Wedding Blog
Mr. Peng and I are finally married, and one of the great perks about being married is finally breathing easy when it comes to holiday work parties. I remember when we first started out in the workforce, and my girlfriends would stress out so badly about who they were going to bring to their company holiday parties. People would go to great lengths, flying their long distance boyfriends up for the weekend just so they would have a date to their highly anticipated end of year bash.
Mr. Peng and I were at dinner and he mentioned that his company holiday party was coming up. I lit up a little; I work at home so I don’t really do the whole “interact with people” thing on a regular basis. Office politics fascinate me. This guy hates that guy, that girl spits in that guy’s coffee, that girl is gonna get fired… wow! It’s like living in an episode of “The Hills”. Okay, not really, but I’m still quite fascinated by the whole office dynamic. Mr. Peng works in a small practice with about 10 people on staff, and they all get along fairly well… they often hang out after work or on the weekends to play poker, so it’s a decent dynamic.
Anyway, he broke the news that the economy is rough this year (no surprise there) so they’ve decided not to invite significant others to the holiday dinner this year.
This actually works out really well for his office, as his boss’ partner hates coming to these types of functions, and the rest of the office (aside from us, of course) are either single people or in new enough relationships where they would probably feel more comfortable coming alone anyway. So, good for them. The only catch is that the dinner is being held on a weekend.
I understand that the economy is tight, but I can’t honestly say that I’m not disappointed. This was going to kind of be our first “coming out” as a married couple at their office, and I was very much looking forward to it. What I don’t understand is that I always thought that the point of holiday work parties was to bring together the office and their families. So what’s the point of a dinner with just his office mates to celebrate the holidays? On a weekend, no less? Why not a $20 coffee card and a pat on the ass? Or a holiday LUNCH party during the week?
Ultimately, we decided that he’s not going to this party. As a new wife, quite frankly, I was a bit hurt. I’m not one to typically care about things like this, I’m quite content to spend a weekend alone when Mr. Peng heads to a bachelor party or a golfing weekend, but this one really struck my nerves. Maybe because it involves the holidays, and after all, the holidays are all about family to me.
So, enlighten me.
Is your company or your SO’s company having a holiday party? What size office do you work in and are SO’s invited?
|
Share this post: Holiday Jeer
They usually send out invites to his a week before it happens in late December, so I don’t know yet. It wouldn’t surprise me if SO’s don’t get invited.
Since the rest of his office is mostly single people, and it would probably just be you, why wouldn’t they make it spouses-only?
I think you’re totally right. Holidays are about family, and the point of the holiday office party on a weekend is to have the office family meet the real-life family. Otherwise they should be at lunch or during the week.
I work for a television network in NYC and SO’s are not invited to our holiday party. This is the third network I have worked for and it has always been that way and the parties are usually on weekday nights after work. My fiance works for a larger television network and their party is on a weekend night with SO’s invited- but it’s in January.
Neither my firm nor my fiance’s firm invites spouses to their Christmas parties, and it drives me crazy. Both of our old firms did, and it was a lot of fun (well maybe not a lot, but it could be pretty funny watching some of the normally straight-laced people drink too much). I agree that the point of these things is to bring co-workers and their families together, and it’s weird to me that both of our firms limit it to employees only. I think it’s the standard in our city, though. Anyway, I feel for you, and I don’t blame you for being upset about it.
I work for a very small law firm, so our company holiday party includes spouses. My husband works for a small financial planning firm that actually doubled in size with a merger this past year, and as of right now, the holiday party will include spouses, as they did last year. However, my father works for a large engineering company that has grown so much, they stopped inviting spouses several years ago, and I have seen the effect it has on my mom, so I understand your disappointment. I’m with you; holidays are all about family for me, too.
I frankly am appalled at the thought of a company not including SOs at a Holiday party!! If the economy is to blame, you could most definitely opt for a less expensive party and include SOs!! My coworkers have never met my Fiancee and our Holiday Party will be the first time for them to put a face with the name I speak so often!! I agree with you totally on the Lunch thing, if its going to be only employees, have the party during the day.
