Book Recommendation: Emotionally Engaged by Allison Moir-Smith

Book Recommendation: Emotionally Engaged by Allison Moir-Smith

December 15th, 2008 @ 10:34 am by Mrs. Cheese
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Book Recommendation: Emotionally Engaged by Allison Moir-Smith : wedding knoxville Bookcov

I’ve promised this book recommendation to a handful of readers who mentioned being disappointed with their engagement experience so far or surprised that it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies. I’ve been there, too, let me tell ya, and this book helped get me back from the brink of meltdown.

Mr. Cheese and I had a very rough couple of months after we got engaged and I found this book on a desperate trip to the Barnes & Noble self-help aisles. I swear, angels sang and the sun began to shine as I started reading, because it’s not just platitudes.

She clearly explains WHY you might be feeling stressed and overwhelmed, and offers exercises at the end of each chapter to help guide you through the rite of passage that is engagement.

The author is a psychotherapist who was taken aback by her feelings during her engagement. With her expertise and experience, she knew that the only way to start her marriage with a clean and happy slate was to deal with the emotions that came up, leading to a book to help guide other brides through an often stressful process.

The biggest take away for me was that OF COURSE I was feeling different now that we were engaged. OF COURSE I was not as easygoing as before. I was now viewing our relationship through the lens of forever. Suddenly, his “cute” inability to discipline the dog wasn’t so cute. “You mean I have to deal with this for decades? And what does it mean for us when we have kids? Argh!”

The book also helped clarify for me the point of an engagement. I’ve blogged about it before, but I didn’t really understand that the engagement period is a rite of passage guiding you from single life into coupledom. Viewed from that perspective, everything on my to-do list took on new meaning, and suddenly it was all very exciting.

So, if you’re newly engaged and feeling a little lost — emotionally or otherwise — or if you’ve been engaged and it’s not feeling like you thought it would, buy the book. And if you find a good deal, let me know. I can’t seem to find mine, and I’ve been looking for it for weeks! Once I replace it, I’ll do a more in-depth review.

I’ll be posting more book reviews over the course of my Weddingbee blogging, covering topics relevant to couples, from finance to relationships to (of course) weddings. I’ve bought a whole shelf-full (hi, I’m a nerd), some of which were more worth the bucks than others.

Do you have any recommendations for me or other brides? Have you read this one?

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5 Responses to “Book Recommendation: Emotionally Engaged by Allison Moir-Smith”

Guest

Melissa B.

Miss Cheese, thank you for this. My fiance and I never, ever fought before our engagement, but immediately after I put that ring on my finger I noticed we were bickering a lot more. I think we were both experiencing the “oh my gosh this is for the REST of my LIFE and will I have to put up with her mood swings/his insistence on discussing politics at dinner for the REST of my LIFE?!”

We’ve been engaged almost 7 months now and we’ve both calmed down a lot, and now we’re back to our usual non-bickering ways. But for a while I was feeling very stupid and ungrateful because engagement wasn’t the perfect blissful in-between stage I’d imagined it to be. It’s refreshing to hear from others who found that setting the date changed their relationship in unexpected ways.

12/15/08 @ 11:06 am (reply)

Guest

Melissa

Right before we were engaged I read Project Everlasting, by Matt Bogs and Jason Miller. It was really inspiring. It is about couples who have all stood the test of time. I think they have all been married over thirty years. As a child of parents who recently divorced, it was really inspiring to read about couples who have made it work and their secrets to how. It was really cute. I highly recommend it!

12/15/08 @ 11:44 am (reply)

Guest

Elizabeth

I read this book too and loved it. I cried through most of it, mostly because it was so affirming to have my emotions validated. We didn’t experience any relationship issues after we got engaged, but I experienced growing pains all on my own. This put it all into perspective for me.

My favorite point was similar to yours: It is OKAY to feel however you feel, and you need to let yourself feel it in order to deal with it.

12/15/08 @ 11:50 am (reply)

Guest

Sarah

A married friend gave me this right after I got engaged, saying it had helped her alot.

I am soo glad she did. After we got engaged my fiance and I were fighting all the time. It was confusing to find ourselves doing that in what is supposed to be the “happiest” time of your life. The book really helped me because I realized we were not alone and that it was a normal part of being engaged. We were really testing our limits as we realized what we had needed to be forever. The fighting stopped after the first few months and we found ourselves more deeply in love than ever.

The book also discusses how your relationship with your parents and friends will change. The friends part for me was helpful, since I had some single girlfriends who had mixed emotions and would swing back and forth between being happy for me and resenting me for getting married and being sad to see my life change. The book gives good advice on being open with your friends, but at some point realizing they may just never be happy for you. My friends came through and were really there for me, however. But, at the wedding two of them really cried (and not tears of joy, but real sadness). Having read the book made this less of a shock.

Her main point in all of it is accepting emotions, yours and others. Embrace what you feel on your wedding day- whatever it is. Every bride should take that advice to heart.

12/15/08 @ 2:47 pm (reply)

Member

StrawberryBaby (message) 307 posts, Helper bee

Thanks for posting about this… I’ve been feeling way stressed out since the engagement… I’m going to pick up this book for my FI and read it together over the holidays!