Weddingbee Blog

I’m a little confused on why you used the word “lame” the way you did after just getting done talking about the insulting things your dinner companions were saying. I think it is extremely hurtful to use words like “gay,” “lame,” or “retarded” in our speech as insults.

I know you didn’t use the words “gay” or “retarded” in your post, but it is just interesting to me that you think those words are not ok to use, but you did use the word “lame,” which is just as bad, especially since you alluded to friends who have disabilities.

(or, I should add, in the rest of my life either)

Dear Snappy, wow–what an aggravating situation!!!

We had a less-awkward situation, in that we had only one or two guests who require a little extra graciousness and patience, but it was still a worry in my mind. We put them at a table with people who knew them, knew of their personalities, or were really really super-kind and forgiving people. So, if these insensitive people do come to the wedding, I recommend putting them in a similar buffered sort of place, so as to avoid unpleasantries with your wonderful family.

The other thing is, I think (and hope) that being around your friends and family will open their eyes to their own immaturity, as they see how people with disabilities are functional and capable and oftentimes remarkable human beings.

hmm… HL makes a good point in terms of going back on Save the Date etiquette for this kind of reason. This is righteous anger, so I think you’d have a right to change the ‘rules’ if it’s truly going to be over-stressful. The last thing you need to worry about is people getting along.

(by the way, the people whose personalities needed extra patience and graciousness weren’t people who could be dropped from our list, as they were relatives).

You brought up a very important post that gives us something to think about.
I don’t blame you for being upset, it IS hurtful! They were talking about people you care about to be funny, and it obviously wasn’t!

I’ll give Miss Snapdragon the benefit of the doubt here. She probably didn’t know where the word came from because frankly, I didn’t either. I didn’t know that “lame” was a word to describe a person’s condition. I’ve always known is as slang to describe an undesirable situation or, hell, even a person, but not in a disabled context. The fact that Miss Snapdragon is going out of her way to express her distaste for the situation is telling me that she is sensitive to others and in no way meant to offend anyone with a single word.

The thing about weddings is it pushes people, and groups of people, together with completely differing lives and opinions. While I’m unsure of the depth of your friends “differences” from these other “normal” people, I know I’m going to be having various sets of people at my wedding, including my tattoed and pierced friends, and my fiances ultra conservative grandmother. I just plan on seating them away from eachother, and hoping for the best.

Now, I don’t know the depth of your situation, but one thing is for sure. These people, if they do have the gall to say something, probably won’t say anything your friends haven’t heard before. If Mr. Snappy is set on inviting these people to the wedding, I would ask him to talk to them about their behavior, and I would talk to your friends, just so they are aware of the situation, and can prepare themselves, if, god forbid, his friend feel it necessary to be cruel and make comments. Hopefully your friends can then be more adult than the others, and even though they shouldn’t have to, can be prepared to ignore it and walk away, and hopefully not let it ruin their evening.

It is an icky situation, and i wish the two of you all the best, and hope everyone can be happy and nice on such a joyous occasion.

First of all I’m so very sorry that any of us are placed in situations like this….I wish people in general could all focus on the Kindergarten lesson of “saying something nice” and “just all getting along”.

We are in a similar situation. Sadly there are members of my family who are very narrow minded in terms of anything they deem “different”. They are all from small towns in the rural south, and are often very vocal about their viewpoints. I am often looked on as the “outsider” because I don’t share their viewpoints (even though I grew up being fed them). We are both concerned that everyone play nicely in our wedding sandbox. We’ve even opted to have our wedding somewhere local to us instead of near my hometown. It’s hard….on one hand I’d like to assume they are all adults and will treat my friends as people who I love….on the other I’ve known them long enough to know better.

For the past year I’ve been working this into various conversations so they know ahead of time it isn’t acceptable. Yet, I’m still concerned what they will say when face to face with our friends of different nationalities/skin colors/orientations/etc. and it both angers and saddens me. There are actually a few family members that may not attend due to both this and the fact we will serve beer & wine at our reception. It’s really hard…and I’m so sorry that you might be in a similar situation

With your family being so diverse maybe there is some sort of way to incorporate that into your wedding program. Such as explaining how diverse your family is. Or making your favors a donation to a charity or an agency close to your family. In the end your guests that these individuals were making fun of out number them. They are going to be the ones who look stupid if they make comments.

Another option is to ask Mr. Dragon to talk to these friends of his. If they are good friends this shouldn’t be a problem. HTH.

Miss Snappy, how awkward! I’m sure Mr. Dragon’s friends didn’t mean to upset you — if you watch too much “Family Guy” or hang out at too many frat parties, you can start to get the idea that it’s OK to mock people or say offensive things as long as it’s “just a joke.” But it’s really not OK at all. Saying something like “those are my friends you’re talking about, I don’t think that’s funny” in an even, reasonable voice can go a long way towards getting people to knock it off and think about how they’re coming across.