If it was my workplace, I would definitely not attend if that was the situation!
I go to Mr. DE’s work holiday party. SOs, whether you are a spouse, serious couple or a fling, are invited. They are usually on a Friday night and are fun since they have lots of employees (at least 150). It’s kind of like a wedding reception because there is a great meal, a cookie buffet, open bar and dancing.
My work does an employee-only thing (there are only 9 of us) during the workday. Usually a lunch or some snacks in the conference room with a goofy gift exchange. Our SOs aren’t really invited but they are welcome if they stop in. Having it during our workday makes it hard for them to come anyway, so it’s rare that anyone outside of the office makes an appearance.
both of our company’s parties were canceled due to economic reasons….but we were going to CA anyway…they were both coincidentally on the same nite!
In the investment company I work for, they cancelled the big corporate partys back in 2001. Those allowed a guest to come with you. Since these had been cancelled, my small department decided to host an annual potluck holiday party every year for our group of about 50 employees. It is held at our managers home during business hours, and guests are not invited. But last year I attended, without my FH in tow as requested, only to see some of the employees had shown up with their babies and husband/wife anyways. So I guess with smaller events, maybe the employers let family crash the party (but don’t advertise it).
@Picasso30: A potluck sounds really really nice! Heck, I’d even be willing to host it! Honestly if they took the $500 they are planning to spend and put it all towards booze and mixers at Costco, and we all brought food I think it would be one heck of a great party. I mean $500 of alcohol is insanely overboard, but you get the point 
I still wouldn’t have the guts to crash the party, especially because it will be a sit down dinner at a nice restaurant.
I work at a large law firm and significant others are never invited to holiday parties. My fiance works in finance and guests aren’t invited to his holiday parties either. Actually, most of my friends in NYC work for companies that don’t invite guests to parties. I would think that inviting significant others would be the exception not the norm.
in my view, they can EITHER not invite SO’s OR have it on a weekend, not both
I don’t think it’s very smart of the company, employee-morale wise, to cut SOs out of the holiday party when they were invited in previous years!
I work in a small investment bank and we probably have a couple firm events every year (holiday dinner, summer BBQ) where SOs/families are welcome, and even expected. Our events are always on weekdays, too, since they try to be sensitive about keeping our family time sacred. FI works from home but his old firm was family-friendly too.
If I were in your position, though, I would be insulted that the firm expects employees to give up a non-work day to attend an event at which family is not welcome. Major party foul!
My company has always invited SOs to our Christmas Party and we’re doing it again this year. We know that the majority of our office wouldn’t show if SOs weren’t invited b/c everyone lives so spread out.
FH’s company however doesn’t have a company Christmas party apparently the President and another (or two) higher-ups having dinner together, which I’m sorry is BULLSHITE!
My experience is, if SOs are not invited to the party on a paid basis, then at the very least the company encourages you bringing “guests” at x dollars per person, which is no less tacky, but slightly more social. That really sucks!
I work for the State- so we don’t have a budget for a holiday party. Instead we throw a pot-luck in our conference room during the day. This year it’s on a Friday from 12-5pm. SO can come, but most don’t. I think that Mr. Pen should still go to his office party. Time spent with co-workers outside the office (or in a non-work capacity in my case) actually ends up being really valuable to a team and fostering relationships with others.
That’s my 2 cents, but I understand that you want to be with him around the holidays.
@KSW: You make a great point, I never thought about it that way!
I think if SO aren’t invited you should hold the party on a weeknight or during the workday, but not on the weekend. I understand it being nicer for singles, but if you are married it should be automatic your SO is invited! That’s my two cents…
…and besides his coworkers should be ecstatic to meet his new bride
I went to our fancy shindig at the DC Ritz last year by myself and swore that would be the last party I went to alone. This year our party was canceled. :\ I was looking forward to getting dressed up and introducing him to everyone, but oh well. Maybe another year. At least in our case, these parties cost six figures and above, so I understand why they were cut out entirely, or why companies are eliminating SOs attendance.
my company regularly invites so’s [married, dating or even a friend!] even though our holiday party tends to be in the evenings after work. at my previous job, there were only 10 employees so they just held the party during the work hours with a catered lunch.
either way, i agree that they should either have invited so’s or had it during the week and not on the weekend.
