Wedding Blog
I have been wanting to blog about my dress situation for weeks, but this subject has been really touchy for me! Right after I joined the hive, Mrs. Onion asked me if I would be making my own wedding dress. I’m sorry that I rudely avoided your question, Mrs. Onion! Whether to make or buy my gown was an extremely hard decision to make, and I wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. I seriously labored over the decision for months.
I’ve made some wedding worthy dresses in the past. Lace, Tulle, Satin… these are fabrics that I am very familiar with. My first dress was bias cut and made from chiffon! I was out of my mind. Here are some examples of my work:
I was going for the vintage bullet bra look here.
The back of the skirt was all hand sewn! My hands hurt just thinking about it. 
I used wire to create an over skirt with organza.
This could work for a bride in black…
The question was so much more complicated than I initially thought. My gut reaction was easy- I did want to make my dress! Although, since I have made some really involved dresses in the past, I know how much work and attention needs to go in, and how they can consume my life! I honestly felt that If I did make the dress, many more things that I would like to personally craft for our wedding would fall off of the table, if not 90 % of them. There was also a huge possibility that I would become unhappy and resent the dress by the wedding. Think of how much one can stress out over a project that takes a whole weekend… this would be many, many weekends.
There were other reasons that made me want to buy a gown instead of designing it myself:
1. Mr. Taffy and I moved in together a month after he proposed. I would not have a private area to work on the dress, and he would see it for sure before the wedding. I may be old fashioned, but I really wanted my dress to be a surprise. When I sew, my projects happen to become scattered all over… it would be impossible to work on it in small sections when he wasn’t home, and hide all of the materials every time he came into the house.
2. It is more difficult to fuss over fitting details when you are making a dress for yourself. I didn’t want to worry constantly about the fit, in addition to the design, in addition to the deadline to finish!
3. This was maybe the biggest reason- I am laid off, and currently looking for a new job. This was tough- you would think that I would have all of the time in the world to sew, since I’m not working, but it is way more important for me to spend my energy job searching than sewing my wedding gown.
4. It wouldn’t save money. The quality of fabrics that I would want would probably cost as much as a purchased gown, and the hours and hours of work to design and sew the garment… don’t even get me started!
My mom made her wedding dress and veil. Here I am playing dress up with her gown as a child:
My mom’s advice? A very firm “Don’t do it!!!” She said that she was sewing things until the night before the wedding… late into the night! Can you imagine the stress???
Ok, as you may have guessed by now, I decided to purchase my wedding gown. In some ways it broke my heart, but I know that I made the right decision. I did have one hard rule to meet: The dress had to either be too complicated for me to make, or the fabric had to be something not easily available to me, or too expensive at the consumer level.
I’m also making some compromises: I’ll be making my veil, and I might make a bolero or a shrug to wear over my gown. Do you remember the bolero that I made for Miss J?
This way, I will still have the satisfaction of designing and making things for my bridal attire, and creating these things won’t eat up my time and budget. Making your own veil can save you lots of money!
*phew* That was a little painful to write. Can you still tell that I feel a little guilty? Although I do have to say, the feeling did fade a lot when my dress arrived last week, and even more when I tried it on! I’ll be posting some pictures soon…
Have any readers thought about making or made their own gown?
PS- please be kind with the comments… this is a touchy subject! 
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Share this post: The Dress - To Sew or Not to Sew?
Your work is absolutely gorgeous!!!! That bolero is sooOooo ethereal and romantic. You will have a ball dress shopping since you know what “quality” is. Hope you feel like a princess in your dress.
I am not talented enough to ever imagine making my own gown. But I do understand your reasoning behind not making your own. I think you made the right decision in the end. And making complements defintely is a good idea. That way it’s a joint effort between you and the designer of the dress you bought. The final product will be beautiful you on your wedding day and you’ll be able to personally accept the complements knowing that you did put some of your creative time and energy and expertise in making this and that to go with the end product. Let me just add as a side note, your work in amazing!
your work is SO beautiful! wow… i think you made a very good compromise =) hats off to you!
i love your dresses… but yeah, buying seems the way to go!
