Wedding Blog
One thing about being away for two weeks for a destination wedding that I hadn’t anticipated is allllll the million and one things I have to catch up on. It’s crazy! So that’s what I’ve been up to all last week. Don’t worry, I’m almost done… and what’s more, I just spoke to our photographer today who said he put our pro pics in the mail today (how amazingly fast was that?!) so my recaps will start sooner than you think.
In the meantime, I just HAD to share something that I saw while getting caught up on my Google Reader items last night. It’s from Post Secret - if you’re not familiar with Post Secret, basically it’s a project where people anonymously write their deepest, darkest secrets on a postcard and mail them to Frank Warren who publishes them on a website (and more recently, as books).
So here’s the postcard that intrigued me:
I’m… I… I don’t even know what to say! The thought that someone might upgrade their ring without telling their fiance would never have occurred to me if I hadn’t seen this. I mean, I’m sure disappointments happen and I think every girl deserves to be one hundred percent thrilled with her ring but there are other ways of going about it, no? And more importantly, isn’t a marriage supposed to be built on honesty?
Do you know anyone who has done this or considered it? What do you think about secretly trading up?
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Share this post: Trading Up
I… don’t think that her dishonesty is the secret. She probably told her girlfriends, family members, etc. about the trade - why else would you exchange a ring like that if not to show it off?
I was far more dismayed that her husband didn’t notice - doesn’t that say far more about their relationship?
LOL! I saw that too and thought whaaat? She didn’t necessary have to tell anyone she traded up but it is disheartening that she couldn’t tell her fiance the truth..
@Jo: I don’t think so if the husband isn’t big on/doesn’t know much about diamonds. Depending on how much of a change it was, I might not notice if someone changed their diamond no matter how frequently I looked at the ring just because diamonds aren’t that interesting to me.
I read that same card and felt sorry for her and him - the fact that the ring itself was so important to her that she felt the need to “upgrade” and not the idea that he bought it for her and what it symbolized, but then if it wasn’t what she liked and he hasn’t notice was he paying attention to her at all? What kind of relationship do they have?
I saw and Engaged and Underage once where the bride traded up when they bought their wedding rings w/o telling him (I think she told him after the fact) - all that did was show how immature she was.
That’s crazy!
I am sooo looking forward to your recaps! 
Yay!
I love PostSecret! And wow, how could he have not noticed?! That is so sad.
I don’t think my fiance would notice if I “traded up,” but he also tells me all the time that if I want to change it I can. The thing is, I’m totally delighted to wear what he bought me. The ring is a symbol and how awful would I be to say that his symbol of love and commitment is insufficient?
If she sent this postcard in I imagine that its bugging her at least a little bit that she never told him. I feel sorry for them that they aren’t able to talk this one out.
I love that website, its in my Google Reader too.
Can’t wait for your recap photos!
Am I the only one who, upon reading this, thought about the Carrie/Aiden engagement ring issue from ‘Sex And The City’?
Yeah how sad that the fi didn’t notice. But if the ring isn’t your style then she should have said so. Maybe there was a reason he got what he did. Just sad.
K: YES! I saw it and thought about the “It was a pear diamond on a gold band” with that face she makes…. haha thank god for Samantha on that one– the ring in the end was so much better for Carrie!
I think one of the worst parts of it is that he didn’t notice? Ummmm hello? Does he pay any attention to her?
I saw this on Post Secret and my first reaction was to think it was really sad that the girl seemed to be proud of lying to her fiance. I also thought that she was referring to “trading up” the size of the diamond and not the style of the ring. I don’t think my fiance would notice if my diamond was larger, but he would definitely notice a different ring altogether!
Like PPs said, it’s sadder that they didn’t have an open enough relationship to talk about it. Or, she’s petty enough to care.
Honestly though if I upgraded just the diamond in my ring, I wouldn’t think that Mr. Peng would notice, especially if it were within 1-1.5 carats. He would assume it was the rock he bought… why wouldn’t he? If the shape were the same, at least.
