Wedding Blog
(Cheesy title, yes, but I really couldn’t help myself!)
I showed you our Save the Dates, but what I didn’t tell you is about is who’s getting them. All said and done, we’ll probably only be mailing about 12 to 15 of these babies out. Oh, and we are expecting to invite 175 - 200 people. I know it doesn’t add up, but the reason we are only sending them to a handful of guests is simple. We are only sending them to people who will have to make travel arrangements.
Most of our guests live within an hour of our wedding ceremony and reception site. And most of them are already aware of the wedding and the date it will be held, so sending them a Save the Date seems redundant and impractical. They will get their invites in late February or early March, and, to me, that seems like plenty of lead time for our close-in-distance friends and relatives to make arrangements to come.
I made 24 Save the Dates, so I’ll have a few handy for scrapbooking and keepsakes. And our parents and siblings will get one, too, since we have extras. I could always make more, but keeping the production under control helps keep the budget in check. All in all, the cost of our STDs will be under $15, postage included. Costs to make and send one to everyone on the invite list would be closer to $100.
Personally, I really don’t see the advantage of spending an extra $75 or $80 to tell everyone something they already know. $50 dollars here, $100 dollars there—it all adds up (quickly!) and before we know it, we’ve spent $500 or more on things we never planned for in our original budget.
So, what’s your opinion on this? Did you think it’s poor etiquette to single out guests when sending Save the Dates? Or do you think it’s OK to pick and choose who gets them?
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Share this post: Coming Clean About Our STDs
I did the same thing. I only sent them to people who lived far away or who may not have been as “lucky” as others to hear about the wedding on a regular basis.
We’re doing the exact same thing. 75% of the wedding guests live within 20 minutes of the ceremony site, so it seemed pointless to send them something, especially since our STDs will only be going out 6 months in advance.
I did the same thing, so naturally I think it’s brilliant!
I think it’s a great idea. Saving money and time is always a good idea!
We only sent STDs to guests that we were absolutely sure 100 percent that we were inviting, so it must have been about 50-60 percent of our total list. One thing I’ll warn about this is that I’d avoid cherrypicking which friends will receive them if you choose to only send to certain people (this is not directed at you, Miss DE! Just a general note!) As I’ve been to a wedding where we didn’t receive an STD and I know some of our friends had (because I saw them on their fridge). I’ll admit I didn’t care that much but I could tell right away that we were “B-List” guests… it didn’t irk me too badly but I still noticed it and cringed a little bit. So with your friend circles, consider an “all get them or none get them” approach!
Miss DE, I’m feeling your pain. I’ll be sending ours to out of town guests and family mostly. Probably about 25 or 30 out of our 175 guests. The main reason for me to send them is the notification of our website. I think they are mostly intended for people who may need some extra time to make a decision/travel plans regarding attending your event.
I’m so happy to see this post because I’ve been agonizing, trying to decide if this was really poor etiquette or if it would be okay to send STDs only to some of our guests. For me the concern is partially what you mentioned before — local guests, and people I’m not completely sure we’ll invite — but also the fact that I think a large percentage of our elderly guests, and some not-so-elderly ones, will just be confused by a STD, because the concept is still pretty foreign in their circles.
We’re sending out to our A list only - people we’re not sure are going to be invited in the end are not getting Save the Date cards, just in case.
We weren’t planning on doing it - but a lot of people (in town) told us they need to know now so they can arrange vacation time around our August 22nd wedding. So we figured, might as well send out a nice little card letting everyone know. $100 for 42 cards made and mailed I think was okay for this.
The ones we made (using VistaPrint postcards) didn’t cost so much, so we figured it was a nice gesture to send a note (+ we put our engagement photo on it) to everyone.
Now, please note that this is not a critique on your decision, I think it’s just fine. We actually made “special” hand made cards and gave them to the bridal party and parents long before we made the official announcements with the STd cards.
