Wedding Blog
I’ve been married before. I was 20 years old. We did the whole wedding thing, and we were separated a little over a year later. So, when Mr. Fondue and I started talking marriage, I originally wanted to elope. I wanted to be married under a waterfall in Hawaii. Just us. No one else.
The problem was that Mr. Fondue hadn’t been married before and wanted all his friends and family to be there. So, the wedding planning began. (I wonder now if he regrets this decision.)
At my first wedding, my dad walked me down the aisle and presented me (even at 20, I didn’t want to be “given” away). Being older now, I thought it might be nice to walk down the aisle by myself, to show my independence. This is nothing against my dad, of course. I love him to death. But this being my second wedding, I thought it was a little silly.
I casually mentioned this to Mr. Fondue, and he suddenly turned all traditionalist on me.
Why wouldn’t I want my dad to walk me down the aisle and give me away? That’s what you’re supposed to do at weddings. He thought it was all rather strange. This is one of several things that Mr. Fondue has been adamant that we follow tradition about. And this all from the guy who is determined to sport a green Mohawk after the wedding.
So, I thought I would compromise and have both my mom and dad walk me down. They are both equally important to me, and I would be honored to have them both by my side. I still wouldn’t have them give me away, though. Mr. Fondue still thought this was weird and remained firm that my dad should be the one walking me down.
So, hive, can we show him that these ideas are certainly not weird? Who are you walking down the aisle with?
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Share this post: Mr. Fondue = Traditional?
In Jewish tradition both parents always walk the bride down the aisle. (And the Groom’s parents also accompany him down the aisle).
Jeez, thats tough. I think if you’re firm about explaining that you want this wedding to be different all around from your first it may help. That you’re not the same person who was presented before and you want the presentation to reflect that. That you’re a reflection of both your parents, or that you’re an independent being about to be joined with him.
Besides, life is all about compromise, and you didn’t get to elope, so he should prob give a little on this one given how important it seems to you….
I talked with my parents about having them both walk me down the aisle, but my dad seemed like he was very hurt by the idea, maybe b/c I’m the youngest? So, I’ll be walking with my dad.
That is funny when your fiance surprises you out of nowhere sometimes - my response is “Wha??? - Who ARE you anyway?” I think having both of your parents walk you down the aisle is a great idea - it sounds like a good compromise between what you want and what the Mister wants?
I wanted to walk down the aisle by myself but when i mention it I saw how much my dad wanted to walk me down the aisle ao i gave in.
I was adament to walk down the aisle by myself when we got engaged. We have an extra groomsman to escort my mom and my dad is no longer in my life. I also do not want to be “given” away, so I thought why not go at it alone? Now at only four months out, I still like the idea, but the thought of actually doing it makes me a bit sick to think about. All I can imagine now is falling on my face halfway down our short little aisle!
At my cousin’s wedding just this past weekend the bride walked out to the start of the aisle alone and then her groom walked up to meet her and escorted her down the aisle himself.
It wasn’t traditional, but it was so sweet and touching.
I’ve heard of several brides in similar shoes as yours (don’t want to be “given away”) who compromise this situation by having their father or mom/dad combo walk them half way down the aisle, to be met my the groom who escorts her the rest of the way.
You have so many options, hopefully all the replies you’ll get here will show your fiance that you can make your own traditions!
This is also my second wedding. I was married at 19 years old. My dad gave me away at that time and will give me away again this time. This is my FI’s first marriage, but I never thought of another alternative other than having my dad give away his little girl. No matter how much older I am, I will always be his little girl.
Both of my parents walked me down the aisle. My mom was the one that suggested it because “I raised you too!” so thats what we did.
What if your dad walked you half way down the aisle and then you walked the rest of the way to Mr. Fondue? Kind of a combination of both things.
I had both my parents walk me down the aisle too even though usually just your Dad walks you down in Sri Lankan tradition. I think its sweet to honor both your parents in that way. Does the mister still have a problem with you being presented instead of being “given away”?
I’m struggling with the “who” part as well… but for different reasons. My parents divorced when I was 2, and my stepfather has been in my life since 2nd grade. I’m getting an earful from both my mom and step-mom about what I should do and asking what I’m going to do. I almost want to say screw it and walk down by myself!!
I’ve seen lots of brides who have had both parents walk them down the aisle. I think that might be a nice compromise in your situation.
My dad isn’t involved in my life, so I’m having my younger brother walk me down the aisle. I figured it’s not as much “giving me away” as just him being there to support me and be a part of our special day.
I thought about this for a long time, but the idea of my dad walking me down was NEVER an option. My mom raised me so I either wanted to walk with her or by myself. I think I’ll choose to walk with her, but I don’t know if she’ll “give” me away. I’m not property, lol. Anyway, you could always walk halfway by yourself and meet your dad (and mom if you choose) halfway. Ultimately the decision is yours, and while I know you want to make Mr. F happy, I think you need to go with what is right for YOU.
