Wedding Blog
Here is a very interesting article about the symbolism behind diamond engagement rings. I’ve always thought that it had its roots in the very early tradition of giving wedding bands, but apparently it’s a more recent phenomenon.
Until the 1930s, a woman jilted by her fiance could sue for financial compensation for “damage” to her reputation under what was known as the “Breach of Promise to Marry” action. As courts began to abolish such actions, diamond ring sales rose in response to a need for a symbol of financial commitment from the groom, argues the legal scholar Margaret Brinig—noting, crucially, that ring sales began to rise a few years before the De Beers campaign. To be marriageable at the time you needed to be a virgin, but, Brinig points out, a large percentage of women lost their virginity while engaged. So some structure of commitment was necessary to assure betrothed women that men weren’t just trying to get them into bed. The “Breach of Promise” action had helped prevent what society feared would be rampant seduce-and-abandon scenarios; in its lieu, the pricey engagement ring would do the same. (Implicitly, it would seem, a woman’s virginity was worth the price of a ring, and varied according to the status of her groom-to-be.)
M. O’Rourke, “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Worst Friend” [Slate.com].
The idea that my ring is nothing more than an expensive piece of insurance to make sure that my fiance follows through on his promise is a little disconcerting. I know that the author of the article I linked to would say I’ve been brainwashed by the diamond industry, but I’m not ashamed to say I love my ring!
To me, it symbolizes the fact that I am getting married, that I’m loved and wanted. That my fiance got down on one knee and made a promise that we would spend the rest of our lives together. It signifies romance, not a ball and chain.
What do you think about the symbolism behind engagement rings?
*Photo via here
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Share this post: Diamonds are a Girl’s… Huh?
This comment has been deleted for violations of Weddingbee’s comment policy.
@ blah OUCH I’m not sure attacking someone so rudely will change their mind on a ring they already own, but I’m guessing your comment will be filtered out, anyway…
while I agree the diamond industry has its issues, my diamonds are from my mom…and I love to look at them, and I take great strides to do other “green”/socially conscious activities in my life…
That seemed a little rude and unnecessary…
Personally I found this very interesting. It could be because I haven’t been visiting the site for as long as some, but I had no clue as to the history and symbolism of diamond engagement rings! Thanks for posting this (and I agree, I love my ring as well!).
(Sorry, the first part of that comment was @blah–I should have specified!)
My engagement ring was a pearl because of the history about diamonds and the famous DeBeer’s campaign. We had dated a long time and I saw no point in spending so much money on a engagement ring. To me it would have been a waste of money.
My wedding band is made of diamonds and it’s probably my most favorite item that I own. Because of what it symbolizes and because yea, its gorgeous.
While I really don’t have issue with any one who chooses to go the traditional diamond engagement ring route I just always wondered why you would pay more money for the ring that symbolizes a brief period of time (engagement) as opposed to the ring that really symbolizes your mutual commitment to each other (wedding ring). I guess your post kinda cleared that up a bit.
@blah:WOW.
I love my ring. The stones are conflict free, and even if they weren’t, I’d still love it.
It’s beautiful, and I feel happy wearing it, and that’s enough for me.
I don’t care about the roots of it, and I don’t care if people scoff at the “throw money away on me” aspect as blah said.
I agree with blah. People spend $2,000 plus on diamond engagement rings (and much much more on their weddings), while people all over the world are struggling to feed themselves. We need to get our priorities straight.
As I read back on it, I see how harsh I was. Sorry for that Powder Puff. I was mostly annoyed at the whole topic and the idea that people keep bringing it up all the time but no one really ever changes their behavior—including me. I also have a large sapphire bauble and when I wear it I get so much positive feedback that I feel guilty about that. When I don’t wear it, people are concerned and comment on the fact that I don’t have a ring. A girl cannot win either way.
I personally didn’t know this particular tidbit of history behind the engagement ring, so THANK YOU for enlightening me. I appreciate the efforts you went through to write this post!
Personally, I say this…, your ring is what you want it to be. Diamonds, gemstones, brilliant round, or radiant cut… or no diamond at all… let it symbolize for you, what you want it to… b/c at the end of the day, people will always have judgments, theories, ideas, criticisms etc… As we all know in planning a wedding (and just living life)- we can’t please everyone, so try to at least enjoy your moment(s)… AND your ring!
Sometimes its easy for some to throw stones from glass houses!
I’m surprised that so many people didn’t know this…
While it’s certainly an archaic purpose of the engagement ring - they still can serve the same way. The ring is still considered the woman’s property to keep if something happens to the engagement, and I’ve known several women who have recouped costs from an ended engagement by selling the ring.
Honestly, the ring still functions to legitimize the engagement. There’s typically a skeptical response to an engagement without a ring. If the ring was only a symbol of being “loved and wanted,” then it would easily be replaced by another sign of affection without monetary value - which of course it has not been.
