Weddingbee Blog

We’re having a traditional gift list because there is some stuff we want and we know some of our friends and family like to get physical gifts but we’re also having a money list. Confetti, the UK site, does a wishlist debit card. So you list items like the honeymoon or a new bathroom suite or whatever and people can contribute as much or as little as they like. What we then get is basically a bank account with a pre-paid debit card so we can spend the cash anywhere, on anything even if it wasn’t on the list.

Since we’re being honest, I do not like the poem. People know what a card box is, and they’ll put their cards in it (ours was a bird cage too; no one was confused). I did put a card in the birdcage in advance (one that had arrived in the mail) on the off chance that someone didn’t know that they were supposed to put their cards in there. I’ve never brought cash or a checkbook to a wedding - I write the check in the hotel room, put it in the card and seal it before I go to the church - (I go to an average of 6 weddings a year for the past several years, traveling for most). If your FI wants red envelopes due to his culture that is another thing, just set them next to the birdcage, but if it is cultural, you don’t need a poem to explain it.
I think you should register at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Register for a lot of things in every price range. People who want to get you a gift will use the registry (and you can return it for cash) and people who want to give you $ will do so regardless if you have a registry. If you don’t have a registry, you end up giving away a lot of gifts because you 1.) don’t have room for them and 2.) don’t know where to return them (they are probably regifts)! People are usually gift people or $ people - gift people give gifts (even if there isn’t a registry) and $ ppl give $, even if there is a registry. Also, I have heard of people who usually give say $100 gifts (set of china) who give only $50 in cash if they are TOLD to give cash instead of a gift… Let people give the way they are comfortable giving, it is most polite to just not mention your preference for cash.

Hi Miss Dumpling,
This is a dilemma my fiance and I are also facing with our friends on the continental US. Our families are all used to giving money at weddings, especially since we’re in Hawaii. In fact, I had never heard of a registry until I worked in a department store in college. It is definitely a cultural thing so that’s why it’s not weird at all for your fiance’s family. Most of his side will just give you money in an envelope so you probably don’t need to provide it. A nice card box should be fine (also seen at every wedding in Hawaii). I think you can spread the word through mouth via your bridal party and family (like Miss Lemonade said). The money dance is also very cultural so maybe you can give a little primer to your side of the family so they understand it’s cultural.

Sorry, but you have to nix the poem! Even though I almost always give cash/checks to friends/family at weddings (it’s just what you do where I’m from) that poem is over the top. Put the birdcage out and leave it at that. Some people will drop off cards that don’t have $ inside and that should be OK, too. Register for a few token gifts and spread the word (tactfully) that you don’t want china or household gadgets. People will get it without the poem.

I may be confused but Honeymoon registries are really just cash registries. Couples set them up as a cute way to pay for their honeymoon or whatever they want. I don’t think the website admins are looking over your account to demand that you must use the money you go on a trip.

Also, I am not super impressed by the poem/card thing. Sorry, I still heart you. It just looks a little off. The cultural thing is nice but it may be off putting to other guests. Plus, how will you know who gives you cash money (as opposed to checks) if its just in an envelope without a card. This could be important when it comes to TY notes.

Like the previous posters, I think that people who want to give you money will and will bring a card and envelope on their own. You don’t need to encourage or discourage either way.

I don’t think the poem is needed. I understand the cultural thing, but since all your guests are not from that culture, some will probably be offended. I think this goes along with most wedding practices these days… Some people will think its great and logical and straight-forward and others will not like it.

If you don’t expect cash I would not register and not say anything about wanting cash over gifts. Most people will get the message anyway since you didnt’ register.

An alternative is to ask for giftcards from a store that you frequent like Target or something. You can use it for normal purchases in the months following the wedding.