Both of my parents walked me down the aisle. I love both of my parents dearly but my mom is like my best friend and I could not imagine leaving her out of that moment. She asked over and over again (even at the rehearsal!) if I was sure that is what I wanted. It was great having both of my parents there to calm me down and walk with me. Heck, if I could, I would have had my sister there with us but we would have needed a bigger aisle.
My Dad will walk me down the aisle. We’re really close and I can’t picture it any other way. However, there will be no “who gives this woman” nonsense. He’ll just kiss me and hug J and then go sit by my Mom.
I am always surprised by what aspects of a traditional wedding my FI wants and those he does not. I do love the Jewish tradition of both mother and father walking the bride down the aisle. Even if you are not Jewish, I think the symbolism is beautiful!
I certainly don’t think it’s weird… I walked down the aisle alone because I felt like I’d brought myself to that point.. I think the giving away thing is weird… though I completely understand the centimental aspect if you are close with your dad (My dad and I get along fine, but we are not close and I am not daddy’s little girl).
@AbbieOinCO: One of my friends walked halfway down the aisle with her step-dad then met her dad and he walked her the rest of the way. It was really nice. She danced with both of them too.
I hate the reasoning “because that is what you are supposed to do”. My lovebug uses it ALL TIME TIME. Blah! But he is cookiecutter about public events. He doesn’t want to be the different one, even though he is a life of the party. And I LONG FOR different.
It’s not weird! In Jewish tradition, both the bride and groom are walked down the aisle by both parents.
I’m walking down with just my dad, but i’ve had friends go down with both their parents. It’s all up to you, and it’s not weird 
I hope to have both of my parents walk me down the aisle. I say I “hope to” because we’re getting married in a very small chapel and I’m not sure yet whether the aisle will be wide enough.
Please don’t take this the wrong way. You should be very happy to have both of your parents at your wedding and able to walk you down!
lol - ahhhh the fun of fiance surprises! After reading a bunch of photog blogs, I decided that I was ok with a first look to get the pictures done ahead of time. I mention it to FI and much to my surprise I got a vehement “NO! I am not seeing until you are walking down the dock..err..aisle.” Well, ok then!
And for Mr Fondue - She’s not crazy, and its not a wacky new idea. Its a jewish tradition that is flowing over into the mainstream as many brides don’t want to be “given away” but presented and blessed by her parents.. mother included. Actually, I wanted this, mentioned it to my mother who went - “Heck no! Thats not my job!” … Well, ok then, again.
My father’s best friend is walking me down the aisle. I know kind of weird. But my father died 9 years ago after a hard battle with brain cancer. Before he passed away, he asked his best friend to please look after my mom, sister and I and to please stand in his place when we got married and walk us down the aisle. My mother and Albert (the best friend) revealed this to me after I got engaged. It makes me happy that my father took care of me even after he passed away.
Both of my parents will be walking me down the aisle, we will stop by their seats and do hugs and kisses, they’ll sit, and I’ll walk the last few feet on my own. To me, this is very symbolic of the fact that they’ve always been there for me, but since becoming an adult I’ve stood on my own two feet and made my own decisions. My FI doesn’t care, but my mom isn’t too happy about it — she’s a lot more traditional than the rest of us and thinks only my dad should walk with me — but she’ll do what makes me happy.
I love hearing about what everyone else is doing!
@Mrs. Margarita: He did say that the “give away” wording didn’t need to be used. Especially since we went to a bunch of weddings this summer and I pointed out that none of them said that, haha.
@luckycat: That is a really sweet idea!
@AbbieOinCO: One of my bridesmaids had a similar problem when she got married last year. She has a dad who is not really in her life, a stepdad who pretty much raised her, and a new stepdad that she is also close to. She chose to have her grandfather walk her down to avoid any drama.
@EmilyQ: This is something I’m really considering. To get the the aisle, I have to descend some stairs first, so I was thinking of walking down those myself and then meeting my escort(s) at the bottom of the stairs to walk me the rest of the way.
He gets the wedding his way, you should at least pick who you walk down the aisle with and I feel like you already compromised by saying you’ll let both parents walk you down instead of you walking by yourself.
@MsUsUk and @Lillindy: We’ve both compromised a lot in other areas as well; this is just one example. He said when we first got engaged that all he cared about having were eight best men and a full bar. Well, it looks like we’re not going to be having a full bar after all, so there goes one of the two things he really cared about the most. And he has such strong opinions so rarely, I feel the need to compromise on the few things he does bring up, if that makes any sense.
I don’t think it’s weird at all. I’m going to have both my parents walk me down and no one is giving me away.