Your work is SUPERB! I think that your decision to buy was very smart, buying quality materials can be very costly not to mention finding a place to sew without the Mr. peeking! Kudos to you, I think every bride should be able to experience trying on dresses. I hope you have a grand time shopping. Oh and BTW the bolero is gorg! I have had the hardest time trying to find beutiful bolero’s, when it comes time I may hire you to make me one!! Good Luck with everything.
oh miss taffy! i never meant to stress you out. i was asking what i thought was an innocent question.
that being said — i totally understand your decision. congrats on making it and we can’t wait to see what you picked and the lovely accents you make to go with it!
You made the right choice! And the idea of creating your own touches to add is a smart one. I’m in awe of the dresses you featured on your page! I wish I was as talented.
your work is wonderful! i can only imagine how much stress you’d be under if you made your own dress– i’ve seen brides stay up until the wee hours of the morning working on things like escort cards and favors…!
and i LOVE that bolero. are you taking orders? i’m looking for one for my wedding!
I think you made the right choice! And I’m sure even the top wedding dress designers choose someone else to make their dress!
Your dresses are amazing, first of all.
At some point in August my mom and I were flipping through wedding magazines and I was showing her dresses I liked. Most of them weren’t complicated and while I was drawn to a lot of tulle, I also was intrigued by the ones made from swiss dot and even..eyelet. And my mom said she could make some of the dresses I had pointed out, especially since the fabrics weren’t fussy ones.
An aside: My mom has sewn dresses for me up until my high school graduation. She gets commissioned from time to time to sew custom drapes and other random projects. She’s a pro. But she’s also aware of her limits when it comes to difficult fabrics and techniques. She can hand sew pinch pleats but I’m not sure about her feelings on rouching, basically.
The pros for me are these: better fabrics, an out of this world fit, and, excepting the time to make it, budget-friendly.
I think if it were me who had to sew the dress, I would buy it as well. I’m highly critical of anything I make and I think the process wouldn’t be very fun for me. You made the right decision for you, I’m sure.
“Have any readers thought about making or made their own gown?”
I am planning on making my own gown ^_^ However, I don’t care if my fiance sees it so that isn’t a concern to me and I haven’t been able to find anything in stores that I like.
I think you made the right choice for you. I have memories of a friend of mine sobbing the night before her wedding as she madly stitched together the finishing touches on her gown. She was trying to not get tears on it, and many of us stayed up all night with her getting it done. She looked beautiful, but paid a huge mental price.
You are very talented, so I can understand the desire… Mega-kudos for being in tune enough to do this very consciously!
Since I make cosplay costumes, every around me seems to assume I will be making my own dress (because that’s apparently the same). I end up having to explain to them that I am not going to stress myself out that much, so I definitely agree with your decision!
Wow, you are amazingly talented. I can totally understand your decision. I spent so many hours on small projects (things like programs and welcome bags and a unity candle… all of those things add up to many evenings). I cannot, literally cannot, imagine such a massive project at the same time.
Your so skilled Miss Taffy, that black dress, oh how I drooled over those photos! Your so awesome! I agree with your mom and I agree with your choice, even though it was a hard one to make.
I think you made the right choice! I think that making your own veil, and perhaps a bolero will be very special. Think about it this way… there’s a good chance that you might be able to pass on your veil to a future daughter– moreso than a dress! So definitely put your love & effort into that, instead of driving yourself crazy about the dress.
And I don’t think you should feel guilty about this– a wedding is supposed to be a wonderful, happy time. If sewing your dress would cause even an ounce of stress (which we know it would!), then its not worth it! There’s no need to freak out and spend soooo much time on your dress (especially if you aren’t saving $), when you could buy a dress, and put all of that effort into the other wedding details!!!!! :)
Omg I am duly impressed. Hats off to you miss taffy! Your work is impressive! Its beautiful, ethereal, and just simply GORGEOUS!
I think you made the right decision. I would never have the talent in a gazillion years to make my own wedding dress (or any dress!), so I wonder if I’d make the same one! It would have been fun to see a Bee make her own dress, but not at the expense of your sanity! And you can always make other things in the future.
You are so talented! - from everything you said, it sounds like you totally, completely made the right decision.
I hasd the same dilema. I have never been dress shopping! I’ve made every dress since high school. When it came to my wedding dress it was a no brainer, but the hard part was narrowing down my designs. In the end I have two dresses that are completly different and I can’t decided between. Also my mom will never have the dress shopping experience because I made mine and my sister wants me to make hers as well. That’s the one downer for me.
