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Mr. Peng and I are finally married, and one of the great perks about being married is finally breathing easy when it comes to holiday work parties. I remember when we first started out in the workforce, and my girlfriends would stress out so badly about who they were going to bring to their company holiday parties. People would go to great lengths, flying their long distance boyfriends up for the weekend just so they would have a date to their highly anticipated end of year bash.
Mr. Peng and I were at dinner and he mentioned that his company holiday party was coming up. I lit up a little; I work at home so I don’t really do the whole “interact with people” thing on a regular basis. Office politics fascinate me. This guy hates that guy, that girl spits in that guy’s coffee, that girl is gonna get fired… wow! It’s like living in an episode of “The Hills”. Okay, not really, but I’m still quite fascinated by the whole office dynamic. Mr. Peng works in a small practice with about 10 people on staff, and they all get along fairly well… they often hang out after work or on the weekends to play poker, so it’s a decent dynamic.
Anyway, he broke the news that the economy is rough this year (no surprise there) so they’ve decided not to invite significant others to the holiday dinner this year.
This actually works out really well for his office, as his boss’ partner hates coming to these types of functions, and the rest of the office (aside from us, of course) are either single people or in new enough relationships where they would probably feel more comfortable coming alone anyway. So, good for them. The only catch is that the dinner is being held on a weekend.
I understand that the economy is tight, but I can’t honestly say that I’m not disappointed. This was going to kind of be our first “coming out” as a married couple at their office, and I was very much looking forward to it. What I don’t understand is that I always thought that the point of holiday work parties was to bring together the office and their families. So what’s the point of a dinner with just his office mates to celebrate the holidays? On a weekend, no less? Why not a $20 coffee card and a pat on the ass? Or a holiday LUNCH party during the week?
Ultimately, we decided that he’s not going to this party. As a new wife, quite frankly, I was a bit hurt. I’m not one to typically care about things like this, I’m quite content to spend a weekend alone when Mr. Peng heads to a bachelor party or a golfing weekend, but this one really struck my nerves. Maybe because it involves the holidays, and after all, the holidays are all about family to me.
So, enlighten me.
Is your company or your SO’s company having a holiday party? What size office do you work in and are SO’s invited?
They usually send out invites to his a week before it happens in late December, so I don’t know yet. It wouldn’t surprise me if SO’s don’t get invited.
Since the rest of his office is mostly single people, and it would probably just be you, why wouldn’t they make it spouses-only?
I think you’re totally right. Holidays are about family, and the point of the holiday office party on a weekend is to have the office family meet the real-life family. Otherwise they should be at lunch or during the week.
I work for a television network in NYC and SO’s are not invited to our holiday party. This is the third network I have worked for and it has always been that way and the parties are usually on weekday nights after work. My fiance works for a larger television network and their party is on a weekend night with SO’s invited- but it’s in January.
Neither my firm nor my fiance’s firm invites spouses to their Christmas parties, and it drives me crazy. Both of our old firms did, and it was a lot of fun (well maybe not a lot, but it could be pretty funny watching some of the normally straight-laced people drink too much). I agree that the point of these things is to bring co-workers and their families together, and it’s weird to me that both of our firms limit it to employees only. I think it’s the standard in our city, though. Anyway, I feel for you, and I don’t blame you for being upset about it.
I work for a very small law firm, so our company holiday party includes spouses. My husband works for a small financial planning firm that actually doubled in size with a merger this past year, and as of right now, the holiday party will include spouses, as they did last year. However, my father works for a large engineering company that has grown so much, they stopped inviting spouses several years ago, and I have seen the effect it has on my mom, so I understand your disappointment. I’m with you; holidays are all about family for me, too.
I frankly am appalled at the thought of a company not including SOs at a Holiday party!! If the economy is to blame, you could most definitely opt for a less expensive party and include SOs!! My coworkers have never met my Fiancee and our Holiday Party will be the first time for them to put a face with the name I speak so often!! I agree with you totally on the Lunch thing, if its going to be only employees, have the party during the day.
If it was my workplace, I would definitely not attend if that was the situation!
I go to Mr. DE’s work holiday party. SOs, whether you are a spouse, serious couple or a fling, are invited. They are usually on a Friday night and are fun since they have lots of employees (at least 150). It’s kind of like a wedding reception because there is a great meal, a cookie buffet, open bar and dancing.