As for for the whole compromise thing… well, I don’t know, maybe this is this wrong way to look at it, but why can’t you each choose how you get up there? You can go however you want (solo, with both parents, or any other way) and he can choose however he wants to get there. The point is that you’ll both get to your destination and then you’ll be together and be married.
Ok. I’m also an encore bride too, Miss Fondue and I have to say something and it’s hard to write.
My dad won’t be walking me down the aisle. You see I lost him 9 years ago to heart failure.
If I knew that his being there for me and him wanting to walk me down the aisle, my past marital status (I was married for 8 years) wouldn’t matter because I would just want the man who gave so unselfishly to my sister and I growing up and who was always there for me wanted to be at my side.
There might come a day that you would WISH your dad could even do that. I almost always tear up when I think of this.
Knowing that, my grandfather will be giving me away. Escorting me, whatever you will call it. Give his job any label you want to. I find no problem in tradition and as I’ve never questioned the independence of any bride as she walked down the aisle. All I notice is her joy and beauty. And I’m an extremely independent woman also and everybody who personally knows me can attest to that.
I feel that tradition is also a glue that helps bind ties and a wedding is about two families coming together and out of THEIR love for their children, a new family is formed.
My dad is overjoyed and looking forward to walking me down the aisle. I think he is most excited about this “job.” I want to honor his excitment and a small part of me still likes the traditional aspect of it! Good luck with your decision.
Having both your parents walk you down the aisle is not weird. I walked myself down the aisle and, if anyone thought it was strange, no one mentioned it.
However, I would have loved for me and my partner to walk in together, but he was determined to be surprised by my dress and I could appreciate that nod toward tradition!
I’d rather have my Mom walk me down the isle because I am very close with her and have issues with my Dad…but to avoid drama I’m having both of them walk me down the isle.
I’m nervous about the ceremony, and I think having them there will make me feel less shakey. (I’m not nervous about getting married, just having everyone’s eyes on me when I do it)
I’d like to have both parents walk me down the aisle. They divorced when I was pretty young, and while my dad was always involved in my life, my mom raised me. That said, my dad is paying for the whole shebang, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings. There’s also the small fact that my parents can’t stand being in the same room together. So I’m going to have just my dad walk with me, in the hopes that it will be a special father-daughter moment for us to treasure.
I like the term “fiance surprises.” Mine has been adamant about some weird things. Like, he really wants me to have my veil over my face, I don’t mind because it’s got a neat historical note to it, but it surprised me that he cared that much.
although my fiance and i are having a secular ceremony, we’re incorporating the Jewish tradition of having both of our parents walk each of us down the aisle. this was especially important to me (even though I’m not Jewish) since my mom pretty much raised me on her own after my parents divorced when I was eight. I think she deserves to be recognized and appreciated just as much (if not more) than my father!
I’m having my mom and dad walk me down the aisle. Since they are divorced it was an important way for me to show them how they are both equally important to me. I am not being “given away” though. My pastor doesn’t like that, since she it kind of seems like transferring property or whatever. I don’t care too much either way. But instead we will have all our close family stand up, and the pastor will ask for their blessing. Which I think is kind of neat.
Both of my parents walked me down the aisle. Mom was determined not to do it (she’s all about tradition) but she ended up doing it
like a lot of other bees, i’m having both parents walk me down the aisle. they are equally important to me and raised me the best they could in their own ways (they divorced when i was 3). i could not imagine leaving my mom to walk with a random usher while my dad escorts me… so they’re both doing it.
My MOM! Yes I have a dad. Yes I have a step dad. Yes they will both be there. No I dont care, I want my mom to walk me!
I had both parents walk me down the aisle, and actually my husband also had his parents walk him down the aisle! It was a traditional church wedding, but we preferred the symbolism of having both parents escort us in: our parents were ushering us into a new part of our lives as we became our own family.
That said, the church aisles were a little narrow, and since hadn’t practiced with my full skirt on, my parents both stepped on my dress. I was a little upset in the moment that it hadn’t gone exactly as planned, but we have some great pictures of us all laughing our way down the aisle.
No one will walk me down the aisle. . . my father passed away my senior year of high school. Everyone has their right to their opinion, but if it were me, I’d have my father do it no matter how many times I’d been married.
My parents walked down the aisle together just ahead of me. I love them, but I have made my own way in the world. They have guided me through the years, so it felt fitting for them to do exactly that on my wedding day. They deserved a position of honor, but I gave myself to my husband.
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Miss Fondue, Nashville
Age and Occupation: 27, Technical Analyst
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Network Admin Student/Senior Game Advisor
Engagement Date: December 25, 2007
Wedding Date: May 2009
Blogging Since: September 14, 2008
Venue: Ravenwood Golf Club
About Me: I’m your average computer geek marrying a gaming geek and trying to find a good balance of elegance and geek chic in our wedding. I adore The Sims, Nintendo, cosplay, (good) music, TiVo, theme parks, and our two crazy felines.
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