I love my ring and I know FH loves it too 
He is really proud of what he picked out and knows that I will wear it forever. I know what the reason behind diamond rings was in the past, but today they mean something different and that being said they mean something different to every couple.
Miss Powder Puff - I think your ring is gorgeous, it reminds me of my Great Aunt’s engagement ring, that was partly FH’s inspiration for my ring.
Please understand that I never meant to inspire an argument about the diamond industry with this post. I was unaware about the origins of engagement rings, and I found this article interesting. When I read interesting things I like to share them. That’s all.
Remember - the bees that write here are real people with real feelings. Think about that before you post, please.
I found this post interesting. I like to know the history behind practices. Part of my interest in the origins of practices is because of an interest in the way practices, and their meanings, evolve. I obviously don’t think that a woman’s virginity has been bought when I see her wearing an engagement ring now, but I can sort of see how a ring’s meaning now could have evolved from that, and I think the evolution gives it deeper meaning, rather than cheapening it, at least to me.
@ blah’s 2nd comment: I agree with the people don’t take you seriously comment!
A friend of mine is Coptix-Orthodox (sp??) and was born in Egypt so she had a more formal engagment through her church and tradition (for her) was not to have an engagment ring but to exchange wedding rings at the engagment and wear them on your right hand until your marriage when you switch them to the left.
Her hubby also wore his wedding ring on the right hand through out their engagment and NO ONE took them seriously (except thier families that understood the tradition). She had an awful time booking vendors because they wouldn’t believe she was getting married without seeing a diamond.
I was really surpised multiple vendors would act like this… She’d go to appointments with her hubby-to-be, offer up the deposit, agree to sign contracts… and still they’d suggest she come back when she was ‘officially engaged’
Needless to say she took her business elsewhere.
I love my ring. I love what it symbolizes. Even if rings started out with a different meaning, say insurance, I don’t see my ring representing that at all. My fiance proposed with the same diamond his father proposed to his mother with 30 years ago. It represents the love and commitment in their marriage and the love and commitment my fiance is making to me.
That tidbit of legal history behind the engagement ring was fascinating!
The conflict between what symbols have meant historically vs. what they mean to us personally is something a lot of women grapple with as they plan their weddings, I think. We know intellectually that a white dress is supposed to symbolize virginity, and that the veil has patriarchal origins, and that the diamond engagement ring is largely a marketing creation. But that doesn’t necessarily override the emotional attachment we have to those things. When I look at my ring, I don’t see DeBeers, or a symbol of my fiance having “purchased” my virginity. I see his grandmother’s ring, and I think about the day he gave it to me. I think that’s why, despite rising awareness of the history of certain traditions, more of us don’t buck the trend — the personal, emotional context is much more powerful than the historical, intellectual one in shaping how we feel and what we want.
everything comes about for a reason - oddly enough a majority of the wedding traditions are along these lines though you can often find varying histories on alot of these things.
flowers - to try to distract from the smells of the peoples in olden days when showers and soap were not readily available
heck the wedding itself - a gift to the groom for taking a family’s daughter
presents - the dowry for the man again because a daughter wasn’t worth as much as a cow and 3 chickens
etc, etc. it’s better off just not to look into this stuff sometimes : )
I would say that all traditions are complicated and hard to figure out.
No one knows who decided to drag a tree into a room once a year in December but now we think nothing of it.
I know the tradition of a Diamond actually dates back to I want to say the 1500’s when an earl gave his fiance a diamond ring. But it wasn’t til the 1930’s when DeBeers wanted to make some moolah and started advertising that it became common.
As for me, I’m still not sure if it’s fair that only women get an engagement ring (I got my guy and engagement rockband set) and I sort of bypassed the diamond issue by getting a sapphire. But I still love my ring and I know it came from love.
It’s actually more of a tradition these days. I see NO way that an engagement ring is an evil, bad thing..and most diamonds, if purchased from a reputable jeweler is conflict free these days. Just ask your jeweler you are dealing with.
Blah, I think the comments were a little coarse.
Now I have known of one girl I used to work with (at another hospital) who didn’t have a per se engagement “ring” but told everybody they were engaged, (he said it too) and it did end up falling through. She even purchased her dress. In that case, i think having a ring around with some value to it is helpful. We actually all wondered if it was real..the engagement that is. But we loved and supported her thru it.
It doesn’t matter what outward sign you have fof an impending marriage , as long as you know you’re in a 50/50 committment with each other and that respect and honor along with a deep love is in the relationship.
However, as for me, I will require an engagement ring. Just my preference.
bellenga … if your co-worker said she was engaged, and her fiance said they were engaged … they were engaged. Whether you thought they were or not is irrelevant. Whether they had a ring or not is irrelevant.