My work does an employee-only thing (there are only 9 of us) during the workday. Usually a lunch or some snacks in the conference room with a goofy gift exchange. Our SOs aren’t really invited but they are welcome if they stop in. Having it during our workday makes it hard for them to come anyway, so it’s rare that anyone outside of the office makes an appearance.
both of our company’s parties were canceled due to economic reasons….but we were going to CA anyway…they were both coincidentally on the same nite!
In the investment company I work for, they cancelled the big corporate partys back in 2001. Those allowed a guest to come with you. Since these had been cancelled, my small department decided to host an annual potluck holiday party every year for our group of about 50 employees. It is held at our managers home during business hours, and guests are not invited. But last year I attended, without my FH in tow as requested, only to see some of the employees had shown up with their babies and husband/wife anyways. So I guess with smaller events, maybe the employers let family crash the party (but don’t advertise it).
@Picasso30: A potluck sounds really really nice! Heck, I’d even be willing to host it! Honestly if they took the $500 they are planning to spend and put it all towards booze and mixers at Costco, and we all brought food I think it would be one heck of a great party. I mean $500 of alcohol is insanely overboard, but you get the point 
I still wouldn’t have the guts to crash the party, especially because it will be a sit down dinner at a nice restaurant.
I work at a large law firm and significant others are never invited to holiday parties. My fiance works in finance and guests aren’t invited to his holiday parties either. Actually, most of my friends in NYC work for companies that don’t invite guests to parties. I would think that inviting significant others would be the exception not the norm.
in my view, they can EITHER not invite SO’s OR have it on a weekend, not both
I don’t think it’s very smart of the company, employee-morale wise, to cut SOs out of the holiday party when they were invited in previous years!
I work in a small investment bank and we probably have a couple firm events every year (holiday dinner, summer BBQ) where SOs/families are welcome, and even expected. Our events are always on weekdays, too, since they try to be sensitive about keeping our family time sacred. FI works from home but his old firm was family-friendly too.
If I were in your position, though, I would be insulted that the firm expects employees to give up a non-work day to attend an event at which family is not welcome. Major party foul!
My company has always invited SOs to our Christmas Party and we’re doing it again this year. We know that the majority of our office wouldn’t show if SOs weren’t invited b/c everyone lives so spread out.
FH’s company however doesn’t have a company Christmas party apparently the President and another (or two) higher-ups having dinner together, which I’m sorry is BULLSHITE!
My experience is, if SOs are not invited to the party on a paid basis, then at the very least the company encourages you bringing “guests” at x dollars per person, which is no less tacky, but slightly more social. That really sucks!
I work for the State- so we don’t have a budget for a holiday party. Instead we throw a pot-luck in our conference room during the day. This year it’s on a Friday from 12-5pm. SO can come, but most don’t. I think that Mr. Pen should still go to his office party. Time spent with co-workers outside the office (or in a non-work capacity in my case) actually ends up being really valuable to a team and fostering relationships with others.
That’s my 2 cents, but I understand that you want to be with him around the holidays.
@KSW: You make a great point, I never thought about it that way!
I think if SO aren’t invited you should hold the party on a weeknight or during the workday, but not on the weekend. I understand it being nicer for singles, but if you are married it should be automatic your SO is invited! That’s my two cents…
…and besides his coworkers should be ecstatic to meet his new bride
I went to our fancy shindig at the DC Ritz last year by myself and swore that would be the last party I went to alone. This year our party was canceled. :\ I was looking forward to getting dressed up and introducing him to everyone, but oh well. Maybe another year. At least in our case, these parties cost six figures and above, so I understand why they were cut out entirely, or why companies are eliminating SOs attendance.
my company regularly invites so’s [married, dating or even a friend!] even though our holiday party tends to be in the evenings after work. at my previous job, there were only 10 employees so they just held the party during the work hours with a catered lunch.
either way, i agree that they should either have invited so’s or had it during the week and not on the weekend.
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Mrs. Penguin, Northern California Age and Occupation: 27, Weddingbee Editor in Chief Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Doctor of Physical Therapy Engagement Date: January 29, 2007 Wedding Date: June 7, 2008 Blogging Since: September 14, 2007 Venue: Winery in the Gold Country About Me: I love the Spice Girls, dogs with underbites, bean burritos, making messes, high fives, avoiding showers, crossword puzzles, blogs, weddings, and blogs about weddings!
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