I think that it can be acceptable to send out save-the-dates to only the guests that are out of town. It makes sense that they really need to “save” the date and make travel arrangements. Just be careful that those guests that are receiving the STDs aren’t in the same circle as guests who aren’t receiving them but are still invited to the wedding.
For example, lets say you send a STD to an old college friend who lives out of state. She receives it and is so excited that she calls up a mutual friend who lives close to you (and is also invited to the wedding but didn’t receive a STD) and says “Hey, did you get Miss DE’s Save the date? Isn’t it cute???” Depending on how close you are to this friend, she may not call you up to discuss, and instead assumes she is not invited, or is part of the “B”list.
We sent STDs out to everyone– everyone was excited to receive them, and it helped eliminate that question of “who” would be invited and who wouldn’t. We have friends of friends that we aren’t super close with but tend to see when we go out. We aren’t inviting them, and our STDs sort of eliminated that question that everyone wants to know but is too afraid to ask. (Is so-and-so invited?)
We aren’t sending STDs to all of our guests. The wedding party, any out of town guests (about half the wedding) important close relatives and immediate family & close friends will be getting STDs. If hotel and travel arrangements are not necessary we won’t be sending STDs for cost and time purposes. We will send a few to some special close relatives and friends as well. People like my Great Aunt Markey who I simply adore and some other elderly relatives that we want to know we will be thinking about them. Our STDs are also doubling as Christmas cards for the people who receive them.
I’m with you. Even as a guest, I don’t really “get” STDs for most weddings. We personally contacted guests who needed to travel for the wedding or have particularly busy schedules. We also sent out our invites a little earlier than usual, at about 10-12 weeks before. We didn’t have any problems. None of our “no” RSVPs had anything to do with not having enough notice.
I’m only mailing 34 stds, and will be mailing around 100 invites. The majority of our extended family and friends live far away and won’t be able to make the trip. The save the dates are going to family, close friends, basically all the people we have a pretty good idea will be able to attend. We decided not to send them to people we knew for sure wouldn’t be coming, (ie: my mother’s old boss that I’ve known since I was 6), but who will receive an invitation.
that’s what we’re doing. Saving $ on them by just sending them to out of town/country guests. It’ll be an email version for everyone else.
I think you should do what you want to do. Personally, I felt strange not sending out std’s (lol) to everyone, even though most of our guests lived within an hour or two of where we got married too. Our families are talkers and I didn’t want word getting out that someone got a save the date, while others didn’t. I just didn’t want to hear it, so I went ahead and sent one out to everyone. Yes, it was extra money… but I gave into the idea long before the wedding… Weddings are expensive so I may as well get over it. Do what’s best for you.
Because this is a fairly new trend, many of the more traditional members of my family actually expressed their distaste for Save the Dates. Because of this, we only sent them to about half the people on our invite list. Mostly our friends or my fiance’s family. So far, I haven’t heard any complaints! I think it worked out well. And like Mrs. Sangria says - do whats best for you!
I always thought of it…as an announcement! The beginning of what to come for your big day! Plus, they can mark it on the calendar asap.. i know myself…will forget the specific day..etc..when..where when its word of mouth..The STD will make it official to all your guests… plus it had our website on it…
We’re doing the same thing, only 75 of our 100 guests live 5000+ miles away so MOST of our guests are getting one, but not everyone 
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Mrs. Deviled Egg, Pittsburgh
Age and Occupation: 27, Public Relations
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Accounting
Engagement Date: December 24, 2007
Wedding Date: May, 2009
Blogging Since: October 21, 2008
Venue: Historic auditorium and meeting hall in one of Pittsburgh's commuter cities
About Me: I am obsessed with all things crafty, especially scrapbooking, knitting, jewelry-making & cake decorating. I also love being an aunt, wrapping presents, watching football (Go Steelers!), shopping at yard sales and consignment stores, procrastinating, singing and learning to play the guitar. When it comes to wedding planning, I'm excited about working on DIY projects and finding creative ways to stay under budget. Of course, nothing is more exciting to me than knowing that the wonderful Mr. Deviled Egg will be my husband.
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