I am a florist by trade, and on top of all the other DIY I did for my wedding, I did my own flowers too. Because I had so many other details to attend to the week of the wedding, I ended up working on my flowers right up until three hours before the ceremony. I actually had to drag myself away to get ready! I learned that doing the flowers for my own wedding wasn’t nearly as satisfying as arranging flowers for others.
This is what it comes down to - after I’ve spent 80 hours on a project over the course of a week, whether it is an architectural model, a piece of furniture, or wedding flowers for a client, I don’t want to see it again for a few days. That is why I love delivery day - I get to pack up my creations, make an event beautiful for my client, and then walk away and relax!
I agree with your choice Miss Taffy. You should grant yourself the time to relax and take care of other details on and before your wedding day, instead of stressing yourself with a project that feels like work to you.
I wish I had the talent to even think about making my own dress. I’m envious of you.
I love your work! What a hard decision… but it sounds like you made the best choice for yourself. Congrats and can’t wait to see your dress and accessories!
I’m drooling over the photography! Did you take all the photos yourself? The dresses are just stunning.
Your work is stunning and you did make the right decision, and I can’t wait to see what you picked. I would also buy a dress from you any day…maybe you have a future career on your hands.
Thanks so much for all of the kind words and support!!! You are awesome.
@Mrs. Onion: Oh no, don’t feel bad! You had no idea I had such inner turmoil about the subject. I’m just sorry it took me so long to post this!
@briannie: Not currently, due to the job search! When is your wedding? (maybe I will have a job soon!)
@doctorgirl: I have seen this as well. I was even asked to draft a pattern for the skirt of her gown a week before the wedding!!! It was a nightmare.
@anon: That’s awesome!
@Miss Fondue: I know how you feel! Almost everyone asks me if I’m going to make it, and I’m sure they will even ask on the wedding day!!! It makes me wince just thinking about it!
@Vic004: I’m so glad that you like it!!! It’s my favorite.
@janet: I agree about not wanting to see it again for a few days. And I know there is no way I would be done 3 days before… I would always try to change this or that last minute!
@Mrs. Avocado: Thanks, Avo! I took some of the pictures, and my awesome friend Derek took the rest.
Everyone is right, your dresses are stunning!
I totally understand why you wouldn’t want to make your own, that is a lot of extra stress to put on yourself before you wedding. I can’t wait to see what you find
Miss Taffy, your work is beautiful! I think it’s great that you will still be able to put your talents to use for making other aspects of your wedding day attire. I can’t wait to see what accessories you come up with!
I would very much like to make my own dress, because I’ve always dreamed of doing it and because I’m fairly misshapen (tall but short waisted) and nothing fits me right in the stores and I don’t want to be stressed out about how my wedding dress doesn’t fit me right! (I’m guessing the alterations would be as much as the dress.)
I think we will end up with a pretty long engagement, so my hope is to make my dress and finish it early enough that if it does stress me out or I hate how it looks, I would have enough time to buy one. I don’t know how realistic it is. (Probably not at all.)
I understand how difficult a decision this must have been for you to make. I know very well that it may be the decision that I end up making, and I know that I will reread this post when I have to decide. I too will probably feel guilty and torn.
Thank you so much for writing this!
I feel your pain! I have a heartache about not making my dress - even months after the wedding. I feel like I could have written your post, because I had the exact same thought process and feelings.
In the end, I wore a beautiful dress that I couldn’t have made myself, particularly for the price. But I’m still really bummed that I didn’t make my wedding dress, even knowing that it wouldn’t have been the same quality and would have really stressed me out. Doing it would have made me feel very satisfied. I guess it’s kind of like Mrs Bubble Gum and her cake - except she had the guts to do it!
Sorry, I didn’t mean for this to be such a bummer of a comment. Really, you should be comfortable about your decision. I don’t think there’s a “right” way to go - and you made your decision based on sound logic.
PS - Those dresses are AMAZING!!
@Erin: No, I don’t take it as negative, I feel the same! I know that I will always regret it a little, but to me it’s not worth the stress and insanity that it would bring. My jobless situation helps too- I think that I would regret not putting 100% into the job search more. If I have the time and the whim, I might make a fabulous dress for the rehearsal, which I know I can do for a bargain.
