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Mrs. Cheese, Knoxville Age and Occupation: 29, Engineering Manager Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD Designer Engagement Date: July 31, 2008 Wedding Date: May, 2009 Blogging Since: October 16, 2008 Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits on About Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
About Mrs. Cheese

Inclusiveness and Drama

December 2nd, 2008 @ 10:25 am by Mrs. Cheese

I’ve been thinking a lot about our wedding party, having read and considered every one of your comments. The theme seemed to be to surround yourself with people who support you, to include family if at all possible, and to choose bridesmaids and groomsmen to honor each phase of your lives. I hear ya.

Your comments plus the Thanksgiving holiday (and a chat with my little brother) got me thinking that there are really two strategies for choosing a wedding party: inclusive or exclusive. I didn’t know which way to go. As I told my brother, the “point” of a wedding party is to surround yourselves with the people who will support you and your marriage going forward, not necessarily just to honor childhood friends or family. He then reminded me that many wedding traditions are also about honoring the people in your life, regardless of your current feelings. Hmmmm.

Because I always want to limit drama, I’d leaned toward keeping our wedding party small. More people = more input = more coordination = more drama… right? Yea, except that the more I think about it, the more it seems that leaving people out is what creates drama.

People want to be included, honored, needed - especially when it comes to weddings. And me? I want to have a good time without having to worry about hurt feelings. If that means more people rather than fewer, so be it (and yay, I’m a lucky girl!). The mister and I had a couple more conversations, and we agreed to a larger wedding party. Yay! I love making wedding decisions!

So, with the decision made, I embarked on my very first wedding-related DIY project: ‘Will You Be My Bridesmaid?’ cards.

I already had flat blue cards from Paper Source with no specific plans (What? They were on CLEARANCE!), so even though they won’t match our invitations, I decided to use them. I bought a 99-cent roll of navy blue velvet ribbon and a package of paper scraps in assorted colors for another two bucks at A.C. Moore. Voila! DIY cards.

Disclaimer: I have not a crafty bone in my body, even though I have crafty yearnings. It’s kind of like my experience in middle school band, where in spite of my best intentions, I was the worst oboe player known to man. I swear, it sounded like geese were dying (or getting it on) when I played. My parents will corroborate my story. In a nutshell: keep your expectations low. Okay, ready? (The weather here is very nasty and gray so my pictures are kinda funky.)

cheese1

cheese2

I formatted the card using OpenOffice.org’s Draw application. The font is Jane Austen from daFont.com (love), and I borrowed Mrs. Hydrangea’s dress outline (as well as the idea to make the dresses black). In the space next to the dress, I’ve written a more personal plea (”You KNOW I need you, so please say yes?”).

Now that you DIY divas are finished pointing and laughing at my super simple cards, I’ll share my lessons learned for the less talented of us:

  • Paste the ribbon, THEN cut it to be flush along the edge of the card. Duh, I know, but I kept cutting the ribbon to fit and then finding myself unable to match it up once the glue was on.
  • Cutting out little tiny dress outlines is no fun. I have more respect for second graders now - they have to do this stuff with dull scissors!
  • When you’re not a DIY diva, a simple design is best as it offers less opportunity for flubbing. My first designs were much more intricate but I decided that the frustration wasn’t worth it.

I should be seeing every one of my girls over the holidays, so I haven’t decided whether to mail the cards or wait and hand them over in person. I’d also love to include a little gift, but after being reminded of my (lack of) crafty abilities, I’m scrapping my original idea (personalizing stationery). Back to the drawing board.

Y’all know that I lurve to know that I’m not the only one who’s {fill in the blank}, so here goes: who’s not crafty, but wishes they were? Who went the simple route with bridesmaid’s cards, not because they didn’t have time to be more crafty, but because they didn’t have the ability? And if you ARE crafty, this would be the place to help those of us who aren’t!!

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21 Responses to “Inclusiveness and Drama”

1.
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Guest
LeighAnn

Adorable! I love it! And good for you for thinking long and hard about it; because I’m regretting asking someone….6 months before my wedding.
Drat.
Good luck! :)

 
2.
frenchbulldog
Bee
frenchbulldog (message)  6,063 posts, Bee Keeper

So cute! and I’m sure your ladies will love :) FH would also love that your are using OpenOffice.org - he just started using it :)

 
3.
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elizabeth

I am definitely in the ‘only dream of being crafty’ boat! But your cards are lovely! I think the clean lines make it look very classy!

 
4.
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BeachbrideT

I’m not crafty at all! If I try to think of something crafty to do, my mind goes blank! I can walk into a Michael’s or Joanne’s Fabric with all of these ideas that I just can’t quite wrap my head around … so I walk out empty handed…
Your cards are soooo cute! I love the simplicity of them- they seem very heartfelt! :)
How many bridesmaids and groomsmen are you having?

 
5.
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Bee
Miss Cheese (message)  647 posts, Busy bee

@LeighAnn: I think that I’m going to ask “everyone”, but only really involve a few people. I figure, if they want to dress up and be honored on our wedding day, that’s fine, but regardless of title, I have a couple of friends who will really be helping me out no matter what. I do have concerns about one person, but she doesn’t live in my city, so I’m thinking I can handle the drama for one weekend.

