Wedding Blog
We’re a mere six months away from our wedding and we haven’t decided on a wedding party yet. *gulp* Wait, wait! Before you slap my hand for my procrastination, I assure you that this is different than all of the other things we haven’t done yet. Really, I swear!
I’m having a hard time making the whole idea of a bridal party make sense for us (well, me). Tradition for the sake of tradition doesn’t work for me. Things have to make sense to me, in my head and in my heart, before I can move on, so I’m stuck. (Yes, yes, I was that kid that drove everyone nuts asking, “Why?” all the time.)
Meg from A Practical Wedding put it best:
I’ve been struggling with the idea of traditional wedding party. For me it’s felt limiting and a bit uncomfortable. We have lots of important people in our lives, but somehow they didn’t fit into the bridal party model (not to mention my total lack of interest in picking matching dresses for them).
As a kid I remember thinking it was weird that the woman standing next to my mom in her wedding pictures was someone I didn’t know. Why wouldn’t she have asked one of her sisters to be her MOH, I wondered, since you just never know which friends will make it through life with you? So, for my first wedding, my bridesmaids were all family.
I also relate to Ms. Peony, who wrote:
We were adamant that the ceremony was between us and the officiant, no one else. My Mum gave a reading and walked down the aisle with the bridesmaids and my cousin and The Boy’s cousin also gave readings. I wanted my close friends involved and around me on the day, but not too heavily.
Complicating the issue is the mister (of course). He’s never been married, so while he wouldn’t say it in exactly these words, he’s looking forward to standing with his best friends. He wants to honor their friendship by asking them to be his groomsmen, and I don’t blame him.
If it were up to me, we’d just have a BM and MOH and be done with it. I have no question who my MOH will be, so this makes it easy for me*. We’d honor our families and close friends by asking them to do readings, play music, or sing. Alas, this is a joint decision, so I don’t know where we’ll end up.
Perhaps a bridal brigade is the way to go…
… but then, what sense would it make to have groomsmen and not bridesmaids? I’m getting caught up in the idea rather than the point, which is to surround yourself with people who will support you and stand by you, not only on your wedding day but throughout your marriage. Then again, I can’t shake the feeling that it would be weird not to have bridesmaids if we have groomsmen.
How did you choose your wedding party? Was anyone hurt that they were left out? Did you include your family in your bridal party, or did you honor them some other way?
*Full disclosure: I also just plain don’t have that many girlfriends. I either stick with one or two friend-bridesmaids, throw in some family (but then the wedding party gets big very quickly), or start to include acquaintances (which is my least favorite idea).
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Our bridal party is all family with a couple of our bestest friends whom we now consider family, to even it out and include those that are important in our lives regardless of parentage. Initially I thought we’d just do 1 person on each side, but then we thought it better to make everyone feel included.
I say be as creative as you like. Does it really matter if there are equal numbers of “bridesmaids” and “groomsmen”? Maybe the bride has a brother that she wants to be her MOH or the groom a sister. It’s all about those close to you surrounding you on this special day.
And there are a ton of things that friends can help with in the wedding . . . instead of having a dozen attendants on each side, why not ask some of them to be ushers, or read the Scripture . . . something that fits their personality or gifts. Everyone will be tickled to be a part of your day, no matter the part they play.
What do you think?
I have been married before and it was your typical we are young and stupid and getting married for ALL the wrong reasons and there were two other people there - one whom I still have contact with and one whom, I have NO idea where they are.
This time around, I am having my daughter be my MOH (she will be close to, if not, 13 at the time of the wedding) and my two best friends whom I have known for most of my life will stand up for me.
I have two best girl friends who are my family and as I have known them for so long, I don’t fear that whole “who is that in your wedding picture” question from any future children.
However, I do feel your pain. I have many people who would love to stand up with me and for me and be involved in our day. For those, I am having them read a poem that means something to them, read a verse or whatever they feel will most express how they feel and thier love for me (I guess I mean us, but you know).
There are so many people who you feel like you will disapoint if you don’t involve in some way, so regardless of what you do, someone will feel slighted and SHAME on them!! This day is about you and the Mr. About the people who love you and support you coming and showing you this and being there on this day for YOU.
If you have the time, have them read something if you think you want them involved but don’t want the huge party. Have your Mr.’s guy friends be ushers and walk everyone down the isle. Have one of them introduce you as Mr & Mrs for the first time.
There are so many ways that you can involve people without having to pick out dresses for them.
I hope this helps and good luck!!
