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I don’t know why - but lately I have been thinking a lot about thankfulness. Maybe because there seems to have been so much upheaval everywhere lately: crazy economy, really emotional campaign season, the holidays fast approaching, and most of all there has been a lot of personal upheaval in people close to me, which is always stressful because you want your loved ones to always be happy!
I have just been SO EMOTIONAL lately. I cry at the drop of a hat; even commercials make me tear up, which makes me laugh at myself, even as I am fighting back the tears. I think I just feel this enormous sense of a big change coming, and I don’t know what to expect! I was really confused why I was so unsettled, but I think I finally figured it out…
I am making the transition from singlehood to “old, married lady.” Even though Mr. Snapdragon and I have been dating for almost four years now, and we have been planning to get married for the last year… I am only recently realizing that there is this shift that starts when wedding planning actually HAPPENS! I have to say I was a bit surprised at my reaction. I thought I’d be happy, happy, happy, all the time, but for a little while I’ve been crankilicious, and now I know why.
For me, I always think that growth is accompanied by a bit of pain or discomfort - that means you are evolving! And I definitely feel like I am transitioning into the next phase of my life. I know this bit of tearful crying every other second is going to pass because…
I just have so much to be thankful for, and even though I am crying a lot, it’s because I am leaving my old ways behind. I never really understood what it felt like to be engaged, and now I am really heavily feeling the shift into my life’s new chapter. I want to feel every moment, so that when I am at the beginning of the aisle, I am ready to drop my old life, and step into the precious new life I will be starting with Mr. Snapdragon, as our own new family. It reminds me of when I was little and used to swim in the deep end of the swimming pool - I’d always hang on to the edge because I was too scared to swim out. This time, I gotta let go of the wall!
Has anybody else experienced “pre-wedding depression?” Bueller? Bueller? 
Ooh, you should read “The Conscious Bride.” It will definitely help you stop worrying that you are not on Cloud 9 for the entire engagement!!
Thank you so much for posting this Miss Snapdragon! My fiancee and I have been engaged for the past year, and just recently I’ve been having exactly the emotions you described above. I was freaking out trying to figure out why - was I having second thoughts? Do I not love my fiancee? was I having an intense emotiaonl reaction to the book Twilight (just kidding, had to throw that in there)?! But seriously, it is very comforting to know that other engaged women are having a similar, overwhelming reaction to all the change. When you think about it, it seems totally natural - but when you are in the middle of it, it just feels like you have no idea what is going on. I think your post will help a lot of people 
I understand completely, I think part of the reason we get so confused is because no one ever tells you how normal it is to not feel on cloud 9 constantly when you’re planning a wedding! Our society says an engagement should be perfect (a wedding planning book someone gave me starts with the line “this will be an amazingly blissful time”) and yet it’s a transition process. Sometimes it is blissful and sometimes it’s really freaking scary, or a bit sad. Of course it is - it’s a really big decision and will change your life! It’s great you’ve recognised it in yourself and know how to deal with it. I second the recommendation re the Conscious Bride - it explains it all very well and makes you feel very normal.
I feel you. I get emotional about so many aspects, but every tear I shed makes me feel more sure of my path. I’m gonna check out the Conscious Brie after seeing these recs!
Conscious Bride, I mean! Conscious brie would be delicious on a cracker, or baked into a puff pastry! haha.
Oh Miss Snapdragon, I hope you feel better soon. You can look at it another way. You can take comfort and relief in the fact that you no longer have to participate in the pretentious dating scene. You no longer have to be alone. Someone has chosen you to spend the rest of their life with, this can make you feel on top of the world and extremely special!
In my experience, being engaged has been the happiest time of my life. I’ve never been this happy ever! I’m no longer alone, I’m going to be someone’s wife, I’m no longer just floating around hoping to find Mr. Right! The search is over, I’ve found him!
You too can take comfort in knowing that your search is over. You can think of it as now being able to rest easy that you’ve found the place where you belong, and it’s with Mr. Snapdragon
I hope you cheer up soon
Im there! I’ve been independent for so long that I feel like I’m losing a little bit of that….
Oh girl! I know exactly how you feel. I was driving with a friend one day when I noticed that the back of some guys head in the truck in front of us reminded me of some guy I had made out with once! suddenly my tummy dropped and I was overwhelmed with all these crazy feelings. NEVER again would I get the thrill of a first kiss! It worried me for awhile until I really let myself feel the feelings. In reality, being single is awesome about um…20% of the time and the other 80% is lonley and full of insecurities (and booze). Being in love with my now husband is perfect 98% which totally wins.