@EDB: I am glad that this post helps! It is such a hard decision to make.
@Miss Deviled Egg: Thanks, Miss Deviled Egg! I’m excited too!
If your mother, having been there, done that, said it was the most rewarding-wonderful-do it again in a heartbeat thing, you might have cause for seconds guessing. But since she’s a hands down supporter of you NOT making it yourself - GUILT BE GONE!! Less stress, and you’ll still have some of your own handmade details. I think you made a great decision. (Your previous work is beautiful!)
O-M-G, Taffy you are so talented. Seriously. If you lived in SF, I’d commission you for sewing lessons.
You made the right decision. I think about how crazy the process was just to make invitations and I can’t imagine how stressful it would be to sew an entire gown. I can’t wait to see the dress you picked!
Wow! You’re amazingly talented! Do you have an etsy site?
I love the work you do! Those are gorgeous pieces! I totally understand why you wouldn’t want to make your own gown. My mom sewed my older sister’s wedding dress and when I got engaged, she immediately offered to sew mine. All I could remember (other than that my sister’s dress was FAB) were the arguments they had while making her dress. Needless to say I was very hesitant to accept. I went dress shopping a few weeks later (it’s never too soon, right?) and fell in love with a dress. My mom wasn’t with me then, but the next time my parents were in town I took them to the bridal shop to show them the dress. The entire time I had it on, my mom was dissecting the dress and pointing out that she knew how to do this and that. We didn’t order the dress but scheduled another time to come. A month or so later when I was home, my mom took me shopping at a high-end fabric store “just to show” me some laces she thought were pretty. Well, I found a lace I thought was beautiful and somewhere in there my mom convinced me to let her make my gown. And what Miss Taffy says about it not always being the cheaper option is true! The lace we purchased, alone, was $350!
As much as I would have loved to see your creation. I am glad you decided to buy a dress because planning a wedding as you know is stressful enough making your dress would have been too much.
I too am thinking about making my veil and I don’t know the first thing about sewing I figure I have a long time before the Wedding in April 2010 to learn… LOL
I will be looking out for your post when you make your veil because I am sure you will have something inspiring. I hoping I can make Mantilia veil and any pointers from someone like you will be awesome!!
@Starry-Eyed Barefoot Bride: I agree! I wasn’t expecting such a strong response from my mom voting against it, and I definitely take her advice to heart!
@eggplant: Thanks Mrs. Eggplant! I am hoping to do some more sewing tutorials here in the future.
@bnybny: Yes!
http://www.sugarfree.etsy.com
@Meganleigh: I know, lace is so expensive! I was hoping for all natural materials, and bridal silk is ridiculous.
@Excited for Change: I may have some lace on my veil, but even if I don’t I am planning on putting a tutorial up on how to sew with lace / attach it to sheer fabric. I have some good tricks up my sleeve! I did do a post about a plain gathered tulle veil already if you are interested:
http://www.weddingbee.com/2008/10/29/veils-bridal-accessories/
I think it’s great that you want to make your veil! Practicing with tulle is always safe because it is so affordable. Good luck!
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Your dresses are gorgeous! That takes skills, hon… I know! I made both my sisters wedding dresses. They were beautiful and something they will always treasure (I also treasure being able to give them this gift)… but both times were incredibly stressful. People have asked me many times if I will one day make my own. I no longer agonize… the answer is a resounding “No way on earth!” LOL! So don’t feel guilty about your decision! I’m sure you will still look and feel amazing on your wedding day… no matter what you wear.
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Mrs. Taffy, Ann Arbor
Age and Occupation: 28, Color and Materials Designer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Automotive Designer
Engagement Date: May 9, 2008
Wedding Date: May 2009
Blogging Since: September 14, 2008
Venue: University of Michigan Union
About Me: I’m a girl who is crazy about Mr. Taffy, sewing, dancing, almost all types of sweets, and our cute pet canaries. I dislike touching fuzzy fabric of any kind, eating somewhat squishy food, and Michigan winters. Mr. Taffy and I are having a blast planning our Ann Arbor wedding, and cannot wait to share our day with friends and family.
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