I fell the same way about our wedding party. I chose my sister as my MOH. I have friends from different periods of my life who I still talk to and call friends, but the person I’m closest to always is my sister. My fiance chose his brother, but I think it was mostly because he couldn’t choose between his friends. If his nephew is big enough to handle being the ring boy, then he’s it for the bridal party. We’ve asked my aunt and his uncle to be witnesses and have some close friends being ushers and play music.
My side was super easy…
MOH - My sister
BM - My BFF since 4th grade
BM - My BFF from college
Both BM I know will be in my life forever b/c we’ve gone through ups and downs and we’re still friends 
and my MOH is my sister, which speaks for itself
we are keeping ours strictly family. Two FSIL, 1 FBIL, and my bro. It’s a perfect combo!
Hey there. I had a struggle picking my MOH because my sister and I had not grown up together and really weren’t that close. In the end, I ended out having my sis stand as my MOH and it actually brought us closer together– so it all worked out! I knew I didn’t want a huge bridal party, but I knew that I wanted these six specific ladies to be a part of my day (plus flower girl & ring bearers). I included both of my nieces, Mr. Sangria’s niece, my sis, two of my best friends and sorority sisters from college and his best (girl) friend of 12 years. I also had a girlfriend sing and another girlfriend do a reading. His side included my nephew, his nephew, his 3 brothers, my brother and his best friend since preschool. We also had his other niece and nephew pass out programs. These are all people who have been an important part of our lives, so it was perfect for our wedding day. Whatever you choose, I’m sure it will be perfect for your day too. Just think about who is most important or who have had the biggest impact in your lives and include those people in your ceremony. If feelings are hurt, there’s nothing you can do about it. You do what’s best for you and your hubby to be. :^)
I had my sister as my MOH and husband had his brother as BM. We each had a good friend as attendents. I am sure that these people will be in our lives for a long time. We wanted a small bridal party for many reasons, one of which is we are not young (early 30’s), and we had a small, intimate wedding. My husband had 2 other friends he wanted to include so they were ushers and escorted grandmothers, etc down the aisle to be seated and helped out with some other things. I don’t think it’s so important to have matching numbers, do what feels best to you. For me, having a small number of the most important people in my life around me was the best thing for me as it wasn’t overwhelming and I didn’t feel the need to make sure a large number of bridal party people were always happy and taken care of!
I thought it would be a difficult decision but at the end of the day it wasn’t. It was the first thing we did in our planning and I felt really excited about it, more than I expected. It was easy to choose my 2 sisters, that was kind of an obvious choice. Then I chose my cousin, who is the same age as me. We have grown up together even if we’re not in close contact on a daily basis, I know I can tell her anything and we have been there for each other our whole lives. She was so happy to be asked. The 4th was a more difficult decision (because the most obvious choice seemed a friend I’m BM for next year, even though when I thought about it she wasn’t the best choice) and I ended up asking my (male, gay) best friend. He was so excited to be asked which made me feel great. I love that I have been able to honour these important people, and I love that I will have them all there to support me during the morning. Having my cousin & friend there who have seen me at my worst (unlike my sisters as we aren’t super close) makes me feel really comfortable and excited about it.
As of right now, FI and I plan on not having a wedding party at all. Like you, I am not sure if doing tradition for the sake of tradition makes sense. Since most of my friends are not married and since I have barely been in any weddings (1 once for a family friend when I was a teenager), do people feel left out if they are not a part of a wedding party? I ask seriously because I have been thinking about this for the past few days. My closest friends have already been assigned tasks: one will be toasting us and the other will probably be singing. These women are close to me but I don’t know if I feel like it will be a slap in the face if they are not in the wedding party (or will it?). Should I have a wedding party? If we had groomsmen, FI would feel like he has to have 8 guys, which is something he’s not interested in doing. If anything we may just have one person each. I don’t know.
I am with you, girl! This was alo quite difficult for me as my fiance keeps in touch with every high school friend and they are all super-close and I have just a couple really close friends. I had to hold him back at 6 groomsmen and I matched with the bridesmaids (though there is one who I now regret ever asking). I will tell you what I think I should have done: either keep it in the family with no acquaintances, or have an uneven number of attendents. One girl can walk with two guys, or a guy can walk alone or with a flower girl, no big deal. Nobody will care and your pictures and events (bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc) will be much more meaningful this way!
Family only for us! We love our friends but I already have a few friends who aren’t in touch with people who were in their bridal party. You just never know where life is going to take you. Plus, it’s just easier for us - I don’t have to pick out dresses and we have fewer gifts to buy, which means more money for the honeymoon 
None of my girlfriends (who I am very close with and been friends with for over 15 yrs) have questioned our decision. Weddings are complicated enough. My advice? Make it is has simple for you and your FH has possible.