It’s one thing to hate your ring, the design, etc… that’s a different story I wont go into (although I think a gift is a gift and people should be happy with gifts they receive) but it sounds like she just got a bigger diamond? Again, Mr. Peng would totally not notice something like that.
My FSIL did this right after me and FH got engaged!!
She doesn’t like me to start with and when we anounced the news to the family all she said was “i can’t believe its bigger than mine” (refering to my ring) rather than congratulations. About two weeks later she took her ring in to have diamonds added (hers was a three stone but she got diamonds added down the side like mine) without her husbands knowledge!!
I only noticed because she wasn’t wearing her wedding ring or e-ring for weeks and I finally asked where it was. When her husband found out (he hadn’t noticed…men just dont seem to pick up on these things!!) he was so hurt.
I think that since our men spend time and effort and money on our e-rings that we should be greatful for what we get, no matter what size it is…after all its not about the ring so much as about marrying the man of our dreams.
@MissGoodie: Wow, how petty is your FSIL? :shakes head: I feel sorry for her husband, and for you too!
I would never “trade up” without my my boy knowing. I picked out my ring and I still stare at it on a daily basis. If we did trade up, it would be on a meaningful anniversary, and with his consent!
I learned only recently that the wedding ring I’d always thought was my mom’s original ring is not. My parents had a ring designed for my mom while we were living in Tehran, Iran in the 70’s. My mom’s “real” e- ring is wee tiny. I love the idea of them creating a ring together that she still wears every single day!
Ooh — I’m totally adding this blog to my googlereader. It’s going to be my new Cakewrecks.
That makes me sad. I love my ring. But I also picked it out. Maybe girls should just set more realistic expectations and be more vocal about what they want.
loved my ring, though i did ask the hubs if he’d let me trade down, coz i didn’t care to have an expensive ring and would rather put the $ towards more practical expenses for us. i was denied. i wonder if that’s just as bad as wanting to trade up…
though like everyone said, it’s much more disturbing that they couldn’t talk about it.
i think it’s ok, one of my friend has a tiny (TINY) ring, and every time we hang out, she talks about how everyone’s is bigger, nicer etc… and i think if it’ll make her feel a little better and not hurt her husband’s feeling… tought situation, glad i don’t have to deal w/ it since i picked mine out too
My fiance picked my ring out himself, and it was beautiful… but in yellow gold. He knew that I preferred white gold, but they did not have a band available in the style he chose at that time, so he bought it (to propose when he wanted to propose) and exchanged it two weeks later for the exact ring (and stone) but in white gold. He explained the situation to me, and I completely understood. I am very happy with the ring, and I do prefer the white to the yellow. I think the fact that he was honest made it easy for me to accept. And even though its not the EXACT physical ring he proposed with, its still so meaningful and precisely what I wanted.
This story reminds me of a coworker who got engaged last year. She was embarrassed of her ring, and always prefaced the “I’m engaged!” speech with “Now, I told him if we got engaged the ring HAD to be Tiffany, and no less than one karat. CLEARLY this isn’t a whole karat, but I’ll fix that. If nothing else, what are one year anniversaries for?? So! Just imagine it… bigger.”
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Mrs. Sea Breeze, Vancouver/Dominican Republic
Age in 2008 and Occupation: 30, Communications Manager
Fiance's Age in 2008 and Occupation: 29, Experiential Marketing Director
Engagement Date: October 6, 2007
Wedding Date: November, 2008
Blogging Since: July 17, 2008
Venue: Majestic Colonial Resort, Punta Cana
About Me: Planning a destination wedding by the sea should be (oh no she di-in't…) a breeze (…*sigh* yep, she did) but when you've never been to the Caribbean, your powers of imagination are really put to the test. Luckily, I'm 90% resourceful, creative optimist (and kooky, neurotic practicalist-if-that's-a-word for the other ten). Other than writing about our week-long celebration of family, friends, laughter and love, I adore books, shoes and… you guessed it… long walks on the beach.
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