This was a point of bitterness in our newlywed bliss as well. My husband works for a very large (very.large.) company who always throws pretty awesome holiday parties at art galleries, museums, thatsortathing. Well, this year they decided to scale back because of the economy and have the party on the same night (Saturday) and same location without guests. I was CRUSHED because similar to your situation this would have been our newlywed coming out with his company. He decided when we found this out that he didn’t want to go anymore (good choice, hubby… good choice.) So yeah… yadda yadda two weeks go buy and they email all the staff again. They are no longer having a weekend dinner party. It will now be in the office… on a weekday… and will be a potluck. Fun times right?! haha
My company is having our party the same night as my husband’s should have been. So his party being cancelled eliminated our need to party hop. But now I just found out my boss is sending me to San Fran to work that weekend. It’s very sad. No holiday parties…. and I have to work. 
Where is this all headed? Basically, I totally feel your pain. Holiday parties are full of awkward fun and watching the bosses get messy. I am really going to miss the opportunity to show off my husband and get in some great people watching.
This gives me an opportunity to mention something that I’ve always thought was SO WEIRD about my Ph.D. program: significant others are basically never invited to anything. Technically, you can bring your S.O. to the holiday party, but it’s considered somewhat gauche. When I began the program, that was great with me, because I didn’t have anyone to bring. Now I’m engaged, and it feels strange. I still go to the parties, but I feel marginally guilty. I’ve always wondered if this is specific to my program, or if it’s some sort of generalized doctoral student behavior.
I think you’re taking it too personal. I wouldn’t stop my husband from going to an office party. Yes, it sucks…but it’s nothing against you.
I have a different point of view tho…my company’s dinner is for employees to bond…no SOs invited…my FI doesn’t take it personal.
My company loves any excuse to eat, so I usually end up with at elast 3 holiday feasts: one for my department, one with the whole company during work hours, and the ‘formal affair’ on the weekend. It’s ridiculous! I think I’ve gained 10 pounds since I started working there :(. By the time I get to the family holiday dinner, I’m desparate for anything but holiday food…so we have a Mexican food potluck every year on Christmas Eve!
I’m in grad school as well and we have to pay for our hoilday party. The department chips in some money and makes the bookings but anyone who wants to go has to buy a ticket.
Last year I paid $25 for my ticket and $30 for my partner. Expensive night for poor grad students
Taye - my program is the same way… SO are never ‘not’ invited but no one really brings one and if you do you get weird looks. Really weird looks…
I’m in science… I assumed it was the nerdy akwardness….
My office is huge and SO’s are never invited to the holiday party. I agree that it’s strange to have a big party outside of the office and NOT invite people’s families, but at least ours is usually on a weeknight after work, so it’s not like we have to waste a weekend on it.
Our cahirman let me know that we are having a “dinner out at a nice restaurant.” Oh, and I should figure out where we are going and SO’s are invited. Our office is only six people plus one additional offsite person so a “party” wouldn’t be practical. All but 2 of us in the office are married. There is my Fi and a young analyst has a girlfriend. The only person we haven’t met is the chef husband of the chairman’s assistant. So, no worries on the SO front. I have worked in small offices most of my adult life. When there is only one or two people aside form the office a nice lunch is usually all you get.
i totally hear what you’re saying and where you’re coming from. man i’d feel pretty dang disappointed too. however, wouldn’t mr. peng feel awkward/uneasy about NOT going to the office party at all since they are, after all, his co-workers. also b/c the office is fairly small so pretty much everyone will know if he doesn’t show up. i know you feel upset about the whole thing, but maybe him going to the party for only a few hours, just to show his face and acknowledge the party, is the better thing to do.