@BeachbrideT: I think five of each. I’m waiting to find out whether my stepsister will be coming to our wedding. If she does, then five. If not, then four of each.

 
6.
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Bee
Miss Cheese (message)  647 posts, Busy bee

@AliCherri1: Thanks! I’m having problems getting Visio installed on my laptop, but I’ve really loved Draw, so it hasn’t mattered much.

 
7.
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jennred782

So does that mean you have actually set a date, also the cards are totally cute.

 
8.
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acabride

NOT crafty. Good job!

I think what you told your bro is SO important. I invited my greatest friends from over the years to be bridesmaids, but for my maid of honor, I chose not my oldest friend but the person I knew would be most supportive of my marriage, a person who is very wise due to what she experienced in her own marriage, and a person who is SO committed to marriage that I can see her always encouraging me to do everything possible to make it work.

 
9.
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EmilyQ

Oh gosh…I have those same dreams of being super-crafty, too. Unfortunately, it just doesn’t happen for me. My mom, on the other, hand is like my personal Martha (although she would NEVER admit to it and would KILL me if she heard that I just called her that).

 
10.
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GG+SB

that is soooo much more crafty than my final approach. My attempts were horrible at best (think glue everywhere and my fingerprints in ink on the cards) so I ended up buying preprinted cards with little dresses on them from Paper Affair and just printing a little note on the with my home printer (in my defense I did use a cute font though). :)

 
11.
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Bee
Miss Hot Cocoa (message)  1,715 posts, Bumble bee

The cards look great! You are a crafty bee in denial of your craftiness. ;-)

 
12.
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Guest
GG+SB

@acabride - I choose my MOH the same way you mentioned above. I’m curious, are you getting any drama from your oldest friend about your decision?

 
13.
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acabride

None of the other girls have said anything but sometimes I wonder if they are thinking it!

 
14.
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West Coast bride

Another awesome Cheese post! I am a DIY queen in my head. So far, I’ve gotten pretty good at scrapbooking, and have done a few craft projects for the wedding, but overall, I have a long way to go. I’m focusing on blending my cooking/baking skills with my crafty skills this year, in the hopes that if I’m involving one skillI have confidence in, I won’t get lost half way through. Cute cards! I like simple, anyway.

 
15.
HistoryBride
Member
HistoryBride (message)  411 posts, Helper bee

My dear, no one sounds better than a dying goose on an oboe until years of playing. But I understand the dreams of craftiness :)

 
16.
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Bee
Miss Peep Toe (message)  1,636 posts, Bumble bee

Craft challenged here- I just asked my BM- I didn’t even pretend I could make a card. Your cards are great!!

 
17.
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Guest
iran2day

My finance and I each did crafts for each of our wedding party members. We aren’t overly crafty so its a design anyone could use.

I printed a poem on white paper and glued it to a sheet of blue construction paper so it has a border. The poem said, “Some flowers are red, some flowers are blue, will you be my (role), please say I do.” I also attached a small yellow artificial flower. (Our colors are yellow and blue)

For the guys, we got alcohol nips (they are about $2 each) and he wrote a note on cardstock to the effect of, “Matt, will you be my (role)?” He looped some twine through the cardstock and tied it around the neck of the bottle.

Except for those folks who live nearby we mailed them out.

 
18.
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AbbieOinCO

I bought my bm cards! I love to buy all of the things to be crafty… and then I have a brain freeze and never do them. It’s a horrible affliction!

 
19.
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Suzanno

I think that what creates the drama is the combination of inclusiveness and exclusiveness. In other words, people are hurt not so much at not being included, but also at the idea that you picked somebody instead of them. Our solution was to be almost completely exclusive - we had one attendant each. My sister, and his brother.

My girlfriends went with me to have their hair and nails done, to have a great spa day, to get mineral makeup custom-mixed… all the kind of things that you see BMs complaining about being so expensive. We “shopped” together (mostly via email, as they are scattered across the country) to pick out dresses and shoes. They came to the RD; they arrived early to help me get dressed and to set out last minute decorations. My husband’s friends all dressed up in suits, coordinated their ties with our colors (too funny) and showed up early to pace around and drink gin and tonics with him. Everybody got to do anything they wanted, and wasn’t obligated to do anything they didn’t. And nobody complained at all.

I chose not to have a traditional “bridal party” mostly because I didn’t want the extra work or organizing it, and in the end I think we got all the good things without any of the work or drama. It was absolutely ideal.

 
20.
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ErinMarieMack

I opted for inclusiveness, though I definitely waivered. In the end, I decided to follow my usual no-drama policy. I work in a middle school, so I get enough of it there:) I did get out easy with the MOH choice and picked my (only sister)!

I love that you took the time to hand-make your cards. They are cute and thoughtful! I asked my girls with tanks from Classy Bride. The box says “Will you be my…” and on the inside is a shirt with rhinestone lettering that spells MOH, BM, etc.

 
21.
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Bee
Miss Crab Cake (message)  818 posts, Busy bee

They look great! I wish I would have thought of making them cards, it’s such a cute idea!

 


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Mrs. Cheese Mrs. Cheese, Knoxville Age and Occupation: 29, Engineering Manager Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD Designer Engagement Date: July 31, 2008 Wedding Date: May, 2009 Blogging Since: October 16, 2008 Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits on About Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
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