@ skeeta - That exactly how I’m feeling.
We bought a new house together, and have lived in it together for the past year while mine was on the market, now that “my” house recently sold all my furniture, storage items, and basically stuff I hadn’t really missed in a year moved to “our house” finally….and it triggered a major mental freakout for me. I no longer had “MY” space and “my” stuff was boxed up in the basement (never mind it was boxed up in my old attic). It’s a big change and I think because of that it’s perfectly acceptable to be emotional. Thanks for writing this and reminding me I’m not alone in how I’m feeling….and that I need to go downstairs and tell my boy how thankful I am he’s in my life to stay….even if “my stuff” is in boxes in the basement
It wasn’t sudden depression, per se, so much as it was a sudden outpouring of emotion. Things that might normally stress me out or make me a little bit sad (like certain movies, which I had seen before, and knew how they ended) had me bawling.
Once I called my sister, completely distraught, because less than a week before my wedding I realized that my dress was slightly too big in places. She couldn’t even understand what I was saying, I was crying so hard. And over something so tiny and dumb.
But! I can tell you that it does get a lot better post-wedding. There is hope!
Definitely! This economy is creating an upheaval for so many people around me. Everything feels so doom and gloom, whenever Christmas is mentioned it is not followed by cheer or excitement by anyone in my family. It doesn’t help either that my fiance has been w/out a job for 4 months and non-stop looking and interviews that go no where are dragging down his spirit and confidence. We are leaving for our vacation at the end of this week that we planned almost a year ago. Saving for the wedding and going on vacation just feels wrong and for the first time ever I’m not all that excited about vacation because I feel like I’ll be thinking about every penny we spend. I know better times are around the corner and the vacation will probably do us good but it seems like we can’t move beyond that black cloud.
totally understand!
I know how you feel! Because Christmas is so close, I am getting very excited at the thought of our first Christmas together (next year). But, the other day my mom said something to me about decorating the tree at our house, and I just burst into tears. I realized that the house I have lived in most of my life won’t be my house anymore! But I still can’t wait until June…
So nice to hear someone that feels the same way I do at times. At first I thought I was crazy that I wasn’t the happiest girl in the world once I got the ring but I have taken it all in stride and reading your post really put me at ease!
Thank you so much for posting this. I got married two weeks ago, and I actually had this weird, huge, onslaught of emotion right after the weddding. I was weirdly terrified that I had made the wrong decision, that I was trapped, that we were going to get divorced. Honestly, it was bizarred and it scared me so much. But I think it was just realizing that a chapter of my life was coming to a close, irrevocably, and that I was an adult now, which is frightening. Nothing had changed between me and my fiancee/husband, and after a few days (and a lot of sleep, too :)) I felt so much better and really happy in our relationship. Thanks for being so honest about this — I think we’re taught that we’re supposed to be so joyous all the time, that when totally normal feelings of doubt or fear creep in, we feel lost. It’s ok to feel this way, and in a little while you’ll be feeling happy again, since you are doing the right thing.
Thanks!
@Miss Sasser: I totally get feeling this way, Miss Sasser. I think Christmas has been making me really emotional about my family too. It’s hard to know that I’m not just a daughter to my parents anymore — that I’m my husband’s wife, and that he is first priority. I’m so happy that we’re married, but there are hard parts, like leaving — in some sense — your family of origin behind.
These are so sweet- I love the fact that I’ll never have a first date again- they’re so awkard anyway!!
I went through this phase. Partly due to a long-distance relationship…and now engagement and partly dealing with the fact that I will never be single again(and I am moving 2000 miles away from my family, friends and home to be with him)! I cried, got easily frustrated…my poor fiance didn’t know what to do!
It goes away, though, and I was surprised at how quickly and deeply i am falling more in love my fiance as we get closer to the big day!
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Miss Snapdragon, Chicago/Dallas Age and Occupation: 32,Associate Producer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 33, Lighting Designer Blogging Since: November 14, 2008 Engagement Date: January 1, 2011 Wedding Date: March 2012 Venue: Marie Gabrielle About Me: Voracious reader of short stories, Russian literature, National Geographic and Cosmo. I'm a GENIUS at spicing up Weight Watchers recipes and a pathological cheater at board games. I run a slow marathon, but my feet are learning to move faster. Mornings aren't my thing, but I can night owl with the best of them. Don't tempt me with your Cherry Cokes---I'm trying to quit. Tomorrow. Or never.
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