My DH is a Ph.D student and every year they have a group dinner (each person pays for themselves) and they always invite their SO, friend whatever. The single people really stick out in those events because everyone is coupled up. They always hold them during the week too (and on my birthday last year). I would be really annoyed if they switched things up like they did for Mrs. Penguin. DH research group has always been a bit cliquey and some people like to gossip about the ones who don’t participate in all the outside activities (like my DH) but he doesn’t seem to really mind. I get that it is important to have a good working relationship with your co-workers but your family is suppose to come first, and that is the most important relationship of all. If wifey ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy
Not ONLY does my fiance’s company NEVER invite SO’s… they have DANCING at their holiday party! What the heck is that all about? I know I am the jealous type already but this seems outrageous to me!! BTW, this is, like, I don’t know, probably the biggest company in the world (literally).
I understand your point, but this is your husband’s work, which is probably a big source of income for you both. Isn’t keeping the boss happy important? Especially in such a small office? I think of office parties as work, just a bit more fun. His one night at dinner is a (small) investment for both of you in his career.
our company alternates every other year. this year, we’re holding a weekend party and guests are invited. but next year, the party is being held during the weekday for employees only. this seems to work well and keep everyone happy.
I do agree with you, Mrs. Penguin, that since guests are not invited to your husband’s party, then it should be held during the day. since his group is so small, a nice holiday lunch during the day would have been the perfect solution.
but I would like to echo some of the above comments that attending the party could be a valuable sacrifice for your hubby’s career, though I do not agree with his company’s choice.
My job has about 30 employees and we always have something at work, a potluck type of lunch and a gift exchange, and our SO’s are not invited.
My SO’s job has about 30 employees as well, and their holiday party is on a Friday night in early December, they get it catered, free cocktails, and SO’s are able to come… it’s really nice and I really look forward to it every year.
My company is having an office holiday party this year, and the SO’s will be invited, like usual, because the partners’ wives are the ones that plan it! There are only 12 people in our office and until next September, I am the only one who is not married!
Last year was the first (and possibly only) year they did a “family” type event where people were encouraged to bring their kids, too.
There are about 150 of us, and attendance is mandatory for employees even though it’s outside work hours.
Q: does this suck?
A: yes.
Families are invited, and the people with kids seem to like it, but in the eight years it wasn’t mandatory, I only went once. It was…pretty awful. And now that we’re forced to attend, it’s just as bad, if not worse. My husband probably would come if I begged him, why make him miserable?
we’re probably not going to have one this year like last year. they didn’t do a whole company thing.. they gave each department money per head in their group and the managers took us out for lunch, etc on company time. this is fun but i always look forward to husband’s because they have a great parties in the presdio with open bar!!!!! lol. it’s fun to see his coworkers drunk. and to get dressed up. and they always give out great raffle prizes… like a free vacation. wahhhhhhhh. i wish they did that here.
you can come to mine girl! we gotz office dramatics… ehh i mean dynamics galore over here yo!
My fiancee’s company invites SO’s but my company didn’t last year. It makes for an ok party, but kind of lacking b/c lets face it I see ALL of these people every day and I’d rather spend the time after work with my FI instead of my coworkers… I have no idea what my company will do this year though.
i work at a company of about 5k employees. ever since i’ve been there (5+ years), the company has never had a “formal” holiday party. instead, they take the money that they would have spent on a holiday party, pick a charity, and get involved with the charity, which varies each year. they get employees involved by contributing time, donating, etc, and build a lot of hype around it so that employees get excited. personally, i think this is more rewarding than a holiday party. kids, spouses, and employees can all get involved, you help those are less fortunate, and the company usually throws a casual, informal “party” to celebrate or support the charity to which everyone is invited. there’s more to the holidays than a formal company party!
My office has a party and my FI came with me last year, but we are an out of the ordinary office. There was no drama, as far as I know, those who didn’t have significant others came stag and no one cared. On the other hand, my FI is in the Coast Guard and there is a holiday party thrown for all Coastie Flight students. I looove to go to that as I know a good chunk of the people and the CG is a small enough community that if you talk for more than 5 minutes, you probably know people in common with everyone. My family is friends with a world renown artist who lives down the street from my parents, so taking my FI to their Christmas party was quite the big deal.
