill off completely by each paying 50% of the bill. We have a special savings account that we both contribute a set equal amount each month to pay for things like Christmas gift buying, big purchases, and vacation. We both tithe 10% of our own incomes each month, and we both put 10% into a retirement fund, 5% into personal savings. What ever is left of each income after bills and savings accounts are paid goes into a fun account that we use to do fun things together which is usually a fun night out or weekend trip.

Using the credit card gets us travel points or even cash back on certain purchases and we pay it off completely every month so we do not pay interest. We think it is very important to give back and to save as a couple and individually. As far as big purchases (for us that is anything over about $500-$600 in a month so yeah 1 pair of hundred dollar shoes (or for him golf clubs) doesn’t count but if I buy 5 pairs of hundred dollar shoes/clubs in a month there is going to be a discussion) we like to plan in advance and talk about it. Neither of us are big spenders and we have our priorities set. So what ever is left over at the end of the month is fair game to buy things for ourself or put into savings.
I make quite a bit more than he does but I also have a tremendous amount of student loans (in the 200K range) so I use my left over money to pay off school which is the reason I have left over money now. We both have the kind of jobs where if bills aren’t getting paid so there is not enough left over at the end of the month for fun stuff we both will agree to work an extra Saturday each month until we can do more of the fun!

This works for us for now because my debt basically puts us in the situation where we have equal salaries but I don’t know how that is going to work when the debt is paid off.

Among the marriage advice we received: separate checking accounts! But I also grew up with the belief that a husband and wife should share everything, including bank accounts. I think we have a happy medium: a joint checking account that both our paychecks get dumped into, and $500 “allowance” each month into separate checking accounts. I will never have to bother my husband about that extra round of golf he played with his buddies last weekend, and he will never have to know how much my expensive highlights set me back!

My Fiancee and I have separate accounts and separate credit cards. We each put our money in our accounts and pay for things out of our accounts. However, we have a budget set up for ourselves. We account for each penny we earn in one way or another. We’re both accountants, we have a system

We have joint expenses such as Rent, Utilities, Dinners, Groceries, etc. In addition to these joint expenses, we have our own individual expenses that are the same every month that we’ve thrown in with joint expenses such as Student Loan payments, Cell Phone Bills, and Credit Card payments. The strictly joint expenses are deducted 50/50 from our accounts and we each cover our portion of the other expenses. We also each contribute a set amount to our Savings.

The rest of the money from each of our respective paychecks is our discretionary spending and we can use that for clothing, lunches (we have a similar issue as someone above where I have GREAT uptown Dallas eateries in walking distance and he packs a lunch), entertainment, and basically anything else. We have “budgeted amounts” for each category, but basically I have like $XXX in my discretionary fund and if I spend it all on clothing, I will have to starve b/c I won’t have money left for lunch!!

It works out really well b/c it causes us to look at how much money we’re spending. Right now, we have a significant amount going towards paying off all our debt, but once we achieve that goal, that money is earmarked for my new car!!

Once we’re married, we plan on consolidating to one bank account, but we plan on keeping the same structure. With our budget, it doesn’t matter who pays for groceries or who writes the rent check and yet we can each still buy the things we want without having to get “approval” or worrying that we’re spending too much or worse, that our better half is spending too much!!

Hubs & I have a joint checking & a joint saving. Nearly 70% of our salaries goes into this. He makes more so he puts more into the joint savings. The joint savings is for big purchases while the joint checking is for bills, groceries etc.

We each have our personal savings & personal checking and an equal amount goes into these individual savings. I prefer to save money towards retirement and a rainy day.
Hubs would prefer that we merge all the accounts and just have 1 joint and 1 saving account. But I don’t want to get permission to buy a dress that’s a 100$ when I work so hard or buy myself a pair of earrings I long for.

Also I am not comfortable when Hubs goes out with the buddies and spends money drinking or eating out everyday or going for rock concerts a couple of times a month. So the individual checking accounts work well to avoid conflict since we have different needs when it comes to spending. We both are not big spenders but these differences also cause immense conflict.

I am a big believer in a woman being financially independent. I have seen women work hard to provide financially for their marriages and families, and have nothing to show for it. I have seen it in my own family – my mother , my aunt.

Life is uncertain and tomorrow if anything happens I would know I have some financial security stashed away.

Last month I paid all the bills / groceries & rent while hubs paid off a student loan he owed his parents. It really did feel good & we felt very united doing this. But as I said I believe a woman needs her financial independence.

I think we’ll do what several have mentioned - have a joint checking/savings account and then pull out a % each month for personal spending. FI is a little quicker to spend money than I am, so this would keep things balanced (and me less stressed!).

I have heard many times over from financial experts on TV that you should open a joint account but also maintain separate accounts. They always seem to emphasize that women should maintain one separate account.

We lived together for 5 years prior to getting married and have split things 50/50. We have separate accounts and opened a joint savings account after getting married in May.

we have a long 14month engagement, So we are still operating on a split 50/50, seperate bank accounts, no special marriage arrangements as of yet. We even have our own seperate wedding savings accounts by default because we are so 50/50.
I am not comfortable joining bank accounts, I did this with a partner before and when we parted it was a mess so it scared me into treating everyone like I did with my roomates, split down the middle housing, utilities, renters insurance, car.

he insists on paying for misc. ie. going out to dinner, starbucks, random outings, (he is a southern gentleman and will not accept me paying for him no matter how many times I have insisted

I will owe 80K in student loans when I am done with grad school, and I am adament that is MY DEBT. I will never expect or approve of him paying my debt.

As for future credit, a future mortgage, (doubt having a mortgage in CA is possible) dunno. it takes time to figure this stuff out, and I have a year to think about it and frankly, my credit is fair, and his is excellent so I feel guilty that I can impact his credit.

We’re both pretty frugal, so our question was how to fairly split up joint expenses based on the fact that he makes a pretty penny more than I do (and for extra confusion, gets paid at different times). We decided to have one joint account, and we put in 20% of each paycheck to cover mortgage, utilities, and groceries. Personal stuff we pay for individually, and if we go out, we alternate who pays, just like we did when we were dating.

We’re lucky that what we put in the joint account is actually more than our expenses, so there’s a little bit of gravy to play with. In the spring, the surplus was large enough that we decided it was time for a computer upgrade (for him, but I get to use it). Last month we took a two-week trip, and charged it all to his credit card. When we got back, we totaled it all up, divided by two, and that’s how much he gets to skip putting in to the joint account; it’s going to be about four payments. When the surplus builds up again, I think we’ll get a new refrigerator.