For my Bridal party, I chose someone from each important part of my life as a bridesmaid:
My sister as my MOH b/c she’s been there through EVERYTHING and although she did once KICK me in the eye, I love her
A friend from my college years, also someone who knew me & my fiance before we were even together
A friend from my high school/childhood years, someone who knew me through the nerdy phases and who I grew up with
My same-age cousin, who I grew up with and is also getting married (I’m her MOH)
My younger cousin who is more like a little sister to me than I could ever explain
I have many other close friends I would like to include, but I feel the best way to keep from having 12 bridesmaids is to honor each part of my life…my sister, a cousin from each side of my large family and 2 friends from very important times in my life.
I vote for having those closest to you involved. My sister got married Nov 1 and she had my sister and me as MOH and BM. The groom had his brother as best man and 2 good friends for GM. The boys waited for us up front before the ceremony. I walked out with the best man, my sister and a GM were next and the 3rd solo GM ushered out the parents and grandparents. It worked out perfectly even with an odd number If I ever get married it will be my 2 sisters and my bestfriend of 21 years standing there with me!
my husband and i aren’t very traditional and we wanted to make sure that the people who were the most important/influential in our lives were the ones standing up there beside us.
so, i had my best friend from childhood as my MOH (we called her “best friend” in the program), my two brothers, my best friend from college, and a really close friend who helped bring me and my husband together.
he had his best friend from college (a lady- we called her “best friend” as well), his brother and sister, his closest childhood friend, and his close philosophy buddy.
we didn’t feel the need to have all guys on one side and all girls on the other … nor did we feel the need to have the same number on each side (it just ended up working out that way) …
basically what i’m trying to say is, the people standing beside you should be “your people”- meaning people you love and trust and cherish- and as such *your* choice … so if that’s your closest friend and a sibling and his 4 closest friends … or your friend and your mom and his brother and 2 best friends … or whatever- it’s all good.
if people are upset, talk with them– they will most likely understand. plus you can always include other family/friends as readers, program hander-outers, guest book attendants, etc.
(for instance, my SIL was a reader and we had both our parents walk us each down the aisle– there are many different ways to involve loved ones)
it’s *your* wedding and at the end of the day, it matters if the two of you feel happy rather than worrying what any one else thinks.
My fiance and I have decided to have our closest girl/boy friends and brothers/sisters. I have four brothers, so I could never ask him to use his ‘men spaces for them, so I’m having both bridesmen and bridesmaids. And he’s having groomsmen and groomsmaids. That way it’s not traditional and we get to have whomever we want in our party. It’s a wonderful compromise. (by the way, we each have more mens than womens in our parties)
I’m having my sister as matron of honor, my best friend from college as maid of honor, and my FH’s sister as a bridesmaid. I could’ve kept going (because I have several more special people who could fill this roll) but my FH has one close friend and wanted to stop there. He’s having his brother (who is a lot younger and they’re not close at all which is why he isn’t BM) and my brother-in-law (whom he’s gotten close to, simply by spending time with me and my sister and b-in-law) as groomsmen.
If I’d had my closest longtime friend as MOH as I planned, and my next-closest friend as a bridesman, which was my knee-jerk reaction to starting to pick a party, that would’ve meant my attendants used to date AND had a really bad breakup. Years ago, yeah, and they’re both now married to lovely people, but still…yikes. So I went 100% traditional and had a HS friend MOH, a college friend BM, and a current friend BM. The men were even easier: brother as BM, and an undergrad friend and a grad school friend as groomsmen. The non-bridesman and the groom’s sister did readings.
So I guess the secret to making the process easy is to have the fewest siblings possible (me 0, him 2), not have a lot of friends, and definitely not go Greek in college.
I struggled a lot with even having a bridal party. I’m just so close to all my friends in different ways. Ultimately, it’s about who will support our love before and after our actual wedding:)
This might be because I’m an only child, or maybe because I don’t speak to any of my mother’s family, but I’d choose friends before family to stand up with me. I’m more likely to try maintain relationships with people who I decided are important to me, like the FH for example, than people who happen to be related to me.
[...] been thinking a lot about our wedding party, having read and considered every one of your comments. The theme seemed to be to surround yourself [...]
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Mrs. Cheese, Knoxville
Age and Occupation: 29, Engineering Manager
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD Designer
Engagement Date: July 31, 2008
Wedding Date: May, 2009
Blogging Since: October 16, 2008
Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits on
About Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
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