I don’t think your feelings should be hurt. Your husband’s office holiday party is not for you. If you were that concerned about “coming out” to the office, why didn’t you invite all of them to your wedding? And what was your attitude about single guests bringing a plus one to your wedding?
It seems like the company is acting in the best interest of the company (scaling back) and the employees (you said most were single). Would you feel this way 5 years from now?
It is still a holiday party and is being treated as such (ie dinner out on the weekend). You shouldn’t take it personal.
My office does a holiday party and employees are welcome to bring a guest.
@M: Funny you should ask, every single guest at our wedding was allowed to bring a guest That was our prerogative. That everyone coming to the event should feel comfortable and be able to have a good time.
Would I feel this way in 5 years? That holidays and holiday parties are about family? Absolutely.
We didn’t invite all of his coworkers to the wedding precisely so that we could allow all our guests that were invited to be able to bring a date.
I work for the government and frankly, our holiday parties are not something I look forward to. First of all, they’re lame. Secondly, we have to buy a ticket. I’d love an excuse to get out of going!
It’s not that I don’t like my coworkers. They’re all pretty cool. But the ones that I like, I already socialize with outside of work. I couldn’t care less about having an office party.
I think it is strange that so many places choose not to invite SOs. Whats the point of having a party without guests. I see these people every day, and the party is already pretty lame, I think it would be even more lame if I didn’t at least have my SO with me.
Everywhere I’ve worked has always invited SOs (married, engaged, serious bf, or fling). In the past it has been rather upscale, paid for by the company. This year, the company has decided to put the money towards a charity since there are so many people in need this year.
Many of my coworkers were upset with no excuse to get drunk and have free food, so I think we will be doing a catered event at someone’s house instead and some of the more financially secure people will be pitching in to pay for the event.
IDK last year my company had an awesome party, open bar, great food, casino tables, very fun ! and SO’s were invited. We also we got to go to DH’s company party which was smaller, but still fabulous, we went on a trip to wine country for a tour of Moet and ate dinner at the Culinary institute…
I don’t know what will happen this year, but I have great memories of both, and going to holiday parties always helps get you in the spirit of things, so I understand your disappointment, and agree that if they are not inviting spouses, it should be an extended lunch party, or during like “happy hour”
neither one of our companies are having a holiday party. they used to have big ones here, then came the merger and well, no fun no more
My FI’s work party got cut this year, but I was always invited to go. I’m glad they aren’t having it b/c I didn’t really like going!
My DH’s company is huge, so there are no SO’s invited on the grounds that no place would hold everyone. It really stinks though, because he’d been working with people for a year that I’d never met and that we were inviting to our wedding!
I agree- what is the point of having it if not to meet people’s families?
I just started my new job on December 5, and I felt obligated to attend my office holiday cocktail party even though it was no SOs and my birthday! My husband didn’t mind at all - he said it would give him more time to prepare a surprise for me when I got home. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be even though I still don’t really know anyone in the office and they embarrassed me by having the restaurant bring out the dessert with candles on it and singing me happy birthday. At least the party was on a weekday evening (Thursday) - we already had b’day dinner reservations for Friday anyways. Besides, my husband’s firm had a fancy holiday shindig which we had attended the weekend before.
| Visit our sister sites | Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Fertile Thoughts Infertility Support |
Mrs. Penguin, Northern California
Age and Occupation: 27, Weddingbee Editor in Chief
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Doctor of Physical Therapy
Engagement Date: January 29, 2007
Wedding Date: June 7, 2008
Blogging Since: September 14, 2007
Venue: Winery in the Gold Country
About Me: I love the Spice Girls, dogs with underbites, bean burritos, making messes, high fives, avoiding showers, crossword puzzles, blogs, weddings, and blogs about weddings!
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 |
Latest Gallery Pics