Yes, the relationship may have ended, in which case it was a broken engagement. But you seem to be implying that not having a ring was a symptom of their failed relationship.
Not having an engagement ring does not make you any less engaged any more than not wearing a wedding ring makes you any less married.
And yes, I have an engagement ring, and yes, I will be wearing a wedding ring. I like them, and I like the symbolism of them. But I still know that they are a material representation of something bigger. And I would never pass judgement on someone who chose not to have either.
Regarding the status of the ring in the event of a broken engagement: Some states consider an engagement ring to be a conditional gift that must be returned if the engagement is broken. Men have sued for the monetary value of the ring when women refuse to return it.
I, too, have an engagement ring, but it’s a pink sapphire instead of a diamond. It seems that people still don’t think I’m “really” engaged or that it’s an engagement ring because it’s not a diamond. Before the DeBeers campaign, engagement rings (when they were given) were usually other gemstones. Don’t get me wrong, I lvoe diamonds (which is why I have diamond side stones), but it’s amazing that many people are so conditioned to seeing diamonds that they don’t even recognize other stones as being “legit” engagement rings.
One of the great things about human culture is that the meaning behind things changes with time. Despite the fact that the original purpose of the engagement ring was a bit of an insurance policy, I think very few mean that now. Don’t many women return engagement rings to men if the engagement is broken? Sort of defeats the ‘insurance policy’ purpose. Choosing eco friendly jewelry is great, but that is a different issue as well.
I love my engagement ring, and I would even if it symbolised something horrible… my ring is GORGEOUS. I think the meaning behind engagement rings, in your post isnt inaccurate even now. Except now its kind of like insurance that someone is serious about the relationship. Andrew spending AU$3,500 on a ring definately made me feel like he really wanted to marry me… even though we’d talked about marriage for 5 years I agree with miss powder puff about ‘feeling loved and wanted’ thats also what I think it symbolises and i think in a way thats what the meaning behind it has always been anyway.
I think there most be many ‘origins’ for the engagement ring…I didn’t know this one but I knew another. Maybe that was the story stateside!
@blah: BLAH!I personally LOVE interesting articles like that, and I dont think it’s ever appeared on the Bee before…at least not while Ive been reading. My ring symbolizes “hey, look everyone! i know we’ve been dating for 100 years, but now we’re really making it official!” SOOO just kidding. My ring is just a token of commitment and love and i wouldnt care if it was diamond or not.
I love when Bees post articles of interesting little tidbits!
I absolutely love my engagement ring, no matter the history of diamonds. In my family it is expected that a woman receives an engagement ring (usually a diamond) as a signal that the man is not only committed to the relationship, but also is saying “i care about her enough to show you that I can take care of her, and no matter what happens I will be up to the task financially.” So, in my family, no one gets engaged without SOME sort of ring, because the male must show he are fiscally responsible. Families are funny.
Another way to not have so much guilt is to use CZ’s. As long as you get them cleaned often they look like diamonds to the naked eye. And cheap, cheap, cheap!
When my husband and I decided to get married we went out and bought wedding bands - instead of an engagement ring. We kept them in their boxes until the day we were married, which was about 11 months later. A lot of people, friends and family included, found it difficult to believe that we were engaged without an engagement ring. There were even vendors who refused to talk to us because of it!
We’ve been very happily married for 3.5 years now, and you can bet that we won’t ever shop with or recommend the vendors who wouldn’t recognize our engagement!
@MollyJane: wow, what kind of vendors are those? you NEED to have a diamond to book them? hope she didn’t book them, they don’t deserve to get her business.
I’d never spend that much money without knowing the history behind it. I’m still getting (conflict-free) diamonds because I have always loved their fire, they don’t clash with stuff and I haven’t seen any convincing fakes (yet) that don’t cost as much.
I agree that the symbolism has gone way beyond an obligation. I think it’s a symbol of love and fidelity to the person/relationship rather than a bargaining chip or a “claim check.” I agree too that I LOVE my ring, I think most women do! Everytime I look at it I think of my Mr. and his proposal, and our love, and promise to love and be with each other always. I think rings will always be a status symbol in the eyes of many, but to the woman wearing it, it is so much more (hopefully)!
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Mrs. Powder Puff, Chicago
Age and Occupation: 25, Preschool Teacher
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Career Services
Engagement Date: May, 2008
Wedding Date: July, 2009
Blogging Since: November 12, 2008
Venue: Outdoor ceremony, banquet hall reception
About Me: I am your typical Midwestern girl attempting to plan a sane, budget-friendly, fun wedding to the man of my dreams. I love shoes, laughing at “Platinum Weddings”, crafts, inspiration boards, candy, and basically anything I can DIY. While weddings can certainly be all-consuming, I honestly can’t wait until the ceremony is over and I can finally call Mr. Powder Puff my husband!
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